Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Saturday In House Gists - Growing Up In An Abusive Environment

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Saturday, December 12, 2020

Saturday In House Gists - Growing Up In An Abusive Environment

Are you an adult that grew up in an abusive environment?
Did all the abuse you witnessed/experienced have any effect on you now?




What kind of abuse did you suffer and how is it affecting you and your environment now?

Lets gist!

107 comments:

  1. Hmmm......we were just so confined to the house. We were not allowed to mix or make friends in the neighborhood. It has affectede that i hardly socialize or make friends, even though i like it but i know am extremely withdrawn.

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    1. We are in this together Miss Ess,I’m anti social.

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    2. My parents are the most toxic people I have met in my life.. sigh! I grew up in a very toxic and unhappy environment. Unfortunately we the children are taking after that. I am seriously trying to detach myself from that toxicity and I pray everyday that I will be a much better parent/partner to my children and spouse. I am not blaming anyone for my failures, but i can trace almost all my failures to my family. The negativity is too much! By God's grace, I fought to make something out of my life.

      I really want to have a happy home and I want my children to be very happy and not regret the family they came from. My parents are old now, but yet they still bicker, keep malice, domestic violence, emotional violence and act childish! So tired. My dad called me one day to complain as usual, and I banged the phone on him. If at this age, they can't get their acts together, then it's better that I keep my distance.!Mtcheew.

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    3. My husband is a product of two neighbourhood teenagers affair. They moved on and left him with his granddad and later relatives. He was maltreated and verbally abused especially by his father. They often told him he could amount to nothing and condemned everything he did. He struggled through school by himself just yo prove them wrong. Today he has a great job, degrees, travelled wide and married eith children. They don't believe it. Now he helps them. But i see the effects of all these on him. He gives tough love. Can't receive love. Almost has no emotions and was verbally abusive initially. He has changed and is getting better. Me on yhe other hand comes from a balanced, loving home. Tge gatred and pretence among my in-laws is irritating. I don't want my children near them. I have now witnessed the deep effects of verbal abuse.

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    4. (Continued from up):Also the verbal abuse has my husband always trying to please his people and seek their approval. Infact so many effects. The work I'm doing on him is enormous but i pray a lot for him. And make him feel highly valued. He's a great husband and father and a provider too

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    5. Well done and may the Lord continue to give you more grace anon 18:03.

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    6. God bless you ma'am.May the Lord continue to give you more grace@anon:18:03.

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  2. Most toxic people are a product of abusive relationship's

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  3. As a child, I grew up in a home with two narcissists. One was a malignant narcissist and other a covert narcissist. It was hell. Our neighbours often came to our rescue. I will remain unmarried until I have worked on all my issues. I would hate my future generations to rise up and curse me. Men and women please marry the one who makes you a better person for the sake of your children.

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    1. Infact eeeh! So many people know my parents and the family and toxic fighters and troublemakers. It is so embarrassing. I pray with the help of God that will children will bless God for bringing them into my family! I will try my best to never be like my parents in many things. They paid for fees, and fed me, but you see abuse- emotional, psychological etc, i still suffer it till this day. They are old now but haven't changed a bit

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    2. Sorry dearπŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

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  4. I didn't experience such, thank God. Let me read comments.

    It is well with those that are hurt or damaged due to any form of abuse or the other they might have experienced.

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  5. Food abuse, I was underfed and now I eat anything i sight. I went from lepa to orobo.

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    Replies
    1. Pele oh.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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    2. Sorry dear, I was also underfed as a result of scanty resources, but it helped me to be content. May you learn to live above that struggle

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    3. It's not funny... It's real some personal abuse their kids by not feeding them.

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    4. Anon what is funny? Even me it was food abuse and now it made me not to have long throat or eat in peoples house sef

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  6. Always wondered abt dis...im just happy i never experienced my parents fighting or even argueing while growning up. Im sure they did, but never infront of us.
    That is why in rltshps even a man shouting/cursing at me is not even in my vocabulary. Its not smthn i wld ever be okay with. The first time i heard a neighbour beating his wife,even d sounds comn from dere house was traumatizing to me.
    I had a guy askn me out yrs ago,soon as i noticed he was verbally abusive i was done, before beating starts. I hate toxic ppl and environments.

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    Replies
    1. Everything that concerns you is just always *so* perfect

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    2. Anon my life isnt perfect trust me,went through alot of bad relationships,iv been cheated on and all sorts and didnt particularly marry early. All my friends were already married with kids b4 my time finally came.

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    3. Beds and Roses my dear, just keep being u. Thank God for the present and future

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    4. Anno
      Leave her alone πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘ some people have some certain things easy in life.

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  7. I did not have freedom until I was in the university by then,it was too late I just wanted to do the catching up of everything I missed in my teen days and in the process I was just too wild. Everyone will look at me and judge me from my appearance some even be like "fine girl like this which kind hairstyle be this? Na wa oh" what this people did not know was that I was just trying to let loose. Some even used my appearance to demand for sex including lecturers when I saw it was becoming too much I just switched and started dressing even more maturely than my age. Looking back now I don't regret why my parents never allowed us to mingle it's like they knew that I wouldn't be curbed if they let me live the life I wanted to live and honestly I'm grateful.

