STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
USELESS HUSBAND
Dear SDK,
I am sorry to bother you with this but I just needed someone to say this to. I don't know why some hearts are so hard even towards their blood. I am separated from my hubby, I sent you a mail about it not too long ago but you didn't believe me and assumed I only wanted to paint him bad because I asked for financial aid.
Dear SDK,
I am sorry to bother you with this but I just needed someone to say this to. I don't know why some hearts are so hard even towards their blood. I am separated from my hubby, I sent you a mail about it not too long ago but you didn't believe me and assumed I only wanted to paint him bad because I asked for financial aid.
I quite understand your stand then and knew sometimes these matters are unbelievable coupled with all the the scams going on especially towards you.
How do I wrap my head around this, my ex forgetting all that has taken place in the past, does something yearly that is unforgivable. From the time I had my kids to now, they are 10yrs and 7yrs, he has only bought them two outfits which I had to squeeze out of him. We stay apart but I made him realise he can only lay claim to them if he takes care of them. He is to send N5K for their upkeep every week. He fails to do this and sometimes every two weeks and nothing more. You can't call him that they are sick and need medical care.
How do I wrap my head around this, my ex forgetting all that has taken place in the past, does something yearly that is unforgivable. From the time I had my kids to now, they are 10yrs and 7yrs, he has only bought them two outfits which I had to squeeze out of him. We stay apart but I made him realise he can only lay claim to them if he takes care of them. He is to send N5K for their upkeep every week. He fails to do this and sometimes every two weeks and nothing more. You can't call him that they are sick and need medical care.
You can't call him that they need change of clothes, their clothes are worn out. This is someone who didn't send them any money last two weeks and when I asked my daughter to ask him during a phone call, he told her he is owning banks for the loan he took for business.
I forgot to mention that he was a Christian at the time we got married but changed to Islam in the fourth year of our marriage because he said non of his siblings have followed their father in his faith and he wants to make his dad happy. I had no control over it but I told him his reason was trivial. Religion is personal so I didn't drag it with him.
Now every year since then, he will leave all responsibilities to kill a ram and same has happened this time. I am so sad in the choice of husband I made. He doesn't even care, he knows my daughter sometimes chat with him on whatsapp with my phone. last sallah He updated his status with the picture of his ram being killed and dressed up in his Sallah's best and he doesn't know or care whether his kids are in rags. My heart is heavy. God knows I am not lying.
Now every year since then, he will leave all responsibilities to kill a ram and same has happened this time. I am so sad in the choice of husband I made. He doesn't even care, he knows my daughter sometimes chat with him on whatsapp with my phone. last sallah He updated his status with the picture of his ram being killed and dressed up in his Sallah's best and he doesn't know or care whether his kids are in rags. My heart is heavy. God knows I am not lying.
This is someone I told we needed to pay for the children online school fees and he shouted he doesn't have money for any online fees, we are still owing part of their 2nd term school fees. Thank God in a way Covid break helped to ease off the pressure from the school.
How can he put money together to buy a ram which is nothing less than N80k or N100K with other things they will put together for Sallah but have the heart to tell his daughter he can't send their feeding allowance yet because he is owing banks, it will have to wait? How can he buy outfits for Sallah when he doesn't clothe his children? How can he call for a party when he has unfulfilled responsibilities to his children? I don't know much about Islam because I'm a Christian but I know Sallah is not a do or die affair and Islam preaches taking care of your house.
How can he put money together to buy a ram which is nothing less than N80k or N100K with other things they will put together for Sallah but have the heart to tell his daughter he can't send their feeding allowance yet because he is owing banks, it will have to wait? How can he buy outfits for Sallah when he doesn't clothe his children? How can he call for a party when he has unfulfilled responsibilities to his children? I don't know much about Islam because I'm a Christian but I know Sallah is not a do or die affair and Islam preaches taking care of your house.
My ex is busy partying and feeding people today while he doesn't know what his kids are eating for the day. That is just not fair.
I wish I made a better choice but I am on a path to restore my life. I'm sorry if I have disturbed you in anyway but crying and letting the frustrations out has helped. God bless you for your compassionate heart.
I wish I made a better choice but I am on a path to restore my life. I'm sorry if I have disturbed you in anyway but crying and letting the frustrations out has helped. God bless you for your compassionate heart.
