Chronicle Of A Happily Divorced Woman --Part 1

She is celebrating being divorced and this Column will run until part 10...

''I left my short lived marriage with a resolve never to return to the ‘Egypt’.

I left after a big fight with ex-hubby. I was fed up with the whole sham, no way forward, all my resources, and savings were gone; the strength and little dignity I had left was gone. I left before I would be picked up one day by an ambulance and fighting for my young life.

The fight had actually been building up from several quarrels to little fights. Then one day he hit me again.

That day he was preparing for work, we got talking about getting herbs from Iya Alagbo for the kids (we do get them to cleanse their system once in a while) Then he said I was wasting my time looking for when he already brought some home. Yes, he did but they had mold and my mum who was around saw it and advised that we don’t use it. He too agreed and we threw them away.

I then reminded him that it was bad and we discarded it. He replied that I should have not listened to my mum, I should have used it. I told him he was wrong since we all agreed, why accuse me all of a sudden? 

He told me I was not well trained, I should listen only to him and no one else, I should know that women should listen only to their husbands, not outsiders, this and that.  I kept quiet as I knew the next thing will be fight. But as I kept quiet, it seems it infuriated him more and then he hit me.

 This was after series of family meetings on this same issue; after we both agreed he would put a stop to it.
He then shut the door and left for work. I sat there for a long time and thought about my sad life; the continuous abuse, the lack of necessary things I needed, his harassments at my place of work, the neglects and oppressions, how he imprisons me in the house, constant reports to family and friends, the shame it brought me. 

I got up to bathe but the zeal for life had vanished. I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw nothing that resembled me. Lost, emaciated, traumatized and hopeless, I wept for myself.

When he came back in the evening, there was no apologies,  nothing. Like he did nothing wrong. I thought to myself ‘is this the life you promised yourself”? How can my children be everyday witnesses to this kind of life. I was physically and psychologically drained. My heart was severely broken.

So on the day I left, we had fought and dragged ourselves outside naked. I don’t remember what caused the fight. My kids were just crying. It was not a good sight at all. 

My landlord came downstairs and tried to separate us. While he was chastising my ex, I went in to pack my things. I decided my kids wouldn’t have to go through this in my lifetime. 

The things I couldn’t carry, I left them. I called a taxi and we left.

He came after some months with his family for reconciliation after series of calls and nasty messages. But the meeting did not yield any fruit as I refused to go back. I later went to move my remaining things. Oh, I could breathe again, I was free. Free from every week fights, beatings, threats and so on. I was at peace, and for the first time in my life, I knew what peace of mind really meant.

Hmmmmm. While I was happy with my freedom, I didn’t know it was the beginning of my woes...