I lost my mum in 2021 and i am yet to recover from that trauma.
I always pray for the kind of marriage my parents had, we never heard them argue or shout at each other all through 45 years of marriage. Few months after my mom's demise, my dad started dating this woman, he is 80years old.
My mum was always the one calling us on our birthdays to wish us happy birthday right from childhood till she died, my dad is very caring, always providing but he doesn't remember any of our birthdays except my mum reminds him.
The second woman's birthday is this Sunday, to my chagrin, my dad called us that we should celebrate her,( this is the first time my dad will remember somebody's birthday apart from his own) I don't know why i am not so crazy about this new woman because my dad has never called us to remind us to celebrate my mother when she was alive.
My dad is a very good man, my late mum is more sacrificial. I find it strange and decided i am not going to call her.....
I was in a coma late last year, they thought I won't make it, but God's mercy brought me back, she never called all through the period I was in emergency neither did she call when I was discharged.
My birthday was afterwards and she didn't call me too.
I am sorry I dish people the same energy they give me, I don't need her validation, i am not offended I just feel she hasn't really done anything significant for me to celebrate her, am I wrong?
Hmmmmm, Your Dad moved on really fast oh!!!
I understand where you are coming from but dont count any wrongs on her...Just call her to wish her a happy birthday and move on.... If she is the one making your Dad happy now, just accept her for peace sake:
I know that you are still hurting from losing your mum but your father is seeking approval for his new life, give him your Blessings so that he can be happy.
You are not doing anything wrong. Do not call her.
ReplyDeleteSluttychic.
Gbam,, I support you slutty.
DeleteMe won't call her too.
Simple! Please don't call her.
DeleteSometimes, we need to understand people's state of mind, this is an 80 years old woman, who may have children and grand children that takes care of her and looks after her, for her at this point in her life to be seeking your approval or trying to woo you for your dad's sake is meaningless to her. Although she should have shown concern when you were ill, hey, Two wrongs cant make it right. See her as an old woman you need now as she makes ur dad come alive again. I wished my dad had done same and be alive now, but my mom died October 2017, Dad died April 2019. If you have to pay this price to keep one parent alive, pls i beg you pls do, I miss my parent and I always wished that at least one of them was alive for just advice. Simply sending them money then, gives me great joy, hearing them say God bless you, your children will take care of you, that pray meant so much to me. I weep as I type. Please keep your father alive and dont let any issue stop you from it. Trust me, your dad needs that companionship, someone to talk to, to give him small wahala self to keep him going and looking forward to next day. Stella I wished my Dad had moved on even 6 months and to still be alive. Woman can continue longer without a partner but most men cant.
DeleteI preach love and forgiveness all the time but Walahi I won’t call, let me not even lie.
DeleteI am not even angry with your dad cus new love can be exciting but how can you be discharged and she never reached out?
I think it may hurt your dad if you don’t so kindly make him know why you won’t be calling
Push up (original)
Even me I won't call her. Don't call her. Where was she? When u were on sick bed.
DeleteI believe it would be nice to call her ,,, At least she is saving.u d children d cost of paying a carer,,, OR a member of d family to look after him till 200 years old.
DeleteGbam!
DeleteBut wetin 80 years old dey find again??
DeleteGod abeg!!! Call her as per?? She should wait for her boyfriend. God abef
DeleteCall her as per what? Your mum ignore all your dad flows thus she stayed that long married, the woman means nothing to you, let her children and your dad celebrate her... But come to think of it your papa get mind.., hmmm my dear ignore
DeleteCall who?
DeleteYou had better face front before your enemy enter come again.
God gave you another chance to live and you want to spend the precious time you have left on earth on somebody who no send you?
You well so?
You were in a coma the person did not reach out, even 4 naira text message.
You had a birthday, even WhatsApp message that is free, she no send.
Hehehee I I kuku like myself.
I am a master of returning the exact same energy you give me.
You call, I call.
If you place me as a priority, I do the same to you.
