1. Gender equality is a myth, even when it’s politically possible it’s biologically unattainable. It’s still a man’s world even in the West. Two people engage in s*x but only one bears the biological responsibility of pregnancy/nurturing in all mammals, the other can only help (mostly financially).
2. Sleeping with a man who did not profess love means you traded the emotional support that may arise should pregnancy occur. You cannot eat your cake and have it. Men are typically the hunters. When you become the hunter and trap one, bear the results as It portrays you as having a low sense of worth, lacking in self control like the man or greedy and calculating Unprotected s#x with a man who never told you he loves you, resulting in a baby is a marathon, journey not worth it. I speak as a woman to women only.
3. Babymama phenom was from the black🇺🇸 ghetto, was amplified by 🇺🇸celebs who escaped the ghetto poverty with talents in sports or music and had more money than self control. It has become a widely “glamorized” source of “soft life” BUT it is due to slavery, Jim Crow, when many black 🇺🇸males were jailed for minor offenses leading to a shortage of eligible males in the black community. This made the decent ones the “prize” to some black females with low education and low earning potential. Tying such a man with a baby was seen as a tangible “investment” with income for at least 18 years.
4. After knowingly allowing a man to have unprotected s*x with you (except rape or last minute altar jilting), stop trapping them with pregnancy by telling them when it’s too late instead of using plan b or whatever. If it takes two to have s#x, it should take two to DECIDE to bring a WHOLE human being into this world. Otherwise bear the outcome with dignity, grace and gratitude. Judges compel financial support but cannot compel emotional support. Ladies, a man needs to CONSENT or WANT to be a dad to be more intentional as a parent unlike us.
There is a reason women of my generation were raised to be careful and dignified with our feminine assets. You solely decide you want a kid (sex is not equal kid, plan b and other ways exist) but after making a sole decision you want the man to adjust his dreams forever?
There is a reason women of my generation were raised to be careful and dignified with our feminine assets. You solely decide you want a kid (sex is not equal kid, plan b and other ways exist) but after making a sole decision you want the man to adjust his dreams forever?
From outside in, this man’s late son was the only one he actually “desired”, he lived with the mom, was there, excited at birth etc. no fight to do dna or argument on whether it’s his or not. He was so happy to carry the baby. That should be every woman’s desire. To have a baby for a man who is happy YOU have his baby!
Trapping a 21 year old as a 29 year old isn’t smart in the long run.
5. If you truly love this woman, let her know that MANY married women pay a lot of the financial & emotional bills of children EVEN in marriage so she needs to stop acting as if two range rovers, designer purses, school fees, vacation tickets etc and monthly allowance in the millions is not enough to raise one child. You cheated your child the day you chose to “trap” or “force” her on a barely adult man who was emotionally unprepared.
6. No baby mama is entitled to a man’s sweat or $ except child support money. Lavish birthday parties don’t imply love or absence of it and posting on SM means nothing else those celebs with the most “friends” who commit suicide will not do so! You can’t force another to use your budget and forecast. If the dead child was hers, will she want to throw a huge party for another child so soon? Talk of being tone deaf, entitled and insensitive.
7. Gratitude and contentment not competition is very important & many women who will give the world to have a man who seems to have at least up until his loss been so publicly generous. He didn’t consent to fatherhood, you thrust it on him (if a woman doesn’t want a baby, it will not happen), be grateful, raise the kid and move on.
Finally, the association of woke women of questionable morality cheering her on need to pause and call her to order. If she is like this publicly, what is she capable of privately, when nobody but God is watching!
From the comment section of a post on SDK Blog
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ReplyDeletei love this write up. This whole forcing children on a man trying to trap him is actually getting old. Most times it even adds pressure if he is married. Being a babymama in itself is not easy, do not add to it by fighting an already lost battle. If only she knew what a truly dead beat dad is. She is greedy, insensitive and extremely entitled. He could have denied the pregnancy but he didnt. Seriously though how many 21 year old men, heck even 35 year old men will jump at accepting a forced pregnancy. Yes it takes two to tango but as the writer said, na we the women dey carry the load (children are a Blessing from GOD and mine is my greatest) but lets think for a moment. Its our lives that are paused for a while. We go through the different emotions, during pregnancy and even after child birth. I think we as women need to be smarter. Ps. Im a baby mama. So i am talking from experience.
ReplyDeleteSomeone wrote a whole book on Sofia Momodu. Butler shades here and there.
ReplyDeleteI just used her as an example since she is trending for the reasons outlined… as SDK said, it’s for all young ladies to read and hopefully learn from.
