WHAT CHANGED?
Hello....
Please I need your advice.
I’m expecting a baby with my boyfriend and I think he’s of the opinion of us living separately. But in the past, he was asking me to cancel my lease and move in.
I live in a one bedroom house with a daughter while he’s single and lives in a three bedroom house. Before I got pregnant he was always talking about us moving in.
What changed now?
When I confronted him, he was like okay come live with me if that will make life easier for us? I didn’t think it came from his heart so I extended my lease.
When I told him I extended my lease he kissed my forehead which confused me.
I really want us to live together as I want us to raise our child together but I don’t want any pressure. He gave me the excuse of his house being far from my workplace which isn’t exactly far.
He said I won’t have to do this alone and he will come and see us from time to time which to me is wanting to be a father but playing a part time role. Should I bring it up with him again?
Now he’s saying he will get me a two bedroom flat. Isn’t he embarrassed that he’s getting us a flat while he lives in a three bedroom house? Should I insist we live with him?
Please help.
When I told him I extended my lease he kissed my forehead which confused me.
I really want us to live together as I want us to raise our child together but I don’t want any pressure. He gave me the excuse of his house being far from my workplace which isn’t exactly far.
He said I won’t have to do this alone and he will come and see us from time to time which to me is wanting to be a father but playing a part time role. Should I bring it up with him again?
Now he’s saying he will get me a two bedroom flat. Isn’t he embarrassed that he’s getting us a flat while he lives in a three bedroom house? Should I insist we live with him?
Please help.
NOTHING CHANGED!!...he was not serious and you my dear are too easy!....Why didnt you even use protection? The man dos not want commitment and he was probably just leading you on to get your cookie jar.....So when this relationship ends, will you get pregnant for the next one?Please do not move in with him and there is no reason for him to be embarrassed, you are the one that should be embarrassed trying to commit him with pregnancy...
My dear, better stay on your own o. Before you will move in now, and he will make life unbearable for you.
ReplyDeleteSomebody that is not a wife wants to demand the privileges and dues that come with being a wife. OP, he owes you nothing. He only owes a responsibility to his unborn child and he clearly appears willing to meet up with that.
ReplyDeleteBringing a child into the world is a huge undertaking and is something that should actively be planned and prepared for. The only way to get him to commit to anything by way of responsibility to you is through marriage and from the looks of it, that's not what you want.
I think you should stick to your initial arrangement of staying apart. So long as he can be there for his child. Distance is a quality of its own in relationships. You might move in and when the inevitable clash happens, he might just throw you out. Your staying apart has brought you to this point and you guys are still together. Don't introduce the dynamic of you moving in and then your relationship comes under pressure.
You're on your own hanti
ReplyDeleteExactly,he doesn't want commitment..
ReplyDeleteNow u are already pregnant,he just wants to be in the life of the child and still play single..
This relationship won't last.
I'm not sure that guy is serious, have this baby but plssss don't get pregnant again as it might have 3 babies with 3 different men. That's a big embarrassment.
ReplyDeleteMadam he is not interested in commitment, sorry
ReplyDeleteMy sister, kindly dey your dey o, to avoid stories that touch. It's crystal clear this man has another woman who's important to him than you. And he knows what your moving in may cause him. He's ready to lose you but isn't ready to lose the other woman. Use your tongue and count your teeth
ReplyDeleteSo you didn’t learn from your first ‘mistake?’ Was a born one single mother, instead of focusing on you and getting your bags up to elevate you and your daughter, you decided to shackle again with a man who hadn’t wifed you, had no intention of wifing you and now you’re on your way to being a single mother of two with no man in the picture ? You girls can be really embarrassing and a huge disappointment.
ReplyDeleteHow do you know her daughter was not lawfully conceived?
DeleteI do not know if it is worth it to be prideful in your condition. It is better to sulk and take up his offer and the money you would pay for rent then saved it in a rainy day fund. Not everybody likes to drive a distance for work everyday, so it may not be far to you but doing it twice a day five days a week may be too much and that is fine.
ReplyDeleteRemember that everything that you and say is teaching your daughter about how to be a woman.
You should have a child with someone that doesn’t want both you and the child
ReplyDeleteI would remove it
You should not*
DeleteI don't know if this will eventually qualify as a chronicle but I want to write and share my story, maybe just maybe, I might heal. I discovered lately that sharing this might be therapeutic for me.
ReplyDeleteFor starters, I am full blown adult male in my mid 40's. I am a Nigerian ( pls don't bother about my Tribe) raised and still a Christian and gainfully employed and doing good for my age.
