Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Saturday In House Gists - Talking About The Past With A New Love

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Saturday, April 11, 2020

Saturday In House Gists - Talking About The Past With A New Love

When people meet to begin fresh relationships so many questions are asked and so many answers are needed..........










When is the right time to open up to a new love about what they should know?In the beginning or when the relationship is on a serious path?

Are you currently in a new relationship?Planning to talk about your past or pretend it does not exist?

Or are you both Married already and you are planning to open up and talk about the past but scared you might do some Harm?

There is this believe that men expect women to understand when they open up and reveal all the dirt in their past life but might call off the relationship if she reveals dirty things in her past....

Or are you already Married and told all the things that should be known before the Marriage held?Must one talk about the past at all?

I told what needed to be told and left the rest as ''I don't want to talk about things that i have decided to forget''......I am married to a very understanding man,he didn't push and  let it go.....


Lets gist!

149 comments:

  1. The beginning. If you can't deal with it, then take a bow.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ada Eji Eje Mba 111 April 2020 at 14:02

    Not in Nigeria, infact not in Africa. We are not yet mentally ready for this kind of talk.

    Ladies, remember that your body count is always 3, if e pass 3, it was a mistake. Am I communicating??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you never got pregnant let alone having abortion. Even if one useless doctor accuses you of abortion in future, deny it with plenty tears.
      Note: men hate two things
      1: plenty body counts or runs
      2: abortion

      Men know how to push women to abort babies but when it comes to marriage, they want a brand new womb. Nonsense

      Delete
    2. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Singles, take note oh

      Delete
    3. Thanks @ 14:24, I was so undecided about admitting this abortion talk recently. Even when he admitted to 3 girls having aborted for him in the past but I just couldn't.

      We've been trying to conceive for about 7 months now, after which he brought the talk. After this corona virus pandemic we will be visiting a doctor but like you advised I'm not going to admit to anything to any doctor.

      Delete
    4. Lol @15:25, don't admit it. Before you know it he will go and tell your husband. That one will say you are the cause of your TTC situation meanwhile the abortion might not even be the cause. It might be something else like low sperm count on his part or hormonal imbalance on your part. But if you admit to an abortion, they will not point their search light on other possible causes.
      The doctor will ask you if you have ever been pregnant, just say No.

      Delete
    5. Dont. It won't change anything

      Delete
    6. Anon 15:25 Hold your ears and repeat after me: I HAVE NEVER COMMITTED ABORTION. The most is when I used postinor...simples....useless men everywhere.... a friend of mine almost confessed, the way I flung the gist back into her soul. Now she has 3 kids . Go for a private scan to check your womb wasn’t ruptured during the D&C. That's normally the only give away....me nko? How many I do and I'm good. It's God in heaven who forgives and forgets then gives you a new start ....pls pls pls my sister do not give any man ammunition to use against you.

      Delete
    7. Don't tell him you used postinor o. Except you used it while with him. He will say it is the cause. Don't tell him you ever used any birth control asides condoms except it was used while with him.
      My husband's sister in-law(his brother's wife) gave birth via CS, this local man said it was as a result of the abortion she had. Just imagine. He had heard from someone that the girl had an abortion while in school.
      In my mind I was just thanking God that I was wise enough to shut my mouth. I also had two abortions but didn't tell him. I had my first child through CS, this man said it was because I was too lazy to push. Emergency CS as a result of breech baby position that almost took my life, I showed him pepper in the presence of his mum the day he said it. CS that I even paid for. Imagine if I had told him I had abortions, he would have even divorced me immediatelyπŸ˜‚.

      Meanwhile, a friend of mine had almost ten abortions but gave birth to all her four children vaginally without any stress. In fact, she was advised to stop aborting to save her womb that was why she kept the pregnancy and married her husband. After that, she had three more kids, male and female.
      Yet some virgins are TTC, virgins that didn't suck dick or receive heads before marriage o. Seeking for the fruit of the womb for years.

