Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Tuesday, September 05, 2023

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmmm...


STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BROKEN BEYOND BELIEF

Hello Stella t
Let me start with this question... Is there anyone in this blog that is older than his/her spouse, maybe as a woman you're age bracket/grade with your husband but you look older than him facially, and if it is a yes, how do you cope with side talks, insults from your in-laws, age shaming from neighbors and his friends?

I'm in my early thirties, 31 to be precise but my husband will be 30 in few days. He looks younger than me facially and otherwise, he looks and thinks like a 25yr old boy, I look my age but my husband doesn't. I'm more matured than him physically and otherwise.

When he got to know I was older than him, he was still cool with it, I was totally against it because people might not understand the angle we are coming from.
He persuaded me and let me see reasons why I don't need to be scared, bothered or ashamed about my age, but deep down I wasn't satisfied with his conviction and explanation.

So we all conclude we keep it a secret between our both parents.

Meanwhile the reason why I decided to go ahead with the plans and marry him was out of frustration and depression, he was my only escape route.
He doesn't trouble me and I don't trouble him as well, I support him in everything no matter how little or big. He loves me so very much but I don't love him. He isn't financially buoyant but he is a good man. Another thing about my husband is that he isn't exposed s#xually, like I literally taught him how to s#x a woman, kiss, romance and all. He doesn't know how to communicate at all, the only way he reciprocates to romance is when I make advances towards him, I don't get satisfied during s#x, he has strength to f**k but he doesn't have what it takes to satisfy me.

I can literally vouch that the experience he has now, he got it all from me, he commends my efforts a lot regarding that. When we got married, there's no atom of shege I didn't see from his family. People were saying lots about our marriage, they keep feeling their son did me a favour by marrying me, neighbors were like "this girl will control your son, she's too old for him", if only depression was a person it could have been me, I cried and cried, at some point I was already feeling like committing suicide.

A lot of people were saying mean things behind me to my mother-in-law but she couldn't defend me, like, your son will never provide for them again, I'll take her son (my husband) attention away from them, he is too young to marry, don't allow him marry now, whereas this is the same family I have assisted in some few cases, it's not like I'm taking pride in what I did for them but for me to have given them things like a big new mattress and some jewelry, clothes and shoes, not once oh, they should know I've not come to steal from them, me accepting to marry their son with the level of their poverty it's an added advantage and a favour to them, these are people that don't have mattress in their house, I'm not rich either, I'm only pained due to how they mistreated me ni.

 The first time I visited them was a red flag for me to japa, abi is it when I travelled to my husband paternal village for one function like that, I spent two days, those people starved the hell out of me, I was just snacking till I came back home. I was so ashamed of myself. I'm not looking down on them. but I really dislike how they mistreated me when I was still living with them.

I will wake up to fetch water on my head with a big baff that contains 50litrs for 5-6 times everyday, i became bald headed because of fetching water and the place was swollen. I went to wash my hair one day at a salon, only for the apprentice to draw my attention that aunty " e be like say you dey carry plenty loads too much for your head abi", mehn I was so embarrassed with that statement, I just laughed over it and pretended it didn't hurt me.

I'll cook under the sun for them to eat, morning and evening only for them to report me to my husband that I'm always indoors and I don't come out for them to send me errands, of course I knew his financial capabilities before accepting to marry him but must they treat me like a slave. Not like I benefit anything from. Very entitled, selfish and ungrateful humans.

We now live another city with my husband, I'm currently working but my salary isn't up to 50k, my husband does Uber but currently his car is bad, I had to loan 150k from fair money to fix his car, the plan was if the car is back to base we can be paying small small, but the car is still at the mechanic, no hope of anything till now. The due date expired on the 2nd, and fair money has been on my neck calling me non stop, I can't loan capital from fair money to start up a business because the interest rate is high and I won't survive it that was why I gave the money to my husband to fix his car, we feed from my salary, thou he support financially whenever he has. So tell me how I'm a bad wife to this man I married?

 I just feel I need to start being tough and wicked maybe I'll be treated better. I'm a very patient person, a loner and I endure things a lot, I'm very soft at heart.

