Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Sunday In House Gists - Single Women And The Pressure To Marry..

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Sunday, December 11, 2022

Sunday In House Gists - Single Women And The Pressure To Marry..

Let's talk about the travails of single Ladies, especially older Ladies and the insults, and disrespect dished on them by society, friends and family members because of their single statuses...




Are currently single and under serious pressure to get hooked? who is pressuring you? Tell us about it and the decision you have made...

Or did you marry under pressure and regretting it? Did you marry under pressure and it turned out right? Lets gist!

87 comments:

  1. The pressure is getting really high. A staff in my son’s school approached me asking what cream she can apply so her color can atleast ’come out’ this Christmas so she can be able to attract a husband this Christmas’.
    I didn’t even know when I started laughing, and she was really serious.
    I feel her pain but then does color really attract husband ??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly men are superficial in many cases, she was trying to improve her chances

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    2. My dear Yvonne, if you can help her with suggestions, pls do.
      Some men look at the physical appearance first before looking at other things, some don't even look at other things, they are fine with the physical appearance that they are seeing.

      Delete
    3. Since my younger sister got married, my mother and family (except my late Dad) treats me like an outcast. My mother is worse. She will seat and instigate my younger ones to insult me like I am forgotten in life. She mocks me openly, call me names and all. If you reply her, she will tell people I am abusing her. I am 36yrs. For my sanity, I left home and rented somewhere I am managing. Learnt she tells people I am living single like Ashawo. It is well.

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    4. Pls cut her off. Work on yourself, God will bless you too

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    5. 18:09, my initial comment is for you, cut your mum off pls. Become more successful, success is the best revenge for them all. You will see them crawling to you to beg

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    6. You are lucky to have the money to rent, my mother even said she's not my mother, yesterday she even compared me to her maids she used to have, when I had I was good, they have taken and taken and now I have nothing I am a thorn according to her, a punishment from God.

      Delete
  2. Even when I was 20,I was already scared I wouldn't see husband to marry me. So I can understand the pressure of late marriage. I think its in our DNA to marry . But as the world evolves,some women that are independent can choose not to marry if they don't see a good man and since they can take care of themselves,they can have children as well as take care of these children. And who made me feel and think that I need to marry is my mum.

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    Replies
    1. Most likely because of your mom dear, not a DNA thing.
      At 20 if you carry marriage talk near me then I fit dash you slap. Even our youngest is still very single, working and living her best life. No pressure at all from anyone. My mom can only pray for you in her personal prayers but never raise that topic with any of us.
      My dad will even be treating you like he doesn’t want you to leave him and marry any man.

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    2. @Yvonne, I relate with the Anon, personally I felt more pressure to get married in my 20s than in my 30s.

      Though I am 32 now but when I was in my early 20s, I thought I had to do everything within my power to be married before 30. That was my mindset.

      So when I see comments about ladies in their 30s being desperate to get married, or that they wasted their prime at 20s, I don't relate to it.

      In short, I used to say if I wasn't married by 30, I would remain single for life. These days I am very intentional about who I date. I am not that intoxicated about marriage.

      So people defer from the general.

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    3. @Bee I’m glad you are in a much better place now than you were in your 20s.
      I hope our generation is able to do better as parents.

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  3. I am the one putting myself under pressure because I love love. I believe in marriage especially when you marry your friend. No one is putting me under pressure. If I sense any negative vibe from anyone in this regards. Na to cut off the person without looking back. No time to check time biko

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You'd get wrinkles quickly if you keep applying pressure on yourself.

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    2. I love this . No time exactly.. genuine real love will find us Zaza

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    3. Yes,the most important,is marrying someone who loves you MORE.a man who will be your best friend.am very much happy in marriage today cos I married my best friend.someone we could sit and gist together.although,we may have some arguments sometimes,but we settle almost immediately.
      Zaram, relax.keep trusting in God.the right man will find you soon.

