Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.....

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Monday, January 11, 2021

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.....

Hmmmmm......









STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED BLOG VISITOR



I'm spending my own holiday at my fiance home.

He stays with his mum who came from another state where she used to stay initially ...
They started living together again since 2015. That is; after my guy left school and started working.

He is the only child of the woman.

The issue right now is that I keep noticing how his mum has been making plans...
Like asking me what and what properties I would be needing, the ones I would like to change ( for the ones already in the house).

She said she would like to get everything ready for me by next year, that I should just write everything down.
Her plans and mindset is that we are all going to stay and live together.

The issue is that I've told my guy that I won't like us to live together and he had made plans to getting his own apartment by February next year. (She does not know about this yet).

Earlier this year, her mum actually reported him to me that her son wants to leave her when he gets married. I saw how heart broken she felt even though he never kicked off the plans yet.


I pretended to not knowing what she was talking about but that was actually the first time I told him about the issue which he was in support of and as well, he told his mum about it immediately.


His mom is actually not a bad person, (I'm not a bad person either) and whenever we are having some chit chat and she is happily making future arrangements for us all, I feel so guilty... My guy never really had any intentions of living apart from the mum not until I made him see reasons ( which was a very difficult task for me anyways).


I actually feel for her cause he is her one and only. The husband died when the child was barely 12 months old and she actually refused to remarry when suitors started coming for her hand in marriage again according to the story her son told me while telling me about his little family . Her excuse was that she does not want her son to suffer or be maltreated by anybody.


How do I go about this?

I really don't want to change my mind about this issue.
I want to be free to run my future family and do things the way I want to.
We are very cool but you never can tell with us women. See finish and all whatnot might surface at the long run. I don't want to start what I can't finish like some of us used to say.

Marriage plans already in progress.

I'm also afraid that this might make my fiance to start stalling in other not to hurt the mum.
BVs, what advice can you guys throw my way?I'm in dare need of it. Thanks.





WOW.....I just put myself in the womans shoes and as someone who has known the love of a child,I totally understand her...
As someone who is a wife as well,i totally understand you as well...
The man you are about to marry sees reason with you but if he has a strong bond with his mum,you would have succeeded in hurting them both with the separation.......

Is there no way you can meet them halfway?like sit with mother and son and you guys agree on how it will be?she might even end up leaving on her own after you dish out your conditions but to force her to leave when you say she has no one else is worrisome...

I have a childhood friend with this same issue ,the wife also demanded same but they cut a deal and the mum stays in the house but minds her business and later played a very important role of taking care of the kids while her son and his wife went to work..
Try to manage her,things will work out somehow.....


100 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I feel you poster. No one knows tomorrow. I also feel for your future mother in law. Regardless, she shouldn't live with you both. Marriage is between husband and wife, that's just how God made it. However, it's either you both get a house close to her, or she visits you both at least one week in a month to spend time with her son

      Delete
    2. I wonder why she didn't go ahead and remarry and birth other kids. No excuses! Will she live with her son forever ni? Abeg

      Delete
    3. I agree with Stella.

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    4. Worst case 30-40yrs, she has left this world. Please allow her enjoy her son and have companionship with her grandkids, so she doesn't die of boredom before her time. You will appreciate her when you give birth, by then your mates will be hustling and sharing horror stories of wicked nannies while you have a mum you can trust 24hrs with your kids free of charge. A friend of mine is enjoying the same thing oo, her hubby is an only child of a widow.

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    5. @ Poster advising you is easy,ask yourself darling,what if it's your own mother??? I do get it you want privacy in the new family you are preparing to start,please do not leave that woman by herself,show her love,become her second child,you can all live together without issues.Your husband may agree with you to leave and get a place of your own but he may end up resenting you for making him hurt his Mum.Use wisdom

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    6. That woman may die if she's too attached to her son and eventually left alone. Since you said she's not a bad, please give her a chance. You could have her son talk to her about minding her business and knowing her limits where it comes to you both.

      All the best!

      Delete
    7. Agreed with Anonymous @ 18:28

      Poster

      What if she is your mother that has been lonely for years raining and now she has companions like you and her son. You still want to push her out to continue with lonely life till death

      Haba haba Think twice if someone wishes you same how will you feel.

