Hmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SERIAL CHEAT WITH PROBLEMS
I am 34years and have been married for 8years and TTC ......
It was discovered my husband can't father a child except IVF through donor sperm which I was willing to do for him but he is yet to come to term with the whole thing.
My problem now is I have been snooping on my husband's phone since he is always on phone whenever he is free and I discovered he is a serial flirt which I actually discovered from the early stage of the marriage.
I have totally lost count of the girls because he can be chatting 4different girls at the same time. To the girls, they are in a serious relationship with my husband and waiting for marriage not knowing he is a married man (I know he doesn’t sleep with them) He is the type that can't look at a woman face to face.
He is only good on phone declaring his love manifesto and hiding my existence from them. Earlier in the marriage when I see those exchanges of love chats and confront him, he will always apologize and say it is his weak point but now he no longer show any remorse but now gets angry that I went through his phone.
He defends himself by putting his reasons on my character. Me! Bad Character!
Humm!
How can my character makes you so serial? You can’t stick with one of them but keeps changing them and chatting up new ones? So, I am not the problem. He is his own problem.
If I am crying for one and expect him to change and show me pity by respecting me, he will start a new one with a new girl. This recent one with a new girl triggered my BP and broke me into pieces because I just recovered from the recent one. I am hurt beyond words. I am now a shadow of myself. His reason is "because I was not talking to him on the previous one" this pain is just too much.
How can one person be this heartless? Is this how I will continue to be disrespected, sad and miserable in this marriage for the rest of my life? Because I know he cannot change.
What will become of me at old age when the IVF fails and I can’t have children of my own again? I have been enduring all these years because of his mum who loves me so much. She will always beg me not to leave him whenever I report him to her but how can I keep pleasing her at the expense of my own happiness and peace of mind.
I am emotionally, mentally and psychologically drained right now with different thoughts going through my head. What should I do in this part of the world where one is stigmatised for being a Divorcee....
Should I just shut my ears against what people and the world will say and move out to find healing? Move on with my life without looking back? Please what should I do?
*MOVE ON PLEASE..... like you rightly said, there is more pain and regret ahead if you dont move... You already saw this problem but you thought he would change huh? Now you know better.... His mother will beg until they will be the ones that may call you barren and marry him a new wife.....
Do the needful...
If he were the one with the infertility issues , he would have left you without a backwards glance or impregnated another woman .
ReplyDeleteEven his mother who you think loves you so much , if it were you with the infertility issues , she would have asked him to find another woman to impregnate.
Why do women stay in shitty marriages because his relatives love me , Lmaaooo meanwhile you’re the one in the marriage suffering like this one .
Be there .
Lady MorgiannE
He would have left her since na, even his kind begging mum would have helped him throw her things out!
DeleteJust imagine o, Osalobua!!
She there crying, of what use is he to you? Dump the mf immediately and go be with another person that will love, respect and fill your belly with children, you are just wasted on him.
Madam if you like stay there and be asking questions like a primary school child
DeleteThis is your life!!!’
This is your destiny!!!!!
You do not have a spare or extra.
Or do you?
Drop that idiot like a hot towel.
He has broken the code of marriage and so you can separate on grounds of adultery…whether he’s slept with them or not.
He’s cheating on you emotionally and should be left to stay by himself happily .
Also who told you he hasn’t slept with them.
What a useless man!! Wetin he pass?
Abeg oh
Move on with your life
Mma Nwachukwu
I don’t know why men with fertility issues and erectile dysfunction cheat the most… why? Just so you can feel like a man.
DeleteHere’s a woman you cares for you, but you can’t bring yourself to have a child by a donor, hereby tying her down with your for years, forgetting she has a biological clock.
Poster you are married to your enemy because it’s only an enemy who will not just hurt you but also not want you to be happy.
Please chose you
Push up (original)
16:47 As in the kind of daft questions are baffling me.
