Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

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Wednesday, September 14, 2022

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

 Hmmmmm.....





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
REGRET


Fifteen years ago I met a pastor who lost the wife at childbirth.

We started dating and were planning to settle down but my mom kicked against it saying she won't allow me marry a man who has kids whether the wife is dead or not .

I was already 31 at that time.

She came to Lagos and called me a prostitute. Nobody in my family supported us so I had to break up with him, and relocate to Benin.

I am 46 years old now I've had failed relationships since then, i am still single and still in my parents house.

Now some of my family are saying if they had known they would have supported me then.

He married someone younger than I and the baby the wife died giving birth to is 15.


Why didn't I ignore my mom? why?





Sometimes family can lead one astray .....what has happened has happened and there is no use living in regret.. make yourself happy please, Marriage is not a must...

54 comments:

  1. Not all the time family members are right, they might be giving you advise based on their selfish interest and misjudgement. Your conviction should have helped you here but what made you think your relationship with the pastor would have worked.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Na wa o.
      You would have gone ahead to marry him back then but its all good

      Delete
    2. Wetin be it’s all good?her mom and family members messed up if the only reason they didn’t allow you marry the pastor was cos he has a child.how many single and available men will marry a 46 year old woman?nothing is all good here abeg

      Delete
    3. Anonymous, she was 31 when he proposed marriage to her.

      Delete
  2. Hmmmm!The future is so unpredictable,I pray the Lord settle you soon with your own husband.

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  3. Exactly o,marriage is not compulsory.I'm more concerned about the fact that you're still living with your folks at your age..ah ahn.Please by all means start a legit work and earn money because even marriage without funds is not acceptable.With money you can get a man and be happy.
    Abi you thought a man will come and alleviate your life because I don't understand.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's not too late, you can still find your own husband and have your own family, don't be stuck on the past.

    Look to the future and fix your eyes on jesus the glory of the later shall be greater than the former.

    Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1. Stop giving her Hopes. It might never happen and as Stella puts it, marriage is not a must. I'm 39 myself, nearly got married at 21 but my father wouldn't have it. I used to be so anxious and restless for a husband when I turned 32 through to 36. Those periods were hell until I began to tell myself I'm enough, married or not. Now I'm at peace.

      2. She hasn't told you her eyes are not fixed on Jesus.

      Delete
    2. @16:47 pls don't give up hope yet. You're still in your prime and our God is still in the business of doing miracle. Even me that married at 32 i knew the mockery and insult i received from folks and colleagues. My prayers is that every single natured lady desiring marriage God will settle them this year even if they're 60 yrs old.

      Delete
    3. Yes o, God is still in the business of miracle. Got married at 43 to an amazing man, 7 years down the lawn and I never regret waiting for him. Man God come through for you.

      Delete
  5. Why would your mom called you a prostitute? From your narrative I think you're not financially bouyant else you won't be staying with your parents at your age.

    So sorry for your feelings but understand that not everyone will get married in life.

    I would have suggested you try adoption if there's money. I would have share a story now but too weak and not too strong to type much now.

    Women, if you ever take in while dating, pls don't abort it, give birth to that child. If you think you're aging and no suitors coming, if you have the finance, pls try adoption. Something happened last month here to a wealthy lady without family, siblings or even kids. I will make out time to share whenever I can.

    Engage your mind on other productive things and don't let it weigh you down into depression.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sometimes, if family gives no tangible reason for refusal, and you know your suitor is a correct guy, go ahead. It's either you regret not taking the risk, or you regret taking the risk. Choose your regret wisely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly, choose your regret wisely and own it with your full chest. Now, what's left to do is to quit the blame apportioning and ask yourself "what's the way forward?" instead of wallowing in self pity because clearly, nothing that you do now will succeed in turning back the hands of the clock ⌚.

      Delete
    2. My life is mine and I live it to my satisfaction. Sometimes, listening to family members can ruin a good opportunity for you.
      I hope your mum is very happy now.
      First, move out of your parents house please.
      Don’t give up on yourself, God still does wonders.

      Sluttychic.

      Delete
  7. Do not dwell in regret. It has happened. Try and let go.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Poster if he was yours he would be. Forget the past or it will only weigh you down and make it difficult for you to move on. Remember Stella's SnM will be done soon. Why not participate? Who knows what could happen. Aside from that, try to be more cheerful, outgoing and hopeful. You could meet him anywhere. My prayer for you is to come back to testify.

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  9. Wow Poster I sincerely apologize for how you are feeling..It is indeed hurting when you reminisce about lost opportunities especially in settling down for marriage...Yes you would regret your actions/inactions but don't be so hard on yourself...Could it be that you were looking for the same qualities of your ex in those men you had failed relationships with, but I won't dwell on that....