      So what am I saying? its the grace of God that gives us children and not according to our sins. So shut your mouth.

      Delete
    8. Na wa o
      We learn everyday
      Just imagine

      Delete
    9. 17.05

      Stop encouraging BAD thing. For every 1 of "your friend" that supposedly didn't suffer the consequences, there are HUNDREDS doing so!

      Delete
    10. As long as the guy too doesn't disclose anything to you, you ladies can't be having it only your way.

      Delete
    11. Omg.. Devil is really doing his home work. Just wow!!

      Delete
    12. 18:44 even if the guy discloses all his life secrets, you lady should keep quiet or just tell him something he would overlook, you can say you mistakenly dated a younger guy. You couldn't cope with age difference, you had to quit. Hehehehehe

      Delete
  3. If you're a lady planning to get married please take your secret to the grave except it's something that can't be hidden e.g love child from pr3vious relationship, anything thing else hush your mouth cos most men can't handle some things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whenever my baby ask about my past I always tell him it's not his business...and that's the truth

      I don't have a really bad past but it's not necessary telling him stories about who and who I dated and how it ended and what we did in the relationship.

      I don't know the one that will not go well with him so I don't want to take risk... He tells me about his past all the time.. oh I dated this one and that one and etc.. he's free to say his own Sha

      After all I've read on this blog for years, I know it's good for past to remain where they are... Past and dead.

      Delete
    2. Funny enough my hubby never asked any dumb ass question about my past.
      Like what is he looking for with my past, is his past missing? I dint do anything i needed hiding but i dont even think my past is anybodys business.

      Delete
  4. I'm assuming you mean, serious ish that may have an impact on the relationship.

    As for me, I didn't divulge the 'gory' details until I was sure the relationship was heading somewhere. What's the point of telling ur secrets and stuff to someone that may still not end in marriage. How many people will u tell?

    The most important thing is to divulge all before marriage tho. This doesn't involve body counts because no reasonable person should be asking u such question in the first place

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have a point. My body count, my body.

      Delete
    2. Eka, they do oh. They ask na, my husband asked me how many ex I have, I told him my own but he still feels imI lying, that's his business Sha. I can tell things about my past but not everything abeg. I even regret some of the things I said, but it's not as if I have a very bad past sef.

      Delete
  5. Some dirty past should go to the grave with you but some gist cannot be kept from your lover especially the ones the person may find out about them someday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @excited
      Did you make a mistake of typing "grave" instead of "hell?"

      Delete
  6. How can I tell my wife that her friend’s 2years old baby is mine? I have bn living with this, I planned telling her this in the future maybe and re write my will too

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The betrayal!!. My heart aches for your wife already.

      Delete
    2. Anon 14:05 Huh???
      Things are really happening.

      Delete
    3. Huh! O my Jesus, sorry I exclamate but I just couldn't help,annon you wisdom to be able to say this cos I won't advise you take such a secret to the grave Mba! But how careless of you.

      Delete
    4. 14:05, please tell her soon, don't let her find out from your "will", that would be very heartbreaking.

      Delete
    5. A lot of people that will bash this guy are mostly women who themselves have had abortion 20 times and slept with 200 men.

      pot calling kettle black

      Delete
    6. My landlord's daughter is pregnant and refused to abort. I dont know how to tell my wife or my landlord.

      Delete
    7. You shouldn't be among the living.

      Delete
    8. Pls dnt tell her, take it to the grave. Except your dead that's the only way she should find out. I see it as telling your partner about your past abortion

      Delete
    9. 14:05 and 15:14, one and the same person with fabulous fabus
      Fake stories to kill boredom
      Fuck off!😑😑😑

      Delete
    10. Deed has already been done just look for a way to correct your mistake while you can. Talk to your wife because this secret you cannot take it to the grave at all.

      Anonymous that his landlord daughter is pregnant for I will advise you to meet her parents and discuss on the way forward to making her your wife. Enjoy your new home.

