STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
GENOTYPE WAHALA AND INSECURE FEELINGS:
Stella Good day....
I'm In soooooooo much pain as I write you this. I haven't slept up to 5 hours in a week. I met my boyfriend d 5 months back, we have dated steady and we love each other. Now I have dated guys and broken up with them cos of genotype issue or because I won't give in to sex before marriage.
Now on 32 and I have a boyfriend who is Yoruba and I'm igbo, he has stated he wants to marry me and we are good. However last week he asked me my genotype and i said AS and he said he is AS. That was where we got hooked.
I am ready to take the chance after knowing about the bone marrow blood transfer and flushing of the featous immediately after being testes to be positive after inception but he has been behaving unsteady.
I have asked him to tell me point blank if he isn't ready, that I will take it but he is acting funny and not so loving.
Please advise me. Is there an escape way? Also is flushing when tested considered abortion?. Plus I have fibroid my tummy is very large hence my worry to marry now.
Please I'm unstable, manage my disjointed narration and help me with some advice. Thank you all.
*Please move on,he is no longer interested..Big belle or not,you will find someone to accept you the way you are physically OK?
Pls move on, God will send ur right husband ur way. Pls pity ur unborn children.
ReplyDeletePoster the pain ure feeling now is nothing compared to the pain you'll feel if you end up having as kids. Free the guy, I won't go ahead too if I were him and you shd do same. I'm a girlooo. Love is not selfish nor blind. Biko consider it children
DeleteOf course it's abortion unless you want to go through IVF where they will do sex selection and test for genotype b4 transfer of embryos.
DeleteThis una love is not so solid. You want to marry him cos of time and fibroid not entirely out of love. Leave the guy be and move on. Don't worry about the belly else ur self esteem will become a door mat and you will be the one begging for commitment from us relationship for the wrong reason.
Having a child who is SS is no joke my sister, my boss lost her 16years old son to sickle cell and she hasn't been the same, she even started a foundation to help other sickle cell patients and she's really helping them. She has 3 kids, thank God two are AS and one was SS.please and please move on, I know it's very difficult but you just have to. God will see you through o. I have two genotype results sef, one said AS another said AA, I have to take the test again. All these hospitals sef.
DeleteMove on already please... He's no longer interested. Better take this advice now to avoid sending in bitter chronicles in the future... Leave him the hell alone, love will find you. Its better to wait than marry with regrets. Be warned.
Deletei was actually going to just read comment and pass but i once sent my genotype story here and the replies really helped my decision making. my dear ur AA guy is on his way d right 1 for u. if God is truly in support he won't make u go through all the flushing and testing stress all in the name of love. just keep calm and pray
DeleteMy genotype is also AS but I have decided within me that I'd opt for PGD with somebody that I love and is ready to also explore other options of having healthy children.
DeleteI'm not going to allow genotype cage me or dictate who I fall in love with.
poster, are you sure this man is worth the flushing that you're considering?
what if you get pregnant 5times and they all turn out to be SS, are you ready to go through that emotional turmoil?
It's better to move on from this man as he is not ready (and he's fears are valid). Nobody's wants to birth an unhealthy child.
This two factors kept me until I gave myself sense and became a baby mama with an AA. Wake up smell d coffee b4 u reach 50 searching for “husband “
DeletePoster, he needs to want to be with you more than you want to be with him. If he is acting unstable now and doesn't make up his mind, please move on. You don't want him to abandon you with the kid when the chips are down.
DeleteYou want to go through all these stress for a man who would run at the slightest sign of danger? He hasn’t even made any commitment and you are already calculating flushing pregnancy because Fibroid. Leave this man alone and focus on resolving the issue at hand first before saddling yourself and your partner with your race to beat “biological clock”
ReplyDeleteYou people don’t even do end to end research of an issue, see how you are quick to say “I am willing to take the chance...”, you think these things don’t come with issues? Money and pain? How many pregnancies do you want to flush? Smh, God’s speed.
