Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

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Wednesday, October 09, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Na wah!!!










STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TOXIC HUSBAND

Goodday Stella and members of this blog, please stelz of Life, help me post this chronicle because I need help before I run mad.


Long post alert!!!


I met my husband four years ago and for that four years he has been off and on, sometimes we break up for months because I'm someone who don't tolerate nonsense.



 Last year around June we got back together, and October he got me so angry that we broke up again, that break up was so final and I felt liberated, only for him to come back December during Christmas period begging and crying and telling me how he has changed, he went to meet my pastor , my mom, my brothers and even some of my uncles, my Christmas became a nightmare with all of them begging for him with the saying "The devil you know is better than the angel you don't know" 


Mind you I used to date a guy who was once very close to my family, only for me to call off the 3months to the wedding, my family never let me hear the last of it,they always use it as a source of blackmail whenever they are begging for him.


Fast forward we came back together January and I indeed saw some changes in him, then by may we did our formal introduction. Then the the traditional wedding and white wedding 3 weeks ago. 


Stella and BV that's where my woes started from. On the day of the wedding my husband was more concerned about guests than his wife, he even left me at the reception hall claiming my friends that counted money stole from him, and that my mother didn't serve his guest,despite my mother's arguement that everyone has eaten he was still insisting with a loud voice that people sent him text msg that they didn't eat, after he had left my family took me home, getting home his mother called me and ask why I went to my mother's house and I explained to her, she kept insisting I should have waited for them, telling me she shouldn't hear it that I passed the night at my mother's house that night.


 Later the best man came to pick me up, and some of my aunties escorted me, saying it's the tradition, on getting there my mother in law and three of his sister where already at the house, my husband speaking youruba to spoil me before them unknown to him one of my aunty understands youruba. 

After they have left he was still ranting about money and food, then I just took my bath and slept off, the next day for Thanksgiving he started again and ignored him. My mother was asking me why he didn't greet her in church, I just laughed it off and said maybe he didn't see her, getting home he ignored me and went to bed. 

I slept in the living room couch, on Monday he went to work, coming back he came to tell me that his friend who was among his men in suit had an accident that he wants to check up on him, I said let me come with you, he said no need, he will soon be back, getting there he called at about 9pm to say he won't be coming back home today, that became a constant reoccurrence for that whole week, come in the morning eat, dress and sleep out with the pretence of helping his sick friend.


 Four days after our wedding he removed all the gift from the wedding from the house without telling me and sold them, when I asked him he said he sold them as he needed the money, for what? He said he incurred debt for the wedding. Which debt? his siblings and mine sponsor everything about that wedding, you didn't spend 1kobo so what debt. Then he started shouting and I just ignored for peace to reign.


If I ask him money for food he will say he doesn't have that he is paying debt, I was so broke that I had to go to my mom's house to get food, prepared it, I came back and he still ate from it without asking how I got it. Then if he wants to buy food, he will buy the one he knows I don't ( because I'm very selective when it comes to food) and ask me to prepare it. On Sunday last week I asked him for Money for food again he shouted and said I shouldn't disturb him again that there is food in the house, and I told him you know I don't eat such food he ignored me, when he came back on Monday he said I should prepare beans that's when I told him since he won't feed his wife he should stop telling me to cook. 


Then he ignored me. On Thursday, his cousin who is also my friend called to tell me her cousin report to him that I don't cook in the house and I explained to her and she was very pissed and angry. She called him and gave him tongue lashing. Getting home I told him " is our marriage not too young for you to start involving third party" then he started ranting that I will never say I'm sorry that instead of me to kneel down and apologize I'm here still claiming right, the next morning I woke up and got ready for work and when he woke up I greeted him good morning, he refused to answer and I asked are you not the one I'm greeting he said what the meaning of that nonsense greeting? 


I left for work, getting to work I saw his WhatsApp msg that he has changed the keys to his apartment that I'm not a submissive wife and I can't tell him sorry that he will send my belongings to my mother's house. I told him, thank you very much . Then I called his bestman and reported everything to him, he was very pissed on my behalf that one ask me to come stay with him and his wife but I refused , then he called him and when he was reprimanding him he ended the call on him, I had to call my brother in law and report to him, then that one was like I'm acting childish that how old am I again, that for whatsoever reason I shouldn't be calling right now reporting issues to him that I'm supposed to manage my home . Then I asked manage my home even when I'm locked outside the house?


 Then he said I will call him and ask him to open the gate, I spent two hours outside the bestman was beside himself with worry looking for solution, before my brother in law called back and told me he said he kept the key somewhere that I should go and pick it there , then he said, " a woman should obey her husband at all time, maybe you should go back to your mother let her advice you" then he ended the call.


 The best man help me resettled in and said I should try and talk to one of my brothers so they can help me teach him a lesson " because I'm the only daughter in my family " and I told him I don't want to involve them, that they might kill him. The bestman later left . Then my husband sent me a text stating that I'm a witch trying to kill him and my plan will not succeed. And I reply "okay, sorry" then he said is that not the sorry you should have said since then ?

 And I replied "sorry" then he stopped chatting. After everything I took out my last 1k and make small soup. When he came back the first thing he checked was the pot, he look at me and asked me to serve him food. Food that he doesn't know how it came about. After he has gone to bed I called a house agent and asked him to help me look for an apartment. Because I don't want the next time he decided to lock me out, I should be stranded like i was....

I couldn't go to my mom's house because of what my neighbors will say. And non of my friends stay in my state and my job is here I just can't move suddenly from this state. I'm even yet to tell any of my friends because I know they will be so pissed.


Stella and BV Please pardon the long story and any error . ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™ So what should I do, right now, please BV help a sister out before I die in marriage. I will be in comment session to reply message and any questions some of you might have . Stella please post. Thanks for this platform.



*WOW,Why did you Marry this man?You were obviously not in love but you settled for less and now getting even less than you settled for....
I am lost for words on what to advice you to do but it is good you get an apartment ready becos he might throw you out soon.

210 comments:

  1. What’s this nonsense I just read? Sounds like something out of some low budget movie. You both just married for the sake of and now suffering for it.
    I don’t know what to tell you because you voluntarily agreed to this union, this is why I keep asking for people to marry because the person and time is right and stop listening to others. No one will ever know how your shoe hurts except you, look at all this mess because two people who are incompatible got married. I pray you gain wisdom to do what’s right for your peace of mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so sorry OP, you married the wrong partner and you just have to live with it. You can't divorce him right now because of the following.

      1. He hasn't lift his finger on you.
      2. Your marriage is still very young to be passing through such.
      3. You saw the signs in courtship/dating, but you overlooked it.

      This is 21st century, and if you know your marriage is toxic, you can simply walk out of it... but not after 3 weeks of wedding.

      Delete
    2. Doppel, she knows she did wrong and made a mistake. You don't have to reprimand her in that manner. She asked for advise and not abuse.

      Delete
    3. @concerned BV. If she is determined to get separated and divorced from this man trust me ,she can get enough reasons to..

      Delete
    4. @ concerned BV who told you she cannot divorce him at this point in time? she should sit there and die of high blood pressure cos the marriage is too young. Nope you are wrong you can marry today and walk away within 24 hours, she should forget this man before he kills her.

      Delete
    5. Very annoying chronicle.
      Poster, you can take super nonsense, so stop saying otherwise. You better disappear from that “situationship” and continue with your life before you get pregnant. That man married you just to prove a point i.e. that he can marry you, and he has. Imagine disrespecting your mum because his friends claimed they didn’t eat! You married an abuser. You better disappear and severe all ties with him, his family and friends! Just weeks or months into marriage you are already in tears when you should be on honeymoon. Goodluck!

