Hmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED
I am currently staying with my two nieces.
My immediate younger sisters daughter (19). She started staying with me in December last year. I got a job for her as a playgroup teacher in a private school very close to my house. .
I also enrolled her for waec and jamb as her last waec was bad. She wrote her first and second waec before coming to stay with me.
My last sister's daughter (10) she came last December too. I enrolled her in the same school the first girl is teaching. Last night the second girls mum called to say her daughter reported to her that the first girl borrowed money from her and refused to pay.
My last sister's daughter (10) she came last December too. I enrolled her in the same school the first girl is teaching. Last night the second girls mum called to say her daughter reported to her that the first girl borrowed money from her and refused to pay.
Told her I will confirm.
I got home from work and asked the little girl she said it's true but aunty asked her not to tell me . I called the second girl and she denied till the little girl pointed the times and what she used it for (buy recharge cards, made her hair and bought biscuits/minerals in school).
She then agreed to collecting money from her but said she has paid part remaining N500.00. This second girl is teaching. She earns salary. By God's grace I provide all her basic needs gives her money to make hair. I have never asked her how much she is being paid. I make sure they eat three times daily even though it might not be quality food.
When she agreed to borrowing money from the small girl. I was mad. How will you borrow money from a small girl to do the same hair I gave you money for. Where did the girl get the money you are borrowing because I warned the mum never to give her money as I always make sure she has biscuits and small drinks at home.
The small girl later told me she normally collects money from my bag and she is saving it. The first girl knows she collects money from my bag. How can you be this wicked to a small girl. Even if you see her with money. Why not caution her or report her to me for stealing. You had the mind to be borrowing the money. I intend calling the mum to report her.
Please someone should suggest the best approach to this issue. Both are my niece. I am very close to their mothers. We don't hide things from each other . I am separated for 7yrs now. No child. Living with two of them.
First off...Do not report them to their mums and warn them to let the matter die cos this will set both girls on war path in your home and you dont want that...Both of them are wrong and even the little who steals is worse, make sure you lock your room henceforth cos she will grow up to steal more...she enterted your house as a thief...why are you blaming the bigger one? She didnt want to report the smaller and maybe started borrowing from her for a reason....sebi you sabi thief?Go and thief more!
Please settle the matter in house so that you can also start winning the trust of both girls...if they report to their mums, just tell the mums you will handle it and dont let the matter blow.You need to watch out for the small one...stealing is a bigger crime than borrowing from a thief...
I hope that you are not too busy for these girls?before they will end up pregnant right under your nose!
She didn't collect money from your bag. She stole it. Say it the way it is. Where did she learn that? You sure she doesn't do this outside?? Please sit her down, and talk to her. I don't think you should report to her mum. If she continues with this bad habit, then report her to her mum.
ReplyDeleteone...stealing is a bigger crime than borrowing from a thief... lol
ReplyDeleteThe most complex B
Poster can you still get pregnant? If yes please give birth and train your child the way you want. If no please adopt a child and train him/her the way you want. As for your nieces they don’t see you as their mum especially the adult one she’s wicked and dubious. This kind of girl will join outsiders to do you shege. If I’m you I’d rather forgive the 10yrs girl than to forgive the other one. In short if I’m you I will send both of them back to their parents. Don’t forget to get your own child oo, nkem bu nkem, nke anyi bu nke anyi.
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
What a horrible advice from a horrible person. God have mercy on you.
DeleteIf she come adopt the one wey go worse, what will be your advise then? You think adoption process is easy? Or you think she can just work into any orphanage and collect a child there. Adoption centres are careful of people like you fan that may return the children if they have any problems with them. You think you know how life plays out. Having children doesnt guarantee anything, most of the women running from church to church for prayers are mothers so having children doesnt mean you will be immune to life's other issues.
DeleteI agree with you that if she wants a child she should get hers
DeleteIt’s your child it’s your child it’s until the child grows up and can benefit someone then they say it’s theirs
How una dey get money inside bag and person remove from it and u no go know?
DeleteEven if u remove the lowest denomination in my purse I go know!
I want to be like you when I grow up
Pls follow sdk's advice. It's an in-house matter. And you are the guardian. So deal with it by yourself.
ReplyDeleteMay God give you the wisdom on how to be a great influence on this two. If you are a christian you can get scriptures especially from proverbs and make sure you say it to them often with the consequences.
So they know you agree with the scripture even though you didn't say it. But life principles. If they don't follow it, the consequences are dire.
Ole gbe, ole gba
ReplyDelete1 of the reason I will never accommodate anyone in my home again.
You can never please them,even when you go out of your way to satisfy them.
