STAND ALONE NARRATIVE....
SNOOPER NEEDS ADVICE
Hi Stella, pls I need blog visitors opinion on this
A married woman with two kids whom my husband claimed to be his bestie has been in contact with my husband since....
I am not comfortable with this their stupid friendship and have threatened my husband that I will call her and put her in her place.
She always call at any available time she get and at times she calls during midnight in naija time but we at day in the US which make me snoop on him because I was not taking it serious before as childhood friend that he claimed ..
I know the ladys mama sef,she is a friend to my mother inlaw.
When I snooped,saw where she asked my husband for money for Christmas and he sent to her. I have many male friends even here in the US that are married even couples and I respect their space I dont know why this lady is not respecting herself am feeling like calling her.
Pls am I over reacting or am just curious for nothing.
Pls am I over reacting or am just curious for nothing.
*Their ''stupid friendship''?...Take that back!!!
See how you wanna use Jealousy to invite trouble into your home...When you snooped,you didnt see any other thing apart from the fact that she asked him for money...And the calls she makes,i am sure it is not everyday and even if she calls midnight naija time,it is daylight in your zone...
Please dont dare calling her to warn her cos i dont think it would end well if you do....Sometimes have best friends the opposite gender and it has nothing to do with s#x or dating....Madam cool down and stop snooping!...mscheeeew!!!
Trust your gut feeling.
ReplyDeleteIf its nothing apart from money, chill n watch, cos na from clap dem dey enter dance.
...and from dance them dey enter breaking 🤐🤐🤐🤐
DeleteSmh... snooping, finding ‘something’ and not knowing what to do can be very annoying and unsettling.
DeleteTo be frank, you are going to need more than what you have noted for you to infer that he is cheating on you. People ask people for help.
I do appreciate the fact that the woman should not be calling so often and if she is too dense to know that, why can’t your husband call her to order?
Men at times behave big, clueless babies. Madam, don’t threaten to call the woman, insist your husband controls the calls and contact and tell him openness in your marriage will prevent difficult explanations in future, e.g this money he has sent without telling you; makes it seem as if an unholy relationship is brewing. Take away the barrier of distance and you may have a very active side hen on the beat. Your husband should do better.
Smh... snooping, finding ‘something’ and not knowing what to do can be very annoying and unsettling.
DeleteTo be frank, you are going to need more than what you have noted for you to infer that he is cheating on you. People ask people for help.
I do appreciate the fact that the woman should not be calling so often and if she is too dense to know that, why can’t your husband call her to order?
Men at times behave big, clueless babies. Madam, don’t threaten to call the woman, insist your husband controls the calls and contact and tell him openness in your marriage will prevent difficult explanations in future, e.g this money he has sent without telling you; makes it seem as if an unholy relationship is brewing. Take away the barrier of distance and you may have a very active side hen on the beat. Your husband should do better.
You are over reacting. Tell your husband to stop anything he has with her, since you don't want him to send abroad money to his childhood bestie that is far away in Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteAbi you see any other thing for the chat??
I'm surprised you're saying she's over reacting. Za oza woman could be a side hen you know
Delete@ DeHeroine or the legit wife.
DeleteI think he is just assisting her financially
Deletelol @Adire who knows
DeleteLillysimple it's not wrong to assist financially.but What happened to telling her you want to send something little to your childhood friend
I think the fact that some men don't carry their wives along makes them appear jealous.
Stelllls!
ReplyDeleteAll these peeps be claiming ‘besties’..ok ooooo
Stella no matter what there should be a boundary, bestie my foot. i have so many close paddies that they later got married, instantly i gave them space, if they call i pick, if it something urgent i text first. Madam tell your husband how you feel, let him reduce the way he pick his calls, she will get the message
ReplyDeleteDid they ask u for space
DeletePoster, I know you posted this because of the fear of the unknown but I think their relationship may be harmless. Considering the situation back in Nigeria a lot of people have become very dependent as a means of survival. You said the lady is married. They might be going through hard times hence the request she made. If you want to be kind, stay in the know and let your husband help them out while making her aware that you are in the know. That might put any negative motive to rest or completely stamp your foot down and stop them if you think it's not healthy if you have cause to feel so.
DeleteSome months ago, my husband told me about his ex girlfriend who is now married with kids always sending messages asking for financial assistance which he was always obliging without my knowledge until recently the woman started sending funny messages followed by pornographic pictures and messages. He showed me the pictures and clips after the 4th one she sent. I simply told him to warn her off which he did immediately and that put a stop to their communication.
If it's harmless no problem if you guys can afford to help.
People are naive, oh. You think "she is married with children" means she is happy where she is or her head is correct? Shebi it's on this blog someone who said she's married with children said she will marry her side boo who is in the abroad and relocate, and he will never found out about the first husband she won't divorce?
