Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Monday, December 13, 2021

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

 Hmmmmm.....





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE...
DEADBEAT HUSBAND



Pls treat as urgent.
I have been married for 5years with 2kids. 

The marriage has been bitter- sweet, But mostly bitter. My husband is jobless, he has been since during the marriage. Before we got married he was doing "diesel supplies" but he never had money, he was always coming back with one story or problems he encountered. ( I am now finding out that they were all lies, no contract anywhere. He just made up stories so I won't see him as jobless or a lazy man)


 I foolishly married him thinking it's just challenges and he will pick up. I loved him crazy. During the wedding, his mum took care of all the food, while he took care of all the drinks and I contributed all the attires and some of the list requirements. Him and His parents took care of all the bride price and fees. My parents also gave us cash gifts to support. After the wedding and I followed him home, his dad gave him one apartment so he was living rent free. I would go to my shop, while he will be in the house, sleep, eat and watch movies morning till night. I close very late, so by 10pm when I'm home, it's just to shower and sleep.
Wake up early, make breakfast and go to the shop while he stays home doing nothing.



 This continued until I had our first child and the financial responsibility doubled, the stress of taking care of a baby and running a business doubled. He contributed zero even to ease the stress of doing chores when I close so late. He was so lazy. Those first years of my marriage was so painful, I cried a lot, begged him a lot. Me the beautiful lady, looked like a 40yr old because of stress.


 I had zero time for myself. No resting day even on Sundays, I worked back to back to make ends meet and be able to save some for him to learn a trade. (I forgot to mention he dropped out of school due to some reasons) I would save and gather some money for him to learn the trade he wanted and he will use the money to play bet. 


He stole my monies to play games. I have reported to his family several times and they just beg me. I have slept with a married man to raise cash to solve a problem Because the money my dad gave me to register my sister for something this my then boyfriend came to me and told me he had a little setback in his diesel supplies because his money is not enough to buy the quantity he needed to supply and I should lend him the money and after supply he will send the money to me. I gave him the money, after the day past for him to send me the money past, his number stopped going. 


As we were in diff states I couldn't go to his house to confront him. He called me after some weeks to tell me he ran into issues so he was at a loss. ( I am just finding out it was all merry bet, he had no diesel supplies, I sold my body for merry bet). So many issues in this marriage, I bottled up a lot. My mum, I don't know if she could see through me or it was just mother's instinct but she is my saving grace, she regularly sent me money. 


My husband's mum on the other hand knew her son is jobless and has never sent me or her grandchildren the least 2k to buy them something but earns way better than my parents.( She can even comfortably collect from me that has no savings)


 It's all about image to her. And her son my husband is like that also. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not entitled to anything from her but your flesh and blood that you love? The issue is that all that stress I faced in the marriage has landed me in trouble because I am now diagnosed with bipolar syndrome.


 My husband prefers to actually travel every weekend for one occasion or the other. He has no plans for his life, no dreams, no purpose. He believes in eat today tomorrow will take care of it's self. He is 34yrs, no degree, no skill, no business. All he does is play naija bet and prays for money to fall from heaven. Because I don't know how God will bless the works of his hand if he has no work.



 When I complain, how lazy he is he will insult me that I should be happy his friends use their wives money to carry women but he is not like that. But to be fair to him, he does not womanize, he respects me in public. My main concern is my mental health, I feel the resentment I have for him and all the pain and stress he put me through and bottling it up is what triggered this. I still love him dearly and I also hate him. I hate him for putting me through such trauma.



 I just moved to my family house with the kids to stay for a while and figure out my next action. I am still undecided if I want to divorce him or if I still have the energy in me to fight for my marriage. But one thing is sure, I want to be mentally fit to love my kids and give them the best I can afford. I don't want to feed a grown man for the rest of my life. I have tried to hide my finances from him and the stealing has stopped but I can't control myself from giving him all that I manage to save for one business idea or the other but they are mostly get rich quick ideas.


He is a master manipulator, and always try to guilt trip me that I call him lazy but I don't want him to succeed. I am financially, mentally and physically drained. I am tired, I need help. My parents will not agree to a divorce. His parents are divorced and remarried diff people, his sister divorced twice, his uncle recently married after chasing some of the women who had kids for him. I stayed largely because of my kids, if they won't be stigmatized as coming from a long list of broken home. But as it is now, I don't think I can continue to Hussle and struggle all to remain stagnant in my business because I married a lazy man....





