STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
OBSESSED
Hello Stella,
I am a married man who loves and cherish his wife so much. We are not staying together because of our jobs are far apart from each other. I am always in need of my wife's attention every minutes of my time to make the distance between us not to affect us.
Hello Stella,
I am a married man who loves and cherish his wife so much. We are not staying together because of our jobs are far apart from each other. I am always in need of my wife's attention every minutes of my time to make the distance between us not to affect us.
I wake up every morning, my wife is who I want to first speak with even before I say morning prayers. Before I do anything or go anywhere, I will let my wife know first about it before I do them. I put my wife first above my job, my family and everything. I always want to be so attached and happy with my wife. With her nothing else matters to me.
But in all these things she is telling me I am Obsessed with her. She doesn't pick my calls when I calls in the morning immediately I wake up or return the calls when she wakes up. Her constant excuses is always that she woke up late and had to rush out to work. During the day (lunch hours) if I calls her she always sounds so busy during lunch with colleagues or friends and when I calls at night after work hours she always sounds tired and sleeps off on the calls.
When its weekends that I will want to spend time on calls and video calls she neglects me and my calls because of her mother's sister staying around her that she has been with her all through the weekend. She prefers her family(her parents and aunts) more than me her husband.
She can only have my time when her job, or non of her aunts is not available. I always come last to her in everything. I have suggested for us to get her a job in the same city where I am because I earn far more than what she earns but she declined the idea.
When I complain about all of these things, she always picks offense that I complain to much. That I pick issues in everything, that am too Obsessed with her. When ever we talk things over with she will always pledges to change her attitudes towards me and tells me how much she loves me but still to no avail.
When I complain about all of these things, she always picks offense that I complain to much. That I pick issues in everything, that am too Obsessed with her. When ever we talk things over with she will always pledges to change her attitudes towards me and tells me how much she loves me but still to no avail.
I have never in our lives done anything wrong to my wife from our 2 years of dating and 4 years in marriage now. I have been keeping all these problems to ourselves not even my/her parents or siblings have heard anything about this.
Please I want peoples opinions and advice on what to do and how best to solve this issues. I love my wife so much and don't want that to change or anything to stop me from loving her. Meanwhile in the other hand I am not happy because all these things are hurting me so much.
I don't know if I am the one being selfish and too Obsessed with my wife.
Thank you, I will be waiting for your urgent reply and approval of my request to share this on your blog and also keep my identity anonymous.
Sincerely,
Anonymous
Please I want peoples opinions and advice on what to do and how best to solve this issues. I love my wife so much and don't want that to change or anything to stop me from loving her. Meanwhile in the other hand I am not happy because all these things are hurting me so much.
I don't know if I am the one being selfish and too Obsessed with my wife.
Thank you, I will be waiting for your urgent reply and approval of my request to share this on your blog and also keep my identity anonymous.
Sincerely,
Anonymous
*WOW!!!!!!!
Is it that she is not responding at all?not responding well or not just interested in you?Men who nag are worse than women who do.
*WOW......
Being Obsessed with your wife is OK but are you channelling the obsession positively or negatively?In your case it seems you are heading South!
Maybe you should tone down the complaints,and just take what she has to offer,you should have seen this behaviour when you were dating?
I dont know why she does not want to relocate to join you,it is very important that you find out why.
Tone down the complaints and just enjoy the moments you get to spend with her....your type is rare from what you say so this is me giving you a hard pat on the back and saying well done!!
SIDE BOO ALERT. @Princess Tever
ReplyDeleteHis story doesn’t sound real. He can’t be telling the truth. Is the woman a devil
DeleteAll this men that make up stories to make look like saint are dangerous
Oga abeeg give madam some breathing space. Don't choke her to death with this your over bearing love. Haven't heard of the proverb that says if you love a thing let it go,if its yours it will defiantly stay.
DeleteI thought my hubby wrote this, hahaha, I can promise your wife isn’t seeing any man, women get tired of too much attention, most times I do it and don’t know I am, she may be occupied with the kids, assignments or just wants to rest it doesn’t mean she hates you or doesn’t love you cus the day you reduce it she will notice and start lookin for your attention.