      Delete
    6. A lot of BVs are just jumping into conclusions that only the guy is evil. This story looks one-sided and I am very sure we will get a rejoinder soon from her husband. I can sense two very strong-headed persons here. From the little analysis of her personality, she may not be too different from the guy. I will keep my fingers crossed and make no further comment until I read her husband's angle of the whole issue, from 4years back.

      Delete
    7. Poster please get on birth control as I am speaking!! Do not make a mistake and get pregnant!! I repeat do not get pregnant.. watch this man for 2 years if you last that long.

      I am Yoruba and I am sorry to say looks like you married a Yoruba devil who don’t know the meaning of marriage.. As a matter of fact, his whole family is like that.. look at people arguing about food at a party, counting money! May God not let our children meet these type of family.

      No point fighting anymore, have your backup apartment, keep your cool.. don’t talk back, sit back and wisely watch him. I pray he changes and your story change.. but if it doesn’t walk away with GRACE. Stop calling people or your friends... if you wrestle with pigs you will get dirty.. sit back, watch and pray

      Delete
    8. Poster. Do not get pregnant for this man. Get pregnant at your own risk. If all you typed up there is true then you are married to yourself.

      Delete
    9. Poster u see that ur mama, cousin, pastor n uncle n all others that threw u into this bondage, pack ur bags n go visit them one after d other narrating ur story so that they’ll know how much damage they’ve done to u. No nonsense u say? Dear ure a bag of plenty nonsense. Let me tell u d truth, it will only get worse so if u want to remain alive n sane stop this stinky attitude of putting what people said or ve to say in ur head, move out of that cage now n move on. When guyman ready e go come collect e change e pay as dowry. Start saving while u tolerate him for d time.

      Delete
    10. This one wey dey write chronicles 3 weeks into wedding never ready for marriage life at all. Probably una no even attend marriage classes. From the moment you stated that you don't take nonsense, I knew you were doomed!
      My mum & dad fought on the way from church over which vehicle to take back home from their reception venue, today, they are celebrating 40 years anniversary...... marriage doesn't suit you. He's no mugu, either submit or bounce.

      Delete
    11. In all of this,I did not see any form of romance or love making between you two.Have you guys consummate your wedding?
      Secondly,I will kindly advise you to separate for a while to see his reaction and also to clear your head.

      Delete
    12. Poster you truly not making this your marriage work. I am very sure you suffered this guy before the marriage. You made sure he provided everything for the marriage despite telling you he doesn't have that much. I put it to you poster you have also mouth lash this guy. He is not happy you are not happy truly it there is a spirit that causes this if you want to continue you need to deal with it. It is not must you continue with the marriage I can leave o but even the next marriage if you don't handle it well it will be same. I see you have been spoilt at home and you want your husband to do all you want. Take it easy o.

      Delete
    13. Leave this man I beg

      Delete
  2. Going by your story, this man did not hide his character at all, so what did you see to jump into this gutter?
    Money or what?
    I am confused here o.
    And you don't "take nonsense", do you give nonsense?
    You "broke up a smooth sailing relationship before this man came in"
    What was the reasons?
    Well in reading this story, I did not see any place for God in this marriage or did I?
    All these na the ajujus wey full my confused mind.
    Are you actually asking us for permission to offload this "brand new husband?"
    Or have you seen another one; abroad or ATM man?"
    Okay, make I stop here because e bi like say na only
    ajuju n' ese okwu wey fill my mind today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My thoughts too!!!
      Its obvious he displayed his character from inception, why did she agree to this union ??
      This is why it is good to pray!!!!!

      And also hear from God clearly

      Delete
    2. My thoughts too!!!
      Its obvious he displayed his character from inception, why did she agree to this union ??
      This is why it is good to pray!!!!!

      And also hear from God clearly

      Delete
    3. I thought the poster was exaggerating when I saw "long post alert". I couldn't read everything abeg. But what I read is making me confused cos even without praying, you saw this man's character before you married him. So, it begs the question: why did you marry him? And even more important: what exactly do you want us to tell you now? Are you looking for someone to tell you it'll get better? Are you looking for a divorce lawyer, house, how to tell all the people that helped you enter this wahala, etc?


      OA

      Delete
    4. yep. ANG... once there's a break up and make up over and over again then something is just not right...

      Delete
    5. Poster in case you get to read this.... Your husband is gay. Period. He married you to cover up his ways.
      He has gotten what he wanted so he doesn't need you.
      Poster I repeat again Your husband is gay!

      Delete
  3. What did I just read?
    Poster, you should have stood your ground. You allowed your family blackmail you, now you are suffering and I am sure they are not even aware.
    For how long do you think you can go on like this for?
    You married an despicable man. A cheap and petty one for that matter.
    You made a huge mistake settling for that trash you call a husband. He is not fit to be qualified a MAN.
    He isn’t looking for a partner/wife, but a slave.
    You are in serious bondage, and you don’t want to live that life.
    Pack your stuff, and zoom off.
    My goodness, what nonsense.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The very moment you both were breaking up and coming back, that was the time you should have known that he wasn't meant for you. You allowed family to convince you otherwise, now you cant even tell them. The truth is, this marriage should be dissolved as soon as possible. Its too early to be in this mess you know? You still have many more years to be together, can you tolerate this shit? Involve your people ASAP, no shame inside o, run now that you can before belle enter and hook you there..... RUN AS FAST AS YOUR LEGS CAN CARRY YOU. This one has no remedy please....

      Delete
    2. He kept going and coming back to her because he knew nobody would accept him. So he always returned only for her to accept him back.if someone show you who they are at first, believe them. That is the real them every other behaviour you see is a cover up.

      Delete
    3. No remedy at all @anon 15:46.
      This can lead to frustration, bitterness and depression. Imagine he saw his mum in-law and didn’t greet her.
      What’s your family like poster?
      Please don’t encourage nonsense. Involve your family already.

      Delete
    4. I have to come out of my shell after reading this...
      My dear can you do something for me that will make both of us happy...stand up and get the fuck out of that place,he is making you believe he is doing you a favour by marrying you and you can't go anywhere, if this is actually what happened ooo,get that apartment and leave don't even tell him or any of your family members.please stop this the wedding is just 3weeks,what kills faster this days is what the society will say,family,neighbors and friends, damn all that.
      For the single fact that he called and told you he changed the key shows you don't worth anything to him, and whenever someone start making you feel less of your self then you take a bow or walk.

      I'm sorry to say this, that your husband isn't a man an 18 year old boy won't behave like that....he is all shades of wrong....


      The way is doing me is to see you right now and give you better slap,why will you accept him back because they begged you and blackmailed you,you married him out of sympathy (eyah dey too beg me make I just accept am back like that) see wetin your e yah don cause.
      And again don't call yourself a no nonsense lady because you are not,when a lady says no to nonsense she always stand by it,but you no near am at all.
      I don't blame your husband at all I blame you and I have learnt that when someone tells you they have change run faster cos it is the beginning of there terrible attitude.

      Your husband attitude is among the reason ladies call men scum.

      Delete
    5. you are right, no respect at all. He thinks he is doing her favour because he married her.

      Delete
    6. bigbanty i like the way you dish out advise here without being sentimental.keep it up bro.

      Delete
    7. You can't be getting into marriage and say you don't take nonsense. No it is not done. Marriage is a union of two people and they make mistakes there should be meeting point for the two. Marriage is not boyfriend girlfriend where you can do away and get another one. There us a lot to it. Except you want to turn to oyinbo you can marry 7times. Poster search you self yes your husband has his own issues but you also need to play your part. I don't take nonsense is an extreme phrase

      Delete
  4. Even me reading this,I don tire. You never stated if the marriage was consummated.
    In summary, your marriage is to young to be having such drama

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Consummate wetin if consummate join this one no be die... Abeg this drama na self impose I must marry

      Delete
  5. Truthfully that marraige cannot last but you can try and stay.Please o my people have they started american visa lottery again for nigerians because i was sent a link.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The data you are using on this chronicle can help you answer this question from google or us.gov website. Apply at your own risk!