      Delete
    11. 14.55 don't mind the HYPOCRITES

      Delete
    12. The question is when did this happen? Before or after you knew your wife? Seems you are repentant or are you still going to the friend?

      This is double betrayal, better to tell your wife.

      If she should know latter on she would be really hurt, especially if she still keeps on being friends with "the friend".

      This is one of the reasons why women kill.

      If she doesn't kill you for long drawn betrayal, her "friend" might kill you for out of jealously,or the daughter might kill you for not acknowledging her or one of your own children from your wife might kill you for the way you treated their mother or you might kill yourself from guilt.

      A lot of killings might go on if you let it go on.

      Tell her now. Ask for forgiveness, learn from your mistakes. If she takes your back, love her better.
      If she doesn't love her from afar by taking care of your children with her and by not running back to marry "the friend"

      T

      Delete
  7. Past what??
    I only live in the now.
    And right now it’s me and you baby..

    ReplyDelete
  8. I don't have anything to reveal about my past. As for my husband I told him never to bother revealing anything. Let the past remains where its belongs. Ain't got no time to look back when I have the future ahead of me to enjoy.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You disclose what needs to be known when the relationship is about to get serious.
    I believe it is 'best' to divulge any secret to each other, so that the past will not come back to haunt anyone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Twins square you lie
      Some pasts should be left in the past. When it comes to haunt, we will face it

      Delete
  10. Is there need opening up,let the past be in the past,and face the future.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I dated my hubby for about 9 years before we got married. I told him stuffs about myself I never told anyone, some addictions I couldn't let go (very shameful stuffs) He was so understanding & helped me pull through, & even loved me more for confiding in him. Those were our early days in the relationship, when we were about a year old. We'v been married for 3 years now & am happy i'v got no skeleton in my cupboard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have a very understanding hubby

      Delete
    2. I am 100 percent sure he is not Nigerian.

      100 percent sure.

      Delete
    3. Lucky you unlike some women that their husbands will use it against them just to get back at them

      Delete
    4. Yes, a very understanding hubby. Some of them will use it against you Sha, small quarrel and they'll mock you.

      Delete
    5. Your type of husband is not common, you're so lucky.

      Delete
    6. @spicy you married a man who loves you. You did well to come clean to him. That is how the two become one. This is what a good marriage is.

      Delete
  12. please let your past remain where it belongs,cos some men are funny,once you open up to them,they will hunt you with your past for life,anyway except it is something you must tell,i.e love child,damaged womb etc. then you tell when the relationship is getting serious. not unnecessary talk like how many abortions you had,body count.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This will be an interesting read

    ReplyDelete
  14. I was in a relationship that I was hoping it will lead to marriage, now I begin to wonder how I fell for that oviakpo!!! Dude is not my type since I started liking taller guys...i will tell him my ex is a short man devil

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣

      Delete
    2. Not funny...

      Delete
  15. As for me, i only revealed necessary things, I did not confess what should be left a secret. Let me not go and shoot myself in the foot

    ReplyDelete
  16. So like me that has more than seventy body counts and have had eight abortions, should go and open my mouth and start saying all that to a man abi? Highest body count I tell any man is two. If I must. I take such secrets to the grave. ANG and BVs,abeg no preach for me, I don repent.But I still collect prick once in a while. πŸ‘‹

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 70 body counts jeeeeeeez
      Body count above 10; you are a cutlASS, Above 20; you are a matchet, above 30: you are a HOE

      Delete
    2. Chai! Even a fellow woman will not allow you to marry her brother if she knows

      Delete
  17. I'm of the school of thought that the past should remain in the past like why dig out something that is not necessary.
    Me o,I don't think I have any past that can hunt me say I get ex-boyfriend na in be news?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Stella thanks for this post. My issue is, I'm dating someone now, after i had issues with my ex, my ex was my greatest mistake, i have other ex but this particular is and was my greatest regret and mistake

    I left and blocked him everywhere on social media and even on calls. Before the break up, he knew of my present bf asking me out, he ask me of his name and i told him only the first name and that was it