      Delete
  2. Chai, this is a hard one, in as much as I don't fancy living with an in law, I really pity this woman. I know she might have built her life around her son, that is why its good for parents to have their own life outside their kids. Please in whatever decision you make, try as much as possible not to hurt that woman and see her as your own mother,even if you're not living together with her, always make sure you are not far from her,visit her from time to time

    ReplyDelete
  3. Take Stella advice, manage and live with your mother in law as long as she is easy going like u said. You will have a son n be in her shoes in the future. Sow kindness and you will reap kindness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Omo with all these experiences, I'll never live with my son in future. I have conscience abeg. No matter what, I'll know his wife needs space...

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    2. Poster, I understand your concerns. Every woman needs her space. Your mom inlaw sounds like a kind woman, too.Can your fiance and mom consider getting homes close to each other? That way she can see her family regularly. And as Stella said, she will definitely be a big help when your kids come. May God guide you and bless you as you decide.

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  4. Eyaah this is just somehow sad.

    Like Stella said, try to meet them half way, that old woman might end up dying sad and depressed if you put her away from her son.
    Come to an understanding sister.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She won't die sad, that's not gonna happen. I'm 100% willing to have her in our home if things didn't work out in future.

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    2. Why not look for a house help to live with her while you move out with your future hubby.

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    3. May God give you discerning spirit. This is tight.

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  5. Exactly my thought. If the mom isn't gonna be any trouble, try and accommodate her, she'll be really helpful in the long run. This is what kids do, they'll grow and leave and start up their own families. Women, stop using kids as old age compensation, you'll just be causing unnecessary problems. I wish the poster all the best

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I doubt if our generation will have the same problem at same measure. For our parents generation they needed human companionship a lot, that is why gisting, gossiping, going to events, church and parties was their way of catching fun. For us, all we need is our phone to catch fun. Even in my 60s Im sure I can spend days on Netflix, instablog, twitter, other apps and be alright. All I need is wifi. For them, all they have is human interaction, some of them can't even use smart phone, so I can understand her loneliness. Chai.

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    2. I just taya. The worst thing a woman can do for her future is building her entire life around her child(ren).
      Poster does your mother in law to be not having siblings? Nieces?Nephews?
      If you both can get an apartment for her somewhere close to where you plan living and possibly get a help(or any one from her extended family) to keep her company and help with day to day living, that would be perfect.
      I honestly don't envy you.

      Delete
  6. Give your future mother inlaw the benefit of doubt. Please allow her to stay.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly, since she's a good woman, let her stay but mind her business. She might help with your kids later. I have a doctor friend who lives with her mother in law, she told me that it's her best decision as her children are in best hands. She doesn't have a nanny as the mother in law is very happy to help with the children, she can travel at anytime without worries. In fact, I envy her, the house is well run and the children doing very well. It's beautiful and happy household.

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  7. The answer lies in, if you are in the mother's shoes, assuming you have only one son, will you like him to marry and leave you living alone? That is if you have a home that can accommodate you all?
    Think about this. πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes yes I will!!! I will never be in my prospective children in law's affairs and don't ever plan living full time with them.

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    2. Lillysimple, I hope that busted is not for me?

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  8. What really are you doing inserting yourself in their house, when you aren't yet married to him?
    And why not come clean to the mom and avoid this guilt that is eating you up?πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What really am I doing inserting myself I'm my fiance house?? Really now???

      Delete
    2. @15:57
      Are you the poster? Fiance is not husband. That's the point.

      Delete
  9. #EndSWAT #Endpolicebrutality Phoenix11 January 2021 at 15:12

    Dear Poster all your concerns are valid. However you need to know the personality of your fiance? Is he the firm type or anything goes. Is he a mummy's boy or a man of his own? With this you can know if you will have a blissful one or have to choose between you and his mum.Like you said he is the only son of his mother so it will be difficult to separate them so you have to accomodate it. She is also your mother so treat her like how you would treat your mother in love, kindness and happiness after all she won't be here forever. So give her all the love you can, treat her like your friend. Just discuss with your fiance on how you want things to go. I believe mama will understand and respect your marriage boundaries. From your write up i see she likes you and wants the best for you. She can help you with taking care of your babies. All the best in making the best decision.

