Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

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Wednesday, March 04, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Hmmmmm.........






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE.
DEPRESSED PREGNANT NEW WIFE


Hi Stella, Good morning. I have been following your blog for sometime now and like everyone else, never thought I’d be sending this to you, but here we are.


I’m a new wife, got married beginning of this year to a man I was/am in love with. We knew each other before getting married although never really lived together until after wedding. Things have just turned to a different shape than expected.


We have issues which he’s not willing to discuss or resolve. He’s always seeking for space which is always given but he prefers we live in same house and not talk to each other.


I got pregnant after the wedding and told him about it but he seemed in different. I haven’t been pregnant before and new to the symptoms especially one that makes me crave for anything and I end up not eating them. I noticed it has become a problem to him. He will always use the word ‘I’m lazy’ and try to compare me with his sisters that have kids already.


 I would respond that he doesn’t know what their husbands passed through either. I feel the pregnancy has caused a huge misunderstanding between us because I feel handicapped, I can’t take care of my normal activities without feeling weak or nauseous. I terribly feel sick all the time and can’t complain to him either.


The relationship has been turned downside from what it used to be. I have spoken to him but his response is: “my problem is you complain a lot. You can’t stress me. You are not the first pregnant woman, you can’t stress me”


I have asked we separate. He asked me to go if I wish to. “Inform your parents, and I will explain to mine when they call.” This he said to me.


He makes it obvious he doesn’t care about the relationship or the outcome. I’m surprised because this wasn’t the vibe I had before we got married but unfortunately, things are already sour. Sexually, I doubt we are compatible anymore. We don’t s#xually get close to each other except wE want to have s#x. The kiss lasts as short as our s#x. 
S#x rarely comes either. 

 Countless times, I have tried to discuss this with him but he will wave it off like it doesn’t matter. Communication they say helps a relationship but he’s not willing to discuss nor make a move.



*Is it possible that pregnancy hormones changed you and you are actually stressful?why dont you concentrate on your pregnancy and less on him?It might be a good start to restoring what was damaged...

114 comments:

  1. That man is not ready for marriage or any commitment, he only married you to satisfy probably his parents. Or is he bi-sexual?





    *Larry was here*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Most likely ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿพ.

      Delete
    2. he fit be gay to cover up reason he got married. ladies look well before you marry.

      SEXYHIPS

      Delete
    3. Hi poster, you got married this year meaning you are still in your first trimester. From your post, I believe you and your husband are still young. You are in the process of learning about living together when you got pregnant. Did you guys plan on deferring pregnancy? Why was your husband not ecstatic about it? Who knows, he might be scared of the responsibility or just anxious about being a dad. Marriage is different from courtship and engagement. Until you live with someone in the same house, you will think they are your best friends. Marriage needs a lot of tolerance, compromise, maturity, understanding and trust.
      You might be going through a lot of hormonal surge blc of the pregnancy like Stella said give yourself break and concentrate on yourself. You might have been nagging and not talking to your husband. To be frank, most of these pregnancy moods are sometimes psychological, you never can tell. When you choose to reject some of those moods that come with it, you might feel better.
      For your husband to agree to a separation means he is helpless, immature or is not ready for commitment. You can get the separation but not that type of separation. If you can, go to your family house and stay with your mum for a while. Doing this gives the two of you time to reflect on your relationship and time for you to rest emotionally.
      Your husband might be clueless about pregnancy, you might have scared him with your vulnerable state and he feels making love to you will break you. Not every man is a professional in situations like this. Talk WITH him and not TO him, if he can’t open up sincerely, give him space. If you can’t go to your family house or any other place, still give him space. Care for him but do not suffocate him. It seems you are not doing anything yet, it will get better. Both of you are trying to grab hold of all that is going on, living with each other, seeing the real you and boom a new life on the way. Get strong girl, rock your pregnancy, do not see it as a handicap, do not scare your husband away with it, get help when you need one, pamper yourself and your hubby, pray and God will do the rest.

      Delete
    4. I swear the firsr thing they hit me is the guy is gay ! Abi u use jazz marry am? The marriage is still so young Nd is supposed to b shacking u guys na. Fix it Jesus !

      Delete
    5. Olannaya only you all this sense everything is not divorce. Poster take this advice

      Delete
    6. Dear poster,I can totally understand what you're going through because I was once in your situation and I feel your pain. So I'll advise you from my similar experience .
      Fact is,your husband wasn't quite prepared for marriage before you guys got married and he also doesn't understand all the hormonal changes you're going through. This is why I'll tell courting couples to attend marriage classes before marriage and read good books on marriages too. I don't think your husband has changed,he's just new to everything and the bad part is,he doesn't want to admit his ignorance and learn. Keep talking to him about your feelings but not in a quarelsome manner,you can send him links to read on pregnancy,or short articles etc but don't do it forcefully .
      I know you're going through hormonal changes and you're quite sensitive right now but try and be strong for yourself and your baby. You can register for antenatal early so that you'll meet and make friends with fellow pregnant women,trust me you'll feel alot of relief talking with someone who is in the same journey as you. Make yourself happy,don't become gloomy,keep dressing nicely. Don't kill yourself with house chores,do the one you can,make yourself a priority.
      With time,your husband will come around,don't push it. Above all don't stop praying and get him closer to God with you if he isn't already

      Delete
    7. This is a reasonable advise by Olanaya and I strongly urge the poster to consider the opinion canvassed therein.
      Best of luck.