    My ex is a kind of person that loves to know what's going on with all his exes, a behavior that was so disturbing to me, and being that i saw some psychotic characters in him. He doesn't mind paying people to keep tab on his exes, or using money to still keep those ones as friends ( He very rich and has enough to throw around)

    I left him even when he wanted marriage, cos i was scared of his mental health. And whether to spite me, he got married immediately, a girl he wasn't even dating, i know that cos the elder sis was deeply very close to me. But after the break up i cut all of them off

    My problem now is, i was check some stuff on my present guy post, and i saw my ex elder sis as one of his friend on Fbk and that disturbed me alot, cos i knew she wasn't on Fbk when i was dating the brother, no connection to my present guy at all. Upon all the people i knew, i had to check her friend list, as she has just 300 friends, only my present guy is the one she has

    Should i ask my guy whether he knows her? As he has thousands on friend on Fbk, or just ignore? But I'm feeling my ex is using to sister page to monitor whether it's the guy I'm dating as i gave him the name, and might have check him out on Fbk using my friends list. He's that vain

    Please what should i do please

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Keep calm.

      Very calm.

      Get your boyfriend's password and block her.

      Most likely it is your ex using her page to monitor your boyfriend and by extension you.

      Be very very very careful. These type of people are jealous and obsessed, psychotic and possessive. They will go to any lengths to destroy what they cannot have.
      I know their type, be careful and very calm otherwise you will make a mistake you will regret.

      Delete
    2. Quietly unfollow and block the handle without your man knowing. He has thousands of followers right? He will not even notice.

      Delete
    3. Even if you unfollow and block, he will create another profile and add him since he already knew his name and face. Also,he might even have another spy profile on his friend list. Just explain all about him to your new man and tell him to be on the look out for him.

      Delete
    4. You sef why tell him when you know the kind of person he is? Follow the above advice.

      Delete
  19. Ladies be careful of what you reveal to your man. Family dirty secrets should be left in secret, he will use them to insult you in future. I'm speaking from experience. That your useless brother, don't tell your man about him. That your dad's secret child or mistress, keep it away from your man.
    Abortions and runs should be left in the past, some men will run if you tell them these. On the other hand, if a man tells a woman about how he slept with over 1000 girls and 100 of them aborted for him, the woman will still accept him. So ladies, even of he tells you he slept with 500 prostitutes and he had killed human beings before, just nod your head and keep shut!
    If you were once married, tell him
    If you have a child or children, tell him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally agree with you 100%

      Delete
    2. I think this all boils down to the kind of person u marry. I used to have this same mindset.

      But u see that family problems own, I totally support u keep it away from ur spouse, except you are certain u didn't marry a low life idiot

      Delete
    3. Chilled bucket of zobo for you.

      Delete
    4. Anon 12:26 that's not totally true. A man once told me about his past and all the feelings I thought I had depleted. I lost interest in him right there at that point. His past was too much for me so I had to let him go. He had such a debauched lifestyle and I just couldn't go on liking him even though he had cleaned up well and you wouldn't have suspected if he didn't tell you.

      Delete
    5. I ran when a guy told me his body count was a lot and how he had slept with a pregnant girl before.
      Ps, he wasn’t in a relationship with her and responsible for her pregnancy.

      Delete
    6. Thank you 14:26, you said it all.

      Delete
    7. Thank you 14:26, you said it all.

      Delete
    8. that family secrets is very true. Some men are worse than women in talking when angry

      Delete
    9. 16:15 lol
      Some girls would still remain in the relationship especially if he has money

      Delete
    10. 14:26, I learned about the family secrets own in a hard way

      Delete
  20. I believe one's past should remain past esp when your partner isn't curious to know. I had a friend who did abortion only once, with her ex. She told her new partner, they got married but the guy was always reminding her of her past. Unluckily for her, she was unable to conceive so he believed it was due to abortion and he left her

    ReplyDelete
  21. I always initiate the truth or dare game with no option of drinking anything to avoid a question but you can skip a dare but i only play that game that deep not like the ones you play in groups but just the two of you. It's fun and truths will be flying left, right, centre lol. I don't like secrets so it's mainly when I start sensing things are getting pretty serious.