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  10. This is the reason i tell women especially single mothers, widows and divorcees and women who have only sons to get a life apart from their children.
    You will one day be regarded as a nuisance.
    Get a life!
    If she had remarried, she would have had other children and a husband and she wouldn't be so dependent on one child for her happiness.
    She refused to remarry but now the son wants to marry?
    Why didn't the son decide not to marry so he can sacrifice his life for his life for his mother as she sacrificed her life for him?
    Women, please be smart.
    Stella, don't swallow this.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you abeg. Which one is refusing to remarry after the death of her husband. Very unreasonable if you ask me

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    2. That was then naa when not remarrying was seen as a virtue, even for widows. Women did that for societal praise and approval. I don't see that often again. Men hardly ever did that ish.

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    3. Very simple dear. Please find mother-in-law to be a man. Set her up with a nice gentleman perhaps from her church. Slowly her attention will be redirected

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  11. Please a lot of people may come here and tell you to live separately but check your heart and ask yourself if that is the right thing to do.

    We are not even like the white people that keep their parent in separate house as they grow old or old people home. If he is the only son then believe this that she will end up living with you in the future.

    She sounds like a good woman and you also sound like a good daughter in law please I beg you to Love her and treat her like your mother. I have seen what most mothers go through because of their children and I promised myself that when I eventually get married someday, I will make sure my future husband mother gets treated like a queen if the situation arises that she needs to be with us.

    You all can live together it is not that hard as most will want to a paint it in here. Even our own mothers and siblings we live with them with caution, respect, keeping healthy boundaries and some time we fight which is normal even teeth and mouth fight but when there is love we make up. Sometimes too we stoop to conquer. Try to bring her and her son even closer and watch him love you the more when he sees how you value his mother.

    You won't have any problems beloved sister if she stays with you, I am sure she would love you as her own child who helped her with creating an even larger, additional family. just put everything in prayer first because that is what I do when I am in a fix. Tell God to give you wisdom to live well with her. She seems like a lovely woman. You too spoil her with love and affection, pamper her like an egg and see her love you and God reward you. The Bible says an answer when mild turns away anger, look ehn no matter how wicked someone is I believe when you show them love they will become weak after sometime and reciprocate.

    Please don't be afraid this mother in law will even be like your gossip partner and friend if you know your way. God bless you sister as you make the right decision.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. White people don't 'keep' their parents in separate house. Their parents have their own homes and the children move out to have theirs when they reach a certain age. The govt provides social security and pension from the taxes their parents paid so they don't need to financially depend on their children. Then finally, in failing health and age, they have home health services and hospices where health care and support is provided for the elderly, of which you choose the service you want. All paid for by the taxes you paid while working.

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    2. I've already accepted my fate. I don't mind if by tomorrow, she decides to live with us.

      I don't mind at all. I actually had a deep thought about this after I sent this chronicle.

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    3. You are just like me, pure heart.

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    4. Nice one poster. God bless you. You won't regret your decision by God's grace. Amen.

      Nice comment Olutosin.

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    5. Thank you for this great advice filled with love .
      It reminds me of Ruth and Naomi.
      God bless you poster for agreeing to live with your future mum in-law.
      You'll enjoy it, especially when you start popping kids.

      Delete
    6. Honestly poster i understand your trying to pity her but i must tell you sometimes we have to 'Apply wisdom'.

      Let me give u a little story, i let my brother inlaw come live with me and it turned out to be hell, am not saying your MIL will be that way oooo but please if you leave in naija and can afford it then try to rent one of those houses that has a bq attached. That way she is not seperated from her son and you have a little privacy.

      If you stay abroad then find a way to convert a basement mini apartment so that she can also be close to you but not in your space.

      Then encourage her to be a caregiver or take up daycare work (since she loves kids) and also encourage her to attend church programs, that way the woman is busy and won't have time for trouble.

      All the best in your home.

