TV Actress Damilola Adebgite wants to know the secret of happily married couples and begs them to spill their secrets.....
''I don’t think we hear enough about happy marriages.
Marriages that continue to pass the tests of time. All we hear about are the ones that didn’t work. Please if you have been happily married for at least 5 years and you see this message on your time line, please brag to me. Tell us what has kept you and your partner together this far.
If you know any happily married couples (emphasis on HAPPILY), please tag them too. Tell us how you and your partner keep the flame burning 💕I met a couple who have been married for 9 years and it was as if I should join the union.
They couldn’t keep their eyes and hands off each other! It was too sweet to watch! Please share your secrets! 💕💕💕''
So yesterday I went to my friend's parents 50th wedding anniversary, omo it was amazing.
ReplyDeleteI sat down there imagining how they made it pass half a century together.
I left there a different person. My faith in marriage grew stronger, and I realize that it takes the fear of God to remain in marriage and the grace of God to stay in love with your partner in marriage.
As a single girl, every time I visited my elder sister's home, I had renewed faith in marriage and love.
DeleteNow in marriage with the most irresponsible man I know, dude hid his true character and pretended to be born again until we got married, now I hate him with a passion and can't wait to dump his irresponsible ass.
As much as my marriage is nothing to write home about, I still believe there are good men and good women out there who are having a beautiful marriage...
Damilola babyyyy, it’s simply because it not just a flimsy flame, it’s not superficial, it’s a commitment. That means when the chip are up or down you stick it out together
DeleteFew points below:
Delete1. Treat your marriage as 'PRIVATE'- when I mean private i mean private, do not share your joys and your sorrows. outsiders will judge from their love of you and condemn your partner who will feel betray and not trust you not to tell on them again
2. See your husband as your brother/friend, see it as a sibling relationship where you don't think of leaving them expect there is DV. Forgive easily please.
3. Learn to treat things as our own, not your own and mine own,
4. Love one another, no eyes outside, if you love you wont hurt him/her as you know fidelity is a deal breaker even if he/she stays and continue the relationship, they wont trust you again and lack of trust breeds a lot of harm for the union.
5. Love your spouse above your children, they will leave you both one day and you have only each other, your parental training might be different as you come from different background but try and adapt to each other, one wants to discipline, try and cushion the effects, one is too lazy to parent, try and encourage.
6. The major problem is money, try and understand each other and avoid the pitfalls of money challenges. No be fight no be competition, just try and make each others life okay, find ways to earn money and help, dont leave the burden and say form where I came from men handle this, handle that.
7. There is always conflicts and there also be resolutions, find a way out, you are always the one saying sorrow dont worry one day, you will have the upper hand.
8. Be kind to one another, dont let the other hurt, learn to give room when needed, walk away and come back again, just outside your home even to the gate will easy the tension.
9 Key point understand you are from different backgrounds and need to adapt
Men see and treat your wife as part of you
DeleteThose of you using your brothers as next of kin while married , hiding property are the coconut heads and foolish men that refused to learn from the widows & children who were done dirty by inlaws who couldn't wait for their brother's body to go cold before dragging property
Thanks for this anon 11:00
DeleteThis jet LI knows how to mess things up but would be forming born again.. some of us see through your pretends..
DeleteHow many women in this Nigeria buy properties and include their husbands name? How many wife's use their husbands as their next of kin? Now compare the ratio to that of men that add their wives.. but your hate won't let you see things clearly..
See the beautiful write up by anon 11.00.. save and meditate on it judiciously.. maybe e go help you on future
#pretence #wives #in
Delete@ Dante, She must have hurt you real bad or you are just a kill-joy by nature. Whatever it is, forgive yourself and heal! Your comments can seep the live out of a happy person. One can only imagine what made you so bitter!!
Delete14.45
DeleteAnswer the question I asked in my second paragraph and stop behaving like a mad fellow..
Why don't you attack the issue I raised instead of attacking my person.. na so Una dey always do when person drop undisputed facts.
Olodo
Hmmmmm.