DeleteThis is an eye opener, let me better change,
She has a side Boo bro... Take heart
DeleteAnd some women are begging for her hubby to call them
DeleteSomething is not right. Why won't she want to get a job closer to her husband? Maybe she doesn't really love you. Send her a link to this post. Why won't aNY normal wife want to move closer to her husband? If you are abroad and doing menial job, then I will support her. But if not, she get a boo
DeletePush up point of correction i dont ever get tired of too much attention from a man i love and that i am inlove with talkless of my husband
Delete@Anonymous....thumps up,it is true dt 1 can neva get tayad of d person 1 luvs.
DeleteEeyah! Chronicle of a lovey dovey husband. Try and talk to her and maybe you tone down the obsession because it can lead to jealousy which I think you are showing in your calls to her
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thing I opened this chronicle on time. Because, this is exactly my plan if I get married to my present Boo. Truth be told, he has chased me for good 2years and some months. Got me the engagement ring. It's been a battle trying to get me to accept the proposal, but I finally did. Because he is a good man. I am really indifferent about marraige but I want to have my kids honorable and relax, maybe relocate away from marriage's troubles and family wahala. I know this is selfish, but it is how I feel.
DeleteSee poster, it is either your wife does not love you, just got married for societial reasons or she has gotten so rooted in the freedom she enjoys away from you, she maybe cheating or not, but one thing is sure, She ain't into you.
She is simply enjoying her freedom .get your wife to join you.period
DeletePoster,you didn’t mention if you guys have a child or children!...
ReplyDeleteI will only advise you get her pregnant!...
Trust me,all these would change!...
I suspect she is cheating too!...but forgive her if you find out!...
Conji na bastard!!..
Mama the mama..!
DeleteYour comment dey totori me aswearragad..
Cheating came to my mind too..
I hope she isn't.. cause he "sounds" like a good guy.. just saying
Exactly my sentiments. Four years and you guys dont have kids? Whats the purpose of the marriage again? No kids. No companionship. No business profit to share. *sideeyes*
DeleteFor the first time, you write something sensible.
DeleteLooks like you repented just for today . . . watching.
I promise you all, she’s not, she may just be like that cus I am like that, but when my hubby is home I am all over him
DeleteExactly. I suspected same. She may be cheating on you. She is not bothered about having children. Try and the job fir her first . Then you will know if she really wants to be with you. You guys should be together as a couple. Is too early to start leaving separetely.
DeleteAbeg if its the woman now they will say she's clingy nd too needy. Oga you are clingy give her some space. Women needs space too.. It seems she's not the attachee cum body type. why you no find your type so you both will enjoy the every time calls.
ReplyDeleteI think you love her way more than she loves you. Pele.
If she needs her space like you said then why did she get married? Their long distance marriage is already giving her all the space she wants but not giving him time for calls can cause more harm than good. She is definitely distracted and all the excuses that her aunt are around might just be another guy with her and she doesn't want to pick your call in his presence. Let's be sincere here,if this was a woman in this guys shoes, all of us will conclude he is cheating.
DeleteIf you know you don't want to be committed and put time and little effort to make your marriage work, then leave marriage the hell alone.Cos if she can actually get another job in your state of residence but doesn't want to then I am sure she married you for a different reason entirely. The first step is to find a way to start living together like normal couple. maybe occasional travelling but distance should be discourage.
Then you can now study her and know what exactly the problem is then find a way to fix it. And I hope you're not monitoring her because you're cheating and scared she might also be doing same?
Thank you o anonymous...I don't know why Stella's comments deletes pples thinking faculty. For goodness sake d man is not demanding too much...what is wrong with u talking to ur husband in d morning or at night...she is cheating biko. Oga give her a surprise visit and see her reaction.
DeleteMe thinks your wife doesn't love you anymore.
ReplyDelete....thats if she ever loved him, probably just wanted to keep her family & world ppl off her back with the whole "when will you marry? this year or next year, sometime or never.. January, febuary, march, april, may, june, july....." *singing* Lol.
DeleteWhen some women complain of lack of attention from their husbands. Na wa o, Oga free her. Let her miss you a little, maybe she will learn to appreciate what she has. Just maybe
DeleteYou’re not obsessed and I don’t think you should change your behaviour(complaints). What you’re doing is what many women want and yet your wife is complaining. I do understand that her work might be demanding and there are days she’d be too tired to stay on a call longer.