My half brother and sister show me
Shege promax, I have washed my hands off them. Make I focus train my own children
Wahala o
ReplyDeleteYou need to sit both of them down and correct, make them know that what both did wrong and should never repeat itself
Gifty
If I say send both of them away now it might sound mean. A 10yr old is stealing and you see nothing wrong with it? The big one too is greedy. Send them both to their parents. They need to go learn the hard way. Imagine having a job and still stealing and borrowing. Bigger problem lies ahead. Send them away to go learn a lesson out there. Na comfort dey make them misbehave.
ReplyDeleteBoth of them are at fault here, and she didn't collect money from your bag ,she stole it, you have to be firm in your approach even if you're not going to tell the parents. Make sure you punish them accordingly
ReplyDeleteStella what do you mean by why is poster blaming the older girl? Is the 19 year old not supposed to caution the 10 year old against stealing instead of encouraging her to do more. I just tire for this your blue ink most times.
ReplyDeletePoster it might serve you well to send that 19 year old back home. Like Fan Emmanuel said, she will join outsiders to do you shege, she’s not a good girl at all. Imagine collecting the money that her younger sister is stealing from you?!
Tor. Not that she’s not aware of where the small girl is getting the money from, she clearly knows. Very dangerous girl
DeleteFan Emmanuel
The comment weak me o. Why on earth isnt she to blame? She's collecting stolen money means one oday one day she too will steal it. Darling poster. Brace up for more. If you cant brace up, let them both go stylishly. Because truth be told? They wont change. And if care isnt taken, they will make the relationship between you and their parents go sour.
DeleteHmmmnn I think pregnancies are probably the least of your worries ooo. You've got hardened girls in your hands ooo.
ReplyDeleteNawhooo, please treat them as if they were your kids what will you do to them. As long as they are under your custody they are fully your responsible. Put eyes on the younger one cos na so thief they start.
ReplyDeleteSince the small girl called her mom to report that the first girl borrowed money from her, it's better you tell her mom how the girl got the money so she can counsel and talk to her.
ReplyDeleteCaution the first girl very well so she won't try it next time.
Exactly, after, send them back, their characters have formed, you can only advice at this point.
DeleteThere's nothing wrong with asking the older one how much she is being paid. it means there's no adequate communication between you. Also caution the little one about taking money from your bag, that's wrong. Try to resolve the issue even if it means involving your sisters. Let everyone know their place. In the end, you're still family
ReplyDeleteDeHeroine.
I would tell their mothers
ReplyDeleteWe don’t hide things from each other as sisters
I understand why you may want to keep it secret for you have a relationship with your sisters that transcends these two. If your sisters don’t tend to overreact then tell them
But first why are these girls with you? Do you need the company? Or is it for education ? I think especially the ten year old should be with her parents
My family didn’t have good experience with taking cousins in. I prefer you train them from their parents house
Truly . Train them from their parents house.
DeleteSend them away and face your life! Nobody can take care of another person child be it a relative and get thanks.
ReplyDeletePoster, like your peace and SEND THEM BOTH BACK TO THEIR PARENTS
DeletePoster, like your peace and SEND THEM BOTH BACK TO THEIR PARENTS
DeleteAnyone who will lie, will steal, will kill.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't possess the ability to positively influence and mentor those children, do them good by returning them to their parents and simply provide the financial support for their parents to raise them.
Parenting is a technical skill and yes, not every person possesses it, so you shouldn't feel bad if you can't raise these teenage kids especially since this is the hardest phase in parenting.
And please don't sugarcoat stealing as taking. - that's weak!
Poster tell their mum you'll be blamed later if you don't. You see this keeping family at home ehn na error.
ReplyDeleteThis has happened to a friend of mine before. The mother of the 10 year old called to make a report about borrowing money... You didn't tell us how much was stolen. Why didn't her mother ask her where she got the money from. There is every possibility she sends the money she steals to her mum... Adopt a child, the process is tedious but start already... Teach responsibility to the 19 year old stop giving her money if her salary can cover her necessities. It will shock you that the children are funding their respective homes with your money. Do not use your hand to bring misery on your head.
ReplyDeleteAnon 17:12. Why do you and Fan Emmanuel think that adoption is the answer to her issues? Have you not heard of adopted kids that also turn out to be monsters??
DeleteThere is nothing wrong with helping to train and bring up your relatives, no matter now bad they are. She is trying to be of help to her sisters and form a bond with children. When she gives birth or adopts, will she not need the help of relatives as well?
Poster, you are doing a noble thing. This matter requires wisdom. Both girls have already formed their characters. And you have to realize that it will be hard to change them - not possible. It is left for you to treat them gently to get to learn more and more about their character. You also have to teach them, with love. No one is above changing. Also read the Bible and pray with them, all with love and patience.