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  8. When we were kids my mom and dad fought occasionally, like everywhere month they argue heartedly, while sometimes ilthey get physical. Money matter was mostly the bone of contention. Even when my mom was pregnant she said my dad once punched her and beat her up and said he is not the father of the unborn children,he took the first two kids,she packed and left.
    But later on she went back. The fight continued as usual.
    As kids & teenagers we were very scared of my father, sometimes my mom stood up to him, when they fought we cried and begged them to stop.
    It was a terrible situation for us.
    My mom knew how to defend herself most times with weapons that made my father withdraw maybe out of mercy or to avoid a messy situation, so I would say he still had some conscience.
    When our first born grow older he began challenging my father, gradually the occasional fights ended.
    I also saw some other couples fight in my teenage years and till present. My mom didn't enjoy her marriage, she always say she stayed because of us, she didn't want another woman to maltreat us because my father wouldn't have let her take us if they separated.
    Its scary, its all shades of wrong.
    But it didn't affect me that much,
    I know some marriages still work without fights, there is no perfect marriage and I know some other facts about marriage and I want to be happily married one day.
    We still had nice time growing up, some sweet memories.
    I loved my dad( blessed memory) still love him, I love my mom irrespective of their differences.
    I guess love for parents once it exist cannot be erased even when you have been through a lot.
    You have to be careful not to take rubbish in any marriage.
    I believe having to love someone and get to marry them is an achievement, even better if you are having a great married life.
    But if you have entered a marriage and it is not working leave, it doesn't mean you are a lover you achieved your goal but 'you can't die put'

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  9. Many damaged men and women are as a result of abusive relationship and family interference.

    As a parent,give your children the proper teachings they need. Let them to make choices for themselves. It hurts to see a mature man waiting for his mother to make decisions for him.

    It is not healthy at all. You as a mother say when or who your son or daughter will marry or associate with.

    Let them grow up , make mistakes and learn from it . #Mymummysay#mypapasay#mymamanogolikeam#mtchewww.

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  10. Growing up, My parents always fight. Mum had sharp mouth and Dad couldn’t control his temper. He always use his fist on her. We lived in face me i face you and I always feel embarrassed whenever they starts. The neighbours knew about it and we were laughingstock of the street. If only they knew how it affected me . I use to be very shy. I made up my mind never to tolerate any form of abuse from any man and allow my children witness what I witnessed while growing up. I thank God for giving me a man that hasn’t raised his hand on me and I also think before saying any hurtful words to him. We never argue in front of our children.

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  11. Most Nigerians grew up in abusive homes... sad but true..πŸ’”

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  12. Ha. I'm grateful for this topic.

    A friend of mine grew up in an abusive environment. His Dad was always beating him for the slightest thing. His dad is late now but he has no fond memory of his dad. Whenever he's speaking about his dad, it's always about the beatings he received from his dad. And now, he rarely shows emotions. The beatings hardened him. His girlfriend is always complaining that he's always emotionally unavailable. He always just wants to be on his own, in his own space.

    Please what can be done to help this kind of person.

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    Replies
    1. Show him lots of love, be patient with him and give him his books to ready that might be of help. If he doesn't mind seeing a therapist, he can do that too. It's well with him.

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    2. Let him see a psychologist.

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  13. Hmmm..I grew up in an extra toxic home,my parents were always fighting.My mum works so she's always moving out to rent an apartment for herself.whenever she leaves,my dad will prevent her from taking any of us (4kids). On one occasion she left,I and my younger brother were playing outside,she sneaked in with a taxi,she wispered my name,told me to come with my bro,na so we take follow her.we lied down flat in the taxi.na so she take carry us.infact the story plenty.

    I'm married now and thank God that he gave me a good hubby that has never raised his hands on me.so I promised to give my kids what my oarepar didn't give us cos they were busy fighting.

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  14. Reading comments made me sad may God heal those who has passed through this,now I am 101% thankful for my parents (may their souls rest in peace)they were the best and their legacies forever lives on.

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  15. Yes I did grew up with a mum who admitted she cant love her children equally and I was one of the ones least loved. As the last born my dad died when I was 12. No love from mum so i grew up by myself starting taking care of myself at an early stage. Now I leave far from my mum. Blocked her and my other siblings and I have better life now. I dont even wish to see her or my other siblings anymore am good without. Sometimes cutting of family totally is the best or they might end up killing u or frustrating the life out of you.

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    Replies
    1. Go for mental medical treatment bos yu are all shades of wrong

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  16. I grew up in a very toxic environment, my dad was an irresponsible and wicked human, he hated my mom and us. I am the last child of the family and my dad calls me bedbug,always telling me that I carry illuck from birth because he was sacked from work the day I was born. My mom was a teacher and opposite of my dad but weight of catering for 6 of us weighed her down,when my eldest brother finished secondary school, he didn't make his papers so my dad threw him out of the house and burn all his clothing. He became homeless at 17,sneaking inside the house in my dad's absence to eat or take his bath. My other brother took a bad turn and started stealing things like food or money cos we're always starving. My sister ran away a week after her waec to live with a relative because she failed only English, she was abused by the relative husband, she came back and dad burned her clothes and disowned her publicly. I caught my dad fucking our landlord's wife one afternoon I was sent away from school due to unpaid fees, he saw me and beat me with belt till passed out,I woke up with a swollen and painful vagina,I don't know what happened to me,if my dad sexually abused me or maybe he kicked me there. Of course I didn't tell mom because she may die due heart break. Eventually my two brothers till this day are no where to be found. My sisters relocated to another cities and both married useless men as my dad.my dad sleeps with my mom's sister and has a child with her. My brother was very
    intelligent but couldn't further his education because mom died and he ran away as well. I got married to a good man but I always shout at my kids ,my turbulent childhood has messed up my psyche. My husband gave my son the same name as my brother who ran away from home and became a thief, I kicked against but he's mind was made up, he didn't know about that my brother, although the name means everlasting light but can't help but fear that my son may turn out like my brother. I live in fear always and cry when I am hostile or too strict with my children. People applaud my children in the neighborhood and school as well behaved kids but whenever they play little children pranks or throw tantrums I become restless and start reminiscing my ugly past. I don't know if I should open up to my husband because we're worlds apart, his home was loving and peaceful. I am ashamed of my family and this has affected my social life in a bad way. I don't have friends or good relatives to go to. My evil dad is dead now and we're still suffering the consequences of his bad deeds. How do I overcome this fear that my kids may turn out bad when they're so intelligent, obedient with a loving and responsible dad.pls pray for me
    The last time I spoke to brother, I told him that my son bears his name,he cried and say that my son will bring the true meaning of his name to my family, infact he prayed for son.pls once again pray for me so that this fear will leave me

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    1. OMG!!! My heart breaks for you.