      Delete
  12. This is so touching.
    From you narration, she seem to be a very nice person. But as you know, no body nice finish.

    Just handle it with maturity. I sincerely don't know the advice to give.

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  13. My take is this,COMPROMISE!!!Meet each other halfway,it shouldn't be my way or the highway,try and be flexible,you all will be alrightπŸ€—

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  14. Poster dong be unfortunate In this life! Leave him hi marry someone that will allow his mom live in same house!!!

    You are selfish

    Imagine you not having someone look after you in your old age!

    Let me not get angry

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No LOLO. She's not selfish, she's human!!! Stop with all this emotional blackmail and stupid sentiments. They can take care of her from a distance!!! She can always visit them too and spend time with them. I have a son, and I'll never inconvenience my future daughter in law. I have lived, I'll let her live too. Let her be free in her house and run it how She deems fit without always thinking of me...

      Delete
    2. How is she selfish?? My mum had just 2 of us before my dad passed on. They were barely 4 years in marriage and my mum chose not to remarry after our dad's demise.
      Myself and brother are married and in our respective houses, my mum lives on her own in her house (with one of my cousins) and is perfectly fine. As a matter of fact, she has always been of the opinion of a woman holding her own so she doesn't become a burden (emotionally, financially, etc) on any of her children in future and she is doing perfectly well alone. She has friends, family members, church members, her job and colleagues to keep her company. What more?
      Now if she has to come live with either of us in her old age (or my mum-in-law), why not?
      But to want to start living with a young couple from day 1? O wrong nau.

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    3. There is nothing unfortunate about her. Her concerns are very valid.

      Most mothers tend not to know where to draw the line when it comes to their children. I have a couple who separated few months ago due to this sort of arrangement.

      Theirs is so bad that the husband complained the mother in law eaves drop on their conversation and influences his wife. That every decision they make, she must first go and consult her mom. The wife is an only child as well.

      Mothers in this situation tend to knowingly or unknowingly interfere and are always very protective of that child.

      @ poster, you can give it a try and see how it goes since you said she Is a good woman.

      Delete
  15. Please be careful. You are the one who will wear the shoes. Perhaps it is better you rent a place not far from where she lives. Don’t start what you cannot finish.

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    Replies
    1. Best advice so far. Sentiments keeps killing us in this country

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    2. Abeg, add me to this WhatsApp group..

      Delete
  16. U all can live together...if she fucks up, she goes, she might even be helpful in d long run.

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  17. So sad, the world is deep o, if this woman is nice, accept her, it might be the key to unlocking favours for you.
    God sees the heart, is their no way she can come and stay with you guys after 1-2 years of marriage?
    Also, you would need her when the Kids start coming.
    Personally, if I feel she can’t come and live with my husband and I after marriage, I won’t even marry the guy.
    Separating them might even speed up her death.
    In all, poster seek God’s face and be considerate in which ever option you take.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We talked about all that and in conclusion, if she decides she no longer wants to live with her niece or she feels she prefer us to her, she would be staying with us. Right now, I no longer see it as a big deal.



      Thank you all for your time o!, thank you.

      Delete
    2. @Anon 15:28 you have just stated my fear. the separation might lead to her depression and possibly death

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    3. I guess Anon 16:02 is the poster, take that decision because its a kind one and carry God along, you will never regret it in the long run. I have been through what will shock most women and survived all with a lot of success stories. What I have come to understand is that kindness is like a ripple, you must reap good from it somehow. I m not promising it would be all rosy o! but in the end, a kind person always wins. Have you thought about how well this woman would take care of your Kids because she had just one(remember all the horrible Nanny stories on SM)? Have you thought about how the thought of meeting her grand kids (considering she had and literally lived for her son) could block any ttc issues for you? Just pray and do the kind but 'unwoke' thing. I wish you the best

      Delete
  18. I wish he doesn't marry you. You are a snake and a divider. You are worse than all you put out. I pray you lose the man and the marriage. Thunder fire you. God punish you.
    You need to go away so that someone that appreciates this kind woman that accepted you with open heart and clean hands,come in. See how softly you speak yet how deeply your evil intentions cut.
    I pray that marriage never holds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is everything alright?

