FAMILY IN LAW SITUATION
We want to do a family function but it's from my husband's family. Each child is to prepare their own food for their visitors. we are at a faraway distance, but hubby's family are already in the state of the occasion.
I want to know if it's right for my husband siblings to be talking about food preparation with my husband.I mean, what to buy, cook, liters of vegetable oil, caterers etc. The said sister of my husband never discussed with me but my husband.
I want to know if it's right for my husband siblings to be talking about food preparation with my husband.I mean, what to buy, cook, liters of vegetable oil, caterers etc. The said sister of my husband never discussed with me but my husband.
I know the number of visitors coming, not her and the amount of food to be cooked.
I kept thinking that does she think I'm not capable or why is she deciding for the brother and not getting me involved. I havent said anything yet but I need wisdom from gifted people here. I appreciate that she's wants to make things easy for us since we are not staying nearby, but isn't she supposed to communicate with me?
I kept thinking that does she think I'm not capable or why is she deciding for the brother and not getting me involved. I havent said anything yet but I need wisdom from gifted people here. I appreciate that she's wants to make things easy for us since we are not staying nearby, but isn't she supposed to communicate with me?
Is it not her brother bringing the money????? So why should she discuss with you?Just respect yourself before they put you in your place with harsh words......
Why didnt your husband tell her to discuss the matter with you?Think about it..
Please mind your business and face front:::
Dont go and show yourself oooh...Borrow yourself brain and dont even bother asking your husband about it....If they need your unput, they will ask...
Another occurred to me, maybe your sis in law wants to use the opportunity to milk your hubby...you know na!
Let me give you bad advice- go and ask your sister in law and see wetin go happen....
What is wrong is your husband's siblings talking to him about the preparation? Wonderful!!
ReplyDeleteSo after marriage, he shouldn't plan with his siblings anymore? Na so some of una dey do, you automatically want to take the place of your husband's siblings.
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Delete*what is wrong in*
DeleteNothing is wrong with discussing with my husband
DeleteBut if you expect me to be the one to buy and cook the food, then you better make sure I agreed to that arrangement
If not, I’ll just play dumb and do nothing
I don’t like rubbish
Slutty you better leave some of this wives always complaining about their in laws because they automatically assume everyone would take sides with them.
DeleteNo matter what a lot of them can never like their in laws always seeing every little thing as trouble. Later they will say nobody likes them even you who do you like?
She said each child is to prepare their own food for their visitors and they live far away. You aren't the man's biological child. The children of the man are busy discussing it among themselves yet you are complaining. She should be discussing it with you as per what?
It is her father's function
The person bringing the money is her brother
You are not the one cooking the food.
She is the man's child
Which one is your own in all of these?
So she should be discussing it with you while waiting for you to now go and discuss it with her brother then wait for her brother to respond to you then you now go back to her to give her feedback? Can you imagine?
That is not true at all. That's not the picture. It's about having a family even and everything going well and everyone carried along.
DeleteDear Poster, if they are not involving you, leave them. Go there like a guest. It's in them whether it fails or succeed.
We just finished a burial and I saw this okay out. The wife of the first son is good at organising, hut this time they decided not to involve her. She just ignored them and did her thing. Anyone coming to her house got a good meal and a good reception. But the rest of the event, it's a pity m
It is obvious you and this woman do not have a close relationship before this situation. And you didn't mind but now you are seeing the effect. You guys are cordial but not close. If she has anything in mind she won't even help you to buy anything. It's not everything you take personally. She is asking the person who would drop money directly but you guys aren't close that's the issue not that she doesn't trust you or anything.
DeleteIf you are close when he and your husband are even discussing about the plans, you won't even suspect she isn't asking you because in the middle of the conversation you would have put mouth and all of you will start deliberating on how to make the cooking a success
Do you guys even call each other on the phone, text occasionally relate well.
You guys aren't close or friendly before now and you don't communicate like inlaws so the communication will not suddenly start from nowhere because they now have things to do that you feel need your input.
Your opinion is valid here
DeleteTrouble sit down, yanga wan go blow banger for there..ok now..
ReplyDeleteIf it's necessary, your husband would have asked them to discuss with you. So, let go jare
The way the bad advice sent me. Hahahahaha.
ReplyDeletePoster ask n come n testify.
Wives sometimes we want to do the most. These are people that have been planning things together years before you came in and you suddenly wants to change that it's not possible. You better off discussing this with your husband not his sister.
ReplyDeleteBut then again if it about your children you should gets involved. But discuss everything with your husband and that's it.
ReplyDeletePoster said Each child is to prepare their own food for their visitors.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is wrong in this
If you and him are supposed to be doing this, why is he having his sister decide how you feed your guests
Just ignore them
I concur
DeleteHonestly, considering the dynamics of in-laws and their expectations of wives responsibilities at family functions, poster, your feelings are valid. However, since your husband didn't tell you anything about his conversation with his sister, my sis, siddon dey look dem, no ask anybodi anytin oh.