Hmmmmmmmmm........

So you need advice? May God provide for you and give you the wisdom to know the next step to take because i cannot tell you to pack out of your husbands house,there is no Domestic violence, just lack of cash......

I am surprised it took you so long to find out that he did not have a contract....

111 comments:

  1. So because of lack of money, you submitted to adulteries? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
    Haven't you read in the Bible that God will judge the adulterers and sexually immoral? Heb. 13:1-4
    Nne, you have God to contend with and what you are giving us is no excuse to this divine law.
    I married my husband when he has nothing and we live in peace. Whatever I had and have became his/"ours."
    That is two becoming one. You will go to the altar and chant (for better for worse ...), but the moment he runs out of cash...boom! Dead beat, lazy, useless...
    Please repent of this adultery, confess to the ones you wronged; your husband and God and then we will
    begin from there!
    ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Read again, the sleeping with another man was when she was dating her husband.

      Delete
    2. Where did u read she committed adultery? Your rush to judge her made you misyarn.. change o, no let God change am for you.

      Delete
    3. Some Nigerian married women are begging to piss me off. You made yourself a stench before God and man
      by going into adulteries and you are complaining of your husband, really? What a shame. You have not removed the train
      running right inside your eyes and you are pointing at keke running on the roads?

      Delete
    4. You obviously didn't read or maybe you lack understanding ๐Ÿ’‍♀️
      You just saw "slept with a married man", and your judgemental self rushed to comment. Mtchewww

      Delete
    5. You are just too judgemental. Which kind person you be sef? With your different different stories mscheeewww

      Delete
    6. Madame koinkoin A.K.A "PeaceMaker "13 December 2021 at 16:01

      OOOOO LORRRDDDDD WHAT DID I JUST READ ๐Ÿ˜• ๐Ÿ˜• ๐Ÿ˜• HMMMMMMMMM I NEED TO EXHALE MY BREATH HMMMMMMMMM, I OPEN MOUTH .
      POSTER BUT WHYY ???
      YOU WERENT FORCED IN THIS MARRIAGE NEIGHTHER WERE YOU KIDNAPPED
      YOU CHOSE TO SWIM IN LOVE EVEN DURING WHAT YOU BOTH, CALLED COURTSHIP, I HMMMMM FOR YOU AGAIN CHAAIIIII
      YOU WENT AHEAD AND MARRIED A man who ........... and born 2 join
      You have help him to turn you to a mad woman and here you are asking what you should do . Meeeehn I pity the innocent gift God gave you because they don't DESERVE what's about to happen to mummy and daddy. But while you figured out at your OWN FAMILY place do me a favour , do not return because you don't belong to him , that marriage is on the highest level of deceit. USE your tongue to count your teeth madam Before the real madness come for real.goodluck

      Delete
    7. Madame koinkoin A.K.A "PeaceMaker "13 December 2021 at 16:05

      People wey dey pray for husband make una dey pray specifically for the kind man wey una want , this case na pure open eyes gbese. No hurry for marriage because you see people dey marry. You got to be wise no matter how drained inove you dey with your partner both men and women, E GET WHY!

      Delete
    8. We all have digressed from the poster's complaint and refused to give any advice, but instead resulted to judge her actions prior to marriage. An action she tool to help her husband to be. Let those of us without sin continue to judge.

      Delete
    9. Anon, 15;32 ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„

      Delete
    10. High chief judgina,always in a haste to judge and condemn people,change o!! ask God to cleanse ur heart and give u love cos u go wicked well well for real life!! Even the Bible said “take heed ye that think ur stand lest he fall”.

      Delete
    11. 17:22 that's because their dirty judgemental character is always hungrily looking for condemn.
      Comprehensive and empathy flees from their sight.

      Delete
    12. People don't read to understand. They just pick a fault in the narrative and start judging. And please stop using your situation as a yardstick to someone elses situation. Your husband was jobless when you met him, is he still jobless up till now? Stop judging people. You are not a saint.

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. His people kept enabling him and you are also doing the same.
      It's so sad that some parents will not raise good kids and just dump them for somebody's daughter.
      A man is supposed to be a protector, a crown, provider but some people are so irresponsible.

      You need to tell your family all you are going through and figure a way out, even if it's time apart. Stop keeping things in, that's what is affecting your mental health, if you die they will share your kids and he will marry someone else.

