Drama King Teejay's CORNER

A couple of days ago, I overheard a group of guys discussing something real, not a movie.
A man sat down a grown son he had raised that had called him “father” for years, and told him he was not his biological child. He said he was letting him know now in case anything happened to him tomorrow.

According to them, the wife, who is the young man’s mother, knew her husband planned to disclose it. She wasn’t happy, but she was comforted by the fact that she had other children with him.

The guys discussing this issue were justifying it. They said he did the right thing to avoid conflict after he joined his ancestors. I couldn’t hold back, so I joined in the conversation.
I asked them, “What surname has the young man been bearing all these years?” They said the man’s surname, the one married to his mother.

I told them, “Do you now see how wicked that ‘father’ was?” How do you expect a man over 30 to process and live with that reality after all those years? Was there even a need to say it at all?

They’re all siblings bonded by one mother. That move only created disunity. I might have understood if the young man’s biological father was in the picture, but he wasn’t. Who knows if he even knew he had a son, or if he’s still alive?

I find it distasteful when people adopt a child while trying to conceive, or marry a single mum with an infant, only to break their heart years later by telling them their “real” identity.

Something like this happened in my community years ago. A woman married into the community with a child. When the boy grew into his 20s, some people told him he wasn’t from the community and would always be denied the benefits other families get.
His mother was heartbroken. She explained everything and told him the truth about his father. Years later, that boy became a millionaire. Very wealthy. He went back to his father’s community, bought land, and built mansions there. He vowed never to build anything in his stepfather’s community. He cut off the youths who kept asking him for projects. One line he always said was, “Those who rejected me have no moral right to my support or benevolence.”

Traditionally, some Igbo families are clear before giving out their daughter’s hand in marriage. If she’s a single mum, will you accept the baby as yours? It’s a condition. This is usually when the child is still an infant. You can’t accept a woman and throw her child away. I don’t think any woman would be happy in that situation. Some women won’t even accept the proposal.

A child born out of wedlock. In the Igbo culture, If an unmarried girl gets pregnant, the child belongs to her father’s house, bears his surname, and is treated like every other family member. The man who impregnated her has no right to the child unless he pays full bride price. Customarily, if a married woman gets pregnant outside, the husband is still regarded as the legal father because bride price was paid. The child belongs to the husband’s lineage. Although practices vary by town/village because Igbo culture isn’t one monolithic rulebook. Isuikwuato for example has very strict taboos around married women’s pregnancy outside.

Anambra / Nnewi area “A child is a child” If married woman gets pregnant outside, the husband is still the legal father. Bride price confers legal ownership of the children. The child inherits from the husband, not the biological father but there's a limitation which is, that child could not be custodian of the ọfọ staff if he became the oldest in ụmụnna. Ọfọ is the symbol of truth/purity, so there was still a small restriction.

Impregnating a married woman in Imo/Isuikwuato area, is a serious taboo called ikwa ala(to mourn the land). It's regarded as a sacred taboo with a spiritual consequences. It requires public ritual and sacrifice for purification. Sometimes a male dog or a female goat is used.

Originally, no “bastard” word in the Igbo culture. So children born in their mother’s father’s house were still accepted as gifts from the gods. No stigmatization title. If biological father wants the child later, he must pay the woman’s dowry, wine, yam etc, just to claim the child, not the wife. Rejection/stigma of the child itself was traditionally minimal. Today, modern Christianity and Western influence has made “bastardization” more of a thing now than before.