      Delete
  4. Not under any pressure, I'm 38, single with a fantastic career in advanced medicine. I have 3 brothers and a sister, boys all married, sister has 3 kids with her partner, I'm the last child. My parents and brothers said I should just get pregnant and give birth that they'd care for me and the kid/s, if there's no man forthcoming. Honestly there's no pressure, always over pampering, and making sure no one is deceiving me. Maybe that's why I'm so relaxed and looking forward to having a child before my 39th birthday. I actually have a boyfriend whom I suggested that we be common law partners, he agreed, my mom was particularly excited when I told her, but my brothers and dad don't trust him, hence they said I should just give birth. The guys coming for me are way younger, the older ones are either married or single with tons of kids. Nah! One SIL wanted to advice on marrying, the resistance she met with, made her apologize for even suggesting that I go for deliverance. All I know is, at my age marriage hasn't been foremost in my mind, helping the sick, making money, staying healthy, having sex, are what matters, now having a baby is in my list. Life has been good to me so far, it's time I reproduce and have like 2 mini mees around. Sex and companionship comes at any age, so far you are open-minded.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love this. No pretense not deceiving anyone. Know what you want and go for it.. wishing you the very Best dearie

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    2. Whatever decision you take at the end, please make sure there's a father figure for the child, even if not your boyfriend, your brother can serve, and please give the person the chance to act like a father without trying to be too protective of the child, make the kid understand that that's who represents his dad, cos some kids can be a handful, them go rush with their sharp mouth talk say make the man no put mouth for their lives say him no be their papa..

      The reason most kids from baby mamas don't turn out well boils down to this, denying a father to be there for the kid,. however, the point is to make sure there's a father figure in the child's life, it's the balance needed for a child .. only you alone go mess up things..

      Bless✌️

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    3. I love you, so much😍😍😍

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    4. How I like like this! This is it. Life shouldn't be that hard nah

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    5. Your family is so open minded.Kudos!

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    6. It is good that you have a support system you can rely on. You don't have to wait if you don't want to.

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    7. Thanks Dante for your advice. I hope the poster listens to this.

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  5. I am in my 50s . Very single and a top working-class lady. I dont look my age though but in my office and neighborhood they all assume me to be a married lady.
    Back in 2009 i was given these expensive set of rings in preparation for wedding which did not take place. So devastated, someone arranged fake wedding certificate for me and did change of name in newspapers and submitted in my office.. I put on those rings for about 3 years and sold them off to a merchant in USA. I made some good money from it.
    Till now most ,,including neighbours see me as married woman.. only very few close friends know the truth.
    As for family, I am a lone ranger. They are not involved in my life.

    i am no more intrested in the marriage of a thing. But deep inside I am going through depression.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eyah. Sorry about what you passed through about the wedding that never took place.
      I'm concerned about your depression, don't you think opening up yourself to love with the right partner will help in that regard, you may not marry each other but you may come out of depression just being with him and being loved.

      Delete
    2. I love your honesty dear. It is sad hearing those deceiving others that they are happy. At least you admitted it and God will be your strength. By the way, my aunt married and 55 and still waxing strong. Never say never. I wish there is a way I can communicate with you. This level of honesty is very scarce these days.

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    3. Awww, have you tried therapy? Are you open to new relationships? Do you socialize? Please be intentional about fighting depression. You deserve your space in the world darling.

      Delete
  6. My own pressure was from my younger sister, as she got married before me. I'm 43ys now, single with 1yo triplets via assisted fertility treatment. She doesn't know what to say again, she wanted to castigate them with who's their father, of course their dad is very present and will always be present, although he is getting married soon to someone else since I wasn't keen. I do tell my younger trainees, if you have money and no husband, don't be sad, just use your cash to your advantage and you won't regret it. A woman is like a morning flower, use your hey days wisely, stop waiting, you may be lucky and have kids with your husband late after the long wait or you may remain lonely with no man, no kids. them plenty whom I know, they are waiting. I use Isha sesay as an example to my mentees. I hope to mentor them into strong willed women, not weak-minded ones who think they will die if they don't get married on time or at all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Congratulations on your triplets! Lovely. Please like Dante said try to make sure they have some type of father figure in their lives. May God see you through.

      Delete
  7. I am 33yrs and the only daughter of my parents. The pressure didn't start today, mum even called yesterday to say my dad shed a tear or two while asking himself if his destiny was different. Being a titled Igbo man and an elder in my Kindred, he has been to lots of traditional weddings but mine. Told them not to pressurise me biko, I can't wait to have my own family too but that doesn't mean I should follow any man that comes along.

