STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
A Mother’s Burden
It all began when I was in SS2. I fell in love with a boy, young and naïve, I got pregnant. When the time for delivery drew near, my mother insisted that I go to my boyfriend’s house to have the baby.
His mother was late, so he lived with his father and stepmother. During my stay, his late mother’s sisters took care of me. They were kind, ensuring I was well-fed and comfortable despite my situation.
Two weeks before my delivery, another young woman arrived, also pregnant for the same boy. We both stayed in that house, and we gave birth almost at the same time each of us to a beautiful baby girl.
After delivery, one of his mother’s sisters took me and my baby under her care, while the other cared for the second woman and her child.
After a year, I decided to return home to my parents. Life went on, and two years later, I got married to another man, a good man who accepted my daughter as his own. However, her biological father wanted her to stay with his mother’s sister, but my husband refused. He said she was now his child, and he would raise her as such.
As the years went by, things began to change. My daughter, now ten years old, became a source of endless worry and pain.
She disrespected my husband, fought with her younger siblings, and brought shame to the family. My husband, tired of the constant troubles, gave me an ultimatum—to choose between her and our marriage.
In tears and confusion, I took her back to her father.
By then, her father had remarried. His new wife already had a daughter of her own, and she wanted no part of my child. So, he took her to his late mother’s sister. The same kind woman who had cared for me when I gave birth.
The woman received her warmly. She treated her like her own grandchild. enrolled her in a private secondary school, bought her new clothes, and gave her a comfortable life.
But soon, my daughter’s behavior became unbearable. She started sneaking out, disappearing for days, stealing from the woman, and even went as far as using her ATM to empty her account. The woman’s blood pressure rose dangerously because of the stress.
Her children could no longer bear it. They insisted that her father take her back. But his wife stood her ground, she refused to have the girl in her home.
Now, I stand torn between my daughter and my marriage. My husband says if I bring her back, our home will no longer have peace.
I have pleaded with my daughter, cried before her, begged her to change, to make me proud. But the more I plead, the worse she becomes.
I am a mother in pain, confused and heartbroken. I do not know what else to do.
This is so sad!!!.....I dont even know what to say but it is this behaviour that made me so scared of having a girl child cos before you know it now she will become pregnant.....
Cant you put her in a boarding school? what about your parents? better hurry up before history repeats itself.....
That girl did not just wake up and started behaving the way she is doing....you failed as a mum and must have missed certain things.Please find out from her if she was abused in your home....ASK HER IF HER STEP FATHER HAS BEEN TOUCHING HER!!!!...she cannot just wake up and start being rebellious.....
They asked you to take her away cos they saw that she will soon talk!!!
Thi is my two cents from reading this story.Act fast as you have no use being married to someone who has abused your daughter...if you find out and hide it, you have failed that child!
In addition to what Stella has said, poster for now take her to a boarding school. Then let her see a trained counselor.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteStella echoed some of my thoughts there!
Did you try to address the underlying causes of your daughter’s behavior? You need to have an honest conversation with her - help her open up and find out what is truly behind this sudden rebellion......
It seems you may have “outsourced” her care for too long, and now is the time to take back that role, regardless of the consequences.....She’s only 10 years old; she’s not beyond redemption.
I am also concerned about your husband’s sudden change of attitude toward your daughter.....Was he pretending before, only to use this as a condition now? Remember, raising and disciplining your daughter should be a joint effort between you and your husband......
Please, do your own investigation and don’t give up....Stand firm and fight for your child — she still needs you more than ever.....
All the best. 💛
I quote the author:
ReplyDelete"However, her biological father wanted her to stay with his mother’s sister, but my husband refused. He said she was now his child, and he would raise her as such."
The rubber has met the road. Your husband better man up and accept what he signed up for. If she were his daughter would he have thrown her away? Asking you to choose between your daughter or the marriage is cruel.
You are in the midst of failures as men. Your daughter's biological father is the bigger failure here just as your husband who swore to take her as his daughter is failing his words and commitments to you as well.
There really isn't any way you can win here. Whatever you do, you will come off as a bad person.
The girl is seriously reacting from feeling unwanted and since she is used to being stubborn, she didn't even recognize the love of her Aunt. Stella could also be very right because such things breed misbehaviour in some victims. Also pray for your child. Don't avoid her now. Take her out frequently for one on one bonding. Ask her questions, get to know her and still be firm when necessary as her mother.
DeletePoster find out if your husband molested her in any way?
DeleteBe prayerful because the enemy does not want you to have peace, get on your knees. Take her to a.quiet place, have a heart to heart discussion with her and promise her what you can redeem, hols her hands and pray for her.
Take her to your own relative house.
What could have gone wrong?