Delete* he will never find out
DeleteWhat is money between friends?! Why are you so insecure and unsympathetic. You’ve snooped and found nothing. She asked for money during Christmas. In your mind don’t you know that Christmas is the usual bless me with money period for most people? Now you want to humiliate her because you’re jealous and insecure. This woman even goes out of her way to call during the day so she won’t disturb his nights and you’re upset? You’ve got trust issues and you’re insecure. Last bustop before insanity.
ReplyDeleteSee madam, if you’re not comfortable with the calls then tell your husband to put that in check. You have no business harassing the woman. What’s our business with the fact that she’s a single mother? Oh, so we should conclude that she needs a man in her life? Try again later.
And I know the association of insecure women will support and feed your paranoia but know you have no business calling to warn her. You will humiliate yourself and your husband will resent you. Even if your husband was sleeping with her you have no right to call her. Let the boundaries be set by your husband himself.
Be guided and calm down.
Ivannah
You must be the chairman of association of beggars..she has every right to do what she wants.. It's her marriage and home... This bestie is invading her space...
DeleteSo it the woman fault? Chai African women have suffered. If that woman sends her Male friend money without her husband's consent, we will all call for her head. If this woman male friend calls her very often, we will tell her she is a married woman now.
Delete15:17 lollll is the mAns phone part of her marriage too? Y’all take this stuff too far and wonder why guys run after a few years
DeleteYou think marriage is your license to cut off my friends smh
Smh 15:17
DeleteHer husband should be the one setting those boundaries, not her .
😂😂😂
Delete@anon 15:17 If I’m a beggar then your soul must be wretched beyond redemption. You must be the chairperson of the insecure wives association. You’re a sad sad woman. I am sure your heart beat is always in overdrive due to your inferior complex and insecurity. Tragic way to live.
I repeat, there’s no big deal in a Christmas present between friends. Let me break it down for you. There is no big deal in Santa cash between friends as long as the sum given doesn’t affect the giver.
If she feels the bestie is invading her space then let her tell her husband to set the bestie straight. It’s not for her to call and look like a fool and make her husband upset with her. I’m sure your wretched self didn’t see the part of the bestie’s mum being goons with her husband’s mum. Calling the bestie will lead to grieviances deeper than expected because she’ll be fighting with at least four people - the bestie, her husband, besties mother and MIL. It’s best her husband draws the line if at all any needs to be drawn because it’s his bestie and his family.
I hope I’ve simplified things for your prehistoric brain. Stupid woman.
Ivannah
@anon 15:46 I understand you perfectly. But understand that marriage is not a battle of the sexes. It is a union between a man and woman who love, understand and trust each other.
DeleteAs part of our contribution to the world that has given us so much, my hubby and I do charity together and independently sometimes. We can individually send money or do stuff for others without telling each other but this depends on the amount of money and the person in question. What’s my fucking business with who he’s dashing money to within budget and vice versa? We only tell each other if it’s someone connected with the other. For example if I plan to send a gift to his mum I’ll tell him and if he wants to send a gift to my aunt he’ll tell me.
Marriage is not that difficult if you choose the right spouse and treat each other with respect and trust. Communication is key and from the very beginning you both should plan properly. When I see some women turn themselves into something else due to insecurity it makes me wonder the kind of men they said “I do” to. My marriage is not perfect but I sleep securely and peacefully at night and will continue to do so by the special grace of God.
I’m very sure the chronicle poster’s husband didn’t tell her about the cash gift because he didn’t want to feed her insecurity. For her to post this here be sure she must have been passively aggressive about this bestie to her husband. If I’m wrong then I’m sorry.
Ivannah
No 15:48, the man's phone isn't part of the marriage...but the man private part is. Your phone is always private but your whatever is never private ba ? If you can expose your nakedness to your spouse there is nothing to hide again, please! If you don't want your phone to be a part of your marriage then be single. Who is talking about cutting friends off? No, we are talking about carrying your man or woman along and letting that person know they are aware.
DeleteI read here of how men and women claiming to be "one" passwords their phones and I cringe. What for, please? The fact that she had to snoop doesn't make sense to me. Like you can't hold your husband's phone and go through it as he does too, whenever you like, without having to hide? Why do you hide? Has he forbidden you from holding his phone? I don't want to think he did that. Is your husband an outsider that you had to snoop? Y'all need to quit acting like she has paranoia or she's insecure. Don't we read a lot of stories here? Suddenly everyone trusts his/her spouse while the poster must be a friendship destroy and a suspicious human being🙄🙄...yeah right!
Its the duty of the man to make his woman secure, same with the woman. The moment you have to start warning people of your spouse, that's a telltale sign that your significant other isn't being respectful of you and your marriage.
Yes! her husband is at fault not her, for not setting the required boundaries. For if you guys had talked about everything, he would have let you in on everything and even go as far as telling you she asked for money. The kind of marriages you lots be having🚶♂️🚶♂️🚶♂️🚶♂️
I’m sorry my husband can’t go thru my phone. My text messages with others are not his business
DeleteAnon 16:46 Telling a person everything isn't the point here. That's a separate issue!
