The economic situation in Nigeria is pretty harsh these days and it is becoming increasingly difficult for the men to meet up with their financial obligations, especially for those who lost their jobs at some point. In this case, I am referring to the married men who later lost their source of income. In other cases, the women earn higher than their husbands and this has put a strain on their relationships.
I know a man who was doing very well for himself until he lost his job about 2 years ago due to the economic meltdown. He is now a shadow of himself and has resorted to drinking and constant physical abuse of his wife.
When I was taking a woman home during the week, she lamented on the phone while talking with her friend about how useless her husband has become ever since he lost his job some years back. She has been the one shouldering most of the responsibilities at home including the house rent, feeding and school fees for the children for the past 4 years in their 10 years of marriage.
What I could gather from her conversation was that the man was doing really very well until he lost his job 5 years ago. Getting another suitable one has been very difficult as he has been turning down the jobs he gets because he feels it is too demeaning for his status. Now, this woman is complaining that she is overstretched and has advised the husband severally to take up any job he sees but he feels too big.
He constantly begs her for money and has resorted to drinking and coming home late. To make matters worse, he demands for s*x constantly, which she finds very repulsive especially after slaving all day and all she is thinking about is coming home to rest.
I believe the woman is not designed naturally to take care of the home front as the breadwinner as it takes a big toll on them. Men can do better and should live up to their responsibilities no matter what it takes. Moreover, there are many homes where the woman earns much more than the man and one can never know outside except when told.
Right now, I am looking for more ways to make money and diversify my business so that when the time comes, I will be able to provide for my family. I can’t depend on a woman for that because it is not in her place to be the primary provider.
I believe the woman is not designed naturally to take care of the home front as the breadwinner as it takes a big toll on them. Men can do better and should live up to their responsibilities no matter what it takes. Moreover, there are many homes where the woman earns much more than the man and one can never know outside except when told.
Right now, I am looking for more ways to make money and diversify my business so that when the time comes, I will be able to provide for my family. I can’t depend on a woman for that because it is not in her place to be the primary provider.
*I hate it so much when men let women carry the financial load at home..... I also hate it that some of these women are comfortable slaving while he does nothing.....
I also understand that it is not the fault of the men that they dont have Jobs but please stop picking what Jobs suits you and which does not!
Oko Ashawo does Taxi driver work pay the bills? By the time family comes in, the money you make needs to double up, Ashawo, make sure you practice what you preach when the time comes.
Oko Ashawo cheers to 100 episodes! 🥂🥂🥂 I hope you practice what you preach
ReplyDelete100 episodes already.... Wow
DeleteIt's really sad what a lot of women are going through. Too many irresponsible men out there leaving their responsibilities for the women to carry.
Hmmmmm.... Make person no go marry wrongly o. I want to believe that the true character of a man/woman can only be tested with money/lack of it.
Wow. Oko ashawo. 100 episodes and I don't get tired of reading your posts. I constantly comment on them l. Yes women are not wired to take care of the home. Anytime my husband tells me he doesn't have money, it always pains me and I don't know why. May GOD help us
DeleteIf a man finds himself in such situation all you need to do is to grab the next available job even if it does not pay as much as the first one and support your wife until you find your feet again.instead of being a pain to your wife and stressing her.
ReplyDeleteTonia
I was discussing this same issue with my friend yesterday. In my own case, my husband earns less but in all honesty, he's trying his best.
ReplyDeleteMy friend is not having it easy at all. Even though she earns better than the husband, the man chases anything in skirts and hardly contributes to the home. She's secretly building a house and has almost completed it. Once that is done, she'll divorce him and move on.
Gbam. Tell her to move fast.
DeleteThese are not the days of our mothers who will be tolerating all manner if useless rubbish from useless men and forced to suppress their thoughts and emotions all under the guise if he us the head of the house.
Any married man who cant stay faithful and cant provide for his home is the head of his anus. Awon iranu oshi oshisco.
What your friend is doing may not be good but it’s the best in a situation like this.