ReplyDeleteI think getting the right partner who is willing to learn, unlearn,love, tolerate,considerate and committed should be the number one priority of every single person.
ReplyDeleteLove is not enough in marriage,y yo need more and if both are ready to give the "more" in marriage thing will work out.
This!!
DeleteI see that word TOLERANCE as the ultimate ingredient in marriage, if you're hesitant to tolerate in any circumstance, my dear avoid marriage, it's not for your kind.
DeleteI see the longevity of a marriage solely depends on the individuals mindset and tolerance level, how many men will still tolerate Jada pinkett? Even after the curtains dropped & revealed all shapes and form of entanglement, trolls had Will for breakfast but he still declared his undying love for his wife, now that brings a new meaning to the word tolerance, will you say they're happily married? Hell NO!! But they're married regardless
DeleteIt takes a strong dominant and loving husband and a feminine, submissive and committed wife to keep the fire burning.
ReplyDeleteRemove that word feminine
DeletePutin is dominant/oppressive
DeleteThose women beaten to death were submissive/swallowing abuse per second
The Nigerian definition of the above words are destructive
Bible said submitting one to another
Proverbs 31 woman had a supportive husband
But fools generalise and feel entitled to what they have no capacity to sustain/maintain
Your facts are indeed alternative. I'm quite certain that you ain't even married. The post require a HAPPILY MARRIED couple who have been at it for at least 5 years to share their manual.
DeleteThe woman may have the dominant personality and the man laid back and still have a successful union. The key is the willingness to walk together as one.
It takes God.. grace ..patience perseverance. Understanding and Trust.
ReplyDeleteFrom BOTH sides
DeleteYes o. Not one sided commitment
DeleteDamilola.
ReplyDeleteI would say communication. Communicate. Communicate. Talk. Be vulnerable. Talk. Talk. Talk. And talk again.
Why? Because resentment is as a result of unmet needs and expectations.
So table your needs and expectations and LISTEN and be READY TO ADJUST when the other person is also opening up.
I and my husband have carved out a time every night to talk about what happened during the day, and also table anger or grievances.
Even though when we are annoyed, we don’t want to talk to each other and May end up skipping the time together, we are working towards swallowing pride and putting the marriage first.
Also each person should practice 1cor 13:4-8 kind of love even when the other person isn’t. That’s dying to self.
Also marry a reasonable person with conscience 🤣🤣
This right here is the truth.. Don't sweep issues under the carpet, accumulated grievances is bad for marriage,whoever is wrong should chest his/her mistake and apologise, don't let ego and pride ruin your home, have a conscious mindset in making your home, don't compare your home with another no two marriages are the same and lastly marry a partner who has the fear of God.
DeleteMy parents will be fifty years in marriage by December planning surprise party for them. Am just four years in marriage so I think there deserve a big party is not easy holding it down
ReplyDelete100yrs together doesnt translate to being happy, sometimes it could be "where I wan go after all these years" or "lemme just focus on my kids he/she can do as pleases"... I'm not defining your parents marriage, you know better.
Delete@Anonymous well said. Being happily married and staying in a sham marriage for centuries makes no sense whatsoever if it’s just wasted years
DeleteWhy e dey pepper you. Leave my comments
Delete@Anonymous This ur comment is somehow....allow somehow to celebrate their parents 50yrs marriage in peace; ur comment under wasnt necessary tbh.
DeleteMy parents has been married for more than 50yrs now. so I know for a fact that happy marriage do exist and i pray mine will last too
ReplyDeleteUna two plan am? 50yrs 50yrs... abi na same person?
DeleteAnon do you know how many people get married each year and stay married for a long time, That 50 years will be exclusive to a particular couple.
Delete10:22 don't be a dunce, you no go school? One said 50yrs in December, this one said more than 50yrs. Your unpaid detective job wants to turn you into a fool
DeleteMy parents were married for 40yrs before my dad passed on. I've never seen a happier marriage. They gist from morning till night. My dad literally stands outside the bathroom as my mom is bathing and vice versa or they just bathe together, ignoring us. This old people😂... I don't even know what they always gist about. They won't even wait to get home to make aproko. My dad or mom will call on phone and drop headline, waiting for evening gist.
