STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
RE -WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Hello Stella,
Below is the link to the chronicle I sent late last year:
https://www.stelladimokokorkus.com/2018/10/chronicle-of-blog-visitor-narrative_20.html?m=1.
Here is the update:
He has moved out of the house permanently since November last year leaving me with our kids.
In November and December, he refused sending upkeep allowance and won't even check on the kids. God sustained us by Himself.
I reported to my pastor and he alleged I was turning the kids against him. The pastor told him he's immature and that irrespective of what is happening, he shouldn't stop the allowance. He has since then be paying the upkeep.
My pastor and his wife called us at a point to ask why he moved out cos I felt what happened was not enough reason to move out. He said he is afraid of me and that I needed to seek help because:
**The last time he abused me physically, I threatened to arrange boys to beat him up in 2015 and I broke his laptop.
** He also cited other issues that happened over 2 years ago that had nothing to do with him personally.
I felt bad and cried all through the meeting but I went to see a counsellor based on personal conviction and I am in a good place.
I am personally tired of the marriage. We relate basically on the needs of the kids.
How long will I continue begging and walking on egg shells? Isn't marriage a team work?
I am seriously in need of a man and I have been faithful all along(6months). Konji is a bastard.
How is easy is it to get a divorce and the cost implication?
Thinking of relocating abroad with my kids so as to avoid the shame and embarrassment.
Is it a good idea?
Thanks Stella
Hello Stella,
Below is the link to the chronicle I sent late last year:
https://www.stelladimokokorkus.com/2018/10/chronicle-of-blog-visitor-narrative_20.html?m=1.
Here is the update:
He has moved out of the house permanently since November last year leaving me with our kids.
In November and December, he refused sending upkeep allowance and won't even check on the kids. God sustained us by Himself.
I reported to my pastor and he alleged I was turning the kids against him. The pastor told him he's immature and that irrespective of what is happening, he shouldn't stop the allowance. He has since then be paying the upkeep.
My pastor and his wife called us at a point to ask why he moved out cos I felt what happened was not enough reason to move out. He said he is afraid of me and that I needed to seek help because:
**The last time he abused me physically, I threatened to arrange boys to beat him up in 2015 and I broke his laptop.
** He also cited other issues that happened over 2 years ago that had nothing to do with him personally.
I felt bad and cried all through the meeting but I went to see a counsellor based on personal conviction and I am in a good place.
I am personally tired of the marriage. We relate basically on the needs of the kids.
How long will I continue begging and walking on egg shells? Isn't marriage a team work?
I am seriously in need of a man and I have been faithful all along(6months). Konji is a bastard.
How is easy is it to get a divorce and the cost implication?
Thinking of relocating abroad with my kids so as to avoid the shame and embarrassment.
Is it a good idea?
Thanks Stella
So if you leave a bad marriage with your life it's a shameful thing?
ReplyDeleteAunty what ever you want to do that will make you happy please do, I told you the last time that the marriage is most likely over... this your hubby is tired of you already, he was just mentioning all those things cus he is tired.
DeleteSo he is scared of boys beating him but doesn’t think you are scared of him beating you? Rubbish talk
Abeg do you, life is meant to be enjoyed
My dear it is good...let him go!. Please forget about man and konji for now. Get your divorce first and build yourself up. Me I haven't had sex for almost 4 years now and I have not died 😁. I love sex as much as the next person but I cannot debase myself just for sex.
ReplyDeleteYou can travel out if you can but not to run away from so called 'shame. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Only travel if you can do it properly and with enough support for the kids. Don't run from frying pan to fire because of 'what people will say'. You will get through this .
Why is it that whenever Nigerians meet a challenge at home, they want to relocate abroad?
ReplyDeleteWho has brainwashed you folks to think that abroad is the solution to all your challenges?
You are not talking about a way forward as a family but "needing a man . . . konji bla bla bla?" to do what exactly -to commit adultery?
Why do you want to widen the gully; give the man the reason/physical evidence to accuse you especially when you get pregnant; what will you tell your kids and the in-laws? Won't the "shame" be made by you then?
You talk pastor, you talk church, you talk about man to arrest "konji?"
I tremble for you.
So she is not human and dont have feelings? Who will she talk to?u that is perfect,tell her what to do..
DeleteSeems this one is high on cheap weed,is it your konji? Georgina
DeleteU didn't make any single sense,didn't u read wia she said she is tired of begging? meaning she has tried to fix things?next time read n understand...and yes six months is a long time for a sexually active adult
DeleteKonji is natural. Why are you sounding like it's your money she'll use to relocate?
DeleteChange of environment does good to the mind and body
People want to relocate because when abroad you tend you somehow forget of your problems (not that it still doesn’t exist) it’s not just a daily reminder.
DeletePoster. There’s no shame in leaving a bad marriage. Travel if you have the resources not because of embarrassment. You’ve done nothing wrong.
