Stella Dimoko Chronicles Of A Married Man - 3


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Sunday, December 20, 2020

Chronicles Of A Married Man - 3

One thing a man getting married need to always have at the back of his mind is that the whole marriage ceremony is for the woman and her family.

The woman can if she decides to, make it easy for you or make it worse.

 She can help tone down the expectations of her family member and help you cut down cost. If she decides to have her fairy tale wedding…my brother so help you God. When I see men fighting the bride’s family because of marriage list, I just shake my head. If the woman wants it easy for you, she will prevail on her family to do something. My father-in-law wanted a cow, and I had to get one.

So back to the provisional pastor’s question. Funny enough I am team “taste before you buy”.

Of course, we told the pastor the truth and expected the worse. We had to ask for God’s forgiveness and rededicate our lives to God one more time, with a promise not to do it again. Am sure you know what happened later…don’t look at me like that. What has been “seen” cannot be “unseen”. 

He did give his consent, prayed for us, gave his advice and further instructions about the types of wedding gown – no open-back and show-skin wedding gown; no pre-wedding pictures or any couple’s pictures on the souvenir, banner and no couple pictures on any items related to the wedding. They also took charge of registering the court wedding after we swore the affidavit. It took one year and six months in getting to this stage!

After all the stress of the process, I do commend the Redeemed church. They have such a system that if you are patient enough to follow; though it takes time; it’s a system that eventually works. Though in marriages, there are no guarantees.

So, I had to go back to my father in-law to agree on the dates for the introduction and the wedding. He point-blank told me he is not really interested in the introduction and said that I should pick a marriage date. And that whatever date we agree upon, the introduction shall be a week to the marriage, after all the marriage is the real “koko” not the introduction. All attempt to persuade him to give me some time to do introduction first and take some time to plan for marriage, he didn’t agree.

Here are his reasons for having such stand, he said he has seen many people do introduction and spend unnecessarily; and end up not coming back for the marriage and also the fear of “village people” from causing confusion after finding out you want to get married and using “African Magic” to make it not to happen.

At the end, that’s exactly what we did. The introduction took barely two hours. By the time late comers were arriving for the introduction, we were already done. 

That really saved me lots of unnecessary stress and drama.

Finally, people of God, marriage day finally came ooo!

 It was a roller-coaster of different emotions. One minute you are smiling, the next you are “boning”. Just when I i would try to enjoy the occasion one character would just come to my booth and you will hear “dem never give your office people food ooo”. Then came the couples dance and the drama of spraying money. At the end of the day… day break, day dark…marriage finish!

In concluding the marriage story, here are few lessons I learnt and I do hope upcoming couples planning for marriage can learn a thing or two from. Though there are no hard and fast rules; and what worked for me might not work for you.

 So here we go…

Before you decide to marry here in Africa, always remember that marriage is a family affair. So, when planning for marriages, always carry your family along. Work with them and respect their opinions and inputs. Though it is your marriage but your parents call the clubs and “meeting people”. So always remember that it is not just about you and your partner but it’s about the whole family.

The family of the bride decides what should happen
, who picks the “spray money”, who shares the food, drinks and souvenirs, the venue of the occasion and all the little details. As a wise man, always let them have the final say, the wedding is for them. Also, as the man, try to appeal and calm to your own family to understand with your in-laws. The occasion, like I said before, is for them.

Always remember that you are the one getting married
. Learn to enjoy the occasion. I have seen people getting married and never took a minute to enjoy the occasion. They are worried about who has not eaten, how the occasion is not going as planned, one issue or the other. So, my advice is as soon is the occasion start, just sit down in your couple canopy and forget about all the wahala. When it’s time to dance, dance like a mad man. If the guests don’t eat, they will eat in their houses.

You will never get a perfect wedding ceremony
, so stop wearing out yourself trying to pay attention to every little detail. Wedding ceremonies especially in Nigeria are very complicated and anything can happen. Don’t try to control everything, delegate some duties, ask for help and always remember that money doesn’t make things happen, people do.