ReplyDeleteIt's been 6yrs since he passed, and my mom is still lonely. Sighs
Everything I do in my marriage is with them in mind, and by God's grace, it's been working so far. Almost 3yrs and I couldn't be happier ❤️❤️
May your dad's soul rest in peace. I felt emotional reading about their love.That was true companionship .
DeleteOzo and Nengi
DeleteSaga and Nini
Is that how they lived when they were younger, like when you the kids were very small? You most probably would not know as you were still very small or not yet born. Most couples endure and swallow all sorts when they are younger, the man may be cheating, beating his wife, being irresponsible, etc and vice versa. When ythe get older they will become more responsible
DeleteNor be small ozo and nengi o😂
Delete12:12, I believe they've always lived like that. I lost my dad when I was 24. And it was always like that. My mom's mentality of marriage will make you know she enjoyed hers cos she's never about "oh your time don dey pass, do marry". She's always about love,love, love. The woman too like love🤓
Anon 12.12 e don do naaa! Stop with all these "most people endure" shit! There are people who have sweet marriages spanning over 40 years! Such marriages exists, no be filmtrick! Na you wan tell person how their parents union be?
DeleteCommunication, selflessness...and above all GOD.
ReplyDelete...then again, start by marrying a reasonable and compatible individual who is as determined as u, to make it work.
DeleteThe "happily" part of the marriage is highly subjective. There's a couple we used to hang with. It was the husband's birthday and the wife's people were around. The wife is Liberian and the man is a Nigerian. They have 4 kids altogether. Anyway, in this particular gathering, we ran out of drinks and the man needed to go buy more. So he asked one of the wife's little cousin to accompany him. They left and got back after about 30mins. When they got back, we noticed the cousin didn't alight with him. She laid down in the backseat. We all just assumed she was a little tipsy and needed to sleep it off. The man then offloaded the drinks and went into the house to get some ice. We were all hanging outdoors. I decided to go in and wee. I went into the house and as I crossed the living room into the hallway, I heard soft whispers. "Stand here. Bring it out. I want to smell it. I said stand here!". In my mind, I felt I must be hearing things cuz I'm a little tipsy. So I finished up and as I was passing again, this time I heard the wife's voice loudly. "God save you". I didn't even bother to process all that. I joined the group back, the ice came and shortly, the wife joined us. Not long, everyone left and it was just us and this couple. We live close so we can afford to hangout until midnight. Somehow, we found ourselves talking about all her family members we had just met and she started downloading their good and bad data for us. Then she mentioned that her little cousin that had accompanied her husband. She said, "Lilly is a whore. She'll sleep with your boyfriend or husband now now and act like nothing. That's why as soon as my husband came back with her, I took him to the room and told him to drop his pants. I know the smell of condom, I know the smell of pussy, and I know the smell of a man who has just had sex and I know the smell when you wash yourself right now". My husband and I were too shocked that we busted out laughing. It sounded like a joke but Oga Bros still added his own, "If at my age, my wife go still dey doubt our love, dey treat me like small pikin after 15 years marriage and 4 children then nor shaking. Na my wife. Make she smell am".
ReplyDeleteThat marriage is going 17 years now. And the man loves his wife like that. They have a "happy" marriage. You don't want to know what "happiness" is in some marriages mean. Some happiness is just pure tolerance, some is domestic abuse, some is just high compatibility, some is unexplainable. So a happy couple is not the couple who is happy, a happy couple is a couple who have managed to find some "happy" moments to cling unto and turn into a building block for the tomorrow they're yet to live in. I know happy and unhappy couples going 15 to 20 years. They have no secret besides, "Laugh alot and forgive". You must learn to forgive alot to move past and see the long road ahead of you. That's all. As long as you have the strength to forgive, that's all your marriage really needs. It's all forgiveness and laughter. No big secret. 😘
Nawa o..