DeleteNot all of us need to talk or hear absolutely everything. Silence in a marriage isn't always a sign of trouble. We're not all intelligence agents but in the real world, some of us have sensitive jobs that we were already doing before we married. That means we can't tell each other absolutely everything, even if we wanted to. It doesn't mean that our marriages aren't strong. FYI, I love and trust my husband with my life, and I know he will kill for me. Even when we don't talk, we leave enough clues for each other (we think of them as bread crumbs to help the other find their way home) but we always say, "If anything happens, I need to know you're safe. But at the same time, nobody can access info you really doesn't have." Like I said before, we don't all need to spell everything out to validate the strength of our unions; it's quite frankly not that deep.
Anon 16:46 Some of the things some of you think denotes a strong or healthy marriage or how things must be done - I laugh at the ignorance. Shebi it's what someone tells you is everything that you will believe is all there is to tell? Lol.
DeleteThe way some of you act like, "OMG, if you don't do things this way, you haven't started" eh? I heard of someone who was upset cos her man didn't engage her with a ring. But he and his people have gone to her father's house to do intro. Sisi said she doesn't feel engaged. I just SMH and LoL cos it's trending Instagram engagement videos that are making her insecure, not her man.
I'm married but for reasons I won't go into, I don't wear a ring. For the same reasons, I haven't officially changed my surname yet, though I've decided I definitely will. Those who absolutely had to know, were informed and involved. But not even one of my so-called friends was invited to my wedding. No pictures or videos on the social media. No aso-ebi or any of that stuff that I personally consider to be nonsense. Yet, I've worn aso-ebi and attended events for people who assumed I wasn't married at the time they had their own. But I already was. If you ask them now, they'd swear I'm single. Or they'll say that if you're not showing yourself on SM and all that, it means you're not proud of your spouse or marriage, abi? Because that's how they define strong marriage. I laugh in my husband's native dialect cos my marriage is even stronger and more wholesome than the drama they act on SM (yes, I know they're acting cos they confess to me in private).
Anon 17.38 what did you type there,did you read and understand the post? @ ivannah just shusshhh typing rubbish okay,insulting so much to pass your message across will not make us agree with your senseless logic.do come back ans reply me again you hear,radarada
Delete😂😂😂
Delete@anon 18:37 Awww you poor sad sad thing. I can clearly see your ignorance is irredeemable so I won’t engage you further on this issue. One love darling 😂😂😂
Ivannah
Anon 18:37 If you don't understand what I wrote, move along and stick with what you do understand. You sound like a controlling weirdo who thinks she's smart. Lol!
DeleteI feel the need to tell you this. Who told you that because you're married, you should be able to pick up your spouse's phone (anytime you like) and go through it? You might as well wear your husband's clothes anytime you feel like it cos you feel like it. Keep picking up and going through phones "anytime you feel like it" till you get yourself killed for what was never supposed to be your concern & your husband won't be able to do a damn thing about it. In Nigeria, people die everyday and the story that's put out has nothing to do with what really happened. Some of you obviously think all espionage films are a figment of a writer's imagination. Cos you think everyone is a bored nurse hungry for excitement and married to a postgraduate student that is not yet working, so the hallmark of their marriage is a discussion titled "I made meatpie while you were at work." Some of us, our marriages are not attempts to validate our existence. You think everything is for social media. That is why some of you do things to pepper people who actually laugh at your public attempts to portray a transparent marriage cos the truth is a) they have (and have always had) more information on you than you could ever imagine possible, and b) they have taken the time to hide the existence of their own marriage and spouse from you. If you like, pretend you don't understand what I just said.
Shine your eyes ooo. Those two had/has felings for each other. Nah from clap e dey enter dance. The continous calls will rekindle a love flame or light one. If they are both sincere, your husband would have introduced you to her and make her speak to you on some occasion.
ReplyDeleteMay God give you wisdom to handle this. For it is a serious thing and an affair is brewing.
Had/has feelings ?
DeleteI hope you're not judging by your own personal experience, some people just have healthy friendship.
I've male friends my partner is comfy with and vice versa if for any reason he complains I'd see reasons as to why but deducing that there's residue of feelings left is quite inciting and unhealthy the poster is already feeling very insecure you can advise without being inciting.
Anon 15:56 no personal experience of such, but was involved in a "settlement" of almost same story line.
DeleteIf it's inciting, poster, my bad. Just didn't want poster to make same mistake of the couple
So because your husband married you, he's lost his right to have friends?
ReplyDeleteSome peoples mind is just damn corrupt , why would this equate something grave ?
DeleteWell maybe she's just naturally a suspicious person .
However it's a crazy world out there .