      This is part of the reason I never ever stop appreciating my parents even when people say I owe them nothing because it was their job. They didn't let out poor state get in the way of giving us the relative best.

      Really, how hard is it to be nice to ur family???

      Please remember how u felt when ur dad Maltreated u anytime u are going off on ur children. This may help u gradually to avoid that until it becomes normal.

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    2. OMG! This just broke my heart.πŸ˜₯ May God heal u dear.

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    3. Omg!πŸ˜₯πŸ’”
      I cried while reading your post...please be strong and optimistic,you will be fine my dear.
      Your children will continue to excel and make you proud.Your hubby will continue to love and respect you and you will never know pain again!Amen.πŸ™
      Please dont open up to your hubby concerning your traumatic experience,let it remain buried in your memory...let go and move on.It is well.
      E hugsπŸ™

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    4. OMG. So sorry.
      May all your kids bring you happiness in Jesus name.
      Affliction shall not rise againπŸ™πŸΎ

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    5. This is so sad to read. May the Lord heal your heart completely. Your children will turn out well and the Lord will grant you the grace to be a great mother to them in Jesus name. Amen

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    6. He raped you, your dad. He was a psychopath obviously. Chai! This is why one should do thorough research before marriage. This is war o!

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    7. almost cried ooo God what's this naaaa..

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    8. I'm so emotional rn

      Affliction shall not rise again.. And my heart goes out to your brothers, I pray they have a change of heart, live right and be fine. God!!

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    9. Whatever you do, keep that messy past BURIED. If you must talk to unburden, talk to a neural person e.g. a priest that is sworn to silence.
      May God light your path.

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    10. This broke me πŸ’” I'm happy your kids are well behaved. Pls don't be too hard on them and try to erase the past from your head

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    11. Maybe you should talk to a therapist who can help you sort out your pain. It is also possible your father raped you and your child's mind blocked out the memory because of the trauma. You are obviously still hurting. And how you feel is manifesting in negative ways like fear and aggression. My dear don't bury those feelings because they are killing you silently. You need to unburden them to a professional who can counsel you and help you work through how you feel. If you are a Christian or believe in God pour your heart out to God and ask Him to heal your brokenness and bring out the best in you. Ask Him to help you forgive and forget those who hurt you in the past. Ask Him to help your siblings wherever they are. Ask Him to bless your husband and kids. Always speak good words over your kids, bless them and encourage them. The tides have changed my dear and believe in your heart that you will not repeat the cycle of your parents. All will be well. Believe. Jabez in the Bible had a bad name, he didn't even change it but asked God to bless him and God answered. So don't worry about your son bearing your brother's name. Only tell your husband if you are sure he can bear it and encourage you. It depends on his level of maturity and love for you. You don't need anything hanging over your head through someone close to you, you already feel bad about yourself, so use your discretion.

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    12. OMG!!!!!!!!!
      I give you love ❤️ 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 and E-hugs

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    13. This broke my heartπŸ’” it's well with you 😘😘

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    14. Oh dear!This broke my heart.May God heal you dear.Your children will continue to excel and bring nothing but happiness.So sorry for what you have been through πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

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    15. I wish you see this poster, your story hurts me so much.
      Stella's blog is also a kind of therapy, atleast the advice we get here Sometimes are some of the things therapist do as well.I pray your fears be conquered, I am happy that you are conscious of your actions, please from now on,stop thinking about some things that happened in your childhood, just focus on the now.
      Love your children and partner with your husband to make them better.
      As for your brother, please see if there is any way you can help him,he might be what he is today but with the prayer you said he prayed for your son,he is still not that bad but circumstances.

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    16. Hm pls do not tell ur husband. Many Nigerian men are not mature and will use it against u in bad times. U really need to talk to a counselor. Someone that can guide u and let u know it’s really not ur fault. If u have money pls try to help out the brother that called u. It’s never too late to start life all over. Lastly poster ur father was a sociopath. It’s not ur fault at all. U have to learn not to blame urself. I wish I knew u so we can talk. I am actually a psychologist. Just take things easy and learn to live life one day at a time. Good luck.

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    17. We will pray for u but Hod awaits your done in faith and all will b well with family, Hod wants to use you and change you family and u need to release yourself to b as a vessel of honor to a lot of families hurtg and prevent such kind of damage to othersin it u will find healing

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  17. Stella please don't post if I'm not on anon mode.

    I grew up in an abusive home. It's not a palatable experience for any child because it always has negative effect. I try not to think too much about my childhood as I've blocked some parts off.

    Fortunately for us, the family members who because of their greed connived and made an image of my parents to face opposite direction so that they don't enjoy their marriage confessed- when all unravelled after series of prayers, it was like a movie from nollywood. Unfortunately, when we were starting to enjoy what a real family felt like, death came knocking...

    It had very negative effect on me as a child that I was always saying to myself that I'll never get married(sometimes I wonder if that's why I'm single till date and never really being in any relationship). I'm scared of commitment and scared to hurt the one I claim to love the way I saw my parents hurt each other and we the children.
    For a long time I was angry at myself and the world.... I still have those bouts of anger as an adult sometimes but I'm a work in progress.

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    1. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

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  18. I grew up in a house with domestic violence and every night, I dream my dad is beating my mother or about to beat her and I can't get to her fast enough to protect her. I wake up and for a moment, forget where I am then I realize it is a dream and my mother is now safe. Then I go back to sleep.
    I had low self esteem in my 20s.
    I am almost 40 years old. Still have the dream every night but my self esteem is good now.