DeleteHmmmm
ReplyDeleteThe girl is ungrateful.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteI hope all the intending baby mamas will read this and change their minds.
ReplyDelete@Sophia, if you try that shit you've been ranting about, even Imade will be very mad at you.
If i were a man and i didnt want a baby with a woman because i wasn't ready or i don't see her as the mother of my child, i would make if very clear to her form the onset. I would also insist on using protection or ensure she is on the pills since we may decide we like sex better without the condom. If after all that,she still gets pregnant, we will terminate that pregnancy, especially if she deliberately did whatever women do to get pregnant. If she insist on keeping the pregnancy, depending on my state of mind at that time, i will support financially but she shouldn't expect me to be a 100% for her. I dont support any woman foisting a child on an unwilling father because the child will be the one to suffer for it ultimately.
ReplyDeletetoo much sense opor opor!!!!
ReplyDeleteNice advice but na only Sophia knows exactly what's she is going through.
ReplyDeleteI have seen so many cases of men still wanting to sleep with their ex wife or babymama so they will be faithful in their child support and the moment the women stops or not available for such arrangements,they take it upon the child/children.
As a female,lady,woman just have your own money,it stops alot of bullshit.
Why will a grown woman and a mother allow her child’s father to sleep with, in other to be faithful in paying child support??
Delete15:05, it's called blackmail and people use it when they know you have no other option or want them in the children's lives. It's about control especially if the other parent doesn't know his/her rights, the system that would support their actions doesn't exist, or they just want peace. Men and women do it. In the US, we have cases of men who killed the women for standing up for themselves or even saying no to sex, despite the man being married to another woman. My office had two such cases today. This job is really depressing 😮💨
DeleteAnon 15:05, it called being power drunk, when you have money and want control over everyone around you, some baby mamas accept, knowing they can't give the child the quality of life the father can.
DeleteThis makes them angry and bitter when he starts flaunting his real queen. I like Davido but this is totally something he can do, if he is innocent of this allegation laid by Sophia's sister, let him say so.
You couldn't have said it better
ReplyDelete. Potential Sofis, una dey hear?
Thanks Stella for publishing my comment🙏🏾 Sorry for the typos, I was trying to fit a lot of points in. I have read this blog for over a decade and comment anonymously on a regular basis.
ReplyDeleteWords of wisdom.
ReplyDeleteNice write up. A word is enough for the ...
ReplyDeleteyou have written well. i wonder where our values as ladies have gone. when ladies used to walk with their shoulders high, priding their virginity, integrity and hardwork. if you sell yourself cheap as a lady, you will be treated cheap.
ReplyDeleteyoung ladies, you can do better. you can be successful, set your priority, life on social media is false, don't let it be your yardstick. you don't announce success, it announces itself.
work hard and ensure you are also successful in your career or sphere of influence. marriage is hard work, how much more single life. when you are successful, your in laws and husband will respect you, take this to the bank. my mother in law and sister in laws know the kind of rubbish they dare not bring to my doorstep. we respect each other. my husband knows I'm an asset (to the glory of God) and we both respect each other. please stop glorying in this baby mama thing.
there is no glory in being a baby mama.
U made alot of sense ma'am
ReplyDeleteBaby mama tag is so derogatory to me
No woman shld bear that degrading name with pride.
Always opt for the full package and nothing less
Wife makes alot if sense
Baby mama tag na rubbish
Some women just want a kid
ReplyDeleteVery pertinent information. I want to add this however: if your baby daddy is a narcissist and a financial bully who wants to have his way with you whenever he wants , your own don finish! Have your own, ladies! Sometimes you will have to drop your ego and be in the good books of madam of the house for the interest of your child, if he has married and loves his wife a lot. Yes o! Two of Diamond Platnumz's baby mamas , Hamisa and the Kenyan girl Tanasha became friends like that because Hamisa who was co-parenting peacefully,convinced him to pay small child support to the Kenyan babymama.
ReplyDeleteIt is not only baby mamas. I’m divorced and my ex is dating and now married. The wife had nothing to do with our divorce whatsoever. We are very cordial as my kids goes to spend time with their father and she is the one left to take care of them.I usually thank her cos I know the stress of handling young kids, I’m usually grateful when it is weekend and they are gone so I cannot but thank the person sharing the stress with me lol. As one writer said, no need fighting a lost battle. We actually found ourselves becoming friends discussing everything under the sun except the man that connects us. We usually rides together when I go pick up the kids and she wants a ride. I feel no jealousy nor animosity as I didn’t find my happiness there , it may work her. We chat non stop and even does business together but I steer clear of discussing my ex and her husband. I have my own life. Sophia cannot continue showing animosity and disrespect toward Chioma and hope to be in good term and co-parent peacefully with Davido. She better face it that Chioma is her child’s stepmother. What belongs to David belongs to Chioma.
