STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CUTTING OFF A FRENEMY
Dear Stella,
Please how do you prevent a frenemy from coming to your wedding?.I have always been an extrovert but delved towards asociality due to life experience with friends, people and life in general. So far I was enjoying my peace till i met her. Let's call her "chidera", yes we are from the same tribe.
I tend to treat my friends like my blood yet my friends would repay me with slander, backbiting and false gossips. So I became a recluse minding my business.
Now to the issue on ground. I applied for my PhD programme and was minding my business as usual but i noticed this one lady who always whispered to her friends when i entered the class then in unison they turn and start staring at me.
That was when I saw her for who she really was. Whenever am talking to my white course mates she looks swollen and she explained she just down at like white people then I started getting closer to a few blacks she seemed upset too like she didn't want me to have other friends except her but this same lady is friends with almost everyone.
Whenever any good news happens to her I am super excited however when I got promoted at work I was expecting smiles and congratulatory words from her but what did she say?,nothing, she immediately changed the topic.
As God would have it another friend got promoted the following year everyone was super elated except this one person. So I asked her why she was moody for that was the umpteenth time she would behave like that and what she said shocked me. She said "I am sorry but when something good doesn't happen to me I don't ever want it to happen to anyone else and that was how I felt when she said she got promoted why should it happen to her if it didn't happen to me.
Dear Stella,
Please how do you prevent a frenemy from coming to your wedding?.I have always been an extrovert but delved towards asociality due to life experience with friends, people and life in general. So far I was enjoying my peace till i met her. Let's call her "chidera", yes we are from the same tribe.
I tend to treat my friends like my blood yet my friends would repay me with slander, backbiting and false gossips. So I became a recluse minding my business.
Now to the issue on ground. I applied for my PhD programme and was minding my business as usual but i noticed this one lady who always whispered to her friends when i entered the class then in unison they turn and start staring at me.
Mind you Stella, i couldn't decipher at the time the look in their eyes but now I know better. After a while I noticed she would look for ways to get me to talk to her I wasn't interested because of my past experiences but also because there was this aura around her I didn't like and I just couldn't explain it. I was just getting negative vibes from her but I said to myself "she seems nice it's just your imagination so with time we got a closer".
That was when I saw her for who she really was. Whenever am talking to my white course mates she looks swollen and she explained she just down at like white people then I started getting closer to a few blacks she seemed upset too like she didn't want me to have other friends except her but this same lady is friends with almost everyone.
Someone told me she said I bought my engagement ring myself and placed it on my finger. Well I wouldn't have believed her if not that countless times this said lady would mock girls passing by when she sees them with engagement rings by saying" look at this one she went and engage herself, then i thinking she knows them,I would say, "really you know her"?, to which she would reply "That small girl I don't know her oooo but i just know she is too small to be engaged ". Though I have a few friends now I don't reveal my private life nor my personal secret so i thought she felt i was not seeing anyone since i didn't tell her but the reason why she finds it hard to believe i am in a serious relationship at this age was beyond me.
Whenever any good news happens to her I am super excited however when I got promoted at work I was expecting smiles and congratulatory words from her but what did she say?,nothing, she immediately changed the topic.
As God would have it another friend got promoted the following year everyone was super elated except this one person. So I asked her why she was moody for that was the umpteenth time she would behave like that and what she said shocked me. She said "I am sorry but when something good doesn't happen to me I don't ever want it to happen to anyone else and that was how I felt when she said she got promoted why should it happen to her if it didn't happen to me.
Just right there I was stunned, right there i had an epiphany but pretended as though i wasn't bothered. No wonder she hardly rejoices with me. Then I remembered how she saw my designer bags, shoes and my new phone given to me by my man when she visited.
Two weeks later she came to class with a new phone all garbed in designer wears, then i asked her when she bought them she said her boyfriend got it all for her. What she didn't know is that my Ghanaian neighbour (who knows her) is a cousin to her new man later told me this my friend forced his cousin to give him his phone to school because she wanted to show her friend that she isn't the only one with a man that knows how to spoil her.
To think she later returned the man's phone to him after using it to brag to me. I am fed up with her. Yet the question is how do I stop being her friend?, for we have a semester after that and our paths would definitely cross. Thanks.
*Wow,what a friend!!!...A dangerous one at that!
Just go cold on her and she will get the Message....
This one would just die of bad belle. Just go cold on her . Somebody like me I would give her the you don't exist attitude
ReplyDeleteThis your friend has a 100% Canadian mentality; both immigrant and regular Canadians. Do you girls live in Canada??? There is a highly aggressive spirit of envy in the average Canadian heart-I'm not joking, ask around. May God protect us all.
DeletePlease follow Stella's advice, go cold on her.
DeleteGood thing u don't share ur inner most secrets with her, just zip ur mouth, let her b d parrot, at some point she will start giving u d ' U Don't exist attitude'. Just take it and zoooooom. Envy, complex and Ugly competitive heart/spirit.
Delete@Miss see,we are in the same whatsapp group.