      Delete
  6. Poster I won't advice you to leave your young home but have a solid plan B in place. I don't trust this man you married at all. Please try to be submissive, kind and loving to him to the best of your ability si he doesn't fault you with anything and keep him in prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  7. My dear, Stella aptly titled your post. It is indeed a toxic marriage. Just gradually start preparing to give that man a break because from all indications his family is in support of his nasty attitude. If it happened exactly the way u narrated the story. Be careful so he doesn't beat you. His bad attitude was obvious but u allowed urself to be convinced by your family, himself and your desire to sha marry push you into this. Prepare for the worst cos its coming. That man has not started displaying his madness.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh why why why did you do this to yourself..why did you marry this Agavu Efulefu...No man can change please, he will only pretend but to what end?? Oh my God you knew this marriage is dead on arrival..He could not even pretend for the 1st 2 days of his marriage..Please tell your family and commence your plan B cos that man will deal with you...Abeg let me go and cry my eyes out..This is too much...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cry your eyes out, for her marriage abi your own?????

      Delete
    2. @WEB, are you okay?
      Did this chronicle hit close to home?

      Why do you want to cry your eyes out?

      Please, stop crying darling, its not the end of the world ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—

      Delete
    3. @Mrs A No am not married but it brings some memories..Thanks for reaching out

      Delete
    4. WEB this woman has been crying and you crying may increase her suffering oh. Allow her to cry alone cos is her cup of tea let her cry so that she will get new brain to move on.

      Delete
    5. It is really sad. Poster please be strong so you can make good decision on the way Forward. WEB don't cry. It is well

      Delete
  9. My dear, this one is not marriage o!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She doesn't tolerate nonsense yet she ended up with nonsense.
      How sad!

      Delete
    2. Kamikaze, that's the greatest irony. Both of them need to sit down and talk. They never talked during courtship.

      Delete
  10. Both of you are not ready for this union. has the marriage be consummated? if not it can be annulled so that both of you can go your separate ways

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They probably married for the purpose of being married and nothing more.
      Who endures a toxic relationship, of the displays of toxicity during courtship was enough red flag, this is exactly what I was saying yesterday no amount of pressure should make a person person for someone they arent sure about,
      It would always be just the two of them in the marriage no one else can feel your pain !!!
      This is just pathetic. Marriage of weeks

      Delete
    2. Take anon 15:14's advice. Except for a miracle things can never get better, only worse.

      Delete
  11. Wow! I'm gobsmacked. Thank you poster for saying you won't quit your job to move to another state. Although I feel next time it happens you should involve your family cos as breeze dey blow make fowl nyash open.
    His brother is supporting him so let your own family yoh too.
    Inform them.
    Don't die in silence.
    The bad thing is that, once you move out make up your mind what you plan tp do.. I. E do you plan to go bavk if he begs and promises to change like he did before? If the answer is No then getting an apartment now is the answer.
    If your answer is Yes, that you will go back, then move in with your Mom and damn wat neighbors will say. People will always talk.
    Don't tell your friends nada. Thank God they don't live in your state to kno if you change residences.
    It is well

    ReplyDelete
  12. This is so overwhelming, I'm even choked, poster how do u manage?

    Will he ever be mature n act like a husband?

    Pls get d apartment n whenever u can't endure, u crash there n clear ur head.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Like you opened your eyes and walked into this situationship? The hand writing was all over the wall before you entered but you ran inside. Do and get an apartment straight cos separation is needed until you know what to do. That guy doesn't look like he is ready to change for better. Poor and egocentric husband, I can't deal abeg!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As in clearly..Mene mene sekemene....Ehen

      Delete
    2. My sentiment exactly!!!
      For someone who claims to be a no nonsense person,
      She could have stood her ground and she wouldn't have been in this mess.

      Delete
    3. my tot, she was shinning eyes and entering into this one.

      Delete
    4. I wonder ooo, you are broke and still have the confidence to be arrogant? Please separate for now, go for your MSC if you have the money or just do something to make you busy so as to keep it of your mind for now. Where do you people find this kind of husband sef?

      Delete
  14. i keep saying it that pressure from family and the church is the biggest problem marriages have today. poster than God there are no children to that unlawful union. get a divorce fast. life is too short to be unhappy. first week of marriage when couples are in honeymoon u are already being locked out. get out fast

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right @ pressure from family and church !!
      One promise I've made to myself is I'd not bow to pressure, cos at the end of the day only you would have your spouse to deal with .

      Delete
    2. the man has not even touch her since she said i do oh, nothing like touching body or even kiss oh. where will you then see honeymoon.

      Delete
  15. Madam you have a serious problem, you are a stubborn woman and your husband too has an issue, both of you shouldn't be together at all from the beginning.
    You don't want to be submissive to anyone. I didn't see anywhere where you talk anything about love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You sound like a mad person

      She should submit to a weyrey that doesn’t provide but wants to eat

      Delete
    2. So should they jam head together...How can you talk of love with all the rubbish going on...

      Delete
    3. I wish you ,
      Knowledge , wisdom , understanding and a very sound mind.

      Delete
    4. Don I disagree with you...the moment the guy was nagging about food and saying someone stole the money at the reception shows the kind of guy he is and for him to also ignore his mother in law all because she did not serve his guest....I remember when I did my introduction, both my mom and my dad were not given food but I did not raise my voice to start nagging, when I got back to my parent's house I prostrate and apologise saw my then mother in law greeted her and I never act as if something happened..I did not even talk to my ex about it....he lost his respect the moment he start nagging over petty things that we all know is bound to happen at any Nigeria wedding.

      Delete
    5. @ DON how can a woman be submissive when her husband is not touching her or giving her the love she need? please stop saying that.

      Delete
    6. @Don the way you reason sometimes dey surprise me. What do you mean but she is a stubborn woman and she is not submissive? So she should kill herself for a man that behave like a child?
      @Bigbanty you are a real man.

      Delete
    7. Don, to whom Brain is given, Sense is expected. You are not using yours,kindly return it to baba God. I don't know why people look at genders before saying the truth

      Delete
    8. Did we read the same chronicle?

      Delete
    9. God bless you don. The only reasonable comment so far. She’s not ready for marriage with her attitude. Neither is he. Parents should school their kids in marriage before wedding above all love ,tolerance and friendship keeps a marriage.

      Delete
    10. Don na misogynist na what do you except from someone like that.Na him wife and girl child or children i pity.

      Delete
  16. Madam, ran as fast as u can.. Leave, and don't get pregnant for that backwards idiot and his backwards family. Leave, it not too late. Forget neighbours, forget the society... Leave. If u die, u die alone. Your family members won't die along with u.Let him go marry that side chick he goes to when he claim he is going to visit his friend.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Poster,I hope you ain't pregnant for that boy...please leave that marriage now its still early cos if pikin enter,you will suffer more.That man is mean,not ready to change and doesn't love you.You need to separate from him for sometime before he kills you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. how can she be pregnant when the local man has not touched her even for a seconds.

      Delete
  18. Poster, if you like go and stand oj the road to beg for money to cook for thst msn, it is not going to get any better. The sooner you advice yoir self and leave thst toxic marriage the better otherwise you will continue to send more and more chronicles. It is nor going to get any better oh! Thank your God you don't have any child yet
    Do the needful. Unless your are like some women like calling a pity party a d telling everyone how they are suffering.

    ReplyDelete
  19. He started acting up long ago naa. Must somethings happen to us before we learn?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know maybe as your name implies..They expect some magic...

