SAD STORY
Consider the scenario where one pays to maintain a relationship.....
I am sincerely concerned about a close friend of mine who may end up in the hospital due to unforeseen circumstances.
He has invested significantly in a woman he is not married to. How can one justify sponsoring a woman's education when they are not married or committed?
Who supports a woman financially, including funding her university education, without a long-term commitment?
Now that she is gaining clarity, her enthusiasm for the relationship seems to be waning, and he is complaining.
He is attempting to pressure her into marriage, giving her ultimatums. She has been employing a survival strategy with him, and now that he is gaining insight, she must continue to feign affection.
What advice can I offer him in this situation?
Money cannot buy love at all and if he succeeds in confusing her to marry him, the union will not be happy at all...Tell your friend to forget about her and move on for his mental health oh.......It is really sad but only the truth must be told to him at this stage......
There was a time it was in the news of a guy who unalifed the lady he sent to school cos she wanted to move on after she graduated but he ended it for her.......
The advice you can give him is to tell him not to pressure her into marriage. It will be hell for both of them.
ReplyDeleteA relationship like that can't survive.
ReplyDeleteWhat happened to her family that he decided to train her?
Was there ever an agreement that they'll get married?
Now you know she is using him, tell him before it is too late.
He should stop sponsoring her cos when the chips are down, she will tell him she didn't force him to sponsor her.
It can and does survive
DeleteHmmmm......move on
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy but just try.
what other advice or truth here than to spill it just the way you have said it, the truth is bitter but that is the only thing that will set him free. He should never force her into marriage, marriage is not child's play at all. Anyone who is not ready to be with you please never force them into marriage. If he force her into marriage, what he is passing through now is little compared to what is coming to him soon.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that some people are still stupid with training a girl who is not their wife. You just did charity work.
Let this notion be done away with once and for all.
ReplyDeleteHe was dumb enough to train her in school without any form of 'commitment' abi? Pray tell, what is commitment? Did your friend explicitly tell the lady that he has plans to settle down with her in the future? Was that relationship clearly defined? That a man trained a woman in school is not sufficient ground to expect marriage from her.
Your friend can only feel grief if throughout the time he was training that lady in school, he never slept with her. If he has, then the lady owes him nothing. He needs to shove it with his needless bellyaching.
How do you like your drink served?
DeleteMen please marry a woman first before making any form of commitment, most especially money. Arguably, some women get tired of a man who love them more easily. It is actually better for a woman to love you more than you love her.
ReplyDeleteStella nailed it.
The guy could get killed by food poison if the lady marries him against her will.
DeleteBtw, Naija men should learn to help women with no strings attached.
Men please marry a woman first before making any form of commitment, most especially money. Arguably, some women get tired of a man who love them more easily. It is actually better for a woman to love you more than you love her.
ReplyDeleteStella nailed it.
You no Wan marry man bet.you allowed him sponsor you through school no be juju be that . Let him calculate all his expenses plus interest let her intended husband pay .or she pays when she starts working let him draw up an agreement o with lawyer. Or he counts his losses move on and learn from it . Pele okomi.
ReplyDeleteHere we go again !!
ReplyDeleteLet him not kill himself or her o
I wish everyone had this mindset like I did, that not all relationships must end in marriage, no matter how much you have invested in it.
I feel like the ability to be able move on when a relationship hit the rocks is a miracle.
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeleteThis is an investment gone wrong. Do people still do this thing? You can't force love on anyone...he should face reality that the lady will not marry him because her eyes are wide open....Why do this hoping she will marry you, that's coercion....
Ladies learn to spell things out...You can't enjoy someone's money then do a 360 degree on them....If you ain't interested, just cut them off...
It's heartbreaking but the earlier he accepts the truth the better.
All the best to him
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeleteThis is an investment gone wrong. Do people still do this thing? You can't force love on anyone...he should face reality that the lady will not marry him because her eyes are wide open....Why do this hoping she will marry you, that's coercion....
Ladies learn to spell things out...You can't enjoy someone's money then do a 360 degree on them....If you ain't interested, just cut them off...
It's heartbreaking but the earlier he accepts the truth the better.
All the best to him
I dated this guy years back and he was talking marriage, he even came to see my people, I had to let him go see folks because this guy put me under a lot of insane pressure.
ReplyDeleteLike!! I don't even know how explain it, he was good to me , did everything for me, whenever we are together I am feeling the love, I think?? But when we are apart everything just goes to shit, I feel pressured, I know I am not ready or maybe he is not the one, I don't even know.
I knew I had to let him go instead of stringing him along, very painful decision, I felt really bad but I am glad I did.
I wish your friend will see this comment, he should move on or give her space, may be she will realize she has a good thing going or not.
That girl is wicked, she knew the marriage won’t be possible but used the guy to achieve what she want. Don’t be surprised she has seen a better offer and decided to let go of this man.
DeleteSadly, there are things in life that only experience can teach you, no advice or threat can help and this is one of such circumstances. You can’t advise ur friend, let him go through the process and learn. After this experience, he won’t fall into same trap again.
ReplyDeletePoster I hope for your friend sake, you are not the one about to give him bad advice and the situation is exactly how you described it up there not how it is in your mind and your own point of view. Please access yourself. I had to say this because there are relationships like that , the lady will be in love but outsiders will be poisoning one partner's mind until they break up. Then they become unhappy and frustrated.
ReplyDeleteyour friend is a good Samaritan. only God can pay him because he helped the poor to achieve her goal of university education.