DeleteYou are married to someone who treats you like dirt, exposes you to ridicule, gaslights you, is cheating with multiple girls and you are 'begging him to pity you and respect you.'
You gan sef, do you have self respect???
If you do, no sensible person will accept this.
If it was you doing all this, would he be running to a blog looking for answers?
Your husband is impotent.
He is dragging his feet even when there is a clear cut solution.
By the time he drag drag drag, you don reach menopause, all your pubic hair don white.
Bobo chic-a-go will go and find a new chassis to start the cycle all over again.
If it was you with the problem, do you think he will even think twice and kick you out?
You had better sit up and use your brain.
The one that is dieting and has born boy and girl, husband still went to marry akpa fufu talmabout what michellin dey bring to table.
You had better think like a man, the most selfish creatures on earth!!
That is why they are always several steps ahead of you women because you will using heart to think in place of your BRAIN.
*ndi 'pray for him, your husband is tied inside envelope under the udala tree, food don come. Come chop!
Poster eee, na because you are sounding emotional right now, if not, I would've given you and e-slap to reset your brain. Be there and be asking jamb question. Somebody that treats you like dirt and does not send you. Imagine you are the one with the infertility issue, would he be there for you.
DeleteYou are considering your mother in law who has lived her life and still doing so. Keep it up okay, till you reach 50yrs and can't have a child anymore. You are dreading what people will say if you get divorced. Keep living your life for others instead of seeking for your happiness.
This your Chronicle really vex me.
If I were you, I'd be in UK right now. He won't even know when I'd leave his ass. Marriage is meant to be a beautiful thing that keeps you happy 90%of the time. Yours is a prison you built for yourself. You own the key, yet you can't let yourself out. Stay put and let BP eat you alive ok?
DeleteYour mother loves you because you are covering the husband's shame. The day you leave is the end of that love.
DeleteE go shock you.
Naive poster! Who says he isn't sleeping with them 🤣🤣🤣🤣? He is doing microphone check on who will get pregnant first and he dumps you. He is a serial cheat and a bag of veneral disease cos he doenst wear condoms. Forget his mum o! She will dump you immediately another luckily gets preggs for him. Time is running out fast. He doesn't deserve you....and please stop being naive
DeleteIf this one snaps someone will say she should have walked away.
ReplyDeleteCrime of passion is real.
Well she better walk away now before anything crazy happens. I pray not. Poster has completely lost her self esteem and best thing is to jejely separate. Go to your family and friends for support please. You need you family now
DeleteHis mother is begging u simply cos her son can’t father a child. I would advise u to move on. This kind of man will never treat a sperm donors child like his own.
ReplyDeleteThank you. He lacks fear of God and self control. If you use a donor, he will treat the child like a bastard. Useless man.
DeleteTrue. It happened to my sister's friend. Her husband was infertile and begged to let them use a sperm donor secretly.
DeleteThe man sha later abandoned them and became a full time womaniser. He said the kids ain't biologically his so he can't be responsible for them after the divorce. She became a single mom of three, homeless and without a job (she was a housewife during the course of the marriage). She moved in with her mom and used her car for Uber. Thankfully she has been holding up fine, paying her bills and all. Mom didn't let her move out though.
Thank you
DeleteAunty take back your life! Stop this pity party and victim mentality and moooovvveee on!
ReplyDeleteIt's your life for crying out life!
You don't get to live it for another person!
As in eee, the pity party, victim mentality is pissing me off. Like, you are a grown up for crying out loud and this is your life and nobody else, you are talking about here.
DeletePls move on. You have endured & tried enough. If it was you that had the fertility issues, he would have moved on tey tey,including with the support of his mother that I believe is forming loving you so much cos the son is the one with the problem. Just do you!