*You need to get a job and stop waiting for him to feed the Children....Yes he has a responsibility to provide for his kids and SO DO YOU!!....
So if he dies tomorrow wont you live?
Women when you get married please something to do so that when all goes South,you can find food to eat....
Please the time you spent monitoring him and what he does,use it to be productive please...He has decided to move on without performing his duty as a father but you can also step into his shoes and provide for your kids....
Try and get a Job,even if it is a cleaner Jb please..
Good luck!!!
Men from that part of Nigeria are the worst people to entangle with!..
ReplyDeletePoster,if I were you,I will stop bothering him..
Infact,I will stop the WhatsApp conversation with the children..
Hope you are not one of those people cursing out Tonto!..
This is exactly her situation but guess what?she is giving her son the best!...
But how do you know the part of the country he is from? Poster Stella has said it all.
DeleteAh Rosie, you don't know the part? It's that part where 1 son decides to switch religions in order to please the father now...
DeleteMadam pls try get a job. God will see your through.
DeleteMadam pls try get a job. God will see your through.
DeleteNa Yoruba men way be this. Born everywhere for the women to train. They have exceptions but, the are not good for marriage. Madam work hard to take care of your kids. This one no be chronicle for Yoruba women.
DeleteSDK chaaiiiii your comment is a bit hashhhh
DeleteMadam Kpele 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Thanks Lillysimple .
DeleteStella, she is in Nigeria and getting a job is like waiting for a ship at the airport unless you know someone. Ask her if she's ready to work and ask if anyone have a job for her.
I pray no one find themselves in her shoes. I have heard of people (not seen) who went through this and did something stupid with her kids.
Dear Poster, this is the time for you to make the most of yourself for that is all there is for you
ReplyDelete😮😳 Hers is a husband that's totally useless and i pray that God be kind to you in your endeavors.It be nice you follow Stella's advice too
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a trouble maker, you didn't tell us why you both seperated but you are giving him condition to lay claim on his kids.
ReplyDeleteSomething is wrong with you madam, tell us about yourself or shut the hell up .
You have choose to take responsibility or your kids, get a damn job to fulfill that.
I will wait till I hear from your husband before I can blame him.
don seriously you have to learn how to air your opinion without insulting posters haba na.
DeleteThere are millions way to say your mind without being rude and insultive...what you typed up there to the poster is wrong in all ramifications..people who send this type of chronicles are not always in a good place saying this type of thing to them would only add to there woes.
Don please I beg you retrace your steps.
DeleteYou see this life? Its very funny and can mess up even the strongest, wisest, most careful.
Please try to show empathy to people even when it seems they are the architect of their own misfortune.
Don't let life humble/mess you up. I have seen it happen to people like you. Do you even have control over your life, the air you breathe, your body functions, etc
What if you try to breathe and can't? You see this life? Ejighi ya eme onu. Your stance on issues most times make me pity you.
Well, a word they say is enough for the wise
Don,my prayer for you is life should teach you a big lesson. Thinking from an anus and talking as if you have no sin in you is seriously wrong.
DeleteYou have always talk people into sadness, claiming you have authority to your opinion. Is jobs in Nigeria all corners of the country? Are you that blind that you don't see people are so ready to earn a living but no job opportunities. Please stop talking down on people with a broken heart already. Mr perfect life!!!
This is the first time am causing out somebody on this blog but your comment has really angered me today.
Poster may GOD bless you with opportunities that will change your life for good and also help people passing through similar situation like yours.
Stella please my release comment.
I honestly want to insult the living daylight out of you but guess what? You don't worth it at all.
DeleteGod Bless you anons .
DeleteThank you for this !!
Don you sure need to chill .
Poster Stella has said it all, since your ex doesn't give a fuck about his children please get something doing and take care of your children.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow you will be the one to enjoy those kids, stop monitoring him. If possible block him and stop your daughter from chatting with him since nothing good is coming from his end only hurt. Before I forget have you reported him to his family, your family, his imam.
I pray God will give you Solomon's wisdom.
Don't stop him from talking to his child o. I will never advise any woman to block access to their children. When they grow up, they WILL look for their father and resent their mother regardless of how their father had treated her.