Delete😂😂😂 @Varey B. I didn't read through. Too early for headaches
Delete11:18, I read it too, not only Varrey B 🤣
DeleteAs I was strolling past, my eyes jammed "pussy" "bring it out",
Omoh! na so my ears raise like dog wey smell thief. Una kuku know say me I like all those kain talk🤣🤣
I just ran back and read it and yes, I enjoyed reading it😋
Praise mi, how the way na?🤗
DeleteVary B, na great wa!🤷🏽♀️
There are many good marriages and I believe my own will keep being sweet and good. Some of them don't talk because the heart of man is desperately wicked and they have fallen victim to things like that in the past so they protect their happiness. After Joseph was sold into slavery, did you hear him boasting or misyarning again? Damilola, God will bless you with a sweet and happy marriage as you desire.
ReplyDeleteExactly my thought.
DeleteGuys,you could do all the right things. Get a spouse that communicates,submits, financially stable and physically attractive but if the forces against your marriage are not subdued,you make no head way.
ReplyDeletePrayer..Prayer...Prayer
Not a passerby prayer
Not careless
Not religious
Prayer that is deep,heartfelt and effective.
Christian or not
Whatever you serve connect to a realm higher than earthly realm and operate from there.
Everything else fails.
This is the secret
The sacrifice of the place of prayer
When you say PRAYERS I hope it's for both the man and wife. We really need to make our boys learn how to pray.
DeleteThere are so many happily married couple a lot are not even on social media.
ReplyDeleteNot being on social media is probably the reason they have stayed happy in marriage. Social media brings a lot of unnecessary distractions and stress to marriages.
DeleteThere’s no perfect marriage anywhere, not even d so called men of God can vouch that they’ve not passed through or do not have misunderstanding in their unions. It takes tolerance, patience , forgiveness , wisdom ,most importantly, communication & d utmost ,GOD to make ur marriage seem perfect. My sister ,from a poor family ,married as an innocent virgin, beautiful, religious girl, to a pretentious bully & heartless rich man. Suffered all forms of humiliation, dv, maltreatment & abandonment. Was not allowed to work with her degree certificate, yet no funds for her, turned to baby factory, but she embraced God , fasting & praying endlessly. . To His glory, d children were/are brilliant & made it to d very best primary & secondary schools in Nigeria. Bcoz of d caliber of schools & personalities (parents) who sent their kids abroad after secondary school, d bully had no option than to do same for his children & that was it for my sister. One by one , he was sending them out accordingly until d last two. He didn’t know when he asked my sister to move over with d remaining two . As we speak, three are out of d University & working in multinationals as a result of their grades & professions , while d rest are still in Uni. Now , power has changed hands. He’s always traveling to be with his family & absolute peace has returned to their home. It’s not every lady that will endure what my sister went through but she ignored d husband with prayers & today no body will believe what she went through for over twenty years. It all varies in personalities, bcoz some would have called it quits or challenged d man , which might end up catastrophic & destabilizing d children but to His glory, she triumphed bcoz of her patience & God.
ReplyDeleteTufiakwa!
DeleteSuffered humiliation and disrespect for 20 years, couldn't work, was maltreated and you're saying she triumphed?
God forbid bad thing!
Your sister's testimony is not a paradigm for secret of a good marriage. No one party deserve to suffer before she/ he can enjoy in a marriage Union. Your sister was naive and poor that was why she had to wait until her kids are liberated. Many women waited for such time before they enjoyed and I call it being cheated in marriage.
DeleteGood marriage starts with the CHOOSING factor. When two mature, selfless, mature, committed individuals marry- it becomes successful because two of them are willing to work it out. Women are not created to make marriage work! Both the man and the woman makes it work period! Amos 3:3. A failed marriage is the responsibility of a man more than it is on the woman because the man is the LEADER factor. God help Africans
You are actually celebrating 20yrs of suffering???
