STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED ABOUT RELOCATING AND FAMILY BUSINESS
Hello Stella, pls do hide my name and email, I want this write up to appear in your chronicles.
Hello Stella, pls do hide my name and email, I want this write up to appear in your chronicles.
Am a silent BV, i need advice from blog visitors on an issue that has been bothering me for a while now. My marriage will be 6 years this year. I have a family inheritance, where i have been working for the past 4 years now since i finished school.
My hubby travelled to US in 2016, to hustle ,let me put it that way. We have 3 children together. Recently he told me he wants the kids and I to come to Canada.
He hasn't gotten his papers yet tho. His reason was that he wants to spend time with us and he wants to be with his family. My problem is that am kind of confused, honestly speaking I really miss my hubby, and at the same time I don't want to hurt my family especially my mom who has entrusted her project on me because I am in a family business. It would really hurt her.
I just need mature advice from bvs on this. Please post this
*Awwwwww,relocating the right way would also be better cos if your hubby does not have his papers,my dear na suffer you dey go so.....
*Awwwwww,relocating the right way would also be better cos if your hubby does not have his papers,my dear na suffer you dey go so.....
You didnt tell us what your hubby is doing there and how he is surviving without his papers or maybe your coming over with the kids will help his status?please find out well before you make the move you will regret..........abroad is only sweet when you make the right moves my dear,so many Nigerians are suffering in silence and too ashamed to return home.
I pray you get good advice from blog visitors.
What!?
ReplyDeletePeople don escape from Nigeria finish oo. Na only relocating we dey read these days?
But waitio, wetin them dey escape from?
Wetin dey pursue them?
Abi wetin them dey pursue?
Funny you anon 15:01
DeleteMadam, 3 children in 6 years? Una no dey tire ? Is it a competition?
DeleteI had 4 in 6 years. Go and hug transformer.
DeleteMadam the fact is that your husband wants you and the kids to claim asylum in Canada. Asylum is very degrading..it means u are a refugee just like somalia, Eritrea and all those poor countries. Yes the government would provide accommodation and some money for you once u seek asylum but what if they give u negative in the asylum.that means u would be deported back to nigeria. After so many wasted years!
DeleteIt's so rampart now. Many people are now porting from US to Canada. They follow one route by bus to enter. Once u get to Canada border the immigration official would stop u guys then the next thing is for your family to seek asylum. Asylum means that you want protection that something is pursuing you from nigeria. That your life is in danger in nigeria. But madam take note "you will so suffer in asylum eeh" it's not easy. So ask yourself if you are ready to take all this risk and leave the good life u are enjoying in nigeria and come over here to start suffering. I advise u wait till he gets papers then u can come here legally
DeleteI guess your husband is frustrated in USA doing illegal jobs and what have you. It's not easy to stabilise in America.where would be even raise money to do arrangee marriage since he just came 2016. So he wants you now to get USA family Visa since Canada hardly give visa,and come over then from USA all of you would follow the illegal route and cross over to Canada. The truth is that Canada would consider him cos he's with family. They respect children alot here.you guys would "raise up ur hand in the border (asylum).then the immigration would provide house and free healthcare for u guys n some money monthly for upkeep till your asylum case is given judgment(wch must times doesn't favour Nigerians cos we are not from war torn nations that need United nations help). Canada is definitely easier to survive than America cos America does not hv good asylum system.in America you are on your own.no help whatsoever from the govt
DeleteMadam don't move and inch.tell him to secure his papers first then invite you all officially. Don't take the risk of dumping ur good business and go to Canada for suffering. Anybody here knows is asylum he wants to use you guys for.you would so regret it if u leave a good biz for that derogatory life
DeleteOga taiwo God bless you. Woman listen to all he said. I advise u tell your husband to open up to you about his plan in stabilizing u and ur children. If he is honest with u which I doubt you will see d hardship he wants to subject you and the children to.asylum is no joke.if it's only you and him it's even better but kids are involved here. U are doing well for urself used in nigeria do not let him make u suffer in another man's land. Tell him to keep on hustling and get his documents first.the man is clearly a user
DeleteYou better go and join your husband, marriage is everything.*side eyes*
ReplyDeleteYou are mad marriage is everything.
DeleteLove is sweet oo,when money enter love is sweeter....Recieve sense
Delete
DeleteHow is she joining husband that does not have papers and so cannot work there?