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  8. The pressure is even felt by parents. In my case, none of us are married whereas the children of mum's friends and siblings who are younger than some of us are married with kids. My mum has been getting snide remarks from her now so-called friends and relatives because of this. One even insinuated my mum was jealous and trying to harm her kid. And this is someone that when she was going thru difficulties in the past, my mum moved mountains to help her and her family.

    We just encouraged our mum to keep her distance and leave matters in God’s hands. We would not go into bad marriages or break God’s laws just because of people's talk.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks a lot Stella for this topic.
    I won’t really say I have been under pressure by my family members but there’s this silent stare my sisters gives me when I’m around them,I will say more like pity.
    They are all married except our last and have very wonderful kids.
    I’m naturally a care giver so I find joy in assisting them whenever I can,the only thing they suggest sometimes is me getting pregnant at least.
    But how do I even start that one sef,I’m 42yrs,HIV+ most men I come across just feel like they are doing me a favor especially since I always disclose my status if we need to get serious,after disclosure they just run awayπŸ˜ƒ funny thing is I’m so pretty and young for my age and if I don’t tell you won’t even know. I have learnt to do me first, I cannot kill myself abeg.
    Then younger guys won’t let me breath but it’s still a cycle on it’s own. I have decided next year God’s willing I will be adopting a child.
    God has been faithful Stella that’s all that matters right now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God is with you.you will overcome and share testimonies.

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    2. Yes and also get kids through semination. I wish you the best life love

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    3. Stop disclosing your status pls, I tried it didn't work for me luckily for me I met someone who is concordant with me ,(same status) if you can adopt pls do . Sending you love and light it's well

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    4. Thank you all so much and a big Amen to all the prayers.

      Delete
  10. I am not under any pressure. We are just 2 for my parents who separated .I am older and over 40. No boyfriend, no child, infact no man in my life.

    I am not lucky with men so I rest my case.
    I have a good career in law and doing very well financially. But marriage is not forthcoming. I have tried since I finished Univ but all promise and fail.
    My brother is in his 40s too. No wife ,no child, no job. I sometimes feel its spiritual . In his case, he is not bothered. I have cried, talked to God, gone to different places for solutions, yet nothing. The worst is our mother is not even intrested in our predicaments, only what she can get from us. She is almost 70, no grandchild. No inlaw, no house, always disturbing me for rent money. I look at her with disdain. She has never spoken about marriage with me and it hurts me so much.
    She would have been the only one to put us under pressure but this is not the case. So nobody is putting me under pressure ,maybe I am the one putting myself as I think of my old age a lot. I am saving so much for my future to employ people to be with me at old age. I even contacted undertaker to sign agreement in case something happens to me. I am highly disturbed
    I have tried to adopt but not successful as the procedure is long and time consuming. I am still on it though. Please, yea all should pray for me. It's not easy living alone with no family to even call to check on you. If any one calls its asking for help . Its not funny .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. E-hugs dearπŸ«‚πŸ«‚

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    2. Why not relocate and birth kids if you want to

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    3. So sorry about your predicament.
      If adoption is taking too long you can try surrogacy.
      ❤️


      Push up (original)

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    4. This right here touched me πŸ˜”πŸ˜”

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    5. God has not forgotten you sis.just have faith in him and he will grant all your heart desires

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    6. May God come through for you hun,,,I will be praying for you boo.... nothing is too much for our baba God! But surrogacy can help too if you have the means .

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    7. May God come through for you πŸ™ πŸ™Œ

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    8. When you get home, you converse with career right? You need children. Stop deceiving yourself

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  11. I'm married, hubby isn't a bad person, navigating our marriage like every other couple. I got married in my mid 30s, the pressure was real, especially if you a bit well off, some people will keep saying "because she has money", I cut off a lot of people from my life cos they were coming with pressure.

    My advise to those still in the market is, just be happy and keep living your life, it will work out in due time, keep praying and believing, quickly cut off people that come around you with pressure, my husband found me when I was going to work, in other words, living my normal life.

    ReplyDelete
  12. What is more important to me now is securing the bag and the future for my unborn children. I don't want them to be born in this our naija.
    I'm not under pressure even if my mom is always taking out time to carefully and lovingly remind and advice me on finding an alternative man if my current man is not serious about putting a ring on it.
    But God is doing it, it will end in praise.
    But from people's experience I can say the pressure is wesser...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's well.The one who created you,will do it in his time.