If you ignore me I I mentally delete you from existence.
Let mr focus on the people who focus on me.
I no go ever ever ever do pass myself.
For the sake of your dad, call her. You are doing it for him.
ReplyDeleteJust a brief 1 minute call that's all. Then, face front.
For your dad, I guess it's new love sharking him. But come to think of it, this woman makes him happy and Keep him occupied. I promise you won't prefer a grumpy sickly, whinnying, lonely old ma. Who would keep all his children on edge at their various location
When she was in coma can't she come for the sake of the man she dating nor call to check on the family. Love shouldn't one sided. When u love someone, you love everything about the person.
DeleteAbeg writer face front no call anybody.
The most painful is that I lost my elder brother some weeks ago,we are still in shock,and he is saying we should celebrate her,for what exactly?
DeleteYour brother too just died? Tor
DeleteYou are in a state of mourning na, has she called you
Wo
Push up (original)
Oh dear! Take heart poster.
DeleteSorry o, if it's me l will not call or celebrate her birthday. Will just carry on like nothing happened.
ReplyDeleteIf she's pained and has the guts to ask, I'll just tell her that what is good for the goose is also good for the gander.
Hmmmm.......
ReplyDeleteI could have said you should call her due to courtesy and home training but if you were in the hospital for days for a life threatening reason and she never called let's even leave out her coming, then she does not deserve a birthday wish from you.
Your father didn't force her to call you or tell her to come check on you but he is telling you guys to do so for her. Is like love is taking your father to where he does not know.
When your father asked you to call her, you would have asked if she did when you were ill
DeleteCome to think of it, did she know you were ill?
There's no love there, it's just a new pussy. Men and sex!!!
DeleteMiss Ess you conveyed my thought. Call your Dad and express your disappointment on why she never called when you were ill. tell him to wish her happy birthday for you.
DeleteI wonder how some people are able to move on so quickly after losing a spouse
ReplyDeleteI wouldn’t really blame you but I’d just say stay safe.
I wondering the same. What 80 yr old man needs anybody new after 45 years of marriage. Imagine he didn’t even give the wife a year of mourning out of respect for her and their children. Foolishness, then want the children to remember this woman when they are still dealing with the death of their mum. Because he could have moved on in no time, doesn’t mean they can. On top of it the poster is still healing, why even call her to remind about this for, she of all the children should be left alone.
DeleteI believe her that he is a good father, but definitely has some shitty ways outside of that.
Let us hope the said lady wasn’t his side chick because I’m wondering how she came into the picture so swiftly. Na wa sha
DeleteChronicles like this breaks my heart. So sorry about your mum’s demise, please just do what will make you feel better and not out of compulsion and grudgingly.
ReplyDeleteSending you my love🤍🤍🤍
Proud Nigerian
Abeg return that energy and add jara to it. She didn't call you after coming out of coma? Ha! She isn't a nice person please. You don't owe her anything. Face your father and relate to him as you ve always done. By the way,what is an 80 years old man doing in a relationship? See how this old man will go and bring a Jezebel to scatter his happy family all because of his 'feelings'. Heaven knows a 50 year old widow won't even be encouraged to be in a relationship 20 years after her husband's death.
ReplyDeleteImagine it, and which woman is checking for any 80 yr old man unless she is a fortune hunter. Even I that like older men have my limits.
DeleteIt’s ok to grieve your mother for as long as you want to grief. It is also ok to come to terms with the reality of a stepmother at your own time. Allow yourself process every experience without rushing the process because of external factors. Everybody will be fine. Focus on your self and be in touch with your feelings and their whys.
ReplyDeleteYour dad at 80 had no business getting involved with anybody, especially few months after your mum passed. I cannot stand shit like this, if he needed someone to check on him to make sure he is safe that could be easily arranged without the need for a romantic relationship.
