CONFRONTATION
I was cleaning my children's room and I came across a note. I opened it and it was a love letter from a girl to one of my boys.In the letter she was telling him how she loves and admire him, that shes his secret admirer and even though he might suspect who she is because she lives in the same street.
She ended the letter by telling him to take care of himself for her.
After reading I don't know if I should be angry or sad. I just folded the note and keep in my room.
When he came back I told him I would like to have a talk with him.
In the evening he followed me outside because I don't want to talk about it in the presence of their dad, that one will make a fuss about it and start telling him how he isn't serious with his books.
S9 I told him I saw a love note addressed to him and he laughed out loud and said mummy your boy is a ten over ten na and I wondered what that means.
I told him to be serious and talk to me. And he said mummy I don't even know who wrote that letter but I'm suspecting one girl and he described the girl and I know her. I asked him how the letter got to him and he said one little boy gave him and after reading he hissed and threw it fling it. That I shouldn't worry about it because that is not his flex now ( I still don't know what that means) he asked where I saw the note and I said under the chair and he was like he can't even remember where he dropped it.
I said I was going to warn the girl but he said I shouldn't.
I'm thinking of confrontation and warning the girl to take her whorism far from my boy.
Madam you shock me!!!...Because she sent a letter to her crush, shes a whore? didnt you have a crush when you were growing up? I also remember writing a letter to my crush back then and we still laugh about it till today even though nothing happened!
These things are part of growing up abeg!.
You didn't include the age of your child for us to decide its OK for him to get love letters or not but please let him be and just give him good advice and DO NOT go and warn someones child to take her whorism somewhere else.
Do you see how you sidelined this boys father ba?
ReplyDeleteYou just called your sons father “that one”
Madam you’ve never been a man in your entire existence
No matter what you say from today till this world ends that will take the place of a fathers word
Tell the father and both of us should address this together with this young man
It’s just a note I know but it’s the small thing that brings out the big things
Honour your husband
Relax .. that one is just an exprss
DeleteUna too dey read meaning
You are correct .tell the father so both of you will decide
DeleteStella don’t stress yourself
ReplyDeleteFrom the way she addressed her husband you know pe na them
Your husband is this one
The girl is a whore
Your son is a saint
You are the mother in Israel
Rudeeeee
First ask that boy what he has been sending out
The one he is doing find am too
Abeg getat
lol
DeleteHusband - that one
Girl - whore
Son - budding saint
You- mother in Isreal
This took me out lmaoooo 😂😂😂😂
Mother in isreal 😀😀
DeleteWarn the girl? Calling her a whore, and you're a mother. Really. Jeeeez. Do NOT do that. She wrote a love letter, not like she sent nudes o. I did that, got some sent to me as well, it's one of those things abeg.
ReplyDeleteI saw a love letter in my cousin's daughter's school bag upto 3 times. She was in primary 4 then o. I am not even sure she could read, and I don't know if it was her classmate or a primary 6 person that wrote that thing to her. Parents should check their kid's school bags (secretly) from time to time. If you let them know that you are checking their bags they'll start hiding those things in places that you'll never find them.
ReplyDeleteKids love a challenge, so do not challenge or confront the girl; otherwise, you will make things worse.
ReplyDeleteA boy old enough to use those slang though I don't his age should know how to clean his room. Please use the same energy you are using in protecting him to tell him to keep his clean.
ReplyDeleteAnd Having a crush on your son doesn't make her a whore
Madam don't be a hypocrite and teach your son humility, he is already sounding cocky/egotistic and arrogant, 10 over 10 indeed, teach that lord son to also tidy his room himself. Whorish indeed, pickme mothers create toxic sons
DeleteI strongly disagree, you confront the girl...they are all still growing and what you need exactly is guiding your own children...you can't confront everyone out there... your obligations are your children ,train them well..I am telling you, you can't vouch for your son too. You don't know what he his putting out there also! Guide him and keep praying for him....Hrrmm, in-between, be mindful of how you address or refer to your husband both in public spaces and in privacy...cheers
ReplyDeleteMama please be calming down. And you are not even certain. Plus the word,you used in describing her,it's too strong.
ReplyDeleteStella chop kiss💋 😘 To say I am disappointed in you is an understatement...You confirmed there was nothing erotic but you have labelled the girl a whor3...my goodness...weren't you a teenager yourself? Your parenting skills will make your son avoid & hide things from you...you missed an opportunity to validate his feelings and teach him how to channel his emotions...why should you confront her? When you and your husband should speak in a calm, non judgemental way...Because your parents were harsh in upbringing, you mustn't tow the line...How about teaching him how to have a healthy relationship with females...