DeleteSo she lived with him for over 20 years waiting for her kids to grow before she could be happy? That's just so wrong. But I guess she had no other choice. I'm happy she's now happy. My grouse is that Nigeria doesn't have enough old people's homes. Otherwise I wouldn't bother about marriage. I'd simply save up to retire to the old people's home when I can't take care of myself anymore. I love my own company and wouldn't want any man to destabilise my life in anyway. But as it is now, I'm becoming worried. Will be 31 tomorrow and my good innocent 36 year old virgin boo doesn't have money yet. I'm worried. Ain't getting any younger. Wouldn't want him to leave me when he's finally ready on grounds that I'm not young again 😩😩😪😪
DeleteHmmm...
DeleteShe really tried to have endured for all those years. Some women are not lucky enough to remain alive and enjoy when the children finally make it in life, some die as a result of the suffering meted out to them by their husbands or they are are alive but suffering from an illness that tampers with their existence.
DeleteThank God your sister is good now but I would not advise a young lady to use her as a role model.
This is what we call LONG SUFFERING
DeleteAnon, you may mean well but this came out so so wrongly. Please do not ever say what you just wrote to the hearing of your sister as a way to praise her. Your sister suffered so much abuse and torture for you to gloss it over and make it look like she won a medal. The pain he inflicted on her remains ingrained. She made those choices for her kids. Look at FFK and keeping the kids from precious. This is not a mirror woman movie. Your sister will never allow her girls go through what she went through. When the topic of her husband ever comes up, I hope you do not tell her "she won". I hope you tell her you are sorry for everything she had to endure all those years.
DeleteShe could have been killed even when the kids were still young. Not all women are lucky to scale through it alive. Just look at the things you listed that she passed through, you didn't include STDs, she may even still be treating some.
DeleteBiko don't use her case to demonstrate a successful marriage abeg. Which type of sufferness be dat?
Thank God for the testimonials in favour of women, men and marriage today.
ReplyDeleteNa only one partner dey carry marriage and make am successful.
Marriage becomes openly happy and easy for the two partners where they choose to carry it together and make it so no matter what life throws up or throws at them.
Everytin in between na jus adaptive procedures. Dat is why d procedures wey work for Couple A fit no work for Couple B. Yet Couple C can copy some procedures from A and B plus their original procedures to get sweet happy marriage.
Being submissive,giving your man freedom,communication,giving some space when needed..
ReplyDeleteStop being too clingy!..stop choking your man rather codedly get a boyfriend outside!..
Women that have a side nigga last longer in marriage!..
These have always worked for me!..
18 years and counting!..
Love and sex does not keep marriage oo
If the fire is not burning again,go on a vacation!..
You can relocate abroad for sometime!..
In other words, having an open marriage is the key to a successful marriage, 😂
DeleteThis your advise ehhh ... anyway only gullible people will follow blindly. If you cheat and they catch you Q&B will not be there to save your marriage.
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣 this woman na cruise you be o.
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteQueen oh!
You will never change
😂😂😂 and we call it a wrap.
DeleteYou cheated and haven't been caught doesn't make it right. Stop deceiving people , cheating on your spouse is never and will never be the key to a happy home....
DeleteLove is a choice
ReplyDeleteFriendship is also a choice.
It takes the grace of God to be happy in marriage, a god-fearing partner is also key👌
Also, be ready to forgive over and over again 💗.
When you are married to your friend it makes it look so easy, you laugh at silly things.
My humble opinion
My parents have been married for almost 33 years but you see the marriage is nothing i wish for myself or anybody. My mother said she only enjoyed marriage for like 5 years only and she stayed cos of her situation, she had nobody to suppprt her so she decided to manage it. No be howfar but how well.
ReplyDeleteWe live the moment. We know that we are not perfect and we forgive so that our heavenly father can also forgive us. Most importantly, marry your 'friend'. Court for a long time so you see some traits and decide if you can put up or not. Don't marry because of money or beauty in fact any material things, those things do fade away, when it does, will you hang inn there or not?, don't forget the Bible says for better and for worse, during the worse( which will definitely come one day), will you keep up and cover up?. We don't try to change our spouse, we understand their flaws because we have our flaws too. ✌️
ReplyDeleteCont. I understand that my husband is somebodys son, i treat him the way I will want another woman treat my own son, because I love my children so much, I wouldn't want a woman treat them unfairly so I treat someone's son (my husband) the way I will want someone treat my sons.