I will be writing and doing a lot of confession(s) about my cheating ways! Why am I writing this? I am tired but I can't help it! So, it's going to be a long epistle dropped from time to time ( Depending on my mood) I want to also read people's comments maybe I can get healing from it.
Here we go,
I was barely 9 years old when our maid taught me how to lick plate and suck. She also introduced other maids into the whole thing...so, at age 9, I was doing 3somes with maids, my job was to lick and suck ( boobs and plate) My reward: Condensed Milk, Baba Dudu, Fan Ice cream and bigger portions of food. My folks? (Busy and good parents till date)
I gat to go now... I will continue
You were abused by the maid. You need therapy or Trauma Healing. You were doing adult stuff at age 9. It shapes and changes the psyche of a person.
DeleteThe Lord will help you. He himself bore our infirmity and by His stripes, you were healed. Isaiah 53:4 This verse of scripture also refers to emotional and psychological healing etc.
Cry out to God.
Please get professional intervention through therapy or counseling. It may help to put it out there but invest in your mental and spiritual healing. You can both use religious methods and professional methods together.
DeleteI sincerely wish you freedom from bondage and that you eventually become the best version of yourself. There is no hole so deep or dark that God cannot pull you out of❤️
Could be one out of many reasons,of which all are just favouring him..
ReplyDeleteA) He doesn't want you to be in his corner 24/7;so as to allow him do other activities,could be good or bad
B) He wants a child,but needs to maintain his privacy and status as a single man;so you be the mother,unpaid nanny and the caregiver,while he just sends you money and still enjoy single life
C) He lied to you about moving in with him,anything can be said just to cure konji especially when the sperm cramps kicks in;and the nearest cum-bucket was you.
D) He isn't proud of you,and now pregnancy has happened,reality has set in and he can only buy just support,but from afar,cos he doesn't want to be tied down yet.
E) you arent the main woman,and if you come to his house and live with him;news would fly to the main chick and he would lose her,so it's better he makes you his Baby Mama,have a child as well,but all from afar.
So you see,he has everything to gain! and here is wishing you and him all the very best in your long distance co-parenting.
@MARTINS
From his statement is always YOU not US, d handwriting is so clear on the wall, I just pray he doesn't throw you a BOMB.
ReplyDeleteThe earlier we realise that people change either for better or worse the better for us all. Feelings also change.
ReplyDeleteBecause you are pregnant for him does not mean you must both live together, I know you both are supposed to be close to raise your child together but he obviously doesn't want that. My sister you are on a long journey o, because the way it's going is like you gonna be the next baby mama/single mother. God is your strength
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like your boyfriend’s mixed signals are leaving you confused, and rightfully so. Before pregnancy, he wanted you to move in, but now he’s pulling back with excuses that don’t quite add up. His offer to rent you another place while he stays in his three-bedroom home suggests he wants to help but isn’t emotionally ready for full commitment.
ReplyDeleteYou should definitely talk to him again, calmly and clearly. Let him know you value raising the baby together but need honesty about what’s changed. Don’t move in just to please him or out of pressure. Let his actions, not words, show the kind of partner and father he truly intends to be.
You should already have an appointment with a Gynae if you can’t handle a second child. There ll be no support for you
ReplyDeletePoster see you see.shege branza
ReplyDeleteShege promax loading for you if you move in with him, he is not serious and ready to stay together with you..
He just wanted the continuous availability of cookie,without strings. 🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeletePoster just stay at your house and enjoy the peace,don't put your mind on him, focus on yourself and baby.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure he's not a married man?
ReplyDeleteIt's crystal clear that he doesn't want to live with you, stay on your own and birth your child.
I don’t agree he doesn’t owe you anything
ReplyDeleteThat’s just a cop out
Honorable people don’t need marriage to do right by you
He should be man enough to spell it out for you that’s he’s not interested in full commitment
I doubt he meant it when he said you could move in with him. Not every single guy is ready to start a life with a single mother.He is not ready for excess baggage yet
ReplyDeleteFor heaven's sake, you had your first daughter possibly out of wedlock, and your second is on the way out of wedlock too....I sabi say life no easy sometimes, and relationship no dey always go as we plan. But to born another pikin when the relationship never strong fit make things hard for you and the children. From all indication, this new guy no send you, but your brain dey deceive you. Why you wan move in with a guy that is visibly not committing to this relationship?? Make una dey respect unasef abeg...
ReplyDelete