      Delete
  20. Babe! The guy is just punishing you for all the breakups in the past. He is a wicked and vindictive person.

    My advice? END THAT MARRIAGE FAST FAST

    A man that goes about reporting you to his people is an enemy within.

    He wants you to spend all your money on food first before giving you a dime to even eat so you are completely at his mercy.

    Soon he will ask you to resign and accuse you of sleeping with your bosses.

    He did not sell those gifts, he took them somewhere else maybe to his parents,or sisters house to "keep" you and your people away from them.

    He does not love you and only married you to punish you!

    Leave now please please. Initiate annulment proceedings fast else he will drag the divorce to see you suffer.

    Please o.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wait you might be right, i dont believe he sold those gifts. Maybe he took them to his parents house or his side chicken house. Poster shine your eyes.

      Delete
    2. This comment here ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

      Delete
    3. Did I type this?

      Thank you for echoing my thought...
      I don't blame her sha,the pressure ladies go through for marriage and child bearing ehhh!
      Hmmmm

      Delete
    4. 3 words, annulment, annulment, annulment.

      Delete

    5. He did not sell any wedding gift..

      " they dont want "omoigbo" to come and use sense for them inside marriage.

      Babe as he has started exposing you to your in laws..they like it very well and will push him to do worse instead of cautioning him,that's why your brother in law said what he said to you.

      If you were their sister and you told them all he has been doing to you in less than 3 weeks of marriage, I bet you they will come and pack your load out of that house themselves.

      She must be smarter than smart!

      Initiate annulment fast.

      Begin recording calls and videos.. get him to say he sold the wedding gifts etc.

      Get proof and do it fast o

      Do not allow him touch you.

      Move to your friends place saying you are Ill or something.

      But please please you deserve better,do not settle for less.

      Delete
  21. I am so sorry my dear. So some men have started to misbehave from their wedding day. This your husband doesn't even know the meaning of marriage. That house that he is locking you from entering is your house too. You both have equal rights to the house because you are one body in marriage. His family are not even helping matters. Didn't you both attend the three months counseling church give to couples before marriage? Good idea, look for a small apartment even if it is a self contain. Don't let him know so that the next time he locks you out, you can have a place to sleep. Your husband is still acting like a child. He needs to grow up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Growing up ..And serious beating both in the dream and physical...Very immature...Poster because you dated someone for 4 years does not mean he is your own..He married you to punish you...He is a very wicked person

      Delete
    2. His family is a huge problem. This is all I see..

      After wedding and the girl goes back to her parents to say final good bye and pack other remaining load.. are the husbands people not supposed to come to the girls house and officially escort her to her husbands house?( except they have other arrangements) Instead they sent best man and waited for her in their own house.

      No respect at all for even her own family.

      Delete
  22. Dear Poster, i can feel your heartache from here. from what i have read i would have advised you to dump his ass right away but then i noticed from your post that you haven't really sat down as a couple to discuss your differences and find a way to solve them rather its A reporting B to C and B reporting A to D which isn't the right step to take now. my advice is that you find time and a conducive place for both of you to discuss you problems and find solutions. counselling should be plan B but please put God first.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Both are at fault..Involving 3rd party as your point of call...This is dead on arrival..

      Delete
  23. And you dated this boy for four years?

    All these stupid boys are not ready for marriage! Look at someone looking for a submissive wife: he can't even provide for you as his wife, what will now happened when you starts having kids with him...

    You've just made the greatest mistake of your life marrying someone you've been off and on with for four years.

    You better start speaking to your mother, your father, your family members and friends that care to listen.

    He is a very bad boy and he will continue to lock you outside.
    Gosh! How do you even date a guy that can't provide for you, something as little as food?

    That marriage is already doomed and you and that boy you call a husband knows it.

    A man who can't provide for his family, especially one that is not making any effort is an infidel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmao....the nerve ๐Ÿ™„
      He wants a slave yet he can’t even provide.
      He even locked her out, imagine the nonsense.

      Delete
    2. And he sold your wedding gifts... That boy will frustrate you poster, he's on a mission to destroy you.

      I believe you're still young and not in your late forties yet! I have read your chronicle thrice just so I could understand why you ended up marrying this guy, but I couldn't get the reason why.

      If you continue with him, he will promote himself to abusing you both verbally and physically and then, you'll start looking older than your age and even make you lose your job.

      Make sure you speak to your family and have a plan B in terms of shelter.

      Delete
    3. In everything you will do, please DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS MAN! Don't!

      Delete
    4. Serious tata with EGO up to high heavens.

      I am just so upset.

      Delete
  24. Your husband is like my estranged partner.They don't respect women or see anything good in a any woman.It will always get worse.
    I am not saying you should leave but be wise.
    Just imagine the useless statement from his brother.
    They all have a terrible upbringing.
    Damaged Men .

    ReplyDelete
  25. Jesus... Marriage fear have enveloped me again...oh God... I should stop reading all this sad marital chronicles , they make me get weary...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't be fearful,marriage is sweet as long as you put God first and you are with the right person .All these sad marital chronicles won't change my perception about marriage oh,rara.The poster saw the signs,yet she went ahead with the marriage because of family pressure.I was just imagining the toxicity between them as I was reading the chronicle.Poster just rent an apartment because I know he will lock you out again and please don't get pregnant, as long as there is a negative vibe between you too.No child deserve to be raised in this kind of environment.Good luck

      Delete
    2. Instead of fearing, why not take the lessons and apply them to yourself to become wiser, so you don't tow similar path? That is the right spirit not fear.

      Delete
  26. Madam,You brought all these upon yourself.
    According to your narrations, you guys were always fighting even before you got married.I am sure you were fighting him cos of his bad characters, you saw all these and you still went ahead to marry him. Sha leave that marriage ASAP.

    Wait o, you said he sold the wedding gift? I laff in English.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. E be like sey de guy na real agbero. Is he ok upstairs? His behavior is not just toxic, it is abnormal. Let me go and look for the language they speak in Shendam so I can laugh in it to relieve tension. The groom sold the wedding gifts without the brides knowledge...... Choi! Kio kio kio kio kio kio kio, let me manage this laugh for now.
      I'm sorry poster, your case is not a laughing matter. I just had to release the tension your dire story brought to today's chronicle. You must be feeling terrible.

      Delete
  27. Leave, leave and leave and in case he comes begging and you decide to go back hold a family meeting with everyone present and have him confess to all the lies he has been heaping on your head

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster, just leave. Don't hold any family meeting.. LEAVE

      Delete
  28. Madam, start the legal process for a divorce or and annulment. It would only get worse. If you get pregnant, it would be hell. I am talking from my personal experience. If you want more info about me, contact SDK. I would contact her too.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I am having comprehension problem here, maybe cause I haven't had lunch. Let me eat and revert.
    PS, you married a psychopath and they never change. And you have princess mentality and that doesn't go down well with a psychopath. Let me eat. I dey come back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You never chop and you respond like this, if you come chop nko? Please don't bother coming back, we've gotten your message.

      Delete
    2. You got it right. Like I said, both have issue.

      Delete
    3. So... like I was saying before.
      You husband has gone and spoilt your name before his family, please stop going to them to report this man, it will only end in shame.
      You are a no nonsense person that married a nonsense man. This man is a wrecking ball that will damage everything inside of you and eventually outside.
      I have been in your situation, but I didnt marry the person. He came begging (they know how to beg) with family, mother and pastors. Talking about how he is a changed person, I saw signs that would suggest that he had changed, but I didnt believe that shit. I was very prayerful as well poster (you need to pray). I remember sowing a very big seed, telling God to never allow me marry my enemy. That I have suffered in relationships and I dont want to suffer in marriage.
      I eventually decided to sit and talk things through. And during the course of the sit down, I told him I dont want to marry him and I want to end the relationship. Omo, I chopped beating that day. This guy beat me eee. I almost died, locked me up for hours. I was begging to be let out. Eventually escaped without my shoes, walked barefooted home and in all I was grateful for my life, still am.
      Essentially, what I am saying is that you have two options. I know you are a strong willed person. Either option will seem fine initially, but I am here to help you weigh in on both of the options.
      1. To leave now and never look back, you have done similar before so I know this option is not alien to you.
      2. Stay and put all the effort while hoping for a change.