      Delete
    2. There was this chronicle poster 2weeks ago or so who was contemplating marrying a laid back but peaceful an while she is a go-getter. Nne, I hope this poster's story will help you see the kind of future awaiting you. You will become the wicked, greedy and resentful troublesome woman who is a woe to her calm, unassuming, peaceful husband just because he has no money.

      MARRY YOUR TYPE. MARRY YOUR CLASS. They won't hear. Always marrying by faith that magic will happen and a leopard will become a dog.

      Delete
  3. Deadbeat to Nigerian girls means, he is not as rich as I thought he was.
    You forgot to add;
    useless,
    Narcissistic,
    abusive
    toxic
    manipulative,
    DV-tive
    bla bla bla
    And add your "greed" also.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon 15:08 Meaning what, ahbegi

      Delete
    2. @Paprika
      Meaning that you all are hypocrites who pretend to love a man only when there is money to suck. Suck him dry and run.

      Delete
    3. ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„

      Delete
    4. 15:57 which money was there. Somebody who has never worked a day in his life. Ogbeni oshi, fellow leeching lazy oaf, get lost!!

      Delete
  4. You are really in a very difficult place. Divorcing him might not be the solution but separating from him for the main time so as to recuperate might be the best idea here. You have to be strong now, focus on yourself, your business and children.
    HOPEFULLY, he finds himself, get a job and become responsible for himself and his family.

    E no easy to be woman and come marry this kind of man join. May God see you through all this challenges.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I agree with you ๐Ÿ‘ˆ

      Delete
    2. I kind of agree with Olomo, don't divorce your husband but separate from him for some time.

      Delete
    3. My people! I hear you but believe me if it is gambling he can never ever ever ever change. Like ever. Even if he gives his life to Christ, he will become a better man but that habit will always be there. Gambling is the worst addiction- worse than drugs

      Delete
    4. 23.16 please stop it! Who are you to say NEVER, are you God??? Be guided o.

      Delete
  5. In BVs voice, did you not see the signs ๐Ÿ™„

    May Jesus fix it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. signs are always there, but due to pressure to get married, some ladies cave in, this would have been my story until he told me a lady had no right to reject a man, my eyes just cleared, distance relationship no dey work for some people

      Delete
    2. Madame koinkoin A.K.A "PeaceMaker "13 December 2021 at 16:07

      one sister reading this will still not learn because love still dey shark am like sapele water .

      Delete
    3. May Jesus fix all the fixables

      Delete
  6. Goodness gracious! I wish you all the best

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster what your husband needs is tough love.
      I won't advise you to divorce him, but make him understand that until he gets his life together and be the provider he ought to be, you're staying away for your sanity.
      And if you're a Christian, do not relent in prayers,for him and yourself. There seem to be some foundational ish with his family though. It is well with you dear.

      Delete
  7. poster am so sorry for what you are going through. i for enter one chance marriage if I didn't quit my relationship this year, always allow the guy to be free around you, he will open up about himself, please move on with your life if you see another person mbo return the bribe price. distance relationship doesn't work all the time.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Stella, is this not worse than abuse? Physical wounds heal!
    The torture, the mental torture
    Getting married is easy, leaving... that's where the wahala is. That's the hardest part.
    Poster, get a pen and paper. Write down the pros and cons of being married to this man. If the cons outweigh the pros, you know what to do. FYI that environment is not good to raise kids sef

    ReplyDelete
  9. God please don’t let me marry a lazy man , no matter how much love I have , please open my eyes ..... I hate poverty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You hate poverty?

      And you forgot to pray for God to make you rich as your future husband?

      Or you follow dey the gang that want rich husbands but don't want to and cannot contribute to making the family richer. The type mentioned by our beloved Bv above?

      Delete
  10. Anon the only advice i can give u now is prayers, pray For God's direction and intervention.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dem no dey advice Nigerian married woman to stay or leave,yet your mental health is also important,you alone can tell yourself the truth.wish you well!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Poster you have tried and God Almighty knows that. Stop fighting for the marriage before you kpeme.

    Playing bet naija or na baba ijebu has its own spirit. People don't know how spiritual it is. They think it is all games.

    That family you married into has a very wrong foundation. From what I can read from your story, they are not strong in God Almighty.

    Leave now while the sun shine

    ReplyDelete
  13. Pope said sexual immorality is not the worst sin @ANG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sin is sin. All sin carries the same weight.