ReplyDeleteWhy not spring up a surprise on her? These constant video and audio calls get tiring too sometimes. You two should also discuss how much longer you have to live apart as it is not healthy at all. I don’t subscribe to her leaving her job simply because you earn more but if she can be transferred to where you are or you can seek same while maintaining your jobs then it is best. Communication and compromise is key for any relationship. Talk to her and let her know how you feel about her behavior. Ask her what she wants or expects you to do since she believes you are obsessed.
Please poster take this advise. @Doppelganger my love for you just tripled 👍
Delete@doppelganger....u r very correct from A to Z,as d saying goes''some ppl av head but av no cap to wear on d head, while some dn't av both but wldn't apperciate wat dey av.......@poster, plz toll doppelganger's advise,call her again n but plz erase d tot of her cheating on u 4 now.
DeleteYou're so correct doppelganger...one man's meat is another man's poison.
DeleteTone it down a bit Oga, when she notices you’re a bit distant she will want to change her ways. In the long run, always remember you are different people, just because you are married does not mean she suddenly likes what you like and shows affection the way you do. Take it easy with her. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous....u r also right....poster shld also try & give her sm space n see ow tinz will turn out.....if she den no notice any tin, den poster, u no nid sdvised oda dan 2 use ur tongue 2 count ur teeth,,,,,dt z u r d 1 dt can mk d decision ur sef(na ur hand e dey)
DeletePoster why not try and tone it down for one month.Do not call her for a whole day. In-fact, start calling once in a week.Do not chat her up or do video calls.I think this strategy should reset her brain.If it doesn't then she is no longer in love with you or she is cheating on you.
DeleteYour wife no longer loves you and it's due to the distance between you.
ReplyDeletePlease try everything possible for her to join you.
Your wife is cheating.
DeleteShe is eating her cake and having it.
Cant you visit her by surprise?
Anyway,when you find out try and forgive her.
Do not poison this man's heart with hate talks like this, my husband can disturb me with calls for Africa, if I travel or I go out without him, his calls alone spoils my fun, he calls almost every minute of the day, where are, what are doing, has the children eaten? As if he will fly to come and feed them, have they taken their bath, hope you cover them very well because of cold, don't stay outside late oo, come inside, sit up, sit down, buy panadol, don't drink water, eat food ooo Jeez, so anytime am travelling I always beg him not to call me, that I will call if need be, Haba,gini kam ji isi kote,so if the man is like that he should give her a breathing space he is probably choking her with too much calls, and which could atimes be irritating.
Delete😂😂😂 @ gini kam ji isi kote 😄
DeleteTHank you anon, I can be having one sweet gist and my hubby starts calling and I know the talk will take time mehn, I will finish and call him back o, you guys don’t understand that’s why. She’s not cheating, the day this man stops she will cry for his attention trust me it has happened to me
DeleteHe’s probably doing all the things this woman said her hubby does. Oga, GIVE HER SPACE. You no get friends?
Delete*Singing*...
ReplyDeleteEven your boo get a boo....
Poster, you need your wife around you . Distance marriage is not good for your type. If you can get her another job in the state where you 're , please do and relocate your family.
ReplyDeleteIn the mean time , you can create time and visit her often pending when you push through with the relocation. Also, try and have detailed discussion with her and explain your reasons for the relocation.
When some people are looking for a dotting husband , someone is out there taking it for granted.
But after all your pleas and efforts to relocate her and she refused , then ignore and give her space her for some time - no calls, as in give her space. By then, she would definitely miss and appreciate you. But don't cheat on her.
This man has cheated on his wife before and thinks showing attention would take away or maybe change everything let him confess. He is hiding something from us
ReplyDeleteEverybody no be like you.
DeleteDo you have sense at all?
Deletechai world people.