DeleteOk ashawo you no lie oo,dts how my aunt is slaving away for her horse and. The man is the biggest scam of the century, this man had/has nothing to his name,I don't even know how my aunt fell into that man's trap cos she was not desperate,if they tell me dt man use JuJu catch my aunt,I go believe. My aunt has always been a hustler from day one, she works extremely hard. This man claimed to be a contractor, after marriage work e no go,my aunt discovered debts ds man was owing,my aunt had to pay off debts and still feed the idiot for years. It's just recently the man started ds pos business,my aunt suffer no be small. Worst off,he has two kids outside my aunt doesn't know about,we found out but how to tell my aunt without her slumping or her health being affected is the problem. Idiot will be using my aunt's money to go finance his extra family and sidechicks, idiot incurred curse on his head from his ex dt is now affecting my aunt, God story plenty. We plan to tell their eldest brother everything so he can handle it appropriately whenever he comes cos dt one hardly comes home. And please don't tell me to mind my business,cos this my aunt grew up with us and is like my sister. Abeg I don tire to type,am angry jhor
ReplyDeleteYou people are her family and you have to help her. If you don’t help her who will 🤷🏽♀️
DeleteYou are feeling pity for your aunt but don't want to help her, please why are you her family? If the useless husband can go outside to set up another family with your aunt money, then she deserves to know the man she's toiling and killing herself for doesn't worth it.
DeleteOMG,pls you people should let her know before is too late..
DeleteThat man doesn't worth it at all...
Please tell her asap. No he -goat is a bad egg that needs to be trashed fast and urgently.
DeleteUse style prepare her about the children outside. She needs to save for herself.
DeleteYou should have told out about the side chick and outside children since you found out
DeleteWhen the husband and wife have parallel finances, isn't God's aim for the family is already defeated?
ReplyDeleteIf one loses his/her job, the family should adjust and move on seamlessly. That is if each other's income is "our money"
and not "my money." Of course the two are one; aren't they?
And what else does Our Lord say in the Scriptures; be willing to do menial jobs....Romans 12:15-16 Yes, for the sake of the family, you can take
up jobs that are "lower than your status."
Hip hip hip!, hurray to reaching 100 episodes, amen to your wish and more ink in your biro
ReplyDeleteOko Ashy, You're really consistent and steady. Congratulations on this 100 episodes. Its not easy at all.
DeleteI might be wrong but I think majority of the women who got married to such men as painted by Oko Ashawo, married them primarily because of their financial comfort and secondarily because of their generousity. Instead of marrying them primarily because of their personality and secondarily, their comfort. To most of the former, when they break down, most sulk and end up in self pity. But for the latter, they have a good work rate - they hustle.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's true, most wives today are the breadwinners of their respective homes. Some who have husbands with commonsense, that still strive to put in one work or the other, do understand these husbands. But for those who married the former category of men, it's a pain.
One thing men should understand is that women were not naturally designed to be primary caretakers, although very resilient. They were created to assist as much as it takes but not to bear it all. Sadly, they are attracted to lazy men, who has things going on well for them in the moment. But incapacitated mentally to dig their heels when things fall apart.
Oko Ashawo, congratulations to hundred episodes already. I recalled when Stella announced your column, although I hardly comment but I read it all.
It's not easy at all. May God help all the families going through issues of life.
ReplyDeleteAmen 🙏🏿
DeleteCongratulations on your 100 episode. Good work
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your 100th episode,OA. It's not easy to be this consistent and interesting too. I use to fancy myself a writer but ink don finish for my pen teytey. More ink to your pen.
ReplyDeleteOn this issue I think when a man loses his job he should not just stay at home and let the wife carry the whole burden. He should find something to do,even if it's only to be leaving the house and buy bread and provs when coming back. Nothing irritates me more than seeing my man sitting at home doing nothing while I go out to work my ass out. Oga,pls just dress up and go out first. Me as a woman can't even stay at home doing nothing. I have done all sorts of jobs just to make sure I'm keeping busy and making some money at the end of the day. There is a limit to what a woman can take and do in these situations.
Congrats OKO Ashawo on this 100 episode. It has been a good read to me.Cheers
ReplyDelete