      Delete
    2. Jesus said sexual immorality is the worst sin 1 Cor. 6:18, 5:9-12

      Delete
  14. His only visible fault is laziness right? Get him a job

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Easier said than done. Pray not to meet a lazy man. The Bible book of Proverbs talks well about him. Go read it. Very sure you will reconsider your advice.

      Delete
    2. Didn't you read were she wrote she's given him money on several occasions to start a biz and he ends up using it to gamble?

      Delete
  15. May God come through for you.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Madam poster PACK AND RUN FOR YOUR LIFE AND MENTAL HEALTH. What you wrote up there is almost the same with what my sister went thru but her own incudes beatings and nagging and shouting and manipulations. Thank God you have 2 children LEAVE NOW HE CANNOT CHANGE! My sister had 3 children she left when her daughter wanted to commit suicide because of what their father was doing to their mother. Playing naija bet is their stock in trade. My sister is doing well with her children the husband has been using different numbers to call her to beg and she has been blocking the numbers. My sister developed HPB because after closing for her work when she gets home the husband will start fight, insults, nagging telling her how other wives buy cars or build house or open business for their husbands. Always collecting money or stealing money from my sister's bag when she is in the bathroom. Never pays any bils except Nepa bill. House rent, school fees, food or hospital bills na my sister dey pay. My sister was always bleeding from her nose, one side headaches, dizziness her blood pressure was so high that she was heading for a stroke. But since she left her health improved she sleeps well eats well no more wahala on top of a man who has no blood ties with you.My dear the decision lies with you. Make your choice but I pray you do not chose something that will lead you to an early grave!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So sorry about your sister, thank God she is in a better place now. Poster, are you seeing this? Don't rush to divorce yet, just live with your people, keep working and providing for your children and analyzing the whole situation, then take a decision, I would advise you to divorce him eventually but it's very important you arrive at this decision yourself. All the best.

      Delete
  17. He’s lazy but you went on to have 2 kids for a lazy man number 3 loading ina get coconut head

    ReplyDelete
  18. Just forget about him for now.......face your life and your kids

    ReplyDelete
  19. my fear here is 'he plays bet9ja'...that bet game is so addictive,I pray God comes through for you and your children.

    ReplyDelete
  20. If you can marry a man from a broken home, your children will be sorted out in future.
    I will advise that you leave or separate from the man for now pending when you are mentally fit.
    Your children needs you to be physically, mentally and financially stable.
    Leave him for now.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hmm omo this would have been my story ,if not for God.As Stella said why did it take you so long.I can't tell you to leave Sha but do what you think is best for you and your kids

    ReplyDelete
  22. You are not completely honest. From your write up you are an unfaithful wife. Am sure your husband has his side of the story

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please,you guys should learn to read to understand. She slept with a married man while they were dating and not as a married woman.

      Delete
    2. Did you read well? Go back and read so that you won't fail your exams.

      Delete
  23. You are not completely honest. Sleeping with a married man for money no matter how pressed you are shows you will be an unfaithful wife.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is why some people keep failing exams.

      Delete
    2. Oh please, if she didn't say, would you have known?

      She is honest, very honest, for a one sided story. Even if she has used some unmentioned abusive words in the circumstances narrated, she is still honest.

      Some men who feed and maintain their family as best as they can know how much abuse they chop on just mere delay in providing.

      If we don't have advice for those hurting, can't we just pray for them?

      By the way I am a married male.

      Delete
    3. Some of u are ready to kill and a half dead person who seeks advice here with ur words,if u don’t have a soothing word of advice u can pass the post.if she didn’t mention that she slept with a married man when she was single for money will u have known???for her to write this here means she realizes her mistakes and errors and feels remorseful about it,she knows better now,can u judgements lots leave her alone!!

      Delete
  24. It seems like marriages in most recent times is all about trade offs, between great companionship, or having kids... Can't we have both at the same time... You have kids but a bad marriage or you have a great marriage with no kids.. Blessed are you, if you have it all in marriage!

    ReplyDelete
  25. God, please fix this marriage.. this woman has been through a lot

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I cannot say Amen to this your prayer. That could be my poster up there. Women that love foolishly and are not materialistic tend to make excuses for people they love(I know because I walked that path). It took years to realise the son of Adam was always lying (no contracts anywhere). When you are an honest person(not flawless) by default, you tend to believe everyone is the same, especially loved ones.

