Chronicles Of A Married Man - 3

One thing a man getting married need to always have at the back of his mind is that the whole marriage ceremony is for the woman and her family.

The woman can if she decides to, make it easy for you or make it worse.

 She can help tone down the expectations of her family member and help you cut down cost. If she decides to have her fairy tale wedding…my brother so help you God. When I see men fighting the bride’s family because of marriage list, I just shake my head. If the woman wants it easy for you, she will prevail on her family to do something. My father-in-law wanted a cow, and I had to get one.

So back to the provisional pastor’s question. Funny enough I am team “taste before you buy”.

Of course, we told the pastor the truth and expected the worse. We had to ask for God’s forgiveness and rededicate our lives to God one more time, with a promise not to do it again. Am sure you know what happened later…don’t look at me like that. What has been “seen” cannot be “unseen”. 

He did give his consent, prayed for us, gave his advice and further instructions about the types of wedding gown – no open-back and show-skin wedding gown; no pre-wedding pictures or any couple’s pictures on the souvenir, banner and no couple pictures on any items related to the wedding. They also took charge of registering the court wedding after we swore the affidavit. It took one year and six months in getting to this stage!


After all the stress of the process, I do commend the Redeemed church. They have such a system that if you are patient enough to follow; though it takes time; it’s a system that eventually works. Though in marriages, there are no guarantees.


So, I had to go back to my father in-law to agree on the dates for the introduction and the wedding. He point-blank told me he is not really interested in the introduction and said that I should pick a marriage date. And that whatever date we agree upon, the introduction shall be a week to the marriage, after all the marriage is the real “koko” not the introduction. All attempt to persuade him to give me some time to do introduction first and take some time to plan for marriage, he didn’t agree.

Here are his reasons for having such stand, he said he has seen many people do introduction and spend unnecessarily; and end up not coming back for the marriage and also the fear of “village people” from causing confusion after finding out you want to get married and using “African Magic” to make it not to happen.


At the end, that’s exactly what we did. The introduction took barely two hours. By the time late comers were arriving for the introduction, we were already done. 

That really saved me lots of unnecessary stress and drama.


Finally, people of God, marriage day finally came ooo!

 It was a roller-coaster of different emotions. One minute you are smiling, the next you are “boning”. Just when I i would try to enjoy the occasion one character would just come to my booth and you will hear “dem never give your office people food ooo”. Then came the couples dance and the drama of spraying money. At the end of the day… day break, day dark…marriage finish!


In concluding the marriage story, here are few lessons I learnt and I do hope upcoming couples planning for marriage can learn a thing or two from. Though there are no hard and fast rules; and what worked for me might not work for you.

 So here we go…

Before you decide to marry here in Africa, always remember that marriage is a family affair. So, when planning for marriages, always carry your family along. Work with them and respect their opinions and inputs. Though it is your marriage but your parents call the clubs and “meeting people”. So always remember that it is not just about you and your partner but it’s about the whole family.

The family of the bride decides what should happen, who picks the “spray money”, who shares the food, drinks and souvenirs, the venue of the occasion and all the little details. As a wise man, always let them have the final say, the wedding is for them. Also, as the man, try to appeal and calm to your own family to understand with your in-laws. The occasion, like I said before, is for them.



Always remember that you are the one getting married. Learn to enjoy the occasion. I have seen people getting married and never took a minute to enjoy the occasion. They are worried about who has not eaten, how the occasion is not going as planned, one issue or the other. So, my advice is as soon is the occasion start, just sit down in your couple canopy and forget about all the wahala. When it’s time to dance, dance like a mad man. If the guests don’t eat, they will eat in their houses.



You will never get a perfect wedding ceremony, so stop wearing out yourself trying to pay attention to every little detail. Wedding ceremonies especially in Nigeria are very complicated and anything can happen. Don’t try to control everything, delegate some duties, ask for help and always remember that money doesn’t make things happen, people do.



I will not advise you whether to spend much or borrow money or do an extravagant ceremony or not. It’s your choice but always do what works for you and what will make you happy. Never mind the naysayers. If you want a fairytale wedding and can afford it. By all means go ahead and do it.


Finally, always remember the ceremony is a one-day event but the marriage is for a lifetime. Do not let the mistakes of one day affect a lifetime.

 Be smart.

So, wedding ceremony finally ended and I took my wife to the hotel…I know, I know you want to hear the bedtime stories. I’m not telling…

People of God! Can you imagine I woke up the next morning after the wedding to a call from my father-in-law that the marriage is over that I should come and collect my bride price! That is to say the marriage is over less than twenty-four hours later!

I will be back with “tales of the honeymoon”


Caio!



*Why did your father in law ask you to collect your Bride price?