Supposing the man is into drugs there or other illegal businesses and it affects his family?
Or were you just thinking only about "amu" like that anonymous sic. always insinuates?
Fan you be ode true true. Marriage is everything indeed! It’s your type that will spread your legs like butter as soon as you hear the word “Ma..” he won’t even complete the word before you assume position. Em you square(mumu).
DeleteChai
DeleteVirus why you come infect Fan this early morning eh?
Any virus that can infect Fan cannot be detected. You fit even infect antivirus software.
I talk am! Ndi ala
DeleteStay back till he stands well
ReplyDeleteExactly
DeleteGo visit and come back then go finally untill he stands well
I don't think you would stay in your family business forever except you are an only child. Aside that I would prefer you go stay with your husband and immediate family. Irony of life, in another chronicle few days ago the husband does not even want the wife to come and here you are thinking whether to stay back or go meet him. Na wa
ReplyDeleteSome of you ladies do not even understand what marriage is.
ReplyDelete"Family business?"
Do you have two families. Lady, your family is your husband; for the two has become one flesh.
The only snag in your chronicle is that your husband is probably into some illegalities since he is an illegal immigrant.
So your "relocating" is most likely into illegality and that is risky. Tell your husband to get his papers first and then you will relocate. In the meantime, all you can do is to visit him.
And another issue is that; how do you get a visa without your husband being of legal status there?
What if the family business is her work just as if she was working for an oil firm or a big conglomerate? Just because she called it “family business” doesn’t mean she’s clinging to her family. It might be a very successful one or one on the verge of a huge success. Especially considering the fact that her hubby isn’t yet legal in the IS, her work might be their main source of constant and consistent income. It’s More dear to her heart because it’s also her family business so it shouldn’t be downplayed just because she’s married. If it was a man saying he found it hard moving out of the country into uncertainty while leaving his family business in Nigeria, people will see it differently. I think poster should weigh the pros and cons herself. Family is very important, so is financial stability and opportunity. Think about it very well because you’re the one who knows your exact situation. Make sure you and the children will be fine if you move. Don’t just go by verbal promises either but by the facts on ground. If it is possible to handle an aspect of your family business from overseas, then that would be a very good option. Don’t move to Canada just to suffer with your children. Your hubby isn’t even based there, he’ll just be closer. Sending money from the US for family upkeep is completely different from sending money to Canada. The cost will quadruple on your hubby. If you’re moving, you also need to have something going for you. Childcare etc needs to be considered too. At least, let mike ezeruonye and his wife’s situation serve as example for you. All in all, it is good for family to be together but make sure you and the kids are covered financially before you move.
DeleteAnon 16:32,I would disagree with you on some points. If the family business is Oil and gas does not mean she cannot leave it. Sometimes we follow money and forget other values. And if tomorrow her husband leaves her,she will be left money but no happiness. Moreover if you know Canada too well you won't talk of daycare like that. When she comes in with her kids,they will have subsidized daycare from the government because their family income would not have reached the threshold,and after it reaches that threshold they can still manage the daycare issue. Do you know why Mike Ezurounye's wife paid that much for daycare, cos she makes more than the threshold family income so the government will not subsidize for her. Moreover for families to stay apart is not a good thing. Especially in this Canada with all the cold can make you to fornicate or commit adultery if you are not strong I tell you. Poster, speak with your husband and way the pros and cons cos coming to Canada would mean starting all over for you but trust me at some point you will be comfortable. See the status of his papers. If he is a permanent resident then he can bring you guys over,if he is a skilled worker, he can still bring you guys over and after having worked the required number of hours you can all file for your permanent resident. If he does not have any of the above status then you should consider visiting first. I wish you all the best.
DeleteAnon, I hear all you said but did you notice the part where she said hubby is in the US, not Canada o. He just wants them to transfer to Canada to be closer to him. They still wouldn’t be in the same place, just closer. I think we’re still saying the same thing in essence that poster should weigh things properly before deciding. Depending on exact details of their situation, moving and leaving guaranteed income to go and start living off peanuts might not be the best option. They should both make sure there’s sensible money to cover them. About the family business, it is true; if a man was the one running his father’s business and wants to stay to make sure they’re financially ok before moving, no one would bat an eyelid. But if a married woman dies same, it’s seen as if she’s still clinging to her family instead of thinking like a married woman but at the end of the day, the money either of them brings home from their family business still goes into the same home. I also don’t think a mother would kick against her married daughter moving away to be with her husband thereby leaving the family business behind, what would upset the mother might be the fact that daughter is abandoning the family business to travel into uncertainty. They should put their ducks in a tie before making any move. Surviving in another country without papers and with children in tow is no easy feat
DeletePls confirm from ur hubby if bringing over will hasten his papers. If das the case, ur mum should understand and allow u relocate.