ReplyDeleteThe way you approach your husband to discuss this will determine his response...If you let him know with wisdom, he won't be harsh on him....the world is crazy right now; don't do things to push him into the world rather than having succor in your hands...
Please read books and articles how to raise teenager...This strategy will make it worse..
All the best
It's all part of growing up Ma'am . See how you nicely protected your son and another person'a daughter is. A whore to you , not nice at all . Get your husband involved too. The boy needs good talking.
ReplyDeleteYou called the girl a whore because she has a crush on your son!
ReplyDeleteWonderful!
Just like Stella asked, did you have a crush while growing up. Even at this age and married, you have never felt attracted to someone who is not ur spouse?
My daughter is 12, and we discussed about her crush.
How you just dismissed your husband.
He is alive and in the same house, allow him play his fatherly role towards his son.
Other bvs will help you out
How old is yout son?
ReplyDeleteYou downgraded your husband with your words, and relegated his likely opinion to the base and calling the girl a whore says alot about who you are.
You needed to see how I was reading fast to see the age of the boy.
ReplyDeleteMadam you want to call someone’s child a whore? From the languages your son uttered here do you believe he’s innocent or naive?? He just may not like this particular girl. Advice your son and stop condemning another person’s child
It seems you and your husband are the same holier than thou judgemental person. Your actions will annihilte your son and na him kind fit give woman Belle.
ReplyDeleteTry giving him proper sex education and tell him the consequences of impregnating s girl without shouting or being judgemental.
This 👋
DeleteImagine calling another person’s young child a whore. Some of you are so backward in thinking and abusive in the way you think of other ppl’s children. Good Lord
ReplyDeleteOne time in primary 4 my son wrote a love letter to a girl attached one of my earrings,not the complete pair oh just one
ReplyDeleteOmo school called me I went initially I was angry oh when I saw one earring Omo I burst laugh
So my son you saw what is bigger our farm and sold our barn (Igbo adage)
What will she do with one earring
Haaa Chim oh
Who is this girl sef
I went to see her
Oh my goodness…I went back and shook my son hand
Nnam you have eyes
Chim oh,the girl is in same primary 4 but a different arm ,absolutely beautiful
Sculptured and pleasing to look upon
Royalty was all over her
Kai she is beautiful and for a girl her age her carriage was perfect
My goodness
I went home
My son came back in the evening and I taught him that it’s not so
There are going to more and more beautiful ladies however if he ever chooses a lady because of his sight he will miss it
He learnt
Madam tell the father pls and don't listen to those telling you it is part of growing up ,not everybody will grow up doing bad thing before they do good thing.It is not right to call the girl but let the father take it hot,hot place.Spare the rod and spoilt the child.Pls the rod doesn't mean cain ,hard word also is a rod .If you are a christian pls jointly talked with your child both your husband and yourself.Dont use the wordly way of training your child .
ReplyDeleteWhat do you expect the father to do
DeleteHe received a letter he didn’t write it
Holier than thou, welcome.
DeleteTake her whorism far from your son? that was too harsh,how old is your son?
ReplyDeleteOur environment is corrupt exposing our.kids to immorality. These kids can access internet easily with phones and could come across immoral pictures and videos online. Some of these friends our kids keep in school spend time with nannys/house keepers cos their parents have to go to work and the house keepers sometimes abuse these kids destroying them morally.
ReplyDeleteMy 12 years old son has also complained of issues like this, how some certain group of boys in his.class (js3) write letters to girls same class and I have warned him but he assured me he can never join them in such act. So you can see how corrupt the environment is.
Poster pls you have to keep talking to that child, and the importance of him associating with the right friends in school.
Hope you won't feel offended if your son is referred to as a cu!ti$t or fr@udster due to his slang as you Don term person daughter as whore.
ReplyDeleteIf you go confront the girl, and you jam her mother or she tell her mother and na mama wey sound.
Hope you can take whatever you see
What have I just read? Poster this is not 1942. Children their age act like that, it's part of development. This is the time you and their father have to come together and befriend your child so he can talk to you without secrets and you can guide them. You have no business warning the girl, the farther you can go is speak to her parents if they are friendly. Don't go humiliating the poor child for being human.
ReplyDeleteHe is 16yrs and wrote the just concluded waec.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for using the word whorism that came out wrong.ske una forgive me. I shouldn't have used that.
When I was 11, I had a crush on a girl named Bola. I loved seeing her and her presence did things to me. Madam, kids have feelings of affection too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Tell your son to focus on his studies: that's all you can do. You want to confront a 16-year-old because you think she is a bad person for having feelings😂🤣🤣🤣
DeleteWho did this to you ma? Did you not have boys you liked when you were a teenager?
