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Thursday, January 13, 2022

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

 Hmmm...






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
FUTURE MOTHER IN LAW DISAPPROVAL


Stella .. I just want the opinions of BVs.

 I have been dating this guy for 3 years now. I am 28 years old and he is in his 30s.

 Some weeks ago, we were having a conversation about a friend of ours whose relationship ended because her boyfriends mother did not want him to marry from her tribe. 

My boyfriend said the relationship shouldn't have ended because of that. I told him she probably didn't want to enter a battlefield. The conversation just got really serious and it shifted to us both. I had met his mother once when we travelled to his hometown about two years ago for a wedding. At the end of the day I felt some kind of weird vibes but just brushed it off. 

He had told me prior that his mum wasn't the affectionate type of person let me put it that way. So I had brushed that encounter off. So back to our conversation. I asked him. What did your mum say about me ? I could see his face drop and he said the mum wasn't keen that I am from a particular tribe. She had told him at the time 'let's see how it goes'.

 It was a shocker to me.


 I asked him why he was telling me this now. At first he said because it doesn't matter to him then he said he was scared to tell him because he felt I would leave him. He is not wrong BVs. 

If he had told me so early enough it would have been easier. I am sooo angry. I have spent 3 years with a man whose mother is against union with women from my tribe. I feel he has wasted lots of my time. I always wanted a mother in love.

 I never wanted to be in a position where I had to wait on a woman's approval of 'lets see how it goes'. BVs what are your thoughts?





*Hmmmm Marriage is tough enough as it is but to Marry with your mum in law not liking you or where you are from is not a good starter cos it will pitch son and mum against each other and you will be blamed.. He supports you now but blood is thicker than water and who knows the battles that lie ahead....
Think well before you go further in the relationship, three years is enough time to tie all loose ends.....

43 comments:

  1. The mum has an issue with your tribe not you. If your man is cool with you, there wont be any issue. It depends on your man. Know where you stand NOW.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I once dated a guy who later told me his family did not marry from outside his tribe. The way I instantly shut down ehn...I felt, oh you knew and came asking me out? Did my name sound remotely like Doshima? Another one said his father will turn in his grave if he did not wed in Anglican church. And asked if he didn't see girls who are originally Anglicans in his church? Why assume I will automatically convert because you offered marriage?

      Time wasters.

      Meanwhile, poster the day is still young and bright o. Serve him a nice breakfast now. You are just 28..

      Delete
    2. At times, I don't know what to advice.

      Prayer can still help. Don't give up. If its God's will to walk out, then believe God.

      Delete
    3. I don't agree with you aunty Stella, as long as you are sure that your man gat your back everything go set Las Las but don't force friendship, keep a distance I didn't say malice and build your home on God

      Delete
  2. Act now before you waste more of your time. Ask him his plans for you and when? tell him to introduce you to his mom as his future wife if he agree to a future together. If he opposes you seeing his mom now or try to beat around the bush concerning his plan for you, take a quick walk. But if he agree to be with you and take you to his mother, her reaction will be another indicator if to continue or not. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  3. After 3years, you should be able to have known where the relationship is going to. That's the first matter you should establish now. If you both agree to marry and his mother poses as a problem in future, then you can decide what you will do, For now I don't think you should be worried about the mum, until the brother makes his intentions CLEAR.

    Ladies, Don't hesitate to ask the question "Where is this relationship heading to " if you are planning to get Married oooo...so that you don't plan alone.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think you should try to change her perspective about your tribe with your good behavior.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is a very difficult option. No matter how much she may try, it may not change anything

      Delete
    2. My senior nwunye dแป‹ son married from Abia state.. The woman was not too happy with the distance and demands of the lady's tribe, she swore not to let her younger sons marry from Abia.
      Behold brethren, his last son brought an Abia lady to her, she bluntly told the lady that she rejects her because of her state. The lady tried to convince her that her Abia is so close to Anambra, just political thuggery that made them Abians.mama refused.


      On 9th January, the lady was married to her son. She just let every of her fear rest. She accepted the girl. She is now part of us. EOG.


      This lady might not have any complaints just her fear. Let the guy properly introduce you to her mother as his future partner. Watch and see for yourself if she has any resistance to your person. Don't jump the gun and chase yourself out of the relationship.

      Delete
  5. I think you are jumping the gun here, your dude hasn’t even proposed yet. 3 years is quite long.