    ReplyDelete
  22. an never tell any man my past.My past go follow me to d grave,the one i go tell him is about baby

    ReplyDelete
  23. There are some secrets one needs to carry to the grave. It's just one secret I haven't told my boyfriend and I won't tell him too.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I can never tell any man my past My past go follow me to d grave,the one i go tell him is about baby

    ReplyDelete
  25. Please should i tell my man about one abortion i had in the past? he told me two women aborted for him unknowly.. is it a good idea?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You had better face front.

      If your mouth is scratching you, buy lime.

      Delete
    2. Abort mission.
      I repeat Abort mission..

      Delete
    3. You want to tell him what?
      Read anon 14:26 comment up there.
      Even if you had a miscarriage, don't tell him. He may still marry you.
      If you get married, Any small delay in pregnancy in future, he will say you are the cause. Even if you give birth to kids on time, any day you quarrel, he will insult you with it

      Delete
    4. Anon 15: 09 πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜… ....na real buy lime....add ginger untop and make tea.

      Delete
  26. I disclose in batches depending on the stage of the relationship.

    However, only the relevant parts that will affect the relationship are divulged while the details are for my personal consumption.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In batches ke?
      Na so your past relationships plenty??

      Delete
    2. @Noni
      Your past must be a season film
      You disclose in batches πŸ˜‚

      Delete
    3. Hahahhaha hahahhaha at season film....

      Korean movies gat nothing on it mbok...

      Not literarily tho'

      Simply meant my disclosure depends on how serious the relationship.

      I've been in a few relationships tho'.

      #Side eyes#

      Delete
  27. The past should remain where it is. Most times when u tell it, a spouse or partner may reference it in anger or spite.

    ReplyDelete
  28. You can use style and tell your partner your story by pretending you're asking for advice for a friend. His/her reaction will be a pointer to your next move

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thus style has died with 2019 joo

      Delete
    2. He may decode. Don't try it

      Delete
  29. I dont have a past. Besides I also don't have an ex, if I break up with you then I don't know you.

    Still I think if you have a secret that could mar the relationship in the future, it's best you reveal it on time before it escalates. A friend lied she was a virgin to her then marriage came and what she went through is better imagined.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 🀣🀣🀣🀣@ I dnt know

      Delete
  30. My course mate told the husband about her body count which was upto 50 as i heard, the man couldn't take it, divorced her immediately and even went to their church to call the lady prostitute in front of his inlaw at the alter, the shame was too much that the girl's parent had to change church, he also collected the car he got for her she was using to cruise as a student. It was really messy but man can never be God, she got remarried a year after to a better man in all ramification, i am sure she has learnt her lesson.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! Just wow!

      Delete
    2. you see?
      That same man may have a body count of over 200 o
      Ladies, seal you lips. Your body count is TWO at most THREE

      Delete
    3. 50 is a huge number though.

      Delete
    4. You are right 16:36. Some men do not know their body count especially those that pick up random girls and go to brothels

      Delete
    5. Make una sef dey do things with fear of God. How can you have 50 body counts and still allow someone's son to go throw the rigorous process of payment of Bride price and all? Don't you have conscience.. haba.. if you were the guy would you marry yourself? Nonsense

      Delete
  31. I don't have a past per se but my rep was damaged in school cos I made a mistake of getting pregnant for a cultist ...he denied it and I had to bear everything. One out of my 3 friends made things worse by telling everyone in my school at that time so they thought I was a bad girl. I didn't do runs or sleep around...I just made a mistake. Eventually the baby died, but the damage was done. My rep was in tatters cos I made the mistake of confiding in Onyinye. I eventually found out what she did in final year. I didn't how bad she destroyed my rep till 10yrs after school. An old school mate and said he always liked me and wanted to marry not knowing he came based on the info. He asked me about all that stuff and I told him the truth not knowing that the guy never believed me. He was always surprised to call and I will be at home or I don't drink ...he never talked about me or introduced me to his close friends. He enacted his fantasies on me cos in his mind I was a "bad girl". It was later he realised that I actually wasn't by then it was too late. I was so heartbroken and I told myself I will never say anything again. The onyinye is married now with her own kids. The day she married I was so unhappy...I asked God why? This evil babe ruined my life. I have left her to God tho.