DeleteMost people marry for companionship and for the children to take care of them in old age. Unfortunately, the company they seek doesn't make them happy in the long run and many people don't even live till old age. What always causes problems in marriage? Cheating! Men will always cheat and once the woman complains, DV will set in. A lot of people only enjoy their marriage when the man is tired of playing around. But one thing I've realised about Nigerian women is that they don't cherish true friendship with fellow females once they get married. They always assume that their husbands are enough. My best friend for years changed after she got married. And this is to a man that treats her like trash that she was almost crying on her wedding day because of his attitude, yet she ended our wonderful and amazing friendship because she got married and even insinuated that her life is now better than mine. I was shocked. This is somebody I stood by when she wrote JAMB for 4 years after I got admission. Marriage is not everything in life. Being happy is. Healthy relationship with your fellow females matter a lot. That's one thing that kept my mother going when my father was acting up. My mother had good female friends that were always there for her.
ReplyDeleteYou sound bitter, you are obviously speaking from a point of bitterness-the trauma seeing what your mother went through when your father was acting up and what your friend did to you-if not you would address this issue broadly and not only focused on the man. It takes two people to make a marriage work.
Deletehow is she bitter anon? A friend she stood by cut her off and she sounds bitter? She is right! A woman needs female friends. Gloss it up all you like. It is what it is.
DeletePoster, don't mind the comment above. Women like this go into marriage deaf and then start looking for women to support women when they are looking for a job, promotion or are in marital trouble.
DeleteAnon 10:00 abeg God forbid that kind of marriage oo, what if she had die as a result of all the suffering melted out to her by her husband then her children would have continue the suffering by another wicked step mother. Tufiakwa😱😱. 20years of suffering!!
ReplyDeleteAnon 11:05 & Eka Joy, did u see where I wrote that my sister was from a poor home, both parents are late & I expected u guys to know that she was helpless & had no where or whom to run to D man wouldn’t have allowed her to leave with d children in d first place & to whose house, with empty hands? Yes, she triumphed bcoz my people & even d holy book emphasize on “Uwa Mgbede” (which means Evening life) being better & “D blessings of Job, blessings of d latter rain” being d best. She’s in her late 40s , looks like mid 30s & whatever she needs is yours for d asking bcoz d children saw all that she went through & do not want to hear her lacking anything. Her children are her pride , joy & gratuity for all she went through. D husband is still rich ,with d names of his children as Directors of his companies & properties. Something my sister had no knowledge of while she was going through hell. In fact if that man died earlier b4 d children left d country, his dominant & oppressive family would have commandeered every thing bcoz they were part of d problems in that marriage. D two main actors of that terrible marriage died mysteriously in quick succession , three years ago & d remaining are on bended knees , stylishly begging my sister but my sister has forgiven them & ready to help any of their children.
ReplyDeleteI understand you anon and I’m happy that your sister found peace at last. She’s a lucky one, because some people go through that suffering with no reprieve till the end. Or they die before they can enjoy.
DeleteOn the flip side, not many people will take what your sister took, especially if they have support (you said your sis was from a humble background). I know that I will not take that nonsense for that long sha, I will rather be by myself.
Do you know that your sister could have died in that house?inside that suffering? Many women died, they didn't live to enjoy their children or gratuity or evening life or whatever you call it. So I would beg you not to encourage poor girls to follow that path
DeleteYour sister has a good heart. Don't mind those up there parroting what they've not experienced and cannot experience. It is easier to talk when it concerns others, but when such situation is at our door step we don't act the talk we previously parroted.
DeleteCont.
