I had been hearing tales that religious leaders encourage battered women to remain with their abusive husbands till death separates them. I used to think
they were mere accusations until I witnessed it.
This man of God said if a woman leaves her abusive husband and dies without reconciling with him,she is headed to Hell fire straight! He said it is better
for a married woman to die in her husband's house no matter how she dies. He also said any man of God who wants to go to heaven will not encourage a woman to leave her husband for any reason because the Bible says:
'What God has joined together, let no one put asunder'.
The genesis of the answers up there was the case of a church sister, let's call her Sister Bee.
I had met her during a women's meeting. She was a new member. We walked home together after the meeting and we talked.
She told me that she just moved in with her mother as she had left her husband who used to beat her and inflict injuries on her. She showed me one of her eyes.
Oh dear! That was when I noticed the 'half past' eye.
You know those eyes that would be staring at you while talking but the voice would be referring to the person beside you.
Her husband had used a deadly blow to shift the eyeball in that eye during one of their fights.She also showed me scars on her legs and hands from injuries inflicted on her by the same man.
Enraged, I asked why she stayed and received all the scars, I asked if she wanted to die. With tears in her eyes, she told me how her parents did not
want her back in their house, how they had always settled the fights and advised her to endure and keep her marriage especially her mum. The old woman was divorced and didn't want any of her daughters to do same.
Then she reached into her bag and brought out her wedding pictures - traditional, court and church wedding pictures. Oh Lord! Come and see this handsome young man, looking at him, you won't think he could hurt a
fly.
want her back in their house, how they had always settled the fights and advised her to endure and keep her marriage especially her mum. The old woman was divorced and didn't want any of her daughters to do same.
Then she reached into her bag and brought out her wedding pictures - traditional, court and church wedding pictures. Oh Lord! Come and see this handsome young man, looking at him, you won't think he could hurt a
fly.
I asked her if he had parents and what they did to call their son to order.
Sister Bee said his people did not like her from the onset because of the tribal differences. They wanted their son to marry from his tribe and when he
refused, they ignored when the marriage started having issues.
So how did she gather the strength to leave at last?
Dear friends, I received a shocker!
She pulled the sleeves of her blouse upwards to reveal a deep scar on her upper arm...
She narrated how they had a fight as usual one evening and her husband pulled a knife from the kitchen, as she made to run out of the house, he threw the
knife at her and luckily, it landed on her arm. My mouth was wide opened as she
narrated this. I imagined the knife hitting her head, neck, oh Lord! What a man!
Her husband ran away from the scene and left her in the pool of blood, neighbours took her to the hospital from where her sister took her and their child to her mother's house.
Months passed, her husband refused to show up. She was left with no other choice than to join my church and mingle with people to calm her nerves.
The church Pastor heard her story and advised her to always move around with her wedding pictures. He urged her to always prophesy on them that the happiness and joy that radiated on the day of the marriage should be
restored to her home. Hmmmm.
He told her to do it for one month and see what God will do. He said she will reconcile with her husband and peace will be restored.
The following Sunday, during a question and answer session, I anonymously asked the pastor his views about Domestic violence, I asked him if it is right for a woman to remain in a violent home and die there.
The answers I got are those up there.
People were just murmuring in church that day after the epic response.
After sometime, I did not see sister Bee in the church for two Sundays. Then I called her.Your guess is right, she is back with her husband. I just congratulated her and faced my business.
So, in-house Pastors, what do you have to say about what my able Pastor said up there?
Mama Tee.
People were just murmuring in church that day after the epic response.
After sometime, I did not see sister Bee in the church for two Sundays. Then I called her.Your guess is right, she is back with her husband. I just congratulated her and faced my business.
So, in-house Pastors, what do you have to say about what my able Pastor said up there?
Mama Tee.
If you die in the hands of a man all in the name of enduring and making your marriage work, even God will not forgive you. God condemns violence thats why he said we should pursue peace with all men. He condemns murder because no one gives life, so why will you take another. Women or men in violent marriage should run away, flee please. Your peace of mind is more important.