    I'm in a relationship now and so far so good. He had told me stuff he did in the past and family ish and I have told him mine cos I believe what you see is what you get. But will never tell him about this cos even as I'm typing, it still hurts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sad
      It's all in the past baby girl. Get over it. Everything happens for a reason. I'm sorry you lost your child, she's in a better place I assure you.

      Delete
    2. Your case is different. Yours is public knowledge. It's better you control your narrative. Tell him the truth

      Delete
    3. oh you did not tell your present guy that you once had a baby? Or that you had a baby for a cult guy?
      Which one did you not tell him cos it seems like you have not learned any lesson

      Delete
    4. @Kokolet thanks so much and yes I'm over it and it was a boy
      @ Anon 16.37 it's public narrative if you know where to find it. Thanks anyways
      @Anon 16.49 I told him what he needs to know and the past is my past. That I wrote stuff up there doesn't mean you know if I learnt my lesson or not. So I'd suggest you were glasses and reread

      Delete
  32. I told my husband about my sisters shaky marriage, and he never fail to abuse me with it anytime we have issues, saying it rubs in our blood, shebi that is how my sister doesn't respect her husband because she get small change

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry to say but your husband is mean and wicked

      Delete
    2. That's generally how Nigerian men are. Next time zip your mouth.

      Delete
    3. You see what I said up there about keeping your extended family problems a secret?
      My husband insults me with what i told him about my cousin who is a fraudster. Thank God he also told me about his dad who also duped some people when he was younger and how he was jailed for eight months. I used to give it back to him, I told him my cousin learnt the trade from his dad 😁😁😁😁😁
      He pain am well well
      I told him to respect himself because he also has skeleton in his cupboard

      Delete
    4. Good one, that will make him to stop using it against you. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

      Delete
    5. Nawa for your husband sha. I hope others will learn from this.

      Delete
    6. 16:48 hahahahahaha
      Imagine if you didn't have his own family secret too. You will just be crying because he will keep insulting you with it at any little provocation.

      Delete
    7. Lol @11:48, fire for fire.
      You know how to run the show, unlike some who would sulk.

      Delete
    8. Anon tell me my story. Hubby tells me I would end up like my sister. Always rubbing it that failed marriage runs in my family. Separation was no fault of my sis. Her husband was irresponsible. See why women die in marriages. My almost 2 years marriage is shaky.

      Delete
  33. What do you term accomplishment? While growing up I always felt I had get the good things of life; good job, money in the bank, early marriage, good man. As I got older I eventually graduated with good grades. BSC & MSC. After my MSC , it took me a half a year to get an oil service firm job paying just over a 100k. The thing is I always thought I had my life figured. I lost some friendships along way. I had this friend then who immediately I got the job I wanted to stay with pending when I get my house but she started acting up a week into when I moved in with her. She stayed 6 months in our family house when she moved to Lagos. It was a huge disappointment, then my relationship failed as I got the job. I lost hope in humans. I am seeing someone but I try not to reveal too much because sometimes I feel he might turn out like the others. I feel like my prayers are taking time to be answered. Sometimes I wake up and don’t want to talk to anyone or pick calls. Sdk blog has been a life saver this period.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I once dated a lady who told me everything about herself. How she got married, divorced and got twins out of wedlock. I was glad she told me everything before I find out. I was ready to go further with her. Other factors made me changed my mind. Circumstances how we met,not educated without at least SSCE,not fluent in English speaking and the age factor. But outside all this,she was lovely in heart and physic and very sincere. I saw her recently with a baby girl out of wedlock. I had pity for her. What a lovely Lady

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmmmmmm hmmmmmmner hmmmmmmmmnest

      Delete
    2. Lmaooooooo, we know your type na. After she told you everything you know remembered that 'she was not fluent in English speaking'.