It okay. What's important is that you acknowledged your mistake. The world is already tough on the girl child and as women we shouldn't enable it.
DeleteYour 16 year old son has finished WAEC and you are acting like this? Will you follow him to Uni? Abi you will employ lecturers to come teach him at home?
DeleteI think you really need to work on your orientation about women and men. If you have trained your child well, should you not trust that he should be able to do the right thing, instead of trying to go warn another person’s daughter who is only expressing age appropriate feelings towards your son.
Also, your son isn’t as innocent as you want to deceive yourself into believing. That thing you don’t want him to know at 16, he knows it and more… going by his response to you. Just so you don’t keep deceiving yourself and trying to fight the women around him.
Your son eyes even tear well well for using those slangs. I believe he must have written love letters to others as well
DeleteMadam, your motherly instincts are valid, but calling a child a "whore" for writing a love letter is like using a sledgehammer to crack a peanut. Many of us passed through that phase: a crush's love notes are often harmless echoes of curiosity, fantasy or infatuation, depending on the age, not moral collapse - like you see it. Except you are from a different planet, but this is the sweet chaos of adolescence, where love letters flutter like confetti and parents clutch their pearls.
ReplyDeleteLet me cut through your noise: your son’s nonchalance ("Mummy, your boy is a ten over ten") suggests he’s either unbothered or playing cool. Either way, your knee-jerk label of "whorism" is a misfire - innocent crushes aren’t indictments biko. Don’t go pouring diesel on puberty’s flame. Rather than stage a confrontation, sit your son down again, with his father and mentor him. Give him the tools - emotional literacy, boundaries, respect for self and others - not just to react, but to understand.
And at no time should you sideline his father in your quest to raise a man of good character, both parents have their roles to play in a child's life. Otherwise, you’ll be modelling a fractured teamwork that may become what you are afraid of. A united front trumps solo theatrics, please. It shows a harmonious synergy in decision-making. Going forward, clean your lens. That girl isn’t a villain, she’s a child with a heartbeat.
Your son isn’t a saint - however you want to portray it; he’s a work in progress that society may yet influence regardless. The bottom line is to parent your child - the right approach matters. The world will handle hers. So, breathe, you are right on time - it hasn’t become a crisis yet, it’s a teachable moment. Handle it with wisdom, not wrath. You’re raising a man, not protecting a relic from contamination.
Madam you should have discussed this with your husband before speaking to your son. Parenting is not for one person but for both parent. Speak to your husband so that you both can monitor your child in a proper way.
ReplyDeleteSit him down and discuss about that later and let him understand hid left from his right. Boy child take instructions from their father more than their mother and from your explanation you pet your boy child than his father.
Remember when you constantly disrespect your husband, tomorrow that child will also disrespect you.
This is not even new, in 1983 I wrote a letter to my crush in the class and was in the middle of handling it to her when it dropped in the Classroom and in the process of using my foot to push the letter, our class mistress saw the act ,and eventually took the note. Omo, we were stood up in the class, send to cut grass later. But then, nothing really happens between me and the girl. It is just the too much of reading Mill and Boon at that time. Even when I marry at the age of 34 I was still a Virgin. When you have hormones you would have feelings, it just the education on how you handle your response. This is a very normal development among teenagers abeg.
ReplyDeleteYour son sounds full of himself. I hope you are not one of those mom who believe that only the girl child deserves a firm hand.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDelete16? Poster do your findings about your son first before calling somebody's daughter a whore, he's practically a young adult.
It's not unusual for teenagers to develop relationships or crushes around this age. As a teacher, particularly a form teacher for JSS 3 students, I've encountered similar situations many times. Don't blame the girl, it natural.
It’s worrisome the kind of mother in law you will make some day
ReplyDeleteExtremely worrying. Poster , will you follow you son to university?. You should be setting him up to be independent. Start teaching him to be by himself in time.
DeleteNne ehn! Na wetin I just dey think
DeleteReligion if not handle properly will move one far from the avid they claim to serve.
DeleteDear poster and other young women like her, stop downgrading the role of the men in the home and life of children. Before labeling me a “pick me”, I’m 57, married with adult children of both genders and I am proud of the role of their dads in their success so far. Dismissing the dad is uncalled for, he is a man and was once a boy. He can relate more with your son’s realities than you. Raise kids in love and with a united voice. Many of my fellow women talk as if they assume they love their kids more than the dads. It’s not always true. Let him take the lead and speak to your son together. May God help us all.
ReplyDelete*the role of their dad*….. singular. (Typo error).
DeleteGod bless you! A boy needs his father and this woman seems like he is not allowing her husband to be present in his son's life. Some boy moms don't even realise how toxic they sound. And as a futue MIL, na God go save her DIL.
ReplyDelete