What is money between friends?! Why are you so insecure and unsympathetic. You’ve snooped and found nothing. She asked for money during Christmas. In your mind don’t you know that Christmas is the usual bless me with money period for most people? Now you want to humiliate her because you’re jealous and insecure. This woman even goes out of her way to call during the day so she won’t disturb his nights and you’re upset? You’ve got trust issues and you’re insecure. Last bustop before insanity.
ReplyDeleteSee madam, if you’re not comfortable with the calls then tell your husband to put that in check. You have no business harassing the woman. What’s our business with the fact that she’s a single mother? Oh, so we should conclude that she needs a man in her life? Try again later.
And I know the association of insecure women will support and feed your paranoia but know you have no business calling to warn her. You will humiliate yourself and your husband will resent you. Even if your husband was sleeping with her you have no right to call her. Let the boundaries be set by your husband himself.
Be guided and calm down.
Ivannah
@ ivannah,Yes it is good to give,from life experiences its also good to be vigilant biko,so keep quite make we hear word
Delete@anon 18:39
DeleteCan’t you see there was a duplication of my comment because I had issues with my ID?
I will keep quiet but let me first educate you for free. I don’t know the kind of rodents you sleep with that has made you this way but there’s a difference between being vigilant and being a pathetic, insecure and paranoid fool. A vigilant person will rationally appraise a situation and intelligently express her concerns to her spouse. A pathetic, insecure and paranoid fool will call the bestie of her husband and warn her off without first weighing the consequences of her assumption.
Learn the difference. One love 😂😂😂
Ivannah
Since I saw a transfer of funds on hubby's phone to girl in Naija (he claim is a relative still in UNI), I screenshot the message and sent to him...now the man dey give me money without even asking, if I go out he will give me money and say make una buy something for road🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteMadam, are we twins 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣 hi twiny
DeleteNa wa oh
ReplyDeleteHow is she not respecting you
She waits till her midnight to call so she calls at a good time for you. What’s the problem
Her mother is friend to your mother in law...?
ReplyDelete😯😯😯😯😯
Mmmmhhhhh nne when you draw your MIL ire make you no brand am senior winch o. E bi like say you are gathering
enemies for a war you won't be able to finish.
You have to face your husband and not the Naija woman (who wants to go abroad? 😊😊😊 ajuju).
Tell your husband that you don't like it the way the woman encroaching and
leave it there and watch (and pray) so that you don't fall into temptation (of scattering your home).
You couples that have separate finances una well done o.
If like in my case we have it joint and any withdrawal above a certain amount report to our emails etc. This
would have been a mutually agreed thing
and you will even be the one doing the remittance to this lady (for Christmas).
But when ya husband dey go Naija (alone) I pray say (Naija girl no go use) pregnancy no go trap🤐🤐🤐
Arrow shooters are around ooo.
ANG what makes you feel the woman wants to go abroad?
DeleteSo she cannot ask her friend for money cos he's married ?
I know it's a crazy world out there but I believe there are still decent people in it ,
The snag is that some people do not know where to draw the line unless they're called to order.
This might just be the lady's case .
@16:03
DeleteTo your first ajuju, I get aziza n' ese okwu...
Because she is a Naija girl 😊😊😊😊
I don't know all that can happen if the man asks this woman
to visit them (as "besties" concern na)
or if the man goes to Nigeria alone, lodges in a hotel and ask
this "bestie" to visit (and possibly bring local chop for him)
Only the poster knows her husband best. As for my own husband,
na that one I fit talk about ...as Naija veterans don remove top
completely dangle boobies for am when they were alone in our sitting
room...I don yarn am here before...
Enwe wey be monkey say im no fit defend the baby wey im carry for back
say e no fit chop banana; na only the one wey she carry for belle she
fit defend...
😊😊😊😊😊
You think it’s everyone that likes abroad @ANG?
Delete@Sluttychikito
DeleteEvery Naija girl; yes. I yarn wetin I dey read here and wetin I dey see for Naija.
Are Naija girls' spokesperson?
Ajuju aga aza aza
😊😊😊😊
Not every Niaja girl. I dont. Im too flexible yo live a routine life.
Delete@Tessbaby
DeleteThen you are a Nigerian woman (or "baby" like ya name read) and not a Naija girl.
Nigerian women live in the real world and not fantasy world like Naija girls.
You have to understand my yarns.
There are few Nigerian women on this blog, some of them are;
Ronalda
sdk
me 😊😊😊😊
Etc
Thank God you’re a Naija girl too.. and if you have girl children, they are Naija girls too. As you’re generalizing, it’s covering you and your family so I get it that you’re talking from experience
DeleteBecause she asked your husband for money now, she's now passing her boundary right?
ReplyDeleteYou're just paranoid, go find somewhere relax.. You want to be tell us she's dragging your husband with you n? Yeye woman. ow abi
Don’t mind the poster.
DeleteNa wa o. Insecurity at its peak.