      Delete
    8. Na wa! Marriage is something else. Single is better. I said what I said

      Delete
    9. Pregnant wife,don't listen to any negative advice,it will get better.My husband was like this before but now he has grown.
      God will see you through.

      Delete
    10. Separation or divorce is not the first step, at least in your case.

      I understand you have a lot going on being your first pregnancy. You need all the suport, care and attention but some men are not very supportive at this period, they even get irritated. Some feel their wives are exaggerating their symptoms or being lazy, oh well, If only they know.

      Your hormones too could be making you irritable, just calm down and take it easy.

      Have a chat with him when tempers are not high.If he is still being difficult, let him be.

      If you are able to get someone to help you 2 or 3 times a week, please do.

      You can also take a break for a week and go get pampered at yours.

      The Lord is your strength!! Pele.

      Delete
    11. Your husband is GAY!!!

      Delete
  2. Nawa o, let me just read comment

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tried everything to have a miscarriage; everything I was told not to do, I did. I starved myself, didn't go for antinatal, drank different concoction...but no. No miscarriage till one day I felt a strong kick! I instantly realised that there is actually a baby...that is my flesh and blood...not just the stupid husband's child alone. Then I started bonding with it and started antinatal. I had a beautiful baby girl. I went and got a 5yr span family planning, faced my career and didn T care if he repented from his mean treatments while I was pregnant and vulnerable. I fuck him like a man would fuck an ashawo that meant nothing. I look good, got a tummy-tuck during CS. I have just renewed the second 5yr family planning. I should be close to menopause b4 it's over. I don't care where he chooses to get more children if he so wishes. My daughter is growing more beautiful everyday, my career has taken my far and wide and I am not looking back.

      Delete
    2. Why can’t you get off this kerosene marriage before you get burnt ? Or better still ride him like a man and have a sibling for your daughter.. this is no way to live to be honest. But una must be Mrs by force by fire. For this short life naim I go dey miserable? Mbanu

      Delete
    3. Dear Poster, As someone who has been in your exact situation, this is what I will tell you;

      1. Your husband is immature and does not understand the gravity of marriage.
      2. Your husband is possibly not acting on his own. Maybe he found out some things about you (which may not be true).
      3. It is very possible his family is in the know about his new found attitude and may actually be cheering him on. Yes, some men will tell you their family comes first, even before you (the wife and kids). However, this is not the concept of God for marriage. A man who can not cleave to his wife does not understand marriage.
      4. Who are your husband's pastor or prophets that he listens to? They may be telling him things that has made him not to desire the marriage anymore. Believe me - it happens.

      I wish you the very best poster, however, be prepared for anything. Save, save and save. May God be with you when all the chips are down.

      Delete
  3. Both of you are new to marriage, can you guys talk to both parents?

    Some men sha, when u nack n belle enter u dunno what God has done for u, you take d journey for granted and act like a juvenile.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Poster, have your baby first and then see if you are still experiencing same thing you are experiencing from him now...then decide if you will stay or leave. Reason is, sometimes pregnancy makes us become problems to our spouses.

    ReplyDelete
  5. He's gay, married you to divert attention. He doesn't care as long as he's been married for the records

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You people will just be making anyhow statements in a confident manner. Are you the husband to know he is gay?!

      Delete
    2. Keep quiet.
      Are you staying with hem or you know the man personally to know he's a gay ?

      Delete
    3. Abeg not everything is he is gay. Stop confusing someone that is already distressed.
      There are some men who actually don't enjoy being married. They thought they wld, but they enter and feel choked. i have a male friend dat said he wishes he only had kids and never got married. Men are very selfish beings, they normally think of only themselves.
      I don't even know what advice to give. Except if you work just focus on your work, your pregnancy and things that make you happy. Sometimes go spend wkend with your parents. Focus less on him. I cant say such man will change when baby comes, it may even become worse. Some men are heartless sha.

      Delete
    4. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ Don you have come again.

      Delete
    5. Anything kpem, " he is gay, he is bisexual, you have low self esteem ".

      Delete
    6. Don’t conclude that he is gay. Every little thing he is gay did you sleep with him to know if he is gay or not.

