STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SIGNS OF DATING ONES SELF
Hello Stella and BVs
I just dated this guy and he doesn't believe in communication, he can stay a whole day and not reach out or even chat me up, I have complained and he will try two days and go back to the way he is.
We are in the same town but if I don't make an appointment we won't see and before we will see that like in 3 weeks after the first appointment. I'm not a clinging type but I believe in communication in a relationship a lot cos its one of the way to succeeding
Have tried moving on but he will beg like his life depends on me. He said he needs time to learn but I'm dating yet so lonely. And he has a great moving business and has people running it for him so money and time is not the issue here. OK let me go mbanu he won't. Apart from this two complaints hes very warm and very nice.Have gone through a lot in relationships always believing it will be better. And its a no sex relationship which I know it not easy him.
Plz should I endure or ignore his begging and move on Cos of this two complain?
*You are dating yourself from this explanation you gave up there.....Move on please...I am sure he is like this cos there is no intimacy,so he thinks it is better to avoid you..Any man that cannot cultivate a relationship without intimacy is a no go area
Babe move on abeg and don't waste your precious time on a fruitless journey.
ReplyDeletePoster that guy is a time waster like APC. pls borrow Johnny walkers shoes and keep it moving while singing "I'm walking away from the troubles in my life"
DeleteFan that guy might love her deeply, I have the same habit with the guy, I hardly call unless there's need for the calls, not only for babes but for my guys and families too.
DeleteOn the other hand, if someone flash me, I'll call back and speak with the person at length. I rarely pick up my phone to call someone except it is business or when there is really need for it.
Sky u better search 4 ur life partner up there in d skies.
DeleteSome people are bad at reaching out..I believe he falls in this category.I am sure he confesses to you a whole lot how much he loves you but what he doesn't understand is that "love is work".Love is in the "doing" and not just in the "saying".
ReplyDeleteTell him you are frustrated that he doesn't talk to you on a daily basis ,I'm assuming thats what you want.So you both should decide on a time to talk everyday maybe before you go to bed or early in the morning.(For me routine bores me but for starters it might help him.)
If he is not in interested in making a change then tell him this 🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️ and do this 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️.
Dear poster Don't listen to this advice. I repeat Don't! You've talked to him severaly already. If he will change, he would have. He's not the only man on earth. Moreover you are dealing with an immature man. Take this from me, that man is not into you. If you push too hard, he will use you until He finds someone he's really into then breaks up with you over something very flimsy. His types are nice to you only when they are horny or want something. Move far away from that child now.
DeleteHe is not just into you and it has nothing to do with the “no sex” in the relationship. He just has someone else taking his attention and keeping you until you cave to his demands. He either has someone serious he intends to settle with or may be doing this to get you to give him some but trust me when a man is into you sex or no sex he wouldn’t need to be taught how to treat his woman.
ReplyDeleteHe’d reach out to you whether you live in same state or not. Going even a whole day without reaching your partner simply shows that you have other important things taking your time. Darling, move on even as it seems you’re emotionally invested in this relationship. In the end, he’d leave you and go with the one he truly loves.
The "thriving business" is what is keeping you there. You don't love this man, you love his money and you are screaming "he doesn't want to leave me".
ReplyDeleteDo not deceive yourself.
This comment and that if Stella's ref pen go me laughing. Plain truth.
DeleteLol... That's why she is dating herself. Maybe the man is married
DeleteLol
DeleteWhatever character you endure in a relationship, you'd most likely get a double dose of it in marriage! He'd bore you to death in the same house... youre both not compatible in terms of communication, thats not something he can change or work on, na follow come!
ReplyDeleteGbam!
DeleteYour head they there, my sister poster is follow come. Is in him no two ways about it, you can never change him oh.
