Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Second Time around,Not Like The First Time

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Thursday, September 03, 2015

Second Time around,Not Like The First Time

This is a TRUE STORY



Adama and Usman weren't even trying to get pregnant when they conceived their son, Aliyu. A couple of years afterwards, when they decided to go for baby No. 2, they expected instant success. But to their dismay, months passed, and there was still no baby.



Since they were already parents, Adama and Usman were a bit slow seeking help than they would, assume they were childless. They probably figured that if it happened once, it would happen again. Adama’s personal physician didn’t help matters as she encouraged the wait-and-see approach. .

However, after trying unsuccessfully to conceive for two years and lots of negative pregnancy tests, Adama, who was then 35, suddenly realized that the term, “secondary infertility” kept coming up. At the end of it all, she was diagnosed with secondary infertility.
She had absolutely no clue what it was, not until a reputable fertility specialist explained that secondary infertility is the inability to become pregnant or carry a pregnancy to term after you already have had a baby, that she understood.

This stopped Adama in her tracks. “What do you mean you could have a problem getting pregnant after you have already conceived a child?' She asked. “I’ve never heard of this before. Everyone I knew who had fertility problems, had issues getting pregnant the first time. And for me, getting pregnant was obviously easy.” 

Adama was shocked at the diagnosis, and even the reassurance that it was a common problem did little to allay her concerns. “I was shocked. I didn't think infertility applied to people who'd already had children.” 

But what Adama did not realize is that secondary infertility accounts for more than half of all infertility cases. As she later discovered, the struggle over this challenge could be devastating. "As you near 40, you don't have time to waste—and you should see your ob-gyn or a specialist sooner rather than later," the obstetrician advised. 
“My brain then tells me that I may need IVF. I am older now and so are my eggs. But what if I can’t get pregnant again? Am I really only going to have one child? Am I really only going to be able to experience pregnancy and child birth with someone else’s eggs?” Questions, questions.

Adama soon got to know that 60 percent of women who struggle to conceive is due to secondary infertility. More than one million people in Nigeria alone are affected by secondary infertility. At this moment she started realizing she wasn’t alone. 
She had got pregnant the first time at 32, going off the pill earlier on because she wanted to give her body some time to normalise before trying to fall pregnant. But, just two months after getting married, she found out she was pregnant. She peed on a pregnancy test stick and it confirmed she was going to have a baby. The pregnancy progressed perfectly but at 34 weeks, her waters broke.

"I was booked into hospital for monitoring and my baby was successfully delivered by Caesarean Section. Because he was so underweight and premature, he experienced some complications and he really became my focus for the next couple of years. I wasn’t ready to start thinking about another baby. Aliyu grew into a gentle, sensitive and happy little boy. No obvious reasons to worry about secondary infertility.”

After her son’s birth, Adama’s cycle, which had always been irregular, settled into a regular 28-day cycle so she really had no reason to worry that anything had changed with her fertility.

She had also started studying reflexology and felt really in tune with body. She stayed off the pill and used condom instead. She readily tells her story. “When Aliyu turned 3, we decided it was time to try again, but after six months nothing had happened. I knew something was wrong because I’d fallen pregnant so easily the first time".

“I went to see my gynaecologist who was willing to do investigations because I had already been trying for 6 months. A sperm analysis didn’t detect any problems while other tests monitored my ovulation and when this happened I was sent home to make a baby.

“My period came and went and we repeated the process but this time I was asked to do a laparoscopy which showed endometriosis. This came as a huge shock to me. I’d read about it as a possible cause of infertility but I didn’t think I had it; I didn’t have sore periods or other symptoms".

One of the toughest challenges they all faced as infertile couple was the inability to insulate themselves from the world of families and other children around. If they had been childless, the couple would have found it easier to say no to birthday parties and baby showers as they cope with their infertility,

 Adama and Usman did not isolate Aliyu from a normal life. However, things that used to provide pleasure and support — playgroups, mother-and-tot classes—were suddenly becoming painful, as the other mothers were showing up pregnant or with new babies. 