      Delete
  6. This is not good. You just got married and you want out?
    Please focus on your pregnancy. Do the bit you can at home, when you don't have energy, please get some rest. If he complains, ask him to help you out. Do not fight him, keep avoiding him and anything that will make you guys quarel.
    If after you have had your baby, he doesn't change, you can opt for separation.
    Your ๐Ÿด band is terrible by the way. Do you have a job/business of yours?
    If you depend on him, know you are in serious shit. God will guide you.

    Sluttychic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The man feels trapped with pregnancy.

      Delete
  7. What kind of sheman did you marry?

    God abeg o

    So inconsiderate or whatsoever ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„

    ReplyDelete
  8. Na wah o.
    How could you be asking for separation if you're truly communicating ? That should be the last thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YOU REALLY DO NOT KNOW HOW SHOCK SHE WILL ABOUT THESE CHANGES@don, poster your horseband is petty. is the pregnancy not supposed to be a good news to him. there is sometin off about him. you obviously did not look well before you jump into the marriage.

      Delete
    2. Nothing wrong with he guy, he's just overwhelmed with his new status.
      He will be fine with time.

      Delete
    3. I agree with Don. You guys sound young, but whatever the case, know that your happiness should not depend totally on your spouse but should come from within you. Try to enjoy this new phase in your life and do the best you can. Try not to be nasty to your husband. Also still talk to him, but not in an accusing manner. Get him to feel the tummy and such, talk of baby names etc. Hopefully with time he will come around. You guys are still trying to know yourselves. Lastly try to take very good care of yourself. Just imagine, you are going to be a mother to a beautiful baby soon. Start preparing.

      Delete
  9. Sorry dear, some men can be irritating when it comes to women. I hate to be compared with another person.

    But just has Stella has advised, I will advice you to concentrate on yourself for now and lets see how it will work out.

    ReplyDelete
  10. The first thing that came to my mind after reading this is that the man is probably one of those who got married to spite an ex or someone who didn't want him.

    The second was that he's gay and probably married just to have kids.

    The third is he's cheating.

    I may be very wrong o

    Poster, don't make any hasty decision yet. Focus on remaining healthy throughout your pregnancy so you can deliver without any issues.

    If you need help, relying on your family is not a bad idea. If going home so you can be well taken care of will be better for you, do it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you, getting married was never his plan

      Delete
  11. Enter your comment...I hope he's not gay.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Such a short time, maybe enjoying the honey moon phase before being pregnant may have gotten you guys much closer. It just seems like such break in communication. He sounds like a man who would rather be somewhere else. Plz it may be hard but be strong. If only u guys will consider couple therapy. There is no shame in it, because it may help with communication which is obviously lacking. In all, do not forget to take it to God in prayer. All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  13. ignore him its going to be hard but yoy have to do exavtly what he is doing to you. this is what too much availability causes, make yourself absent and be engrossed in other things trust me people dnt know your value until you take away their power. dont complain anymore and try to find ways to get energy but aslo have it at the back of your mind that you married an insensitive guy, he might not change and when the child comes he will find more faults........... sounds like there is also outisde influence in his ears hence the comparison. my sister make yourself scarce.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is a loveless marriage... He married for marrying sake.. The marriage is less than 3 months. Wow!! You guys are not compatible, moving forward... tolerate each other or you carry your pregnancy to your mama's house till term where you can be well taking care of. Your husband doesn't send you madam.

    ReplyDelete
  15. The first year is never easy, your husband is feeling suffocated and you are feeling neglected. Maybe you should go stay with your folks for a while because he is beginning to resent you.

    You are already bringing up separation and "not compatible anymore" talk. I understand that you are hormonal but you need to chill, sis. You both are expecting so your attitude (hormones or not) is also doing a number on him.

    Join a meditation or yoga class to calm your nerves. Get massages and drink soothing tea, are you even getting enough sleep/rest?

    Stead of stressing over your husband, why not concentrate on having a healthy baby. Everything is going to be fine if only you stop stressing lil things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did y'all see where she said she can't afford to eat things she craves? Meaning she's not bouyant and can't afford these your suggestions which need money.
      Her husband is obviously not giving her enough financial support which is a problem

      Delete
    2. This is what everyone told me. “First year is hard”, “give him a chance”. Poster don’t listen to them. This is a cold, selfish man. You are the one pregnant oh, but he’s the one feeling suffocated. You are already being emotionally abused, but no one here seems to recognize it.
      This is the reason I laugh when people ask didn’t you date him before you married him? Didn’t you see the signs? Well he hid the signs very well and now you are married he has done a 180 and started treating you like trash.
      You better give yourself brain and leave otherwise this will be the beginning of many, many chronicles.
      I’m so annoyed that everyone is delving deep to pull up excuses for your husband’s very BAD behavior.
      *Omo Iya Doctor*

      Delete
  16. He sound insensitive and uncaring but maybe you should go and spend some time at your parents house. They will be able to take care of you well over there. He seems a bit immature and I am forced to ask how old he is but like they say,"age isn't maturity".

