Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Mrs Dee's Corner -Myth Versus Reality Of Nigerians In The Diaspora

Advertisement

Advertisement - Mobile In-Article

Friday, June 19, 2020

Mrs Dee's Corner -Myth Versus Reality Of Nigerians In The Diaspora

A lot of us can relate to stories of our close friends and family members whom we've made great sacrifices for, to ensure their dream of travelling abroad were not dashed.




Some went as far as selling properties, taking huge loans from their place of work and even using their life savings just to be there for them.

When you hear them promising heaven on earth and vowing to give those who assisted them the world, you'll never doubt that they'll renege on their promises.

Give them a few years after they have settled in and they will see everyone back home as leeches trying to suck them dry or as a pest constantly disturbing them.

Someone I know even went as far as saying he's sure there's a spirit behind their irrational behaviour ,lol.

I guess it can be hard adjusting to a new environment and trying to fit in, but come on, Is it too much to ask for the 'abroadian' to keep in touch, is it too much to send a token home once in a while to show you still remember and appreciate them?

They don't call, when you call them, they'll hardly pick,they don't even reply chats and messages, and some still go as far as changing their cell number to avoid communication.


 know a personal story of one who was living large, as he was sending gifts and money to the family of his girlfriend and placed her on monthly allowance But his old parents were still going to farm at their old age. In fact, his parents were a laughing stock in the village and it was the mother's constant fasting and prayers that made him change after many years.

This story is one of the so many pathetic stories about most Nigerians abroad, and even though this may not be the norm, it appears the bad far outweighs the good.






*Why will people in Nigeria be expecting peope who travel abroad to pick their bills?OK i know the borrwing to travel or letting domeone spend their hard earned money to help you travel and you disappoint is bad but do you know that life is VERY HARD for some in the diaspora?So hard that it would be better for them if they had remained home?we see these things but you back home dont.....Abeg free them and stop expecting so much.

55 comments:

  1. Let us not forget how some people give their all to be out of Nigeria and they are doing marvelously well that’s a sacrifice that was worth it and let us not front like there’s no spiritual backwardness in very real in Africa! A guy once went to a native doctor to roast corn for his other friend living and doing well abroad according to them, for the fact that that corn was roasted wherever that abroad Friend is, he must come back and eat the roasted corn. Now coming back to eat the corn doesn’t mean he’d definitely eat it physically the whole idea was to drag him back to Nigeria and as I type this, The abroad man is back in Nigeria trying to stand on his feet again. We should put God in all we do! We should breathe him and live for him this world is evil!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Staying abroad dose not translate to wealth oh. In fact we send money to 1. My elder sister with 3 children whose husband has refused to work. My widowed sis inlaw that's finding it hard. Be4 her husband's demise, guy man was a house husband. Refused to work. Be4 coro,we has to relocate her back to Nigeria. She is working now and doing better. So abroad is not wealth and you work and pay for everything.

      Delete
    2. Sometimes, I don’t blame people are at home. Until you travel out you might not understand the suffering and sacrifice. A lot of families will depend on only their relative that is abroad. That person that lives abroad have families, friends, and relatives who ask for help or goodies. When you live outside your home town, everything you eat or drink is your sweat and hardly do you get a cent as a gift. The mistake is that people back calculated only your income and change in naira for you and not your expenses. A small apartment can cost an equivalent of 200 000 naira monthly which people at home can use to pay for a house yearly. Monthly tax can cost over 300,000 naira but no one back home calculated these things. You pay all utility Bills without begging oga landlord or bribing NEPA officials. People abroad are termed stingy because they know how much work they put to earn a dollar while people at home will spend thousands of frivolities without blinking an eye lid. People are abroad can do any menial job to make money while people at home will see those jobs as agbero job. People abroad can keep their kids on public school because they can’t afford private schools but people at home will want them to sponsor their kids in private schools. When you try to keep in touch with your friends at home they automatically want you to place them on payroll. People abroad are seen as “sleeping like white people" while the person is controlled by time. It is not greener anywhere. Gifts are to be accepted and not expected. I believe a lot of people abroad are trying but the misconception is the barrier.

      Delete
    3. 12:51 Where in my comment did I say or mention staying abroad equates wealth? You don’t need to tell me anything about abroad I know for myself.