ReplyDeleteThe husband wants to seek for asylum with th family and children. They would become refugees in Canada.the wife should get ready to suffer for years because being a refugee no be moimoi
DeleteFor canada,the kids will help their status...paper plus free house etc. Just carry hand up when u enter
ReplyDeleteNna mehn
ReplyDeletePeople are defecting from Nigeria o
De ja vu
ReplyDelete1983 Buhari came in and people began to check out
2015 Buhari returned and people began to defect out.
Poster, make you no defect into the unknown o.
Hahahahahaha it is well
DeleteNa Bubu make Andrew check out that time oo!!
DeleteAnother ashawo chronicles. Why do you guys always say hide my name? Have you ever seen anyone's name here before??
ReplyDeleteSuffer too much for aboard without pale. Tell he to come and join us for Naija our mother land to avoid story that touch.
ReplyDeleteSo your mum collected your brideprice and still feels she owns you?? Mtcheeew
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you married your husband and not the other way round
Writing is so therapeutic ☺️ Happy new month!
ReplyDeleteOkay let me go read lol
I want to understand, your husband wants you all to come to visit? Like holiday or something or permanently? If for a visit, then I think that is fair. Go check out the environment and spend time with him and the kids then come back. If permanently then many questions need to be answered. How does he plan to take care of you all without papers? What job is he working and can it sustain you all? The struggle without papers ehn you don’t even want to know. The only thing is the kids would be able to go to school for free. Is your hubby getting his papers via “arangee”? How far along is he with it? Does he have a place to stay where you all can also be housed or is he staying with people? If it’s not arangee then won’t your coming affect him? You didn’t give us a lot of detail to work with. As for your mom, I think just explaining to her the pros and cons of your relocation would suffice and she’d be fine. But you have to ask questions first and do a thorough searching whether it is beneficial or not to relocate. Anyway, may the good Lord guide you!
ReplyDeleteFollow whatstella say, she too stay in abroad.
ReplyDeleteI don't think anyone understands what the poster means here... her hubby is in d U.S but wants them(herself & d kids) to come to Canada (not U.S) so he can see his family, as he can easily breeze in & out of there from d U.S, coolio! Although she ddnt say whether to relocate or just visit. If it's d latter, then that should be easy but to relocate?... Not wise to leave d family business that is partially sustaining y'all now except there's something promising over there. Like Stella said, Please poster, find out well before U make any move y'all would regret... Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHow can he leave the States to Canada and return to the States if he’s an illegal immigrant? I’m guessing he probably got in legally but overstayed the date on the entry stamp in his passport. What about TSA? I’m not sure tho. He should first sort himself out before you leave the shores of Nigeria. Also, be sure that he has a legit source of income too. If he gets into trouble, you’ll be the only one catering for yourself and the kids. It won’t be easy on you.
Deletemadam, once you are married you husband and kids become your first family. anyone can run the family business except you are a lone child.
ReplyDeleteMada, relocate to Canada while your husband doesn't live in Canada? How do you intend to relocate? How do you tend to cope over there with kids? You think abroad is easy abi? Who will pay your bills and what not?
ReplyDeleteIf you miss your husband, why not visit him in the US with your kids. Since you are very stable here in Nigeria, you can visit twice or more till he gates his papers.
The husband seems like a lazy type.why can't he hustle and get papers then invite his family over.instead he wants to bring his wife now so she too would join and suffer.my dear abroad without papers is very hard.not sweet at all.madam just know that your husband wants you to seek for asylum in Canada
DeletePlease do not move an inch without prior due diligence check of the likely probs that might ensue due to your moving especially sustainability. Marriage is everything my foot! Some peeps are just from the stone age and will never change from their mumu mentality!! God bless your home jare
ReplyDeletePoster, you can stay still stay back in Nigeria and handle the family business while I go to Canada in your stead.