      Like the poster, it took the development of certain stress related illnesses for me to have a re-think. Left the marriage and I do not regret that decision for one day. I am healthier in all ramifications. The toll of taking care of a grown man for years is not something I wish on anybody. If you are a peace loving person, the resentment you feel eats you up because you are not wired that way.

      Men like the poster's husband drain the life out of you till you become a shadow of yourself. They never change. And people like the poster up there can't fold their hands and see things go wrong, so they keep working and working to make sure the family has a decent standard of living.It is a vicious cycle.

      My two cents to the poster is:
      Option 1 :Accept to take care of this man for life, age before your time and probably develop more illnesses along the line. By the way, resentment may grow into bitterness, so the person you become is nothing close to who you were originally.
      Option 2: Cut your losses and walk away.Recover for yourself and children. You deserve a live of peace,sound mind and reasonable challenges(not babysitting a man for life). You owe no one an explanation for choosing to LIVE, rather than DIE slowly (if not suddenly).

      Delete
  26. God, please fix this marriage.. this woman has been through a lot

    ReplyDelete
  27. Really sorry, I really don't know what to say as this brought me so much sadness , I truly pray things get better for you , also try getting close to God and if you can afford counselling it would really help .
    I'm hugging you and saying everything would be alright. Stay strong ,I'm glad you've your family's support .

    ReplyDelete
  28. Na wa oooooo...the problem too much o...may God make a way for you madam

    ReplyDelete
  29. Poster you get mind o ah inside this kind marriage you don born two pickin already.
    Poster somehow I do not have any pity neither do I feel pain for you cos its all clear from your dating days that you knew what you where going into.
    So enjoy and whatever decision you take will be alright for you afterall you have been taking the decisions.
    Chai this chronicle dey vex me sha.
    Must you marry? Team e go better, b4 you begin change e go better for a guy make sure you know the real info about all his hustle, dig deep before going into this thing called marriage/bandage.
    Anyway Pele

    ReplyDelete
  30. Poster please that situationship u called marriage I beg u

    ReplyDelete
  31. This woman is hurting so bad. Poster separate for a while. At least to get yourself and your mind right. In that time you could get a lot of insight. Your health matters a lot. You can only rightly parent your kids if your mind is right. All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Since It's beginning to affect you mentally I suggest you give him an ultimatum .you stay with your parents he stays with his parents you guys talk it out ,trash it out ,discuss the next move ,that he must get a job, start working , pay at least the school fees since you people live in a rent free apartments ,let him know that you are serious , that you are drained ,that you are overwhelmed that you just cannot take it anymore. and it has to start before you come back and then also no more children until everything is back to normal.It's well with you.

    ReplyDelete
  33. The man plays bet9ja, That means it would only take the grace of God to save him from that. The truth is if you dont leave, you would suffer for the rest of your life. My uncle has been jobless for over 20years, when i left he only had 3 children. i visited last two months and they are now 6. He has never worked in his life since i knew him and it is clear he would never.. Who expects a man who never worked in his 30s to work in his 50s.. My point is that you should be seperated from your husband. Find a life for yourself. Allow him access to his children because obviously he cannot fight you over them since he does not hv the finance. Anyone that tells you to stay, hates you and doesnt mean well for you. If you choose to stay, the regrets would be bigger .#3cents

    ReplyDelete
  34. Feeding a grown man who doesn't even make any effort to be financially stable is the height. I wish you well dear, Jesus take the wheel.
    Me I no fit abeg

    ReplyDelete
  35. Hmmm! mental torture is so bad because nobody will ever understand you...

    ReplyDelete
  36. My advice to you to you is to leave his lazy, manipulative ass and hustle for you and your children. Forget all that lineage of divorcees matter and work on raising your children well. If he has a spiritual problem, let him go and find solution, leave that man and his family before you lose your mind, focus on your happiness and your children.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Poster this @loveall advice is great...seperate from him for a while with an ultimatum that he gets a jobb and man up. You are so articulate...i send love and light your way.. Your experience is so sad but God will come through for you ๐Ÿ˜Š

    ReplyDelete
  38. Things we do for love๐Ÿ’”
    Can you cope for the rest of your life??because I don't think he will change.may God deliver you from your illness.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Please separate from him until you get well and decide if you still want to go on with him.

    ReplyDelete
  40. This is a woman that wanted to be the virtuous woman and help the man she fell in love with but the man is not even ready to help himself,,now he wants to use his lazy,bad and fruitless character to make her go crazy!!!
    My advice,stop trying to help a man who isn’t ready one bit to help himself,if staying away from him for a while will make u feel better mentally and otherwise,there u have ur answer!! U mustn’t stay married to him at the detriment of ur health and sanity.be wise.goodluck!!