      Delete
    4. My father brought his cousin's son (Mathew) to Europe after he completed his Masters degree yet couldn't find a job!
      His cousin had begged my for many years so he finally gave in, providing him shelter, food and money so he never went without

      Mathew moved into our home around the time I left home to start a new job outside of town

      He was quite reserved and rarely came out for a chat when he first moved in but very soon became verbally abusive towards us all but he always picked on my baby-brother who was only 8 or 9 years old at the time

      My very handsome and outing younger brother became a recluse and refused to speak to anyone. He spent all day in his bedroom playing video games. After school he wouldn't go home!

      My other siblings had moved out too except my youngest sister who was in Uni & had a full time job; so nobody paid attention to what was actually going on at home

      Matthew after spending 2years at my father's home, returned to Nigeria, married his childhood sweetheart, brought her along to live in Europe.  She went on to have 2 children in succession.... and then Mathew disappeared into thin air!

      Initially I was worried about his disappearance & thought "uhmmm, that's odd" but deep down inside, I knew he was alive and well

      Moreover, my baby-brother avoided him like a plague! But I wasn't sure why he didnt like the man & never asked

      And then it actually happened!

      It turned out that Mathew had been sexually abusing my baby-brother all those years he'd spent in our family home!

      I was broken to say the least. I wanted to kill Mathew!

      We found out about the abuse 15years ago, Mathew is still missing till date!

      He abandoned his wife & children & apparently, no one is aware of his whereabouts

      My brother on the other hand is now a 20-something year old man, a fully fledged drug addict (Yoruba people will call it "Ogbologbo" drug addict)
      He hate everyone & when we refused to fund his drug habit, he had a meltdown & cried like a baby! First time I saw him cry. He'd always been very strong & super-intelligent! But now he's a broken mess who refuses to get help



      Delete
    5. I blame you and your family for what happened to your brother. You saw a vibrant young boy changing before your eyes and could not find it out. If he would not open up to pple at home, at least you can afford therapists over there he can open up to. Everyone moved away from home and your brother suffered. I blame you and your parents.

      Delete
    6. So sorry Mama Ve, please don't give up on your brother, you guys should continue to support him through prayers and make him seek professional help

      Delete
    7. WOW. If you want to HELP someone, HELP them and wish them well. Not that you will be standing on their head forever wanting them to send something to you. If you can't give and remove your mind then LOAN them the money with interest and let them pay you back. Also, why are your lives so stagnated? You that could help someone to travel and you are still waiting for them to send you peanuts many years later? No progress? Maybe it's time for you to travel out and come and wash poo and have the money instead of remaining in Nigeria and becoming a professional ENTITLED BEGGAR.

      Delete
    8. Anonymous 16.02, your words stung like 'bee sting'
      Yu dont know my family circumstances! How dare you come onhere and judge myself and my family? Who the fuck do you think you are???

      Is it a crime to help a distant relative who turned out to be a bloody paedophile? I'm absolutely disgusted by your response but thanks all the same

      Now I wish I hadn't shared this as it's something that hurts so deep & has pushed me to the brink of suicide to be quite Frank! I already felt like I failed him plus he refused to open up despite all the interventions we staged to get him clean!

      Why am I even trying to prove myself to a total stranger?

      I pray you get yours, then you'll "get it!" OLUYA!!! OLOFO!!!

      Delete
    9. Shut up Busy Bee. Are you alright? Hian

      Delete
    10. @mama vee, I'm so sorry for what your brother went through and his going through. .I can't imagine all you and your family are passing through as well. So sorry.. Praying for a turn around for your family. Love and light.

      Delete
    11. @busy bee, how can you call someone who helped someone who traveled an entitled beggar? If things are fine for the person who traveled abroad, what's bad in him/ her sending help once in a while to those who helped him travel if he can afford it?

      Delete
    12. Mama vee, I am truly sorry about my comment under your post . I was just so angry about what happened to your brother and felt like it could have been stopped but I do not know your family and the circumstances surrounding what happened to him and I was terribly out of place to blame you and your family.
      I am sorry to have caused you more pain.
      I hope you get to see this.

      Delete
    13. How long does it take to get a shared apartment or a survival job? I know people will call you wicked, but everyone needs to protect their kids. Even your own siblings can be sexual abusers to your kids.

      Delete
  2. I'm the last person that expects money or goodies from any relatives that's based outside the country. Life there is not as rosy as we all believe it to be

    ReplyDelete
  3. Stella, I think this is about those that have it good but still deny their families back home. She gave an example.

    God will never let me see that thing that will make me think of my family as leeches and refuse to help.

