Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Sunday, April 12, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Na wah!!!








STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
A CHRONICLE TO LEARN FROM



We all live to learn and someone might be able to learn a thing or two from this. So, below is the comment I was going to post:



Men, brother wahala ehn! 


At a time when my life and health was in jeopardy, my elder brother didn't offer to help. This didn't bother me because I am one of those people that just accepts that lives by the principle that no one can help if God hadn't placed it in their hands to do so. Besides, I don't make assumptions about people's financial situation. 

The fact that someone appears to be doing good does not mean the person is financially buoyant at the very moment you want/need help from them – life is happening to us all at the same time. I also try not to let it bothered me if someone has other priorities.



What did bother me was when he told our half-sister, who offered to help, not to do so – telling her I might be trying to scam her (she lived in a different country). Not only was this not true, it was very troubling as I had no history of financial impropriety - unlike him – I can easily recall a few instances of less than appropriate behaviour on his right into young adulthood – all of which are put off as youthful exuberance. 


I was “the” good boy, though rather naive. His action is even more troubling considering the fact that he is one of a few people that knew the detail of my health situation. At a time, we even kept it from our mother so she won't get worried. He even was the one that informed the half-sister in question, who had then reached out and offered to help (even vexing with me that I didn’t tell her myself). Our half-sister withdrew her offer of support at that time. I just accepted that it only means help was never supposed to come from her in the first place – didn’t affected my relationship with her.


That was more than 5 years ago. I have had two major surgeries since then, one of which being seriously life threatening (that one was more than 10 hours of surgery o). I am alive and well today and slowly getting my life back together and very grateful to God. The whole event has also led to many other testimonies (stories for another day).


In the year following his inappropriate behaviour/betrayal, I tried to make peace with him in spite of the fact that he was the offending party - following the counsel of Romans 12:17-18 (Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Carefully consider what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible on your part, live at peace with everyone). 


I asked family members to speak with him (I was still hurt and couldn’t trust myself to do it right). He told my “emissaries” that he is the older one and I should come beg his forgiveness (probably because I gave him a nasty look and cold greeting the first time we saw since his action). I also asked my “emissaries” to at least help me get an explanation for his behaviour because till today, it still baffles me. 


I had hoped having an explanation that made sense from him will help me reconcile the shock and pain but he refuses to acknowledge he did anything wrong. So, on my part, I did the internal work over time between myself and God to forgive him. When I eventually felt I could, I sent him a message that I have forgiven him – I needed my peace men!


Trouble is, I can't feel safe with him. I don't feel safe with him and I am not sure if I ever will. We kind of talk on phone now and then – but it cannot be the same men!!! 


It just saddens me sometimes when I think about it because I loved this man, I looked up to him and because my family means everything to me. You see, we have been through some tumultuous life situations together growing up and been kept on the fringes by extended family members because of sibling wahala between parents, aunties and uncles and some other issues. So, to me, I wanted our family units to be integrated, loving and warm. My brother’s action fragmented that to a significant degree, and that is still disappointing and painful sometimes.






*Sad but this your own is child's play compared to what some people have seen...Good that you forgave him......The sister that didn't help,what was her reaction after you had two surgeries?

46 comments:

  1. Thank God for your life.
    Yes, you shouldn't feel safe with him. If your own brother could do what he did, then he is very wicked and not to be trusted.
    You are good though, forgiving someone like this is not easy. I will not.
    Your half sister didn't bother talking to you to know what was actually going on with you and why your brother asked her not to help you?


    Sluttychic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Waooooooo Poster so sorry for your surgeries

      E hugs πŸ’‹

      Delete
    2. The enemies of a man( envious, malicious, unforgiving, wicked, mean, resentful etc) are in his household


      Can we all stop assuming that blood ties equals friendship?

      Thank you

      Delete
  2. Forget family
    If he doesn't want to make peace with you, forgive him in your heart and distance yourself from him, it's not by force.
    Build your own nuclear family and move on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DON, I agree with you yet again - the fourth time. πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘

      Poster, take this advice.

      Delete
    2. I agree with Don. Everyone is fighting their own demons their own way. Poster just build your won family and pray very very hard against any generational curse. Ask God to help you break the cycle. Also be very thankful to God for giving you wisdom and insight. NEVER let your guard down with your brother. I know people say blood is thicker than water but the full saying is this : "Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of birth" Meaning your brothers or sisters in Christ (honest, true ones o) are more your brothers and sisters than your own biological family sometimes.

      Delete
  3. Family is not only based on blood ties. If the people related to you by blood messes up like this, cut them off and move on. Y'all mustn't be in talking terms to be related. That one you call brother will still do worst things in the future.
    Please stop telling him about your life and everything, he doesn't love you at all.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I reread the commandments of Jesus Christ asides the ten commandments.