ReplyDeleteIt’s not easy, but how can she leave and come back, when she has already left, she has already faced what the world had to say so why go back, she will not leave now she has just one child.
DeleteHmmmm....some pastors God will surely have mercy on us all😐!
DeleteI can NEVER tolerate any man that raise his hands on a woman, Never. No man dares beat any of my daughters.
ReplyDeleteSometimes , I feel it is local Pastors or non enlightened ones that talk in that manner
Pastors are the causer of these issues happening in marriages, but they will expect theirs to come out sharpy. That's how a pastor told a chuech member not to undergo CS during child birth that she will die, she refused CS and died, when it was his wife's turn he quickly signed the papers for CS and she lived. The husband got angry and left the church, but who did they cheat at the end of the day.
ReplyDeleteTo vote @stelladimokokorkus as BLOGGER OF THE YEAR text sma18 stella to 33352
Imagine this oo
DeleteThe husband to that woman na big Mumu I never see
DeleteIf she dies during one of their fights it is then she will go to hell fire. Imagine being in a marriage and constantly being angry and bitter, Than being outside and having total peace of mind. Bible allows a woman to leave an unbelieving husband 1st Cor7:15
DeleteThat pastor must be a wife beater as well or senile. As for sister Bee, may she rest in peace in advance. This is y I don't involve myself with all this situation ship people. I don't understand why they r always blind physically, mentally and spiritually.
ReplyDeleteWe die here marriage.
The only people that beat their bodies are the prophets of Baal:
ReplyDeleteEphesians 5:28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—
Obara Jesus!!!!
ReplyDeleteLet married people come react but for those of us who are yer to marry.
ReplyDeleteI think the first thing that should be cleared is that NO CHRISTAIN IS A GRANDCHILD OF GOD.
Don't turn your pastors to gods.
You see that grace you think your daddy G.O has, you can have it too.
Remember when the curtain in the temple tore at the death of Christ?
That's direct access right there.
Stop praying by proxy and living your spiritual life by proxy.
That being said The bible is complete, there's no aspect of life the bible doesn't talk about. The bible says men love their wives and women submit.
Ain't no man with the love and fear of God in him hitting his wife.
Note: That he quotes the scriptures and mounts pulpits and conduct crusades and have a massive followership doesn't mean he knows God.
Even the devil quotes the scriptures!
Test all spirits..
Marriage is an institution set up by God and he wants every believer to be in a pleasant one.
Your marriage affects your eternity. That's why it shouldn't be done because of compulsion, inducement or pressure.
Pray hard, study your partner, tell God to reveal to you any secrets he might be hiding that will give you a turbulent marriage.
Don't stop praying!
But like God has always done, he will always leave you to make a choice when he reveals flaws to you. He never forces you.
Do people pretend? Yes
Do people change? Yes.
But God would never let you intentionally suffer.
Before marriage, in between your dates/hangouts. Ask your partners opinion on things like domestic violence, read in between the lines, do your research, tell him your opinion too, don't ignore any signs!
Pray hard again!
May God help us all.
Bipolar, God will bless you with a good man.
DeleteThis is complete
Amen.
DeleteThere's no woman who will be going through DV and would not harbour bitterness and hatred in her heart. Imagine dying with that,hell fire straight. God will no say 'o she died of dv o,she was a good and virtuous woman' so come into heaven,NO. He will still try you and if you are found wanting its straight to the lake of fire. So why suffer here and suffer for eternity again.
ReplyDeleteIf they wish to die there they should stay na
ReplyDeleteNo man should beat his wife no man should beat a human and no human should lift their hands to hit anybody.
ReplyDeleteI watched a documentary on the DeBarge family and since then, I've always HATED women who use religion as an excuse to stay with abusive men.
ReplyDeleteImagine the DeBarge mother, the man was beating her and raping her and yet she STILL stayed and had 10 children with him! The man physically abused and raped their children and she STILL stayed with him!
What is the result? All the DeBarge children have turned into drug addicts to cope with the childhood trauma their mother subjected them to by staying with that demon of a man.