ReplyDeleteThe woman is not his wife, she is not part of your family per se, and it is wrong for your father to force his adult children to remember anything about this new woman while the death of their mum is still fresh. Don’t do anything you do not feel like doing. My dear, you are still healing, don’t take on any stress on you. I am happy to know that you got a second chance at life, all the best.
Your father i z 80 and still smithen with love wow.
ReplyDeleteI guess the woman is mature too, poster overlook this attitude if hers and call her, anytime u travel to see ur dad and new wife, call her aside a night before u will go back to base and tell her how hurt u felt that a mother like her did not bother to reach out to you when u needed it, don't make ur relationship with her awkward, ur father will die one day and guys will be left with her, funny enough na una go take care of her till she dies, if after talking to her and she refused to change, mind ur bizness then, but I'm advising you to calm down, i know u are hurt by your mum's demise but pls stop the comparison, it will keep breeding hatred in ur heart for this woman.
She should call someone that never called to check up on her even after recovering from a coma? You people are really taking this heavenly race serious. Can never be me
Delete“ funny enough na una go take care of her till she dies, as what? . Paprika your comment eh, na wa.
DeleteI treat people exactly how they treat me....
ReplyDeleteU r not doing anything wrong
Your mum is gone and is not coming back. Your father is an old man and I believe the woman too is not young, so you and them are not in the same place/levels/priorities. So stop dragging anything.
ReplyDeleteFrom your write up, your Dad is not a bad or selfish father and also treated your mum right when she was here. Your priority at this time should be his health and general wellbeing. Or does he have enough wealth you think he may likely leave for the woman instead of his children? Otherwise you may need to indulge him and call the woman. Move on.. soon all of them will be a thing of the past and life continues with other challenges.
Don't call her. Explain to your dad you have nothing against his woman and you are happy for them but you cannot because that wasn't done for your mum so you feel guilty doing that for another woman
ReplyDeleteDo you know for certain that she knew you were in a coma? If your dad is the only communication intermediary between you and her, he might not have told her you were hospitalised.
ReplyDeleteShe may be asking after you guys (ie. the kids) constantly...but if his answer is always, "they are well/fine"...then she is not to be blamed for not reaching out. There are some people that will answer, "I am fine", even whilst being wheeled into surgery.
As for the birthday wish, a simple text or 60 second phonecall doesn't take anything away from your life.
You mentioned she didn't call you for yours. Have you specifically told her your birthday? If not, then how would she know the date? Your own dad doesn't even remember, so he is definitely not going to be able to tell her.
Taaahhhh if I were in your shoes ehn, if I call her make I bend. My reason is simply because I follow people the way they lead. How can I go through such a terrible phase and you never called me and somehow I am expected to wish you a happy birthday? What for exactly?
ReplyDeleteIs your dad wealthy?
ReplyDeleteI’m just here wondering what kind of mature woman will start dating an 80 year old few months after he lost his wife.
Unless maybe they were already dating before your mom died and only made it official afterwards.
If he’s wealthy sha, make una shine eye oh.
Meanwhile call her and be very nice to her. Thank her for taking care of daddy.
Keep your friends close and your ‘enemies’ closer!
Thank you! He is very wealthy
DeleteMy dear
DeleteThe same happened to my father inlaw
At 65 he met one 38year old, well she sucked him dry and has relocated to the UK
I remember by husband doing everything to stop that relationship, told him to get someone mature, I begged my hubby to let him be since it was causing a strain in their relationship, now she has finally succeeded and he is regretting it but he cannot complain to anyone.
She kept demanding for money for different things, she used him to try both Canada and uk japa route until the UK succeeded, now she asked for some money and he couldn’t provide, she insulted him and blocked him.
The funny thing they even lived in different states, but the way the love was doing him enh, he barely listened to anyone. I saw a message he sent to her accusing her of sucking him dry, my hubby said he cannot pity him
Fear all these selfish women sometimes because what is anyone doing with an 80year old?
Pragmatic from experience:
ReplyDeleteIf you are looking to full inheritance especially if your Dad makes a Will and you need such inheritance, call the woman.