    1. Love one another.
    2. Pray for your enemies.
    3. Believe in him as the saviour.
    4. Take up his cross and follow him.
    5. Be his witness
    Its hard being christain

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is if you mean "ChristAin"
      As for being a Christian, he says, take my yoke upon me and learn from me
      and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

      talk about a primary 2 pupil saying that high school is hard because she saw the algebra
      they do. People are getting A in it.

      Foremost, you have to accept Jesus into your life, learn his Word and grow in him.

      Delete
  5. I'm glad that you have forgiven
    Just thread carefully
    I wish you total recovery

    Happy Easter everyone

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster, good thing you forgave him. My advice is, move on because, you're right about not feeling safe around him. Have you ever asked yourself what your death would have meant to him? I strongly believe that your answer to why he treated you that way, lies in that question. It's quite obvious that, that brother of yours would be a happier person if you were dead. The Bible says wisdom is profitable to direct. It also says that your discretion will preserve you.

      You've forgiven him, that's enough now, stay away from him...

      Delete
  6. Poster no vex ooo, All I noticed was the 'articulate' grammar you were 'blowing'.

    Honestly, it made me feel as if e no pain you reach. Abeg forgive me oo na joke I dey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.

      Delete
    2. πŸ˜‚
      Abi na, pidgin or vernacular suppose enter when person dey vex.

      Delete
    3. I love that he is obviously well educated and possibly well spoken. He will go far.

      Delete
  7. Lol, he must be in his thirties. Prime of life, top of the game tinz. Don't worry, time and life are the best teachers, he will come back to u sooner or later with some bitter lessons.. Glad you are OK..May your healing be permanent in Jesus Name, Amen.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Forgive and let go of the hurt you feel deep inside. Channel your energy towards self growth and learn to be on your lane.It's obvious your brother doesn't like you

    ReplyDelete
  9. ‘ Trouble is, I can't feel safe with him. I don't feel safe with him and I am not sure if I ever will‘.
    You are not safe with him, accept that and deal with him with a long spoon. In my opinion, I believe life has shown you the kind of person he could be. We humans have different facets, some of which we are even unaware. Before telling your half-sister these things, he thought well about it and decided to do it. Up until now, at least, you didn’t say he apologized; my point is he was very intentional about it. What will make someone block the favor badly needed by his brother? Unless you are aware of any issue that could have provoked that kind of attitude from him, I would say he nurses ill-will towards you. Family is important, and I applaud you for taking steps towards reconciliation. Be as wise as a serpent; be cordial, but do not let down your guard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never let your guard down, mind your business

      Keep your affairs to yourself
      Never expose your back to him

      Delete
  10. I am happy that you have forgiven him. Move on with your life, live as if you don't have anyone, that way you won't be surprised when humans behave as humans.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am happy that you have forgiven him. Move on with your life, live as if you don't have anyone, that way you won't be surprised when humans behave as humans.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank GOD you have gotten your peace of mind and you are alive . family may forsake you but GOD Will never forsake you

    ReplyDelete
  13. A good writer you are poster. It is well with you.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi Poster you are not safe with him .I am talking from experience .Your brother is Just like my husband's elder brother .The Same thing .funny enough I told my husband this your brother Las Las will put you in trouble and Act like he has no idea how you landed into it .Before the trouble could happen my husband Eye shine .He thought I was trying to Seperate him from his brother.Poster please I beg you you are not safe with this your brother oh ...If you get ear make you hear

    ReplyDelete
  15. Only a fool would feel relaxed around him after batrayal. Be thankful he showed his real self this way, him to yourself, it’s your way of protecting yourself. Don’t loose guard and be opening your teeth for him again. If you let him in, he would hurt you again simple. Imagine he fucked up and refused to acknowledge it, the guy know say you soft. Just keep to yourself

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thread with caution and just be cordial with him but don’t leave your edibles in his care for any reason. Be safe.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Poster- I am writing this to beg you. STAY AWAY from your brother because if you don’t the next strike will be deadlier. I experienced it doing I’m Christ like forgive and take back. I lost a child because of that! Due to ill advice from the big brother so even though not blood. God loves me, warned me through a dream and he showed it in same like type of action of chasing helper away but I was stupid. To forgive and let things go back to the same way it was... let me not talk just forgive and run. The worst person to be with is one who chases helper. He is evil and can never change.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hmmm It is well..Lessons have been learnt sometimes its good you go through certain situations so you know the true intentions of people..From the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks..