      Ishi omebiela gi?

      Delete
    2. On the poster's behalf, God forbid. What kind of person are you?

      Delete
  19. This is the problem with people that say “focus on your kids”. She’s not the first person to have an only child, problem here is that she doesn’t seem to have a separate life apart from him.

    I don’t believe in living with in-laws either, but you have to really think about whatever decision you’re going to take because it could affect your dealings with each other going forward.
    Could she maybe live close to you and her son? What is your current living arrangement, is the house very big? If it is then you guys might consider doing a test run of living together.

    The first year of being married can be quite tough on a new couple, especially if you weren’t cohabiting before because you’re trying to adjust to each other. There might be times when you have a small tiff, hope she won’t now put her mouth and start having an opinion.

    Before my husband the longest time I spent with any guy was 2week visit, and we had an adjustment period after we married. Now that we’re pregnant even, I send him on errands and stuff and sometimes I’m just really lazy and he understands because we have adjusted to each other. If his mum or a family member were living with us during that time, I don’t know if they won’t have felt a type of way about our different arguments over irrelevant stuff then.

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    Replies
    1. God bless you. this exactly is my fear with mother in laws. things your hubby may overlook she will have an issue with. food your husband can eat she will prefer something else. poster I know you love your mother in law but when the bible says a man will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. madam don't let anyone guilt trip u. she can come for weekends and holidays

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  20. If you had sent the post last week i would have told you to try and live with the mom.
    Looking at the way you wrote about her,she sounds really lovely and respects you too.
    But my opinion at this moment is seek the face of God o! Put on your shock absorber coat to able to withstand any shocker you get .
    My mother in law, my mother in love as I call her just shocked me and there was no shock absorber on my part. So I never recover. The heartbreak is not what I want anyone to experience.
    Thank God for the holy spirit and a loving husband am getting to a place of complete forgiveness.

    Your case might be different.
    Best of luck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome to the club supermom! lucky you, hubby is on your side....mine will never ever take sides with me even when I was made to sleep on bare wood in winter (in a house I pay for), well I don borrow sense now so na gba gbos mode I de. Finally, God, please may I be a source of joy to my future DILs! Amen

      Delete
  21. Poster better be smart and use your head. No one knows tomorrow. We should always hope for the best,but prepare for the worse. If problem arises in future, all these strangers here with their sentiments won't be there to put out fire with youoo

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  22. Stella of life! This is one of those few occasions I agree with your red pen advice.

    Poster you need to be patient and watch how things play out. You are not even married to him yet. Trying to separate that guy from his mother will be an undoing on your own part.

    It's not like you even have a problem with her yet. Why not calm down and watch things play out. You need to free this issue for now, because I dont see the guy even abandoning his mother for you; and please don't make him choose.

    If the guy is well to do, you can all live together in the same house with her own separate arrangement. Mama you better be calming down. It's too early for this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some of you need to keep quiet.

      Where did she say her husband should abandon his mum for her?

      The lady is confused and she has sought advice here, is that a crime?

      Newly weds need a bit of space after getting married. Yeah they can find a way around but stop making it seem like she is being wicked.

      Delete
  23. This is a delicate matter sis...

    If you know you can't leave with her,then please don't marry the son.
    If for 5yrs plus now,she hasn't treated you badly,I don't see how she will in future. We are women and can't hide our feelings and character towards our fellow women for so long.

    Get a bigger apartment that will give you all enough space.If your man is willing to get another apartment whilst paying her rent,then money is absolutely not the issue here. Once again,get a bigger apartment.

    You will need her too,just like Stella said when kids come around.You will feel better with her taking care of your kids than a maid and trust me,she will be happy to be there for you.

    Don't allow her die a lonely woman...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Plz you get married to live with your husband not his mother!!!

      Delete
  24. I will advise you live with her for some time after the wedding,then you can be able to decide if it you will be comfortable on a long run or not.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Poster, you dont have any human feelings at all. Why do most women behave this way? Always acting me n my husband. God knows, if I am a man and my fiancee only cares about me and not my family, then that is the end of that relationship πŸ’―
    Do not ever separate them! What a wicked human. Tolotolo eyes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yimuuu you are the wicked one here Tenny!