    Even without working, I was sending something back home every month, thanks to my husband who also doesn't believe in you forgetting the people that gave up everything to make sure u become something in life.

    One of the reasons I was exceptionally happy about getting a job was because I can now comfortably increase what I send back home.

    I do this happily, as in, its one of my greatest joy that my family will have a taste of what I can offer and when I get an even better job, they will get more increase from me.


    Like I said, God forbid that I abandon my family knowing fully well they are not well to do. God forbid bad thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eka Joy may God continue to bless you and may God lift up your family back home as well.

      Delete
  4. I think they should take care of their parents, it's important.

    As for others, it's a choice.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Don't judge like that. The people you think are enjoying in the abroad may be going through hell. I know a friend who didn't stay in touch for years. No one knew the hell he was going through but couldn't tell anyone. So don't judge.

    Also, people should stop feeling entitled to another person's money. That your father helped him go abroad does not mean he must be responsible for your family's education and upkeep. He has bills to pay and no one to dash him anything. Don't be deceived by the fake life Yahoo guys abroad post on social media.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Nigerians have this "receiving" mentality...and think that monies rain on you once abroad. They do not understand the struggles of life abroad and the billing systems here.
    I remember calling a friend with a foreign number and within two weeks, he was demanding for money.
    And when they do these things, they do not do it as begging or politely asking, it is with entitlement attitude.
    No matter the amount you give them, it is not enough, "you are abroad now". It is sickening.
    ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is never enough my dear, they are never satisfied. They are leeches, they will make sure to suck all the blood until you can no longer function.

      Delete
    2. You are very correct 12:30 I like how people living abroad are voicing out! Money doesn’t grown on tree overseas.

      Delete
    3. As for me i stopped that nonsens they Are ungrateful i have My children to take care of the ones i brought to Europe All turned against me thank God they Are not doing well i also cut contact with them i regreat bringing them but God is faithful i dont luck anything AM ok.

      Delete
    4. @21:55 thank God they are not doing well?
      You might want to check your own character too.

      Delete
  7. The pictures and sceneries they see in social media deceive them. Do they ever understand that the people abroad struggle like everyone else?๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, many never do because they are just too selfish and greedy

      Delete
  8. Hope ladies here won't begin their usual chants. Most of you are demanders of monies from abroad people. Most of you here want to marry abroad people because you believe that that is a guarantee for huge monies for you to spend on your frivolities. Do they ever ask what the person does for a living abroad? ๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'Most of you'? Mbok based on what statistics? Any opportunity to bash women and your body go just dey hot. Abeg relax o! Life is not that hard.

      Delete
    2. @13:07
      Most of you, including you.
      The statistic is here to read daily in the comment section.
      Bash or wash us women, truth is truth... ๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคธ๐Ÿป‍♀️

      Delete
    3. Ok o! Including you too then. Happy washing.

      Delete
  9. If someone sacrifices their everything to send you abroad ,the least you can do is to show a little appreciation! If you get there and everything is not as rosy as you expected, also calmly and In honesty explain to your benefactor. Also sacrifice to make it too. Someone sacrificed for you remember?

    For the young man that supported his girl's family and abandoned his own family, well something is definitely wrong somewhere.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Mrs.Dee, you must balance this your topic! You should also write about leeches in Nigeria that believes those in "the abroad" owes them their lives.

    Write about leeches in Nigeria who betrayed their loved ones and squandered all that they have worked and laboured for.
    Also write about leeches that plans evil against their loved ones abroad just because they couldn't meet up with their numerous demands or just because they have broken the trust and torned into pieces the ties that bind.

    Thank you Mrs.Dee!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you and God bless you. I will patiently wait for the part 2 of this write up because it so annoying to read something like this.You will send money to someone in Nigeria and you will still be the one chasing that person to go and check their account and they will be giving you this kind of attitude that they haven't seen alert. Stupid people. I only owe my mum and dad any other person can go to hell.And when you even find time out of your busy schedule to call them.they will be forming busy.look whoever wrote this piece should right a part 2 about how abroad people are suffering and still trying to put smile on their families face but the people back home sha want to wreck them by force

      Delete
    2. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

      Delete
  11. Awww Eka congrats on your job,about the post no one should feel entitled but "KUNTry"hard and you are lucky if you have someone abroad that can send you a token from time to time๐Ÿ˜Š

    ReplyDelete
  12. People should also be mindful of the struggles those abroad pass through. They don't actually grow money on trees. Imagine the expectations of all and Sundry just because they are abroad.