Yes, you are entitled to inheritance from your father as birth right. But you don't care whether or not you are given or what you are given. Then do what you want to do.
If you want to make your father happy irrespective (throwing all aside), call her.
I feel you. My Dad used to give from his pocket and ask to go thank his wife. It was never comfortable especially as what was given was very far lesser than what she was grabbing for her children.
When his Will came, the result showed in favour of those he was happy with
But in the end ... we still dey. As per say na Godg everitin.
So choose your choice.
*As per say na God get everitin.
DeleteN.B.
Based on your further comment plus the fact she may not have known what happened to you, I would advise you call her. Even if she knew and deliberately did not call to check on you, call her.
Wisdom is profitable to direct.
I don pass this road. I no wetin dey or may.
If I am sure she knew I was in the hospital and kept quiet, I'm not calling her for any reason
ReplyDeleteDont call her. Shes not useful to you in any way. Make everybody dey their lane.
ReplyDeleteNothing wrong in people moving on fast after a spouse's death, but statistics show men are more likely to move on quicker (google is your friend here).Poster you own your papa's girlfriend nothing but courtesy and respect as your Papa's companion, all the same, nothing wrong in dishing her same energy she dishes you.
ReplyDeleteSometimes u need to return back the same energy people dish out to you so you won't be taken for granted.
ReplyDeleteWish kind people Iam reading their comment what happened to xtian ethics forgiveness ,don't repay evil with evil pls don't listen to these people they don't wish you well ,pls. Call her buy something for her and move on
ReplyDelete@ goke; it is just a birthday wish, she can decide not to call her. Dat doesn't mean she is repaying evil with evil. Some people just need to be put in their rightful place.
DeleteI can never be a people pleaser abeg. Everything shd be done from the heart.
How is not calling someone evil Abeg? Poster, Abeg, don’t take this advice
DeletePoster if I'm in your shoes I will not call.
ReplyDeleteTo hell with approval.
This woman go don conner all of una inheritance like this.
You and your siblings should be more concerned about your inheritance if your dad is wealthy.
Except you all already have your own.
She is a gold digger.
Even if you guys try to be friendly with this woman it won't stop her from being an evil gold digger.
Watch out guys
Abeg if I am the one I will not call her ooo,cause my slogan is if you do me I do you back man no go vex..imagine been in coma and she did not even check on you even If it was just once..dont call her abeg
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, it's not that Baba has gotten over it ooo. He is just afraid of being alone. He is not used to it and probably doesn't want that.
ReplyDelete2ndly,she must have been drumming her birthday date to your Dad and must have dropped hints here and there about his children being in on their relationship. What better time for him to let you people know he is considering her.
And you may not know, a few people would have hinted that he should get someone so that he won't be lonely. And how do you know they were not match made?
Take it slow, you can yab him by telling him your mind.
But it takes off alot of worry off you knowing he has someone to talk to.
All the best.
Sorry about your Mum. May the Lord continue to comfort you.
please don't call her jare, there's no point famzing what you dont need. Nigerians should start eating what they dish. what you give is what you will get with me.
ReplyDeletePoster, face your front, if your dad calls to ask you why you didn't call her, in respective manner tell him that he has never in his life tells you to do that to your mum when she was alive and the side 80 years old chic never bother to call you when you were on coma and after.
ReplyDeleteThat he can go ahead with his relationship with without involving you and that you are still mourning your mum that is not easy for you to move on as he has easily moved on without much concern for your mum departure
I think we need to take it easy. Whether or not the Old Baba has moved on or not, posters Mother is never coming back. As hard as it is. If Baba is not kept lively, he is likely not to last long. That's not my prayer.
DeleteWe never really get over the loss of our loved ones. The pain eases off with time. But the person is never replaced. We are only left with memories.
What will the poster want her Baba to do? Cry and carry a solemn face everyday? For how long? That will finish him quickly.
Baba may not have too long to live but let him he happy again. Pls.
