Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

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Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Hmmmmmmm.......






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE...
THE DEMANDING MOTHER



Dear Stella,
Compliments of the season.
I need urgent advice. I've been married for 6 years. I stay in Lagos but my mum stays in Onitsha.

 I've gone visiting with the kids twice since i got married. Last time was last year for my younger sis child dedication. My mum is a widow but inherited 3 houses from my late dad, 4 if i include the one in the village. 

 Two of these houses are in cities for commercial purposes and both are blocks of 6 flats with tenants. My mum also has a small shop. The thing is my mum does not manage funds well. I try to send her money monthly though I slack at times and my hubby does his own part too but we're still a growing family and we both work and earn enough to take care of our family. 


The issue is my mum keeps demanding. Throughout this year, her calls are always lamentations of hunger. Once you start chatting and you ask her how she's doing, her response would be hunger here and there. Last month i sent her 15k after payday. Last week she was already telling me she doesn't have a kobo. We've all left the house. 


Just her and her help. I wanted to travel this Xmas with the kids to see her but I am getting cold feet. I wouldn't want to go and spend all I've worked for this year in just 2 weeks cos this morning we chatted and she gave the hunger response again.

What do i do? Should I still travel? Or just do Xmas for her and chill in Lagos till when i have plenty money to spend.
Pls advise.



*Ah ah,what does she do with all the money she gets from the rent?why don't you ask her?I don't understand the demand for money.she can be doing it deliberately oh.....Something does not sound right about this.....
Please if you must go and visit her with money and you don't have then,do not go...Call her too or chat her up and complain as well...Anytime she starts to complain,join her too in the game...Maybe she will stop. 

72 comments:

  1. Go and visit her, your kids should spend time with grandma.
    When you get there, go with her to the market and buy the little you can afford for her. Make her understand times are very hard and you have your own family to take care of.
    Don’t stress yourself much. You don’t have to go broke cos of your mum.
    If you don’t have, tell her that, but don’t be too harsh when doing that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly what am facing with my mum. We are all out of the house,and she inherited 8flats from my dad. She dose not buy food stuff or pay her medical bills or her drugs we do that for her monthly. But every week is cry of hunger,since morning i have not eaten no food. We stock the house,and she dashes things out. I got fed up and brought this month to my place to spend some time,now she said she is tired and wants to go. Imagine my mum. Saying all the people she feeds,might be starving so she wants to go. That i should buy plenty food stuff for her to go back. Me no ans her,since we both stay him same state,hubby said should ignore her.

      Delete
    2. Why are African parents like this???
      So annoying!!!
      Here in the UK, I was near shocked when n older colleague told me she is sponsoring her daughter's wedding. She shops amd sends money to her daughter with 2 children who lives with her partner.
      In Africa, the opposite will be the case!
      I just tire for our African parents sometimes.

      Delete
    3. My Mum does this too. It's so embarrassing that she asks my friends, cousins, etc for money-making it seem like she's not being taken care of. It's so embarrassing! I've grown thick skin oh. I give what I can and refuse to be pressured.

      Delete
    4. Is like this is general issue

      Delete
    5. You guys need to find out what she does with her money. Visiting her will be a good way to snoop or talk to her help to be sure she is not a victim of brainwashing by a pastor who she hands all her money you the name of showing seed.
      She could also have a gambling habit...The only way to find out is to visit and talk to people that know her and also have a heart to heart talk with her. You need to be sure her tenants are paying their rent too. Have a budget and don't go beyond it is you decide to visit her.

      Delete
  2. Hmmmmmmm... Nawaoooo for some mothers ooo. If you have keep given her but if you dont, just tell her plainly that you dont have.

    ReplyDelete
  3. That woman is very rich I can bet it, she's just deliberately doing all that, she's the type with the mentality of always receiving and not giving out. When next she told you she's hungry, ask her to borrow you #200,000 don't do as if you heard her. Also, address her as cash madam, the big madam etc




    *Larry was here*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right Larry, that's the only way to deal with such demanding mothers.