    However, please try and forgive your parents. Then, you will find love again irrespective of the time...I want you to realize that the pastor is not going to come back in your life..Stop keeping track on him and his family, you will keep hurting yourself...Go out more; social events, career fairs, church programme, make friends that will always make you feel good...Join volunteering services in your church or community, just live your life to the fullest...Love finds you when you ain't looking...Just involve yourself in selfless service...If you stay with your parents, you can decide to find a place of your own.

    If it is your desire to marry, believe that you will marry...And make God the center of your life, make him your all and all..He makes the best of friends...All the best and E-hugs

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  10. Anything can still happen poster, start by setting yourself up financially first then leave the rest for God..46 is not too late o

    ReplyDelete
  11. Please stop regretting,forget about the past and focus the future. I pray another serious suitor will come soon.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You’re holding yourself back with these thoughts
    Think about it. It’s 15 years. What’s stopping you from finding and marrying another. JLo is on her ....She probably regretted not marrying Ben over the years but when he was not available anymore, she married another and another

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  13. Hmm poster sorry about this, stop looking bad(it's hard not to but you have to try)
    Nothing is impossible with God, you can still be married if God wills.
    It is well

    ReplyDelete
  14. What if you married him and died?. What if you married him and something drastic happened and he died?. What if?. So many what if?. Let the past be past. God is the master of our lives. If that man was meant for you. Nothing will have stopped the Marriage. It's time to forget the past and move on. Yours will locate you. Keep your hopes alive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This! Poster, life itself is a gift. It means that we still have a chance to explore the world, have dreams, change career, work towards goals, right wrongs. You are alive and healthy. You still have time to marry if it comes, adopt if you want, or help raise your nieces/nephews if you have them, start a business, whatever. We won't have this chance in heaven, so live your life in full. Your time is now..

      Delete
    2. Pls just to clarify. Life in full doesn't mean a reckless life oh. I'm referring to the abundant life we already have in Christ (John10:10). A life of gratitude and purpose. Knowing your maker, bearing good fruits, using your talents and helping people. πŸ™πŸΎ

      Delete
  15. I'm sorry for your ordeal poster,but it's not too late to get yourself back up from the regret and move on, forgive your mom and family...make a conscious effort to leave your family house ,get something doing,go out the more, socialize and mingle ,stop pitying yourself pls.. good luck

    ReplyDelete
  16. It's so unfortunate this happened,but like Stella adviced it's never the end of the world.who says u can't still get a successful suitor at 46.age is nothing but numbers.be positive towards life.be prayerful,the right man will come

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  17. That how people lost out from the opportunity God have for them....it has happened my darling..God of second chance can still do it.

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  18. I'm sure that even your mum herself will be regretting badly now. It's painful but, the deed has been done & cannot be undone. Forget the past and focus on your tomorrow. Who knows, God may still have something good for you.

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  19. Hmmm,its well with you,ma'am.

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  20. I’m really concerned about why you are still living with your parents till now, please move out ,move on mentally from what happened in the past,forgive your family and pray for a better future,anything can still happen.

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  21. How can you be 46 and still be living in your parents house or did you say that figuratively? If it’s true you need to first break the yoke of stagnation in your life. That is actually what is holding you back and I’m afraid, you may not do so much about your marital status if that yoke isn’t broken. I stand with you in prayers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My thoughts too
      Poster you need to pray yoke breaking prayers
      Your issue is beyond just marriage
      How do you still live with your parents at 46? 46???
      No oh
      Enter fasting and prayers


      Mma Nwachukwu

      Delete
  22. Put yourself together. You will still find love by His grace. God is still in the habit of making marriages happening.

    ReplyDelete
  23. It is painful. Please try to move on from this. The Lord will make you smile again.

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  24. Please move out from your parents house first. It's never too late to find love and happiness. If marriage doesn't come, it's not the end of the world. My prayers are with you for peace of mind

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  25. Family members sha. Don't give up just yet.