My dear, do u! Return the same energy she gave u. Imagine someone recovering from coma and you as the wife of her father couldn’t call her. Birthday call isonu! Pls don’t call her Abeg!
ReplyDeleteDon’t call her
ReplyDeletePoster, sorry about the situation.
ReplyDeleteThings to note:
1. Men will always find a spouse even at 99 years. That is how nature made it.
2. Men that had happy and good marriages are most likely to remarry immediately after they lose their wife.
Why?
They are used to having a ‘perfect’ life partner and won’t be able to survive. They erroneously believe every wife is as good as their late wife.
Sounds silly, but that is how most of their minds work.
Most men are more simple minded than we think.
3. Every second wife has a plan; to protect their interest.
4. Your dad is used to having a good woman (your mum) that has his best interest at heart.
He believes this is no different. So he will do as he is told because he believes it is best.
4. Be wise. The situation has changed. Your mum is no longer there to protect your interests. Your dad is not aware of this.
5. Get closer to your dad, but not by picking a bone with his ‘wife’. He will see you as the enemy that has come to ruin his peaceful way of life.
6. Call his new wife. Not because you want to, but because you need to get closer to your dad. And you don’t want to give him or his new wife reasons that will thwart your plans.
Sit up and be wise! Your inheritance might be at stake!
This comment is by a wise person. We don’t always have to return negative energy. Be wise and plan.
DeleteAny wahala between you and your Dad will lead to them getting closer and her closer to any inheritance.
Your father is 80 yrs and you are angry someone is making him happy,just forget anything he has done in the past,and do what makes your dad happy,cos dad you see today might not be there tomorrow,I just lost my 74 years dad and I cannot see him talking to me again,just cherish the moment you have with him now...... Josaria
ReplyDeleteHe has his children and grandchildren to make him happy. He is not without love or access to it. He can go take up hobbies, do community building, even take on a course. There are many ways for the elderly to keep active and happy.
Delete18:44 gbamsolutely. Love your comment.
DeleteAs for me, I will not call her. Women dey suffer sha. After all those years with ur dad, see how quickly he moved on. I’m sure if the reverse was the case, your mum would be single for the rest of her life.
ReplyDeleteI tell you. Only the love and dedication of God anyone of us can depend on in this life. I wonder if he has removed the photos of the deceased wife from around the house.
DeleteWomen are truly different , because if I lost the love of my life that I had for 45 yrs I still would be bawling everyday, the thought of another man would make me vomit. Men are really a one of a kind creature.
This life is not a competition. We are not perpetually stuck in a gender war. The man who stays 10yrs before remarriage was not necessarily the best husband. People, gender differ, respond and cope differently to different conditions. The one responsible for the spousal demise may even be the one that decides to stay unmarried. Abeg! This life is not that deep, you people stop looking for complications in simple situations.
DeleteYour father remembering her birthday might be the woman reminding him every now and then cos I have a sister like that immediately it's her birthday month she will always remind me on every phone calls.If you are very sure she was aware of your illness and she doesn't seem to care then don't call her for her birthday too.
ReplyDeleteMistake 1: believing your parents never quarreled. They just never did so before their children which is equally beautiful. If siblings quarrel, how much more partners. It's not necessarily a sign of incompatibility, disrespect or hatred. It's just life. Disagreements are bound to occur since personalities differ. Having said this, eternal rest be granted upon your mum and let perpetual light shine down upon her. May her soul rest in peace. Amen.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, Stella is right. Your dad moved on too fast. You said he's 80 so your mum should have been 70 -75yrs which also means they must have been married for over 30yrs. This proves my first point but who knows, he might just be the kind of guy of that dreads loneliness.
Lastly, you're not obliged to call your father's gf. In fact, your feelings are not out of place and to some extent completely natural. But just remember that irrespective of whatever differences your parents may or may not have had, nobody can replace your mother's place but that doesn't mean also that your dad should be unhappy. Unless she's a total psychopath and a danger to your dad, it doesn't concern you. It's your dad's life and not yours. Yes, he made mistakes in the past but that doesn't mean he didn't love you and your siblings. That doesn't even mean he never loved your mum.