ReplyDelete**you can still stay.....
ReplyDeleteHahaha, he wants to move your family from frying pan to fire. It’s obvious whatever he is doing in the US is catching up with him (maybe illegal) and he wants to run off to Canada and hide. If his family is already there you can all apply for asylum. He’s being very selfish. He should channel his feelings of loneliness into finding a means to regularise his stay. How would you even get to Canada? Does your family have a visa or residence? Who will pay the flight tickets? Please be wise. Don’t move your family into an uncertain future on the whims of a man.
ReplyDeleteSo all these women with abroad husbands, is it worth it? Raising children alone in the hope for some passport that there is no guarantee the man will get? The distance, the loneliness, the unwholesome children, is it all worth it? If we channeled our Nigerian desperation for ‘better climes’ into fixing our own we would be the greatest country on earth
ReplyDeleteGo and yanh down somewhere, for ur mind now u make sense abi. So single parent's kids are unwholesome. Efulefu
DeleteAre you relocating or just going to visit him
ReplyDeleteWhat will you be doing over there if you relocate with three kids. Ask him the necessary questions before taking any decision that will backfire. Plan it well. I am not sure he has a good job there and has he been sending money to you guys or you are the one taking the responsibilities. Think wisely
I think what the husband wants to do is apply for asylum when his family is already there so he can be together with them. My guess is the family have been denied U.S. visa. If this is the case abeg go o. Let your husband join you and you pick your life from there
ReplyDeleteI think what the husband wants to do is apply for asylum when his family is already there so he can be together with them. My guess is the family have been denied U.S. visa. If this is the case abeg go o. Let your husband join you and you pick your life from there
ReplyDeleteIt’s better your husband stop living in fools paradise and come back to Nigeria. It seems you are doing better than him who is in US. That hustle obviously is not paying. If he leaves US to visit Canada he cannot go back into the US. In fact, they are now checking at the airport if you have overstayed your visa while departing so that they can ban you. I don’t know how your husband intends to get into Canada but it’s obviously not in a legal route. He also wants to use you all to claim asylum. Are you sure that you are willing to put yourself and family through all that? When you can apply from Nigeria for permanent residency and relocate? Tell your husband to come back home and stop being a nuisance running from one country to another so he can say he lives abroad. Apply to Canada for permanent residency since you have a good job, probably a career and the financial means.
ReplyDeleteThank you oh!
DeleteSimple thing that can be applied for from Nigeria, that everyone is doing these days. When I said it here the other day that people are too crooked to do things the way they should be done, and would always rather take the back route.... e come be like say I dey find trouble. Madam! If you have enough money you can relocate to canada properly. Ask questions. And if your husband is illegal there, tell him to come back and face the music.
This is good advice too. He can come back to Nigeria and apply for Canada permanent residency. Then all of you can relocate together.
DeleteMe I no understand his in the US but wants you to go to Canada...?
ReplyDeleteHer hubby is illegal in the US. Immigration laws in US are so strict now so he probably wants to enter Canada through the fence and apply for asylum. Many illegals in the Us are fleeing to Canada. But i heard that canada is closing the asylum route as well. Relocating will cost you a lot.. of money and emotions. And you will be with the kids alone in canada for a long time before hubby is able to join and all. Goodluck and Godbless.
ReplyDeleteCanada is a hit or miss. If your husband can do something professional or IT the family will be very comfortable, but if he has no marketable skills life could be very difficult. The Lil perks you are probably used to in Nigeria like househelp and a driver you won't have in Canada. The average price of a home in a major city like Toronto is one million Canadian dollars. Housing is extremely expensive and so is renting. If you depend on the govt for housing you may end up in a cockroach infested place where drugs and prostitutes abound, not exactly the dream life you imagined in the abroad. If any of you have family that you would stay with first that would help, but ppl get tired of you eventually especially when you are coming into their place with five people, unless they have a finished basement and you can live independently. Your must ask your husband to be completely truthful in why he wants you to travel there and he must let you know how he plans to get ahead. It is one thing for him to ask you to suffer, but you both have to remember that there are innocent children involved in this. If you are comfortable then I would never leave Africa to go and suffer in a strange man's land. Africa is not hell.
ReplyDeleteSDK said it all
ReplyDelete