ReplyDeleteBv God's Favor
Poster, let's reverse the scenario for a moment: if it were your family function, how would you process your sister or brother going over you to discuss the details with your husband, as opposed to you? Your truth lies in the answer to this question.
ReplyDeleteLet sleeping dogs lie. It's his family.
But this is food
DeleteAre you not Nigerian
Will they not still bring the work to her
How are they deciding what to feed people in her own canopy without involving her
exactly!!!
Delete@ Anon 17:52: there is such a thing as picking one's battles. Not everything deserves to be approached with emotion. The husband will let her know where to come in- they are a unit. Yes, I am Nigerian, but I also understand family dynamics that predate my arrival or engagement with any individual. The sister in law has a reason for dealing with HER brother. Let the OP let sleeping dogs lie. It's simple.
DeleteInsults are not necessary. She asked nicely.
ReplyDeleteAbi
DeleteShe asked nicely while waiting for the sister in law to get dragged.
DeleteThe fault is from your hubby, maybe he doesn't want to stress you, don't turn this into a big deal please, I am guessing you and his sister are not exactly friendly or close.
ReplyDeleteIf you can't deal, discuss plans with your hubby, ask him coyly as if you are trying to show concern and ask him how plans are coming along and if there is something he expects you to do.
Choose your battles wisely
Thank you gifty I already wrote it up there. They are not close at all it's the result she is seeing now. It doesn't even seem like she is close with anyone.
DeleteMy brother's wife would have school mouth in the conversation or told me she didn't like what I did playfully or her husband tell me she is vexing for me.
If she dies rate her she wouldn't even help her to buy the food the lady will be left to handle everything herself
*chook mouth
Delete*If she doesn't rate her
Dear poster,but before concluding that your sister-in-law thinks you're not capable, consider giving her the benefit of the doubt. She may simply be trying to ease the burden because you and your husband live far away, or she may naturally be used to discussing family matters with her brother.
ReplyDeleteAt the same time, your feelings are valid.
My advice is to choose peace over assumptions. Don't allow this situation to plant seeds of resentment in your heart. Instead, have a gentle conversation with your husband. Let him know that you would appreciate being involved in discussions concerning the food since you're the one handling that aspect. A loving husband will understand.
Remember, not every oversight is an insult. Sometimes people act out of habit, not malice. Give grace where you can, communicate where you should, and guard the unity of your home above everything else.
The Bible says, Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.(Ephesians 4:2)
In the end, preserving love and unity in the family is always more rewarding than winning an argument.
Since no one is putting you in the picture and , importantly, no demands have been made of you , just be looking. I would however advise that from time to time, you chip in, ask your husband and show concern e.g. How are preparations coming along? Thank God for your sisters who are being up and doing etc. The way he responds will also let you know if he is fine with the way they are handling it. Something tells me that if things go wrong, they will want to rope you in. Its all about being wise. You know the family and you know how you have been relating with one another. Like someone said, maybe the sister is trying to milk her brother. Come to think of it, you said you are faraway ... that could be why the sister wants to "help" handle it. Its at such events that family people "chop" their people Lol
ReplyDeleteIts definitely iffy but hey ho since this involves unpaid work, I m happy to be excluded jor
ReplyDeleteIts definitely iffy but hey ho since this involves unpaid work, I m happy to be excluded jor
ReplyDeleteIts definitely iffy but hey ho since this involves unpaid work, I m happy to be excluded jor
ReplyDeletePoster, what you wished for could actually bring "see finish" if you think of it well. Relax, let her cook the food, go and eat and cross your legs as a princess. Why do you want to fight over hard labour? Relax.
ReplyDeleteMy lazy ass would be grateful that someone else is taking the burden of planning off me. You are not me though...
ReplyDeleteUntil they have nerve to now assign to you what you will cook
DeleteWhen people marry, they become one family, that is why they are referred to as " daughter in law, sister in law and not wife in law" in any occasion regardless of what the occasion is, the wife should be involved, she is the one that the guest would liase with the more on the day. Unless as Stella said the sister wants to chop some of her brother's money. On the day the sister would probably be busy seeing to her own guest, the wife would be the one handling everything as per the food and hospitality, the husband would just be a ceremonial host.
ReplyDeleteI share your sentiments sis. But some people don't have emotional intelligence. Your sister-in-law is supposed to discuss it with you. But since it's like this now, please let it slide
ReplyDeleteLet them plan theirs with their brother, but make sure you have your own plans even if it's little for your special guest, don't depend on what they are planning with their brother since they didn't involve you. Just go ahead and plan something that would stand out on your own part, have your own cooler plates and all if you xan, get your own caterer and just make something little. Don't involve them too so you won't be out to shame on their day depending on what they have planned . Do your own thing. It could also be that prior to now you don't have a good relationship with them, hence why they had to go to their brother directly
ReplyDelete