DeletePlease have multiple streams of income, multiple hustle, so you money coming in one way or the other
DeleteLook for which father 😏🙄, my mother took care of 7 children all by herself. I am over 40 and my father I believe should be almost 90 and tbh I don't know anything about him but wish him all the best.
DeleteQueen queen well said.
ReplyDeleteIt’s sad and I know how you feel. The earlier you accept your fate and move on the better for you. Delete him o n your social media handles, work Harder. And be more prayerful. May you live To eat the fruit of your labour.
ReplyDeletePoster, do not let bitterness consume your heart. At least you people are separated, what about my own mom? My dad was in the house refusing to take care of his responsibilities for all his children, but used his money to pay for school fees for boarding school in America for his nieces and nephews. Some men are just irresponsible, what has happened has already happened don't waste time in regret.
ReplyDeleteMOVE ON. Get a good life going for yourself. You have skills, put them to use. Get a job and start a side business. If you're in Nigeria, there's market for everything, do you make delicious moin moin, start packaging it and selling. Do you know how to sew, start sewing RTW ankara dresses on Instagram be different sef, sew for kids alone. Are you into writing? start a blog focused on children and parents. Whatever it is, get to work, God will bless your hands and enlarge your coast. It's by his grace that we're alive today, so live.
Your dad must have been manipulated spiritually
DeleteSorry pls find job and take care of your children
ReplyDeletePoster this happens most times when the man is from a Muslim background and the woman is from a Christian one. You know why I say so? Cos that is how the man’s polygamous father raised them, each mother looked after her children while the man runs away from responsibilities. His mother did this so he doesn’t know why you can’t. They marry Christian sisters cos they look for someone from a better background than theirs. And you know how I know so? Cos my husband is the same and I only realised after marriage that he converted to Christianity just to marry someone like me (I thought the kingdom of God gained a soul when he gave his life) but he reverted back to Islam after our first child was born 15 years ago. He never brings much out for the children and he only gives towards their education/well being grudgingly while he displays wealth in his extended family. I try my best for my kids with what God blesses me with and thank God my kids are Christians and he isn’t compelling them to be Muslims. Na me and you carry our hand marry Muslim and young girls are still doing so. Pls don’t tell me Tinubu, Fashola etc married Christians if you don’t know what their wives are going true. And yes it happens in Christian marriages too but more often when you marry across religion cos the way people are raised determines a lot about who they are except they consciously change a wrong, they may always repeat history
ReplyDeleteMadam calm down. Have you been to Muslim homes to see how they raise their children? Most Muslims are very responsible parents while some poor people in this country are reckless parents, it cuts across religions and ethnicity. The Arewa kids tensioning twitter are mostly from Muslim homes and schooled abroad so madam carry your baggage without dragging Muslims into it. Men all over are as irresponsible as they choose to be. So don't tag Muslim men alone. You married the wrong man and from your tone, check it if you are not the one who had bad taste for men or even the one whose behaviour broke the marriage.
DeletePoster so sorry for your situation..but as Stella rightly said,get something doing so you can take care of the kids..stop all communication with him and don't monitor him anymore! Praying God comes through for you and the kids 🙏
ReplyDeleteStella has been saying this for the longest time and I agree with and applaud her. Maybe cos she's abroad and understands. Women as much as possible, please find your own feet. Men always do and they help each other as well to be financially free. Get that degree, get a job, learn a skill, gather experience. Whether single or married, empower yourself. Make use of opportunities. It will make you proud someday, I promise you. Of course love your partner but put God first and make him your God in everything. He will bless your decisions and crown your hustle with success. So that if heartbreaking situations come up, you will still have joy and still have money.
ReplyDeleteIf its abroad he must pay for child support. There are still many stay at home women or single moms abroad mind you
DeleteReal useless Husband..i dont know how some men can be so heartless towards their children. Poster get something doing and blank the useless man
ReplyDeleteThis is so sad.
ReplyDeleteMadam, your ex husband has denied you, the kids
and above all, God. The fact that he can take care of
them, but does not is what God hates.
But then, you are the Christian and not him. You have
to persevere. You have to work with your hands. Even when you
are asking for money, ask for money with the mind of investing it
in a business to be self sustaining, you and your kids.
Please, ladies in marriage, look beyond what the man has
look at what his character is like.
😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
Take his case to welfare in your state so that he’s made to pay regular child support.
ReplyDeleteYou can’t force him to have affection for his kids, but he should at least be responsible for them financially.
Do your bit also, it will not be easy but you’re their mum and they’re you and your husband’s responsibility.
Sensible contribution
DeleteThat's is not a father but a social nuthead. No true father will leave his children without still playing his own part in their lives. That bring said, I often wonder what people bring into a relationship dito marriage. I remember when my father asked my elder sister who was intent on getting married, that what was she taking into her marriage? By the time she finished rabbling, my father told her to go and get her life together first before thinking of marriage. That she needed a measure of financial maturity and be equipped. That what he sees in our generation are relationships predicated on partnership.
ReplyDeleteIt is wrong to put the family load on a man, the woman also has a vested responsiveness in it. The reality of today's world is that our men have settled into a lifestyle of joint effort. Except he has enough and does not encourage her contribution. Even at that, as women, we must and should be able to equally take care of our families when life happens. It's not fair depending on the man, this is one of the offshoot of such dependence.
Poster, try and get yourself going, I know it's not easy, especially considering as the world just changed. That husband of yours is telling you to let go the kids for him to take care. But since you want to have them, it's important you earn it. Stella has told you the plain truth there is. Go get yourself busy, it will not be easy o. But theres this joy in paying your own bills, that no one can actually explain well enough. I think we've turned relationships into a commodity market where a party is selling and another is buying. And when the transaction goes south, the dependant cry's foul. Whereas, the other party sees you only as an item because you brought nothing into the relationship.
Majority of the single ladies are mostly independent woman, and there's a good reason for that - most men are afraid to be in a committed relationship with them. Because majority of us independent women cannot be messed with. As such, when it is not going well and both parties go there separate ways, we don't flinch at the responsibilities so faced with. Because we have been use to doing them way before the Advent if such sperm donors.
Forgive me though, I think you set yourself up in the relationship to be abused. Be a woman and fend for yourself, you are not the millionth neither will you be the billionth. May God give you an easier way out of this.
“ my father told her to go and get her life together first before thinking of marriage. That she needed a measure of financial maturity and be equipped“.
DeleteYour father is wise. One cannot emphasize financial independence enough especially for women. Have something doing or genuine prospects for financial independence before going into a marriage. Do not settle for a man that will stifle your quest to always aim high or better yourself. One can lose her job...life may happen but while you still have that job or business, invest in genuine ventures. Besides, you will still have your education/skills etc to fall back on. It is not just about getting married. Invest in yourself so that if God forbid the chips are ever down, you will still thrive. Your spouse will know that with or without him, you’ll still live. In all, hold on to God like your life depends on him cause it sure does.
Girl your comment is spot on! Follow this advice. They are your kids too and your responsibility
DeleteSmart advice Ebony.
DeleteJust ignore him nd look for something to do,i knw it is not easy,you can accept money or gift for his children ,anytime he wish to do so..but in other word,these kind of men are in stella single nd searcing looking for there next victims.oda koburu.
ReplyDeletePoster, please pick the pieces of your life and move on. Bad husband's drag you down and make you sad and depressed.Forget him, get a job and take care of your kids. Enjoy your life, go out and socialise
ReplyDeleteIt can be very painful when your baby daddy is n irresponsible man. But like my godmother did, she acted like the man was dead to she and her kids. When the man finished enjoying life, he tried to come into the children’s lives and they disgraced him thoroughly. If she bought clothes or food she won’t pretend like he contributed. She won’t force visits to his family house or bother praising him. Her children saw how hard working she was and have built her a big house in asaba. The man is still here wearing gold chain and telling everyone she has turned his children against him. Wedding time the children insisted that their maternal uncle who also contributed to their welfare walk them down the aisle. After the first wedding he didn’t go for the others. All children are doing very well in life.
ReplyDeleteFace your children and ignore him. It may be painful but if he was dead won’t you survive? If he wants to resume fatherly duties calculate his bill and let him pay up before he comes near the kids. That’s the only way he will learn. Some men have that wrong mentality that they can claim children at anytime because they are the fathers. The world is changing and children are becoming more bold by the day. An irresponsible parent has no right to the children.