      Delete
  26. That woman is very smart, she knows you are the architect of that plan and she is emotionally blackmailing you to make sure it doesn't happen. I think you should stand your ground because once you are married she will not let you tune your family the way you want it, she will try to influence your decision and being a huge part of her son's life, living with her will affect your authority. Don't live with your mother in-law, I live with my mum and am regretting it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank youoooo

      Delete
    2. Women and their problems. Loneliness kills, understand this. By the time your future husband starts going to his mother's house for breakfast and dinner, under the guise h
      of spending time with her your eyes go clear. What happens when the woman is sick, shey your husband will leave you at home to go care for his mother. You are all in the same city, what stops her from coming to your house anytime she wants to. When you step on a good person, don't expect the person to be good to you. You will end up bringing out the ugly part of her because you want to selfishly have exclusive access to her son. Uuuuuki

      Delete
    3. @ Alexander, I hope if faced with this situation you would take in your wife's mum to live with you from day one of your marriage. You guys will be dishing advise you cannot take. So the lady is wicked now??? Una weldone.
      If my dad is a widower for instance and unmarried, will it be ok for him to move in with me when I get married??

      Delete
  27. Dear poster. Pls put ur self in her shoes. You sounded much desperate to me. Why separating them in a hurry? Why? What he ended up living for another woman who will live with him and her mom together. How would you feel?

    ReplyDelete
  28. My advice, rent a separate apartment for her and provide every necessary thing and someone to take care of her.

    Your home should be open to her always and you and hubby can visit her from time to time.

    That way, even your kids can know they have a granny somewhere they can go visit on weekends/holidays but if she stays with you guys they'll so get used to her that they won't be so excited expecting to go see her.

    Good luck and cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Please live with her for a while and see how it goes. Your mother In law seems like a good woman. I'm sure she would love you like she loves her son. Be patient with her and you wont regret it.

    ReplyDelete
  30. If you both have money, you can make a compromise: get two flats on the same street. Her son gets to see her as much he wants, when kids come, she gets to see them as much as she wants. You have your privacy with minimal interference and everyone is happy. I understand you and I also understand mum-in-law.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I'm kinda in same shoes just that the boo is oyinbo but I really like it cos when I have kids I will need all the help. (Daycare and babysitter here is so expensive so I really want a kind mother in law). Also, she doesn't live with him but they are very close. I think it's best though for a couple to live on their own for the first year. E get why. However, it's not the end of the world if it doesn't happen. Since she is his dependent, maybe consider. Good luck!

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  32. You call your fiance's Mum,"the woman". I dont like your tone.

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    Replies
    1. "He is the only child of the woman". Pls rephrase that sentence you overly critical empty brained human. Just once in the whole chronicle did she address her that way and it's now a problem?

      The mum na man before? Some of you just find fault in every damn thing. Smell off biko tufia!

      Delete
    2. Opinions *smh*

      Delete
  33. I dont see how you both can be as free as a young couple deserve with mummy around.....
    I dont know how you can get mummy to not feel hurt...
    Tiny complicated KNOT!!!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Truthfully, I hate the idea that in-laws live with a married couple, especially newly married. What I love most about your story is that you did not paint your mum-in-law bad.

    I will suggest that you let her live with you and follow Stella's direction. She needs to understand fully that this is your home and you will run it as such. If she is as nice as you have stated, she will allow you run your home without any interference and in peace.

    Alternatively, your hubby can rent a place for her for a year and she joins you after a year. By then, you would have bonded a bit as a couple. You will need her when the children starts coming.

    ReplyDelete
  35. My dear, I’m talking from experience don’t live together. Your husband will be in the middle and will rather hurt you than his mother. Let her stay probably on the next street and get her a little girl from the village. When u start giving birth, you can drop the kids with her, go to work and pick the kids after work. Please don’t stay together. Familiarity breeds contempt.