    When the baby comes I just hope this your man will be able to help you through it all. Cries of a baby, sleepless night and all, helping with the feeding, changing the diaper. He seems like one who would put all the work on you.
    He should know people are different and considering it's your first pregnancy you need all the care and attention he can give.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Pregnancy hormones at work, my friend is behaving the same way, always complaining and frustrating the husband.or is it my friend that wrote this, pls focus on your pregnancy and do the little work you can

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But she won't agree she's frustrating the husband.

      Delete
    2. Don, your mentality is questionable. How could she be stressing the person like you that was singing love tunes when having sex. Now, with pregnancy, it becomes frustrating him?

      Delete
    3. Don, I pray to God that you get pregnant so as to understand

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    4. At Don by the grace of God you will get pregnant and carry it for nine months just to feel what pregnant women experience in Jesus name.

      Delete
  18. Poster truth the told preganancy at an early stage ia a relationship tester! It can make or mar a relationship. I just finished my firat trimester and it is only God and a very patient man . we argued every single day and i would cry thinking i was going to die. I understand you and i also understand him too but i dont apprecaite his comment that you are not the first pregnant woman. that sentence is a killer. women are not the same and neither are pregnancies. he should pls be patient with you abeg. the phase willl soon pass. ahba just 3 months marriage and he is this toxic. Pls you need all the love you can get . The lord will see you through

    ReplyDelete
  19. The dudes love sex before marriage, but them no like belle ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ


    Quite a pity nne for your ordeals. Be strong for your baby's sake inugo? ๐Ÿ˜˜
    I have always advised my beautiful Sisis on this blog not to supply dudes fork before marriage.
    And to prepare for marriage and not wedding (day).
    All those "I love you, I love you, I do, I do..." those ones na marriage be the exam o. If the dude feels that you trapped him with belle, na so so attitude im go dey throway.
    And if you no supply fork and collect belle before marriage, your respect and dignity as a lady remains intact.
    Also, preparation for pregnancy by fasting + water to detoxify your system is a good practice to avoid terrible first trimester issues.
    I experience these in my first pregnancy and learnt my lessons. The subsequent ones were smooth rides ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

    My dear sisi, be patient inugo, ya husband will learn to cope but you be coping first. Save delivery (and no PND).๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

    ReplyDelete
  20. Pregnancy changes people and some men become childish and insensitive to the plight of a pregnant woman. That being said, madam, try to be as cordial and considerate as possible while taking care of yourself. Stop high expectations from a man. Only God can satisfy.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Dear Sis, From the tone of your message permit me to say "you get wahala". Not all men have interest in pregnancy stress. He is already stressed and i guess you want all the attention which does not exist in his dictionary, he talk, u reply is a no no. I advic you focus on your health/pregancy and complain less. you seem to be a talking type though i may be wrong. Pls make that seperation move now and let everything calm, i hope in no time he will come back to you but for now, he is tired. Pls give him sapce like u sugested. All the best mama.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. very stupid comment indeed. do you people even think before you type? fool

      Delete
    2. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

      Delete
  22. Don't leave, don't get separated from your husband. Be patient, concentrate on you, don't complain, just keep calm. If he sees how calm you are, he will one day ask if you are okay and willing to talk. He's human, he's got conscience. Give him time. You can as well look for someone to help you with the chores since get tired easily.

    I believe things will get better.

    Like I said before, DON'T LEAVE!!!

    That was how Yvonne Jegede left and her marriage packed up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The marriage packed up and did she die ? The women dropping such sad chronicles everyday and the ones getting infected with HIV, are they better off than single women? Marriage is a beautiful thing if nice, but it’s not all there is to life

      Delete
  23. YOUR HUSBAND IS HOMOSEXUAL!! All the signs are there. He married you to ‘save face’ and to please people of the world. Hmmmm. I wonder why they bother you these girls. Just be your gay self and stay single.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Society wouldnt allow them

      Delete
    2. Shut up !
      You must be staying in the same house with them to know this.

      Delete
  24. Usually the first year of marriage is the hardest,pls focus on yourself and the baby on the way,he would eventually come around and if he doesnt oh well๐Ÿ™„,he should be more understanding,women has different attitude during pregnancy,some good,some manageable.its well with you poster

    ReplyDelete
  25. It's possible he's not prepared for the pregnancy. Too soon perhaps?
    Contrary to popular opinion, some people want to explore each other first.
    I believe he'll change when the baby comes. Meanwhile, you have to be strong. Sorry...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i dont think he will change after baby. baby is not here he is already like this, insensitivity hurts more than curse especially when you thought you knew the person. regardsless he can see she is pregnant and sensitive this is the time where she needs him the most and hes being distant. my dear, when he says if you are the first to be pregnant say yest because this is your first preganacy.Just wondering what the sudden change of attitude is and usually when men have ulteriror motives eg cheating thats when they start saying you are nagging/ complaining

      Delete
  26. Please, that man doesn't love you. No love at all. Even before your pregnancy, he asked for space.