      Option number one is your best bet to having an emotionally scar free life. You will start afresh and it will be easier for you to heal and trust again. Dont mind anyone telling you it is too early. It is too early for you to die as well my dear.
      Option number 2 will drain you, scar you forever and by the time the reward (which is change) will come, that is if it will even come, you will so bitter with plenty bad memories that you wont care for the change anymore. You will be all about you kids.
      Thank God you have a job, focus on you career. Your purposeful husband will come, I just dont see him in this psychopath you married.

      Delete
    4. 15:34 and 16:59 you really gave good advice. I too learnt from it. Your first response got me laughing but was very apt. The second more detailed with your experience. Thanks for sharing.

      Delete
    5. U sure ate fufu n Ogbono soup.

      Delete
    6. At 18:34, you are welcome. I had to eat to make sure I was reading what the poster just wrote. 3 weeks? In fact she said right from the wedding venue. Ah I had to eat. This one pass my power.

      Delete
  30. just 3 weeks n this???? he need a counsellor... what does he do for a living and y was it ur sibling and his that sponsored the wedding .. he didnt drop a kobo how come ??? he obviously was not ready to play husband...... GOD.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He does need a counselor. The poster must leave for good

      Delete
  31. Hmmm. Get a house or go stay with your mum. Forget what people will say. Your both not compatible.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Sorry but this marriage was dead on arrival. You both are not even in love let alone compatible. No good relationship in both families, no harmony..nothing!

    Everybody should dey their dey. Qed

    ReplyDelete
  33. I think it's time you involved your families (the two of you). though the marriage is too young for this but at this rate, that's the best option.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Jesus!!!! What kind of person is this your husband ke???this man is a Narcissist ooo,chai sorry wifey...I'm just short of words!...

    ReplyDelete
  35. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I am sorry you are going through this just at the start of your marriage. Gosh! I can't even deal.
    How could he have sold all the wedding gifts? Don't drop money for feeding? no sex? no companionship, no communication etc. It is too much.

    If you really want this marriage as the deed has been done already, you have to work at it baby.

    I will advise you be the bigger person in this marriage, prepare a nice meal, serve him, sit him down and talk to him. Let the emotions all out, if you have to cry, please do. Tell him how much he is hurting you, how much you really want the marriage to work, how much you love him to marry him after all the ups and downs, and how much you are will to be a submissive wife if only he will be the darling husband.

    Then listen to what he has to say, read his countenance, take note of his reactions, cos if he has any iota of love for you, it will show right there. Give him time to be the kinda husband you want BUT let your shoulders down around him and let him believe he is the boss.
    If after sometimes, no changes in attitude, character and behaviour, please dump his silly ass and damn the consequences.

    I pray for patience and strength for you to pull this through.

    Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster, forget this annons preaching. If you wait, you might take in and the hell will unleash in it's fullness.. your marry CANNOT work quote me! That your irritant of a horseband cannot change in this life. Make hay while the sun shines.goodluck

      Delete
    2. Poster, don't cook any meal for that idiot. Backwards folks don't change. Most poor people are very backwards. Him and all his family members are backwards, u can never win. Leave now that it is early.

      Delete
    3. Kai....sickening mentality.
      Did the poster tell you she loves her husband? Mtcheeeeeew!!!

      Delete
    4. @ Gina you think her husband is ready to listen? a man hat see no good in a woman, he feels he has not made any mistake but she is the one that has offended him. This your advise will not work cos the man is feeling is only the woman who is at fault.

      Delete
    5. Side eyes at Gina ๐Ÿ™„. Hope all is well. Are you married?

      Delete
    6. Say what??? Poster pls disregard. This advice would’ve been acceptable if he suddenly changed towards u but in this case he has always been like this. U now live together so my dear u never even see d devil in him. This is just d beginning.

      Delete
  37. This right here is the reason I keep saying mental state of the intending couple should be checked before marriage! Even before introduction.
    I'm sorry poster, but you're married to a mad man and the madness runs in his family. Please, ruuuuunnnn and the day you're leaving, don't you dare tell him. You can tell him you're going for an official assignment out of time for a couple of days.
    My reason is, if he knows you're leaving him, he can decide to disfigure you if not kill you. Just do no other man would have you...

    ReplyDelete
  38. Poster when you rent the new apartment, tell him you guys need space and make sur you leave him for a long time.
    Don't listen to people when they will start saying you should fight for your marriage. Give him enough space to fight for the marriage and your attention.
    If he did not change
    for good, then divorce him.
    No go kill yourself because of marriage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Follow Chike's advice..you won't regret. In addition, don't even go back,as it will your greatest undoing esp. with kids involved..your horseband cannot change, he is sick and irredeemable.a good human being won't treat his friend like he treated you let alone wife

      Delete
  39. What did I just read? Poster are you sure your attitude is not the reason why he is behaving like this? . it has happened. My advice is that you should try and be submissive, be calm and watch things, try not to get angry easily. The marriage is too young for this. Getting a house for yourself isn't right for now. Just be calm,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She has a bad attitude, no doubt about that. Now she married to a man with a serious issue. Both are not OK.

      Delete
    2. Wrong advice! If you start working on your marriage this early, then your whole life na hardwork o

      Delete
    3. you guys should making it look like the man is perfect and she is not. Both of them are at fault, they should try to make things work out and not saying she is the only one at fault. You don't understand how it feels like when a person is treating you badly and still expect respect from you.

      Delete
    4. @Anon 15:45 it is good she get a new place. This man can't change and will still lock her out again. For her safety at night, let her get a place to sleep if such happens again. With all the ritual killing, rape and kidnapping going on in this country, Poster please get a new place even if na self contain.

      Delete
  40. poster let me tell you something you don't know any time your relationship keep breaking, coming back, family members keep begging for the guy/lady just follow your heart and stop acting based on what your family are saying. Now who is wearing the shoes with you? since you said i do you have not being able to have sex or have honey moon with your said husband. Is this one marriage abi is better to be single than this one chance marriage you entered with your both eyes open.
    your husband is not in love with you, he married you cos you family are doing will, he want their money which he got and he is messing up.
    ladies never allow your family to spend more, much or more than your husband in a wedding. Allow the man to spend all the money so that he can sit his ass and make his marriage work. How can a man be treating a woman badly and still expect her to be submissive and humble, where can you get that one? an angry person cannot be submissive or a woman who you have not satisfied her sexually cannot be submissive to you.
    finally, before this man gives you high blood pressure i will beg you to open up to your family, they were the ones that presured you and begged you to marry a selfish and abusive man cos they want a son in-law. The game has set for you since you decided to listen to them and do as they say, tell them to come and fix it for you. You better leave this marriage before anything like child will join you and this man. If you decide to give him another chance or make love to him please do not get pregnant immediately till you are sure he is a change person before he will tie you down forever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The man still expects her to be the one feeding him after marriage by force ooo. Na wa ooo. He is definitely not a man, not to mention husband. Are you older than him? I am trying to find out why he is deluded into thinking he is doing you a favour.