DeleteThis is one thing I can't handle in a relationship. Lack of communication. I feel if there's no communication, it's probably cos there's no chemistry, no attraction and no strong connection at least from one of the people involved
ReplyDeleteI also can't handle lack of communication. I dated a guy a while back. But seriously I can't call it dating because it hardly lasted for 3 months and we didn't see much. Before I agree to dating him, we seemed to communicate well. But after I accepted to date him, the communication reduced.He was boring to me. I wasn't attracted to him. It was because I felt he is the religious, God fearing type that's why I accepted to date him. But then the guy showed no care. Even if I said I just ran out of subscription, he wouldn't say anything. If he calls once and I don't pick, he will be like didn't I see his missed call bla bla . Then I noticed he had this arrogant attitude and on top that he wanted sex in the relationship. I am a virgin but I didn't want to disclose that to him. and I thought he was celibate too cos of his religious background and disposition but I was wrong. He felt how can I come to his house and not have sex with him. I bidded my time and I called it off as soon as I can. And I felt instant relief
Deleteleave those guys forming church up and down... them like totoh pass bible! You'd have to date them to know
DeleteHohohoho kai
DeleteNa so o anon 16:56 . I even told him that sex is fornication naw. He said I should forget about that and was even telling me that Bible didn't mean it's fornication. He was misinterpreting the Bible for me and justifying why sex is not fornication. I was just laughing that day and grateful to my God for never going to his house because that kind of guy can rape one.
DeleteLet him go. Leave, no one chained you to him. What do you want him to come around for? You guys are not having sex so he should come and be looking at you because you are venus goddess of beauty abi whatever. He probably really likes you but doesn't see much to benefit. Leave him and let him find somebody else. If you guys were intimate then there would be excitement when he is coming to see you. By the way, why do people call friendships relationships? If you are not being intimate with a man or woman you claim to be in a relationship with then you guys are just friends. There's no difference between them and any of your other male or female friends.It's like calling boyfriend husband without wedding or legal documents. You are his friend as he is yours. There was no relationship to begin with. "No sex relationship", the irony of it all.
ReplyDeleteIt's only a person who doesn't have a Godly mindset that will be led astray by this foolish comment.
DeleteA man that loves you would not need to be reminded to give you some of his time. Move on now.
ReplyDeleteCommunication is the key to the ignition that kickstarts the engine, without that how do u navigate?
ReplyDeleteA wise Bolivian therapist said "A good relationship requires 2 constants: Constant communication and Constant sacrifice"... he was right!! When communication starts to fade, everything is follows like a domino effect. That attitude is not something he can work on, na follow-come, and if u keep pushing him, he'd learn to pretend to be better till he marries you then returns back to factory setting, na one chance be that, you'd be a miserable as the word in caps... all youd talk about are the basics at home, Is this Nepa light or Gen?"
"Have you locked the door"...Goodnight!
Move on and make sure you get him know you're done with him.
ReplyDeleteDon't blank him, make your mind known and move on with your life.
He’s a time waster, face front and keep it moving.
ReplyDeleteCommunication is one of the most important things in relationship. If he’s into you, he will find a way to communicate, infact he will always want to hear from you, I think he’s not into you so I say again face front and keep it moving.
Communication is very vital in relationship... I don't think this guy is into you, abeg give him some space
ReplyDeleteStart seeing someone else. Don't break up with him yet
ReplyDeleteA lot of men do this. They don’t communicate worse still when they have someone else. If you have given him what he wants, sex or financial assistance, he will move to the avoidance level. Not pick your calls, read your messages and not respond. When you push too hard, he claims you are smothering him and doesn’t like it.
ReplyDeleteNne my advice, please get busy with anything that adds positively to your life and start distancing yourself. So not text or call again. Whenever he reaches out and you feel like it, respond nicely. First off, friend zone him that way, you are eloping your matter. Keep reminding yourself that you are single and searching so you don’t waste your time and become bitter.
However it plays out, don’t vent or get upset. Just take it as a learning.