"I just can't get away from it," Adama recounted. "Everywhere I go, I see pregnant bellies—at preschool, in the office, in the market, everywhere. My best friend is pregnant, my sister is pregnant, my neighbour who had twins just a year ago is pregnant again and the woman who cleans our compound is pregnant". 

“Yet I'm constantly hearing complaints from so many women that are pregnant. It drives me crazy to listen to a woman complaining that she is pregnant when I am dying to get pregnant. It’s really frustrating!”

Adama and Usman feel guilty that they can't give their child a sibling. Pursuing infertility treatments, trying to juggle parenthood with the rigours of treatment—daily ultrasounds, injections, and blood tests that must be carefully timed—have been so problematic. 
 Adama also had more than her share of unwelcome comments, such as "Don't you think it's time to have another child?" Being the target of countless insensitivities only accentuates the problem. 
Because Adama already had a child the idea that she could be infertile didn’t really sink in. People constantly asked her when she and Usman were going to have another baby and she was honest and just told them they were trying. 

“I thought I would have the operation to sort out the endometriosis and that would be the end of it all. I was so wrong.” “Our first IVF cycle worked and we were thrilled to hear I was pregnant. We went to our first scan filled with excitement – we had done it. Happiness quickly faded when my seven-week scan showed I had a blighted ovum.

“I was devastated and for the first time the reality that I might never have another child hit home. Further tests fail to show anything else. I was then faced with the prospect of repeating the IVF cycle. The doctor talked about doing an “endometrial scratching” before the repeat cycle. 

The second cycle of IVF worked but Adama miscarried at eight weeks. “I had heard the baby’s heartbeat so this really hit me hard. We decided to wait a bit and had IVF again six months later. 

Adama’s obsession with getting pregnant again was not unnatural, but in the end, even as someone who did not like to dwell on failure, it soon became obvious that she just had to move on with life.  "Even though I wanted another child and felt frustrated, I’m having an easier time accepting that I can’t change anything and it isn't going to happen. I’m gradually coming to accept our situation as well."

What matters in the end is that whether a couple chooses to pursue a course of infertility treatments, make peace with the number of children they have, or to adopt, the goal is the same: to accept the decision so they can move forward and have a rich and rewarding life with their family—no matter its size.

Post Script: Just last week, Adama sent this email - “I’m happy to say I’m 14 weeks pregnant with a sibling for Aliyu (you guessed right, I did another IVF cycle). It’s been a really tough period, but I’m glad I trusted my instincts and sought help as soon as I thought there was a problem.”




This sponsored post is an Initiative of Nordica Fertility Centre and once every week,you will read stories of women who have decided to tell their stories to encourage others who are going through what they went through.



Enquiries about this article should be forwarded to 

info@nordicalagos.org


56 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. So na d new style b dis?una must put story first,

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  2. I knew it, it's a sponsored post




    *Larry was here*

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  3. Nice.

    Your comment will be visible after approval.

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  4. Wow! this life self. Congrats ma'am.

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  5. Thank God! My prayer for all BVs looking for kids is that you will all hear the cry of a baby in your houses sooner than u think IJN. AMEN

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  6. Na wa oh. This pregnancy ish is getting more scary oh. Thr are just too many problems with a woman's reproductive organs..
    Poster congrats. May u carry ur pregnancy successfully & deliver like the Hebrew women.

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  7. Na wa oh. This pregnancy ish is getting more scary oh. Thr are just too many problems with a woman's reproductive organs..
    Poster congrats. May u carry ur pregnancy successfully & deliver like the Hebrew women.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Congratulations Adama, but too long a letter.

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  9. I knw say na advert, read a little nd decided to scroll dwn

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  10. Why didn't she have a laparoscopy to remove the endometrial deposits. I don't think she needed IVF.