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    1. This is really deep. You need a therapist. Those dreams are just there in ur subconscious. U are going to have to keep telling urself it’s over now. U just have to. Take a deep breath and live life as it comes. Good luck my dear

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  19. I grow up in a very abusive environment. Mum had only me. Dad married a second wife who was also pregnant when mum was 8 months pregnant with her second daughter. My mum sew hell. Dad was always beating our mum and us at at the slightest provocation. Several times mum took us and ran to our maternal home. He will come and beg and mum will take us back and get pregnant again and had 5girls. God bless my mums only brother. RIP uncle. He saw me through sec. Sch. Dad refused my mum to trade yet he established step mum in businesses. We hardly had food to eat. We only eat good food when mum goes to farm or weed on peoples farmland and they give her food. I happen to be the first child. I started hulking all manner of things to help mum feed us. I remember one day when my younger sister wanted to register for ssce and registration will end the next day. I was 18 then. I went to beg one of my dads friends to help us and he took advantage of my desperation. Dis-virgined me and gave me the exact amount. I came back in tears. Handed over the money to my mum. She woke me at midnight that day and spoke to me in tears. (Clears tears here). She vowed to take care of us by all means. I got admission into a poly. Got a wonderful place to do IT. Saved enough money that saw me through HND. During youth service. I served in a good place too. Found favour. Got job immediately. Became my mum and siblings 90% breadwinner. Built a house for mum and sisters that took them out of that heartbreaking family house. God has been so faithful to us. The abandoned girls are still the breadwinners of the home. Dad depends on us 100%. His second wife and his sons are grown and still lazing about in the village. Non finished secondary school. I gave two of them money for waec and they ate the money without registering for waec. All efforts by my dad for them to enter university was abortive. He tried for them to learn trade or hand-work. No way. I still support them as little as l can but each time l remember what they and their mum did to us . Oh Jesus. Our only crime was being females.
    I got married and left due to domestic violence. His beating took me down memory lane. I don't want to experience what my mum experienced due to dads constant beating.

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    1. Sorry about what you and your siblings went through!

      Good you left.. God bless you and yours ❤️

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    2. Thank God you turned out fine. God punish that man that took advantage of you

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    3. So sorry for everything you went through. Thank God for your family now.

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  20. I can't even begin to write my story and its effect.S for another day. It must end in praise.

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  21. I don't know how to write my story, mine was more emotional. It's just sad. I believe the stripes of Jesus for healing includes, emotional, psychological and mental health. May the Lord heal us all the only way He can.

    It is well..

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  22. These are all sad stories. I have my own bad and traumatic experiences growing up in my household.

    I pray for Complete healing upon all of us who are hurting one way or another.

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  23. Nigerian fathers God punish some of you. Smh

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  24. God bless you Stella and everyone that commented on this topic

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  25. Mine is more of emotional abuse which has affected me alot.. My parents are very strict, I did not grow up in an environment where one is free to walk up to your mum or dad and tell them how you feel or how your day went on school. Even if you have the courage to meet them and talk to them, they start comparing you with other kids especially cousins or your siblings.. I didn't like it at all.. At a very young age I always look forward to anything that would make me leave the house, weekends were the worst for me.. I didn't mind going to school even on Saturdays simply because I would meet my friends who I could relate with.. It got so bad that I wrote common entrance in pry 4,luckily I passed and left for boarding school at a very young age.. I was so happy, because I felt my parents did not love me.. They always compared me to my siblings ,from poor grades, to dressing, hygiene, chores, etc.. To the extent that my sister always follows my mum to the market for Christmas shopping, and would select clothes totally different from what I love to wear.. In my mum words, she would say, I don't know anything, I don't know what I want.. I was young, agreed but I knew what I wanted..
    I felt so detached from my parents due to favourtism amongst other siblings, I didn't like my siblings that much due to that.. I found solace staying alone, I was always by myself even in the house, I would go into the room and stay while others where watching TV or playing, simply because I didn't want to say something or do something that warrants comparison.
    I couldn't cope in boarding school and left in Jss2, I could not tell my parents the exact reason why I refuse to go back. They were just concentrating on my poor grades, meanwhile I was always sick in school, was bullied alot, seniors who were lesbians were always disturbing me, my clothes and provisions were stolen. All these affected me ..
    My parents are the type that would never see any good in what you say, they always castigate and criticize me alot.. Even when they give you room to speak, they do so to hear you out then criticize what you say, so what's the essence of talking..
    Now that I am much older, evry time it's same old story of when are you getting married, all your mates are getting married, even your juniors etc. They would be the ones to remind me how fat I am and look older than my age..
    I had to take a loan and rent an apartment far from home for the sake of my sanity,, I still visit them and bring gifts along but they are more concerned about marriage and age.. I forgot to add that when I was much younger , when I ever my Godmother gifts me clothes or shoes, mum will give it to my sister without my consent, when I react they would say I am disrespectful etc..
    In 2years I managed to get a job, I don't have any savings at all even for Christmas, all because I thought I could buy their love and affection by gifting them gifts and sending money home.. Now I know better, I would do the little I can and focus on myself more..
    This festive season is a time family members bond together but mine is a different case, because if I go home it's comparison, comparison and more comparison.
    It affected my personal life cos I keep to myself alot, I find it difficult to make friends and have never had a stable relationship.. I would never train my children the way I was brought up..
    Z. E

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    1. Being selfish is not a bad thing. Stop cheating yourself to please others