ReplyDelete2) Damilola, that loving 9-years married, PDA-expressing couple that you met and judged their level of happiness by your ONE interaction with them, it is like believing that someone is rich because they posed beside Landcruiser in their profile picture. You do not live in their house so you do not know anything about them. My family members were shocked to learn that my husband and I argue! A lot is likely going on underneath but many couples put on a facade of happiness to make people think that their life is a bed of roses. Or they might just have had made up after a terrible fight or had sex before leaving the house after not sleeping together for one year and so husband or wife is happy after being DEPRIVED of sex for many months. Or they might be really happy. And then there are those couples who always seem to be fighting in public, but their relationship is more solid and loving than most. Even you, examine your life. When you were still married and your marriage was crumbling inside, some people would have looked at you and assumed that you had it all, wishing that they had your kind of life. In reality, your marriage was falling apart. Only you and Chris knew that things were crumbling. You would post pictures and everybody will praise you for couple goals. Bottomline is, never judge a book by its cover. Damilola, you want to know why some marriages last and others don't? It is the same reason why some people have tens of abortions under their belt but are now happily married with five kids while the one who married as a virgin is still childless after decades of marriage. The same reason why fresh graduates die in motor accidents on their way to NYSC camp on their first long-distance trip by road WHILE some people ply Lagos-Benin expressway at least once a week for decades without incident: THE RACE IS NOT TO THE SWIFT. TIME AND CHANCE HAPPEN TO THEM ALL. Many people have no idea that the ONLY reason why their marriage is still standing is because they have not faced a trial that is beyond their capacity. Like fish boasting that they are not caught in a net because they have certain qualities when the only reason why they are not caught is because fishing trawler did not pass their part of the sea. So they look down on people with broken marriages as weak and so on. They are like Peter before he denied Jesus-- boasting about how he can keep it together; until his trial came and he denied Jesus three times.
**So they look down on people with broken marriages as weak and so on.
DeleteOr they assume other women married 'idiots', not realising that an idiot today may have been a saint yesterday.
Cont.
ReplyDeleteCOPIED!
3) No matter how hard a weightlifter trains or the level of his dedication and commitment, he cannot carry more than his limit. So what do you do when circumstances of life which you have NO control over suddenly throws you a marriage-crushing weight? Being married for over 10 years is not a criteria for defining a successful marriage. People divorce after one year. PEOPLE DIVORCE AFTER 40 YEARS together. It all depends on the arrival or non-arrival of the weights or challenges of life. Any marriage that is still standing today, it is by God's grace alone. Fishing trawler dis not reach your side so pray that it doesn't. Ask any couple who are still together and IN LOVE, not just roommates, after 10 years - you will be shocked to see the horrid battle scars of that happy marriage. You will cringe at their story because you know that no human being can EVER forgive another for doing that kind of thing to them. But you can and only by God's Grace. And that 10 years spent together does not guarantee that divorce will not happen. The reason why marriages that are still intact are so is because circumstances or Time and Chance has not handed them a weight that they cannot carry. What will you do if your marriage will-power can only manage 50kg of pressure before breaking and circumstances throw you a crushing 100 tonnes of issues? Remember we are all not of the same size emotionally so what is crushing for your marriage might be nothing to another. But people are always trying to fit every marriage into the same cap, dishing out more sets of rules and regulations like Ten Commandments which no man can keep, as if what worked for yours will work for another couple's. Never trust or boast in your will-power and common-sense that are subject to being rubbished by 1001 factors of life. Proverbs says "Your boast of today becomes a prophecy of future failure. The higher you lift yourself up in pride the harder you will fall in disgrace." so you that have been kept from trials that crush marriages, just keep your happy marriage under wraps and hope for the best by Grace. You that you cannot even prevent yourself from stubbing your small toe on your own furniture, you presume to be able to prevent your marriage from falling apart by useless human sense and advice that keeps failing us all the time? You will be shocked at the scars from trials that people who have been married for decades have had to go through and they stayed together still because of this same Time and Chance and not because they are strong. Everybody is the same in terms of humanity. Try implementing all of those useless "seven steps to a successful marriage" advice after your usually kind and loving spouse does something so terrible that you are blinded by rage. None of those "advice" from counselors will even cross your mind talk less of implementing them. All you'll want to do is wring their neck in public! Marital skills and advice can only take one so far. I've been married for over 20 years. I can tell you that it is not by marital skills, "submission," money, self-control or mutual respect or anything on those lists of marriage rules and regulations that people depend on to keep their marriage together. Not by human effort. It is by God's Grace alone. If it is by human effort or the arm of flesh, failure is the result but for God's mercy which is what is still sustaining people who trust in their ability to keep their marriage intact by human effort. This comment is directed at believers in Christ so those narrow-minded and bigoted "atheists" who give courteous and open-minded atheists a bad name with their crass and uncouth comments can pass... with such possibilities that abound in this vast universe, those fake ones you wonder who really is narrow-minded.