While still living with my in-laws, I'm expected to wake up before everyone in the house, greet my in-laws while squatting before doing house chores, the fetching of water was the annoying part, sometimes I will cry my eyes out, my husband of a man could not defend me. Only to be saying sorry to me behind closed doors. I was going crazy. At this point I really dislike his family, of course I can't blame them for my misfortune, I know I'm so unlucky sha.

How can I escape from the hand of an abuser and end up in another situation like this where I'm not loved, respected and cherished. I wasn't lucky in relationships as well, I was always heartbroken but they keep coming back afterwards.

Remember I married him out of frustration and depression.....now this is what transpired for me to end up with him.

Hmmmmm I didn't grow up with my biological parents, I grew up with my uncle who was always abusing me s#xually as a child, he was always beating me at any slightest provocation without clothes on, he will call me to his room for us to gist, the only place to put his hand while gisting is on top my breast, countless times I tried refusing and when I refuse him, he gets angry and be like, he is not a pervert, it's because he's free with me that's why he feels free to rest his hand on my breast, like WTF.

Okay that being said, it went on till I stopped fighting regarding that but I was always avoiding him each time he calls for me. Meanwhile if I resist him he gets angry. I was really disturbed and worried, I couldn't discuss it with anyone else, it kept on till I left the house.

I was very naive, it took a long time before I could really understand it was a s#xual abuse. Meanwhile this is someone that adopted me as a daughter and I call him my daddy.

There was a time we travelled together to a city, thou it was due to my admission, because we were processing one admission like that and it requires we travel together and we couldn't return home that same day because we couldn't finish the process that same day. Thou accommodation wasn't an issue, so we checked in a local affordable hotel 2-3k per night, so I was expecting my Dad (Uncle) to book two rooms for us since we are opposite s#x, only for him to pay for only a room for that night, at that moment, I didn't suppect any form of fowl play to take place, so we checked in, then he asked me to go confirm if we could get something to quench our hunger at that moment which I concurred and went quickly to enquire about the menu available as at that time,

 I went straight to the receptionist but unfortunately we weren't lucky enough to get anything to feed and satisfy our organs and the only remedy or help they could offer was to suggest noddles, so I asked they prepare for only one plate because my Dad (Uncle) doesn't eat noddles, his only option was to snack and wash it down with a chilled drink.

That being settled, it was time for us to have our baths, meanwhile the hotel room has only one bathroom, so he went in first while I waited for him to finish up. Apparently we went in one after the other.

It was now bed time, thou the hotel room has a long couch like that, so in my mind I've already concluded that I'll just sleep on the couch instead and allow him take the bed.

Just when I was about lying down, I heard a voice saying come to the bed, why using the couch at least there's enough space for the two of us, lo and behold it was my Dad's voice, really sir, I was already ragging in anger, for Christ sake how can I join you in bed, I'm not even your biological daughter, we ain't even related by blood. So I told him politely that I was comfortable with the couch but he insisted I join him in bed which I blatantly refused, that was when he raised his voice at me, out of fear I stood up and joined him. He is a narcissist, very manipulative and cunning.

He said I shouldn't be afraid he won't do anything to me, those were his promising words.

That was how the naive me ended up joining him in bed, meanwhile I wasn't free at all, I Was angry and scared at the same time, I couldn't close my eyes for a sec not to talk of sleeping and the time kept crawling like snail, I was awake all through the night, he was also awake as well.

Fast forward to 1am, I felt a tap/touch behind my back , my bumbum to be precised, first I thought it was a mistake then immediately I adjusted to the edge of the bed, not long enough I felt another touch. This time around it wasn't a coincidence but a deliberate and voluntary act, immediately I resisted his advances, that was when he started using force, I had to voice out, I told him I don't like what he is doing, why is he taking advantage of me, is it because I respect and fear him or what, he was now like it's not like that, "I only wanted to just feel you ni, just touching and all I won't go beyond that". Omo I cried that night ehn, I told him I will scream if he persist, I'm like, "but why is this life like this, just because I want to school and this is how I will end up being schooled in bed?