DeleteThank you anonymous 16:45
DeleteAnon 14:57
DeleteHamisa did what?
False information
Diamond publicly dated the Kenyan girl and not Hamissa.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
None of us are in her shoes to know how they get along. Using Yuls case, I have seen vapid girls comment with heart ❤️ when reading his words praising judy. If those one can get wet just from a sentence, do you know what davido tells the Sophie? Then tells the other baby mamas?
ReplyDeleteAnd as for age gap, age isn't maturity a lot of mid thirties people act, talk and dress like teenagers with no deep self reflection. A matured man with grey hair stole a mace without feeling ashamed. Another man almost 60 was caught physically doing a bypass rather than pay his bills. Age is not maturity.
I say free them, let their families settle them. The way of a man with a woman is so mysterious
I think so too, if David is maltreating her in any way, let her go and report to his family, online in-laws can only do so much, besides David's fans are more than her own.
DeleteWhat of women in their marriages who are actually baby mamas? They do everything and can't even complain because they want to save face. And if it's about Sophie, please leave that woman alone. All four of Davido's women including Chioma were baby mamas before he married Chioma and the fact that Chioma is the quintessential pretentious female who wouldn't say anything doesn't mean that she's better or happier; heck she has no life or identity independent of a man and from her teens to her twenties she has been with a man who has publicly dated other women and humiliated her by cheating shamelessly. What we should be advocating is better child support, training men to be disciplined and decent. The fact that Sophie rants occasionally and the Chioma army wants to vilify her doesn't mean she's very sad. She might just rant and move on with her fabulous life. Heck, there are men willing to offer emotional and financial support to her and at least she can still fantasize about a loving husband. But you see those women that are married but single, splitting bills, doing all the house chores, keeping silent at infidelity and emotional abuse and still have to keep up appearance of a happy home, those also deserve our pity. What we really should be writing about is trying to understand a world where undisciplined men like 2face and Davido became a prize and low self-esteemed women like Annie and Chioma became any form of model to the younger generation. To summarize, men like 2face, Davido etc. who refuse to grow up, bank on society always shaming the woman to get away with rubbish either hurting their baby mamas and hiding behind their wives or hurting their wives and hiding behind their baby mamas and society with rhetoric's like 'I'm not a saint, I'm human, etc...' then unnecessary grandiose display of affection for a few months before going back to their philandering ways.
ReplyDeleteWhat you describe here is typical narcissistic behavior. Some women have really been through a lot.
DeleteThat a woman isn’t in instagram making a show of herself doesn’t mean she is not handling her issues. And ranting on instagram to provide entertainment does not change anything. Yes Chioma is a role model because she does not bring her family issues on instagram. Whatever decision she chose to take concerning her cheating husband is absolutely hers and hers alone. I personally hate talkative and complainants without actions. Bringing family issue on instagram only makes issues worse, wise women know that and that’s while we applaud Chioma. Davido is not a price and you girls keep fighting to go there hoping his wife will leave. How does that sound to you? Davido and most men are philanderer, they just want to enjoy sex, sex alone,enjoy sex with them if you consent but if you decide to get pregnant and keep the baby, please take the responsibility. Sex is not equal to baby. Women take care of your body and baby. Women don’t get pregnant and keep it except if they want a baby, Men should also have such privilege. Let them consent to wanting and having a baby with you. I’m emotionally prepared for motherhood yet it is this tough, how much more for very young persons. Davido don’t have emotional support she is looking for. Let her get a man who will give her the support.
DeleteDoes Sophia fall into this category?
DeleteThere are single mothers truly going through it?
If your baby daddy spoils you with a car, an apartment and so forth then once in a while misses his payment, she can understand with him. Alternatively she can go to court, let the judges decide but they may give her a lower child support than she was getting.
Let her be smart about this. I made is still young and need both parents.
Leave Chioma alone, she chose what she chose.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
I sha don’t like that narrative of “using a baby to trap a man.” If a man doesn’t want a baby use condom or get a vasectomy, if you have unprotected sex with a woman you should be ready for it sorry.
ReplyDeleteHow is Tu face and Davido a prize, if those two try flirting with me, I will consider it an insult. They can only attract shallow women and women with low self esteem. Not everything is about money. Our societal values have been grossly eroded cos of poverty.
ReplyDeleteI love this, I wish our young girls can see this to read, it will help them a lot.
ReplyDelete