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    Replies
    1. Its not as easy as you think my dear, every option would have been considered before then.

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  11. Please who knows any affordable private hospital in Abuja, where I can register for antenatal. I reside in jabi, saw one nisa premier does anyone know about them, i'm new here.

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    Replies
    1. There is one in kubwa called doctors of charity,it is a very good hospital nd it's run by rev fathers nd sisters.

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    2. Nisa is okay but its pretty expensove,if its affordable why nt try it,or better still federal staff hospital at gwarinpa my friend gave birth there and they did well

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    3. My dear,forget about daughters of charity and go to Nisa premier where you and your baby would be taken care of.

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    4. Federal staff hospital Jabi is a good one though.

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  12. what is wrong with having only one child though?

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    Replies
    1. i dont know oh.... am still hoping on God for a good husband but i have a son already

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  13. Each time I hear stories of infertility, It breaks my heart so much. Its the biggest challenge I have ever had. I perfectly understand every meaning of the word, INFERTILITY. Oh how I hate to hear this word. I know what it means to struggle that lane especially when you struggle alone while your supposed husband drains you with emotional/domestic violence only for the reason of wanting a child or nothing else. The thought of it makes everything in me stand still most times. I feel less than a woman most times. I avoid parents,relatives and friends calls or gathering due to the fear of being asked HOW FAR with child bearing??. The sight of my in-laws calls then rises my blood pressure. All my financial and emotional investment in marriage became efforts in futility because dear Husband decided to send me out of his house and brought in another woman after 6years of suffering together. !!tears!!What a life. God please answer every woman who is looking upto you for a child.

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    Replies
    1. My dear relax it is well. The God that answer me will surely visit you, I got married August last year and I never imagined that I will have difficulty conceiving on time. Each month that passed by had been hell for me you knw how it feels when trying and every month u see ur flow. We went to 2 different doctors and dey said everything is fine with me but I'm not getting pregnant! my husband always encourages me that everything will be fine. My Inlaws have been supportive too.
      I called my pastor, pastor temi of glory carriers international church benin,and he assured me that everything will be fine. Fast forward to 1st of August last month i called my pastor again and he prophecied into my life that this month of my one year anniversary God will give me a perfect gift and I said Amen. My dear period nor come last month I did 2 pregnancy tests and dey came out positive! My dear believe in God he will see u thru also make sure u worship in a very good church. God bless you.

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    2. May God comfort you. Same here. I also lost my marriage because I could not bear a child. I was thrown out, my stuff packed by my husband. The insults, the verbal torture that I endured caused me an emotional & psychological meltdown. I had miscarriages upon miscarriages. My ex husband is now flaunting a 5 months old baby on social media. How painful. However, I am recovering. I have opened my mind to pour love to other kids, in the process of adopting. God is our strength .

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    3. Awwwwww..
      So sorry about you ordeal darling..
      It can only get better..
      Remember, God's time is the best..
      I attended a child's dedication three Sundays back..
      Guess what!
      The couple have been seeking for the fruit of the womb for the past 18years.
      Yes,you heard right 18 years!
      You needed to see how people were crying like babies when the couple were narrating their ordeal..
      All of you seeking God's favour in that aspect, just be patient, the Lord has not forgotten you..
      You will hold your babies in a short time..

      Delete
    4. awwwww... sorry dear, iy is well with your womb!
      have you given birth now?

      i did about five abortions too when i was in school, but today i have a son.... the God that have mercy on me in that aspect of life will surely visit your womb

      Delete
  14. Nice advert!Your script writer is very good at his job!

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  15. Too long.. couldn't finish it. Yesterday's Chronicles broke record o with almost 300 comments. Poster 1 congrats

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  16. Another IVF success story.