ReplyDeleteTalk,Snoop, harrass her, if they want to have an affair they will do. Please go on your knees and pray madam. Take this burden to God and leave it there and don't kill yourself before time. If you die, the next woman will enter the shoes you left behind.
ReplyDeleteThe said woman is married. They might be going through tough times.
DeleteYour husband can no longer have female friends cos he married you?
ReplyDeleteYou’d be surprised to know how much that woman has done for your hubby, even before he married you.
All these women with ownership entitlement.
That’s how some of you bring ill luck to your husbands by chasing their helpers away.
Slutty chic we know you are forming "bestie" with other people's husbands. Continue ok?.
DeleteShe will even be surprised to find out that woman is the one that advises her husband to avoid sidekicks and tells him to put the poster 1st. You will be surprised how many times you might have annoyed your husband and he talked to that woman and she gave him a woman's point of view and your husband calm down.
DeleteMadam poster, you've snooped and found nothing except the money. If you think their calls are unbecoming, caution your husband but if I were you, I will do my best to be involved in their friendship so that, next time she needs money, your husband will discuss it with you 1st.
Anon 16:59 yes I’ll continue as long as my intentions are pure. Every lady can’t be as loose as you are 💁🏿♂️
DeleteStella has lost her identity as a naija woman kė,the way you give advice sometimes on some issues baffles me,so this poster should open her korokoro eyes down till her husband will travel down to naija to go sleep with this his so called female girlfriend and that one will hook him with pregnancy ba? I'm not saying it's not proper to be friends with opposite sex,but most times there is always an attraction either on one side or both sides,poster i'll advice you to guide your marriage well,keep your ears down and open eyes well well,cos they may be just friends but the devil can use anyone at anytime.Best friend with a married man kwa!!! even if the woman tries to be friendly with you the wife,still be cautious ooo biko.I've seen this kind of friendship before,my friend the former best friend to the married man is now the owner of the man,my friend even said the ex wife was too confident and will always boost that a woman with 2 kids already can never snatch her husband and didn't let their friendship bother her,when it happened so fast like magic,the wife never believed her eyes.My friend got pregnant,the man left his wife when my friend put to bed,bought another house to live with my friend,and she continued to get pregnant and have a baby with him every year,now she's had 4 babies with the man in 4years,plus the 2 she had before makes 6 children altogether,You need to see the way my friend guides this man jealously like her life,i no blame her when she knows how she snatched him.
ReplyDeleteStella sef. If this woman was still talking to her childhood Male besties, who is married, we would have all asked her to respect herself, if her husband doesn't like it. That she should not use her own hand to ruin her marriage. It not cool for a partner to make their partner feel insecure. Why must he send money to her without his wife's knowledge?...Women have suffered. Everything is their fault. Why wouldn't the other woman ask her own husband for money?
ReplyDeleteMust his wife know everything he is up to?
DeleteYes, in marriage you have to be as transparent as possible. Things you perceive as trivial could escalate into something big before you know it and you may not be able to prove your innocence. Husbands and wives should learn to barricade their marriage with unrivalled honestly.
DeleteAnything that could create suspicion or raise unnecessary questions, you tackle it heads on and that's how it's done.
I believe you are a woman @sluttychic. Please don't ever make a mistake of marrying a man who says that thing you wrote up there to you.
Anon 16:58 - you are wise!!!
DeletePoster please understand the fact that a man can be friends with a woman without any strings attached.
ReplyDeleteLoud it for the poster to hear.
DeleteI have some very good male friends who are married. It’s strictly friendship and nothing more.
jealousy..you guys stay 16hrs across the ocean
ReplyDeleteSmh @ childhood friend. That's what ALL the ex-es of my husband and I were told, oh! Neither my husband nor I was unfaithful to anybody we were in a relationship with when we were dating others, but there was something there that others could see even when we claimed otherwise.
ReplyDeleteThe first day I went to his office, I said we knew each other from childhood. Which technically isn't a lie, sha. Some senior staff members told me they have met people that know him from birth sef and he doesn't smile with any of them the way he has been smiling. They kept knocking on his door and coming into his office, I remember thinking there was a lot of foot traffic coming into his office and it was strange cos they ought to know he had a visitor.
Till one of them said they had heard so much about me that they were all curious. According to them, "It's not like he has never received visitors before. But this one he has been talking about for the past two days, we need to see this kain childhood friend." We liked each other but we didn't really know how the other felt. We honestly weren't dating at the time. But I knew we would marry the second one of them looked my husband in the face and told him, "I have worked with you for more than two years. I didn't even know you can smile like this cos you're always very serious. You may have known this woman from childhood but she's not an ordinary childhood friend. We don't know where you went and hid her." My husband had no defence, he stood there and blushed like a teenager. I will never forget.
People-a-gad, I am married to that same "shaid-hood frend" today. We got married the year after two of us told people in the broad daylight that nothing is happening apart from catching up on childhood.