    ReplyDelete
  19. Poster yours was a small matter. I know how you feel cause I have been there. In 2007 I got admission overseas, paid for school fees and every other things. Visa came out, no money for flight. I have a rich elder brother who was building houses all over lagos, I reached out to see if he can assist me with flight ticket and pocket money. He said Why do you want to travel? "What you have in abroad is also in Nigeria".He refused to assist, visa expired and I lost the admission. I hated him but it's all in the past now. But today I am paying his kids school fees.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Nawa o.. This chronicle made me remember the adage that says "the ones you are blood related with could beray not to talk of friends" and this other one "being blood related doesn't mean automatic mercy/favour, it is only who God sends to you will show you favour"


    Hmmmm πŸ€”.. It is well

    ReplyDelete
  21. If I tell you my own.... You go cry for me... So chill... Thank God you forgave him... Move on with your life, na only Waka come life

    ReplyDelete
  22. ...Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his deeds were evil, and his brother's were righteous. 1John 3v12

    Poster, your brother is of the lineage of Cain though you are of the same parents.
    Remember Absalom tried to kill his own father, King David for the throne.
    You have forgiven your brother, now be wise and cut him off.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I really don't understand certain things. You have intentions to help someone with money, job, clothes etc and very convinced about it.

    Knowing fully well that whatever you do to help someone is God that will reward you.

    Yet, someone from the blues will dissuade you not to help the person and you would gladly turn your back from helping.

    To me, you never want to help in the first place.

    Thank God you are fine now and you have forgiven him but be wise in dealing with him.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Stay away from him, trust me, God knows and understands that you have forgiven him but you are simply applying wisdom. I'm happy you have the right mindset about life. He is NOT holding the key to your life.

    May God bless you with a virtuous woman and build a beautiful family to fill the void. It is well.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Poster you try.just mind your business and stay on your lane

    ReplyDelete
  26. The Bible says "...by their fruits yαΊΉ shall know them." Matt 7:16

    Also,your mind isn't comfortable being around him. Please do the needful sir and stay far away from him else he will cause your downfall and destruction.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Poster I love your command of English. Please avoid your brother seriously

    ReplyDelete
  28. Story of my life, had a surgery, my elder brother (very manipulative) call my brother and sisters not to assist me financially but with God on my side they all supported me except him, after some months my mum that has always be on his side, fell sick was admitted, he did the same thing to her called my siblings that my mum just wanted to waste money by been admitted in the hospital that non should assist her financially and like seriously they all avoided my mum's call, she was heartbroken couple with her health condition, I had to call them and explain to them how evil my elder brother is, that we should all assist her financially, na since then my mumsy eye clear.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Do Nigerians have problem expressing their minds?? I noticed not once did poster actually mentioned he called to really express his mind to his brother so he can have complete closure and move on. Are you scared to discuss this pain and hurt with him? I don’t understand. Also your half sister, did you bring it up to her and let her know your side of the story? Yes you have forgiven your brother but it seems you’re still hurt. I believe in communication and thrashing things out abeg. Goodluck poster.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree. I didn't read anywhere he mentioned that he expressed his displeasure to his siblings. You are keeping grudges yet forming Christian. Yes it still hurts you or else you wouldn't have sent in this chronicle so why not tell him how much he hurt you. Is he a lion? Will he eat you? If he responds positively and apologizes or explains himself with remorse, you would have won back a brother, but if he insists on his stance, then you can make a decision to give him a wide berth. Either way, you'll be more at peace. We Nigerians are not very expressive people. Instead, we choose to keep malice or act passive aggressive to people when we are hurt which is what you did when you saw him and greeted him coldly. We can act all mature and 'christian' but our emotions will continue to betray us when we are around those people as long as we sweep issues under the carpet and refuse to address them.

      Delete
  30. We have heard stories of murder by siblings. Family is not by force. If it aint working, step away and chart your destiny

    ReplyDelete
  31. This is true life story. Same way my elder brother, who connected me to his rich friend who gave me a job and was ready to uplift me, started back stabbing me, going diabolical to destroy the love his friend has for me. Although my wife advised me earlier to not tell my progress with my boss to him after series of awful dreams, but my love for family unity drove me into telling everything, including life changing promises my boss gave me and which were never fulfilled.

    Three days after, the same man who always sang my praises on how i have turned things around for good in his company with my super intelligence and was saving millions for him started calling me names publicly , getting irritated by my presence any time he sees me, especially at executive meetings. The situation became worse the day i told my brother what i was passing through and asked him to talk to my boss for me since i had done nothing to deserve castigations and humiliations except work my ass out from 8am to 11pm and the least 10pm daily for the 5 months period i worked for my former boss. Sanction upon sanctions trailed upfront deductions of my salaries to a point that i barely survived abuja cost of living let alone sending money to my wife and kids every month. Instead, my wife was sending me pocket money to survive.

    Each time i complained to my brother he supported his friend my boss and afterwards worsened my situation. IT was when I went deep in prayers that i got the shock of my life on how jealousy could drive a blood brother into ruining the life of his siblings, not minding i forgave him similar things he had done to my career in the past. I quickly resigned when my boss woke up one morning and told me he was demoting me from the senior manager position i occupied to an Ordinary officer level with an 80 percent salary demotion too, without any explanation, except regrets two days after i had left. But i was not going back there any more.

    since then i decided to shut my mouth and focus on my life. Ofcourse i forgave and learnt my lessons.

    The world is wicked but with God we shall triumph.










    ,

    ReplyDelete

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