    Honestly, I believe you will be miserable in that marriage. Ask yourself if you'd rather be miserable than single then you'd know what to do.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Some men are very insensitive. I remember when I was pregnant my hubby will tell me pregnancy is not sickness that some of his pregnant colleagues run up and down in the office. I just called on my mum for assistance. My first trimester was stressful.

    Madam poster, if possible manage yourself or call someone to assist you, it will pass, you'll be fine in your second trimester

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hate men that talk that thrash, are you the only pregnant woman??? they think to bleed monthly and carry pregnancy na beans, even to push am self. lazy men

      Delete
  28. My dear, sorry for the situation you found yourself but I will advise you do as Stella said. Focus more on yourself and your pregnancy and don't let the things he does get to you. I understand that pregnancy sometimes makes one to be too emotional and cravings to be indulged.
    Since he's not the romantic type, find something that takes your attention away from him. This is why some people stay for sometime after marriage before getting pregnant. This makes their bond for each other grow in some cases.
    All the best dear, I pray the journey becomes easier for you.

    ReplyDelete
  29. who told u am not ready for marriage?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ

      Delete
    2. Are you the man๐Ÿง? If yes? Then what is the problem.

      Delete
  30. Sister, face the pregnancy for now and ignore whatever you can from that man for now.
    I faced what you are passing through now and even worst from a man I love and marry, everything turned up side down in our relationship and he wont discuss with me, he chosed to pick offence in every little thing I do or say and take to heart to use it against me.No concern in my pregnancy, I cried most nights and one night I dont know where the strength and courage came from I told myself I have to be strong for my baby,carry him and make him that friend I want.i dint crave for things I couldn't even eat,if I manage to eat once a day I was ok.
    My dear people have stories to tell if they want to.but guess what after 2 years he told me he want to be treating me right, want to bring back laughter to my face etc.
    The emotional torture was much and the heart went south.if he can really bring back the laughter then I will try again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is when he sees you are not tying yourself to his wrapper that he wants to bring smiles to your face. Aunty tread wisely o. Maybe he can't stand being ignored but loves to ignore others. He may just want to get you pregnant again so he'll always have someone to bully.

      Delete
  31. But must everything end in separation or divorce?

    There are other ways of solving issues please .

    Trying times will definitely pass.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can imagine, they haven't gotten anywhere, she's been talking of separation .
      Like there's no other way to solve this simple matter.

      Delete
  32. This man is not in love with you or attracted to you so trust me it may only get worse. either that or he's asexual or bisexual. It may even be that he's a narcissist. they lack the ability to fall in love because they see people as things, items and opportunities. in this case it seems he saw the opportunity to build how he is looked at socially and married because it seemed like the responsible thing to do .

    were there no signs before marriage?? i Hate to say divorce but this is a very deep well for you to come out of. you're basically a single woman bearing married legally. I feel for you but just focus on God, your baby,getting healthy for your child and improving yourself. Don't bring up divorce until he does but get yourself memtally and financially prepared with some of your own money aside because from what you said it is inevitably coming. no compassion or consideration from this man not to talk of love admiration and affection. as if you were some pawn or necessity he had to fulfuill

    ReplyDelete
  33. you married a man you never knew. the relationship was great from a distance but now you live together you are now seeing his true character. he might also have married for a different reason other than love. he is not caring enough for someone who claims to love you. speak to someone he respects since he does not see anything wrong in his behaviour or want to discuss it. no matter his issues with you he should be able to sit down and both of you discuss things..i know its too soon to invite a third party to your marriage but you need to speak out, be wise about who you speak too. meanwhile just take care of yourself and face your life alone, not easy but to have your peace and care for your baby..be strong and lastly pray for God to reveal any hidden issues

    ReplyDelete
  34. Your story is a sad one. But I feel the solution can come from u. I think you are demanding too much from him. I understand pregnancy has changed you but dont allow it affect your marriage or normal life. Men dont like being stressed or involved in every little thing... the reason he made reference to his sisters. Try and stop boring him with too much complain, it can freak him out, stop expecting too much from him especially his attention and time. be strong and be a good wife. With time he will come to your side and be that man you want him to be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Huh? She’s PREGNANT

      Delete
    2. This is the dumbest comment i've ever come across. She should stop expecting attention and time of her Husband?? What exactly do people think marriage to be?? Even if she wasnt pregnant, she should not expect attention??! God forbid!

      Delete
    3. inukwa...what are you even saying. so she controls how she feels during pregnancy? if some of us tell you what we went through during pregnancies and you say we wont bother our husbands who are the only people we live with. who is she meant to disturb her parents or neighbors? you are def not female so you can never get it

      Delete
  35. this man is not in love with you sweetie, is he at least providing financially? so u will have enough to get on your feet in case his brain finally malfunctions and he leaves. there is a lot you have not discussed with us here and that is if you forced this man or toasted him

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Simple! He is not in love with you. A man that is in love with you cannot treat you like this no matter what.