And she doesn't need to feel guilty because of Konji. It's natural.some stupid people will want you to look dishevelled,unkempt just because a man left home. Sis,pls chin up! Dress well,give yourself and the kids a treat,make your self happy,do things that make you happy.your joy and happiness is dependent on you and not your husband. Be bold. Take on a new challenge . Learn a new skill it will help take your mind off Konji. If you can't control it please help yourself.use your hands. Give yourself a mind blowing orgasm. Let depression die. Glow up baby! Don't look pitiful . Pity is for fools! Take care of your kids,they need you more than ever. Invest in them .talk to them about their daddy leaving,because they might be suffering. Tell them you got this. He might be gone but you are in control. Bless you .
DeleteShame??? I don't get it, that an abusive marriage crumbled is what you are ashamed of? You u should be happy he took a walk, better to be alive for your kids. Why give a hoot about what anyone thinks? Pick up your pieces and move on, stay strong.
ReplyDeleteThe lawyers in the house, pls advice her. Madam you will be fine las las. No man is worth dying for.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy for how far you have come. Marriage is indeed a bed of Thorns and roses. Enough of begging that man, he is a full grown adult. If you have the means why not? Relocate and restart life. All the best
ReplyDeleteI usually don't comment but I am pushed to write cos this is exactly what I'm facing right now, but the difference is, you probably have the funds to travel abroad, but I don't,I'm recently unemployed , broke and have to fend for my kids.
ReplyDeleteSee, God got us. For real, do not be worried. Fell free to relocate abroad , it's even better for you, there, the society protects you, dosent judge you and empowers you, and you have a better chance of giving your kids a good t may not be necessary to divorce him unless you wish to remarry,you can decide to be a single mum and raise your kids and forget about men ,I mean, the experience you have should be enough for you,no pressures, focus on a career and kids. You will be fine. RAISE YOUR head HIGH
Better to be separated than live with a cheating husband that disrespects you. I wish I have that liver to let go
DeleteSorry about d marriage palava, relocate if you have d means abeg, as for konji, have fun n stay protected...don't fall in love.
ReplyDeleteyour mind, body and soul are no more in the marriage. if you walk on egg shells; you are not free to say or act as you like so it won't be hold against you that is not marriage.
ReplyDeleteI pray that the Lord will give you wisdom to take the right decision.
Poster please be strong. He wants to break you and trample on your self esteem,you better don't allow it. You've done nothing wrong at all so why seeking counselling? You only threatened him never to beat you up again and there's no harm in that. Your yeye huntchband should be one seeking the attention of a psychiatrist bcos that man is mentally unstable and also very manipulative jackass. Cheer up NNE bcos this too shall pass away. It is just a matter of time. Divorce him and start living your life to the fullest, he's nothing but a pain in your ass. And forget the issue of travelling abroad to avoid shame. Tell me who will shame and embarrass you if you don't enable it. Once you divorce him,just change environment, change church, change your circle of friends and start your life all over again. You're still very young,a good man that will love you and adopt your children will come your way. E- hugs.
ReplyDeleteGbam
DeleteAbeg madam ,if as you said is how it truly happened then just know the man wants out.He has another woman he wants to end up with. Because for your pastor to have tried to meditate and he still refused to hid to but decided he will just pay for the children allowances, that means he is done.so just move on ...it is well
ReplyDeleteKongi should be the last thing on ur mind for now. Dust your self up and seek finacial help from ur family so as to start something meaningful.
ReplyDeletePls my blog family, I want to know the feed back of this chronicle " the dream",posted on Oct 15 2018. I am going through the same thing now. I read a comment where a blog visitor with the ID Sapphire Joseph suggested she use green incense. Pls did anybody use it? Did it work? What kind of green incense should one buy? Pls someone should help a sister in need.
ReplyDeleteThis is the link to the chronicle
https://www.stelladimokokorkus.com/2018/10/chronicle-of-blog-visitor-narrative_15.html?m=1
That's how my sister's ex hubby left her and 3 kids to move in with a rich widow with grown up kids....did she die? No....is she happy and doing excellently well? Yes....pls forget about what people would say. Your happiness and that of your kids is all that matters..God will surely provide and fight for you...no man is worth dying for
ReplyDeleteThe problem with most women is that they see traces of abuse and still continue to pop out children. I'm sorry poster, I don't mean to judge you.Take care of yourself dear, I have been there before, the only difference is that i stopped conceiving after my first child because I saw the traces of abuse, we separated and it's been years now. It wasn't easy at first but I pulled through. I think you should forget about a man for now, do your self if you can (vibrator), concentrate on the way forward(training your kids). Just decide not to see or hear anything wrong about you. Time heals every wound.