      But when she was giving you all the gist, you didn't tell her to stop that the English was not sweet or to switch from her language to English before the gist will enter well well. Egbe...

      She no go school, she no go school, school don finish na, adult education don finish ba? School don finish for the world na? Okpo like you.

      Delete
  35. I told my hubby about my past even told him I had an abortion and he has never ever used it against me,he told me his too,even when d mum was trying to talk me down after only four mouths of marriage dat I wasn't pregnant he stood by me and shut d mum down,till date he's still my rock and defender when it comes to his family...I took in dat month and today we ve two lovely children... more to come by God's grace....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. na man you marry

      Delete
    2. Correct guy. May God strengthen your bond.

      Delete
    3. You got lucky with the 2%

      Delete
    4. You got lucky with the 0.01 percent.

      Delete
  36. Am of the opinion that our pasts should be where they belong- in the past. I told my ex- husband everything about me including my family issues. What end it? He used it against me at d slightest misunderstanding. He finally abandoned me with 2kids to impregnate and live with another woman. Am hurting right now cos I felt if I had kept my mouth shut,we could have still be together. So,my sincere advice is to forget the past and face the future.

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  37. Anonymous 14:26 I agree with what you said about keeping your family secret.

    My elder sister knows how to talk too much that she opened her mouth to tell my brother's wife about my failed marriage. My sister will never stop talking about my failed marriage with my my brother and his wife.

    Now my brother's wife always talk about my failed marriage. She tells me things my siblings talk about me. I have warned her never to tell me anything about what they discuss again. I don't want to hear about it, my sil is now using those talk to shame me.

    I relocated from where they all reside to a new State, I have my space and I don't care about what they say. Let them gossip, mock, laugh, insult me I do not care anymore. I am in abetter place than before.

    No need Sharing your family secret or problem with anyone. If my sister didn't tell my sil she would never know I was once married.

    ReplyDelete
  38. In this I would say one should pray for a discerning spirit.

    You don't dump your past on someone as it might be too much to take.

    But at thesame time anything built on lies or denial would always crumble no how long it takes.

    Marriage is sacred and love on it's own is beautiful. I want to be loved for who I am and not what I pretend to be. I don't want to live in the fear of the past.

    I had someone that acted up on me after telling him the truth about me. But it's all good. Moved on already.

    ReplyDelete
  39. That family issues own is so common. He will insult your mum and dad and all your family members with whatever you told him about them. I have learned to keep my mouth shut a long time ago.

    ReplyDelete
  40. It depends on the partner anyways.

    ReplyDelete
  41. It depends on what there is to tell and the level of maturity of the individual you are divulging your past to. Age or a mature face is deceptive, as some partners can be very childish, vindictive and can go very low with secrets they know. Everyone has a past whether good or bad. It is wisdom to tread carefully with peopke no matter how close or trustworthy they may be.

    ReplyDelete
  42. One of my sister's who loves to share everything with her spouse told him about her past. Each time they have a little misunderstanding, he brings up the issue just to hurt her. The day I heard it, I got up, dressed up, went to their home, waited patiently for his return and SINISTERLY warned this giant of a man (like say I fit do anything) and left. He didn't believe it as I am not the talking type and rarely converse with him sef. Till date, the bornfool respects her like kilode.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwwwwwwn, I love you. #hugs