Thanks for this. I learnt a lot.
DeleteIn a marriage seminar in church one year, the speaker asked me what I will do if I discovered that my "innocent-looking, loving and faithful" hubby had been cheating on me all this while and that he also has a child outside.
I told her that I don't know what I will do, that if it happens, I would know what to do. She asked another woman, that one said she would move out of her marriage as she can't stand a cheat, other women jeered at her and made snide remarks.
For days, I kept pondering on that question. What would I do?
I honestly do not know and I pray it does not happen.
Now,I trust my hubby so much, he does same for me too. We are still like friends after all these years, over ten years as married and over twenty years as friends. We call each other sweet names, sometimes by our first names and not Lord and master kinda thing. He has never hit me before and does not bring me down in the presence of his people. We argue, quarrel and make up with out outside interference, never caught him cheating or had any cause to suspect. When he was rich and now that he is not anymore, he carried me along (and still does) with his finances and spends on me.
People see us and envy us.
I used to think my marriage is fine because I CHOSE WELL.
*Sighs* this your write up, the one above and the one below have opened my inner eyes and I pray that God forgives me. It made me remember that question that they asked me. We have not witnessed that marriage-crushing weight and I pray we don't.
No marriage is immune to breakup or divorce. We should just keep trying our best and pray we don't get a temptation that can crush it.
This is the BEST input. 👌👍🙏✌️😻💕🥰😘
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ReplyDelete1) I remember how my siblings and I used to fight physical combat and argue when we were growing up. Even now that the last born is over 45 years old and we all live separately, we still annoy each other so much that sometimes, we don't speak with each other for weeks or even months. That is siblings o, growing up in the same house, speaking the same language and having almost everything in common. Now you bring two people from totally different backgrounds to be living together and to be constantly in each other's faces, some of them not even speaking the same language, with extended family making demands, and we expect peace to always reign? Who are we deceiving? Every man and woman is 100% the same. No difference. We see marriages unfolding before our eyes everyday. Some women feel like poisoning their husbands that they would have done anything for just two years ago. Some men will eagerly wolf down same poisoned food knowing that it has been poisoned because they can't stand to live with the woman any longer. Where did all of that initial buzz of attraction go? How can a couple have successful marriage? To everyone, especially believers in Christ, understand that possessing certain special qualities, skills or following any “Seven Steps for Choosing a Life Partner and Having a Successful Marriage” that this lady is asking for can only take one so far. If it depends on the arm of flesh/human effort, it will ultimately fail. They cannot prevent a marriage from crashing anymore than being a careful driver can prevent you from having an accident. There are unseen pot-holes, mad road users and other issues on the road that can derail or even kill a marriage, none of it being your fault. Meanwhile, there are some mad drivers (couples) out there who have NEVER been involved in an accident! But for God's mercy, the only way to avoid such issues that might lead to accident and death of a marriage is "don't drive" aka don't get married. But some people will be boasting about how it is because they are expert drivers that they don't have accidents on the road. Statistics show that it is people who consider themselves expert drivers that have the most accidents.
I read all 3 of your comments and all I can say is 👏👏👏👏. Deep. Wise words.
Deletefrom the male angle; just Be a mumu and know that all women are just the same,the moment you realise that they ( women) don't have sense, the better for you, so don't carry their matter for head. them no get sense, simple as ABC
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