      Delete
  4. Poster,better chill in that lag than spending thousands of naira cos you want to see your mum that would always claim she is broke.With all the assets, she should be the one to cater for you people sef for the Christmas. My mum is like that but I can't kill myself for her cos I'm still trying to get my feet in my career and have bills to pay.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hope no man is deceiving your mum and collecting her money sha

    ReplyDelete
  6. Where are all the rent money going to? This is not fair.
    Does she do same to your siblings?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous to bahd10 December 2019 at 20:20

      The kids should call for family meeting. The houses are as much for you kids as her.

      Delete
  7. Thats how My father used to manipulate me yet he has 15 children abroad him n his wife will be saying there is hunger one Day i took a flight to africa without telling them i took a taxi from the airport and found them dinning like the president. They got so embarrassed they were playing us against each other unfortunatly for them with there Lies some stopped sending money me too i stopped.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You took a flight to (home) Nigeria and not to Africa. Africa is a continent. You could not gave taken a flight to Europe. Am sure you would gave mentioned the country if it was Europe you took a flight to.

      Delete
    2. I wondered to o...meanwhile have you been under a rock that you cannot use the word 'Nigeria'?

      Delete
    3. Baltika, what is the point of your correction?
      Are we doing Geography lessons here???
      As long as you understood the story, move over!!!

      Delete
    4. Anon 16:26. What do mean by geography lessons? Please next time you say it Nigeria not African. In as much as Nigeria is in African, African is not Nigeria! You hear!!!

      Delete
    5. Baltika is right anon. Swerve. Unnecessary formation. Represent your continent and country properly and stop nonsense copying.

      Delete
    6. I wonder at the correction too oo. We all know the meaning of Africa here in this case na.. abi someone dey jealousy πŸ€”

      Delete
    7. Why nigeria do you baltika think its only nigerians who read sdk shame on you instead of being humble your rude. Let the anon tell his her story. Bitter soul go and teach geography in school

      Delete
    8. I said it πŸ‘† there, there are some people like that, they love demanding and always receiving, the best thing is to always ask them for money too




      *Larry was here*

      Delete
    9. Leave anon alone. You get what was said. I think shes used to DAT cos if you speak mostly to the British they would just say u are from Africa. Ts only if details are needed they mention where on Africa.

      Delete
    10. My dear be proud of where you are from. It is ok for non Africans to say Africa but for an African it sounds off.I travelled to Africa coming from an Africa doesn't cut it.

      Delete
  8. Poster don't travel since you know she is demanding if not by January you will be regretting. You should also sing the hunger song to her whenever she is.

    ReplyDelete
  9. this doesn't sound normal but you know women in the east it's either they're contributing in a meeting or contributing for one burial or one wedding and trying to wear the latest to pepper other women. I'm sorry but your mum is not a good spender and sending her money always is not the solution she needs to learn how to manage funds

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Learn to manage funds at which age?

      Delete
  10. Well if you must travel...Make a budget and stick to it. No matter what manner of cry she comes with. I also think you need to discuss with her about how she spends money... but must be done with wisdom....so that she doesn't feel insulted.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Did i just send this chronicle? My mum is like this, always complaining. Money is never enough for her. Using money to be a big woman in church and around. We're all tired. Ours we just ignore her

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think they all have a meeting o! Same thing with my mum. She is an expert at sucking you dry. Poster, please I beg you don't go anywhere and stand firm. You dont want to end up like me, over 50 with no money and nothing to show for my life all in the name of caring for my ungrateful parents. You need to be selfish and put something away for your own children ooo

      Delete
    2. Honestly I tot I was the one that sent it... my mum own is medication and food... she is always buying medications..I don’t understand her kind of sickness I swear, at a point I had to tell her straight that I hope she’s not going to be agbana(like waste of money)
      for me like this, since then she stopped all her health pranks on me just to get money, now it she has changed strategies to hunger... me I can not come and kee myself, I send her whatever I can afford. No one can pressurized me into giving what I don’t have mainwhile my mum still works ooo she rather use all her money to buy aso ebi or feed her family.