I will not advise you whether to spend much or borrow money
or do an extravagant ceremony or not. It’s your choice but always do what works for you and what will make you happy. Never mind the naysayers. If you want a fairytale wedding and can afford it. By all means go ahead and do it.

Finally, always remember the ceremony is a one-day event but the marriage is for a lifetime. Do not let the mistakes of one day affect a lifetime.

 Be smart.

So, wedding ceremony finally ended and I took my wife to the hotel…I know, I know you want to hear the bedtime stories. I’m not telling…

People of God! Can you imagine I woke up the next morning after the wedding to a call from my father-in-law that the marriage is over that I should come and collect my bride price! That is to say the marriage is over less than twenty-four hours later!

I will be back with “tales of the honeymoon”


*Why did your father in law ask you to collect your Bride price?


  1. See gist. Patiently waiting for next week. Poster you're very good writer

    1. I'm anxiously waiting for next week my dear

  2. Ha!!! You have to tell oooo. This suspense is too much.

  3. Interesting!!!My God's grace, my marriage is taking place next year and I really learnt a few things here. My question is-is it compulsory to go to the village for traditional marriage if one's dad is late. I really do not want to do that, as I do not relate well with my father's family after his death. My plan is a very small family and friends affair.

    1. @Sozaya
      There should be a close relative/representative of your father who should receive the bride price.
      After that, go with your husband wherever you wish.

    2. Carry prayer sew abgada o, because they will try u. U can go to ur village and meet with ur father's kinsmen, anyone u think is better and approachable, tell him ur intentions, ask for d requirements. Be careful not to reveal much, after all d arrangements, at d last moment, give them a surprise by telling them its just a palour things. Else, they will surprise u first. Whatever u do, hide ursef and ur husband. Dont show them how successful u are

    3. Is your mother alive? Do you have an elder brother or an uncle you getting with. I gt married in 2006 and did not go to the village. My dad is late but my mum is alive. So my mum and elder brothers where able to convince the villagers to come do the rite in the city as d white wedding was the next day. Good luck in whatever you decide.

    4. Truth is your mum should be the one to meet with your paternal family and not you else they will do you shege but you know what God pass them so take it to God in prayers. Tell them na money for parlor arrangements dey. My aunt doesn't have a good relationship with her in-laws but she chopped enough insults and did only indoor for the traditional. The white wedding in the city was lit and she made sure of it.

    5. Sozaya,

      I am in the same boat as you. I did my traditional marriage in my family house in the city and didn’t have to go to the village. Fortunately , the head of the umu nna or whatever they are called , in addition to some other folks are close to my mum and they gave her tips on how to do it in the city. My husband paid his dues as requested, the money was sent to the village , food was cooked for them, everyone enjoyed and celebrate. Story long Abeg. I no fit type. In all, find a close person in the village that can assist you.

    6. Thank you all. I appreciate your inputs and would take note of all.

  4. Oga come and gist us why your father in-law has requested that you come for your bride price πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜πŸ˜‰πŸ˜

    See sweet gist

  5. I love love this column❤️
    Please come back and finish up😁
    Why would byour father-in-law ask you to collect your bride price back nau

  6. These days marriages collapse like a pack of cards.

  7. Poster you are good at explaining things. Really enjoy reading it all.

  8. Lol. My own wedding day,my SIL insulted my mom over rice that eventually got spoilt,smh. I'm still angry anytime I think about it despite my hubby apologizing profusely for his I gave her long silent distance,no more niceness from me.