Hey babe, check yourself. Some people are quick to send in chronicles without thinking. You could be the one at fault here. Forget celibacy, couple who are celibate still enjoy each other's company. Maybe you're boring or you nag too much or you are dirty or dude is confused probably there's something he is still looking out for in a girl which you don't have. I'm sure you're not the only one he is dating. He has another girl and he is still trying to compare you both. Or maybe he is keeping you as the side chick for now in case the main chick f**** up
ReplyDeleteModella really? This reasoning you are propagating is why women hang on to meaningless relationships and marriages. Justyfing some men's foolishness. She might be dirty, nags yen yen yen. See ur mouth. U ate you neat. That poster that said your brain went for modelling isnt wrong
Deletemadam is still sticking close because the relationship pays her bills. You want to go and he keeps begging, eziokwu.
ReplyDeleteRelationship cannot strive when there's no free flow of communication. If a man is into you, he cannot ignore you constantly. Time factor won't be a problem for him.
ReplyDeleteLet him know how you're feeling in this one sided relationship and if there's no signs of improvement on his part then take a walk.
Sweetheart he’s not just that into you #fact
ReplyDeleteYou're making sense here. So much sense.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you do,do not give him the cookie and do not waste your time.
ReplyDeleteGood afternoon people.
The truth is simple... he doesn’t love you
ReplyDeleteYou are dating yourself girl. Bcoz of the of the 'no sex' thing that is why he is behaving like this, there is another girl giving him the cookie. He feels there's nothing to gain from you hence no need to communicate or give you attention, he doesn't love you. Give him up ASAP & move on.
ReplyDeleteHe is in a relationship and having sex with someone else. For a man that is not a virgin to stay in a no sex relationship it is hard. Except if he is the one that is born again and requested for the no sex or it's a mutual decision. If it is you,forget it. Since there is no sex he doesnt see the need to see You often.
ReplyDeleteYou are just plan B that is the way I see it. He is not putting all his eggs in one basket. As they advice you here.
Posted, this matter get as e be. I just know that when love is there, there would be an urge to always reach out.
ReplyDeletePoster you are just wasting your precious time, must you tell a man you are ending a relationship with them? Don’t you know how to go solo, be calm, stop checking on him, respond to his chat whenever you see his chat, if you see his chat today, reply after two days, when he complain you tell him you have been so busy with work lately, if he doesn’t call you do not call him, if you see his missed calls return his calls after one week. Do not complain or neg about your communication again with him, just sit down and be watching him, anyday he invites you for an outing, my dear if you are free go, talk normal never complain you want to walk away, gradually you dump him, get another relationship cos this guy is just wasting your time, if a man cannot spend time, calls, be with the woman he loves, then there is someone in his life.
ReplyDeleteGet another bobo and bone him, when ever you tell him you want to walk away it shows you are still interested, guys don’t like ladies that are pushing and forcing their self on them, show him that you too no send am, let him know you are not into him, do what I just said and see if he will change, make sure each time he calls you , you don’t tell him you are bored, you miss him, you are alone, no fun without him, show him you are always happy, without him you are ok, take yourself out and make every moment count for you. No guy will kill me before my time, if you don’t show love me too my love will die.
Hmm... Poster dear, it will surprise you to know that many of the ppl spitting that you should stop calling and move on, if they were in your position will do the opposite and even drop the cookie... I can't say that he loves you or doesn't or that he's got someone else. But what I know is that GUYS REASON DIFFERENTLY FROM LADIES.
ReplyDeleteTBH he sounds like an AQUARIUS Dude. They can be cold like that and may need their space but that doesn't mean they don't like you. And hey maybe the nosex also plays a part in the whole thing. Babe I'm also a virgin but I realized that the world won't end if you loose it....
Think hard about it... Your instincts already know whether hes into you or not...
