Hmmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CHILD SUPPORT ADVICE NEEDED
I am currently separated from my husband.
A lot of issues led to the separation and he insisted we go our separate ways. Now i am with the kids, 2 kids and he has refused to pay for child support for them.
My parents and i have been fending for these kids and it doesn't seem right, considering the fact that the separation was his idea.
Whenever i ask him for their upkeep, he tells me to bring the kids to him if i cant take care of them. I cant take the kids to him because they are minors. We cant live together according to him and yet he wants me to drop the kids with him, one is still breastfeeding .
How do i get him to pay for child support? Please those who have successfully made their ex husbands pay child support in Nigeria should tell me how they went about it.
What are the processes and how effective are they? I am based in Lagos.
Thank you
The Nigerian govt really needs to look into passing a bill that makes spouses accountable for their kids... You cannot just abandon your kids all for one person and think its OK, it is not!!!
The Nigerian govt really needs to look into passing a bill that makes spouses accountable for their kids... You cannot just abandon your kids all for one person and think its OK, it is not!!!
If it abroad, you will oay whether you want or like it or not and even risk jail term if you try to divert your earnings from your account where the money is pulled from.....
Please someone should give her the details she needs...
CanT give you 100percent assurance of this oooo...
ReplyDeleteFrom experience...
Cuz that kind law no work for we corrupt country
Please try not to say anything at all if you have nothing to offer. You must not comment on every post.
DeletePoster, get a good lawyer. He should advise you accordingly. In the alternative, there is a ministry or NGO that helps in cases like this. I'm sure someone here will drop the info.
You still didn't say anything.
DeleteMr from experience
15.21 👌👌
DeleteWhat pinky said makes sense
DeleteThere’s no assurance if you go the legal route
My dear use woman power. If you want to go legal in Nigeria. I doubt if you will get anything meaningful. The amount they ask the man to pay monthly as upkeep most times is ridiculous. Eg. 10k. That is after you will have spend years on the case, spent money and time following lawyer up and down. .Disturb him with calls. Report him to everyone that knows him. Don't allow him rest till he do the needful. It can be stressful but keep your emotions in check.
ReplyDeleteAlso go to his work place and embarrass him
DeleteThat you will have to disturb a so called father to take care of his own kids is a GREAT shame.
DeleteIf it is to bring out penis, they ate ever ready like randy dogs.
I wish you had a strong mind. I would have told you to drop the kids with him whenever he tells you to. Let me see how he will be able to cope with two toddlers and still go to work at the same time.Useless father!
DeleteIf she drops the kids with him those kids will SUFFER. They will most likely be abused. Poster dont drop them ooo. Keep disturbing him to pay. Take him to justice court. Search on youtube for it. Keep calling everyone he knows. They dont like their friends and family to know they are a deadbeat!. Try everything. Take him to the ministry of womens affairs?
DeleteTake him to justice court. Make sure you have his work and house details.
DeleteGo to the local government area council.office where you reside and also his and ask for the family welfare department. They would ask for details and also invite him and guide you through. It works.
ReplyDeleteThere is this human right commission that basically fights for women here in Ilorin, there should also be in Lagos try and find out.
ReplyDeleteKai! I am so sorry, sis. It can't be easy.
DeleteThese kind of men have a special place prepared for them in hell.
If you go to court, he will be made to pay school fees and N4k per child. Abi no be so we see each time Stella posts cuot matters here? There has never been any case where a man is made to pay beyond 5k per child.
Poster, what kind of prayer do you pray? Kindly learn the affirmative confessions kind of sunny-side-up kinda prayer with lots of love and positivity. Avoid churches and prayer houses and pastor's that focus on the problems. You should handle this yourself in gratitude for the good health of your children, your family's capacity and willingness to help, your fertility, friends, strangers who go out of their way to help you, your own good health, the few good experiences you had in your marriage etc. Focus on only the good things when you pray and watch things change in ways that beats your expectations. Don't forget to be generous with the little you have, even with your time, praying for others and in saying good things about people.
First time sapphire has given reasonable advice. Women marry and have children you can cater for, to avoid stories that touch. Avoid demon buster churches and focus on thanksgiving . Avoid bitterness and focus on the grace of God only!!! Let forgiveness and peace reign in your heart . If you know you don't have strength like me to cater financially, emotionally , spiritually and psychologically for your children yet. Then avoid marriage!!! Shalom
Delete@ Ms Sapphire not exactly so. Court awarded me 40k each per child for upkeep alone the downside in Nigeria is the men don't agree to pay
DeleteWoman, its a pity this happend to you. But please, man up and take this responsibility.