Thank you Anonymous. Very good analysis
DeleteVery true!15:49pm
DeleteGod bless your godmother's children. They have sense. Not like someone I know who was resenting his mother because he didn't grow up with his dad, ignoring the fact that the man was so bad the woman had to take children and leave
Delete15:49 concise. I pray help comes your way through this trying times.
DeleteLovelace
Absentee father, hope he will realise his mistakes and makes amend....
ReplyDeletePoster, sorry for your trouble. I pray God's help come for you. Please, start something to sustain you and your kids....
Most men are very reluctant to provide for their children in the custody of their ex-partners to spite the ex and because they believe the ex feed from the support.
ReplyDeleteAnimals are better than such " men"
DeleteWoman, wake up from your moaning bed and take responsibility. I understand that he is a dead beat father but you are not better than him, if you have to wait for him to feed, cloth & attend to the medical needs of your children. I am not absolving him, but I truly wonder why you also can't take care of your children. Please find something to do and be productive. You are actually recounting all these because you also can't provide for the children. If you can, his acts will be dead to you.
ReplyDeleteWake up and take charge of your life. I wish I know you personally, I would have slapped you!!!😁
You have vex.
DeleteMabinu
Poster learn from anonymous 15.49s story
ReplyDeleteLove and light
You need to double your hustle and stop waiting for that man. He is clearly unreliable and Irresponsible. If he sends money for their upkeep, collect It, If he doesn't, don't ask.
ReplyDeleteThe kids aren't little anymore and I am sure they are taking note.
Try and forget he exists and stop letting him rile you up.
The Lord will provide for you and the children, amen.
Poster Stella has said it all, please pretend as if your ex husband is dead and start something to help you take care of your children. Stop your daughter from chatting with him for you to forget all about him, move on already like he doesn't exist and ask God for that little jar of oil he has blessed you with and you it to stand on your feet.Good luck as you progress in life.
ReplyDeleteHow many kids do you have and is it possible to let them stay with him. Maybe one of them or two .
ReplyDeleteWoman, those children arent your responsibilities. If you break your back for them, they will wake up to look for their absent father. Let them have a taste of their father while you go and build your life. If you take them tomorrow, they will appreciate you.
I have seen countless experiences of women break their backs for their children, one of them will either resent her or crave for the love of their absent parent.
The child is the product of both of you. He will be more responsible when they are with him. If not, they will appreciate you more when they are with you.
But you must find something to do, you must. Some Nigerian men do this after separation just to spite the woman. That is why you should get empowered as a woman. Dont be carried away. Some men hardly pay bills after separation or divorce. You can go to court to enforce your rights but that will take money.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Women have the number of children YOU CAN CARE FOR
DeleteDear Poster,I sympathise with you but after all said and done,you need to dust off yourself and move on,find something to do no matter how small to empower yourself financially,dont let the shame or fear of "what will people say" hold you back.Sending you love and light.
ReplyDeleteQueen I am merried to igbo man his own is worst like Stella said get something to do
ReplyDeleteThe best thing ehn, is that all married women should have a constant source of income ni o.
ReplyDeleteE get why o.
Na the Y be this.
Poster, please start taking care of those children by yourself, just pretend as if their dad is dead.
May you get a good source of income.
Tell yourself you are a widow and move on to take care of yourself and the children.
ReplyDeleteJesus will help you to succeed.
If you do nor want to call yourself a widow because you don’t want him to ‘’be dead’ , then tell yourself he is a widower.
You are dead to him.
Move on girl .
You will survive.
Forget him
Dear Poster please ignore him and get busy and you will see the happiness that will follow. Make sure you don't pretend about the situation to your children, let them know their father is irresponsible if you biy anything from them don't pretend it's there dad that bought it, call a spade a spade. It might not be easy but God will come through for you.
ReplyDeleteWe need to stop covering up useless behavior from foolish men
DeleteWe are not helping become responsible rather making them worse while living in deceit
Getting a job these days with all the degrees is not easy when a lot of people are loosing theirs. What's your qualification? What do you do for a living? Maybe she's working and the income is not enough. It's not easy to feed, cloth, pay house rent, school fees and other bills in this present day Nigeria, the man should be held responsible! The burden is too much for a woman to bear. May God send help your way poster.
ReplyDelete