    ReplyDelete
  36. If something happens the same BVs will insult you for marrying a man that lives with his mother. Doesn’t she have friends, church, siblings, nieces and nephews? She played you and you fell right into it and of course Nigerians will encourage you to stab your eyes to please your husband and in-laws. But when things go wrong the same people will blame you for being stupid. Your husband to be may have even been in on the call she made. Other mothers in law that don’t live with their married only sons don’t love their children less

    ReplyDelete
  37. This is a difficult situation for three of you.
    But then I agree with Stella.
    I think there might be a way your husband to be can rent two apartments in same street or compound, so that the mother can stay in one and both of them won't feel far away from eachother.
    Even if I'm not a mother and I'm not yet married I'm just trying to imagine how these two persons have lived their entire life together all alone and it happens that this separation comes.
    In situations like this you need to compromise a bit by allowing some kind of agreement that will keep them close .

    ReplyDelete
  38. Poster please allow the woman to stay with you since you confirmed that she is nice. She sacrificed all for her son. All she desires in companionship in old age. My motherinlaw lived with me for over 6 years and took care of my kids. She never gave me issues.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Poster I honestly pray my heart out... Let me not cross path with a woman like you, whatever good your kinda woman have for me should pass me by...
    Yes.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nonsense comment.
      As you are praying your heart and intestines out, make sure you allow your prospective MIL move in with you immediately you get married, nonsense.

      Delete
    2. Amen @Poster 23:10.
      This woman no be am. May my sons never find her type. God forbid. Person dem neva marry. Winch.

      Delete
  40. Dear poster , I’m in your exact shoe, in this case my husband siblings are all in different countries and he is the only one in Nigeria tho she do travel to see them once in a while
    The advantages
    She can help rebuke your husband if and when he misbehaves
    She will help with the kids ad trust me you’ll need that help
    You will have a gist partner
    You’ll be glad you are making her happy
    Disadvantages
    You won’t be in total control of the house
    You won’t be free to do some things
    Just have it in mind your husband has 2wives

    ReplyDelete
  41. My heart melts after reading this, poster you don't know what you have. Myself and my wife have been begging my mother and/or my mother in law to come leave with us so that they can hold the children while my wife work. Them no gree say they are busy with their schedules. You'll think you need space after marriage, but when children land, you will paying heavily for that space

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Will children come imnediateky they get married? Abegiii jare. They still need some privacy till the kids start coming.

      Delete
  42. Get a duplex with BQ room and parlour inclusive. She can stay at the BQ, get a maid in the house that will be attending to her too. she can come into the main house but at least she will have her own apartment. YOU CANT separate them both, just forget it, except the woman has a life of her own, like a big business or her own personal house with workers upandan.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Newly couple that at times Mr wants new Mrs to wear just sexy kinikan kinikan around d house .. even enter kitchen .. do as em like even n**de at times self.. yes trips.. what if the son is not based here? I'm an only son and till my mum retired and after two years joined her creator I do beg her to overstay any time she comes from abj to lag.. sincerely it's not proper.get an apartment close to her where she can easily access.. all this the woman is a good woman and the poster from a distance na cos em never live together.. blood runs in our veins mehn.. person no dey nice finish o.. my take..

    ReplyDelete
  44. Poster, please take Stella's advice. Sometimes, all we need is empathy. You can live together peacefully plus her son reasons with you. Just have it in mind that conflict must arise since you all are from different backgrounds but when they do arise, talk to her first just like you would your own mum.

    Just lovingly set some ground rules with an open mind and you will be surprised how it will all turn out good especially when the children come later on. Peace to you all.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Poster, I really feel for you.
    However,from your story,it sounds like you have a good mother inlaw who knows that when her son marries you, things will change and you might want things differently. This is why she is asking you about what you want to change.
    I am married to an only son and child of his parents and I know how his mum loves her son and vice versa, but I took the mum as mine as she has a beautiful heart as well,she is very helpful to us especially for childcare.
    If you do decide to live with her, do set the groundrules from the beginning.
    Personally, I will ask my fiance to get a new place for us where you have both chosen and it will be Mama moving in with us not me moving in with mama. You will feel more like it's your home and in control of things.

    ReplyDelete

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