      Delete
  36. I don't usually comment but I will on this one cos i have been in this posters shoes before. Let me narrate my ordeal, what helped and how I got it resolved.
    Firstly, you have to admit to urself the truth which is, your husband doesn't genuinely love you, he only likes you and sees you as the type of woman to be married(for keeps). He forced himself to accept(love) you as he knew he couldn't settle with all those wild crazy girls he had done all manner with.
    Now he has married you, his mind is now at rest, the forced love has eroded from his mind and he will go back to his vomit(those girls of his past), there is a good woman at home already, hence the harshness towards you and the ill-treatment.
    Trust me, he is flirting shamelessly with those girls and fantasizing about all his crazy acts with them(probably sleeping around already) and begging the offended ones who knew he is now married with new lies in order to get back into their legs.
    This isn't you or pregnancy hormones, don't beat urself too had, carrying a baby is enough work already and even if your hormones are acting up, he should at least understand and be supportive. So therefore, he is distracted in the marriage, that is why his tolerance for you is low inspite of you carrying his child.
    But you know what, don't separate if you still want that marriage, at least fight for it, don't give up so easily.
    Please accept things as they are presently as ur cross, the whole pregnancy stuff will end soon in a matter of weeks, mine was even so terrible up until when I was almost ending my second trimester.
    Love yourself like no one else can and don't expect him to be that lovable and supportive companion you have always craved for at this time. Get urself busy, do things u love, try out new skills, I guess u ain't working at this time but just don't be idle, I left my job too due to the belle wahala. Find even if it's a tailoring shop or Salon around ur area and be going there, u can sit all day for now and interact with them but don't gossip, u can start learning after you regain your strength, just get ur focus/attention far away from ur troubled home and unresponsive partner for now so u don't develop issues in pregnancy, HBP etc,
    Return home each evening, eat, sleep and get onto the next day.
    Stop initiating conversations with him henceforth, not you keeping malice but only responding if you need to as regards issues/conversations he raises.
    Be content with your own life too and space, regards urself as a married but living single person for now, keep ur emotions under check and stop initiating sex too.
    Trust me, you can't do this for two three months in worst cases months to come before you realize self love is the greatest and no one can treat you less of how u deserve except u empower them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love your advice

      Delete
    2. Worddddd so on point! It’ll be hard initially especially going through pregnancy hormones. I only disagree with you on the pregnancy hormones aspect. Those hormones can throw one out of balance to be honest. I’ve been there trust me. You may find yourself crying more. Easily irritated, taking every little thing personal. Just have it in mind that your hormones is a huge contributing factor. Then you’re now adding unsupportive husband. You’re growing a human being inside of you! So of course it’s justified you’re feeling this way. Just try as much as possible to always take it easy, reach out to others for support. It can take up to one year after birth for your hormones to come back to normal. So this is going to be for a while. What you need to right now is just focus on you and your pregnancy. Let the man be. He’s not in your shoes so there’s no way he’ll completely understand. Reach out to your parents, sibings, friends church members for support. You cannot solely depend on just one person for emotional support, stop nagging if you feel you’re nagging too much, pray as much as you can and just take things super easy until your child is born. Wishing you the best.

      Delete
  37. He is likely an introvert but he needs to realise it's no longer about him.

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  38. You will soon be self sufficient in a matter of time, and pls don't abhor hatred or anger or resentment towards him cos he has fallen short of expectations.
    By the time he sees you no longer care about him or what he does, he will come around after realizing he had chasing shadows and lost what was important, by then he would be the one struggling to have a place in ur once loving and caring heart. Then ur own terms and conditions for the relationship would now be clearly defined and spelt out, he will no longer meet the same woman he could maltreat, disrespect and disregard as you no longer care. The relationship you both build afterwards will now be more meaningful as a couple than it was initially. Mind you, this could span longer then you thought, possibly till after u have birthed your child. But you know what, you have to resolve this once and for all.
    These are the things I did that worked and is still working for me till today, the moment a man realizes you aren't a walk over or push over, you earn your own money, can care for yourself and kid(s) and is in total control of your emotions, they sit up because he suddenly comes to the realization that you actually don't need him, he is the one who needs to ensure he has a place in your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I feel for you dear. Pregnancy hormones or not, you shouldn't be treated or talked to like that. I'm not even pregnant yet and my husbands pampers me like egg. He helps with housekeeping and all. Your husband is just wicked. He either doesn't love you or he's just wicked, that's all.

    I will advise you leave him alone. If he doesn't want to be talked to, leave him. Do the best you can do at home and go the room and rest. Looks like you pay too much attention to him, that's why he's behaving like a dickhead. Starve him of that attention and see him wondering and running back into your arms.

