Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: The Journey Of A Baby Mama Series -5

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Wednesday, January 09, 2019

The Journey Of A Baby Mama Series -5

#GatherHereForASelfieAndShareYourView....



Hello Stella and fellow BVs this is wishing you all a happy, prosperous and favoured new year. This Christmas was fun for me and my daughter,i hope you guys also enjoyed yours.

I took a break in writing this series because some Bvs were insinuating that i was sounding entitled and my write ups were full of hypocrisy, my fellow BVs
we are all human beings, no matter how i write, it would never satisfy everybody.

Like i stated at the beginning of this series, i am not writing to support any wrong but writing is a way people relieve themselves of any kind of emotional baggage. If in any way you felt i sounded entitled remember nobody is perfect and at some point in our lives we may have been perceived as hypocrites, so what can i say?... i am still human.

This Christmas was fun for me in the sense that i had enough time to really be with my daughter, my office gave us two weeks break and i am grateful to them for that. I used that opportunity to take care of my daughter. I noticed she really lost weight so i bought her an appetite drug to tackle that area, so far so good there is a huge progress as she is eating very well now. All my salary was used to take care of all the fun but i am glad i did it because nobody can do it for her, not even her father.

Talking about her father hmmmm, he is trying for her i won’t deny him that, because he pays her school fees on time even before resumption and gives me upkeep money, because not all men can do it, but something is lacking. Left with me, i am ok with all that but when it started being a thing of concern for me was when my daughter comes back each time she visits him feeling sad and teary.

She always complains of the way he is harsh on her, but treats his other kid better and you know what that does to children’s self esteem. I didn’t start acting based on the information she was giving me, because as a child she might only remember when she is scolded and not what caused it. So i asked her to replay everything that happened while they were out, then it now dawned on me that she was really being treated unfairly.

For example, when it is his favourite child’s birthday, he goes out of his way to do everything for this child, from buying plenty cakes, gifts and all in the presence of my daughter making her to think that such love would be returned to her during her time but for where, in fact i have to beg for him to even wish her happy birthday. He shows off the other one but not her, i am not bothered but i am concerned about the psychological effect it’s having on my child.

I don’t know why her father is not very fond of her, i have told her severally to ignore that she has got me, i tried to make her understand that her father is not a very happy man, because he has Children here and there but not a real family, i told her he is a sad and lonely man with all his money, but she said how come he only treats her like that and not the other ones? How come he is only sad when it comes to her?

I got stuck and couldn’t answer that but i pleaded with her to pray for him to become more loving and friendlier. Each time we are having this discussion; she would become very emotional and cry. She would ask me why can’t her daddy love her and play with her just like other daddy’s do, i keep giving excuses for him but we came to a conclusion that she would not see him again just for peace to reign because out of anger, i might say things that i wouldn’t want to say and a quarrel may ensue. Anytime he requests for her i will give him excuses. The last time i complained that she is complaining of this partiality, it caused a huge problem between us, in fact it has always been the major cause of our quarrel, and he will also threaten not to see her again. That is why i decided to let go of that aspect and give my child all the love i can, but as a child she would never understand why her father does what he does even me i don’t.

I think she dislikes her father now and her sibling because anytime i mention their names she will tell me to stop talking about them, she would go on to say that “if my daddy doesn’t love me, i know my new daddy will love me very much.” Oh how my heart bleeds anytime she says that. But i have advised her not to hate them but pray for them to realize how important she is (i don’t want her to live with hatred in her heart).

Everything will be alright someday i know. Happy new year to you all, once again.

48 comments:

  1. Eyahhh...all humans will feel that way, if u show love to others n not to her.

    If there's a permanent way of stopping her from going to see him, it will be d best abeg , cos I wonder how u will request to see someone then treat d person like trash🙄. Totally unfair!

    Tess-bqby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. we buy condemned inverter battery 081413951139 January 2019 at 15:09

      Abi oooo

      Delete
    2. Men tend to love their kids according to the way they feel about the mother. If your ex loved/loves you ,he would tend to love that child. If he hates the child's mum ,he tends to dislike the child.

      Delete
  2. I can understand how she feels. I don't have a kid yet, I will just read comments

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  3. When you both were doing the doing, we weren't consulted, now that calabash got broken and instead of water coming is full grown chick coming out, is for you to be sending us series. Enjoy the music of your secret fun.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Please what appetite drug did you give your daughter? My daughter is 2 but doesnt eat much and rather skinny

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. vitane is the name of the drug cost 2900

      Delete
  5. This is the major problem with having kids outside,everything falls on them. I really feel for this sweet child. May God guide her.Amen.Post just keep pushing through plus if I were you, I wouldn't let my child visit her dad again, he's only good for school fees and upkeep please let it remain like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is it! keep her away from any form of negativity please. let him stick to paying school fees and upkeep money.