    ReplyDelete
  26. You cannot dwell on that forever, poster. It just might not have been meant to be! Disconnect from your past, move out of your parents' house, connect with new people and live life each day as it comes while trusting God for the best. He will give you the best husband ever, with everything beautiful in double folds.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I think the issue is you staying with your parents.. what is that?????
    I guess that is why your mum called you a prostitute because you moved to Lagos..
    If you want to marry better leave that house. If she calls you a prostitute again, tell her she is the one behind you not getting married. She no go bother you again
    You have to leave that house

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  28. Poster please move on already. What if you had married the pastor and the marriage did not last and you end up as baby mama??. Just know your mum refusing you to marry the pastor was a coincidence you were not meant to be together.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Don't throw in the towel just yet,there is still hope for you to achieve what you desire,as long as you're still alive.Don't allow anyone make you feel bad or get depressed.If you think negative thoughts,you will get a negative outcome.Make yourself happy,attend weddings,go out,be happy and believe me in no distant time,your own man will find you,sending you love and light πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

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  30. This life is totally unfair to single matured ladies,everyone giving unsolicited advises you don’t want to hear again and also judging your past….so many prayers done and outings,but what can a beautiful lady do ?

    ReplyDelete
  31. Be happy dear. You will still get married.
    Don't forget I told you this today.
    Congrats in advance πŸ™

    ReplyDelete
  32. God will come through for you. What He cannot do does not exist. Don't live in regret. Give God praise for He will do and watch Him do it for you.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Poster stop the hardness on yourself ,the mistake happened long time ago do please do not let it frustrate you.

    If your family members are asking you not to marry someone please just ask them to get you a man then you can let him go. Some family members are the reason alot of people are not married, some are in a terrible marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  34. 46 and still living with your parents, are you that broke because I do not understand.
    Ladies please when you get to 38yrs and still single, as long as you have money try and have a child. Just one child and then you can go back to looking for love or Mr right.
    You would never regret that decision.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You’re right.
      My friend did this inspite of what people will say, but na she dey enjoy now

      Delete
    2. No oo they'll say they're still 'young'

      Delete
  35. I just want to give you a hug poster. You are loved. It's ok, it doesn't matter. Forget the past and look ahead, look to God. Some have deeper regrets, heavier burdens of dark secrets and murder sef. Yours is only a marriage opportunity you missed - it's not the end of life, it's not even a sin not to be married at 46. Rejoice, thy maker is thy husband.
    As someone else said, what if you did and it didn't turn out well? We just never know. Let it go...

    ReplyDelete
  36. It is well. Don't live in regret. Better things lie ahead. Move out of your parents house.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Poster, l feel ur pain, it's very hard to loose someone you love, and after that you couldn't get another all this years. If l tell you about my love life, the suitors l have missed, an Owerri man that stays in Germany propose to me, my family refused becos he had dread hair, and the guy is very responsible, l know him very well, he was my course mate in school, another one. A Jehovah witness, a lawyer they said no because the man drinks a lots, l sha reason with my family then, another one they accepted from Anambra state, after introduction, his sisters no let me drink water keep cup. My landlord son that stay abroad wanted to marry me 3 years ago, has also seen my family....the marriage no work. I had a terrible dreams about the guy, One woman in my church also introduce me to his son to marry, l started getting some revelations about him each time l pray. l now took the guy to my pastor, after much prayer, my pastor said the guy dey for cult, l run for my life abeg. Abi na pastors wey done propose marriage to me. I can't mention all here.
    I believe God will settle me this year.

    But my advice for you is to seek God in prayer and rededicate your life to God.
    Forgive your parents, change your dressing and socialize more.

    ReplyDelete
  38. If we only see the worse in things, we will miss the best part. It is not over Poster. Smile, Embrace God more, Look at His promises again concerning what you desire and keep confessing them. Engage in things you are passionate about and in no time all will settle. Hope Poster, Don't give up. Hugs
    .
    ~La creme

    ReplyDelete
  39. I realised on my own journey that if you desire a relationship that will lead to marriage, you need to put yourself out there. Physically or digitally. Your husband is not going to come and meet you in your room. Go out, socialise often, be active on social media.
    When parents push you against your will, respectfully push back especially when its not justified. Most of us are raised to be timid and cowering to our parents, and we call it 'respect'. If because of 'respect' you let your parents run your life and mess it up, by the time its too late, they will absolve themselves of responsibility and then watch you struggle to swim in the ocean they dropped you in. A lot of our parents are victims of their own obsession with control, fear, passed down stereotypes , childhood trauma from their own parents and lack of exposure. You need to first move out of that house and then get a mind of your own. At your age, your parents should not be 'allowing' you do anything, you are a full grown adult. Until you realise that and act accordingly, they will continue to treat you like a child. stand your ground even when its unpopular.
    A wise person once told me, while we all pray for long lives for our parents, they will not live forever and most of them won't outlive our forties and fifties. A lot of parents pass on and leave their children with the mess that they have created for them. Life is short oh.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Relocate to another state, there are no husband's in Benin city, na Yahoo guys full dere and get pregnant before you clock menopause, why didn't you try getting pregnant all these while

    ReplyDelete

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