    ReplyDelete
  40. I feel for you dear. Pregnancy hormones or not, you shouldn't be treated or talked to like that. I'm not even pregnant yet and my husbands pampers me like egg. He helps with housekeeping and all. Your husband is just wicked. He either doesn't love you or he's just wicked, that's all.

    I will advise you leave him alone. If he doesn't want to be talked to, leave him. Do the best you can do at home and go the room and rest. Looks like you pay too much attention to him, that's why he's behaving like a dickhead. Starve him of that attention and see him wondering and running back into your arms.

    ReplyDelete
  41. First pregnancy is mostly very hard for men...in my own case i hear am. my wife was a superwoman anytime i was away for a couple of days,cook,clean,seep,wash etc, the moment i return,she's totally USELESS. she was always throwing up (until the day she gave birth),couldn't drink water,i had to mix it with nutri c for her,the annoying cravings nko...what she craved yesterday,the next day it'd become like shit to her...she was extra emotional,any slight thing she don begin cry...i suffer ehn. that was when i started feeling for single mothers who went through pregnancy without their partners...no be small thing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But at least you stayed by her, you assisted her, you took care of her, that's love.

      But what this poster's husband is doing ehn, I can't even dream of calling it love. It's times like this u will comfirm who loves you and who doesn't

      Delete
    2. Or who get sense and who no get sense. Even if if he's not in love with her, he can at least be compassionate. She's a human being and carrying another human being too.

      Delete
  42. The jazz don clear?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you the posters' husband? This one you are busy dripping one liners๐Ÿคซ

      Delete
  43. Sorry for your plight..sometimes I wonder why all the shakara? Because a man might pretend to truly want you and at the end after getting you he feels like it was not worth it.. maybe that's what he is going through..reasons no one should pretend or over do things..just be your true self and people that will fall and respect you will do that genuinely with conscience.I think he is seeing someone else.you just have to be strong.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I did not finish reading,oya take a trip to your parents house.
    Leave the house for him,allow him to miss you and where u will have good care

    ReplyDelete
  45. Dear poster,

    It's quite a pity that you and your hubby probably did not first become friends OR have proper discussions of issues before walking the aisle. Issues such as if you want to start having babies immediately, number of children to have, about pregnancy/mood swings,stay in the same room or prefer rooms apart, etc. Were you guys really READY for what you were going into? Unfortunately, these issues when not trashed, weighs more on the wife than the husband.

    Also, you sound as if you are not ready make your marriage work - you two have NOW become ONE so rise up to your responsibility. You guys should PLEASE not bring a 'poor' child into the world and not jointly care for him/her. get to work with your hubby ASAP.

    ReplyDelete
  46. 1. Recognize that you & your husband are going to be first time parents very soon.
    2. It is not easy going through this phase ( Early pregnancy).
    3. Complain less and try to manage things as it comes and try to have a chaht with him. DOn't bring pregnancy to the discussion first.
    4. Tell him everything will be alright.
    5. Pray
    6. Don't threaten him agaun about leaving the marriage. Na belle you carry you no kill person.
    7. Take good care of your little Munchkin
    8. God Bless you and your husband.
    9. We went through this phase too.

    4.

    ReplyDelete
  47. First year of marriage used to be tough on some especially if pregnancy follows immediately. My dear it is not easy but I assure you that it will get better. Just try and keep yourself busy, focus on your child. Don't feel bad about hubby, it will get better. Study shows that those who stick through hard days in early marriage get to later enjoying more than others

    ReplyDelete
  48. I feel like your husband is not ready for marriage and it's stress at all. He loved you from afar but he isn't prepared for the realities of living with you everyday. He wants his space, he wants his life to still be like it was when he was a bachelor.
    I don't think you should seperate though. Inform his mum, hopefully she's a good person. If your mum or sister can come stay with you that will be good so you have someone to take care of you.
    For your husband, don't give him all your emotions, he hasn't earned it. The more you give him, the more he feels suffocated. Create some distance between you two, give him the space he wants and focus your attention elsewhere. After a while you won't care and he'll begin to care

    ReplyDelete
  49. Hmmmm, poster to be honest not all men are nurturing during pregnancy. This is his first time with a pregnant woman and most of them due to only taking care of themselves growing dont know how to tend to other pples needs. See, try spend weekends at your parents place. Also appear cheerful even if u r not, try be the mature one and laugh when he says u r lazy reply " thank God I have u, with a laugh" it ll pass. Send him msgs,thanking him for doing things. Also stop complaining even when he gets it wrong. He is still adjusting. U also need to be playful and try engaging in other activities whether church, visiting of friends, dress well and appear busy. U ll b fine. Dont get depressed most newly wed men are still immature.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Hmmmm. @Poster you need to calm your nerves down. Breathe in and Breathe out. You will be fine. I tell you, it's not easy to be a man RESPONSIBILITY'S. The moment he complains, try to encourage him. If he corrects you, just try to make adjustments. First semester could be really bad, but try all you can. Please don't Nag. I wish you a safe delivery and a happy Family. If you feel lonely, speak to God and concentrate on your happiness. It work. God bless you