DeleteI would blank her. Who has time for unnecessary drama?.Mtsheww
is this true about Canadians? and i wan move there o. i detest envious people.
Delete@Anon 15:48, i disagree with you on that. I love in Canada. Canadians are very welcoming people and they accept all sorts of people in their country. For sure not everyone can be nice. So it depends on the community where you live. If you are living among toxic people then you better start defining your minds. Have you been to Europe before? Try spending some time there and then compare them with Canadians to know the difference.
DeleteShe is not your friend, people should avoid using that term loosely simply because you share a few laughs and bants with someone.
ReplyDeleteI have colleagues I gist with both at work and in school but to call them “my friend” is something I don’t do because they are simply acquaintances.
Stay away from this lady and stop sharing. You see her, greet her and keep walking. If she can say those things about people she doesn’t know then imagine the things she tells people about you. You don’t want her at your wedding then don’t invite her, if she confronts you about it then tell her you actually forgot and assumed you told her.
I have an acquaintance that acts like this,I gave her a lonnnnng gap although she still tries to attach herself but I don't have her time
DeleteGbam!!!! Doppel too much sense won't kill you. There is a difference between "friends" and "acquaintances".Wish everyone knows this.
DeleteNne why did you use chidera?? You could have used amaka or Pamela..
ReplyDeleteWe'll start distancing yourself from her before she poisons your man's mind because that's her target
I had a friend like this. I just went cold on her no greeting and she got the message abd left me alone.
ReplyDeleteThere are many of such people everywhere. Bad belle, pretenders, jealousy, evil people. Name them.
ReplyDeleteMe, I dont even keep friends so no drama.
Friend from the pit of hell
ReplyDeleteOne sided story. A lot of ladies behave this way and it is a pity.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to be truthful, tell yourselves the truth.
You’re too wise. Like attracts like.
DeleteGbam!!!
DeleteYou wont tolerate bullshit if you dont give it.
All this 'i treat my friends like sisters but they hurt me in return' is subject to verification.
In any case, why is it so hard for you to just ignore her henecforth wihout an explanation? This person has deeply seated issues and is it not best to ignore her?
No this isn't a one sided story. In all honesty, I didn't add to it neither did I take away from it. It happened as I wrote it up there. Why is it hard for me to ignore her?, well she told me about how different friends has stopped interacting with her suddenlywithin a space of two semesters and she asked them what happened. Reasons she told me in confidence and I can't share it here. I guess I don't want to anyways,say hence why am asking how to let her down easy.
DeleteIs friendship a do or die thingy?
DeleteAnon 17:46 the poster
DeleteSeems to me you want to hang on to a "frenemship" that is showing you signs it will consume you, ok then, go ahead.
Keep holding on to confidential reasons she gave you at your own risk. Don't come back later to say she collected your Fiance oo.
And to be honest with you, this isn't a chronicle at all. It has a simple solution, Avoid the "frenemy". That's all.
#hadeyhalaba
I thought I was the only one with friends issues.. this just depict the exact character of one witch I thought was friend.. this friend joined us in our second semester and turned us all to enemy unknowingly to us, She is the frenemy.
ReplyDeleteShe would listen to what u have to say about the other and go over to download everything to the other person.. we got to know the real her in our final years and we had watch what we do in her presence.. I can’t even say all but
Distance urself from that witch..she is a bad energy and she needs to stay very far away..
Why were you saying something about someone, that you know they dont like to hear, to someone else - who you know is friendly with them??
DeleteSays a lot about your circle!! You guys were back-talking and the so-called frenemy let the cat out the bag 😁😁
You guys ain't friends.
ReplyDeleteNawa oh. She is not a friend so don't regard her as one. Be mindful of what you tell her whether good or bad.
ReplyDeleteI think you should greet her if u see her on campus,avoid going to her place or her coming over to yours and avoid any form of date with her. Keep posting her and with time, I think she would get the drift. Be careful
I don't think she's a bad friend. She's hitting somewhere. I think she needs a hug. She acts like one who is depressed
ReplyDeleteThis person is not a friend. You have to run, run faraway from her.
ReplyDeletedon't let her meet your fiancé before she says all what not to him about you and don't give her your phone to make call she might copy his number.
Start distancing yourself from her right now
Poster, you're not a child. Stop being her friend, smiling at her or gisting with her. Don't invite her and if she asks you, just tell her you don't want her to be there.
ReplyDeleteAt a point in ones life, one should Learn to say No!
Your friend is simply an overgrown child. Remember all those jealous tantrums we used to throw as kids???? Unfortunately for her no one noticed it on time to correct her. She needs therapy cos she's borderline psychotic
ReplyDeleteSee why I don't roll in packs.... #onewomanarmy.. To avoid stories that touches the ovaries.... Girlfriends nahhhh! My dear just distance yourself from this unfriendly friend
ReplyDeleteYou are there asking questions, no time to waste just avoid her, stop gisting with her, mind your own business, stop telling anyone about your man. Friends are the ones to hear your gist, gossip with another, when your relationship scatter they will laugh behind your back. Give her space before she kills you. Any lady competing with you, trying to show off just let her be.
