Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmmm...

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
LEAVING TO LIVE BUT STILL STUCK

I don’t even know how to start this… Maybe because I’m still trying to understand how I got here.

 I was married. To a man I truly believed was my soulmate, like the one the heavens handpicked just for me. We lived apart most of the time because of his job and constant transfers. I stayed faithful, We built a house in my location and decided it was best for me to stay in one place while he traveled and visited regularly.

We did several investments his 70% while mine was 30,% but everything was in his name. I thought we were building a life together We were trying to conceive for six painful years. 

Every year just brought more disappointment and tears. Eventually, I gave up my job and moved to his location, thinking maybe, just maybe being apart was the reason we weren’t conceiving. I was desperate to hold our child.

But that move? It shattered me.

He changed. He became cold. Distant. Emotionally and physically violent. I barely recognized the man I married. Then he turned his people against me, his siblings, his friends. He cut me off from my family too. I was alone. Not just lonely. alone in the deepest sense of the word.
I gave in excuses for him. I tried daily to be a better person maybe all his actions was because of TTC. I.lost myself just to be with him.

One day, after the normal beating, I took myself to the hospital, I was there for two days, He called once and never came to see me. From that hospital I took a bus to my sister’s house. 

He called the next morning, when I said I was in my sisters house, he hung the phone Until a week later, he called, cold and commanding: "Come back, or forget the marriage."

I was already broken. Jobless. Childless. Numb. Nothing felt worth it anymore. My sisters rallied around me, made sure I took my meds, watched me like a hawk. They were scared I might end my life. Truth is… I was scared too.

Six months later, I heard from a friend of his that he remarried. Just like that. Traditionally. Moved on. It stung so deep I couldn’t even cry. But I picked myself up, slowly. Somehow. 

A year later, his people came crawling back, asking me to return. The new wife had cut them off from their golden boy. Then he came too, with apologies and stories and promises. For a whole year, he chased. But I had nothing left to give.

Now… it’s been eight years.
I’ve rebuilt parts of my life. Brushed up my CV, got another job, earned more qualifications. But my heart? It still feels like it's wrapped in glass, cracked, but somehow still holding together. I haven’t dated anyone since I left. I’ve prayed, fasted, sown seeds, cried out to God more times than I can count.

And yet… I’m still here.

Why? What am I not doing right? I don’t want him back. God knows I don’t but I also don’t know how to fully move forward. I feel stuck. Like time moved on, but I didn’t....

First off, I am proud that you left him and refused to go back...take a tight hug from me!

8 years is a long time not to have moved on... I dont know why you are still where you are but you need to give someone else a chance...Please do!!!

I wish you all the best...