The lady was in your husband's life before he married you so if she was that important to him or if he cared so much for her, he would have married her. Nevertheless, if the friendship/closeness bothers you so much, it's your husband you shared a vow with ,not this woman and he is the one you should face. Being emotionally secure is very important in a marriage and you both owe each other that.
ReplyDeleteThis is BS. My husband and I were in each other's lives long before we dated MANY other people. We're married today. We weren't dating each other when we were with other people but those people are now saying, "We knew it!" Apparently there's a way we talked about each other. Sorry but there's a way a particular person crops up in the life of the person you're with, that should worry you.
DeleteSome of Madam Stella's red pen advice tho
ReplyDeletePoster i will advice you not to listen to stella,it's her opinion though,i think women should learn to be really wise,infact be over wise and protect your marriages,what if the man deleted other messages and left only the only she sent her money,i don't understand this kain bestfriend thing,when you see and hear things happening in this world you will learn by force.let me tell you a story,these ones are even church people,A wife named Lillian got close to a prayer warrior from church,she would even come to their matrimonial home to do special night vigil with them after days of fasting,one day the woman's husband just packed his things and left his wife and children,Lillian rushed to church to inform her prayer warrior what has happened,for 5years this woman continued to fast and pray with Lillian assuring her that her husband will come back,she will even say she saw visions and give her all sort of cooked up stories,Lillian didn't give up she continued to pray and hope her husband will change his mind one day and come back to his family.Lo and behold,they were in church one day when a 12years old girl beckoned to Lillian to come close to her,Lillian said she even thought to herself like what a rude child but then moved closed to the girl,what she heard out of that 12yrs old girl mouth threw her off balance,the girl said to her "aunty i always hear my mummy talk on the phone,your husband is in big mummy's house"(The prayer warrior is the big mummy,the 12yrs old girl is her niece)Lillian couldn't bring herself to believe what she has just heard,a week after she told one of her neighbours,as a correct sharp babe that one is,she arranged 3 other friends including me,first we told Lillian to tell her prayer warrior she wants to come over to her house for a change this time to pray about her husband coming back home,the prayer warrior refused giving all sorts of excuses,then we grouped up went to the woman's house,2 of us went to knock,we told the prayer warrior we were directed from their church,we sha lied that we need serious deliverance,even we pretend crying self then she lets us in,note that the run away husband does not know us cos we only moved to the area 2years after Lillian's husband already left,after we gained access to the property,the plan was for Lillian to come knock and we will be the one to quickly get up to answer the door for her to come in,see drama that day as Lillian found her husband alive and well living with her church prayer warrior,I don tire to dey type abeg,let me find my car keys,going shopping,will come back to give you more gists.
ReplyDeleteShebi when Funke Akindele Bello said none of her friends can call her husband except on his birthday, people wanted to eat her raw. Lol. It's the ones from church you should fear most cos you'll never see those ones coming - whether male or female.
DeleteHa, this one pass me o. The evil men and women do. Poster, please be wise. Don't be in a river yet soap is entering your eyes.
DeleteI cannot stand that bestie sh!t.
ReplyDeleteBut Poster it's your husband you should face. You need to have an in depth discussion with your husband about this. Let him know that her requests and the time she calls are inappropriate and strange to you. And that you want him to put an end to it. Do not contact her no matter what and if he doesn't change you sef go and look for a male bestie or an imaginary bestie. Buy fancy things for yourself and tell him your bestie bought it for you. Always be laughing and smiling at your phone. Change your password. This is childish to some people but again it may be the only language he understands.
Really Stella . Bestie with another woman? What is wrong is wrong.
ReplyDeleteDarling, I think you are overreacting. Naturally, it's your place as a wife to be concerned about your hubby's circle of friends, especially the female friends, but your aggression seems misplaced here. What exactly do you mean by putting her in her place? Or is there something you aren't telling us?
ReplyDeleteShe calls midnight, Nigerian time, because she knows it will be day time in the U.S., don't you think she does that to respect you? Would you prefer she calls midnight, U.S time? You would prefer she doesn't call at all, no? Well, my love, that may never happen, so you have to deal with it.
Sweetheart, as long as your hubby provides for you and your family, I don't think sending his friend money should cause you much grief. Just out of curiosity, has your hubby done something to make you feel insecure? Are you guys having trust issues? I ask because I sense a whole lot of insecurity on your part. You have to learn to be more secure in your marriage. Insecurity is a badge no woman should wear gladly, it is such an unattractive look.
This bestie of your hubby's may have been in his life before you married him. Having a bestie of the opposite sex has its challenges and every female bestie to a guy is a potential mate. That notwithstanding, as the woman he married, your self-confidence should be through the roof. You shouldn't scare easily. Have it at the back of your mind that you can't police or monitor a man who is determined to cheat, you will wear yourself out. Personally, I don't believe in snooping but to each, her own, in this case.