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  26. Mine is more of emotional abuse which has affected me alot.. My parents are very strict, I did not grow up in an environment where one is free to walk up to your mum or dad and tell them how you feel or how your day went on school. Even if you have the courage to meet them and talk to them, they start comparing you with other kids especially cousins or your siblings.. I didn't like it at all.. At a very young age I always look forward to anything that would make me leave the house, weekends were the worst for me.. I didn't mind going to school even on Saturdays simply because I would meet my friends who I could relate with.. It got so bad that I wrote common entrance in pry 4,luckily I passed and left for boarding school at a very young age.. I was so happy, because I felt my parents did not love me.. They always compared me to my siblings ,from poor grades, to dressing, hygiene, chores, etc.. To the extent that my sister always follows my mum to the market for Christmas shopping, and would select clothes totally different from what I love to wear.. In my mum words, she would say, I don't know anything, I don't know what I want.. I was young, agreed but I knew what I wanted..
    I felt so detached from my parents due to favourtism amongst other siblings, I didn't like my siblings that much due to that.. I found solace staying alone, I was always by myself even in the house, I would go into the room and stay while others where watching TV or playing, simply because I didn't want to say something or do something that warrants comparison.
    I couldn't cope in boarding school and left in Jss2, I could not tell my parents the exact reason why I refuse to go back. They were just concentrating on my poor grades, meanwhile I was always sick in school, was bullied alot, seniors who were lesbians were always disturbing me, my clothes and provisions were stolen. All these affected me ..
    My parents are the type that would never see any good in what you say, they always castigate and criticize me alot.. Even when they give you room to speak, they do so to hear you out then criticize what you say, so what's the essence of talking..
    Now that I am much older, evry time it's same old story of when are you getting married, all your mates are getting married, even your juniors etc. They would be the ones to remind me how fat I am and look older than my age..
    I had to take a loan and rent an apartment far from home for the sake of my sanity,, I still visit them and bring gifts along but they are more concerned about marriage and age.. I forgot to add that when I was much younger , when I ever my Godmother gifts me clothes or shoes, mum will give it to my sister without my consent, when I react they would say I am disrespectful etc..
    In 2years I managed to get a job, I don't have any savings at all even for Christmas, all because I thought I could buy their love and affection by gifting them gifts and sending money home.. Now I know better, I would do the little I can and focus on myself more..
    This festive season is a time family members bond together but mine is a different case, because if I go home it's comparison, comparison and more comparison.
    It affected my personal life cos I keep to myself alot, I find it difficult to make friends and have never had a stable relationship.. I would never train my children the way I was brought up..
    Z. E

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  27. I'm here reminiscing about all the beatings my mum gave to me as a child,while some people are battling with deep rooted pain and trauma from their toxic parents!
    What one sees as trivial can become traumatic to another and vice versa.
    May God heal all the wounded heartsπŸ’” and scars and give us the strength to move on.
    Amen.πŸ™

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen! With the way my mom beat me I thought it was bad reading these stories mehhhh πŸ˜•

      Delete
  28. People have gone through hell😭😭
    Imagine what people went through in their homes😭. A home is meant to be a safe/happy place.
    I pray that God will bring joy and peace into the lives of everyone hurting. Amen.
    I am grateful for my parents. I cant rly say they experienced all the love while growing in their own family homes, but they gave and still giving we their kids all the love. It is now that my mum gists us how they sometimes argue/fight when we were young. We never knew. It was until i grew up,(secondary school i think) that we had a neighbor who was always fighting his wife. I never knew couples fight.
    I cant say my growing up was perfect, but my dad is just too lovely. He came from a polygamous home, and he showed love to all his siblings, infact while we were kids, we never knew his siblings were step siblings. No single form of toxicity in my dad’s heart. Not one😭. He was/is very present in our lives. All he does is make his family& everyone around him happy. Today to the glory of God, the happy upbringing is very evident in our lives. I thank my parents and i pray that we all continue to enjoy true happiness in Jesus name.
    To everyone who grew up in a toxic environment, pick up yourself, and put the past behind you, it might not be easy, but i promise you can do it. Be conscious about your happiness. Mix up with happy people and give out love, by God’s grace happiness will be your portion and i pray your kids will be proud of you. *big hug*
    Love and light to all❤️❤️

    ReplyDelete
  29. I came from a loving home where my dad was loving. My mum was distant, did not know how to be a mother and nagged my father so much!!! Instead of her to just enjoy her blessing. But she is a product of her upbringing and had abandonment issues amongst others. Her lack of motherly love in her life always manifested in how she related with us. She loves us in her own way but can be so toxic and can do things that will shock any mother. Funny that she’s not violent but only God can define what I am trying to explain. So many abused children from abused childhood situations carry that trauma all through their lives. They are butter and sad people who don’t think they deserve good things, even when they have it all.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I empathize with most people here. My Dad was verbally abusive while my mum was physically abusive-both came from abusive homes too. My childhood was good but 'teenagehood' and adulthood was bad.

    This caused me to repress my feelings and become a people pleaser. I am much better now because I started reading my bible and understood that God indeed loves me.

    I thought I was a better person but I realized I have anger issues because
    I tend to repress my feelings a lot. I am working on myself and I'm praying to God to make me a better person everyday.

    I don't want to be like my parents who grew up in abusive homes and lashed out their frustrations on their children. I am happy that my siblings and I are close; we recognized the issues and we talk about it.

    People from abusive environment need to work on themselves before getting married and birthing children.

    I decided to work on myself because I am responsible for my life and happiness. I started by letting my parents know that their curses don't work on me anymore, started removing Fears from my life, started doing things I always wanted to do, became more vocal, stopped being a people pleaser,and my Self Esteem Grew!

    Funny thing is-I am much happier now and my parents are now more displeased with me saying I am now 'Fake' because they cannot manipulate and suppress me anymore. (this was also possible because I started earning money).