Omo I stood up immediately from the bed, he now started apologising I should let it slide, he didn't know what came over him. We were all awake throughout the night and he didn't make any attempt again, it didn't stopped there oh hmmmmmmmmm

This is where my ordeal began from...

I lost my self confidence and self esteem a long time ago, countless times I feel I'm worthless, no future, because often times my uncle always insult me that I don't have background, and I should be grateful to him for sponsoring me to school, his children does not respect me at all, and my only escape route was to get married, I know a lot of people will be like "why not leave the house, the thing is if you've never been victimized before don't ever judge the victims, they go through a lot, some end up being dead.

We didn't date for long with my husband, already my mind was made up, so we started talking and I declared my intentions to him, he also said he isn't out to play games either. I just told him little about myself, I didn't go deep thou, so he was like don't worry I'll hasten up with the marriage proposal so that I can free you from your uncle, I was very excited and happy at the same time my people because I just needed a total freedom. So that was how I ended up with my husband oh.

About my parents, I only have one aged surviving parent, my Dad passed away when I was still little. This family gist is for another day.

Despite my uncle takes me as his biological daughter which I humbly applaud and respect him for that.

He sponsored me throughout my school, I never lacked anything while in school, he was a father to me but what I had to pay him back with was constant abuse, he will be like, "since you don't want to have sense I will keep embarrassing you like this till you come to your senses".

Meanwhile he doesn't beat, treat or humiliate any of his kids like this.

Of a truth I appreciate his efforts for providing for me and sending me to school but mehn it was a tough one.

I know a lots will judge, critise, insult and blame me for enabling everything, and y'all will be like there are better options and ways to get myself out from such horrible abuse, but you won't understand.

Right now I'm mentally and psychologically damaged, how do I get myself out of this entanglement, will I ever become normal again.

I want to be free from all of these, there is this fulfillment you get when you're married but mine is different, I don't see myself being proud about my marriage, I'm not happy about my marriage, it isn't enticing. If I was stable financially and otherwise I'll just find my way, can't keep staying with him when people keep age shaming me, it's really draining. He is the only one enjoying the marriage not me, he is happy and fulfilled he got married to the love of his life, he doesn't know I don't feel anything for him.

 I just feel we ain't compatible in anyway, he is not a talking type so we don't relate and vibe that much. There's no affection I've ever enjoyed in this life, ranging from family and relationships. I just feel I've failed myself, I'm devastated. Pls I need help, where did I go wrong, pls tell me????


You are really damaged and need help, reading this story, understand why you chose to marry and why you are failing...Please seek help, the problem is not your hubands oh, its you and accepting abuse from his family is the pattern you are comfortable with

57 comments:

  1. Your husband isn't the bad one here,you married him with the intention of using him instead of dealing with your shit first,you decided not to drown alone but drag your hubby along. You need serious help and while at it, please free that guy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She didn’t use him Abeg
      She told him upfront and he agreed for his reasons

      Delete
    2. Dear poster believe me nothing is out there lol continue to reach your husband how to love you better, another reason you resent him or feel you dont love him is because he is broke. So long as DV is not involved manage, learn to love him and pray for breakthrough for him. It will get better. E*hug!!

      Delete
    3. When did 31 years become"old". This method of age shaming women should really stop,not everyone has the heart.
      Anyways, poster, i pray u find healing, life hasn't been fair to u, but trust me u will get better.

      I don't think u can afford a therapist, would have advice u to go to one, but maybe find a mature good man of God,and let him guide u.

      Delete
    4. I wonder oooo, me I’m turning 40 this year and still feel young na wa

      Delete
    5. Me at 34 plus 10 months looking for who will give me belle like this. I don't feel old one tiny bit. If not for biological clock, wetin concern me. Mtschheewww

      Delete
    6. If you’re saying you’re old at 31, then I don’t know what people at 80 will say.
      Please love yourself enough to say no to some errands, please look for something else to do in addition to your 50k job, because in this tinubu Nigeria, na only God hand we dey.

      Delete
    7. Na Naija women na. Once they clock 28 they start seeing themselves as granny. Economy no come dey help matters

      Delete
  2. Poster, all I can say is that I’m really sorry for all you went through and still going through.

