AGE FEARS
Hello Stella, please I need sincere and genuine answers from you and my fellow bvs.
Hello Stella, please I need sincere and genuine answers from you and my fellow bvs.
It's about my age difference with my fiancé. He'll be 39 this year and I'll be 24; he's 15 years older.
Sometimes I do feel he's way older than me which to me might pose as a challenge/problem in the future. For instance, in his late 40s I'll be in my early 30s.
We plan on tying the knots in April this year.
I really need to know if our age differences matters at all or I should just wave the thought.
PS: He's an amazing fellow plus he ticks all my boxes of the qualities I need in a man.
*Please wave the thoughts and plan towards your wedding with a free mind...For some age matters if the older one is always sounding it out that they are not mates with you and you have no right doing certain things.
Please know also that a happy marriage is not age dependent.....move on from this thought!!!
I'm a 39 year old female and this made me lol that a 39 year old is seen as old 🤣🤣 hmmm where did time go?
ReplyDeletePoster Stella has said it all, if he loves and respects you then you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
I know🤣 But I guess if she is following average life expectancy publication for Nigeria, then 39 could be viewed as hella old.
Delete39 is old to her cus she’s putting her age into consideration
DeleteDear poster, why date someone that old if age was an issue to you, I think you are just having cold feet and trying to make sure you check all the nooks to make sure there’s no crack or anything that may lead to one.
The age gap is a lot for me but you have dated him for a while and should know his character…since you haven’t noticed anything that could sinister I don’t think you should worry yourself
Congratulations in advance
Push up (original)
"he ticks all my boxes of the qualities I need in a man". This is more than enough.
ReplyDeleteMyy How long have you been dating?
ReplyDeleteAnalyse how he has been treating and relating with you over this period.
Also, is he mature? Is he forgiving etc.
Does his appearance worry your u?
Are you on the slim side or plump and vice versa
Most times, the older the better. Not in all cases though
A close female friend of mine married a much older man, turned out to be her best decision over. He challenged and supported her to be her best version. Now she is a much respected person in her state, with a thriving law firm. Our other friends that tried to discourage her from marrying him because of the age difference are still single and struggling.
Delete17:22 you see 👏👏👏
DeleteYou need not ask about the age difference ..
ReplyDeleteYou don't need this if truly you love him....let go of your fears..
He ticks all your boxes. So if we say the age difference is huge, you’d break things off?
ReplyDeleteWhat challenge/problem will a mere number pose?
Some of you do not have a mind of your own...that alone is a red flag.
Sluttychic.
If he has money then u r okay, even if he is stingy to you, assurance fit land your children and there4 you, but if you wan do bob builder dey build with a broke much older guy, please do but dont complain.
ReplyDeleteYes men calculate these things very well. He fit don bank on you that if he retires at 60, you go still dey 40 to work for him.
Yes men calculate these things very well. He fit don bank on you that if he retires at 60, you go still dey 40 to work for him........
Delete...........Not just work, she go be driver, nurse, mechanic, cook, cleaner, religious leader for the family and farmer too. And she fit get 3 other wives join her too sef. ask laila ned nwoko
Men dont fall in love, they calculate every thing.
Hahahaha🤣 this is why i jejely married someone my age. 15 years is a lotttt poster! He might not respect your opinion as a wife as he’ll feel you’re not mature enough. This age difference worries you obviously so think am well oo.
DeleteAs long as he has all the qualities you want in a man, you don't have to worry about the age difference. I wish you a happy married life in advance.
ReplyDeleteDo you have other reasons you’re concerned
ReplyDeleteCause your question at this 98th hour is somehow
if your man is not robbing the age thing on your face, not making statements like we are not age mate then you are good to go. Age is just a number and not really the main thing. As long as you both treat each other with respect, love, and understanding then you are good to go.
ReplyDeleteHope your man does not abuse you cos you are younger. you said he is a nice fellow so why are you afraid of the age difference? Matured men are better in marriage than with most younger guys.
She said he is an amazing fellow and ticked all of her boxes. It didn't read like he is doing anything evil to her.
DeleteMy dear, why would you question something that ticks all of your boxes? Even with him being 15 yrs older than you, best believe that you could die before him. If you have something good that you cannot find any fault with then treasure and protect it. Don't go seeking for problems where none exists.
ReplyDeleteIf you are more concerned about practical matters like sex life and physical attractiveness as he gets older, just have him maintain physical activeness and eat healthy. Some men in their 50s and 60s are still laying pipe even better than those in their 20s and 30s. Staying away from alcohol and smoking helps a lot with that. As long as he isn't a heavy drinker or smoker he should be good in the bedroom for decades.