ReplyDeleteMadam, what is the color of your problem? He can't impregnate you, he disrespect you and cheat on you. Does that look like a man who care about the marriage? You women need to stop all these thinking of what people will say about being divorce. You said you need children, emotionally, mentally and psychologically drained already, this means its time to move on and find happiness again. Divorce him and damm the consequences. Good luck to you.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm
ReplyDeleteIf I say what's actually on my mind now,you would probably feel I don't understand.But let me give you a hint,You see that other chronicle writer(James Bond Badoo Babe) that did a number on her husband and her house help?I do a toast to her virtually everyday.You either leave or stay and lock up.
ReplyDeleteWho stigmatized divorcee? Better leave him while you're still in your prime. Do you think he would have stayed with you till now if you're the one in his position? Someone with infertility and still not giving you peace of mind, better borrow yourself brain
ReplyDeleteThat is even the most annoying. Impotent and still a womaniser and disrespectful.
DeleteI have never been one that is quick to advice one to move on expect the marriage is abusive. In this case Madam, commot first. Take a break. Let reality hit him. If matters can be resolved later, OK. If not start afresh.
ReplyDeleteSome situations are way worse than divorce.
ReplyDeleteThis is the reason why I applaud that chronicle writer with cheating husband and nanny. Imagine you having BP because of Waka Waka man... Heeeeeeeeeei God.
ReplyDeletePoster what is wrong with you exactly.WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM EXACTLY!. honestly!. Only 1 man cheats and cannot have children yet you stay...as in HOW?!. why do you have ZERO love for yourself. Are you really broke and cant leave?. There must be something you are not telling us!
DeletePoster read Stella's advice over again.
ReplyDeleteMy advice is for you to move on not because he is a serial cheat (in reality men who have multiple side chicks dont have any commitment to them but fear the husband who has just one side chick as she has become your mate or competitor)but because he would leave you to cater for the child alone and tell the world you were wayward and dashed him someone's child! So do yourself a favour and walk away!
ReplyDeleteExactly. He would turn it on her later and claim she did an away match and there won't be anything to back her up on their agreent to use a sperm donor. Meanwhile, he fit go do DNA to back up his lie.
DeleteWhat exactly are you benefiting from the marriage?
ReplyDeleteNo children,no respect,no happiness,no love,Your husband still can’t father a child on top of all this stress!
If you were the one with issues ur mother in-law who you think loves you so much will have told her son to impregnate another woman.
If you think you can’t cope anymore take a walk before you kill him out of bottled up anger and frustration one day. Forget about what the society thinks, so many divorcees are married again today Infact for some of them their 2nd marriage is even better than the first,they are happier,have kids,and are doing better than they were in their miserable first marriages. Take a walk if you are tired for your sanity.When shit happens the same people who will condemn your actions will ask you why u didn’t leave the marriage.
There’s no marriage here so please leave him and start afresh.
ReplyDeleteSHYLA
Poster, I don't mean to be insensitive to your feelings. I would advise if you still want to stay, look away from your husband's phone so you don't see those chats. To avoid triggering the BP. You should find a way to get your husband to agree on IVF. If he comes around to love the child, good. If he does not, good radiance to bad rubbish. On the other hand, gently move on with your life as this is best for you.
ReplyDeletePoster, what are you gaining from the marriage that made you stay till now? I'm sure there is something like a big gbola with great sex(even though it is an empty gbola 🤣) or plenty money.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe a woman without kids and the man has fertility issues plus shitty behavior will remain till now and be writing chronicle
THIS is exactly what im saying...there is no way anyone would be so stupid! Come back and tell us the full story!
DeleteWomen who did us this madness. See what you are going through for nothing. okay continue asking questions still that same family start mocking you.
ReplyDeleteYou better move on and take charge of your life. If you were the one with infertility issues he will have thrown you away since. What exactly are you benefitting from the marriage? This man cheats on you and causes you pain.
ReplyDeletePlease move on so another man can see to marry you and give you belle
Abeg make una live the poster. She no wan leave the marriage. She dey find who go tell her stay.
ReplyDeleteI never tell a married woman to leave her marriage but based on this chronicle; my sister divorce this man!