ReplyDeleteI'm not excusing your husband. I'm just saying that you don't know what he has done.
There are deeper dimensions to the things not seen.
Search for Justice Court on YouTube. You can check their website too.
ReplyDeleteMany cases like this have been resolved there.
Yes please justice Court by judge funmi asaolu. Please check it out please
DeleteJustice court is not useful unless you want little money.she doesn’t order a lot in child support
DeleteThere are some great lawyers on the blog, they will let you know.
ReplyDeleteHmm if this scenario happen in abroad I will have said u will get child support. U can contact some NGOS or ministry of women affairs. The rate of dirvoce is alarming. Try to find out why ur husband wants to opt out of the marriage to be sure say no be say Dem no use juju for him or back pigeon on his head. Try to take of ur kids with or without him bcus if d so called man is dead GOD FORBID u have no option than to take care of ur kids. I will advise that women should start birthing the number of kids they can take care of without d man's support.
ReplyDeletethank God you were allowed to take the kids with you.
ReplyDeleteThe reality is that you and your parents are saddled with their care
and all. The cost of litigation will just take care of those kids.
Please do not turn the kids against him, for if they grow up bitter,
it can mess them up.
If you can drop your details I’d like to support you with the little I have because this man is out to frustrate you. If I were in your shoes I’ll express my milk and give to him so he feeds the child let him take the heat of also catering to the needs of the children because if you suffer alone they’ll still look for their father. If he can’t cope he’ll start giving you money or call for reconciliation it’ll also scare desperate side chicks away wey no want baggage. Also use this time to change the things that broke you up it takes two to make a marriage work.
ReplyDeleteShe should not drop them oooo. The man will not feed them kankan. He will get whoever he can to take care of them and they will suffer the poor kids.
DeleteI wouldn't advise her to drop the kids especially the breastfeeding one.
DeleteI left when my kids were old enough to tell right from wrong ages 15 and 13 and I left them with their father.
For most men out of sight is basically out of mind.
Even away from them,I know the efforts I put in to get him to do right by them.
I had to become friends with him despite the domestic violence I faced when I was with him to get what I want for my kids.
But I was able to drop them because they were older.
Please do all you can to care for your kids.
Even if it means mending fences from a far.
You'll be fine.
There are govt agencies you can take him to in Lagos and they will make him pay especially if he earns a salary somewhere.
ReplyDeleteIf you are in Lagos try out the justice court by Justice Fumi. You can learn more about her on YouTube.
ReplyDeleteBut you’d have to tell your story online. I wouldn’t want that. Just go to court
DeleteIf you live in Lagos, go to the Ministry of Justice (Directorate of Citizens right) and present your case. Best wishes
ReplyDeleteMy dear poster. I want you to brace up and start taking care of your children ALONE. I did mine for 14 yrs before God sent me a man who married me and my son. The system in Nigeria is not kind to women with children you will go to human rights, court or social welfare but he will be made to pay a paltry sum like 3k, 5k, 8k. After a while he will stop paying then you restart the court and legal process again. Abeg use that money to train them and don't look back. God will send helpers to you like he did for me.
ReplyDeleteGood advice. Let me add that if your husband works in a corporate organization, you can go and report him to HR.
DeleteThey are used to handling such.
I just discussed this issue with a friend. I was asking her why igbo men don't like collecting bride price. I thought all along that it's the men being wicked and vengeful so they can tie the woman down and she won't be able to remarry and move on with her life.
ReplyDeleteMy igbo friend shocked me by saying when the bride price is returned the children produced in the union automatically becomes the wife's father's children. I was shocked as I've never heard this before. Please is this true?
I started telling her that how do you make the ex-husband responsible for the upkeep of the children if you say the children are no longer his? I had no idea this would be the topic of today's chronicle, I just finished discussing it with my friend, came on the blog then saw this.
It's time to do away with traditions that will only harm us especially the women. I'm not saying this poster is igbo because she didn't state it. I'm just trying to understand how a break down of a marriage for whatever reason will lead to the return of the bride price and the children will revert to the bride's father. Let say she has a father that is comfortable and can even take care of her but unfortunately dies, but because daughter's can't inherit, she gets nothing and the brother takes all and kicks her out, how will she survive with her children?