      Delete
  41. Sis first of all please don't have a child by that person that thinks he's a man. Then since you have a job and he clearly doesn't provide please get yourself the apartment and move out before he starts beating you on top submissive wife nonsense. Maybe later later you can tell your family or tell your mother what's going on so incase anything happens somebody will know. His family too are ingrates smh. Please just sha know this one no be better human being talk more of husband and when you move out he might come begging please stand your ground oo and don't go back. People don't just get married because your family members are begging, they won't be with you in the marriage when things start to happen. But first of all please move out first for your own safety and sanity.
    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Hmmm. This one is hard sha. For someone who said she doesn't take nonsense, what made you marry this man in the first place.. is it that he fucks good, what really, cos when God want to punish a lady, he gives her a broke man with a good dick..

    You could have also told us the wrongs he did earlier, and what the one you ended the relationship close to the wedding date did too,all you said was that they annoyed you? How did they annoy you? This would help us understand the situation more. Maybe you also have pride, just saying.. search yourself and tell yourself the truth.
    We'll be putting you in prayers.

    Dante

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Na wa ooo. Na real punishment be this. Poster I feel for you. Your marriage is not up to a month. Pls prioritize getting that apartment. Also give yourself treats so you don't get too depressed. Pray and seek your Maker and make sure your family is in the know, because I am not sure you are safe.

      Delete
  43. Poster all I see is you settling for a thoroughly vindictive man who is still hurting you for the past. Such people do not change. You did well to have started house hunting. Plz do not quit ur job. He is a BOy who has no business being a husband. I pray God strengthens you and guides you accordingly cos you will need lots of it.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I wish you will just wake up and tell us it was just a dream, i keep wondering why some men are so useless and stupid , is it that their parents failed to train them well or just societal pressure, mind the kind of man you flow with, how he treats his family, friends, his attitude before you jump to say i do. I pray you survive this.

    In other news, i just came back from my mother in-law house, she insisted i come stay with her too after finding out i visited my mom for a month, I had no option than to pass a week there, this woman really pampered me oh, see cloths she gave me while going back, made pots of soup for me so i don't stress due to my condition, what a sweet woman in the body of an iron lady.

    Rumour has it that my sister in law that we buried nearly a year a go, her best friend has taken over the husband, olofo olofo said she is even pregnant for the guy and he has sent her to one of his houses in another state to stay for now because the guy is rich hmm mm mm my husband has been swearing with his life if they confirm the gist to be true, that means the girl killed his sister, the baby of the house. I said Oga you can't come and swear this kind swear when you don marry come get pikin for road, he said to hell with everything. I said allow God to revenge but he is the stubborn type so me I switched to my woman power, tears everywhere and from there sickness come enter, guy man has been begging me that he won't do anything again, he can't loose me after his sister's demise, else he will commit suicide, everyone knows his late sister and i are his two most favorite people on earth and he really fought to save her. I can't come and become a widow at this young age in the name of revenge, although my moves has landed me in hospital as the nwa mummy i be, make i receive my treatment i don't mind than loosing my babe.
    I will be updating you guys as the gist unfolds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. my dear Sofree sofree abeg dear dear o...Make hubby take am easy...I dey wait for the remaining gist...Get well soon

      Delete
    2. Queen Amy, take care of you and your family. God bless your mil, her type is rare. God protect y'all.

      Delete
    3. See gist. Continue to take care of your self and use wisdom. Shey ya people no be BVs?

      Delete
  45. Hmmmmmmm......its well with you sister. You have just entered a long, lonely, heart wrenching and ugly marriage. See lemme tell you ehnn...Just jejely get a place as you're already planning to do and move out coz he would never change. it would soon generate to verbal curses and hitting you. I know coz i've been there...didnt last more than a year with him ..i ran for my dear life and sanity. i became an old woman overnight..could not feed myself anymore...i became the man while he became the woman...would rise up at the middle of the night with his bible raised up hight to lay curses on himself not me...story plenty biko...but your story brought back those ugly memories. babe girl...leave while you cam..coz once u get belle he would be in your life for ever...now u still have the opportunity to start on a clean slate. the devil just projected that one into your life to derail your marital destiny..d choice dey your hand nwanne...now i'm so happy..no drama..no curses..no forceful sex..no guilt trip..no emotional blackmail..no taunts..no hunger..no thirst...im just basking in the love of God and loving myself more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm wow what a story...Na wa oh...

      Delete
  46. Na wa o, I would have said that you should just end the marriage already BUT please, go for counselling first. Try and fix it and if it doesn't work, end it soonest. Best of luck.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Chronicle of a petty, village, broke man's wife.

    ReplyDelete
  48. I almost fainted reading this, was feeling dizzy, how much more you that is in the marriage. Do whatever pleases you biko. Its your life๐Ÿคฆ‍♀️

    ReplyDelete
  49. I agree with Stella. I see this happening everyday even amongst close friends.It is not your fault that you found yourself in this situation and besides it is better late than never as you have come to your senses and you seek for peace of mind from the marriage. Since you are already looking for an alternative accommodation, it is a good step in the right direction. Once you get the accommodation and you put in place the basic things you need to survive, call for a family meeting (Respected representatives from both sides) and pour out your mind. Remember, your courage needs to be on "steroids" because, they will beg and if you refuse, they will call you names and all sort. That Man doesn't love you and from your write up, I can deduce that He is an emotional abuser/blackmailer. GET OUT AS SOON AS YOU CAN! THE MARRIAGE WAS ALREADY OVER BEFORE IT EVEN BEGAN!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Madam pls u don't have kids yet!!!! Biko its your life and your rules
    You can start all over again!!!!
    The morning shows d direction of the day
    I hardly comment on this blog but biko u are too young for all of this
    You are 100% responsible for the outcome of your life so be intentional with your decisions

    You don't have a child yet pls run ๐Ÿƒ ๐Ÿƒ ๐Ÿƒ
    Cut your looses
    Is this d kind of man u want to father ur kids? What example is he setting??

    ReplyDelete
  51. OMG! I feel so sorry for you poster.
    See I want you to give at least one last try before you walk away.
    Sit him down and ask him why all these are happening. Cry if you have to,just play the fool this time around. His response will let you know if he's ready to change or not. Ask him where he needs you to change and ask him if you can also tell him where you want him to change.
    Marriage is a lot of hardwork,if after all these he still remains adamant in his wickedness then you can leave.
    Most importantly, pray. Ask God to help you,he will! You need to inform at least one member of your family of all that's been happening, don't die in silence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This one is no marriage, abeg. Poster leave

      Delete
  52. Madam some men just naturally don't have common sense. It seems your husband has too much ego and wants to forcefully dominate you since he believes you are not submissive.

    There are two ways to follow this man if you want to remain married.

    1. Act like he wants, be submissive to his every whim. The problem with this approach is that he might take you for granted and you will suffer enough heartaches plus headaches.

    2. Fire for fire approach. This man has no shame so remove your shame too. This is the beginning of marriage and as you lay your bed, so you lie on it. If he wants to shout, ignore him, don't even pick his people's calls or report anything for now. If he locks the door, break it down by telling gateman you forgot your keys and buy new locks. See some men no get SENSE and you have to show them you are not taking shit. If he doesn't apologize, my dear no apologise shit! For food issues, if he doesn't bring money, don't cook or cook your own chop.

    Marriage life can be tough at the beginning for some people due to some crazy traits like this but once you know you are right in anything, just pray to God for the will to pass through this time.


    My method might not be acceptable by some but it worked very well for me and we have both learnt how to live in peace and love for years not taking advantage of one another. Sometimes to get peace, you must go to war. But if you are not interested in the marriage, take a walk.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ๐Ÿ’ฏ ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

      Delete
    2. ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฅ



      ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ
      As e dey hot !!!