      Delete
  43. My own is i used to date one rich married dude (his wife and kids are based in UK)while he works as a consultant for an oil firm.I broke up with him when I realized he was screwing my friend(according to them he got her num on my birthday which he threw for me)
    Repented and faced my IT year without dating as I just wanted to be alone.Then met one young intelligent bobo that was on my neck.I refused dating him till my second semester HND2.3 months into the relationship he asked me to visit his house as he wanted to introduce me to his brothers staying with him then.On getting to the house who do I see gisting with a babe outside(Ex sugar daddy).Immediately I startedfeeling heat and felt like pooing.Hubby noticed and asked what was wrong I said I was anxious to meet his brothers (yimu).I was not my self all through the visit especially when one of his brother's started complaining of another drama that ensued in the morning btw the ex and 2 of his babes that came at the same time.
    I knew i had no choice than to tell hubby. But anytime I want to tell him I couldn't just don the words.ok and behold can you imagine this man(ex)told hubby everything why I don't know.Hubby just started asking me about my past every now and then.Then I told him one evening.Was ready for the breakup and returned the engagement ring. (He proposed already but I told him no wedding untill I get done with NYSC)I cried all through the night and even blamed GOD.Only for the next day which was a Sunday I had almost 30 missed calls from hubby.I didn't pick o was feeling ashamed.He came to the house in the evening and I pretended everything was fine in the presence of my siblings.we went into his car and he started crying telling me how he loves me and even with what he heard he doesn't feel bad.I was shocked o.I asked him if he was sure and he said yes besides he was actually thinking on moving from that apartment soon as he wouldn't want his brothers to live with us after marriage.I got my engagement ring back and I was so happy.
    It's been 7 years of marital bliss with 2 kids and hubby has never for one day said any mean words to me.Sometimes I wonder what I did in my former life that makes me deserve such a good man.
    So bvs that is how my past almost spoilt my life then.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Anon19:30,you are truly blessed

    ReplyDelete
  45. I finally charged my phone with generator.

    See stories
    It is well with marriages.
    We should all train our children well so that they will not have dirty pasts that they would be afraid of telling their spouses.
    My own is that family problems own. I told my ex husband some things about my family, he used it to abuse me so much. Also, there was this sick man in our family house when we wanted to get married, he had mental issues. Ex used that one too to abuse me and made me cry so much. He would say mental illness runs in our family that I have it and he prays I don't transfer it to the kids. So pls people, in such cases where you have a kolo person in the family, lock the crazy relative up in a faraway place so visitors don't see him/her when they visit your family house.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Wow.
    Women are really good at giving themselves bad advice.
    Just know we men are watching and taking notes. Let me see the girl that would come and complain that her husband had kids before he met her but didn't disclose.. He was keeping the past in the past like you said.. so abeg take it in good faith.

    For someone like me, the 2 thing I hate more than a bad news is finding out myself or being the last to know.

    Just know everything that happens in the dark would still come to light, so you had better keep your past slate clean, instead of thinking you'll hide it from him, not all men are as dumb as you think. Merely looking at a naked lady, I'll know if she has done abortion or not, I can also tell a lady that has given birth before, to crown it all, I can tell when one is lying just by looking at certain movements of your body .. so make una dey deceive yourself..

    Ps.. if you decide to lie, make sure you're never caught cos some people would never trust anything you say again, plus they'll start to think back to the past and reevaluate everything you had told them before.

    If you don't want to discuss something, just say you would rather not discuss it instead of lying. I hate lairs with passion. Lying to me is insulting my intelligence. That's calling me a fool albeit subtly.
    May God help us.

    Blessings

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. People like you always end up marrying the worst pretenders.

      KING XOXO MYSTERY

      Delete
  47. I used to think that my husband man is a saint regarding the aspect of using what you told him to cause you but recent happenings has opened my eyes that am now realizing that i don't know whom i was married to,

    Example of such was :when i told him about someone who wanted to get a job for me but on the condition that I'll sleep with him, the i disclosed this to him he never said a word, but recently he used it against me by saying that i can now go and use my body to do whatever i want because he knows I've been wanting to, chineke i was shocked, i never believed he could said that to the point of saying that he's tired of the marriage that am free to go, πŸ˜‚ the man don't know that am already exusted on this marriage matter

    ReplyDelete
  48. I think its important to discuss this at the beginning of the relationship...

    ReplyDelete

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