Yes. As long as he eats healthy, his sex life will be okay and lit 🔥
DeleteYea only if he decides to do all of that. Why put that on her?? It is absolutely not her job to force him. Even if she does and Oga says no nko? Then what?? Na she go dey be care taker plus kids. 15 years is a lot in my opinion. Max should be 5 years older and 5 years younger if the guy is mature enough to handle an older woman.
DeletePoster Going by what you have told us: Yes, the age difference is a lot however how does he treat you? Does he take your suggestions or denigrate you with ''small pikin'' mind...How is his character? Is he kind to you and show sincere care and affection to you?
ReplyDeleteBut really look critically if he meets 65% of what you want in a man and if he is the will of God for your life...I hope you have something doing - a trade, job or business....Make sure you are a whole woman before you meet a whole man.
I wish you all the best...Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.
Are you done with schooling?, Do you have a secured source of income?, If yes, go ahead.
ReplyDeleteHappiness matters and wait I thought women do say AGE is a number or it is only when they are older than the man ?just go ahead and be prayerful
ReplyDeleteIf you're experiencing hesitancy towards your fiancé 2 months to your wedding date...then it's safe to say that, you may want to pump the brakes. There is clearly an issue there, or you wouldn't have written this chronicle.
ReplyDeleteAt 39, he has lived and experienced more in life than you. Depending on the age that you began dating him, he may have "molded" you to be his 'ideal' woman, rather than you just naturally being so. That can pose a problem later on, because you may wake up one day and realize that your life was forced upon you.
Gbam! Dude was 15 years old when she was born. A 15 year old child is already experiencing teenage life/experience. Think am well poster and pray about it. If this is an issue for you now, then it will be later trust me. You’re young and you will find someone your age bracket.
Deletesame age difference between my husband and I. He’s a great guy.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing there is that interests may likely differ, what may be of interest to you may sound childish to him more often than not.
I love to go on dates and travel every once in a while but to him these are trivial things he would rather keep investing and buying lands every where, he s educated. Even when I opt to pay for dates and trips he’s just not interested. Im in my early late 20s he’s in early/mid 40s. It makes me sad sometimes but I try to focus on my blessings instead.
I noticed that my friends that mostly enjoy these things married men within their age bracket so the interests are usually common.
Go do these things with your friends
DeleteYou might make a great travel
My friends husband is a good man but doesn’t like eating out or traveling
She and I have gotten really close cause we do those things together
Now tho she has become more like him these days lol so I’ve made new travel buddies
Exactly poster, this is the major difference you will encounter so long you two are true and good to each other. Please go ahead and marry your man. No two people are entirely compatible but being good to each other and patiently building each other up is what counts. Please don't allow your friends dictate or influence the goings-on in your matrimonial home.
DeletePlease protect it at all costs because immaturity can destroy a good partner and marriage.
You must agree with each other to successfully walk together in marriage.
24 to 39; is too much of a gap. Why not a woman in his bracket! Tomorrow you will now start looking at your mates with young er husbands! What do you guys have in common! For me, anything over 10 years is too much! The Bible is my standard Abraham and Sarah, 10 years difference, Isaac and Rebecca 10 years difference! 39 is not old, but he should look for his age bracket to marry!!!
ReplyDeleteToh, he don mess finish with them come wan marry youngie
DeleteAnything more than 5 or 6 years is pushing it honestly. 10 years is still a lot
DeleteBoyfriend younger than girl friend, they will write chronicle. Girlfriend younger than boyfriend, they will write chronicle.
ReplyDeleteLife no balance
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I don't know who whispered something in this poster's ear because she still cannot state one flaw with the man. It is not his fault he came on the planet sooner than she did. And he is not robbing the cradle so to speak. The age gap is big, but it is not astronomical. She ain't marrying her ancestor or a grandfather.
DeleteMy boyfriend is 13 years older than I but we are good.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a stream of income.
ReplyDeleteMen who usually marry women much younger than them is about control.
The truth is you probably have nothing in common, when you sit down, what do you discuss.
When you say he's "nice", what exactly do you mean?
Because I've come to see when a Nigerian woman says a man is 'nice' its usually because he spends money.
He may tick the boxes of what you want but does he tick the boxes of what you need?
I wish you the best.
Not true oo!! My dad is way older than my mum but nah she Dey run the house
DeleteTrue Anon, especially My Tribe Men dem.. That was part of what led to the collapse of my marriage . "Control" I cant work,
DeleteCant get anything I need for Myself except he buys it for me., I cant make a contribution to any decision because i be small geh then. That's why in my comment I asked you how he handles issues. To cap it all, he was also 16 years older than I was 🙄
It matters to you but not to him. You seem to be having cold feet about the whole age difference. 2 months to your wedding and you suddenly realized he is old. Sister, pray!
ReplyDeletePls get such thought off your mind. Age is nothing but a number. As long as your man fits into all you desire,then you should relax and be grateful to God.it will all end in praises.goodluck dear.