Another friendly advice, darling, if you have an issue with a woman who is involved with your man in any way, take it up with your man. Don't degrade your womanhood by engaging with or confronting her, let your hubby be the one to set her straight. If he refuses to, that's reason enough to maintain your dignity because he is CLEARLY not worth it.
e-hugs and kisses.
Just because someone is asking for advice here doesn’t mean you have to be so patronizing
DeleteHow is she insecure? Please I have family in different states in the US and I don't wait till it's midnight in Nigeria to call them. I call them at 6, 7, 8, and even 9pm and I still get them. This woman is showing a lack of respect for boundaries. You don't call a married man at midnight please it's wrong except it's an emergency. She should time her calls to come in at an earlier hour. People should learn to respect the sanctity of marriage. I don't care how long you knew my husband before I married him. There should be trust yes and equally respect and empathy flowing both ways.
DeleteLet’s assume the worst is happening. The onus is on your husband to draw boundaries and be faithful. Women won’t confront their husbands but have no qualms attacking other women. If your husband welcomes advances then its on him because he’s the one that owes you fidelity and not the other woman. We forget how shameless and desperate Nigerian men are to cheat. As if they will die if they don’t have a mistress.
ReplyDeleteMmmmm. Be guarded sha . Time will tell
ReplyDeleteMy hubby is like urs.
ReplyDeleteI called one like that and that ended the over familiarity.
Everybody with their mindset.
For me I will call her.
If I go that extent he will know how hurt I am and will avoid such scenarios.
Depends on whom u are married to.
besties between the opp sex especially when married to different people is not ideal. if you like them so much then don't marry someone else. the moment you do, you have set the boundary yourself and each of you should respect it not to mar the bond you form with your spouse.
ReplyDeleteif you would prefer to loose your spouse or hurt them over a friendship, then you guys shouldn't be married. they obviously mean more to you.
a man said, when you help some ladies, they will feel indebted and think the best way to pay you back is sleeping with you. some even get greedy with the mindset of getting much more if they seduce you. most times, when you help some ladies, they'll feel like they have a certain control over you hence you are the maga and will even boost of it to their friends.
madam poster, I don't think you are overreacting. just have a heart talk with him without all the noise and in whatever means you know how, get him to draw the line or even get the besty off his back. Good luck!
To the people who think, this besty thingy might not end up being a ruse, "sometimes when you are too relaxed and open minded, the joke will be on you".
Thank you. I don't think that poster is overreacting.
DeleteNo woman in this world is and wil ever be my husbands bestie!!! Nope! Not ever!!! And yes, he has friends that are women and even as I give them space for convos and all but I know all about them.
DeleteAnyways, the man I married believes in transparency above everything. His integrity is important to him. And that has been our bedrock cos I cannot imagine my husband spending money and I don’t know about it.
Some people need to rethink their understanding of marriage
Poster, l have make friends but the difference is, they have not asked me for financial assistance because we all work. My husband knows my male friends. Just two of them. One is married while the other is been divorced for 17 years now. I, on the other hand is the person that asks them for help with one thing or the other. Example, l needed someone to co-sign a lease for my Sister who was new in the Country and didn’t have any credit. I called my divorced friend and he agreed to do it. I involved my husband from the beginning by taking him to the leasing office. He saw the terms. We wondered who will help till l talked of my divorced friend. We both went to his place and asked. We both took the paperwork for him to sign., etc. His name was on the lease for one year.
ReplyDeleteWhen the next lease was due, my Sister was fine as she never defaulted on her rent. I use this as an example to tell you something. Get closer to that woman. Be her friend too. In no time, she might start confiding their situation to you. Your husband will direct you to send her something from time to time.
Please take it easy. Things are really difficult at home now. I also want to let you know this. Years Absolute rubbish. So, he is leading clean up exercise.
What happened to the Commissioner in charge of that ministry?? Local Government Chairperson, etc All is Na showyoyo. He wore a mask due to the stench. How about those around. I only see white trash bag liners that he is handing out. I pity us oo!! See the way they were looking at him sef. For those hailing him, only time will tell.
His first priority now should be clearing the backlog of salaries owed the people. Nor be dutty we go chop. Let the sanitation people do their job. This is just a distraction, l had a very close male bestie. He was married with children. I was single. We worked in the same office. His wife knew me. Dude had three kids and was always broke. He asked for gas money, etc. l gave when l could. He had a three year old daughter that just loved me. Her parents couldn’t understand how she will cry that she wanted to spend the weekend with me. They began to drop her off with me every weekend when l could. This my male bestie, had his childhood friend come from the US. He brought him to my house and stated they were just in town and decided to drop by. Long story short, he introduced his friend to me and we have been married for 23 years now. Sadly, my friend passed on five years ago. I am still in contact with his widow and kids.
Do not stop your husband from rendering financial assistance to that woman. Befriend her.