      Delete
    2. Exactly. Keep her away from that man, and even if he's allowed to see him, it shouldn't be for too long. Take her out anytime you can, shower her with gifts and make her feel loved and special. She will forget all the negativity with time.

      Delete
  6. Dear poster, please allow your child spend time with her dad, he isn’t abusing her from what you have stated up there. Yes you wish he “loves “ her more but that isn’t enough reason to cut him off. Do you still expect him to cater for her needs after depriving him of spending time with his daughter? The child belongs to you both and please stop discussing him with your child. I wish you all the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. she was the one that suggested it not me...

      Delete
  7. Honestly, this made me feel sad. I wish I can see your daughter now and hold her telling her that all will be well. I know you've done much more, God bless and strengthen you. I just don't like seeing kids hurt from issues like this and others.

    Please just keep her to yourself for now to protect her self-esteem. When she is older and mature, she can decide if she wants to keep seeing him or not.

    Lastly, please ensure the man you will marry be the type that will love her like his own. Infact, let her happiness determine who you will date or marry. I'm saying this because some men will love a woman and hate her child. Let her be able to get the love and happiness she is lacking from her new dad like she has said. It is well with you both. Kisses and hugs to your baby girl.

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  8. Na wa. Poster, this break u took long wella. I have forgotten the history of this your serious and cant Google t.
    Happy the holidays went well for you both.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bianca see a doctor. You're always saying you've forgotten the previous part of the story.
      Poster reduce her exposure to her father to the barest minimum. Whatever ruins a child's happiness and self esteem isn't something to joke about. Much love!

      Delete
  9. Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you penning this write-up
    and the rest of the website is really good.

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  10. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  11. the only thing I can say is abstinence is key,if only dis was obeyed such wouldn't have being happening

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    Replies
    1. As the deed has been done nko??? U want to put the child back inside her?

      Delete
    2. Tell them Dede, them no wan hear word.

      Virginity, abstinence are all key. Keep deceiving yourself out there.

      Delete
    3. Dede AND annon, kindly shsuh your mouth, when the deed has been done, you either keep quiet or waka pass without making that offensive comment.

      Wait till you are in sumone shoe before you start spitting.

      Delete
  12. Allow your child to spend time with her father, as he plays the role of a father in her life.

    Let her be the one to take the decision of not seeing him when she is of age, you may have your own biases without knowing that you do.

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  13. Madam please allow your daughter spend time with her father, in future she will be grateful for it. You don't just give up on them having a relationship just like that,give it some time. Do you know even when I was small sometimes i thought my mum hated me, sometimes i thought my dad hated me so it's normal. Even with both parents, this happens. When she grows up, she will understand better. If you distance her from her father just because of this, you create a void that she ends up looking for men to fill. Tell her to behave well that her father loves her. You both might not be together but please ensure she has a bit of stability by communicating and relating with you both. That's my bit Sha, it might not make sense now but nothing good comes easy. Don't alienate her Biko

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  14. I do not think its a good idea keeping her from her father bcos her father might hold it against you and might discontinue his financial obligations if he do not have access to the girl.
    Although you can limit the time spent but not cut him off entirely and u can still tell him again about your daughter's feelings in a nice way.
    your attitude towards ur girl's father also matters a lot, ur child will pick d vibes you show and display from you.all the same I will avdvice u to keep assuring her that she is great and special.All the best to u and ur girl.

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  15. Awww this is so sad. Favoring one child than the other causes hatred amongst them. I would advice she stops going to her dad's place for now. Please shower her with love.

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  16. Please show her all the love she can get.Don't ever talk negatively about her dad in her presence ,one day he will realize his mistakes. I wish you and your daughter well.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Castle, ni bo leda? We want to read your sweet piece.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dear Poster, kindly let the child see her father once in a while, naturally when you are away from people for a time, it makes them miss you and when you see , do not over stay, learn when to bring her back to ther house, even 2days is okay or a weekend out of every 4-5 months depending on your location to her dad.

    preferably at festive period let her go stay for just 2days.