ReplyDeleteNa wa oh! Madam keep body oh and pray well for the grace. He doesn't deserve it, but its for your own good. He's immature and cruel. He's definitely seeing someone and I tell you, whether you pray or not, it won't end well there cos he's a narcissist and they don't change
ReplyDeleteI suggest you don't relocate permanently but you can travel out for some time to cool off. There's nothing to be ashamed of, you just have to move on with your life and forget about the scumbag.
ReplyDeleteMy dear anybody u did not appoint as God over your life can not disappoint you.be strong.see your kids as a source of inspiration.channelbur energy to getting something done like work.wherebu resides still matters.most always come back.get ur groove.try to take care of yourself
ReplyDeleteLet him go love is not by force move abroad for the sake of your children
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about what you're passing through.
ReplyDeleteWhy should you be the one filing for divorce? Since he moved out first then let him do the filing at least the bill won't be on you
Pray and commit your ways unto before taking any major decision like relocating, remarrying ...
Focus on your work, business, children and of course relationship.
You don't have to wait forever before getting into one as long as you're making a right choice.
Don't just sit and wait for him,he's living his life already, live yours too.
God be with you.
Why do people have this stupid mentality of if I end this marriage what will people say? Shame Willy Be My Own.
ReplyDeleteYou Sony Owe anyone an explination. Think Of yourself, happiness, rest Of mind. You are not the first person to leave an abusive marriage, if he kills you one day you will be gone and those people will never be buried with you, why don’t you focus on your kids, how to be joyful again, how to become a better woman, how to make more money and stay happy? Forget about what people will say.
I don’t care what people say about me anymore, my happiness is key, I love myself than anybody. You have to be selfish.
I initially wasn’t going to comment, but seeing as I am on holiday and there are 3 innocent and beautiful kids involved I would have to say something. Truth is having read the first chronicle and this one, poster I can 100% say that you have not been totally honest. From your write up, you have painted a picture of your husband as a beast of a man who is immature, cantekerous and callous while you are an innocent victim of his madness and meanness. Take a simple example, above you talked about “the last time he abused me....” and “some other issues which didn’t involve him” can you please tell us what those other other issues are? Did you really smash his laptop and threaten to have him beaten? The 30minutes lateness what really is the whole story? You have succeeded in painting a picture that would allow whatever advice anyone gives you to match what you want to hear. Go back to the earlier chronicle there was a certain anonymous that everyone was attacking for voicing a different opinion from what others BVs were saying. Read her advice. Really read her advice and you just might gain some wisdom on what to do. You are 38. 9 years married. Still quite young. You are the modern woman I guess. I want to believe you align towards feminism and are well educated and exposed. You mentioned domestic violence twice in 9 years. Let me try to imagine what transpired the last time. Your husband of 9 years walked into the house, you said “hi honey, how was your day?” to which he immediately got mad and he proceeded to pummel you right? I mean there was not a damn thing you did, you didn’t shove, hit or verbally demean, insult, attack or berate him. No he simply came home one day and lashed out like the lunatic you want us to believe he is. Twice in a 9 year period. The truth is you know very well that that scenario is not likely. I am in no way condoning or a proponent for domestic violence or violence of any kind. But the same way an angry women’s strength is in verbal insults is the same way most men when extremely angry result to physical assault. What then does that mean? Well quite simply that I would be careful not to further upset my wife when she is angry Coz Wisdom dictates that I should and Vice versa. That as a lady you should watch your mouth, same way a man should watch his manners around a lady. In my line of work I see all sorts. I mean every kind of human behavior and a lot of violence could have been avoided by a little bit of tact. My advice to you is try to be humble and mature. It doesn’t make you a door mat, it simply makes you better able to deal with people especially the father of your kids. This clash of wills in a marriage results in no winners. None. The more I clash with my wife, the longer a misunderstanding drags, and I realized that the moment I eat humble pie and make a move at reconciliation she is more than willing to meet me half way. Sometimes she makes the first move and that’s what works for us. I do not believe your husband hates you, I also don’t believe he is a bad and evil man. A little immature.... yeah and very hurt. I can tell you as a man that his recent attitude did not happen over night. Same way ladies come here to give advise based on their anger towards men due to some thing some guy did to them or is doing to them is the same way I would give you advice from a mans perspective. Make peace with that man, play the fool if you have too. Not because he is right, but because you value your 9 years of marriage and 3 kids. When he comes around, he would be grateful you did. Marriage and relationships are never a me and u but always an us. It may very well be his turn to play the fool tomorrow. A woman cries when she is hurt while a man gets angry. Your self esteem is at an all time low while his ego is in the gutter. I pray you both can fix the mess. I wish you all the best.
ReplyDeleteHe has used violence to boost his ego, his ego is not in any gutter. If she was your daughter will you let her play the fool? You men are just selfish(thats just the honest truth), my aunty died from an abusive marriage, the man has remarried, meanwhile my aunty, the quiet one amongst her siblings is 6ft under(i don't know why the quiet and naive ones are the ones you guys abuse and take for granted). So please let her leave so she can live to see her children grow.
Delete