      Delete
  12. It is well,she is even lucky she has houses to collect rent from,please talk to her to bear with you let her try and manage

    ReplyDelete
  13. Lol Stella this your advice na gbagam. poster do exactly what Stella wrote there

    ReplyDelete
  14. Poster, have a conversation with your mum to know what she is doing with her (Rent) money. If I were you I will travel but will spend just a week to minimize cost because I know she will demand as soon as she sees you.

    Also follow Stella's comment whenever she complain of money also do the same.

    It is well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The mum really needs to give account of how she spends the rent money.

      Delete
  15. Poster I think your mother is having entitlement mentally, like Stella said, I also believe she's doing it deliberately. Some parents are like that, they take this children must look after their parents thing too far.

    I wouldn't say join her in complaining. why? That will be declaring negative things to yourself. Anytime she starts please ignore her. Tell her point blank you will send when you have. When she calls you and wants to talk about money, change the topic. Anytime you give her money, tell her she should handle it well as you have budget and won't be sending any soon. Don't let her use emotional blackmail on you.

    ReplyDelete
  16. This is just my mother, so insatiable. She had bone issues but she drives, I bought a car for her, she was only happy for that period. Last year Christmas, all my 13th month allowance was wasted in the name of family reunion. Last month just because I deliberately refused to give her Ten thousand naira, she stopped asking of me else I called her. She has other children that are all well to do that sends her money every now and then. She receives pension, she does not pay for house rent. This Christmas, I thank God for the kind of heart he has given me, I boned her, I will only call her till on Christmas day. You have to harden up, stop sending money to her, she is demanding more because she feels you have a soft heart

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree 10000%. Poster pleeease harden up so you don't end up with nothing to show for your life.

      Delete
    2. My dear, na same with my mama, them no dey ever satisfy. i had to shira for her one day. I told her that if i am spending money without following my budget strictly, how will i make progress and advance financially. since then she don kam dan.

      Delete
  17. See poster, you can travel but be wise with your spending.
    Also try and find out what she is using the rent money for.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Does she. have an. agent in charge of all the properties? If yes, maybe the agent is stealing from her and giving excuses.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Maybe she is donating money in church as a rich woman with rich children or she is just saving and saving. I remember one fundraising we had in my village church , an old woman pledged 500k on behalf of her children and said she will make sure they pay. Hahahahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Chinekem o lolllll. Just imagine!

      Delete
  20. Dear Poster,if you really want to travel please do. But have a stipulated budget to stick with, do not spend beyond it.

    Secondly, have a conversation with your mum, ask her how she collects rent, and what she uses it for.

    Also let her know that times her hard, you have a growing career, a family hence the need to save for future.

    I hope she doesnt spend the whole money on clothing, and church activities. You how pastors have a way of collecting money from women who are well to do.

    In all a good mother/daughter talk will help.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Where is all her money going to. Use style to find out whether she has a boyfriend, anything is possible these days.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I should be your mum's bf.
    I inherited 2 buildings from my mum and one from my dad as the only chulc.my annual income tru the rent is 4.6 million cos the buildings dey akoka and lere.
    I no fit give account on how I spend it.
    Will collect another one this Jan and pim.canada ya.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No be small Canada yaπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. You better save for d rainy days. Anuofia😘

      Delete
    2. See badly raised children ..
      I feel for your late parents

      Delete
  23. Your Mom is lucky o, hmmmn. You need to speak to her and confirm whatever she is doing with money.
    Giving it out to who, exactly? The Church? A man? Herself? Her friends?, you need to"help" her with this issue-it is a big one.
    You can stay in Lagos and send her whatever you can spare,you can even try turning the table around by telling her to borrow you some money, give her any good excuse. I hope that she isn't being owed rents too, you can never tell. Hope your Dad's family are not disturbing her too. Talk to her , there should be something that she is really spending on. May God grant you the wisdom to go about this. Best of luck. Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  24. You could tell her you want to visit home this December but do not have money. If she could give you money to travel? Of course, you know her reaction and answer already.
    You can then travel and make up a story how you got the money and you're home because you want the kids to spend the Christmas in the villa.