    ReplyDelete
  51. I think I can relate to your plight. I was not friends with my hubby before we got married. I got pregnant about 2 weeks after our wedding..it was not a pleasant first year of marriage. I wasn't even the stressful type because all through my pregnancy, I was my normal self.. no cravings etc but I was kind of lazy always sleeping and all. Hubby wasn't there for me, we hardly talked and he was always coming home late. Now after 4 yrs, I have learnt to enjoy my own company and that of my kids. I don't even care if he exists. it is really terrible. That is the price you pay if you don't marry your friend. My advice is to take care of yourself, be around people that love you till you deliver and then maybe his attitude might change for the better. cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  52. Poster, my case is very similar. Even in my first trimester now. Got married some months back. The night I told hubs I was pregnant, the response was just wow! And that was it. I was expecting Nigerian movie excitement, but got none of that. I was so sad and we just slept. Although he woke me up with an apology, that it just dawned on him that he has some weighty responsibilities.
    I'm sure your hubby is probably feeling overwhelmed. He was probably just starting to know you, enjoying sex then boom! Pregnancy!
    Just bear with him, it'll be fine. Pray, eat fruits and try and make yourself busy. Its what I do even though hubby has turn completely around and acting like a doting dad๐Ÿ™„
    We'll do fine and have healthy, beautiful kids. Safe delivery to you (and me too๐Ÿ˜ƒ)

    ReplyDelete
  53. Take this advice...while making love or during foreplay,insert your finger into his dick...see if it is wide...like unusually wide ...then u know u man is gay and married you to hide that..

    ReplyDelete
  54. Poster Pele. I know it can't be easy.

    I think your husband is not as domesticated as you need and you guys didn't plan pregnancy right from day one.

    From what you've described, he is probably accustomed to having his sister's picking up after him at home so he isn't used to seeing the real work done and since you guys didn't live together, he is now seeing the real sweat and can't mentally make the shift from bachelorhood. Also, he has to adjust financially and mentally for the coming baby and he realises he can't be a baby his sisters will be handling things for anymore. This is why the comparison is coming up - why are you not like my sister forgetting that proverb that the hen sweats but the feathers hide it. Now, he is seeing what his sisters have managed to keep from his view.

    Imagine if this man traveled, was in prison or comatose. Life would still continue. Focus on remaining healthy and sane. He'll sort himself out later. Do the little you can and rest. Spend the weekend at your parents. Be civil in your interactions but don't initiate sex or gist- you don't have that paddy kind of husband. Don't cook his favourite or watch war room- this kind of man would punish weakness and submission. Just mind your business and give your roommate space. Don't keep malice with him. Just ignore him. Face your job or business and prepare for your baby. Keep him informed about plans and make it a priority to make yourself joyful.

    Also have it in mind that this may not end with the first pregnancy. This may be the attitude you'll get when you are down with malaria, tired from a trip, chasing a contract or after losing a loved one. Face the reality that your husband is emotionally distant so you are not disappointed when he leaves you to weather storms alone. Wishing you a safe delivery. Please plan your next pregnancy to suit you better.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Foolishness is when you cannot control your mouth.

    Foolishness is when you know that a man is stressed out but you will still not give up.

    If you can take a little break from your husband, go stay with your parents for a while. Maybe you could fix things with your boo.

    Is not everything you see, feel, experience that you say it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Foolishness is this comment. If you want to help, do that. Don't assume and insult for days.

      Delete
  56. MARRIAGE IS NOT EASY, YOU ARE CHOKING THE GUY WITH TOO MUCH COMPLAINS. ALOT OF MEN ARE IN YOUR HUSBAND'S SHOES. WIVES WITH SHARP TONGUES KILL THE LOVE AND SEX DRIVE IN THEIR HUSBANDS, YOU ARE DELIBERATELY NOT STUDYING YOUR BODY AND MANAGING YOUR SYMPTOMS, MOST LADIES WILL SUFFOCATE THEIR HUSBANDS WITH COMPLAINS AND CRIES WHEN SICK OR PREGNANT ONLY TO BE LAUGHING AND PLAYING WITH THE SAME CONDITION WHEN THEY SEE THEIR MOM AND FAMILY MEMBERS. CHECK YOURSELF AND ADJUST.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are foolish and insensitive.

      Delete
  57. Wats the difference between you and the boy that cried wolf. You are threatening to leave n separate n you end up staying. Empty threats are the worse. That being said are you certain your husband loves you completely n totally? I know my comment ended with a question....sorry

    ReplyDelete

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