    ReplyDelete
  41. How many successful gamblers have you seen?.it will take God's to change,for now focus on yourself and leave him alone ,if he is ready to have his family back,he will change.
    Don't go back till he has a means of income.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Why will a mother be comfortable with the fact that her son with a wife and two kids does nothing and they cannot call him to order or try helping him.
    Pls for your mental state stay with your parent for now before your children will see laziness as a virtue.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Poster, your chronicle was just too painful. Please young single ladies read and learn. Be very careful of parents who are so eager for the wedding to push through. Once the wedding is over that person is now YOUR responsibility and your headache. Many of these families know what they are marrying off to some innocent person. Check, double check and triple check the character of whomever you intend to marry.

    All I can say is make the best decision for yourself and your children. Divorce is valid under your circumstances. At the end of the day better to be called a divorcee than a mad woman on a psych ward or roaming the streets. You can pick which one seems like the better outcome to you. If you choose not to divorce and separate and forget to divorce from him, then he will be considered your next of kin and everything you work for and achieve he will be entitled to it. If, God forbid, you should lose your life he would have the dominant say even over your children, he could literally wipe out any inheritance you leave for them even if you expressly left a will behind. So think on those things as well. At 34 can he change? anybody can change if they want to. He suffers from a gambling addiction and if he does not face that and seek treatment then there will be no change for him. The addiction has to be addressed and it has to be addressed with professionals who are trained to treat addictions. Unfortunately, you got married to an addict and that is a tough place for any newlywed to be in especially they have no training for such. An addict has no time to be rational or think through logically, an addict's only desire is to feed their addiction. The addiction supersedes every aspect of their life. A person without an addiction who is not clinically trained has no understanding of this and think it is easy to get over and just say they are stopping and stop one day out of the blue and everything is just perfect after that. It doesn't quite work like that. Overcoming addictions is a long process and take a lot of time.

    I am not sure about the healthfulness of raising children alongside an addict, no matter how sweet and loving they are. It will never be a healthy environment for a child, it leads to bad memories and could also make them accepting of certain lifestyles. Please remember that addicts lie a lot, they will lie if they feel they will lose their stability, do not easily believe everything your husbands says, he will lie to get his way. Now that he no longer has access to your money he may start selling off household items to raise money for gambling, he may even sell the children if the drive overcomes him to a great level of intensity. Be prepared for anything!

    It is up to you to decide how you wish to live and the environment you want your children to live in. a part of you has already died inside, don't let because of strong beliefs of morality you die completely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot. That is what worries me. That my children might get used to it and see it as normal men behavior. God forbid they marry their kind of father

      Delete
    2. Gbamest!!!
      You captured every aspect of this discussion.
      Thank you for your detailed response.
      Poster, here is all you seek.
      Anonymous, are you Ronalda? She is one bv I have really missed here.

      Delete
  44. This man is not ready to be helped,I don't even think he knows he has a problem.Until he realizes that he has a problem and he is ready to help himself,there is absolutely nothing you can do to help him.

    I won't advice you to divorce him,but I will suggest you stay away from him till you get your sanity back.

    Firstly your health should be the Paramount thing to you now, because if anything happens to you,who will take care of your kids?

    Secondly for you to help someone you have to be in a good state yourself and can see all draining and unhealthy being with him has caused you.

    Thirdly you need to give that man an ultimatum,it is either he gets his acts together or he forgets about you and his children.

    STOP indulging him.
    Tell him to get a job or starts a business and P.s don't go about raising money for him again,if he is ready to work on himself lets him raise the money himself.
    I pray for God healing hand on you.
    ❤️❤️

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  45. And na dem dey shout, I am head of house, I am king of jungle. Etc etc pass Meanwhile nothing, empty konkolo, women forever covering men's asses in marriages. Lazy louts.com.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Dear Poster, if I were you, I'll take a walk for my sanity sake!