ReplyDeletelet him have a heart talk with the lady. if it's not working, he should move on
naso life be
Stella I don't blame the guy.
ReplyDeleteThe guy has a good intention. That lady, it's her type that makes some don't wanna offer help. Make some don't wanna give love another chance or trust again.
He has gone far sponsoring her. Since the lady is giving him attitude,he should hold on.
Romance scams are a thing. People marry for papers, a free education under the guise of love, access to connections, money. Romance scams have been happening from the days of arranged marriages when marriages were business arrangements and had nothing to do with love or affection.
ReplyDeleteThe big question is how do you really know someone loves, adores and means you well with all your flaws. We cannot read ppl’s minds and humans are prone to saying what others want to hear and outright lying. Tell your friend if the lady doesn’t want the relationship let her go in peace. My neighbours ex-wife walked out in her pomp and circumstance, she laughed and gallivanted the day she was moving out, she was just so happy. In her mind she was getting free, less than a year later she was calling him asking for them to get back together. He said no and remarried a lovely woman who is so dutiful and treats him like a king. When ppl want to go let them go, do not fight it, there will always be someone else, even a better person who comes along and make the past a distant memory.
Thumbs up.
DeleteTwo bottles of your favourite drinks on me
DeleteWow! Poster na the same table I dey like this now, this guy gisted me everything she did to her including funding for her parents and now the the girl come block her for phone when he was telling me the stories my mouth hang 😳, the girl na my main customer oo I told him that I will talk to her, I don't even know...🙄
ReplyDeleteLet him ask her well
ReplyDeletePeople tend to assume that’s the reason the person doesn’t want again but there could be other things going on
Some of these helpers sef to do. Even helper must be nice .
Anon 17;51 you are very wise.
DeleteIt's hard for a woman to leave a good man.
I have seen a guy sponsor his girlfriend to school, every time the girl demands school fees the guy must sleep with her all night, if he's not in town. She must go to his village and help his mom in the farm and all his siblings will make sure she cleans, washes and fetches firewood. He then calls to confirm that they were satisfied before he can send the fees. The girl endured this for years till she graduated. After graduation, the girl did not marry him but he told everyone that he sent her to school. How was your friends attitude when he was helping the girl? We fail to realize that when we show help to others we must do it in a right way. Not enslaving the other person in the process! Maybe she has her reasons. There are always two sides to a coin!
DeleteYes, in some cases, but in opportunistic cases being good will never matter. The attraction was never there from the start and in some cases they already are involved with someone else and just biding their time to get what they entered for and then move on.
DeleteIn 2025, is this archaic practice still alive? Why pour affection like rain into soil he had no right to farm, then expecting fruit from a tree that never agreed to take root with him? This is a sad one, I can almost feel the pain and betrayal.
ReplyDeleteYour friend mistook charity for courtship and now demands a return on investment from a soul that was never his to buy - misplaced priority. What he called love, she called help; the produce he awaited to harvest, she never pledged. The tragedy isn’t in her choice to move on, but that he gave with strings knotted in hope, and not in a binding deed.
This man must be a fine seed-sower. But does he not know? That love only thrives where it is free, not in receipts and reckonings. As bad and sad as this is, the sooner he unchains himself from this illusion, the better. He is not a victim of apathy. He is a victim of his own assumptions.
Tell him, that love is not a debt, and commitment is not owed like rent. Not all lessons come dressed in fairness; some arrive in callous disbelief. He should mourn the loss, and learn - it won't be easy. But she's waking up, and he must let her go. Before resentment turns his heart into a battleground no human should ever walk into.
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DeleteMen,be very aware, NOTHING YOU DO FOR A WOMAN IS AN INVESTMENT. Know this and know peace.
ReplyDeleteWhy did she allow someone she's not in love with to invest in her that much when she knows she's not in love with him? What a height of wickedness. Me during my younger days I rejected these things from those guys who wouldn't go away even after stating to them that I won't date them. Those phones, outfits, etc.Many times they don't care, they just waybill some stuff and I'll take like two weeks before I'd go and pick them and it's always my roomie that goes to get them for me (because me self dey fear make person no go Jazz me with freebies so that I wouldn't know when I'd fall in-love) I'd first tell them "I hope you are not sending these things hoping that they would motivate me to agree... " Maka ndi uta, so tomorrow nobody would come and claim that I promised them.
ReplyDeleteWhile investing in her didn't he notice that she wasn't really into him? Na wa o .
There are things we do for love
ReplyDeleteWhen In love, make sure all you are doing is for love sake, expecting nothing in return.
If it's transactional, then let your partner know from the onset. You bring this and they bring that. Document if possible.
That being said, I will advise your friend to let her go. Regardless how much he has spent on her. If he forcefully keep her, he might have a very b.ad marriage or she will eventually divorce him to find her happiness.
Meanwhile, what he's acting upon now, seems like fear of losing his " investment" , rather than loosing a true love.
Another will come, a graduate and probably better in all ramifications, if he can just allow the girl go in peace and heal from it.
The statement that "a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage" can not be overemphasized. So long as she's no more contented with you, let her go.
Consider it as charity.
Moreover, alot of people sponsor education of total strangers. We have read Stories like that here.
People they never met and might never meet.
Also, check out the numerous giveaways happening here. Does angel star and other angels including Stella expect anything in return?
If you do nothing, God will fight for you and compensate you. Otherwise, anything you see, you take