    ReplyDelete
  13. We should be careful of the sacrifices we make to ensure a relative travels abroad. Living abroad does not mean that a person will become successful. Sacrifice is giving up something of worth for something of greater worth. Foolishness is giving up something of great value for something of a lesser value. The summary of this is for us to choose our sacrifices wisely.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm 1 of those now without any relatives or family outside of Canada & Europe. I LOVE MY LIFE THAT WAY. I say to everybody I'm only an african or nigerian by birth & distant memory. I don't have any love lost to me for those people there & that place.
    Woe betide anything or anyone that drag me back to grind in africa!!!
    Tufiakwa

    ReplyDelete
  15. ...anyways Omoni is a blog visitor. Lol,just coming from her page based on this post aha...๐Ÿ˜‚




    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course, Omoni Eboli has been a blog visitor for ages... You remember the African butter/jollof saga.

      She always shade us on her page.

      Delete
    2. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

      Delete
  16. It's a good feeling to give, honestly. When you give, there's this feeling of "I'm trying, to help out". It's not everyone that has someone in the abroad is a leech. Some are ungrateful and not content with whatever you gift or send them but there are some that are very grateful, happy and appreciative.

    It's not only in Nigeria are there so called leeches. Every third world country has folks that have wrong imagination of life overseas.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I live in UK with my kids, my spouse is the one who is sending money for our maintenance every month

      Delete
  17. I had a friend that left for the US some years back. Even while in Naija,I never asked her for a dime. We have spoken quite a number of times since she left, though I am not someone that calls or chats people up often. All my friends understand that about me.
    When the pandemic was at its peak with the CNN broadcast of daily deaths of about 800 people. Loss of jobs etc. I was so worried about her. I searched everywhere for her contact and when I finally did,her manner of response was shocking.
    I explained how I lost her number and had to reinstall my Facebook messenger after remembering we used the platform some years ago. Her response was 'what is the problem?' I told her I kept thinking about her and her sister who is a doctor. Then we became cordial again. But really,hmn..... maybe I misinterpreted her. Those CNN figures moved me to tears everyday until I had to beg my husband not to change the channel to CNN when I'm watching. I had no other prayer point and was always breaking down. I even called my ex that broke things up with me over 20yrs ago to be sure he was good simply cos he is a doctor. I guess I didn't understand the population of US.You sleep and wake up and learn that 800 people died in less than 24hrs. Ha! Or perhaps it was pregnancy hormones that got me so emotional. But the way she responded,hmnnnn. This is someone that we were very shareclose.The only person that I shared all my problems and worries with and we would pray over things together.
    Perhaps,I misinterpreted her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wow I'm sorry you had this type of experience with an old friend .maybe people only contact her to ask for money but she should have heard you out first ..its all good don't hold anything against her

      Delete
  18. My problem with people back home is they only contact you when they are in need. They will never check on you to know how you are doing, whatsup with you, If you even have a roof over head?? Yes, some people are homeless here. Boom, let them need something they remember a friend or family 'in the abroad'.

    It is not smooth anywhere so we have to work for every penny we make.

    When I visit Nigeria,I buy things for family and friends to the best of my ability. You give someone perfume, buy stuff for their kids but the person cannot give you ordinary chinchin, maggi, little things they can afford when you travelling back. All they do is collect and collect Thank God all my siblings are ok and don't depend on me except one who I constantly send money to and of course my dad.

    Another thing they do is once you give once, you are in for it. A friend contacted me that they didn't have food in the house, I sent him money. 2 months after he needs money to buy medicine,I sent him money,3 months after he lost someone, please help me with cash. I just blanked and said sorry for your loss.

    Everybody has suffered a setback during this Corona virus but you will still be getting all sorts of requests from people back home, I dey mint money???

    I do the bit I can but I can't please everyone.If all you are about is asking for one thing or the other, I will start ignoring you. As if people abroadian must always have money and can't be broke.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I have all my siblings living abroad,two in the US and one in Germany but dont expect them to take care of my expenses,if they send me cash,fine,if they dont its all good.Am the last but that entitlement mentality is something i dont have.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I have a brother in USA, na only when issues dey,and he wants me to pray n fast that he will contact me, but I know its not easy over there too, my prayer is for everyone to be OK, not to look up to someone before you can eat.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I have a lot of people in the abroad,but I don't expect anything from them. It's not easy for them there too,I know cos we talk about their struggles too. The only person who has ever sent me money from the abroad is my younger brother and I even pity him most times cos he is sponsoring himself there in school without any help from home. I appreciated the little he sent cos I know he could have used it for something else himself. Just cos you helped someone doesn't mean they owe you their life. Have you bothered to ask how they are faring there too? And anyone that has more than enough and refused to help his "poor relatives" back home,well...leave him or her to her conscience.