      Delete
    3. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

      Delete
    4. ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏ

      Delete
  53. Bear i mind He will not change rather He brings in more frustration. Never listen to what people will say because no body can please the world,and your family will be the one loosing if anything happens to you. Haba! 3 weeks is too early to experience all these.
    His next step will be to make you loose your job, or ask you to quit so that you'll forever be at his mercy.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Big Mama Thornton9 October 2019 at 16:22

    Chai you should be sending WNB to Stella not Chronicles so I know I can learn more skills on how to bang my husband. Hmmm.com.ng

    ReplyDelete
  55. There are always two sides to a story, and even a third side if there is a witness. The Lady started with her chronicles that she is the type that doesn't tolerate nonsense, secondly she said he got her so angry that they broke up. My conclusion to this relationship is that both parties have pride, the Man want to be the Head of the house at all cost, while the wife also is not submissive. If both of them can understand the Logic of Love your wife and submissiveness (it comes simultaneously) the bible talks about this issues will not be arising. #MyOpinion.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Poster please I can't say this marriage won't last.
    But I'll beg you, don't mistakenly get pregnant in this type of marriage, i beg you, it'll limit your decision making.
    Tske your time, having babies don't save a marriage, I'm talking from experience.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Like experience of other people I've seen

    ReplyDelete
  58. Just 3 weeks. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ.
    Please, for the sake of your sanity, pack out, you have not gotten a husband yet. If you can’t move back to your mother’s house, rent an apartment as you have rightly called an agent. Move there and do not let anyone put you under pressure to go back to him. Do not let anyone from his side ( best man , cousin, in- law) know where you moved to

    ReplyDelete
  59. Why are the both of you married? There is wedding and there is marriage..Both parties must understand what marriage entails before getting into it...Did you guys ever talk about your expectations of each other in marriage..I feel like there is a major disconnect and to think you dated for 4 years? Our society needs to stop pressuring singles,many times it results in a major disaster

    ReplyDelete
  60. That man is gay.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Three weeks is not a long time. It will be easier to leave now than in 3years time after having children. If u leave now it will be easier to move on and also give urself a chance to meet some you love and who loves equally

    ReplyDelete
  62. My advice is in this proverbs:~"A leopard never changes its spot", "A dog never goes back to its vomit", "Make hay while the sun shines ". Poster,advice yourself .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Correct.๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿพ

      Delete
  63. Poster why lie about your identity,when husband doctor marries wife lawyer,your pics were all on facebook, you dont know the mess you have gotten your life into,your story reminds me of somebody and his family with this same character trait,my advice is run as fast as your legs can carry you, and please dont disclose your hide out location to anybody,your husband is a very jealous,violent, man, i pitied you when i saw your wedding poster on facebook,forget the money your husband has or the money the family claim to have all na scam, the insults will continue,the maltreatment will never stop, his mother will never apologize so will your husband and entire family, i dated someone that fits the exact description of your husband,i may be wrong if its not the same person,but your life is in danger am talking from experience.Best of luck and try seeking for a transfer out of the state your working,he hates being slighted or disgraced by a woman

    ReplyDelete
  64. I can't and won't advice you to leave your marriage but take it from me, you are in for a longggggggggggg horrible terrible unpalatable disgusting union.

    If you decide to stay, brace yourself and prepare for the worst.

    The worse kind of man to have as a husband is a childish immature overgrown teenage boy.

    Just get the union annulled and damn what everyone will say(oops I said it!).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol. It ain't your fault. I didn't want to advise her to leave but I had to think what I would advise if she were my sister.

      Delete
  65. Poster this marriage was dead on arrival, think of how to get out of this mess you called marriage. You are not married to ur self rather you are married to ur enemy. Start counting your loss and live his sorry ass. Have it at the back of ur mind, he will never change.

    ReplyDelete
  66. 3 weeks marriage drama - even Hollywood or Nollywood would not script such mess. You got the ring now what?

    ReplyDelete
  67. First take it to God in prayers.
    Learn to tolorate nonsense.
    Ignore him.
    Stop complaining to anyone.
    Learn to say sorry since thats what he feeds on.
    Both of you should go for delieverance.
    Have your own money.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Will she drag him for deliverance?

      Delete
  68. RUUUUN right now. You are not in a marriage. I see extreme immaturity, irresponsibility, possible infidelity and tribal differences and that is just on one side. You made a mistake and you will have to pay for it by people gossiping about you. Trust me it is a very SMALL price to pay compared to what is ahead of you if you stay. I wish someone ad told me what i am telling you now. RUUUUN as fast as your legs can carry you and don't listen to any begging again.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Dear poster,
    You have taken the right step. search for an apartment and move. Never wait for when he will throw you out again. Move. Move now. This is strange. The man is so beneath you. If nothing, seek value, seek respect, seek self respect. Hian!!! This is so strange.

    ReplyDelete
  70. This is what happens when a dumb woman marries a narcissistic child-man. You're a very unintelligent person. And you're too full of yourself. Obviously you're not yet ready to marry. If you married a good man, you would still have problems cos something is wrong with your head. No wonder you threw a good suitor away and settled for this trash. "Kolanut lasts long in the mouth of those who value it", they say. You don't value your marriage and have absolutely no regard for your man. I hope you didn't use jazz on him, that kept him coming back. Cos I can't fathom why the man is behaving like a mad man. Some women will be running from pillar to post, bathing all kinds of soaps, creams, perfumes, all in the name of searching for husbands, sic. Sometimes, this is the side effect. The charm will just go and 'gumbody' one 'imbecile' to you and they will refuse to leave you and marry you by force.

    I won't be surprised if he truly has mental issues though. It's hereditary(could run in their family) and sometimes in Africa, it could be the side effects of jazz. Or he could be abusing drugs. He's sha not 'well' sha.

    That said.

    I'm not doubting the fact that your husband is wrong. YES, he is wrong on all levels. But you are not a wise woman either. Do two wrongs make a right? You seem like a spoilt brat. I really feel for you.

    Women have married worse men than your husband and have managed their marriages successfully. Yes, some men eventually turn out to be unmanageable and unbendable, in which case, the term 'marriage broken down irretrievably' comes to play. But in your own case, you never try at all. You no try my sister. How many days marriage?!!!

    It could be that your village people are at work too. Both of you need serious spiritual and psychological evaluation and help.

    I noted how you kept saying " Best man this, best man that". Hope you haven't fucked him or anything like that? Nothing wey we never hear before. For a man to be behaving like your husband, he may know something that he isn't saying. That's on one side. On a more serious note, 'best man' is not helping matters at all. He sounds to me like a betrayer or a two-faced SOB. He is supposed to be loyal to his friend rather than taking sides with you low key(oblivious to the man obviously). That's the sign of a betrayer. And if he wasn't two faced, playing both you and your husband, he would be more firm in making your husband behave appropriately, rather than dancing back and forth. He is probably 'doing' you when he gets to your husband's side. I hope he's not what Yoruba call 'Asenibanidaro'.

    As for your friends, you mentioned they'll be pissed off. Pissed off, my foot! They will so mock you behind your back ehn? Some of them are

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This must be the husband ooo. Abeg change for the better.

      Delete

  71. As for your friends, you mentioned they'll be pissed off. Pissed off, my foot! They will so mock you behind your back ehn? Some of them are even updating your husband as we speak.

    I have no real advice for you today on how to be a wise woman/wife. That's a 4year course on it's own. We can't finish today. I will only give you a few tips:

    1. This is Africa, if you're not ready to be submissive to your husband, go and pack your load, you're not ready to marry.

    2. It's not everything your husband does or says that you must take serious or hold against him. Learn to overlook some things. According to you "... Food that he didn't even know how it landed... bla bla bla". And so?! Your own too much sef. You complain about basically everything. You didn't even thank God that he ate the food. In life, you must learn to give people long rope to pull so you can be flawlessly vindicated when the time comes. How will you catch him red-handed if you're not patient and resilient? Allow him to keep doing the crazy things he does for a while. Thankfully, he hasn't started beating you yet. You just do your best to make things work (Afterall, you saw these things coming and dived head first into it) Then you'll be given kudos later that you tried your best.