Love breaks down barriers, even the strongest ones.
You have to put your house in order. None of what is happening is your fault, it is a reflection of the households they came from. They need remedial moral instruction. As you appear to have a good heart and want to do well for your loved ones and open opportunities for them, I would suggest you continue to do so. The younger child steals and the older agrees with the stealing despite all you do for them. I never like it when young children become overly concerned with and interested in money, on top of it these are two girls.
ReplyDeleteI honestly believe you will have to involve their mothers. The last thing you want on your head is the narrative that these sisters sent their 'good' children to your home and contact with you made them bad. Please involve their mothers and let your sisters know you are very concerned about this and you have no desire to become a prisoner in your home having to hide every and anything around you, especially when all their needs are being met and they want for nothing. Place a timeline to the length of their stay, if you will support the older one until she retake her exams, then do that and when her results are in you can send her back home where she can develop herself from there, as she will have hopefully improved results and work experience under her belt. You will have to decide how long you will keep the 10 yr old for. Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best. It is always disappointing when you do everything you think is right to alleviate needs and wants and still those around do foul things.
Well said all round
DeleteYou had better tell their mums. They’re your sisters and more importantly, their mothers.
ReplyDeleteThe older girl definitely has something she is using the money for. Probably outings and a few vain things. 19 or not, she is still a teenager and will do stupid things once in a while.
The small gbewiri, sit her down and tell calmly her that taking things that aren’t hers is stealing and the next time she does it, you will punish her severely. Let her know that as a child of God, stealing is a big sin. Give her examples of people who have disgraced themselves from having sticky fingers, some even lynched. Make her promise you that she will never steal again. Also tell her that you may say no sometimes, but she should never be afraid to ask or talk to you. That’s you’re her big mummy and have her best interest at heart. Tell her that you’ll have to tell her mum but you’ll tell her mum not to punish her.
For the 19 year old agbaya, take her out to see a movie or dinner. Then ask her when you’re out and away from the gbewiri what she was using the money to do. Talk to her about carrying herself with dignity and how it’s very bad that a 10 year old she is supposed to even train, she’s collecting money from her. Also let her know that life has stages and she should forget what she sees on social media. That her focus for now should be on passing her exams so she can actually build a better life for herself because she has the potential for greatness. Explain to her how more is expected from her and how you’re not happy with the secrets she’s keeping. Then give her like 3k or a reasonable amount (depending on your pocket), and say she should use it to supplement what she has. Also tell her that you may say no sometimes but she should feel free to confide if you when she needs things or wants to go out.
Then when you get home, call both girls together, thank them for being good girls. Express that you love and trust them, that they’re sisters and should live in love. Tell them that you’re not happy with what they did but you have forgiven them because you trust them that they won’t do it again.
One day when both aren’t home, search their things thoroughly. If they have phones, find a way to check it very well. Just to be sure that there isn’t much more than what has happened.
Lastly, may the almighty God bless you abundantly for training two beautiful girls in this economy. You will never know lack or sadness. Amen.
Search bags and phone. We go soon hear say that na invasion of privacy (truly it is for the 19yr old) But when an adult behaves as a child, that person deserves a child 's treatment.
DeleteAbeg this small tif the girl did some of you are ready to condemn her
ReplyDeleteSomethings many did got corrected and stopped
Small thief u say??? That's how it starts. From small thief I turned into a professional thief. This cost me my job. Abeg thou shall not steal o. No thief o. I dey beg una. Thief no good.
DeleteWell, you have a point. If the level of corruption in the country is any indicator it is obvious that thievery is widespread at all levels.
Delete18:59 tif is not good
DeleteCorrect her. She’s just ten
Someone even said she will steal lie and kill
Na wa oh
For the Ist time in my life,I have run out of advice.
ReplyDeleteNigerian internet,thank you for letting me back to this blog.I really missed commenting.Onyiilove()
Is good to do good but the good that one will do and later they will accuse you of spoiling their children is better to do away with it,human being are not easy to please as they have started thief thief ,both of them it may not be good .
ReplyDeletePoster if they are your children what will do. Do not think that your own children can not do worse than that. Handle it as if they are your biological children. May God helps us mother's to raise our kids right.
ReplyDeleteWow. The girl is stealing from your bag? You not only need to lock your door, but you need to instil discipline..this is very bad
ReplyDeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteYou have gotten some good advise already.
My own advise is this , go and adopt a child that you will call your own. Now is the time. Helping family and friends is good oh, but they will all return to their parents in due time.
Think of your future as well. Adopt a baby girl and train her. Don't delay please.
Much love.
Adopt only when you have a release in your spirit to do so, do everything prayerfully, till then send them back and get a pet animal you can train and manage
Delete