      Delete
  13. I was under pressure by my family members and mum but when I almost got into depression abi will I say I was into depression and once I came out of it. I gave them all work to find me a husband man till date non of them has any good news to share with me.

    No more pressure from any of of my siblings right now just me waiting on God for love cos I want to settle down and have children.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He will do it.The bible says, without Faith,it's impossible to please God.just leave it to him.he will perfect all that concerns you.

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    2. From your mouth to God's ear πŸ‘‚ πŸ™ πŸ™Œ

      Settle ✔ ✔ ✔ ✔ Settle

      Delete
  14. My parents forced my elder sister to marry someone because she got pregnant for him. Someone who his own mother said was useless, paid for her bride price cos of shame of people talking and it made things worse.
    She is now the bread winner and the guy is as useless as a man can be. Married far below us in status and in sense. It affected the rest of us when men send people to our place for ijuese. They assumed we were all the same and married our younger cousins.
    Till today she doesn't understand the implications of her actions and acts like a snake to us. My parents have now learnt their lesson and only bring up marriage in prayer, for the last time they said it out loud, we cussed them out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You cussed out your parents for saying aloud their desire for you to be married.

      Men come to your family for ijuese and married your cousins instead?

      Oh girl, make una check una sef well.
      Today na Sunday abeg

      Thanks Stella for posting.

      Delete
    2. Sometimes Anon, when you have nothing to say, just read and move on. You don't know anything about me and my family so look to yours Oh girl.
      Thanks Stella for posting too.

      Delete
  15. The thing is ....if you're expecting a man to make you happy, you will never be happy. You have to have peace of mind with yourself as a person before you share your space with someone else.

    Marriage is a good thing with the right person but hell with the wrong person. And for some...death. Unfortunately most of you will marry based on 'my mates are married' or 'loneliness & depression' and end up worse than before. That's not a good thing.

    I believe that everything you're meant to have will come to you and when it does, you will know that God's delay is not denial but first be happy with yourself and live in the moment. A man will not make you complete...God completes and when he does it will be worth it.

    So enjoy your life and do you, the world will sort itself out.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I’m a single mum and I have no pressure to get married but I put myself under pressure to get married because I’m tired of being alone with no one to talk to. I crave companionship, a ride or die and a bestfriend. I grew up an only child and basically walk alone till date. I’m 35 years old and my child is 8 but within myself I’m extremely happy and my child is happy. Few years back my mindset was I need a man to be happy but I changed that mentality and now make myself happy infact I spoil myself with everything, a nice house, a nice car, trips aboard 2/3 times a year always.

    I have a great job and doing so well in it with good pay infact we lack nothing. I think men don’t approach me because I look too young for my age, my ex that served me breakfast last month told me I look 18! We broke up after 2 years on and off because he said he doesn’t want to get married. He also has a son and a babymother but refused to talk about her and their situation to me at all which was a red flag to me anyway.

    To keep myself busy this year I started my own business on the side and my child helps me and I pay my child for helping me. We made some good money too lol. I also did a course where I had classes one day a week for the whole year. I did all this to keep myself busy and not think about the fact that I’m single and unmarried.

    I know God will do it soon as he told me everyday in the month of October He will do it so I’m rest assured! My mother well she doesn’t want me to marry she hates me because she hates my dad so I had to cut her off.

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  17. Then don pressure me tire. I am 45 if God say I go marry fine if not no wahala.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pls if you are ok financially, have a child or two. You would be fine.

      Delete
  18. My dearest Stella in my mid 40s and I am the happiest woman on earth right now. I am living my life on God’s terms and thankfully the only person that was making me pressured to marry is gone. There are good men out there,most of them are taken, now the yeye ones full everywhere. I travel the world and currently working remotely Nigeria . I had almost 6 suitors at a time and my Pastor asked to go and πŸ™, I now told God if it’s my money and family status they are after, God should take away the job. I am a loyalist to the core and I did not want any man marrying me for what I am bringing to the table. The pressure on my job now became too much, as I told them that I resigned my job because of stress and told them, no more support from my family, because they all know my brother and sisters are very wealthy. They all Japaed o .
    I have been celibate for years, because I am a highly spiritual person. I get a lot of toasters, but I have realized, that I am overly happy as I focus on my businesses globally. I noticed that men bring unnecessary drama into my life; I hardly cook, I always do take out and the two things I hate most in my life is unnecessary sex and domestic work. I nor come this life come stress myself. I just relocated to a new environment, now so all the guys Dey my case, but after the last betrayal from a man that we were good friends for almost 20 years; I focus on my service to God and my career. I can work for 3 months and travel the rest of the year vacationing and doing things for God! In am not cut out for stress. I have lovely nieces and nephews that love me scatter and my brothers don’t joke with me. I have so much love from my Pastors as well . I only pray πŸ™ for God’s perfect will to be done. I do not belong to the school of thoughts that believe children are for old age and I have a covenant with God, of no child outside wedlock, hence I am good. I have my real estate investments and my pension for my old age. I will only marry , when I find someone with like minds like me. Who is never materialistic and loves God. Shalom

