Shortly after that, he began throwing 'punches' at me. First, he asked why I'm still single? If it has to do with money? I said not really, for I'm yet to decide on that path in life. I should be 25 at the time.
He went on narrating how his boys all got married before their 30th birthday. Emphasizing the need of an early marriage as a man. He said at age 25, two were already done with their Msc and got married immediately. The last one married at the age of 27. Oh well, I said to myself it worked out so well on them been that they were born in a wealthy home. At that time, marriage wasn't in the picture for me, for I felt I still have all the time to do that. I felt I am somewhat still young to go into marriage. I needed all the experiences and money I could make before venturing into one.
He continued, as a man, 27 is the ideal age in settling down if you have something meaningful going on in life. You don't need to break the bank to do that. I think I quite agreed with him on that.
He still wasn't done as I sipped my wine listening to him. In an early marriage, as the kids are getting to age 20, you should be in your late 40's and early 50's, still young and done with childbearing. The strength and stamina is very much active and also medically fit to withstand whatever pressure that usually comes with teenagers at such age. Also, hypertension is still being managed effectively. You also get to enjoy a good retirement plan and aging, having grown up children's support.
Last month, during a counseling session I had with a relationship coach/medical doctor, she also hinted on the importance of an early marriage as well when it's still medically fit on childbearing and raising up children. For there are ailments that surface with aging. She went further to also advise on the implications of marrying an older woman if childbearing is in the picture. Lately, women(some) beginning from mid 40's have started experiencing signs of early menopause.
Also, marrying an older woman over age 40, some factors need to be considered. At such age after first delivery, some may not wish to try for another child. Aging and labour experience may scare them. In some cases, the strength to push might be little or won't be there anymore. What about the age gap spread of two years on each child to another? For a couple that wants four children, approximately will be looking at eight years to complete the numbers or even more if there's delay in conception, thereby putting the woman at over 50yrs still tendering a new born baby.
Marriage and its complexities.
In conclusion, all I will say is that, there could be factors responsible for some men that are yet to settle down. The economy could be one of it. For some, it might not necessary mean money. I have seen well to do men not willing to settle down. They just don't feel like it.
Shockingly, some don't want kids in life even some women as well. Some could just be unlucky in always dating the wrong people. It could also be character deficiency as well. At the end, not everyone will get married in this life.
While I agree with you that not everyone will get married in life, I will lean heavily on NOT everyone should get married. That said, for those who desire to get married and have the means to do so, marrying early and giving birth to kids early is indeed something worth aspiring to.
ReplyDeleteI had my kids before I clocked forty. I was 5 years off my target. The plan is to have all of them close to finishing university just before I hit 60 God willing. Giving our kids the best of our years and energy is one of the best gifts we can give them. It won't make sense to begin having kids when strength has ebbed and the best of years are behind.
The lines don't always fall in places we expect though. So some may not have kids or marry early due to forces beyond their control. In all, never forget, whenever the race or the journey of marriage/ parenthood meets you, give it all your best.
Bravo!!!
DeleteExtremely well written.
Thank you for sharing. I 'envy' you bro.
© TEEJAY
Wow nice one 👍 Mr Dog.
DeleteIt's just choice
DeleteLol..
ReplyDeleteBut Baba you no get wahala nah.. Big Stellz our Nwayioma Germany Diva don tell you say she go sponsor am (I believe I'm right?)... but ashawo dey your eyes lol,. You just dey fall in love with new orobo babes every two weeks.. you too dey quick fall in and out of love😂
If me I get sponsor I for don marry tey tey oh 😢🥺
Boss,
Delete😂😂😂
Stella is more than capable and I believe her. The offer came with a clause ' If I marry a Bv'
This is the issue. The visible women here(most) are not the type of woman a man wants to come home to. Did you see how that one cursed the husband here to be slow and foolish just cos he's broke at the moment? Are these the kind of woman you'd wished for your gee?
Currently, I no dey look for spec again but character. Make I no dey where I dey find spec clock 50yrs 😂😂😂
© TEEJAY
There is no rule of thumb when it comes to marriage. It's best to venture into it when you are mentally and financially ready and also when you have met that "partner" whose values align with yours. Because marriage is not one-size-fits-all, do what's best for you.
ReplyDeleteSo if one eventually get financially stable at age 70 as a man, you mean that should be the appropriate time for him to venture into marriage. I'm talking about factors to be considered on marriage when aging is over 40 not that it isn't feasible. Even a medical doctor will advise a woman over 50yrs on certain implications on childbearing
DeleteIf you read my last paragraph, you'd see I already gave reasons why some persons aren't married yet.
Agreeable, there's no timeframe or sure manual for marriage but careful observation, you'll understand the context of my piece that centres on the benefits and importance of early marriage which can't be overemphasized.
© TEEJAY
Married men earn more money than single ones and get more respect in the society. There are a many benefits that comes with marriage.
ReplyDeleteAll this ur talk, just to shade women that are not married and her getting older.