    I will also advise you to end that marriage since you obviously don’t love him and he’s also not making it easy for u to love him by standing up to his family for you.

    You have to find a way to learn to live alone and love yourself. Find a way to find true happiness. You are earning less than 50k, is it possible to rent a one room apartment?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I did not read all but why would you become slave because of marriage? Why would you accept what is not yours? Why, why, why.... May you start loving and appreciate yourself in Jesus Christ name AMEN

    ReplyDelete
  4. this is deep. I think you need therapy from a qualified person NOT A MAN OF GOD or PASTOR. you also need to close your ears to side talks and outsiders and your ungrateful in-laws. I dont want to mention separating or divorce but please get on some family planning method. do not bring children in this sad, pathetic situation. You and your husband arent that old, let the man start a side hustle that can pay something while you await his vehicle being repaired. The easy way is to divorce him and start life afresh but you arent the brave take-the-bull-by the horn type. GET THERAPY ASAP. YOU AND THE HUSAND SHOULD GET SIDE HUSTLES TO AKE MORE MONEY. FORGET ABOUT YOUR IN-LAWS AND ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOUR AGE/LOOKS. I am 29 years and people at my workplace call me Auntie coz i look older, and i dont care at all. you need to do the same too.

    ReplyDelete
  5. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—, poster,I am so sorry for all,you have been through,God's speed πŸ™πŸ€—πŸ€—

    ReplyDelete
  6. Most times marriage is not an escape route from depression. Just learn to love yourself first. Every other thing will fall in place. I pray God heal you and give you the peace you require

    ReplyDelete
  7. You are deeply sad and discontent with your life. Instead of making changes, you choose to blame everybody else. I feel for your husband. It must be gloomy around you because you wear your intense sadness like a cloak. It radiates strongly through this your chronicle. That is why you look old. You have an education. That is the same platform everyone else is working with. You no longer live with your husband’s family so this your write-up isn’t really about them. Even your husband’s car, mechanic, hotel staff and indomie were inadvertently hit by stray bullets in this your narrative of self-loathing. You need to work on your mind. It needs an overhaul and renewal. Meanwhile, love is a choice. Choose everyday to love your husband who’s done nothing to you. Choose everyday to love yourself and do something positive. Please take care.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ‘πŸΏ
      And she has a tinge of "I better pass una" This shows to her In-laws, and may be a reason they want to cut her to their level or below them.

      She should turn that to " I better pass this level I am living and I want me & my family to rise up to the better level"

      The first is pride. The second is progressive balanced living.

      Delete
  8. I will read later but the summary is that your marriage needs lubricants! One major lubricant your marriage needs is money. Marriage is not an escape route from life issues. This is a lesson the singles must learn. God will come through for you and your hubby.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You have to stand up for yourself. This circle of abuse will continue because you have accepted it as the norm. You must learn to put yourself first, your mental health is important. Love yourself, respect yourself, invest in treating yourself right. Invest in books on mental, spiritual and psychological healing. I got my deliverance from Spiritual, Emotional and Psychological trauma by reading the book by Stormie Omartia - Lord, I Want To Be Whole.
    I have a lot to write but I can't. Just read the book I mentioned. You can download it for free from the internet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The abuse has ended. She only counted what happened in the past mostly. As some Bvs have said, the main issue now is finance and her husband is not forthcoming with companionship as she expected in marriage.

      While, they are working on finance, she should continue to teach her husband what she wants.

      Delete
    2. 17:43 that’s not how abuse works
      It doesn’t end for most people
      She’s reliving it daily

      Delete
  10. I am glad that Stella has this space for you to unload all your burdens.