DeleteYour type of analysis is scary
@Anonymous....smtymz is not alwz lyk dt,sm ppl juz lyk 2 b close,romantic,alwz wantin dir spouse or gf ard or talkin 2 him / her everytym.....we shld learn not 2 start giving excuses every now n den, rather make tym 4 ur r/lnship.....if he z not a lovey dovey guy,am sure she go dey complain day in, day out,now he z n still it z lookin as if his wifey is not apperciating it...human beings r juz insatisable,sm ppl seem not 2 eva know wat dey eva want.
DeleteBtw poster,man's hottt! Na letter 'S' dey rush you....
ReplyDeleteObsession?? I'd call it dedication!!
ReplyDeleteA wise Amish man told me "Passion is a positive obsession, obsession is a negative passion"..... he was right!!
Poster, in my years of xtensive human research, i can tell you the best cure for an obsession is to get another one, even if ure not obsessed, you need abitbof distraction, cus ure on the verge of hurting yourself real bad with the way youre accelerating! It'd be a bad crash, even if its a false alarm..... pump your brakes man, you'd start getting negative ideas & fueling some bad vibes! You clearly love her more than she loves you.... if the ratio isnt balanced properly on the love scale, youre bound to be hurt on every level.
Stop saying when I calls. It's when I call .bad grammar can be annoying too so fix that if you're speaking to her in English
ReplyDeleteThis comment made me laugh. Could it be her problem? 🤔
DeleteWho is this please?.....this anon too funny abeg.
DeleteWan wi ru , , onwi rù....
Till 2moro on sp..have alot to type about this chronicle..so busy now...odabo
Ⓜc pinky 👮
Sometimes when women have the men of their dreams, they do not appreciate it. I have similar experience since myself and hubby leave at different cities. he calls more that I do.I wake up to his calls most mornings. At a stage I was irritated, I don't pick his calls or return it, but I had to advise myself before the devil uses it against us in the marriage.
ReplyDelete@k....plz dn't mk it one sided,it z a general tin(both sides).
Delete4 years in marriage and she is not even thinking of relocating or seek for transfer to your base! Uncle check yourself there might be something in you she doesn’t like, maybe mouth/body odor, lack of proper english or body weight and are you tight fisted or unromantic? Am sure she is not proud of you.
ReplyDeleteGive her a surprise visit, take her somewhere nice and ask her where the marriage is leading to? Gwagwalada or Nyanya!
Like QnB said, give her your sperm to make babies. Marriages of these days are to complicated.
lol. one man village
DeleteAll ya wife needs is a good knacking 😎😎😎
ReplyDelete#strollpassing
You’re obsessed, clingy and needy!!! Damn i wouldn’t want to be around you if I were your wife. Work on your self esteem and value yourself first in order to gain respect from your wife. This might be also childhood abandonment. It reflects in adulthood by being too clingy and overly attached. Work with a therapist if possible. This is not healthy at all. The word is co dependency- Search signs of a co dependent relationship on google.
ReplyDeleteYou have hit the nail on the head. Please follow this advice poster.
DeleteMy husband is /was exactly like you &I I enjoyed all the attention initially till I was tried of all the hugs and love(I am stupid,don't remind me)I pushed him away and it hurt him so much,I realized my mistake when he stopped hugging me whenever he comes back from work and no SMS of how he's lucky to have me,I apologized and started expressing my love too.While growing up,my parents didn't use to hug or say love u so I wasn't used to such till I met him whose parents dotted on.I would advise you stop the love and she will come back to her senses cos she would be wondering what happened when you aren't predictable again.
ReplyDeleteNice. But that's if she's in love with him otherwise it don't change anything .
DeleteSounds like you married a Very beautiful woman and she knows it. A woman who likes her freedom and space,cos I see no reason She would use the word "obsession" on Her husband. Such a selfish woman. Just give her her freedom and she may love you a little more.
ReplyDeleteSelfish because she knows her worth...You were making sense till you outrightly spoke total nonsense.
DeleteOga u are too clingy, go n learn a skill, or get a distraction, but she will still complain if u r distracted or distant.
ReplyDeleteI don't think he is too clingy, many women including me enjoy this sort of attention,''IF YOU ARE IN LOVE'' with the person. Earlier on in my marriage and we'r not together as my husband was based elsewhere, we would speak on the phone like 3times a day. Chat back and forth throughout the day when not busy at work, and the only time we wld drop the phone is to take your bath, eat or sleep. You know that feeling when you miss someone so much, you don't want to drop the phone.