Poster, your suspicions are valid. This is because it's from clap dem fey enter dance. Even if nothing is happening at the moment, what is the guarantee that this woman would not later begin to seduce your husband?Don't mind these naysayers above. If they were in your shoes, they would do worse.
ReplyDeleteIf it wasn't such a big deal, why is your husband sending his 'bestie' money without at least letting you know. First of all, why is your husband being besties with a woman? If she was so wonderful, why didn't he marry her instead and leave you for someone who would at least respect your union?
I am someone who respects the marriage institution so I would not take it lightly with anyone (my husband inclusive) who chooses to disrespect my marriage. The woman must have some nerve, disturbing a married man for money. Then later, the man would say that he does not have money to provide for his own home.
Please have a discussion with your husband and let him know that you are not comfortable with this friendship. But don't confront the woman. It would only further deteriorate the situation. Also, before getting married, you must have known about this 'bestie'. What did you do about it?
Are you minding them? I'm sure the married woman's husband doesn't know his wife is asking another man for money and calling him at midnight! Time difference, ko.
DeletePoster you have a good marriage.
ReplyDeleteDon't let the drums of war people are beating here, get into your head. They wont be there with you when the trouble starts
Don't let the Devil use you to scatter your own marriage.
Sending money to an old friend is not a bad thing...especially at Christmas period.
Deep down,you know this.
A woman that can ask a married man for money, not caring how her own husband will feel about it would sleep with this man for more favour if given the chance. Poor people are dangerous, most will do anything for money..
DeleteI an single but I will say this: you are not overreacting. I have seen and heard terrible things that started like your own. That the other woman is married is no longer a reassurance. Jeff Bezos left his wife for a married woman and that is from a country that infidelity costs a big deal. That the woman's mother and your mother in law are friends is also a huge red flag. However, do not reach out to the woman. Talk to your husband in a mild but firm tone. Fidelity should come from him.
ReplyDeleteWomen too should be sensible. It isn't nice to form bestie with another woman's husband. When my male friends are in serious relationship, I respect myself and give them space, talkless of when they get married.
My dear ehn...Just discuss with ur husband and express ur concerns.If possible one day ask to speak with her on the phone so that she will know ur still waxing stronger as a family and it will help chase away any evil thoughts creeping up in her mind..
ReplyDeleteIt's not insecurity it's just being conscious cos devil can use anybody.Something happened in my neighborhood some years back that served as an eye opener..The story was that there was a couple that were always helping a woman who was married with kids financially;but her husband wasn't doing much.The wife always gave her things from her shop on credit.Sadly the poor lady lost her husband tragically leaving her with small kids to take care of and things even became more tougher for her..This other couple that used to help her when her husband was alive took it upon themselves to help her even more and the husband with the knowledge of his wife;did so many things for her.Not knowing that this poor lady was already scheming to cause problems between the couple and come in.Started sending her husband nudes and dirty chats & using another line to call her husband even at odd hours so she wouldn't know;.The lady stumbled upon all that;and gave her a public warning;which everyone heard and were disappointed cos it was a general knowledge that that couple were very kind to her and her family.
Personally my man can't be besties with a female..
My cousin in d US about to lose her marriage to a widow in Nigeria who also was her husband's ex.It started like play;now her husband is on d verge of bringing the lady to the US.The lady used widowhood and sob stories to gain his attention and eventually slept with him repeatedly when he came home.Some men are just very gullible and seem not to know/pretend not to know when a lady is coming into them;but women we know ourselves and often sense it;when we do so and express ourselves they see us as being paranoid.Trust ur gut and nip it in d bud while it's still early.Economy is too hard here;and even if she myt not have "snatching" intentions;there myt be other reasons such as turning him to be her personal ATM/meal ticket..
ReplyDeleteJust like one married woman in my area that we always greet & is friendly with me whenever I'm with my husband;He pointed out to me that severally she has asked him for money and he gave her;but once I'm alone and she passes me;she bones face & pretends she doesn't even see me.My dear shine ya eyes o..Things are happening.
ReplyDeleteOthers have given their opinion as they are entitled to. I myself won't be comfortable with a married woman calling my husband at odd hours and asking him for favors. Poster don't feel like there's something wrong with you. You have your own values that matter to you just like everybody else and you shouldn't feel guilty for having your concerns. However, don't fight the woman or confront her. Have a candid talk with hubby and let him know your concerns. A spouse comes first before a best friend and if your husband is wise, he'll adjust his behavior. It's not so much that she's asking for money that is the issue but the brazen way she's going about it is wrong. Calling a married man at 12 midnight is crossing boundaries by respectable standards. Tell him how you feel but also be patient with him as he adjusts his behavior. Maintain a no strife environment in your home. Good luck
ReplyDeletethose 2 kids might be your husbands kids, men especially Nigerian men are deceitful, I have heard so many stories like dt, even uncles don't take of their nieces and nephew like dt
ReplyDelete