Life is like a book of discoveries. Maybe like your mum, she reminded him as well and just for inclusivity sake, he informed his children.
Be sincere with yourself, if she had called you on your birthday, will you have answered her wholeheartedly? You said you were in a coma so how did you know she never came visiting.
I'll advise you keep an open mind because it seems to me that since you found out your dad had a gf, you had already concluded on something. It's a normal reaction but at least be sincere with your feelings. She can never replace your mum. Don't you think she already knows this???
Do not call her, do not wish her happy birthday. Not because you do not like her or will not give your approval to your dad but because she didn't call you on your birthday, she didn't check up on you when you got discharged. That woman has mind to ignore a child to her lover who just survived. Give her same energy she is giving you to see how she will feel
ReplyDeleteYou should talk to your dad and let him understand your reasons, since that woman makes him happy you are okay with his decision.
Poster pls make your dad happy and call the wife.i know he may not have treated your mum this way,but I think we should all leave judgment to God and let us all live in love.
ReplyDeleteEvery time make parents happy. What about the children’s feelings? E no matter? Ridiculous culture that only respects adults emotions. Mtscheww.
DeleteMake sure you return that energy by not calling her!!!
ReplyDeleteIf I hear say you call her make I bend!
I just want to remind us that thus 2023, poster her mum in 2021, adi few years after, just now now, depending on the month, it could be 2 yrs 4months ago at best. Just thought to drop this here.
ReplyDeleteIf its me, I will not call at all. But, you can call to make your dad happy. May the soul of your mum continue to rest in peace 🙏 🙏💪
ReplyDeleteIf its me, I will not call at all. But, you can call to make your dad happy. May the soul of your mum continue to rest in peace 🙏 🙏💪
ReplyDeletePoster also said she lost her bro recently, my dear if your dad is wealthy just like someone there up said be wise ,open your eyes before he will strike your name off the will , what of your other siblings ,or are you the only child
ReplyDeleteMen sef see how he moved on at 80 yrs ,if na woman naw she go tanda with her children . Use sense and follow them and of if that woman has children Omo open your eyes wide o, be your dad's best paddy ,dey look that woman with side eyes in fact pretend greet dey go your way , your eyes on her ndi uchu as if the pain you feel na their rshp go erase am men and useless ways.
Sorry for the death of your mom pls open your eyes ,be careful biko
I don’t understand why it’s hard for Nigerians to express their minds. Your dad is a good dad but you can’t share your feelings to him. How good is he then??? Maybe your mom covered a lot for him. It’s high time adult children speak their minds because some things they did to us growing up still affects some of us till today(I’ll speak for myself on this). Let your dad know how you feel and how this woman never called to check on you when you were sick! How this one take concern us now when we don’t really know who your dad is. Who knows maybe the woman feels guilty she’s been your papa’s side chick and your mom knew all this while but kept quiet for the sake of peace in the family. Now guilty conscience no dey allow her call you guys. Express your mind to your dad in a respectful way and if it goes south, oh well…. Your emotions are valid and speaking your mind will let go of some pain if not a lot self. Also seek a professional therapist to assist you in healing and prayers as well. At least you had a nurturing mother growing up and you get to experience that. Some of us don’t have any type of nurturing experience from both parents. May your mom’s soul rest in perfect peace. Lord know I no get patience like your mom because Some of these naija men are just straight up shitty and lack proper emotions. Na only Gods grace pesin take manage them. Im sure this is why naija women don’t bother to remarry because na the same shitty upbringing and naija factor. Most naija men are not emotionally available and partly due to upbringing and harsh naija condition. So I won’t completely blame them. But then again, you’ll see some of these naija men that also make conscious effort in being there for their kids both emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. I wish you all the best.
ReplyDelete