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    Replies
    1. Yes take that bold walk.
      You're still young and beautiful.
      Focus on your kids and tour business.The Lord will make a name for himself.
      Imagine you're no more .Hod forbid.
      Can their Father train and provide forthem?? NO WAY

      Delete
  47. Thanks a lot everyone, I have decided to separate from him until he becomes responsible. I have another question. The drugs prescribed to me are risperidone and carbamezepine. I googled it and the side effects scared the shit out of me. It's been months now and I have not been able to summon courage to take them. Pls who has taken these drugs before. Where you able to live off it? If it's drowsy how do I run my business and feed my kids. I am just really scared. I get panic attacks and sometimes just breakdown and cry. I also have bad mood swings, could be sad all day. Will the drugs help? I'm the poster

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    Replies
    1. I don't have answers to your questions re: medication, but just want to send hugs your way!

      Delete
    2. This combination is the right cocktail or you. I know this because I prescribe them. Carbamazepine is a mood stabilizer while Risperidone is a second generation antipsychotic. Risperidone might make you drowsy so it’s better to take it before bedtime. Risperidone can drop your white cell count, so have them be checking your white cell periodically.

      Delete
    3. Poster you need to cut ties wit that man. He has a serious addiction. He needs serious help. Read and digest what anon 17:35 wrote about folks with this type of addiction. Stop playing with fire and get help for your own self first. Seems you don’t love yourself at all. I’m sure that marriage has completely messed you up to having zero self worth. Focus on you for now. Wish I could tell you a supplement that really works but I’m not sure if Stella will approve my comment. You need help asap!

      Delete
    4. I was once placed on Risperidone, it made me slightly drowsy and also constipated me, when I complained, it was stopped and another drug was recommended for me. My advice: there's no "one size fits all" for medication, start taking the drugs and watch how you react to them, then update your doctor for adjustments or replacements if needed. Just for the records, I don't need the anti psychotics any longer as I'm no longer in that extremely toxic situation I used to be in. Hugs and kisses to you dear poster.

      Delete
  48. Just remain where you are and plan your life,you and your kids but most especially YOU,should come first!God forbid,if anything should happen to you tomorrow,life will go on,so please take care of yourself.Sending you love and light๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–.

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  49. Hmm, I will agree with the bv that said not to divorce him just seperate from him and that is just because you have children for him
    Also, please tell your family about the situation so atleast they can be your support system. Having a support system is very for everyone and more so for people that are mentally ill

    The part that really got me angry was the “I should be happy his friends use their wives money to carry women but he is not like that” what nonsense๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜ฃ

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  50. This is too much a burden for you alone postet.. May God grant you wisdom in knowing the next steps to take..

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  51. No two individuals are same, this also applies to relationships. There must be something about this man that wowed you into marrying him: are those underlying things still there?
    Your situation qualify you to ask for divorce but only if that's your best option. Like everyone had pointed out, you need to separate from this marriage and address prevalent issues from outside - that is outside your comfort zones. Which is the most ideal state work round these marital issues. You need to look at your marriage holistically and decide your next three steps.
    We have to understand men from their position of hopelessness - most men wallow in self pity at any slight plung, and watch themselves get drown in it. I believe your husband is in this state, apart from prayers and maybe foundational issues (as per typical naija things). He needs his time with a professional counsellor to work on his mental strength - few men have the mental capacity to battle through their difficult seasons. And this your husband does not belong there.
    Start with counselling for your husband, encourage him to go for it. That's the start. His issue seems like something molded from his upbringing - most parents don't realise they are encouraging lazy adulthood in their adolescent male children. Growing up with such mentality becomes a stereotype conditioning that becomes habitual.
    Then take time out and pray for your marriage, if you still believe in it.
    Lastly you two should take practical steps going forward to address and tackle the financial gaps and imbalance responsiveness in your marriage. May God interven from the root of your crises.

    Please, if your are genuinely tired and don't have the mental capacity to continue, you are at liberty to take a bow. For your pewce of mind, mental health and physical distresss overload. Remain blessed.

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  52. When I say marriage is a scam people like ANG will jump inside my throat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marriage is not a scam, speak for yourself e.g. marriage is a scam for ME.

      Delete
  53. Better go for planning family to avoid more kids from your lousy busband..you should have been smart.Learb to read through line. Don't allow love limit your sense of reasoning.See where it landed u.your kids are still young.Meaning you'll train them in school while you husband is alive and idle.
    You were the enabler here.
    Ndi I must marry by force even when you can't prove someone's sources of Income.

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  54. sad...I personally will separate from him for now for the sake of my mental health.. keep praying for him and let God do the rest. for now focus on yourself and kids, do not let him or his family blackmail you emotionally to staying with him. a lazy man has no business in a marriage.

    ReplyDelete

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