    ReplyDelete
  22. It is the same as village people thinking that anyone that moves to Lagos will become rich especially as shown in Hollywood movies. Truth is that there are people living under the bridges in Lagos or living 10 people in one apartment in Lagos or doing menial jobs in Lagos. Of course, some people living in Lagos will go home during festivals and pretend that everything is well to the envy of his mates in the village. Substitute Lagos for diaspora in the scenario above and you will get the gist. Nigerians love to see the successful ones only. They may make money in dollars, pounds or Euro; but they spend the same money there. Using exchange rates to determine their success is idiotic. A month rent in UK may be a year's rent in Nigeria. I paid N1m ($2300) for a 2 bedroom apartment in PH which is still less than the monthly rent in a good place in Southern California.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. You made excellent points.

      Delete
  23. I have learned my lesson dealing with people in Nigeria. If you live in the city, you are a hustler. I cannot care less. During this coronavirus, the only people I sent money to are the old women in the village. N10k to a widow goes a long way and the prayers no be here unlike the ingrates in the city. The people in the village seem to appreciate financial help more no matter how much. If juju dey kill from helping villagers, I would have been dead. Help the poor.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I think the important thing is to pray to have an understanding family back home cause It’s not all the time things would be rosy out there. Low key your folks back home is expecting you to remember them.
    I personally don’t see a big deal in sending my family some money or stuffs when I was out there. Infact I enjoyed it. But what my family never did was force me to send stuffs. My sisters are still out of the country and the last thing my mom does is remind them to send this or that... not like we are all round wealthy, we are just ok. Like it was so bad my one of my sister’s husband had to tell my younger sister and I to please ask for things from them.
    If you can send, please do. And if you can’t, don’t be pressured...take your time.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I have an aunt who traveled abroad about 10 years ago. Before she traveled, she lived with us for a while and I always knew her to be stingy. I knew that nothing was going to change when she traveled. She was the type that would always ask but never ever gave. Even when her fiance (now husband) would send her loads of things from the US, she would never give you a top or pant. He used to send lots and lots of things but she never, ever gave me or my siblings or even my mum anything. Not even chocolate. All she did was take and take and take from us.

    After she traveled, we reached out a couple of times but most times she wouldn't pick or she would be dismissive. Anyways, me I moved on. Thank God we're doing really fine. We don't have to be at anyone's mercy. I never even knew she had my number all these while. I noticed a few months ago that there was a foreign number who sent me random messages like, happy Easter, merry Christmas, happy new month once in a while..

    I spoke with her elder sis (who lives here in naija) we got talking and she told me that her sister (the one abroad) has another baby. I was really happy and I got to know that she's been the one sending the random messages. I decided to send her a message. Very sweet message oh. Asking about her family and congratulating her on the birth of her son. I also mentioned that I didn't know she was the one all the while. Her response was very sharp, straight to the point and dismissive. Nothing has changed all these years.

    I just wanted to be cordial. I wasn't going to ask for money or anything. I never ever ask for money from anyone. I am very proud. My siblings and husband complain all the time. Why would I ask a relative for money? I've never ever asked for help from my friends abroad. Never. Even when I help them out with stuff and they want to reciprocate the kind act by sending me money. I refuse it. My aunt made me feel bad oh. I'm never reaching out to her ever again. Make everyone dey their dey.

    To people outside naija, I know that some of your friends and family are entitled. Some of them constantly disturb you for help but not everyone in naija is hungry. Someone of us are doing very well (Thank God) Sometimes we reach out because we just care to know how you're faring. Don't shut everyone out because of a few bad eggs.

    ReplyDelete

Disclaimer: Comments And Opinions On Any Part Of This Website Are Opinions Of The Blog Commenters Or Anonymous Persons And They Do Not Represent The Opinion Of StellaDimokoKorkus.com

Pictures and culled stories posted on this site are given credit and if a story is yours but credited to the wrong source,Please contact Stelladimokokorkus.com and corrections will be made..

If you have a complaint or a story,Please Contact StellaDimokoKorkus.com Via

Sdimokokorkus@gmail.com
Mobile Phone +4915210724141