DeleteThere is no spark in that your relationship sir, its dead due to distance. One of you has to make that sacrifice to move. Marriage is not supposed to experienced apart, you might as well be single.
Didn’t you read where he said his working? Abi na so you dey fell exam? Learn a skill ni learn a skill lo.
Delete*ko
Delete@Anonymous.....u r so on point!!!!!!
DeleteIconic shinzy....the learn a skill line is pure sarcasm pls.
DeleteOga you are not doing anything wrong. It's what anyone in love and living apart would do. Your wife does not love you. She is probably cheating and perhaps waiting for the marriage to die a natural death. I think you should man up and ask her straight up if she is still interested the marriage.
ReplyDelete@Geee,u r very right....even married couples or bf/gf who r in love will do,so i see notin /absolutely nutin he did wrong.He only wants to hear his wife's voice(though, smtymz it can b like u r choking him or her) but then, there r beta ways of doing tinz than making him or her feel as if he/she does not mata @ll,wife poster, abeg, put ursef in ur spouse shoes.
DeleteShe perhaps dey chop another cucumber but don't rush to accuse her.
ReplyDeleteTactically find out.
If the lady is yet to have a child, she is just venting her frustrations.
Try and be with her more frequently.
na lie I'm like that. My husband is trying to choke me with love and attention and I'm running away. We don't stay in the same and I'm not getting any cumcumber from anywhere.
DeleteOga you clingy and too emotional just like me. You don't give her the opportunity to miss you or think of you because before such moment comes her phone is ringing. Give her plenty space and like it appears that there are no kids yet, love yourself and brace up for the worst. You might be scared (like I rightly) was that when you let down your guard things might never be the same, true it wouldn't. Love yourself and get something to distract you and you will be fine. A one sided love is the worst that can happen to anybody. You may or may not be cheating on you but whatever the case is start preparing your heart for the worst. I can visualize a boring sex life in your marriage.
ReplyDeleteThis woman is not cheating, and has no side boo, she is only afraid that your love might choke her if she comes near. Some people are wired that way. Oga , your type when she now resigns that job and joins you, you will monitor her even to the people she says hi to. So please love, but obsession is a no no in marriage it ruins. She does not pick your calls in the morning because you would probably spend the whole morning love chatting. Try to balance it all out. Br=est of luck
ReplyDeletethis is me biko, but people think Im not capable of Love.
Deleteby the time she will get dat freedom she no go want again
ReplyDeleteAbeg go get side chick when go born pikin for you,that your wife dom dey go so.
ReplyDelete@ poster.....how i wish i can find sm1 lyk u.......d z lyffffffff
ReplyDeletethis one sound so clingy abeg. wetin happen? see ehn, you are making a mountain out of a molehill. you have no problem at all biko. just enjoy the time she has for you and stop sounding like you are insecure and want to know what she is up to every minute.
ReplyDeletewhy do you keep putting S behind every word though? lol
Super clingy and insecure. So damn annoying! I’d run away. I enjoy my space a lot and my husband is the same way. But we also enjoy each other’s company. He should work on healthy balance in his marriage. Hell his messages sounds super clingy.
DeleteHonestly at the beginning I thought this was my husband. I freaked out.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly how my husband is, although he hasn't complained much. We don't stay together, he lives in Nigeria while I live in the UK. The guy is so obsessed with me, he puts me above everyone except God. He calls or texts every morning and then follow it up with texts all through the day and then calls in the night. I most times I don't respond to those texts and in the night I will just form sleepy, To be honest, sometimes the love is suffocating, very suffocating abeg.
Poster I suggest you give her a little space, trust she will come looking for you. She will be the one texting and texting. I remember one of the days my husband didn't text or call, lmao I freaked out and started bombarding his phone with calls and texts.
Hahaha me too, I was almost screaming my hubbys name until he said they were married for 4years
DeleteWhen distance is involved in a relationship, it is expedient that the communication level is top-notch. No matter how busy you are, you should create time for your relationship. The Poster come across as someone whose love languages are Quality time and Words of affirmation, which his partner is not speaking. The danger with that is he may unconsciously gravitate towards someone who is speaking his language to him. Poster, you are not obssesd, you are just an expressive person.