    He got defensive during the argument because he knows his mom is not feeling you/your tribe too but one meeting isn’t enough to conclude just yet. She might come around once she gets to know you well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perxian, your first paragraph is it.

      Or maybe he has proposed but she just called him boyfriend.

      Delete
  6. Poster, study the man to know if he is a Mummy's boy. If he is the type that tells his mum everything and listens to her advice all the time, as in, his mum controls him, RUN far! They will make your life unbearable but if he is strong-willed and independent of his mum's choices, then you are good to go.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Maybe it's time to begin to shower that woman with love. Just might ake her fall in love with you. If after sometime, it seems not to work, you can leave if you want to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stella please post my long comment o. I wrote it from my heart.

      Delete
    2. @ metoyou some mother in law can be insatiable so if they go ahead and settle down,you and hubby should have each other's back and take care of your home

      Delete
  8. This is exactly what I am facing right now in my relationship of four years. I am Yoruba lady dating an Igbo guy (anambra). His family doesn't want him to marry Yoruba girl. He begged to wait that he going settle everything with his family this year but I am tired of everything right now

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Give him an ultimatum. I’m Igbo too, and I’ll tell you, if they refuse for one year, they’ll never accept

      Delete
    2. Just reading your write up... I could sense your heart. Anambra men... Hmm... Hope your man is strong enough to stand against his family

      Delete
    3. Anambra guy? He ain't gonna marry you sis.

      Those "mma - anyi siri" brothers don't even marry other Igbo states talk of Yoruba's (Ndi ofe mmanu to them).

      Save yourself heartbeat darling

      Delete
    4. Fun ara e ni brain o ore mi. Question is when this year? A whole year again?!?!? You’ll be a year older and another wasted year if things are still the same. Another year when you can meet that special someone. You’re just cock blocking yourself (if you know what I mean) Give him that ultimatum and time frame o hmm. Don’t let anyone waste your time this year. If you need to give him 1-3 months to decide then please do or At most 6 months (6 months is too long self). A man knows what he wants and goes after what he wants. No one can stop him if he’s adamant that he wants to marry this person. I’m worried about you sis. He’s playing games with your heart and emotions so you’ve got to decide asap. Goodluck!

      Delete
    5. I doubt if he'll marry you..especially ndi Anambra.

      Delete
    6. My sister, run oooo, I say run. Been there, done that. His mother will NEVER allow it. Do not waste your time. Bounce

      Sorry to say, but in all my years traveling to the varoous regions of Nigeria, those people's tribalism takes the cake.

      Delete
    7. I'm sure he loves you, that's why you've been patient with him, but the truth is, he won't marry you.
      Better leave now than waste another year of your life.
      Even if he gets his way with his family, they will never accept you. Believe me. They'd do everything to see that the marriage will break.

      Delete
    8. If the guy is from another state I would have asked that you give him time but it's rear for an ANAMBRA guy to marry an Igbo lady from another state how much more from another tribe so my sister count your losses and your gain and move on to avoid stories that touches but I wish you luck

      Delete
    9. Darling, dust your bag and slippers, adjust your bra straps and move. Those Anambra no dey marry outside.
      Read 15:53's comment very very well.
      Udo!

      Delete
  9. Forget all these, ur boyfriend never hammer more than his mum. if that boy ji ezigbo nku, na his mother go dive you.

    Lol, my mum that was saying never will any of his sons marry outside Anambra, when I carry my Enugu babe now wife come, she no even send what all those her friends and cliques were saying, she said highest they won't come or sew asoebi for the wedding. Lol Na she even organize the wedding. Her cliques even carry their daughters come for the wedding to catch my friends. Lol, anytime my siblings gist and demonstrate this eeh, na laugh everywhere o.

    Just jide nku di obere obvious, you go marry who you want.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your igbo made me smile , I really wish I understood/ could speak igbo I've a maternal great grandma and a paternal grandma but that's all I know looool.

      Delete
    2. When money speaks....

      Na so bro. We women and our wahala. Lol

      Delete
  10. Poster,it's well, I woul advise you to leave the relationship, but leave him through ghosting him
    Still remain in the relationship while you get someone else, start up a new relationship with someone else
    Babe it's not cheating oo as far as none has martied you yet, it's not cheating
    So get a new relationship, nurse it while still here and make sure the other one mum or family doesn't have issue.
    Wish you well baby ๐Ÿฅฐ

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear poster, whatever u do, DO NOT take this advice!

