Sunday In House Gists...

Saturday in house gists had 1-7.....Enjoy todays own and if you sent in any and its not here ,then you are up next week...didnt wanna post too plenty.

Enjoy and laugh a little or learn a little.

GIST EIGHT

GORGEOUS IS GUILTY!

This happened to a friend, every time he tells me the story I laugh so hard.

Janta is based in benin but school in OAU, so he went home for the break and was told that a laptop in the house was missing! So they started looking for it, accusing everybody around, finally they made up their mind to go to a native doctor's place who would consult the oracles and tell them who stole the laptop. On getting there the native doctor told them to write out 6 names of who they Suspected and bring one he goat with palm oil, they wrote all the names of the people around including my friend janta that wasn't around too, names as bellow

1) Osas

2)Alero

3)Jonathan

4) Abigal

5) Janta

6) Gorgeous

So they gave the native doctor the names, he goat and palm oil, the native doctor started incanting, pouring d palm oil on the Shrine, this took like 30mins, finally he screamed that its No 6, that infact No 6 is a killer and a trained arm robber, that if they aren't careful he would kill them and sell their house, that they should be fast that has he is talking No 6 is about to run away.

Immediately, everybody just looked at themselves and shook their head, one by one they left the native doctor angry.

No 6 is Gorgeous the oldest dog in the area, very lazy, can sleep from morning till night under one dead car, cannot even kill a rat talkless of the flies hovering around its head. Putting Gorgeous name was to test the Native doctor. That's how they didn't see the laptop again

Hope I didn't West ya time.

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GIST NINE

OLYMPUS CAME DOWN

Happy weekend everybody...

This gist happened yesterday evening for church during rehearsal.

So there is this new girl(fine girl oo and claiming posh too) amidst us, so she was asked to introduce herself.

She stood up and introduced herself as Fabour instead of Favour...

Nobody talk, they asked for her birth date,she said Nofember... haa...na

there everybody start to dey laugh.

During the laughing nai my friend draw me(reason unknown) naso my bra strap cut.

I just jejely go sit down because one of my bre**st don come down one

dey up(big breast oo) and the cloth I wore na bodycon...everything don

dey disorganised.

I no laugh again,everybody con dey look me say wetin happen,even my girlfriend asked I said nothing.I no fit  stand up till we finished rehearsal.

I had to wait till after seven before I package myself go home.

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GIST TEN

Math Result.         

             

    In my sec school. I was very poor in math and chemistry. during exam, I will get between 2% and 8% and the result used to be announced from the lowest to the highest and I usually will be the first or 2nd to be called out. one day, the math result was called out and my name wasn't the first or 2nd to be called. 

The teacher got to 30, 40 , to 70, still my name wasn't called out and

the teacher went to 80s, when he got to 88%, he had only one paper with

him, and I asked myself, could I have scored 90% in math?.I was

feeling very anxious and happy now that I knew I had proved the so

called genius' wrong.I thought my dreams have been answered. The whole

class was looking at me . it was unbelievable, finally, the teacher looked up and said, There is a cow here that didn't write his name on the paper that scored 0%, if you know you have not received your paper, come and get it now. hmmmmmmm..I guess that was me.

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GIST ELEVEN

YOU ARE ROTATING ME.

As I was reading Saturday IHG, I remembered this gist to share with fellow BVs.

In my primary school days, my father enrolled us for extra classes. We

go don reach house chop, change uniform before we begin go lesson.

One day, one my way to lesson with my friend, who talks like parrot, i

can not remember what we were discussing, but I started telling her

loudly "you are rotating me". She too, I guess did not understand or

just continued talking. I too kept repeating the sentence and loudly,

until a passerby, stopped us and said "it is not rotating, it is

pronounced IRRITATING. 

Me sef humble, but I can never forget the lesson I learnt. I must have heard my elder siblings use the word "irritating", but I was hearing "rotating". Lol

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GIST TWELVE

HOW THE MIGHTY FALLS.

Good day SDK and SDKERS.Now straight to my

gist.This happened this week so i decided to share it with the

house.Please i will mix gist with pigin,forgive my errors as i typed

in a hurry.Now,there is this my aunt i stay with.Let me give you a brief

description of her....

My aunt is a working class lady,very beautiful,intelligent and also a manager in an establishment,but she is authocratic in nature.she is a dictator who wants only her opinion to be heard and accepted by all.So back to the gist.On wednesday this week,she dressed up very early and told me she had a meeting in her office by 6:45am.According to her she scheduled the meeting that early to see those who wont be able to meet up so she can punish them especially one lady like dat.lets call this lady *lady C*.

I  wonder what they are dragging....

So around 5am,she was already dressed up,looking georgous

on her new wear.When i saw her that morning i said to myself hnmmm

this meeting must be very important for her to wear this new cloth to

work.Though i have been eyeing the cloth for a dash(wink)..

So she was just moving from one corner of the house to another on a high hill(8

inches)murmuring somethings like'Let me see if Lady C wont enter my

trap today cos i know she cant meet up with the time'.i said within

me'na only Lady C go suffer for the lateness,what of others,wetin LADY C do

you?

So my aunt catwalked to the room for a final checkup on the

mirror.As she was just posing checking herself on the wall mirror NEPA

wey no dey inform person before taking light,took the light

*fiaaam*and before then i had entered the bathroom to take my bath.she

started shouting at the NEPA as if they hear her.'This NEPA you are

very stupid and senseless must you take this light now that am using it

or you want to ruin my plans.she kept on ranting andl eft the room in

anger to look for her phone still on her 8 inches hill.