Dear Poster
DeleteYou need to love yourself a little more ,
I mean look at all the mental Physical ,emotional and financial trauma you're willing to go through all for a man that can already see that this union is a BIG NO,
SIS do yourself a favor move and focus of yourself and believe in God for a life partner ...
Cheers.
@Doppelgänger well said. You are so filled with wise words and I admire that a lot. Your comments are always sensible. I like how you reason. God bless.
DeleteRelationship of 5 months.
DeleteEgwu di
Doppelgänger you are indeed my doppelgänger.
DeleteYES; flushing after testing is ABORTION!
ReplyDeleteThat fetus is an innocent blood and God says that he hates hands that shed innocent blood Proverbs 6:16-17.
How can you be plotting to build the foundations of your new home on innocent blood?
And you expect God's blessings in such a home?
And where is God in all these preparations for matrimony?
please I am only asking sincere ajujus o.
It's like human life has become so cheap that Naija girls now "flush them out" like flushing the toilets?
😮😮😮😮😮😮😮
Mbanu, toilet go take one full bucket to flush...like passing urine o.
😱😱😱😱
Biggie belle no be sickness o. Everybody can't have flat tummy.
ReplyDeleteThat guy don bail, move on..
That guy has moved on....
ReplyDeleteToo many AS abound, maybe AA should reduce marrying AS.
BB. If AA don't marry AS, who will Marry AS?
DeleteVery ignorant and insensitive statement.
DeleteMy dear whenever you want to start a relationship..Make sure you know their genotype and Rhesus factor as well in order to avoid heartbreaks..Please leave that guy alone, do you want to be burying your kids in the future??...Hold on..the love you seek will find you...You sound like someone that carries the world on both face and shoulders...Be cool and calm for the next Mr. right...All the best...
ReplyDeletePoster please move on.
ReplyDeleteDo you people ever learn?
ReplyDeleteYou want to do all that cos you love this man, is he in it with you?
You want to settle with that guy cos you feel there’s no other man out there? Is it desperation?
You know the pain these innocent kids go through cos their parents were stupid and selfish?
Please help yourself and spare your unborn children that suffering.
You will meet someone with a stronger genotype that will match yours.
Some people like suffer o.
Please move on. Though it’s hard but it’s worth it
ReplyDeletemadam your relationship status is DOA
ReplyDeletePoster I can sense your desperation here.
ReplyDeleteDon't start what you can't finish.
Let that guy be. Your husband will find you... Amen
My dear taking care of a sickler is what I will never wish even my enemy. Please move on. I know it will not be easy but God will make a way for you. And in the end you will look back and rejoice that you left this relationship. More grace
ReplyDeletePoster, sorry but you will have to move on
ReplyDeleteBefore any relationship take off, genotype should be one of the most foremost things talked about. But people leave it till feelings run too deep. Do not hinge the life of your future kids on chances. Please call this off however hard it may be.
ReplyDeleteend the rship..and go see a gynaecologist
ReplyDeletePoster....before going into any relationship ask for their genotype lest you invest emotionally and then find out you ain't compatible based on genotype.
ReplyDeleteFor those of you who feel it ain't easy to ask, trust me it is as easy as it can be..
Someone recently told me how he broke up with his ex by lying about his genotype. Either way, this is not the man for you.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling he lied too. Alot of men lie about genotype just to end a relationship.
Deletebecause you have big belle that is why you want to settle for less -r you want to accept a relationship that has no love cos of your present condition. Are you the only one that has fibroid?
ReplyDeletemove on with you life, love yourself and pray for love.
At the right time, your own man will come.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who can't see with his left eye presently becos of this sickle cell thing.. Please dear move on so dat u won't live d rest of ur life regretting kos of d kinda pain u would be watching ur kids go through...plzzzzzzxxx
ReplyDeleteHmmm...madam it's better to let go of this guy, if not, you may end up regretting this avoidable trauma
ReplyDeleteYoruba men on a good day don’t make goods husbands, how much more when there is a challenge. My dear, move on now.
ReplyDeleteSee how you stupidly made a generalization about a whole tribe. A good/bad man is one irrespective of the tribe.