ReplyDeleteA counselor just started telling u about the implications of marrying an older woman. Her license should be revoked if she even has any.
Oil Dey your head Eka Joy
DeleteLearn to always be opened to discussion without emotions. Where in my piece shade older women? Those who had followed my comments here know how I have often talked about my preference for older women. So you should know I must have disclosed that to the relationship coach to make her gave her input on that.
DeleteA life coach and doctor over three decades in marriage. Do you think she's a baby? You always rubbish people's works or input but yours and you know that isn't cool. Everything mustn't come from you before it's been seen as authentic.
Always loosen up.
© TEEJAY
Like I don't understand. Shebi his single too. Two ti geh four.
DeleteOkay let's assume i shaded older women like you opined. Am I young? Am I not older? So why would I even do that? Am I not single and old? Invariably, my piece is self indicting to me but you chose not to see that.
DeleteYou women will always preach and talk about gender war here but you're often the ones pushing it.
© TEEJAY
An ikegwuru situation
DeleteTeejay cannot just miss any opportunity to bash women
Gifty, he knows who he is trying to impress. He wasn’t like this before
DeleteGifty,
DeleteI throw this challenge to you. Point the sentence, lines or even paragraph I did that. I dare you. I was even quoting the discussion I had. Not as if I made them. Wasn't the counselor who said that a woman? You women should stop this antics and manipulation. It ceases to work on me long ago.
I'm still waiting to see the bash. If you don't do that, then I will deserve an apology from you.
© TEEJAY
From 40years old, most meN has 40percent chance of loosing erection ,they are not that energetic as...you know.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are 40years old the last I checked.
Inasmuch as I agree with some submissions up there, I’d beg to differ on some. Older men and women face these challenges and not only the older women.
ReplyDeleteYour opinion shouldn’t center only on older women alone, there are lots of research that have shown that not only older women suffer some type of childbirth challenges but men also.
@ Brown Sucre,
DeleteRead very well you'll see I started with myself and also talked about men from the beginning. I said some ailments comes with aging which I didn't affix a gender to that. I talked about the older women cos it was my discussion with the counselor on my preference. Go up and read again. It wasn't one-sided nor an attack on a woman. Where the submission false? That should be the question.
© TEEJAY
Where did Teejah bash older women? Some of you will always find faults with his posts.
ReplyDeleteTeejay, while today's narrative is rich with personal insight as usual, it wobbles between shared reflection and subtle prescriptivism. More like it peels back layers of societal expectation and personal hesitation like an onion, while you were careful not to season the narrative with passive gender biases under the guise of realism, you got yourself carried away, forgetting that most are idealistic in our reasoning, to which you are not exempted - lol.
ReplyDeleteWhile your reflections are valid, life isn’t a conveyor belt of benchmarks - marriage by 27, children before 30 - because humans aren't factory products. Life in all its ramifications doesn’t hand out trophies for early marriage; it hands out responsibilities, and not everyone is psychologically or emotionally equipped and wired the same way. The unpredictability of life intrigues is a fascinating fate that has humbled many adult lives. Advising early marriage for the sake of stamina and societal optics oversimplifies the unpredictable terrain of real relationships.
You sipped wine while absorbing unsolicited advice, but did you sip wisdom too - lol? Readiness is not age-bound, and a woman’s womb isn’t a ticking time bomb to be discussed like real estate value. Frame your truth, yes - but don’t coat it in half-baked medical counsel or masculine panic. Not everyone late to the altar is lost - some are just avoiding the wrong ceremony.
To your credit, you rightly acknowledged the subtle detail at the end, but the delivery earlier came off like a sales pitch for matrimonial urgency, subtly framing older women as liabilities. That’s a slippery slope. Instead of parading timelines, champion preparedness, emotional maturity, and partner alignment. Marriage is not just a race against biology, but a dance of readiness and resonance - if the rhythm no dey, sit out until the music truly calls you.
I enjoyed every insight as written, hoping for another exciting yet controversial write-up next Saturday. Our able drama king - my respects. Thank you.
Thanks.
DeleteI love engagement and feedback like this. .
© TEEJAY
Dear TJ,
ReplyDeleteYou do not have to reply to all comments on you posts.
Whoever thinks it is easy to publish a weekly post that satisfies all BVs should run it.
Replying all comments make excuses for some of the comments.
We read your posts and the comments on it
We read comments on other posts here too.
We see. We understand.
Enough said.
Good job you are at.
More power and inspiration.
From the age of 30, sperm quality declines in motility and morphology. Around 36 to 37 damage to sperm DNA begins to increase and risk for genetic disease increases. That is also the age that erectile dysfunction starts. I work in a lab that carries out semen analysis and out of 10 samples may 3 on a good day will be ok. So yes, men have a biological clock.
ReplyDeleteTeejay pls don't reply the comments again trying to explain yourself. Just read and pass. I also run a column here but I just read and pass even if they insult me, I don't answer them.
ReplyDeleteNice job you are doing here bro 👍