      Delete
    2. Why would she remain in a relationship where there’s no growth. Or you think everyone can handle different guys at once?? She should end the relationship if it’s not going anywhere.

      Delete
  11. Dear poster, this was what happened to me
    Le boo mum didn't approve of me cos if my tribe, but with prayers, she did
    Though I wasn't happy about she not approving initial but that's life
    I'm still praying for the best

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lord , I don’t know how you turned this woman around but please ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™do this for my sister , don’t let this year pass her by because of his mother, I know you can do it , I want to plan a wedding

      Delete
  12. Girls: my pastor said if we marry so and so would happen. I can't go ahead against my spiritual father.

    Guys: my mom/family is not in support of us. I can't go against my mother.

    The above are excuses each gender mostly use for breakups. The truth is that they don't just see themselves getting married to you. If they do, all what anyone else says won't matter. A person in love is a fool, all that matter is you and you alone, taking risk would come easily without having double thought. They use the above excuses to breakup with making you feel too hurt, so you don't feel like they never loved you, they're tryna make it see like they it was beyond their control..

    As for you poster, why you dey jump? Did he say he won't marry you? Why don't you both discuss everything before you jump to conclusions. I don't understand why you dey provoke.. what did he do wrong?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "A person in love is a fool" True but the fool kind of love is not enough for Nigerian marriage oh. Let's say the guy takes the risk and fights his family and marries her. The lady will always feel some type of way, the friction between her and his family may continue for years. If their love and prayer life ain't strong, it may even destroy their own home. Unless the hubby has the strength and passion of Peter Psquare to stay by her side against all odds. And the wife too needs to be strong hearted, won't work for overly emotional women. She go cry tire. That is in addition to other possible life challenges that may come as marriage progresses.

      But you're right that it is just excuse sometimes. I've dated an Anambra guy that used that line to break up with me (I am Imo State oh). I don't know if his parents or family ever said such but na so he talk. But yeah poster and her boo need to talk things through.

      Delete
  13. If you can fight emotionallly, keep going, but if you want peace, break it off and keep moving

    ReplyDelete
  14. Am also caught up in same situation ,my family disapproves of my man cos of his tribe ..... Sincerely it's hard to let go ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

    ReplyDelete
  15. Poster, to me I would say try getting to know his mum first before concluding......
    I know some mothers are terrible but she could come around you know ( that's if you truly want your boo)
    In my case, my mum is a tigress and old school!!!!
    Imagine someone learnerd that still believes in OSU (outcast) and some weird beliefs.
    Was so shocked when she allowed my brother marry a single mum, who was few years older.
    Tho, they started as friends but the lady wowed us all!! Infact, she is 9yards wife material ohhhhhh...
    I never believed, my mum would ever be receptive of such a person considering how well to do my brother is, but she gave her blessings and was the one urging my brother to marry the lady because her kind is rare.
    Good luck

    ReplyDelete
  16. My MIL never approved of me when I was dating the son and never hid her disdain of me. Initially, I broke things off with him but he kept coming around and I decided to face her headlong .
    She said over her dead body would the marriage take place and to my amazement,my guy who happened to be a mummy's boy and Aldridge her bidding but also loves me like mad stood up to her and told her it is only if he died before the wedding date that the wedding wouldn't take place ,with or without the parents.
    Their reasons:
    I wasn't behaving like a typical Yoruba girl who would be coming around to clean, wash clothes and cook when my guys younger ones were still living with them. To make matters worse, I insisted he left his apartment in their family house to rent his if he was keen on marrying me. This was another unpardonable sin. I couldn't be bothered though because I am tough like her, I don't take nonsense but I don't give it either.
    TBH, I've always had an issue with families who believe they've found a dignified maid when their sons get married, never done this and never would. This is prevalent among thevYorubas (e ma binu o).
    We've been for 28yrs and I never had a good relationship with my MIL till she died 3yrs ago but I ensured her son took good care of her she never lacked anything.
    Summary: It all depends on the woman if you have the emotional and spiritual strength to fight and the guy, if he loves you so jch to stick to you no matter what.
    If the guy was s worth the stress, and you have the energy, pls go ahead.

    ReplyDelete

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