    I don't hate my parents(never did); I tried to understand that they came from broken backgrounds but I've realized they don't want to change and they want to drag me into that cycle of negativity.

    It is what it is. I respect from a distance now, my next goal is to work on my anger.

    God will heal us All my fellow Sisters and Brothers. Amen!

    ReplyDelete
  31. My mother will be forming counsellor in church, but the devil fears her. Growing up, i watched how she used keys to tear other peoples children. All our househelps run away,and they're always from far distance. At a point, my aunt stopped sending them.
    My real dad whom i dont really know, but spoken to sometime back doesnt have anything good to say abt my mum. She married my step dad and took me along with her after 2years but would always remind me of how great she is yet, she was d first to call me a bastard and a failure since i was born. I had a kid at 21 because i needed my own best friend.. my mum once told me shes managing me and when she birthed me,she dint know she birthed her enemy nd a demon. She has once gone naked at 3am to curse me nd all my friends bcs i stopped attending her church, nd she could feel me withdrawing from her. Someone who burnt my clothes because her golden son missed his schoolbus while playing ball. Or was it when she accused me of sleeping with her husband just to justify why i ran away from home at 15. She has accused me of prostitution several times due to d colour of my nail polish. My left eye is bad now bcs of her, when shes having road rage and im in front with her, she remembers everything good nd bad and slaps my eyes till shes satisfied. This is just few. She once woke me up in the afternoon while sleeping to accused me of wanting to use juju to inherit her property; only 2plots to her name... i was mad. But that was when i decided enough was enough. I moved out years ago but she made me come bck with claims my step dad didnt like it and men won't respect me. Anyway, i disowned her via whatsapp. She called my child fatherless, child of useless parents, i hate u, i will inject u with salt and u will die... all sorts of evil. I used to send at least 20/ 50k a month bcs my child was living with her,after she claimed she had a dream god told her he must be with her till 18yrs.
    Thank god i took my kid away from her,she had already started full brainwashing for my kid to hate me. My story is not for today. I dislike my mother and nothing will bring us together. She can go to hell for all i care; that woman caused me too much pain. Even used my fathers uncompleted building to abuse me;saying i come from a generation of nonachievers. Someone dat said ill never build a house. Wicked hearted religious something. Goddddddd!!! Anyway, im done with her. I never ever pray to av dat woman as a mother in my next life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She needs help she has a mental challenge.

      Delete
    2. 22:43 i believe so too. But guess what? I dont care anymore. Since i cut off from her, ive been trying to heal myself. I have all manner of scars from head to toe. Even my self esteem;I'm trying to build back. Infact, im an orphan. Cos its better to av no parents than to have d type of wicked mother i had and useless father that couldnt do all in his power to keep his child if indeed he loved me. But i dont care, i just look up to my source for help at least to compensate me for the bitter and sorrowful childhood i was plagued with.
      My mother that threw my kid on d floor when he was about 4mnths, becos i came bck late from saloon dat i met people. His soft head almost broke that day. Someone that would call family members and download unprintable lies just to look good and me bad. Att these evil affected me cos i became short fused but i learnt to caution myself as i saw that as a pointer of my mothers evil character. Anyone that sees her will think shes d best after fresh air... livewith her, she will manifest in less than 5days. I really cant be bothered anymore. My story plenty. Childhood was traumatic for me. I was always afraid going home,ill feel like purging. If i come back again, pls god; not that woman. Someone that accused me of sleeping with her friends houseboy in our house at age12. Beat me, disgraced me and cleaned my vigina..took the unstained cottonwool everywhere she went to prove i was a prostitute. 24yrs later, she told me d same houseboy is looking for where to stay and she wants to accommodate him in her house. I was shocked and pained.. but its her house. When she saw i turned the man to driver cos he was doing uber, she got angry and asked him to leave. I refused. We had another devlish episode.. she would say all sorts of things to me, but will record my part when i start talking in order to play for her fellow witches to castigate me. I really dont pray to av a woman like that in my life anymore.

      Delete
    3. 22:43 i believe so too. But guess what? I dont care anymore. Since i cut off from her, ive been trying to heal myself. I have all manner of scars from head to toe. Even my self esteem;I'm trying to build back. Infact, im an orphan. Cos its better to av no parents than to have d type of wicked mother i had and useless father that couldnt do all in his power to keep his child if indeed he loved me. But i dont care, i just look up to my source for help at least to compensate me for the bitter and sorrowful childhood i was plagued with.
      My mother that threw my kid on d floor when he was about 4mnths, becos i came bck late from saloon dat i met people. His soft head almost broke that day. Someone that would call family members and download unprintable lies just to look good and me bad. Att these evil affected me cos i became short fused but i learnt to caution myself as i saw that as a pointer of my mothers evil character. Anyone that sees her will think shes d best after fresh air... livewith her, she will manifest in less than 5days. I really cant be bothered anymore. My story plenty. Childhood was traumatic for me. I was always afraid going home,ill feel like purging. If i come back again, pls god; not that woman. Someone that accused me of sleeping with her friends houseboy in our house at age12. Beat me, disgraced me and cleaned my vigina..took the unstained cottonwool everywhere she went to prove i was a prostitute. 24yrs later, she told me d same houseboy is looking for where to stay and she wants to accommodate him in her house. I was shocked and pained.. but its her house. When she saw i turned the man to driver cos he was doing uber, she got angry and asked him to leave. I refused. We had another devlish episode.. she would say all sorts of things to me, but will record my part when i start talking in order to play for her fellow witches to castigate me. I really dont pray to av a woman like that in my life anymore.