    I couldn’t read all of it now because of work, but from what I read you married into a strange family and strange community. A one year age difference is inconsequential to say the least. The son has not accomplished anything in life, yet they put him on a god status which I find strange. For all the love you have for each other if you want to know peace then relocate to a different state or country may be your best move. Limiting contact with these ppl and their community is necessary. Anyhow, I don’t know how you can have someone visiting you for the first time and expect them to work like a slave. They couldn’t fill their water tank before you got there or whatever, you had to be hauling water, searching for firewood to cook and what now. These ppl have no class and no courtesy. Girl, in these modern times I could never put a bucket on my head for nobody. And I ain’t blowing no smoke to cook no big compound meal for not a soul. I beg you, please put a value on yourself and never let anyone use you like that again to prove anything. You ain’t nobody workhorse, foh. It’s not like you were even marrying a king, simple man with no knowledge of life or the world. Na all the work they have you under make you look older than him. Mtsscchhwww. These trashy ass ppl do not deserve you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 31 isn’t old at all.Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.Your self esteem needs to be worked on.It’s really dragging on the floor.Don’t allow anyone use u like your in laws.Love your self first and people will reciprocate.Carry yourself with dignity.
      Don’t understand the rush to get married when you could have easily relocated from your uncle’s house to a new city search of a job your matter too long
      Abeg

      Delete
    2. They no born the maga well wey go use me as slave.You allowed it now
      why give them foam and clothes with with their stinking treatment of you .It goes to show they can never love you no matter what you do for them
      Channel those energies to your life,business or career.
      Why take a loan to fix your husband’s car
      He should have taken the loan himself.Una 2 need deliverance cuz it seems it’s a spiritual issue.Man is not hardworking at all
      Try to get a real estate job if you’re in Lagos,Abuja,Phc or Ugo. You can post them on property sites.You make extra cash from it

      Delete
  11. There’s actually nothing wrong with your husband my dear. I see the issue is that you are dealing with childhood trauma and the image you have of yourself. You need to read books at on dealing with traumas. Start with Joyce Meyer books
    And have a positive attitude to life. You will be fine
    People have had worse childhood than you but they are making something out of thier lives
    Sending you hugs. And pls appreciate that man for me

    Why not do a 30day gratitude challenge. Write 30 things you are grateful for and see how your life will change

    Zendaya

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stop seeking for approval from your in laws by doing demeaning jobs. They will never approve. Do it for only u and if u want. Your husband

      Delete
  12. I couldn't finish reading but all I can say is separate from your husband and his family for a while and wait to see what will come out of the situation

    Pele sogbo

    ReplyDelete
  13. Side eyes chronicle. You’re educated ma . This is not making sense.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I don’t see the problem here
    You are the one shaming yourself before they shame you. You think your husband Is finer than you. Guess what, he probably is
    You think Denzels wife should leave him because people think he’s finer? Go on YouTube and see what people say to women married to so called more handsome men
    See rotimi salami the actor people said all sorts of crap about his older wife and they are still married
    Better hold your man

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But inside of her, she thinks she is better than the man. That's one of her challenges. See how she called him a boy.

      Lady, nothing do you now. You are free to enjoy life with your husband within your budget.

      Every woman is different in the other room. Even if your husband was walkabout before marriage, he would have still needed to learn from you what pleasures you. Have you not read chronicles here of unsatisfied wives married to men who stray? Thank God you have a man you can mould to suit your needs and who has the energy to do.

      Gently free your mind of yesteryears and enjoy today. Your face to shine and your beauty go show.

      Poster, try love yourself and your husband.

      Delete
    2. 17:56 I think she says all that about him yo try to balance the equation so people don’t think she’s the only one gaining from him
      For me, that’s just silly childish talk. Enjoy your man and stop looking for how to respond to nonsense

      Delete
  15. Sorry about your predicament poster.First appreciate and be grateful to yourself for surving the sexual molestations from your uncle.You will be fine.

    You need to relax ,think and plan your life at this stage.I mean planning a good deserving life.My suggestion is this.

    You need to seek healing either you see a therapist/counsellor.Also to think positive about yourself,lots of people go through different situations in life.Everything is a phase.

    Invest in yourself,capacity building,and specialize skills.Start with these cos you still have an awesome good life ahead of you sis.