That is why I will never subscribe to that 'put your husband before your kids' nonsense. As a woman, your first responsibility is to your children. Your second responsibility is to yourself!
If you use religion to allow a man to continue to abuse you, then you are responsible for the trauma your children will go through in an abusive home!
You are 100% correct
DeleteIt amazes me also when women say they are staying for the kids?
DeleteWhat kids? Kids that are aware of the hostility in the home?
Who have a visual record of punches?
An audio record of screaming/hurling insults?
Kids that would inevitably be shaped by the actions in the home?
There's nothing like staying for the kids. You are ruining them more by staying.
Anon 12:56 you are right, something similar to this happened in my street. This God fearing woman got married to a devil, the man was always violent, they had 3 kids. One day the woman was not around and the devil of a husband stabbed the 3 kids and stabbed himself. What a tragedy. If that lady had left that marriage since, her kids would still be alive, one of them is my daughter's classmate. So sad
Delete😨😨😨😨😨
ReplyDeleteJust 2 nights ago I heard my heavily pregnant neighbour shouting and yelling in pain, It was so much that it took sleep from my eye that night. Only for me to summon courage yesterday after work to check on her and know if she is fine, with red swollen eye balls and face, she looked into my eye with this painful smile and said "am fine ma, there's no problem" ok! I said and entered my compound. I was convinced that lady who pregnancy should be in its last trimester was thoroughly beaten by a very calm good looking pastor of dunamis church
ReplyDeleteeh. the hypocrisy everywhere tires me
DeleteAnon13:03 the man's behavior doesn't portray what dunamis stands for in terms of marriage so o don't think it's right for the church's name to be mentioned. There are many wolves in sheep clothing but does that make every sheep a wolf? No.
DeleteI'm not attacking you, just had to comment so that someone else reading won't be discouraged or see the church in a bad light.
Anons 23:57 why are you shouting? I but the man is a dunamis pastor nah abi you want her to lie about this job & location?
DeleteI'm married and will never encourage domestic violence of any sort..
ReplyDelete● I know I'm not one to judge your pastor but his response to yoir question was applied with wisdom.
● As for your church member sis Bee I feel may God help her and give her the right guidance she needs.
but poster I have learnt not to judge matters based on one-sided narrative..most times it's way more than you are being told..
Obehi you’re a big fool for this comment idiot. No matter how one sided it is there’s no reason to throw knife at someone
DeleteWith scars and all that?
DeleteLet's assume the woman in question is a witch, is that what Jesus commanded us to do?
That pastor lacks wisdom. I doubt he is a true man of God. Already adding to and subtracting from the commandments of God.
Exactly this Obehi be is out her senses. Somebody throws a knife at you and leaves you to die in your own pool of blood. Na wah for people oo.
DeleteHonestly I see nothing wrong with his advice, he asked to pray over and about her marriage that's what every good pastor should do. Going back was her choice
DeleteThat pastor is mad, the members attending that type of church have lost it. My Dad had a tenant back in those days when I was in secondary school, this guy would beat his girlfriend up in public and strip her naked and the next day you see her all lovey dovey with him shinning her stupid teeth. At some point my dad had to evict the guy before he kills somebody's daughter in his compound. There and then I concluded not to involve myself in any case of domestic violence cos with all the advice people gave that girl ,even my mum would call her to side and advice her like a daughter but for where she would still return to the guy. In conclusion, most of them enjoy and love the beatings.
ReplyDelete@yellow sisi, i think i agree with you. I think is a psychiatric issue. I cant just phathom it out.
DeleteGod forbid.
ReplyDeleteIf I'm in your church, I won't attend that church again. Any pastor that can say that isn't worth being my pastor. Na to find another church dey attend.
ReplyDeleteIt's that simple. What a doctrine!
I asked a pastor in my church,he's also in the church counselling department, what counsel they give to couples facing domestic violence in their marriage. He said they will tell them to separate first before finding out what went wrong. If his answer was not what he stated above,I for don leave the church tey tey
ReplyDeleteThank you. Anyone who will continue to attend that church after that kind of reply needs to have his/her head examined
Delete