      Delete
  32. My mother will be forming counsellor in church, but the devil fears her. Growing up, i watched how she used keys to tear other peoples children. All our househelps run away,and they're always from far distance. At a point, my aunt stopped sending them.
    My real dad whom i dont really know, but spoken to sometime back doesnt have anything good to say abt my mum. She married my step dad and took me along with her after 2years but would always remind me of how great she is yet, she was d first to call me a bastard and a failure since i was born. I had a kid at 21 because i needed my own best friend.. my mum once told me shes managing me and when she birthed me,she dint know she birthed her enemy nd a demon. She has once gone naked at 3am to curse me nd all my friends bcs i stopped attending her church, nd she could feel me withdrawing from her. Someone who burnt my clothes because her golden son missed his schoolbus while playing ball. Or was it when she accused me of sleeping with her husband just to justify why i ran away from home at 15. She has accused me of prostitution several times due to d colour of my nail polish. My left eye is bad now bcs of her, when shes having road rage and im in front with her, she remembers everything good nd bad and slaps my eyes till shes satisfied. This is just few. She once woke me up in the afternoon while sleeping to accused me of wanting to use juju to inherit her property; only 2plots to her name... i was mad. But that was when i decided enough was enough. I moved out years ago but she made me come bck with claims my step dad didnt like it and men won't respect me. Anyway, i disowned her via whatsapp. She called my child fatherless, child of useless parents, i hate u, i will inject u with salt and u will die... all sorts of evil. I used to send at least 20/ 50k a month bcs my child was living with her,after she claimed she had a dream god told her he must be with her till 18yrs.
    Thank god i took my kid away from her,she had already started full brainwashing for my kid to hate me. My story is not for today. I dislike my mother and nothing will bring us together. She can go to hell for all i care; that woman caused me too much pain. Even used my fathers uncompleted building to abuse me;saying i come from a generation of nonachievers. Someone dat said ill never build a house. Wicked hearted religious something. Goddddddd!!! Anyway, im done with her. I never ever pray to av dat woman as a mother in my next life.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I grew in a stable home but being the first child was the worst.When I was little,my parents argued alot sometimes they fight.The last they fought was in 1993. I can remember vividly,as usual always because of money from argument to blows then my mother went and reported it to my grandmother's aunt,later the case was closed. After the fight my parents became so close and my family became stable.

    Growing up was not an easy one,although I was going to school from home.I was not allowed to visit friends because i have to take care of my siblings and cook for the family, so my parents can be free to waka their own,like parties and visit their own friends. If I were to go out they will always give me time (2-3pm) which they knew was not possible cos we lived outskirts of the city,if not my body go hear am.This really affected my social life and my attitude towards people.

    Another one is how they always found fault in everything,they never appreciated anything we their children did always comparing us with our cousins and neighbours.If any of my friends visits,my mum always found fault in that person and start accusing you that you are now been influenced by your friends.

    I'm now in abusive marriage.Married to a man everyone sees as saint but at home he torments me physically,verbally and emotionally. When we got married was tolerating his verbally abuses but I saw he was enjoying it, I started responding back but when we start my children will run into the room and close their ears or increase the volume of their ipad. One can see they are sad our situation. By God's grace i'm moving To another state in pretense of finding a work there, i'm doing for my children and for my peace

    ReplyDelete
  34. Stella this topic got me in tears
    Mum was gentle like a dove, the kind of woman that her husband will tell to sit down there and she will sit for a whole day. Dad was a terror. He would verbally and physically abuse and curse us the children and our mum. He would beat us at any slightest thing or even for nothing. The kind of beating they give to thieves. Mopping sticks and turning sticks will break on our bodies including mummy. We children were not allowed to go out or mix up. Always living in fear. Sometimes if he beats us back then and mum intervenes to plead he will beat her too with the stick.
    The effects
    Gradually mum too became sad and bitter always lashing out at us. Dad said we would not amount to anything, we would not find helper, we would suffer and nothing will come out. He is dead now and it seems his curse is working. I and my two siblings are living from hand to mouth. Mum is worn out with hypertension and heart problems. Always sad. No boyfriend let alone husband at over 30. I don't socialize. I hardly open my teeth to laugh. No one to help us, no uncles or aunts want to relate with us. This Christmas I had promised mum I will send her something but as it is now, nothing to send as I'm struggling to feed too. I have told her to always pray for us so that the curse her husband laid on us will be removed. I wish she can even enjoy a little before she dies, she has suffered so much. Pls pray for us. *tears*.
    O.M.A

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The lord will heal you and family, sending you ❤️

      Delete
    2. @Honey 21.49.... There is no curse on you dear. Remove that from your mind. That is the best step towards healing.

      Delete
    3. Sending you love and light. This broke me completely. It is well with you and your family. I will always pray for you.

      Delete
    4. Stella pls give me O.M.A contact nos. I pray O.M.A comes back to this thread. Pls give the opportunity to help as little as I can.

      Thanks

      Delete
    5. O.M.A. please find your way to mfm for deliverance with your siblings. That curse must be broken. My heart goes out to youπŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

      Delete
  35. Someday I will send in my chronicle when i get the guts to do so but as for now all I can say is I'm a living proof that they is a God in heaven.I have been abused sexually, emotionally, physically and verbally but guess what? I'm still very much a happy,vibrant and damn beautiful young woman with a happy life and dreams..I don't know how but I look at myself and I'm convinced they's surely a God in heaven who sees our tears and pains.No courage to type now but looking at myself in a mirror i know my life is a testimony.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Sad stories. I will surely have nightmares again if I dare sleep.
    My parents hated us, they said it was when they started having children that their money started going down that we are evil. Have you seen a parent saying they will enjoy their children's life together with their own? Those are my parents words. We finoshed secondary school through begging from relatives. The abuse at home made me run to go and live with a man at 19yrs after waec. My sister and Brother remained there, they did not progress from school cert holders. They are just there roaming around and running errands for my parents. My boyfriend enrollwd me in college of education. Before I finish school in less than three yes I did several abortions and the last one almost took my life and then I decided I will have the next baby that came. That was how my woes began. From pregnancy, my boyfriend was starving me and beating me saying he can kill me and nothing will happen vos they have rejected me at home. He said he was not ready to be a father. Thank God I had finished school. I ran again to go and live with a friend. I was doing teaching job and had my baby there. I didn't tell boyfriend so he will not know where I am and come and kill me or my baby. I told his aunt who bought baby things and brought them for me. Since then she blocked my line. My sister also told my parents but they were raining curses saying I will keep disgracing myself. I just cut them off completely. I still teach, my daughter is grown now and we live in our own one room apartment. I avoid men like a plague now

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God in heaven will wipe away your tears. Amen. Please find joy again in the gift of life, the gift that your child is to you, and in God's mercy. Forgiveness and healing is your portion. Amen. It is well.