    Madam 'no nonsense', that is just another for irritable. You're highly irritable and intolerant. No good fruit germinates without dirt ma. Yoruba a ni " Gbogbo egbin ko no eyan ma n ko". Have a little threshold for bullshit. Your 'no nonsense' just sounds like arrogance and superiority complex.

    3. How come you don't even have a single sense of humor? Your one week husband sends you a text that he changed the locks of the house. You couldn't even change it to humor for him. Stella I lie?! There's a way intelligent women handle domestic issues. Also, that morning you greeted him mere "good morning" and he complained. Why didn't you just add a little romance and sense of humor for him?

    You seem to lack wisdom honestly. Cos if you were wise, you'll have known that you guys are incompatible and you shouldn't have married him. But...

    4...the deed is done. No use crying over split milk. Give the marriage a chance na. Try and be a charming and obedient wife for once. I didn't say 'mumu' o... or doormat before you'll say BVs advised you wrongly. There is a thin line between being obedient and being a push over. It takes a wise and intelligent woman to draw the line.

    Like i said, Intelligence 101 runs to infinity. We can't treat that today. I wish money could buy it, I would have just told you to go and buy some sense.

    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Playing blame game here is not needed and necessary. It's always easy to advice but when faced with same situation, most will make worse mistake.

      To be submissive is OK in marriage but accepting slavery makes one desperate.

      Your comment shows you're married but understand what might work in yours might not work in another's.


      How could the boy run off immediately after the wedding to "take care" of his friend? Is he gay? Does the man not have family?

      And he sold off their wedding gifts. Really?

      Some one posted above that it's men like that give women reasons to believe that men are scum and I agree

      Stop seeing marriage as the biggest achievement. Making heaven is.

      Delete
    2. Anon17:57 you are sick. Just say in summary she should become a foot mat so her husband can walk ontop her. See the rubbsih advice you gave her. I have read all bvs advice to her, they all make sense except yours.

      Delete
    3. Baltika, I'm 100% single and an over ripe one at that. I'm 38 and still not desperate to marry else I'll have boarded any available 'bus/flight' and that could end up being a 'one chance' ride just like this.

      Talking about the groom running off from wedding venue and attending to guests, are you believing her one sided story?

      This poster is immature and feels too entitled. I don't trust her judgement of things. Some of her husband's action may have been as a result of her action or inaction. I will thread with caution before believing her account hook, line and sinker. Things may not have exactly gone down the way she described. They are not even close. Why get married in the first place? Look at the gifts incident for instance. I for one would have taken that up with him until we arrive a satisfactory conclusion. On that one alone, I will definitely involve 3rd party being both parents. From there a lot of things would have emerged and we would both have been counseled appropriately.

      If the man was 100% bad, why did she consent to marrying him? Or is your own husband or anybody's husband you know 100% perfect? Why is she not telling us the husband's good side? Why is she not telling us details about both of their good and bad sides including hers?

      It takes two to tango Baltika but more of the onus rests on the woman in this part of the world.

      Contrary to your indictment, I do not see marriage as an achievement, no, but I've seen enough to know that been happily married has it's own benefits. Achieving it which is not a walk through the park. There are certain laws guiding it.

      The Bible makes it very clear. "Husband love your wife, wife obey your husband'.

      I want to deduce from the little the poster shared that she may not be submissive enough. However, she hasn't fully convinced me that her husband does not love her. So far, all those allegations are petty and one sided.

      Any woman that wants to enjoy marriage and stay married today must keep abreast of the guiding rules. Likewise husbands.

      Ask aunty Joke Siva, Betty Irabor, Omotola Jalade etc, Even they who have cool headed husbands, so to speak, cannot just go to bed and expect the marriage to just work miraculously. You have to put in some effort. Poster here feels too entitled. She just expects everything to fall in her laps.

      Let's call a spade a spade, poster needs to work on her attitude first.

      Delete
  72. Leave the marriage

    ReplyDelete
  73. You saw the signs and you still went there, why? You knew he was not a worthy man for marriage and you let those ppl spend their money to host wedding so you could marry a Jackass. How dare you get warning and know it and because of stubbornness go ahead into fire pit. Look how many women didn't get warning.

    You know you are not compatible with this man. Sit your mother down and really talk to her, let her know the kind of marriage you are in, do not keep abuse to yourself always let ppl know. If you can relocate to another state then do so. But if you can't go get an apartment and move out ASAP and file your divorce petition. I do not care how long you have been married, even if it is a day, file for divorce and reclaim your life. If you can find a women's focused NGO or charity to help you that would be good. You are in an abusive marriage, document everything and get that marriage dissolved. That is not living, it is bondage.

    ReplyDelete
  74. This boy married for the sake of it and you? Naija women and marriage

    He changed the locks. Wao. If you did not get wisdom to go talk to the best man, you would have been accused of sleeping outside and that accusation will trail the marriage for ever. What if something happened to you while outside?

    And he sold of your wedding gifts. After few days? Who does that? Without letting you know? How many red flags do you need?

    You struggle to cook and he comes home to eat knowing full well he did drop pay for it. This boy does not care about you. You can as well drop dead for all he cares and he will let anyone that cares to know how you pressured him to marry you and are a good riddance.

    This kind of boys are forever envious of their partners that are doing better than them. He wants to be worshipped. Submission is cool but slavery is bad.

    It is who is alive talks about marriage. Do not be ashamed of taking a walk. Let folks say. There will be folks that will give you that benefit of the doubt. "Is she not the one that married for few months?" So? Are they better than you? Suffering and smiling should not be your potion.

    Single men now marry women with children how much more a divorcee without a child. Your world won't end if you take a walk. Never!!!


    Run, please. The more you stay, the more you're treated like trash.

    Put your family in the know

    Do not let stigma (if you care) of being a divorcee weigh you down.

    All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  75. my dear sister, check your reply each time he raises his voice. learn how to manage anger. it's not civil for people to marry and remarry, just calm down, work hard, have all your kids by one man or sperm donor then divorce him and train your children. but work Hard, I mean HARD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Research has shown that folks into or in their second marriage(s) are happy(ier)

      She does not have a child for this boy.

      What is being civil here to remarry? We're talking about life, security, happiness, respect, unity, and appreciation. Your boy has none. So?

      Delete
    2. Tell her oo, pls. I said she's the one provoking the man.

      Delete
  76. Wateva u do babe think ahead.dont let him no your next step or he will undermine you in ways you never believe in human could.SHINE YOUR EYES GIRL,FOR THIS IS WAR..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Na real war! Poster you have to fight to save yourself. I am comforted that you are working. Lack of a means of livelihood has made some women remain in dead end unions, some endure all forms of abuse because they have no where to go, and have had their self esteem so much eroded, they don't know where to start from. Just free yourself. Give us feedback and take care. ๐Ÿฅ€

      Delete
    2. As soon as I heard that "I don't take nonsense" statement, I knew that this story was heading south.. You can't have 2 captains in a boat. Two heady people with little tolerance got married and this is the result. I don't even know what to say. I pray that God gives you wisdom to sort yourselves out

      Delete
  77. Poster in case you get to read this.... Your husband is gay. Period. He married you to cover up his ways.
    He has gotten what he wanted so he doesn't need you.
    Poster I repeat again Your husband is gay!
    I'll keep posting this till you see it

    ReplyDelete
  78. Babe commot slippers RRRUUuNNn your husband is a natural sadist that wants to break you down psychologically, am sure he is over Ten years your senior, age wise,forget the shame and gossip,afterall they say a living dog is better than a dead lion

    ReplyDelete

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