ReplyDeleteI have a colleague at my place of work, she want to be the only one with bf, with rich boo, with gift, with good wears, when I noticed that I stop giving her attention. We only greet and nothing much.
Chop knuckle @ excited courtesy. That your second paragraph summarizes the same thing i'm experiencing at work with a particular female colleague of mine. I noticed she wants to do everything i do, wear whatever i wear e.t.c. If i talk about going to school, she wants to do the same thing. If i talk about starting a side hustle, she wants to do the same thing. If i wear red lipstick on Monday, she wears red lipstick on Tuesday. If i wear nude lipstick on Wednesday, she wears nude lipstick by Thursday. At first, i felt it was admiration she had for me but after a while i noticed it's envy. In her mind, she and i are competing, so i've decided to ignore her completely.
DeleteStop being friends with her.
ReplyDeletePeople will come now and start shouting ‘one woman army! I don’t keep friends! Only me and my boo! One man mopol!’ When in fact most of them have this same character or worse. Envy, malice, covetousness. Pretending up and down. How do you know she went to borrow designer things if you didn’t go and do amebo yourself?
ReplyDeleteNo dear, like i said the guy knows her and he saw her leave, when I walked her.
DeleteThen he asked if she was my friend and I asked why?, then he narrated everything. Yet I smiled and said she already told me,that there is one girl that like to terrorise the class and he can't blame her. Immediately i knew it was me but i pretended listen,God is my witness, everything i wrote there is exactly how it is.
So please you can kindly give your advice without accusing me for you weren't there, thanks.
Abeg sleep lol. You’re as sanctimonious as they come.
DeleteYeah right. That's because i already knew that i would need to give anon 20:36 a feedback on what my response was to the supposed gossip.
DeletePlease swerve.
Every frenermy wish to be like you. The best answer to them is to top your game in any good thing they see around u that made them a frenemy. Zip your mouth. Guide what u eat or drink around them.
ReplyDeleteThanks Stella, I will reading comments.
ReplyDeleteFor someone doing her PHD, your written English is so poor, I don't even know how to classify it.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand the head and tail of your chronicle. I don't want to.
Please focus on brushing your English skills or just express yourself in pidgin English or your native language.
NEXT
KING XOXO MYSTERY
I was waiting for someone to say that. I wrote all that in a haste,so sorry I pissed you off.
DeleteYours is also poor, dang!!!!. You meanie, Oga wole soyinka. If you have nothing good to say, boda oloyinbo, say nothing at all. For the records it's PhD or Ph.d not the one you wrote up there. The "h" is not capitalized.
DeleteAs for you poster with the envious friend, please ma, kindly google "The traits of an envious friend" and thank me later.
All the signs are staring you in the face, but you have refused to see them. Better avoid her.
Reason why am very cautious when it comes to handling friends. You never know what devilish thoughts they have towards you.
ReplyDeleteJust follow stella's advice and have it at the back of your mind that no matter how nice you are, there are some people who won't wish you well.
It beats me how people let others treat them shabbily and they still stick around. I had this friend that was always telling me about her other friends. She told me all their secrets so I intuitively knew she d also be telling others about me. One day we had a very simple misunderstanding, something very filmsy. Next thing aunty started posting criptique memes on Facebook. I just laughed and launched my own missile. I made a post about people who divulged their friends secrets and how they were evil. Aunty didn't need a soothsayer to know that I wasn't playing. That's how friendship ended and all man enter im house. I don't allow people mistreat me. I must give it back to then send you on your way. Poster that person you described is a dangerous poison better run,
ReplyDeleteYou are the real deal babe. The real MVP
Delete💪
#hadeyhalaba
I agree. You really should focus more on your written english than this friend issue that seems to bother you. You are an adult i presume and no friendship is compulsory, you do not need strangers to tell you this. I think there are things you need to sort out first....like why do you think your friend is jealous because you talk to white classmates if she didnt clearly say so- my apologies but i think your self esteem needs an upgrade.
ReplyDeleteYou agree, i should focus more on my written English, you say?.
DeleteThen the joke is on you both if you believe i got admitted into a program with limited admission space by writing like this. You know they are board of directors that grill you in various ways right?. Talk about the oral interview, the submission of my dissertation and etc.
I already said I was in a hurry when I sent that in. I sent my composition in without proofreading and auto correct was also not on vacation on that day.
I also exceeded the word limit so I took out a lot of information hence why the epistle seemed complicated .
Stella was even nice enough to give it some spacing. No, I don't speak nor write in the pidgin language, not everyone can. Thank you anyways.
Give her the it is well attitude,whatever she ask or tells you, just say "it is well". My dear, nobody go tell her before she begins to mind her business.
ReplyDeleteYou mean she is all of that, and you still here asking if you should be her friend?.
ReplyDeletePlease get some new friends or retreat back into your shelf.
It's better than all these negativity you typed up there. She low-key wants your life and if you can't see that,then sorry.
Thanks stella for posting and everyone who commented.
ReplyDelete