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    Replies
    1. Sis our mentality is exactly the same especially your last line. Unfortunately I’m female and mid 30s haha.

      I’m extremely spiritual too and don’t joke with God!

      God will perfect all that concerns you and I!

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    2. My dear @ 19:11 you will marry very soon, you will meet someone before June next year and marry! I decree for my younger singles and they are all getting married, as I hate when people live in fornication, as it opens dark portals for dark energy to enter people’s lives; Like Abraham prayed for those barren Kings and their wives conceived. It is well with my dear. Shalom

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    3. Thank you so much sis and Amen! I will soon testify and when I do I will refer back to this post. I have saved the link.

      I believe you will also testify very soon in Jesus name AMEN❤️

      Delete
  19. This made me remember the chronicle of few days ago of a lady of 29yrs whose mother won't let her drink water and drop cup just because she is not yet marry. This thing happens mostly in African the most people that make you feel as less human being is still your fellow women either at work, at home , in the family, at a social gathering, on the social media. So sad.
    Any single lady that allows anyone pressure her into marriage just know what ever you face in that marriage, you are facing it alone .

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  20. I got married at almost 30. External pressure was subtle. Internal pressure was high because I desired to marry before age 30! That was an error. Setting that target put me under self inflicted pressure. I was working and was taking care of me so I really wanted to have my own family. I thank God for the gift of my own family. Pressure can become an advantage. The mockery and snide remarks from Hannah's co-wife pushed her to God who gave her Samuel. My prayer for the singles who desire marriage is that the pressure you face will work for your good. Take those pressure to God.

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  21. I'm 33 and very single. In my case, I have an elder sister who is 38 and unmarried, and l have come to understand that is spiritual because one my aunt's from my paternal side is a single mum of 3 while the other is in her 40s and unmarried.
    When I was in my mid 20s, l had a guy on my case but was not interested in him and the marriage. Now that I need the marriage, it wants to take forever to come. I have been praying seriously against spiritual husband because I sometimes get molested at night. This is even worst after praying at night.

    A friend advised I appease them, but I can't afford it as I heard is expensive, so l decided to take it to God in prayer. I won't lie this beings are powerful, but I believe my God will deliver me and my sisters for good. BVs put me in your prayers.

    The worst part is the pressure is getting too much by internal and external friends and family plus people marrying on a daily.

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  22. I am here to read lies from those above 40, single and no children. Continue...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah Ah, what is your problem. But why will they be lying?

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    2. Anon 22:56, may life not humble you before you learn how to talk, people in difficult situations are making the best out of their lives and you are mocking them.

      Delete
  23. How can a lady still be single at 35? I don't understand it

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    Replies
    1. The same reason men can be single at 35.

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  24. I am not under any pressure to marry from my immediate family members, I was under pressure to marry from relatives that were not my immediate family members in the past and snide remarks from old friends. I cut them all off. I told my Mum since I’m already in my late twenties then, why marry under pressure and make mistake, I’d rather get it right or not marry at all when my mum wanted to pressure me, so she backed off. I guess am the one putting myself under pressure to marry now cos of the need to have my own children but I have handed over everything to God and asked for his will only to my done in my life maritally and in all areas of my life and I know God will settle me soonest.

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  25. The pressure for marital settlement is real. And it's not specific to only the female gender. Even men feel such pressure too.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I am 36. I am under immense pressure. People coming and asking me to do diabolical things to marry. Asking me if I am no cursed. This year in particular, I heard things. I went home and wept. Many times, shame sef. Then the loneliness. Especially when it is raining. I distract myself with television and movies. I know God will answer me.

    ReplyDelete

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