I mean you can divorce and all but the parties must be responsible for the welfare of the children. We have seen where the courts awards 3k monthly for the welfare of a child in 2022 which only means the mother has to take the responsibility. Don't punish your children because of divorce, not all marriages will work but children shouldn't be the victims.
I hope Lady Stella will post.
ReplyDeleteThe Poster seeks help. Without giving her any advice, whether helpful or not, some of us seize the post to insult men. Can any of us insult men better than this poster at this moment? But it is doubtful if she would do so because very likely, there is a man in her family who is of help to her presently.
This post is similar to yesterday's chronicle update post. Below is an adaptation of the suggestions I made to that Poster.
Suggestions -
1. Ease does it - No nagging or verbal fights especially in public in all or any of steps stated below. In matrimonial cases, the arbiters and spectattors tend to side with the calmer party.
2. Your family should go to his family and resolve the care matter or your matrimonial matter. Most Nigerian marriages (if not all) involve families from the day of "meet the parents" or from the day of the ceremonies at the very least. It is always a wonder how some of us want to resolve marital issues that have led to separation without families' involvement. Expectedly, there would be at least one person who will talk to or with him to reach a middle ground with you.
3. If you think you would get an understanding person in his boss at work, go meet that person to plead your case. But be adviced. Some boss may sack him straight away or if he refuse to co-operate after his/her involvement. DO NOT go to his work place to embarass him or fight him. It belittles you. Some people we say "no wonder he is running from the marriage". Some private employers may not treat you both lightly. You may be treated and dealt with as nuisance and trespasser, and he as in breach of employment conditions.
If 2 and 3 fail,
4. Goggle Citizens Mediation Centre in Lagos. There is one of its offices near you. Go there. The good in its mediation is that agrrements can be registered as judgment of court If the matter is out of their scope, an officer will direct you to the appropriate office in Lagos State. Or you can go to the Lagos Multi Door Court at the Ikeja High Court premises. But the procedure thre is more formal than the Citizens Mediation Centres.
5. Goggle for the nearest FIDA (International Women Lawyers Association) and contact them for help. Vibrant branches are familiar with matters such as yours.
6. Go to the nearest LGA Secretariat. There is a ministry for women, youths and welfare in all Secretariats. Or go to the State Secretariat at Alausa. .
Any of 4 - 6 will help. If none,
7. Get a Lawyer. Please in looking for a lawyer, make sure he/she has handled this kind of matter before and know the ropes well. All lawyers are qualified to practice law. But some have specialist experience than others in certain areas of the law. A lawyer with an "Abigailian approach or contextual approach" and sound knowledge of the legal rules of family law may achieve more for you than a lawyer who adopts the "bole ka ja" approach no matter his/her knowledge of the law.
8. Be willing to co-operate and grant full access to the children. Your husband is their father. Experience shows that some women want child support but do not want the father to have access or to the children or do not want the children to know their father at all. You have been counselled already not to brain wash the children against their father. Trust that counsel because in the end, brainwashing children against their father does not pay the children, you, and their father.
9. Hold on to and believe in Almighty God. Pray for God's total intervention in your marriage. See Proverbs 21 v. 1.
#TheLegalTrainee
This might sound shameful to do but if you can, get in touch with his boss, go to his office with the kids and see his boss while your ex husband is there thats if he's working for someone, talk to his family members also...
ReplyDeleteIf he works in a corporate office write an official letter to his superior and an agreement will be reach.
ReplyDeleteMy ex husband and I went our separate ways almost thirteen years ago. My son was just four months old. I went back to my papa house. He served me divorce letter few weeks later and I sharparly signed am. Na so divorce process start. It took the court three years to divorce us. The court asked him to be paying ten k for the upkeep of our son and his school fees every term because by now our son was in kindergarten. He pay once and he nor pay again. I talk taya, no way. I just let him be. I know where he lived and where he worked but I didn't go looking. I just face front and took care of our son. My God sent husband came into our lives and married me and my son when he was five years old. He relocated us to the United States seven years ago and adopted our son. God has been good to us. My ex didn't come looking for his son. My ex passed away last year at forty eight years. I cried. May his soul find rest. I have a boy and girl for my husband now. So poster, I will advise you let him be. I know it is not going to be easy. But how ever you want to go about it, may God come through for you.
ReplyDeleteI’m so happy for you, God really showed you mercy. May His name be praised.
Delete