DeleteAnon 15:27 you don't have sense.
DeleteHow many Yoruba husbands have you married? If you have nothing meaningful to say, why not shush?
DeleteYou are right. Yoruba men don't make goods husband. Because Yoruba men are not goods meant to be sold in Aba market. Yoruba men makes good husband.
DeleteGranted anonymous 15.27's was silly,unnecessarily tribalistic and had no business suming up the behavior of the entire male species of the Yoruba tribe.. that comment should not have happened.
DeleteFFO you went so low with the speed of light! Egg all over your face! Shame!
The last sentence should be Yoruba men MAKE good HUSBANDS
Ffo, it's Yoruba men 'make' good husbands.
DeleteHaba, move on already. You will locate the man meant for you and vice versa. AS+AS is a NO.
ReplyDeleteSorry to say but the man is wiser than you. I'm sorry but i have to tell you the harsh truth. He knows the wisest thing to do is to end the relationship hence he's pulling away.
ReplyDeleteBesides, why would you take the risk of bringing an innocent child to suffer just because of "love"? You're even considering abortions in case the baby is +ve. All this for someone you've dated for 5 months and is now acting unloving.
You sound like you're just desperate to get married not because you're actually in love with the person. I understand the pressure as we are agemates and also unmarried but you've waited this long. Don't make a mistake abeg.
Your own AA man would come and you will not need to send chronicles to us. Amen
I love this advise.
DeleteMarrying out of desperation instead of love ends in disaster.
You really do not need anyone's advice to move on, it is so obvious the guy has moved on but still playing delay tactics wit you. Do not be in a haste girl! When the right man comes, he will accept you with all your challenges. as for the fibroid, you need t have it check out. It can be removed through surgery you know. One last thing, remember to talk to God first before anyone. All the best!!
ReplyDeletePoster please let him go jeje. Love will find you again. Don't even start that journey of having kids with another AS, cos the journey is filled with regrets, hopelessness, heartbreak, pains and sadness. Don't dare please.
ReplyDeleteIt's clear to me now that most of the things people suffered in marriages are well thought about before they go into it. Imagine what this one is saying even when it's clear that the young man doesn't want again. Okay let's forget about if he wants or not. What about the issues of SS over their kids in future?
ReplyDeleteAll I can see here is desperation from you aunty. You are 32 right? Don't women in 35 or even 38 still gets married? Please even if not for him, do not settle with an AS partner for sanity sake. For when the problems will start, you will regret you did. A word is enough for the wise.
It was never meant to be. Move on sister
ReplyDeletePlease consider your unborn children.
ReplyDeleteHow many you wan flush?
Are you sure his genotype is really AS or he lied to get rid of you?
ReplyDeleteGbam!
DeleteWhether it's a lie or not, the fact remains that he is no longer interested, not looking for solutions to the problem with her . That's a pointer to my sis to jejely move on, guy man is not all that into you to start with.
DeleteThis is a period where he should stand by you as you go your separate ways, not acting unloving as if he has been waiting for something to scatter the relationship.
I once read a Chronicle here of alady who either the boyfriend or husband was still spending money and time on an ex who he couldn't marry bc of genotype issues. So babe,dint drag it, the combo is bad and you will regret it bitterly if u go ahead. Just leave it and pray for your own AA husband.
Please Poster there is no remedy if he is AS and you are AS, it is good that both of you know before hand. The good lord will surely bring a loving man that is AA your way.
ReplyDeleteSis please!
ReplyDeleteTake it from a fellow AS female, your man will come.
Your time will come
That which is made for you will never pass you by, just be patient.
As for your boyfriend, just know he has checked out of this relationship, and you are now fully on your own, the earlier you move on, the better for you.
There are lots of AA (good men) who are looking for good women to settle with, please don't rush.
I have lost my cousin to sickle cell, i have another cousin battling thesame ailment, and i know first hand what SS crisis can be... i will never advice any AS lady to marry an AS man, the joy of being married is nothing compared to the pain of having abortions at 16wks or raising sick babies and watching them suffer as a result of your selfishness.