  9. This is so interesting.. Can't wait for the honeymoon gist

  10. Wedding can be very stressful, a lot of people will just be angry with u for nothing. My friends said I didn't dance specially with them during my Wedding, that i was forming for them. My sister inlaw said I asked her why she came very late, towards d of reception o, that somebody they just married into d family now now is askingher question ha. Me that was so stressed out, i lost my jewelleries and was so absentminded, I didn't even remember to eat from morning till about 9pm after the whole Wedding things. Even my sister too was angry that we didn't recognised her. Some vendors too will just make u to start crying when they disappoint u.Me just tire for Wedding o. D stress was so much that Wedding night was so dramatic. Its just something else. Story for another day!

    1. Kikikikikiki na de wedding night story me Awon hear. 😁

  11. I find this column very interesting.

  12. I love it here. You're really a good story teller and so detailed. Can't wait for the next episode.

  13. Good question Stella, after collecting cow you have home?
    In my own family bride price is almost nothing.
    Once we settle the village family demands then you are good to go.
    You pay, mother & father's money, and daughters 's money. Then you are good to go. Even if you don't want any party at all, just carry your wife and go.
    My immediate family don't want all the party noise and celebration, all we do is make your bride look her best on the D day,prepare meal(entertainment which my father usually paid for) then you provide everything asked from you. My family isn't interested in stressing any young man. They are more interested in the standard of life their daughter is going to live in your house.
    Then you go to court and make it formal. Finish.
    Now that my father is no more, when I will be getting married, we won't be having any party at, no village family involvement, bye bye to village people, their wahala too much, we will just do an intro and pay the bride price all proceed to court wedding.

  14. I gues you you didn't go for Sunday. Thanksgiving service.Because. Of the. Other. room action πŸ˜† 😁

  15. Wedding! Wedding! The truth is just lock up and enjoy yourself. No matter how things turn out, you don marry, finish!

    And never allow the aftermath of the wedding to ruin your marriage, whatever happened at the wedding stays at the wedding. Learn your lessons and start your marriage on a clean slate.

  16. I had a quiet wedding.I told hubby I prefer he establish big for me after wedding.He said no problem.Working on it

  17. Interesting. I follow asked why did your father in-law told you to come and collect your bride price? Reason best known to him. We move till further notice in Governor Wike's Vioce.

  18. Very interesting column.i can't wait for the next gist.

    The stress in wedding no be here o,me I don't even like watching my wedding video.i was just frowning,even the pastor noticed and said he won't give us certificate until I simle.How can I smile when I realized I was getting married to an "it is well" husband.Before wedding,if I asked abt drinks he'll tell me don't worry God is involved.what abt food,don't worry God is involved..raskabobobobo.he will even join speaking in tongues to it.
    My people on wedding day,still no drinks,and my olofofo bridesmaid instead to keep quiet,she came to the church and told me "babe Dem never bring drnks o". My mind just spoiled.she'll run out to go and see another thing she'll come and tell me.i started asking myself y I picked her,she was just a kill joy.
    Thank God after every every hubby's friends mobalised themselves and bought drinks.I was very angry that day..he was busy telling me"I told u God will do it, didn't faith doesn't fail me". Mtcheeew,after he has spoiled my day.

    1. Ewoooooo! Thank God it ended well. I avoid my wedding video because of d cake. I bow my head when I saw d cake. Even a birthday cake will look better, yet it was done my a supposed professional. Abeg leave wedding gist face marriage. Lol

  19. Hope you Father In-las will equally return back the cow πŸ„ he collected, as he has demand you come take back your bride price.

    1. I think it is symbolic of saying he is not selling his daughter. That poster should take care of the daughter very well. He must have meant well. Till next episode to see if I am right.

  20. Seems they are from the South South cos I know of a lady that they paid bride price and after the wedding they returned the bride price to the man.Not like it’s cos of any bad thing. But the odd thing is that after a year and half, the marriage packed up and when I asked what will happen to the bride price, I was told they returned it immediately they had the wedding. So no one owes anyone anything.

  21. Na the fault of who go begin find wife in this Buhari economy. I no do. I no be human? Make woman kukuma come marry me too


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