    Mine is a faith in God success story. I had secondary infertility after my first like Adama. Our visits to fertility clinics left us with IVF being our last option. But I just had this unwavering faith that God was going to make it happen at the right time. I did not think our case was that bad to start doing IVF, my heart just did not accept it. My husband was keen, I wasn't. I just was not prepared to go through the rigorous journey. Even then stories like this discouraged me even more. And then I got a job and I decided to let the fertility struggles rest for a bit, focused on my job, eating healthy, exercising, I just stopped worrying about it. I also took folic acid daily and then wham! It happened NATURALLY after 3 months. I could not believe it! Just like that. That for me was a concrete evidence that there is God, and He is indeed alive. I am now caring my little tot, and I praise the name of the Lord each time I gaze. The age gap between the two is 4 long years but you know what: God makes it beautiful, really beautiful in His time! Praise God!!!!


    Weasel.

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  17. And you expected me to read this long epistle.

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  18. Another IVF success story.

    Mine is a faith in God success story. I had secondary infertility after my first like Adama. Our visits to fertility clinics left us with IVF being our last option. But I just had this unwavering faith that God was going to make it happen at the right time. I did not think our case was that bad to start doing IVF, my heart just did not accept it. My husband was keen, I wasn't. I just was not prepared to go through the rigorous journey. Even then stories like this discouraged me even more. And then I got a job and I decided to let the fertility struggles rest for a bit, focused on my job, eating healthy, exercising, I just stopped worrying about it. I also took folic acid daily and then wham! It happened NATURALLY after 3 months. I could not believe it! Just like that. That for me was a concrete evidence that there is God, and He is indeed alive. I am now caring my little tot, and I praise the name of the Lord each time I gaze. The age gap between the two is 4 long years but you know what: God makes it beautiful, really beautiful in His time! Praise God!!!!


    Weasel.

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  19. Hmmm, à Nice read.
    I usually think endometriosis comes with irregular period but now I know better that even with regular periods it is possible to occur..

    In igbo, we adresse someone with secondary infertility as " afo ime ne esiri ya ike".

    I pray that everybody woman seeking for the fruit of the womb either first pregnancy or siblings for her baby (my cousin), I don't care what oyibo decides to term it as but one thing I know is that the God who is "Omni science" will perfect your system in Jesus name.

    Thank God for Mrs Adama.

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  20. I knew it from the beginning that this is a sponsored post

    Stella, keep it up

    BelieveAll Blog

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hi.stella can I share this post on my fb page?id give the credits of course.

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  22. And Here I am pregnant n not excited because I wanted to wait a year into the marriage before I concieve, and four months later i'm pregnant. Lord I am sorry, forgive this ungrateful child, help me trust ur plans for me n not my plans for me. And to think I had five abortions in school, who am I that u are mindful of me Lord, ur love is like no other, ur mercy I can't compare to anything. Thank you for loving lord in spite of my many flaws.

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  23. The biggest problem women face when trying to conceive is, family interference. Women don't need that stress and what In Laws can do is to be supportive. They push and push until the woman is kicked out of the home. I was told I was too old to have kids. When l heard it, I looked my MIL in the eye and said, mama, l heard you said l am too old to have kids. I am 36 years old. You are not God and the Bible says, "They shall bring forth fruit even in old age" she did not say a word. I got pregnant shortly and had my Son at 37. I tried again but no luck. Tried IVF once and decided to be grateful to God for one. I am 48 now and don't think of that anymore.
    To women who got thrown out, just know you did nothing wrong. Try to adopt a child. If l were in Naija, I would have adopted one also but it is well. Truth is that half of the kids the. "other women" has for a man who threw his wife out of the house might not even be the man's biological child. God will expose everything in His time.

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  24. After 3 failed IVF's, I still have faith that I will conceive and deliver my babies. Done all the test, waiting to do a laparoscopy to see if it's endometriosis. God, I believe in you. I don't wish infertility on my enemy, it's really frustrating. I pray I get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby and also pray for EVERYONE trying for a baby to conceive too

    ReplyDelete

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