I am AS just like you, and i am engaged to be married to an AA man who treats me with love and respect.
Have patience my dear, your genotype is not a death sentence.
Now I know for sure that this blog is full of ladies that are murderers.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure his genotype is really AS or he lied to get rid of you?
ReplyDeleteHe may be tired of your no sex stance and want to exit. That's how some of them behave unsteady when they see you won't budge in opening your legs even after he promised marriage. Let him go, close your door, cry to Gos nnd lay all your issues before him. Talk to him like you would a loving father to make everything perfect for you. l him to give you a godly relationship that exudes peace with a man with the right genotype. Break up with this current guy before he breaks up with you. Emotionally your boyfriend has checked out, gather your strength and move on. The best is yet to come😘
*pray to God and tell him to give you*
Delete☝he wasn't planning to marry her. He only use the marriage card to get cheap access to sex but when you refused to give him for five months oga had to use genotype to pursue you.
DeleteAsk him that you both go to the hospital together to be sure his genotype is really what he says it is. If you have the time.
16:34, not necessary if u ask me, Fisher finds out he lied , will she marry someone that doesnt want her,someone that lied to get rid of her. It makes no sense going to find out
DeleteYou are still blind now because of love, don't worry your eyes would open by the time you start having children. Some children are cursing their parents for taking such decision you are about to take. Please move on, the guy has moved on already...
ReplyDeleteTo go through that with a guy that doesn't know what he wants? Sister, love your self.
ReplyDeleterejoice cos he just showed u his true color.pls move on dear
ReplyDeletewhats the take withn AS and AC
ReplyDeletePoster I have been in this same position about 5 years ago. Pls move on, it's better, leave all this bone marrow and flushing things cos ur not sure how easily u will even be getting pregnant let alone flushing and waiting for d next. Wait for ur own hubby, it's better to be patient than to cry ltr cos life without all these sef ain't so easy so don't add to it.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you even saying? Abeg abort ship, and when you meet someone new, when you guys are getting to know each other, one of the first questions to ask is genotype please.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean by you want to marry now because you have fibroid? Is fibroid a death sentence? That is how some of you will just keep using this fibroid issue to make mistakes.
Afi bone marrow transplant, you think its easy? The guy has more sense than you.
That how one yeye cousin wanted to move away from his gf if many years, he knew somehow the girl was AS, he proposed marriage the babe accepted, before you know it, guyman said he went to check his genotype that he AS too mean while he AA and the girl never asked him for proof... please women always ask for proof
ReplyDeleteProof for what exactly?he does not want so let him go.
DeleteBut this dating is not even that long and look at how you are stressing yourself. Deal with your fibroid issue, if they are so big that your have a big belly then that show where all your attention should be placed. How you going to put fibroid on back burner. This relationship you are forcing to push through is not important, especially in light of everything that has transpired so far. You see how God is trying to get you away from this situation and you are desperately trying to push through with it. This relationship is dead on arrival, the fact you had to mention your tribes already tell me that you know you should not pursue it. Respect yourself and your life and move on with dignity. Go research fibroid prevention diet and eat that way, also start exercising regularly. Take care of the body you have, and make your own health your first priority.
ReplyDelete16:29 thanks for spelling it out to her.
DeleteMy girl move on! I am SS as in sickle cell! Most AA men ran away from me because they couldn't deal with the whole crisis and money matter! Let's not even go into AS men, different story. Married at 37 to a decent human being and we had a kid who is going to be our only child a year later. He is AA! Abeg drop the load and keep facing front. It's just 5 months so no need to waste any more time. The pain of an SS child would destroy the strongest love. Your Chi is doing you a favour, don't force it. You would be alrighty. NOBODY has ever died from not getting married and giving birth,there's more to life than that. I have my SS friends well into their 40s happily living single and childless. Face front and keep going, you go dey alright las las.
ReplyDeleteDarling, you should be grateful that God is making an easy way out for you by allowing the gentleman act funny. It may break your heart right now but it's easier to let go of a relationship when your partner isn't holding on too tightly. Imagine if he were madly in love with you, do you think you would even have the courage to ask for advice? You would be too wrapped up in love to care and end up regretting your choices.