Now we have very big basin full of water and its kept along the passage.My aunt was seriously catwalking in anger without light and the next thing i heard

was *taaacuuum*and the sound of water along the passge.that was my

aunt struggling inside the basin of water like a cockroach inside

water wey dey struggle to come out.

As i was trying to deduce the meaning of this,i heard my name *Favourrr*stupid girl come out and help me am inside the water.i asked my self wetin she dey do inside the water with all her makeups and georgeous attire,abi na there they

dey do the meeting?i ran out from the bathroom but there was no light

to help her so i told her to have a little patience let me get light b4

two of us go enter inside the water.in my mind i was laughing so i delayed

so she can do the meeting inside the water and see possible reasons why

people come late to work,it could just be unplanned problems.Finally i

pulled her out ,left her to finish my bathing.B4 i went out that day i

kept on telling her 'aunty sorry o,such things do happen'

At a point she said its ok you can go let me clean up my mess.In the evening when i came back  from school i asked if she was able to meet up with the

time,she said how can infact she couldnt go to work that day and yet Lady C

was the 1st to call her to check on her.but she told me something i

want to share with everyone and thats the reason for my lenghty story.she

said and i quote ''Life indeed is a teacher,the more you live the more

you learn.Dont be quick to judge others.Always try and know reasons

for their actions b4 judging them if you must judge.From today i wont

be sub-charging due to lateness to work.even if i must do so,i must

have good reasons.

MORAL LESSON:dont use your good position to intimidate others but use it to bless\encourage them.

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GIST THIRTEEN

HUNGER PANG

I remember a night in school,i had nothing to eat that day, I decided to soak gari and drink,but the hunger still persisted, I couldn't sleep at night,the time seemed to be moving very slowly, so I decided to take piritin to be able to sleep,atleast to pass that day,and face another. I opened my drug bag,brought out the tablet and swallowed it, after few minutes I noticed that my hunger level had increased, and sleep iwas not forth coming, after 30mins, I took another dose, now my tummy looked as if all my intestine had been packed,yet no sleep, and I wondered what could be wrong,cos on a good day,if I take piritin like that,its sleep straight. 

So my mind just told me to check the drug,i checked and found out I had been taking BCO since,yeeeeh you can imagine, me that I'm hungry without having food to eat,and in my bid to cheat hunger landed in big trouble,hmm I almost died before day break.but I thank God for my life

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GIST FOURTEEN

EKPES AND HIS FANTASY

When I was in school in my final year I was so close to a particular lecturer (Ekpes) and we used to interact like close pals far from student/lecturer normal relationship. He won't stay a day without calling me, he was almost like my best friend. I don't know how old he was sha but he was still not married. I should guess he was either in the late 30's or very early 40's, he was a proper guy man, he drinks, smokes and womanizes, lols.

He used to send me to his 3 girls especially the one within our faculty, so one day he sent me to Nkiru in Microbiology. I still remember the special way he stresses the name Nkiiruu. Okay so on this fateful day, Nkiru was with two of her friends.

I became like a known family member, anytime these girls see me dem go happy because dem been know say something go shele anyhow anyhow, so on this day when Princess one of the girls saw me from afar she announced to other girls that Ekpes Pikin don show, the girls begin cheer but when I check Nkiiiiruu face,no joy at all.

 I dash them the chicken and ice cream where Ekpes send for them. I been suppose just dash Nkiiruu money waka but as Nkiiiruu no get joy I no fit leave am. Nkiru what is the problem? "I want to withdraw from the relationship your Oga is a mad man" I asked how and why she managed to come to that conclusion?

Nkiru no gree yearn, so one of the friend decide to yearn on her behalf omo that day all the girls and me laff wan die. I just think I should share. I dont know if anybody has had the similar experience.

Ekpes your Oga is a funny man, how can he keep asking my friend not to wash her "Punani" for 4days before having sex with him? What kind of nonsense is that? And in the end we will be the ones suffering the effect of the stupid fantasy.Initially I was lost so I decided to be sure I understood her clearly by asking again.

What do you really mean exactly?

Na so de gist begin: Ekpes de ask my friend not to wash her pussy or even let water near the pussy for a period of 5-7  days before having sex with him See me busy asking is dat even possible when you take your bath everyday? So they could bring in more explanation. Omo see analysis:

The girl continued "yes its possible, the last time she decided to please Ekpes by complying to dat demand I nearly died because anytime Nkiru removed her pant or tight I will run out and shout because of the odour wey de infiltrate the whole room, neighbours always wonder what the problem is, na me de suffer am pass cos Princess go go her bf place go crash. For night I no de fit sleep because Nkiru no de sleep with pant or tight. So de whole perfume coming from de punani de suffocate me. I just tire, na me even say make Nkiru shut down the relationship biko i cant come and go suffocate myself because of 1 man fantasy.

I summed up courage to approach Ekpes with the matter when I left dem Nkiru.

You wont understand, there is joy in gbenshing soured pussy, especially 5 days to 1week soured pussy. I asked how? He said that 

1. He is crazy for the "ayim" (Ibibio word for onion) odour that emanate from the punani when him de shine de kongo. To him punani suppose get odour anyhow, Otherwise no be am. 

2. When  pussy is soured, the sourness and stingkingness adds to increase the tightness (gripness) of the pussy to JohnThomas while gbenshing.

3. Gbenshing soured pussy gives you antidote to many things including foul spirit, evil spirit, curse etc.

BVs, this no. 3 was the epic of that gist I Laughed and Laughed but on a serious note I have no idea what this Ekpes guy was talking about. But come to think of it what do i know?? Anybody with this experience or anybody heard anything like this?