Professional dancer Kaffy (Real name Kafayat Oluwatoyin Shafau) has shared a traumatic childhood experience where her mother accused her of having an affair with her (mother’s) boyfriend when she was 13.
Kaffy revealed that her mother dated different men after she divorced her father and she and her siblings were close to the men and even called them “daddies.”
Kaffy revealed that her mother dated different men after she divorced her father and she and her siblings were close to the men and even called them “daddies.”
She explained that her mother, on the other hand, was insecure about their closeness to her boyfriends and was suspecting them of having affair with them behind her back.
Kaffy said
“I was 13 when my mother started suspecting me with her own men. Because of the divorce she had kinds of people. She will have different men she is dating and we will see those men as daddies because we were also missing that father [figure].
“The closer you are to the men, the more she is insecure. And there was a day that I was stripped naked in front of that man in the livingroom and punished for just trying to help ‘daddy’ clean a blood from his face because he was shaving and cut himself. My mother walked into the room when I was saying, ‘Daddy, see.’ And she misinterpreted what was happening and I was flogged naked in front of everyone.
“That had it own traumatising effect on the mind on its own. But then you are thinking, ‘But that’s my mother, would I do that to my mother? Why would my mother even think of that of me, the daughter?’ Are you seeing that transfer of insecurity from mother to child? It’s done subliminally but it’s going to have its own effect,” ...
The dance coach added that her experience made her determined to break free from the “emotional abuse and blackmail” of her parent to become who she is today.
Kaffy said
“I was 13 when my mother started suspecting me with her own men. Because of the divorce she had kinds of people. She will have different men she is dating and we will see those men as daddies because we were also missing that father [figure].
“The closer you are to the men, the more she is insecure. And there was a day that I was stripped naked in front of that man in the livingroom and punished for just trying to help ‘daddy’ clean a blood from his face because he was shaving and cut himself. My mother walked into the room when I was saying, ‘Daddy, see.’ And she misinterpreted what was happening and I was flogged naked in front of everyone.
“That had it own traumatising effect on the mind on its own. But then you are thinking, ‘But that’s my mother, would I do that to my mother? Why would my mother even think of that of me, the daughter?’ Are you seeing that transfer of insecurity from mother to child? It’s done subliminally but it’s going to have its own effect,” ...
The dance coach added that her experience made her determined to break free from the “emotional abuse and blackmail” of her parent to become who she is today.
The Honest Bunch podcast
You've been through a lot
ReplyDeleteMay God strengthen you 🙏
Didn’t think it was necessary bringing the past up for the world to read. Some things are quite private IMO
ReplyDeleteZendaya
As in eeh... I just tire. Podcasts has a way of letting them spit out the darkest secrets, forgetting the aftermath effect. Hia!
DeleteHonestly. The kind of things people say on all these podcasts is too shocking. There are some things that are called secret and should remain so
DeleteThis is why all sorts of abuse thrives in our society. She has every right to speak out. If you dont want your kids to say nasty things about you, treat them better. Why strip your UNDERAGED child to flog her because of a MAN!!! Why not face the man?? Why carry different men up and down as a MOTHER???
DeleteIt's totally unnecessary to bring this to the public. Go for therapy, dear woman.
DeleteIt's hurts had but what has bringing this to the public done for you or anyone ⁉️
It won't stop potential abusers from their dastardly acts including abusive and insecure parents. 🤷🏾♀️
Why does she need to keep it secret for the evil mother. It's her pain and she can share it how she sees fit. The same way you lot share your pictures and stories and lives without even being asked. At least someone asked her. Her mum has a right to respond or not. But yes, the shame is the mother's to carry not hers. And she has a right to share and heal and advocate and educate how she feels. Maybe 1 stupid mother will see the stupidity is such action and either stop or never perpetuate such wickedness becos of this.
DeleteVery traumatizing experience
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for what you went through Kaffy
I'm glad you're in a better place now and can talk about it so that others can learn and change for the better.
Why will a mother do that to her own daughter? Is she that insecure
ReplyDeleteObviously she was insecure and I wonder the kind of mother she was but then again there are things that are not for public consumption and this revelation is one of them.
DeleteObviously she was very insecure
DeleteNa wa
There must be some kind spirit in podcast that makes people spill their secret. I hope the exposure helps them heal last last.
DeleteOh dear, sorry about that
ReplyDeleteKai... 🙆
ReplyDeleteWhat a traumatizing experience.
This must have been so traumatic.
ReplyDeleteThere was this neighbor of ours when I was young who would strip her daughters naked, flog them and apply grounded pepper in their privates and eyes, all because she suspected they had boyfriends. They were teenage girls.
I wonder where those girls are today. So sad 😢
Chai 😔😔😔
ReplyDeleteSorry about that Kaffy,may God heal you completely.
ReplyDeleteI feel somehow about bringing things like this to the internet,people are so unkind these days and may troll her with this someday.Then again,it's her choice, she's an adult and will chest whatever comes from this revelation.
Na wah ooo for that kind mama ooo. God forbid for me to be bringing men home for my daughter's to see it as normal things, I will rather go to hotel.
ReplyDeleteThank you o!! Everyone condemning Kaffy, I'm glad she spoke out so many can learn. Repressed trauma is real.
DeleteI just hate reading things like this, it messes my day
ReplyDeleteAll these people will just be bringing up personal stories to gain attention...not thinking of the effect it may have on their families, relationships and even they themselves. this attitude of exposing ones personal life on social media...to what gain? i understand those that may want to tell others their stories for others to learn from. but Kaffy, by sharing this story will cast the public to her own failed marriage. oya o....let the divorce drama in your family end with you biko.
ReplyDeleteSomeone who does that to you does not deserve a relationship with you. I'm glad she spoke out. That's how you heal.
DeleteChaiiiiiiii
ReplyDeleteSo Sorry Kaffy
Hello iya Boys
Wow!
ReplyDeleteIt must have been traumatizing but it's not everything that one should share to the public.
What a nasty thing to do as a mother 😩
ReplyDeleteSorry Kaffy, you have been through hell & back 🤗
I hope you heal from these painful teenage experience 👏
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ReplyDeleteThis is so traumatic to read. Some parents can go extreme with discipline.
ReplyDeleteRhis is not even discipline, this is plain jealousy. A mother exhibit jealousy towards her daughter.
DeleteOh dear....
ReplyDeleteGod please if I come to this world again don’t let me come as a Nigerian. The comments here are so disgusting and it’s shameful that it’s coming from Nigerian women. You people are the reason evil thrives so much in our society, you people hide evil until it births more evil. And if a victim dares speak about their experiences, here come you all trying to shut them up.
ReplyDeleteTufiakwa unu biko!
I just weak truly. You can imagine what these ones are capable of knowing they may never be exposed. Bunch of damaged and damage capable women.
DeleteChai
ReplyDeleteA mother's insecurity is real, thanks Kaffy for speaking out. I have been pondering on such. There should be a platform for these topics to promote forgiveness and healing.
ReplyDeleteForgiveness doesn't always mean access
DeleteOmo😮
ReplyDeleteWhy would anyone not want such evil exposed. If only the mother could be punished for her crimes. Wicked women. You all saying she should not have spoken about it in public, only you and your victims indeed know what you lot are capable of in secret.
ReplyDelete