      Delete
  37. Sad stories. .
    My parents hated us, they said it was when they started having children that their money started going down that we are evil. Have you seen a parent saying they will enjoy their children's life together with their own? Those are my parents words.
    We finoshed secondary school through begging from relatives. People will tell me, Ayo, why did they name you Ayo(joy), there is no joy in your life and home."
    The abuse at home made me run to go and live with a man at 19yrs after waec. My sister and Brother remained there, they did not progress from school cert holders till today. They are just there roaming around and running errands for my parents. My boyfriend enrollwd me in college of education. Before I finish school in less than three yes I did several abortions and the last one almost took my life and then I decided I will have the next baby that came. That was how my woes began. From pregnancy, my boyfriend was starving me and beating me saying he can kill me and nothing will happen cos they have rejected me at home. He said he was not ready to be a father. Thank God I had finished school(NCE). I ran again to go and live with a friend. I was doing teaching job and had my baby there. I didn't tell boyfriend so he will not know where I am and come and kill me or my baby. I told his aunt who bought baby things and brought them for me. Since then she blocked my line. My sister also told my parents but they were raining curses saying I will keep disgracing myself. I just cut them off completely. I still teach in a private school, my daughter is grown now and we live in our own one room apartment. I avoid men like a plague now. I pray that my name (Ayo) begins to work for me soon. Domestic abuse of any kind should not be tolerated.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It will definitely work for you. I will always pray for you, it's well with you.

      Delete
  38. This is very deep..
    Sad reading it as my heart tightens with sorrow knowing that people have been through a lot.
    May you all find peace and joy.. See a therapist if you can.
    Let's all Say no to abusive relationships or abusing your innocent kids.

    ReplyDelete
  39. This topic reminds me of growing up in an environment of tough love from parents that were verbally and physically abusive even though I didn't see it as that back then.

    ReplyDelete
  40. It is well with you anonymous 02:04. Your daughter will make you proud. Please train her in the way of the Lord.

    ReplyDelete
  41. My mom is a very hardworking, industrious, responsible, loving, down to earth woman, she is the breadwinner of the home, my dad is opposite, he fucks all our maids including my mum's friends, lazy,smokes weed,as agbero he is, he hits my mum after stealing her money, burns her cloths sells her jeweries to drink, fuck ashawo & smoke,my mum left the marriage with only the cloth she was wearing, he paint my mum black to her brothers who smoke like him, they junctly hit my mum till she, passed out, she left the marriage homeless, we go hungry without my mum, we can stay 2 days without food cos my dad is lazy, I ran to my mum, followed by my elder bros, my dad took my direct younger sister to one of his women friends as a maid, then drop my 2 younger sisters on the road close to my mum, I accept to marry a 29year old man when I was 12yrs just to have a roof over our head, had my 1st child at 13yrs( he is 20 now) 2nd child at 16, 3rd child at 19, my husband turn out to be my father the 2nd, he left all the hustle for me, he calls me unpriteble names because of my family, I sold satchet water in the street of nkpor whlie married to a man, but I never stopped going to school, when the suffer, stealing and beatings became too much, I had to leave the situationship but this time I planned well, bought land build my house, finished my nursing and midwifery schooling before leaving him, with my kids, my ex husband is best friend with my dad, so I kuku cut them off entirely from my life,
    My dad is sick now, my brother wants me to help him lolzz, I swear he will only eat my money as a corpse, my mum stays in my house at onitsha whlie me based in Lagos working. God has been faithful, we are all graduates I had to enter street on time, I did runs, lots of things to salvage my family am happy we are on a better level of life than before. But my dad won't see a dime from me,yes I fly the world, bought car for my mum & siblings but you see that man I will make sure he pays for all he made me go through

    ReplyDelete
  42. Thank you Stella

    Too many broken adults having children they in turn damage too

    It is not everyone that is fit to have children

    #breakthecycle

    ReplyDelete
  43. All these comments break my heart...,my own story is another thing, i never knew who my father is until a day before going to the NYSC camp and he came with the excuse of saying he told my mother that i definitely ask after my mother when i grow up. My mother has to leave me with her parents to marry another man and she when i was just 13 and i had to leave with my grandparents but when my grandfather that really cared for me died i had to start leaving with my mum's elder sister and it was a definition of living in hell. I did all sorts of house chores not meant for my age while her children sleep,i do follow her and the husband to the market to buy clothes for their children but i never own her a scarf for the years i stayed with them,i could remember fetching water from their very deep well and the drower fell inside i had to enter the well as deep as it was to bring it cos them no born me well to tell her. Many unpleasant happenings while leaving with her but i am grateful to my grandma for seeing me through higher institution but she also died before i went for service which really shattered my heart. I am married now to a good man and have children and i am trying to show that mother's love which i lack to my children but at times i just see myself overreacting or beating over unnecessary things but i know God will help me to overcome it. My children will never leave with any relative and i try to dress them well cos clothes were one of the things i really suffered while growing up

    ReplyDelete

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