ReplyDeleteNope. I never advise this. But I'm not you and not the one in the relationship. I hope he puts ur needs above his ego tho.
ReplyDeleteNo laid down manual to marriage. You said he ticked your boxes, then by all means go ahead. Wishing to u a positive journey.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is 16 years older than I am. My marriage is 10 years and it's been a beautiful one and I will marry him over and over again.
ReplyDeleteI fact, he is the answer to the prayers I never made.
He respects me, supports me, takes good care of me,my gist partner, he's my best friend, my prayer partner, he's my everything.when I am sick he takes proper care of me.
The only thing is that he does not like going out like that but encourages me to if I am interested in going anywhere cos he has never stopped me from going out.
My only prayer is for God to bless us with the fruit of the womb cos I know he will be a great father.
NOTE : the fault is not his. I have 25% chance of getting pregnant and he has never rubbed it in me but what God cannot do does not exist.
So, poster if he respects you and loves you, please go for him.
Lucky you poster. Praying to God for the fruit of the womb Anon. Have you guys looked into IVF? Or adoption?🤷🏽♀️
DeleteI am a man.
ReplyDeleteIn marriage, age is more than a number. At the beginning, it may not matter. Along the lines, it does.
First, most of my mates who married our age grade (even secondary school class mates) the women look generally far older than the men.
Second, most of my female secondary schoolmates married to older men now look much older than me back home so much that my cousin warned me to be mindful who I genuflect for because I am older than some of them.
Third, unless Poster takes good care of herself and has the genes, sooner, the age gap will not be as so visible to worry her.
But till then, since she is worried, it may affect the marriage if she keeps her worry. My wife is far younger. I quickly noticed that she never wanted to walk side by me in our neighbourhood. I spoke up. She denied. Now, when we go out, I tell her to go ahead out of our area. Life is to sweet to layer it with stress. And I don't bother on social outings anymore unless very important family related outings.
My wife now wants to phone play with single male of her age. I mean pick up phone and gist about non-beneficial matters. Her reason is that she likes making friends. She now thinks she is missing out on what her age mates are doing playing with boys who talk nothing than flex and I want to know you better.
Age Gap widens the difference between couples especially on money matters. As mentioned by a Bv above, I will invest money than travel because the older is nearer retirement and in seasons of recession, men find it harder to get work. The older also find it harder to bounce back from financial setbacks because of working time limits.
The real question here is why the age matter at 2months to the marriage ceremony?
Poster, is there something you held back?
If you have serious doubt, sit down and discuss with your man before going on; particularly if your IV has not gone out.
And no. I did not marry my younger wife for her to feed or care for me in older age. My experience in marriage and what I read women say here made me double my investment in bush lands to secure my older age without recourse to her.
What a great post! Thanks for sharing the male insight and your own experience. Such a worthy addition to the comment section. Wonderful✅
DeleteIf the younger wife you married is not proud to walk with you outdoors and prefers to gist with single men what does that say?
DeleteThis is why I tell men and women to marry not to far from their age grade busy someone who is embarrassed to be seen with them in public or married for pecuniary purposes.
Apart from sex, what do people in different seasons over their lives have in common?
This life ehhhnnn. You don't want to marry someone that will look older than you, you go marry smallie wey don realise sey she never live life. Now you know anything can happen. Honestly those that get it right are blessed because sometimes even with too much calculations people miss it. She probably gave out some funny vibes before marriage that you ignored because you wan marry smallie. All the best sha. Once I notice you are ashamed of me in public, then I know that such person can never make a worthy companion.
DeleteHow does he treat you? How does he handle issues? Sometimes age is not maturity . You must have been with and studied him for a while and he ticked all the boxes? Then why the fears? Go rock your Man baiby...
ReplyDeleteThis is what I was saying in yesterday's chronicles. The less details the poster gives, the harder it is to advise adequately.
DeletePoster be ready to be pregnant every year cos he will use you to recover his lost years. That is what they do. They marry the very younger girls for childbirth. They also will turn you into a house wife to take care of your kids with no house help to assist. This is the story of someone I know. Brace up cos he will use you and control you. I might be wrong though. I wish you the very best.
ReplyDeleteThe age gap is too much for you? Then why did you allow the relationship to sail this long if you are not comfortable with men that are way older than you? How did you fall in love with someone whose age gap with yours you are not comfortable with?
ReplyDeleteI guess you are not in love and you have never been in love with him, because I don't get why age gap should give you concern when it has to do with someone you claim you love. I believe you only wanted to chop and chop pending when you find your type of man then you chop and clean your mouth .
See you. You want to use age as an excuse now that he has proposed you.
I hope you don't stress him in that marriage if he truly loves you.
She don dey realise sey she go miss some things.
Delete