ReplyDeleteI know its gonna be somehow hard, just keep loving her, be faithful and remain patient. Dont nag or complain about her emotional unavailability again.
You will be fine trust me.
@Anonymous.....u r so right!!!.....d poster z juz lyk sm of us(mysef inclusive,not obssess by lyk 2 express ourselves n show luv every now n den)
Deleteher love language may be different, she may not love you, she may be cheating on you. set a trap and catch her becos no sane woman will stay apart from her husband, we all want to be close to them. lastly just ignore her, dont call for 1 week, dont pick her calls let us see what happens, if no change then you are married to yasef
ReplyDeletePoster, ignore her for one week without call or text and watch her reaction. If she's okay with that, then you married yourself. You are a one man village.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are not married until you live together. solve the issue of separation first, then the two of you need to see professional.
ReplyDeleteThese kind of men can choke you to death. They call not because they love you too much but because they want to keep a tab on all your activities. I met a guy who called me at least 30times everyday. Sometimes I see 80missed calls. Very demonic something. I rebuked him out of my life.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all,slow down on the calls...I undstd that u need attention becos u don't want to cheat.try to get someone to spy on her,if she's cheating on you.if u don't have kids,its possible that she only married you to be called a Mrs..yes,some women are like that,and the more reason why she won't want you both to be in the samestatepray well and tell God to restore your marriage..and if there is anything you need to know,God will show you..e..
DeleteJesus!!! 80 missed calls😳😳😳😳 i go block you that day I swear! I like attention but not this type, Poster una no dey get work for your company? Get busy biko, inukwa i calls her every morning! Mtchewwww
DeleteThis is the type of man i am looking for. My love language is exactly this, spending time and words of affrimation. My boo did this but now he is just busy over the last few weeks and i have been sad. Feel lonely with noone to talk to. I just have to be patient as he does try his best. I pray i marry a man like this poster because i love attention die.
ReplyDeleteI love full loving attention from my love too definitely not the obsession or monitoring aspect. I am a clingy lover too and would love my partner to be clingy and give me attention whenever we both have time.
DeleteThis woman simply does not love you.
ReplyDeleteSHE IS CHEATING.
ReplyDeletePoster pls don't call her for a week,and find out how she will react. There's a possibility she does not love you
ReplyDeletePoster when you love a person you will want to talk to the person, video call with the person, see the person or be with the person always, once your spouse start avoiding you it means there is a question mark.
ReplyDeleteI will advise you find out time and spend quality time with your wife get to understand if she has fallen out of love with you, understand why her attitude is this way, that way you can understand the best way to be with her. Stop too much complaining, try to reduce the care and call, see if she will be happy or she will complain. The same thing happened to me and my ex husband, when we both were in love we talk to each other, video cal, drop love note and do most things today, but when I started seeing his cheating habit, lies and fake things about him, his calls, chat and present irritates me, I will see his calls and not pick, I hated his love, till we separated
Continuation, if you tried na she is not still responding just try and get one babe that will take good care of you
ReplyDeleteYou are not clingy Mr. You are a husband in love with a woman who doesn't love you as much as you love her.
ReplyDeletePoster, it may be one of these things like others have said; (i) Your wife doesnt love you as much as you love her, and married you for different reasons (children, just be married, you are nice/financially comfortable guy etc). (ii) People are different, some people like their space and easily feel choked. she may be like this. I understand that that is how you express love but it may be too much for her. So don't take her acting distant for lack of love or cheating. if she is like that you have to give her more space and allow her reach out to you (iii) u need to have a conversation with your wife about love languages (i.e how you express and experience love)- ask her how does she want to be shown love and how does she express love to you. Also let her know how you want to be shown love. I think that quality time is your way of feeling love and because your wife is not doing that you feel she doesnt love you. So you need to let her know that, if she knows the importance of it then she might work at it. Sometimes when men act the way you do, women can misinterpret it as you are being controlling and not given them freedom but that may not be your intention based on what you have said. Of course there are alternative views that she may be cheating etc which cannot be completeley eliminated. But deal with the issues i have raised as a start.
ReplyDelete