    It is well with you.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Poster
    Thank GOD for your husband
    Go and learn self confidence
    Ignore irrelevant people
    Smile, be kind, move ON

    You have entered already , focus on your husband and children and give them the very

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. the very best
      Talk to GOD
      Get therapy fast

      Delete
  17. My husband is 8 years younger than me and we are very happy. Anyone who cant accept it is not our problem. We are happy. Poster you seem to enjoy misery and dwelling in it. Why do you slave away for people like this? At some point your pride or dignity should kick in. Try abd get therapy if you can or read some self help books. You need to love yourself and learn to put boundaries in place

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. U could not have said it better. Poster, you must love yourself first in order to love your husband. You have a gloomy outlook on life and you are projecting. Seek healing and everything will follow. You can't give what you do not have.

      Delete
  18. It's time to heal, dear poster. Consider seeing a therapist. Stop allowing abuse from your in-laws. Stop letting people age shame you. People can't really shame you unless you let them. I mean, what's there to be ashamed of anyways? You're a year older than your husband, so what? Is this really a shameable thing? Stop feeling shame for nothing.

    ReplyDelete
  19. This is a lot ! I’m so sorry for your lived experience. You need a professional therapist , a professional! Also japa! You need change of environment, it will really help. πŸ€—

    ReplyDelete
  20. Poster you are lucky oo, at least you found love but then money is remaining. Be grateful you found one, because many lack both these days. Country is hard. Meanwhile, try and love your husband back and be fulfilled you at least have someone who loves you genuinely. So you know you only have money problems.

    Your problem is money, you don't have it and in debt too. All these other gossips are ephemeral and you won't even notice or they go away once money enter.

    Take responsibility of your life and forgive those who should be forgiven and move on. You need 'clear head' to find money, if your head is clouded with all these distractions, it will be hard to focus.

    Also, you seem to lack contentment. Just be fair to yourself and your aspirations as the world generally is not fair. Create positivity around you and get focused in order to improve your finances.

    Just watch as you will feel better, if you and your husband manage to increase your monthly income to like 'a meagre' 300k monthly.

    ReplyDelete
  21. "I'm in my early thirties, 31 to be precise but my husband will be 30 in few days. He looks younger than me facially and otherwise, he looks and thinks like a 25yr old boy, I look my age but my husband doesn't. I'm more matured than him physically and otherwise."

    YOU REMEMBER WHAT I SAID ABOUT NOT MARRYING AN OLDER LADY IN NIGERIA BAH? EVEN IF SHE'S OLDER THAN YOU WITH ONE DAY

    "Meanwhile the reason why I decided to go ahead with the plans and marry him was out of frustration and depression, he was my only escape route."

    DEAR KINGS... KNOW THE MAIN REASON A LADY IS WITH YOU AND ACT ACCORDINGLY

    "He loves me so very much but I don't love him."

    KINGS, HOPE YOU'RE PAYING ATTENTION

    "He doesn't know how to communicate at all, the only way he reciprocates to romance is when I make advances towards him, I don't get satisfied during s#x, he has strength to f**k but he doesn't have what it takes to satisfy me."

    LOL.. REMEMBER WHAT I SAID ABOUT VIRGINITY AND LOW BODY COUNT IN A WOMAN.
    ALSO REMEMBER WHAT I SAID ABOUT HOW A MAN WITH MORE SEXUAL EXPERIENCE IS A TURN ON FOR A MAN THAN A WOMAN. A WOMAN DON'T WANT A VIRGIN BOY, UNLIKE A MAN WANTING A VIRGIN GIRL. ARGUE WITH YOUR KEYPADS.

    "... neighbors were like "this girl will control your son, she's too old for him",

    EVERYBODY CAN'T BE WRONG, THEY PROBABLY SAW THAT YOU DON'T RESPECT HIM. A NIGERIAN GIRL WOULD FIND IT EXTREMELY HARD TO SUBMIT TO A MAN SHE'S OLDER THAN.

    YOU ALSO DON'T RESPECT HIS FAMILY BECAUSE THEY'RE POOR. OBVIOUSLY, YOUR BODY LANGUAGE MUST HAVE SAID A LOT ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK DOWN ON THEM, SO THEY DON'T LIKE YOU TOO.