ReplyDeleteWhatever emotions you guys have for each other is not solid enough to ride the storms that come with dealing with a child with sickle cell anemia. I know a couple who were so in love before they had a sick child, nearly fall apart due to the trauma of sickle cell crisis. Thank God they made it! Sweetheart, why would you want to test fate by hooking up with a guy who acts withdrawn at the first appearance of a dicey situation? Don't you want a man who would hold you close when the chips are down?
You stated that you haven't slept well? You will murder sleep, like Macbeth, if you marry a man who doesn't love you and you end up with a sick child. Sweetie, I know it hurts but please, let him go. Don't rejoice if he comes back to beg, fight the temptation to yield because even with a good man, your predicament remains grim.
As for your tummy, there are many ways to dress to conceal it, you can go online and check out trendy outfits for plus size women. With confidence, a lady can slay in any dress size. Please don't let your medical issue, which is temporary, make you end up choosing the wrong partner. My darling, I'm so sorry you have to go through this right now but everything happens for a reason, if you are calm and observant, you will know the lesson you ought to learn from this experience and the blessing, which is usually in disguise. As trite as this may sound, this too shall, indeed, pass.
e-hugs and kisses.
It's not wise for you to go through such pain especially with a man who wouldn't show support when needed. You will regret this decision in years to come if eventually you later force yourself on this man. A year a ago, you never imagined you would meet someone like him, that should give you hope of believing that you will still find someone perfect for you, just relax dear, everything will be alright.
ReplyDeleteDo not marry AS out of desperation to marry, The outcome will forever hunt you...
ReplyDeleteThere is a man for every woman and vice versa, your man will locate you sooner than you expect.
As a rule for you....Before falling in love with anyone.Ask for Genotype...Dont waste your emotional energy on someone not available for you.
ReplyDeleteHe may not be saying the truth about his genotype but whatever the case maybe...Just move on. The right person will come
With about 150-200k, the fetus can be tested and abortion performed if genotype is SS,,,, that’s if abortion is acceptable to you and legal in your country . From the narration, it seems he’s not ready to take that option , so pls move on. When you’re AS, genotype of the person interested in you is what you asked first before getting deep to avoid stories like this
ReplyDeleteThis was me 2 years ago. Everyone I met and I liked was always AS. But the ones I didn't like we're always AA. It got so bad that I felt like God didn't like me and I stopped going to church for a bit. But I finally met someone and got married to the most amazing person 2 years ago. This thing you want to enter would cause you more harm than good. Please leave him and look to God. He would see you through
ReplyDeleteDear poster,it is a hard reality to face, when your biology limits how far you can throw your tentacles for future happiness. Maybe it is coincidental but I have observed that many AS people are attracted to AS people...but I digress, back to the matter, dear poster, we all know as well as you, that love is not what is keeping you to this man, you feel you are running out of time and while some may have the luxury for long courtships, you think you don't. It is likely, that not as many suitors are calling compared to your younger days and it feels like 'a bird in the hand...' All of your fears are understandable, however, forever is too long to manage proximity with just anybody. This man is already giving you the signs that he doesn't want to stay, do not force it subtly or otherwise. You talk about selective abortion and all of that, like it is a walk in the park procedure, it is not. How many children do you think you are 'destined' to have, that you are already entertaining the thought of 'flushing.' This is a most difficult phase in your life, others have successfully gone through it, you too can. Eventually, you alone will make your own choices, but I would plead with you to reconsider this stand for the sake of your unborn children and your mental health. Also, ask any potential suitor in the first month of dating, what their genotype is, do not let it linger till 5 months. This comment is already getting too long but I'd end it here. I recommend you listen to the music "sunscreen" Cheers!
ReplyDeleteNext time, your first question should be what is your genotype
ReplyDeleteLove will fly when crises come. I heard of a girl death this week. after graduation she still died from sickle cell crises, pls just wait on God to give you a man with AA genotype.
ReplyDelete