Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

This is a must read!!!

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
RE-BITTER AND SAD MOTHER...

Good Day ,
I need to pour out my heart and also advise the Chronicle poster of FRIDAY. Please bear with me as this is very lengthy and its the first time I'm ever opening up about how messed up my life was and somehow is.


I know first hand all she's going through as I've been there and still battling it.
I grew up in a very toxic family where there was absolutely no form of affection between my Dad and Mum. They were always fighting and exchanging words, I particularly remember my Mum nagging my Dad's head from from dusk till dawn and she took out every form of anger on the kids (my brother and I).

My Mum beat me so bad that people never believed she gave birth to me. She'd go to work and when she's back, she'd ask me to open my legs asking who touched my vagina when she went out and she'd beat me till I'll lie on any available name that comes to mind (Stella that was a life I was born into so this started from my very early years when I didn't even know what Vagina or penis was used for asides from urinating).

Surprisingly she was a prayer warrior and believed my Dad's mum was a witch so she took us from church to church for different purposes ranging from deliverance, protection and all what not. She'd punish us with series of fasting that could last for a week or more at 5 years old. What about the insults and curses? They were endless.

My Dad was barely home as the environment was too toxic for him so we barely saw him and woe betides you if you report her to him. Still I detest him for not shielding us as the cane marks and wounds were so visible for even a blind man to see. The best he did was take me to a police station to report the marks on my body and the police asked him to go and sort it out as it was a family issue.
We were called "Eleha" as people barely saw us outside, it was just the sound of our cries that were always heard in the street.

Sometime around 2000 the marriage broke down and they went their separate ways (relocated) but somehow they both ended up in the same state again. Being the only girl, I was asked to go stay with her and I saw hell Stella. I remember a day she got back from work and started beating me seriously that I was pregnant and had brought shame to her; I was still a virgin and was even seeing my menses that day.

I grew up angry and bitter. I hated her and my Dad so much, I always walked around with a frown on my face but thank God for amazing friends and their families that He sent my way. My friend's mum would sneak me into her house, cheer me up and give me food to eat but the day she caught me ehn; I died and woke up.

The pains were too much so I packed my things and ran back to Lagos to stay with my male cousin where I endured sexual harassment for years till I got admission. She begged me to come back so she'd pray and revert some of the curses else I'd not prosper, I went after so much pressure and stayed for a while. When I saw no changes, I ran away again.

Mum couldn't care less in helping pay fees because I chose a University that was so far away while Dad always played the "I don't have money" card. I struggled through school, was always the last to pay fees and register for exams. For every 1,000 naira she sent, she made sure to accompany it with insults worth 5,000 over the phone. There were times I gave up on writing the exams so I wouldn't bother reading but God always made a way. 

My friends and room mates were the Best! They knew I didn't have a smooth relationship with my family and they respected my silence on it, providing me with food, shelter and a home when I didn't have any place to go for holidays. I remember one of them stealing my mum's number to call and beg her to send at least part of the fees money just days to the exams, vouching that I was really a bonafide student (mum never believed it and still doesn't till date) and she should be held responsible for whatever the outcome was.

What about my brother? He is messed up till date. The abuse really got to him emotionally and psychologically. He's the quiet type like my Dad and doesn't talk much but he is a brainy and handy as he can repair any electronic device. He got admission far away from home as well, with scholarships from the school and an oil company so you could imagine my surprise when I was called to come in my year 3 that he was really sick and had to be forcefully carried to the hospital by his room mates. He was diagnosed with Cerebral malaria stating it had stayed so long in his body so it affected his brains. 

Mum came and carried him home and it was the beginning of worse things to come. He was later diagnosed to have fluids in his lungs and was operated on and much later it was said that he had Schizophrenia. His life has been stagnant since then, his education deferred (11 years) and his health deteriorates as the days go by. This is a boy that had the best Post-Ume results and was heading for First Class.

I spent my entire savings when I had him taken to an hospital for treatment for schizophrenia/psychosis in 2016. The costs of the drugs are out of this world, treatments, bed space, feeding were pocket draining but I sacrificed it all for the only sibling I have. Did I mention that by this time he was staying with my Dad as my mum had policemen throw him out of her house for being a "nuisance". She wanted to take him to church for "deliverance" where they'll chain him and probably beat out the evil spirit but I threatened to have her arrested if she dare tried it.


How I manage to not be roaming the streets right now with insanity? I cut them out of my life. No going home, minimal communication with my Dad because of my brother, endless prayers, music, God's word, surround myself and feed my mind/head with positive things (I actually created my fantasy world/life where I always withdrew to). Though I must admit that its very hard as she is yet to admit that she messed up life for us and even calls once in a while to boss me around, asking me relocate back to her house saying she knows I am living with a man and that I'm wasting away my life.

How I manage to have a heart full of love beats me and my sense of humour is top notch, colleagues and friends know me to be the jovial person that brightens up the office/room but there are days the dark memories come in like a flood and I break down but I try not to stay down for too long. I currently live alone as my room mates are married and have moved out, I chicken out when a relationship gets serious because I'm ashamed to introduce my dysfunctional family to anyone. I need friends, love, complete healing, people to talk to, a better job to be able to afford the drugs for my brother and still save something for myself and advise on how to help my brother; it will kill me to see all those gifts waste away.


Please poster, you have to leave that environment for your sanity with or without a fight. Whenever she calls cursing or shouting, hang up. I learnt to do that a lot and it has helped because she is starting to realise that I wouldn't stand her raise her voice at me so she is learning to speak respectfully and in low tones to me. It isn't you disrespecting her, it's you fighting for your self esteem and respect. If you don't stop it now, she'll take it with you into your marital home and ruin things for you.
I hope you don't end up broken and that you find Love and Peace.


Finally, parents need to do better please. You can never apologise away the emotional and psychological effects years of physical and emotional abuse has done to a child. Please learn to love your child(ren) regardless of what you're going through, they didn't bring it upon you.


Thank you Stella for the good job you're doing and this platform that enables us to share our joys and pains. God bless real good.

*WOW.thank you for sharing this!