    SORRY FOR THE SEXUAL ABUSE YOU WENT THROUGH WITH YOUR 'DAD', BUT ITS NOT AN EXCUSE TO GO INTO MARRIAGE AND ABUSE AN INNOCENT MAN. THE RIGHT THING TO DO IS TO RENT A PLACE OF YOUR OWN SINCE YOU WANTED TO ESCAPE.

    YOU USED THIS INNOCENT MAN, BUT I DO NOT PITY HIM, HE REALLY HAS THE SENSE OF AN UNDER 25 YEARS OLD, IF NOT, WHY WOULD HE MARRY SOMEONE OLDER AND MORE EXPERIENCED SEXUALLY IN THIS NIGERIA.. BOY NEEDS TO LEARN THE HARD WAY..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chai! Poster you don give Dante ammunition now, we no go hear word for the next 3 years

      Delete
  22. "I cook under the sun for them to eat, morning and evening only for them to report me to my husband that I'm always indoors and I don't come out for them to send me errands"

    "While still living with my in-laws, I'm expected to wake up before everyone in the house, greet my in-laws while squatting before doing house chores, the fetching of water was the annoying part, sometimes I will cry my eyes out"

    Poster, don't ever give your husband's family the room to use you in this manner. You are not a maid to the family, I don't know who made it compulsory for a woman to serve the husbands family as maid for her to be seen as a wife material. If you were working in the bank will the see the opportunity to use you like this? If you have a good business that pays you well will the have the guts to even talk behind your back concerning your not helping out with house chores? Because of this don't ever visit the family for any reason until they learn to treat you with respect. If your husband is traveling, don't go with him. Also, any time he plans traveling, make sure you tell him not to stay long when he travels because you will miss his presence at home. If they ask why you don't like coming , tell them you are busy with work. Your work don't give you time anymore. No matter how little your salary is just tell them that you always have tight schedule at work. Avoid the family, don't ever call them again if you used to do so. Do all this for your sanity sake.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Try to move on. Appreciate the man and stop slaving got people wey no send you.
    You must learn to love yourself.
    You must learn to put your face like a flint and ignore.
    What if you had fallen down fetching water for people that have been surviving before you decided to become mama africa for everyone?


    ReplyDelete
  24. My darling πŸ’•πŸ˜˜πŸ’•πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—
    After reading your background story, I now realized why you allowed yourself to be maltreated by your in-laws.

    But the reasons you listed are not enough reason to leave your marriage. That's because your husband who is d direct party dosen't treat you bad.
    All your treatments were from 3rd parties which you can stop.

    First of all, you have to understand that 99% of in-laws behave in like manner. The difference is, how the wife allows and accept such treatments.

    The good thing is, it's not too late to change it.
    All those carrying heavy load etc, nah you cause am. If you had refuse from the beginning, no one would have forces you. So, henceforth, learn to say "No, I can't do that.," Respectfully.

    You need to understand your position and right as a wife and act in that capacity with your in-laws. Stop being a house girl) maid. Just stop it. Your h
    You need to also learn to block your ears to the gossips and start praying for your home and learning to love your husband. Love yourself more too and let the world adjust to your "unbothereed" attitude.

    Since he acts 25 (almost all men act childish and their wives are usually wiser.), lovingly teach him to maturity, while not obviously being the one leading the home but nudging him forward to the right direction and responsibility.
    You married a good man but he is timid, and feels intimidated by his family.

    Don't become a nagging and bad wife because of your frustrations pls. If you do, he will eventually loose his love for you. That's when you will know what a bad marriage is. (God forbid for you).

    My darling, cherish the man you married and work with him to build a home. There are many monsters out there in form of men and if you happen to fall into one of their hands, you will be calling for death than living. So, I pray God give you the wisdom to build your home. Stop regretting and start thinking of ways to grow your union.

    About the loans, may God make a way but don't take such unwise decision next time.
    And remember it's only in unity and oneness that prosperity will flow in your home . Work on that pls .

