DOGS Corner

Why do I have to be the bigger person? This is a question I was forced to ask myself within the week. Someone I was very open to, had warm intent towards and from time to time went out of my way to do things for, acted in a manner that was so disappointing. 

This lady is a senior lawyer and stays in the quarters above me. She is a two time divorcee so I guess that sort of colours her worldview. She seems to be doing well for herself however so I am torn to bits trying to make meaning of her actions and behavior. This lady has insisted on bypassing her meter and has never recharged it since it got installed.

Severally, AEDC staff have come to make issues with her but since I have a bit of a good relationship with them, I was able to get them to waive it off. Little did I know I was digging a hole for myself.
A new set of staff got posted to our area and they went round carrying out a verification exercise. Apparently, they’d heard reports about her so didn’t even bother entering our compound. The entire house got disconnected from the pole. 

I had no knowledge of that and assumed our not having power was just a phase issue from the transformer. That was until this lady came banging on the window around 3am. She had given me over 9 missed calls that early morn but I keep my phone on silent mostly.

 Her hard taps on my window jolted me awake. I suppressed my rage and listened to her vituperations patiently. She was threatening to sue AEDC for the disconnection. Na you bypass meter and yet you dey threaten lawsuit. No be winch be dat?

The next morning, I went to AEDC office and was told that an order came for our house to be disconnected. I had to plead with them and paid money for my own power to be restored since I hadn’t bypassed my meter. 

The lawyer was left in darkness. Over the next few weeks, she went round telling everyone who could listen that I brought AEDC staff to disconnect her. Innocently and not knowing what she was telling the community, I offered to speak to the area manager on her behalf and that was when he told me that the lawyer was threatening to sue them and join me as a party to the case.

 I had had enough.

I immediately called her and told her I would be writing a whistleblower report to the AEDC head office and would also send a complaint to the Nigerian Bar Association. She blew hot and dared me to do my worst. Not one for long talk, I quietly sent her a video I had made documenting how long she had been on bypass and recordings of her threatening AEDC staff. She wanted a war?

 I like nothing better than rolling in the dirt when the occasion demands. Seeing the weight of evidence I had, she sent emissaries to plead with me to forgive her. I walked them out.
Forgiveness is never the issue. Don't put me in a position to even consider it. Don't turn people into weapons against themselves. Don't use their good naturedness against me. 

Forgiving you is not the issue. The issue is the relationship can never remain the same. This is the fundamental thing. Behind every act that needs to be forgiven, precedes a betrayal of trust and respect.

Most people fail to understand what it is that binds friends or relationships together. Trust and mutual respect. This is the singular most effective way to show value and appreciation for who someone is as a person and how well you regard them. Nothing should tamper with that. Let's be real. If I hadn't gotten to know she was threatening to sue and I had evidence backing up my position, would she have asked for forgiveness? Certainly not!

Humans can be difficult admittedly. They cross boundaries and then shy away from consequences when they find out they are wrong and then they expect you to be the bigger person. Sure we can choose to forgive but keeping them at arms length and relating from a distance is how such people should be handled in the future. 

Peace of mind above everything else.

Hmmm your writeup took me down memory lane...You are so right when you saying forgiving is not the problem,its the friendship not remaining the same....

In your own case, the woman sounds troublesome and as she dey beg for one na so she go dey do you another one oh....Use sense in dealing with her...