ReplyDeleteWhat is the need of snooping when you will not take action. Why increase your HBP by snooping when you know you are not ready to leave the marriage or relationship
ReplyDeleteTTC is not for small minds. It takes God and geniniue love to be TTC and still stay focused. It has a way of robbing a once vibrant, loving and caring soul his or her peace. Imagine the generalization that divorcees face stigma lol. This statement is one of statements of those who have lost their self worth. That man is going through pains of infertility. . Shouting and quarelling has not helped you and will not help you. If you still want to stay in that marriage. Approach him with geniniue love. Reassure him of your love despite what you people are going through.. Focus on your IVF journey. All will be well
🙄🙄🙄🙄. She should reassure a wicked, cheating, sterile husband of her love? E be like say Stella suppose ban u from advising people sha 😂
DeleteHis mother does not love you one bit...She's being kind to you because her son can not father a child take this to the bank...Naija mother inlaw hardly love a ttc woman,the way they treat majority of them is questionable
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing to hold on to in this marriage! No respect, no loyalty, chronically infertile husband etc. No go kill yourself. Do you have a job or business that can cater to your needs? Do you have a family? Forget the divorcee tag. Move, heal, refresh and restart. A lot of mothers whose sons have less to offer the wives are usually loving and kind to the wives.
ReplyDeleteYou believe he doesn’t sleep with them because he can’t look a woman face to face but he is sleeping with you abi! The same way he sleeps with you is same way he sleeps with them woman, stop this pity party and move on, soon one of those ladies will dash him a child that isn’t his I bet you him and his mother will openly accept that child
ReplyDeleteMoooove oonn and dont ever look back .Thank God no child between u two . Yout happiness and peace of kind matter. No children between u yet and he is doing this???
ReplyDeleteIf u were the infertile one he would habe impregnated one of them by now
ReplyDeleteMadam, I am a living example. My exhusband had fertility problems too and he was a serial cheat and beats me on top. I planned my exit carefully. You need to put your finances in order. File for a divorce ,get a nice self contain apartment in a good area , dress nice and go out. I am now remarried with 2 children. Women have limited fertility period. Act now, act fast. Dump his ass.
ReplyDeleteTime wait for no one and people will always talk. Do you and be happy cos you only live once.✌️
ReplyDeleteI am not one to tell anyone to leave their marriage but pls for your sanity do what makes you happy. DEPRESSION IS REAL AND IT CONSUMES.
ReplyDeleteHmmm
ReplyDeleteHow na? This can't be me. Na one time I go step out amd move on like nothing happened.
Naaaaaa, on 2nd thoughts, this person is not serious. You are thinking of what your family will say? What about your happiness, your future, the children you want? The kind of home you want? That doesnt matter?
ReplyDeleteWhat matter's is what society says?
Ok, so when they gossip about you what will happen?
You will lie down and die?
Ok, stay like that na. Abi?
Poster Trust me...People are already talking. They are talking about you and your cheating husband. People know...the difference is you think they don't.
ReplyDeleteMadam na you wear the shoe so suit yourself
ReplyDeleteIf you eventually kill the man out of bottled emotion na you sabi
ReplyDeletePoster forget about his mother begging you cos if the table was turned the mother will never be supportive. She is only supporting cos the problem is coming from her son else should have gotten him a second wife.
ReplyDeleteMove out of this marriage since your husband is not saying anything about his present condition
Poster. Sorry to ready your story. It sounds like you really love this man. And he is not returning your love.
ReplyDeleteThe options are whether to remain in your marriage or leave. The decision is yours poster. Do what you can live with. It is your life , you want to look back 10 - 20 years later and be happy with your decision.
Poster you don't love yourself at all, you've endured enough for a man who don't even regard or value you.
ReplyDeletePlease moveeee on .
Babes do you know that philandering male gospel artist whose wife os TTCing? Her husband went out and had children and not caring what the world thinks. I wish she left him and tried with somebody else. She's stuck with him....i really feel for her
ReplyDelete