All the best dear
Same thing sky said up there. Hez Aquarius too
DeleteI think say Na only me dey this shoe o.. used to have one bros like that who asked me out for almost 4years.. At some point I felt like, haba this guy Don try to dey on ur matter this long.. He must really care about u. so I gave him a try.. Na another thing I see when I tell am yes o.. I practically used to beg him everyday to try and call... Cuz he was in school in the UK initially, I thoughT, oh! Maybe he's busy with a lot of stuff.. But when guy man enter naija, I knew this was just his habit.. Anytime we had an argument, he would use that as an excuse not the call for more than a week... Last last, we had one heated argument cuz I needed his help and he didn't call for almost two months. . Me Sef lock up. .I no fit dey beg man everyday to keep in touch. I had even deleted his number self when all of a sudden he called and gave his friend the phone to beg me. . I thought things had changed for good this time around and stupid me (I think I just have a soft spot for him Sha) let him into my life again... This happened like in September . Brothers and sisters, since oct2 bros never call me till now o.. Yet, he is changing dp and status on whatsapp... Me Sef no bother.. I cannot come and die bcos of man.. Love gbakwa oku.. He dey mad.. I resemble toy wey he go dey use anyhow??? Mba o.. I no do again
ReplyDelete🤣🤣🤣 @ love gbakwa oku
DeleteBabe pls flee,unless you wanna use him to pass time,he will only waste your time,even introverts communicate in a relationship, move on ,he's an asswipe,you will find you a better man
ReplyDeleteI understand how u feel poster because I once dated someone like your boyfriend or will I say worst than him because this one won't even call me for 3 months, u can imagine such kind of relationship, I complained and all that and yet he didn't change my dear I borrowed sense, I just ignored him went into another relationship with someone who cared about me cos he doesn't go a day without hearing from me, although my relationship with d new guy I never told my boyfriend I just play along with him when ever it comes to his senses to call me, after a while d new guy propose I dint even think twice I accepted d proposal and we got married, my boyfriend was angry and I told his friends why I had to do what I did I they supported me and blame him for everything cos his d one that lose. So my dear u don't have to tell your boyfriend u want to move on because if u really want to move on u will darm him and move on without all his drama
ReplyDeletewhere una se see all these cold hearted men them sef? abeg tell me so i dont pass that street by mistake.
DeleteI salute you anon. That's how it should be done. Catch them by surprise
DeleteWhich one is don't tell him? why are you people afraid of ending futile relationships?
DeleteIf the situationship isn't working out for you, please dump him and move on. There is plenty of fish in the sea.
Please run as far as your leg can carry you, I have been in such relationship, he was only using me to pass time till he got someone good for him, all I saw was his wedding pictures. Avoid him like plague
ReplyDeleteGirl, he's just not that into you. You are not his first or even second or third pick, but he is holding on to you just in case things don't work out with his plans. The only better way to explain this is that you are on the team, but on the bench sitting out game after game hoping that one day you get a chance to play for even two minutes. Move on if you have higher expectations for your life and value yourself.
ReplyDeletePeople fail to realize that everyone is different. There is no general formula for relationships. If you can't deal, move on. Some likes to call, others don't. Some will call 10x in a day, others call once. Personally, if I will never call any lady everyday no matter how much I love her. My gf knows that action speaks louder than voice. When together, we enjoy the best of each other and I know she wants to move in. But not yet. Once in a while in life, we are bound to run into people whose lifestyles do not fit into the societal norm. Fuck boys love to sweet talk. The shallow ones who cannot decipher the difference between love and sweet talk are the ones who end up 30+, single and depressed after falling preys to the antics of lover boys. Attention? Idle guys have a lot of attention to give bc they have nothing else to do with their times.
ReplyDeleteYou are wrong. A man who cares for his love interest will make out the time to communicate. The fact that your gf doesn't complain when you don't communicate as often doesn't make it the gold standard. It is a time tested fact that communication is key in relationships. I have dated guys who had busy jobs yet they find time to call often. It is not normal to not want to talk to someone you like and care about.