    ReplyDelete
  25. My heart breaks for you. You need to see a therapist please. ASAP. A year age gap is not an issue or age gap generally. As long as your husband loves you, just let your guard down and enjoy the marriage. Seek help ASAP please and as for fetching water and running errands, please don’t allow anyone take advantage of you. Be respectful and courteous but don’t let anyone treat you any how. Sending you lots of hugs

    ReplyDelete
  26. As far as I am concerned you don't have a problem. The only problem you have is YOU. You are carrying the load of the whole world on your head by mere imaginations. You assume too much. Constant anger makes one grow older. Learn to see a brighter side of people around you. Be grateful. Be patient. Show empathy. Above all embrace the love of God.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I don't understand..31 abi you're 81? Haba, 31 is young oh, very young. Dress well, smell nice and get an aura of sexy confidence. Also, unfortunately many families are not nice to their daughter in law, it's same across rich or poor families, same shege.. it takes a while to win their heart, that's why it's best to do this assessment before marriage and enter only where you are loved or appreciated.

    The only advice I have for you is to go to the Lord Jesus in prayer. There are so many burdens in your heart and only he can give you rest. Pray on his word in Matthew, "come to me all ye who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke and learn from me for I am gentle and humble at heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden, light".. may he heal the wounds of your past, relieve you of your burdens, grant you peace that the world cannot give, and fill your heart with lasting joy, Amen..

    ReplyDelete
  28. Jesus loves you so much that He laid His life for you, now please love yourself and remember you’re deeply lovely. Quit this persecution complex of the whole world is doing things against you, take charge of your life! You don’t have to be wicked or extreme, just learn to love yourself and say NO.
    My dear, the world will only treat you how you want to be treated and how give you only what you accept. Wake up and take charge! Only you can help you

    ReplyDelete
  29. Is it bad for a man to keep himself sexually until marriage only to be insulted back with it? This is really scary πŸ₯ΊπŸ₯Ί

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pls some people appreciate it
      Marry someone that does

      Delete
    2. I know lots of women looking for your kind. Let one single chronicle be deceiving you there.

      Delete
  30. When we should be applauding men for being sexually disciplined, we insult them. We truly don't know what we want in this generation. I shake my head in pity. Little wonder young men keep having sex escapades because it boosts their sexual appeal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We? She is the only one not applauding her man. So many are happy being married to virgins. She doesn't know what she has. I hope she won't regret it when she loses him. The sexually active ones didn't they treat her badly? For everything she went through God blessed her with a good man but, sadly, she can't see it.

      Delete
    2. It doesn't boost any sex appeal

      Unappreciative and ungrateful doesn't mean right

      Delete
  31. Why won't decrepit, morally bankrupt and God-forsaken Nigerian old men leave these young girls/wards alone? What's the obsession with the sexual/psychological abuse of these young girls/women under the guise of helping them get an education/other?

    ReplyDelete
  32. Dear poster.
    You write very well. This tells me that you have a lot of potential.

    You have gone through a lot in life. I will encourage you to close those chapters. Holding onto previous hurts will not allow you to move forward. You need to go on a journey of forgiveness. Forgiving the people that hurt you. And forgiving yourself. That is how you will be set free. Forgiveness will set you free and a whole new horizon will be revealed to you. The forgiveness is not for them, it is for you. When you forgive, you set yourself free.

    Teach yourself to see the beauty or the good in your current state. It feels like the world is caving in on you, but I bet you are there is at least one (or two) good things that are still going on in your favour right now. Like your husband - who loves you - hold onto that good thing, have gratitude for it, be happy, appreciate it. Then believe that because of this one good thing, your circumstance will change for the better. Choose and dream of a better life for yourself. Believe that you are worth it and that you will receive them.

    Then, in your only little way, do good. Be good to people around you. Be kind.

    I do not know if you are a Christian, whether or not, pray to the God that you believe in to help you make these changes I have advised in your life. And believe that he will answer you.

    In the words of T.D. Jakes - if anything or anyone is not serving you, LET IT GO or LET THEM GO.

    Carve out how you want your life to be, how you want to live your life and the kind of people you want in your life. And go with that. Ignore and cut off people who do not respect you. Go after your goals and ignore all the noise. There is a lot in this life that you need to achieve and enjoy. Don’t give up. You can do this!!!!

    ReplyDelete

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