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  19. Although I am inclined to agree with you about keeping her away for now, I still think your daugter needs her father. Even within an ideal family, mothers and fathers often love one child more than the other. I know my mother does not like my brother to the extent that the rest of us had to confront her. Just keep boosting her self esteem and let her know that loving her self is the koko.

    ReplyDelete
  20. My dear my niece na only twice d man don see her.she is 8.i love her with my every bone.tribal difference.my sis force force for where.he pays her fees occasionally.send her something maybe twice or thrice.used to call he stopped.i Don't even know him.once he came I was not around.second she took girl to him.we don rest.we don't talk about him.the girl na his carbon copy.ibo man.he doesn't say it she is hurting.sometimes she transfers her anger on my daughter esp wen my gal will be saying my daddy this and that.i feel bad.i love her

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tenth rethink it. He doesnt celebrate her birthday the way he celebrates that of his of his other kids. It's not protecting the way his relationship with her is! It's partiality!

      Delete
  21. That might be the man's way of protecting your daughter by acting as if he loves her less than the other kids. You never can tell the kind of person the wife is or her stance on having a step daughter. Just train and encourage your daughter to have a positive mindset and love her other family unconditionally. May God bless you with long life and good health to reap the good fruit of your labour.

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  22. My mom loves my elder sister more to the extent people outside can attest to that but she says it is because my elder sister treat better than all of us. So I can count many families that are faced with the same challange.Just tell her positive things about the father for your daughter's own good.

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  23. Here's my suggestion. Invite her dad over for a friendly chat. Discuss with him what your daughter said. Also, let your daughter repeat what she told you.

    Her father might not be conscious of his actions. It's only fair to let him know. Hopefully, this should start the healing process.

    FYI: Give your daughter the heads up of your plan so that she doesn't feel blindsided.

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  24. Poster don't keep your child from her father. She may regret it in the future. That void will be there and it will also breed resentment between father and child.
    When it's time for her to get married. Such men will make it difficult for you when you now need them during traditional marriage.
    Pls just reduce the time your daughter spends there. No sleep'overs,let her go for day visits only Once in a while.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Poster, don't separate your daughter from her father. You are also a parent to Her! On her birthday, spoil her silly with gifts but do special things for her but most importantly, never speak ill of her father to Her or her hearing. Don't even encourage her to speak ill of him. Raising kids is not a walk in the park.

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  26. This is the problem with all these baby mama , baby daddy stuffs ...the children always gets affected one way or the other.. now the man is somewhat partial in his dealings with the kids...I can't blame him cause we all are humans . We can't love everyone equally. It's just so sad that this beautiful kid is at the receiving end of this human flaw
    Its well..

    May God guide you all.

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  27. My dad had two wives, my mum was the second one. He had 4 children from the first wive, one passed away and 3 children from my mum, one also passed away. Growing up my mum showed more love to the chiluhe had for the 1st wife, especially when the 1st wife passed away from diabetes. The other reason was because my mum was from a different tribe while the first wife was from a tribe closely related to my dad’s. As a child i saw the difference in treatment. However my mum love and care made me forget that. My mum was and is my pillar and raised my brother and I with so much love and affection that the difference in treatment exhibited by my father didn’t end up having an impact on me. As adults, my brother and I are even the way caring and paying attention to my Papa, while my other siblings don’t even care for him

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  28. Aunt Stella, Please i am just seeing this series and would like to start from 1. Kindly do a link like you did in the Libyan Returnee story to enable first time reader have access to the first series. Thank you

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hmmmmmm I read all you wrote up there and I can't help but saying "your yanga dey smell" ....
    You are gradually feeding hate into your daughter's mind towards her father and his family which your daughter is privileged to belong to. Yes, I typed privileged cause she lost her right as an Ada of her fathers new daughter to being just a child in that family.
    I was also surprised to see you refer to her father's other daughter as "the other one"...Gosh baby mama!!! You really feel entitled!!! FYI, you don't call a legitimate child born in a home as "the other child". Or don't you know the difference btw legitimate/illegitimate???.
    You want to be both father and mother yet you're still thankful for the child support you're receiving, be grateful to that man that you're even receiving shi-shi.
    You made a choice to be a single mum, good luck with that and while you're at it, pray to be happy rather than writing entitled episodes and justifying your wrong and the perpetual pain you've brought upon your daughter...
    Last last, na you lose!!!
    Oga has remarried and moved on!!!
    He has a wife and a home!!!
    I'm sure you're angry your curses and swears didn't work!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who is this one? Why the aggression and anger, is everything okay?

      Delete

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