    When she talks about money, you first let her know you don't have and how you're going to travel back is still giving you concerns

    ReplyDelete
  25. Poster ,when even she demand for money ,be bold enough to tell you don't have,as of travelling for the Xmas , you stay back ,then send money across to her.

    ReplyDelete
  26. She is just like my mum in law but the difference is that while making excess demands, she will be giving you as well. I had to device a means of not always collecting since i can't meet up to her demand. Poster just give your mum space, she is such a greedy woman.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Abi mama dey gamble ni.....na possibility o....I dey tell you

    ReplyDelete
  28. Awwww! Go spend time with her no matter how demanding and entitled she is, there's no better time to be surrounded with your family and loved ones than now that you get to still have them around.

    You don't have to spend more money than you intend to but at least, you get to see and gauge her spending. Plus, talk to her one on one about her excessive demanding.

    Don't avoid her cos of this. it's petty.

    ReplyDelete
  29. that's how some elderly women reply to the question "how are you" then they will tell you hunger. Its seems like a normal thing to them, do your best, and leave the rest

    ReplyDelete
  30. Your mum is like my mother-in-law. I stopped calling her because of this. Even if you send money to her today, and call her the next day, she will start telling you how she spent all the money on sth else, and now she's broke. her son, my husband, doesn't have a job yet, I'm the one carrying the whole family, and sends money to his siblings as well...But this woman will never give me a financial break. I remember when I lost my dad, she called me the following day to offer her condolence, on the same spot, she explained how the money I gave to her the last week, has finished. OMG, Where I was crying on the phone that I lost my dad...I told her bye bye, dropped the call and took it out on her son. What nonsense. I send 20k to her at the end of every month. In fact it's a direct debit on my account. But I don't call her like I used to because of this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How can you be doing all that? Nawa oh. Well done, I hope they appreciate you though.

      Delete
    2. Kudos to u Madam, U dey try. Me, I can't. One thing with the in-laws is to not start what U cannot finish.

      Delete
    3. 2020 approaches

      Gradually offload siblings you are not their parents

      Face your children, your husband NEEDS to go get a JOB

      Delete
  31. Poster, have you looked into the matter to ascertain if there is one person somewhere that is siphoning all this money from her?
    Lord Jesus I thank you for the mother you gave to me.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Your mother get one small boy she dey take care for village. Your mama get demanding toy boy.. πŸ˜‚

    ReplyDelete
  33. Your mum might be donating all the money to church. I think you should talk to her and try to know how the rent is spent, still visit her and give her what you can afford.

    ReplyDelete
  34. This one is my mother's second favorite

    ReplyDelete
  35. Lol! Mothers! You can't do without them. I think they are adorable. Mine just told me she won't travel to see her grand kids if I don't change her phone, I laughed so hard and told her she"s dreaming. She's going to see my brothers kids,So why not ask him for a phone when u get there? I know this Christmas, my expenses on her alone will be twice what i spend on myself. I can't even let her pressurize me.Except a miracle happens that phone remains a dream for now. Lol. I love her so I indulge her drama but I can't give what I don't have.

    ReplyDelete
  36. If all you said up there is true you need to stop giving her money anytime she complain.

    Start complaining also to her else she will not stop asking you for money always.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Mine is my dad that does this. For the last 2 months he stopped calling because I told him I’m really broke that my sisters will send him the money.my dad is not happy with me but I have to face reality when’re chips are down even your shadow will run

    ReplyDelete
  38. Poster your first priority should be your family. Take care of your present and future first before taking care of anyone else including your mom.

    I suggest sitting down with your husband and drawing up a budget for extended family upkeep. Decide the total amount each month you can afford to give, then split it in 3. One goes to your family, the other goes to his then the 3rd is an emergency fund. Then decide who will be giving extended family money and stick to your plan.

    I can bet your mother is doing local champion with the money. Showing off to friends and acting like Father Christmas to others. Don't kill yourself, just do what you can do.

    ReplyDelete
  39. They are all d same,when u keep giving

    ReplyDelete

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