DeleteI don't agree with you. While sometimes, lack of communication may be due to personality, it is mostly due to lack of care, and lack of interest. I also don't believe in sweet talk, 10-times a day call and so on, but how does a guy stay a week, 2-weeks without reaching out to his significant other? I mean no call, no texts, no how was your day, good night etc. It will be difficult for any relationship to survive that, unless both parties understand each other and want it that way. If one person is questioning the other person's interest and commitment, it would most likely not work. Because one party is not meeting the expectations of the other.
DeleteI think guys use the silence treatment to break ladies and Make them want them. Someone tried that with me recently,I broke up with him via email, he never responded or called to beg. I wasn't even attracted to him in the first place just settling. It confirmed what I wasn't sure of. Women if you are in a relationship and not sure where it is heading or the man is not communicating with you. RUN! He is testing many waters. Lols.
ReplyDeleteI can relate...
ReplyDeleteI met a guy online sometime in May this year, we had a long talk on what we wanted and sure enough we both wanted same thing. A few weeks after, I noticed he wasn’t communicating and could literally go 3/4 days without calling but would send whatsapp messages once or twice in those ‘incommunicado’ days. I complained, he adjusted but fell back in the same habit after a few days.
I had to go abroad for a few weeks for a training, my so called boyfriend didn’t offer to drop me off at the airport, on my return, he didn’t pick me from the airport(my boss eventually sent his driver when he realized no one was coming to get me). My ‘boyfriend’ called afterwards and made a fuss, insisting that since his home was close to the airport, I should have stopped by before going home(the nerve). I brushed it off and we carried on.
A few weeks after my return, we had planned on spending the weekend together, suddenly, some incomprehensible stories started coming up, at some point on that Friday evening he was no longer responding to messages or taking calls.
I laid in bed that night but couldn’t sleep, at about past 1:00am I called my cab man and we drove to his place(I figured he’d spot my car if I drove), on getting to his compound, his car wasn’t there but as we made a turn to head back home, he came driving in with a lady. They got out of the car and I came out of my cab, waved at him(just so he’d see me see him) then I left.
Infidelity is a deal breaker for me. He knew it from the get go. He begged and I forgave but couldn’t forget the scene. It kept replaying in my head every damn day.
After about 3weeks, I got really tired of the relationship and quietly started withdrawing. On his birthday I sent a nice message to him as instructed by my mentor but didn’t call him. He also didn’t reach out to me. I was expecting my ‘boyfriend’ to spend his birthday with me but NO HE DIDNT.
A few days after his birthday he called me wanting to talk, I told him I’d call him back cos I was busy(but I wasn’t), he waited and when he didn’t hear from me, he called a few more times to which I didn’t respond or call back. It’s been almost 2 months since I ghosted on him.
I figured he was only keeping the line of communication open enough to always have sex when he wanted.
My shortest relationship ever(4 months).
I have no regrets though, just lessons Learnt!
Eeya, sorry, am sure your next relationship will be better than this one.
DeleteLadies should always rely on their intuition, it never fails. I remember a guy who always texted me but never calls, he did it thrice, naturally I don't have chill but I decided to calm down and suggested he calls since he lacked the common sense to know that you call a lady.
At the point of suggestion I was already irritated sef because I believe i shouldn't teach a grown man how to treat me, if i have to teach you then you are not worth my energy and you need to go back to school.
This guy said "okay calls from now on" but what did he do. On the fourth day he didn't text nor call this was someone who texted every day however on the fifth day he had the nerve to text me again after telling him two days before that I am not a texter. I just blocked him. Imagine getting into a relationship with someone like that,the signs are always there so poster you know what to do.
Why are some men like that,you will sit down on your own o,they would spoil you with all the attention, all of a sudden they will just lock up and stop all the attention,do they expect you to be the one to start doing all the chasing? Some would ghost you and reach out again as if nothing happened,me,I can't deal with such disappearing act.
ReplyDeleteI want a guy to reply here why some guys are like that.