ReplyDeleteA 10 year-old girl behaving so weird?
Just like that?
Could it be a spiritual manipulation?
Use iron gloves on that girl now before she goes beyond repairs.
Enroll her in military school.
Yes, I believe that will help curb her by the time she receive correct treatment.
Have you gone naked in the middle of the night to pray for her?
Nobody is going to open their home to wahala and your parents do not deserve a problem child on their doorstep when they already fulfilled their duty raising their children. You must face this on your own and get your child help. Your child needs therapy and it should have started from the moment she started acting up, before things got so bad. You did not say how old she is. It is better to lose your marriage and fight for your child than to stay and watch her become a criminal or vagabond, because marriage can never be sweet knowing that a child you gave birth to is out in the world doing who knows what. If he was the biological father would he ask you to choose? He is the only parent the child has known, he insisted on raising her so why he shifting now and giving ultimatum.
ReplyDeleteHer father was getting multiple young girls pregnant at her age, so it could be something from his lineage in her. She cannot get other girls pregnant so it manifests in a different way in her. Please take up your responsibility as a mother and go seek help for your child. Pawning your child off to others send a terrible message of being unwanted. Take some time off from work and just spend some time alone together, let her speak her truth, let her show you her pain, let her vent. Just the two of you alone for a while so she can get your 100% undivided attention. Maybe all of this is a cry for attention. But you must make an attempt to save your child without sending her off to someone else. She needs her mother to show up for once!
How do you lot, fck without protection and contraception, just breed and breed like rabbits...wtf! Black people and baby mama and papa issues! I have no advise for you! You need to make the most out of a bad situation!
ReplyDeleteHow do you lot, fck without protection and contraception, just breed and breed like rabbits...wtf! Black people and baby mama and papa issues! I have no advise for you! You need to make the most out of a bad situation!
ReplyDeleteOh dear..
ReplyDeleteWhere did you get it wrong?
Some children have bad spirits no matter what you do, it's never enough.
ReplyDeleteThe mother may have tried. She has the philandering spirit of her father. Imagine two girls giving birth for one young man at the same time.
It may not be the case that the mother didn't try for her. What about her other children?
You did not fail as a mother and I doubt your current husband is doing anything shady with her.
ReplyDeleteThere are some foundation that needs proper checkout before you breed with them.
Have you paid attention to your family or your baby daddy family pattern?
Poster, I will advice you pray like your life and density depends on it now before she repeats her parents mistake and the circle continues.
Felicity
your husband might has been touching her and maybe she no longer agree to his abuse and he became angry and want to dispose her far so that she will not talk. I don't know how close and the kind of relationship you have with your girl, i would have said she should be able to open up to you on why her attitude change. She wasn't this way from day one but when she became 10 years her attitude changed, it means something is not okay somewhere.
ReplyDeleteHave you gone for prayers to ascertain is not an attack to bring you down or frustrate you from your marriage, this is my second tot. Take her for deliverance because she may be needing it. You cannot leave that girl at the moment because she needs your love, care, protection.
I will say you failed your daughter at one point the reason she is not behaving like you or did you do all she is doing at the moment? what about her dad he might be the one with her current attitude? You and her father should work out something for her , if a boarding school will be of great help please take her to a boarding school.
lol Stella oh
ReplyDeleteChild is misbehaving you say mama don fail
Sister your child has decided she’s too grown to stay home and her step father has decided he has had enough. Tell her go to school or stay on the streets. Her choice
If you have the means you can get her own small place
I pity step fathers..no be every step fathers be abusers abeg, maybe she is just a wayward girl that learnt all these behavior from school or friends
ReplyDeleteNot every, but some are. Some paedophiles actually seek baby mamas with small children they can groom and abuse. This is not fiction. Even some biological fathers go this far, as has been in the news lately. For this poster, she has to find out.
DeletePlease calm down Why don't you both go to therapy, She might have some issues that needs to be sorted for her to be ok. And most importantly, put her in your prayer, this isn't the time to cry or be worried, pray and let God take over everything. It's well.
ReplyDeleteMy question is: how did you raise this child that she has ended up like this? She was staying with you; what went wrong?
ReplyDeleteIf after reading this post and comments as a man, you still decide to marry a single mother, especially of a female child, and you then go ahead to accept the child as yours.. then you really deserved to be called a r@pist and a pedophile since you refused to have sense
ReplyDeleteYou have a point here. Fear of being accused of touching a child, even after you have treated her as your own is what will push men from accepting single mums. A child will be wayward if they want to. Let the mum go back to the drawing board and self reflect on when it all went wrong
DeleteIt’s like some of you haven’t seen trouble children
ReplyDeleteSmall trouble this child is giving una don start with spiritual angle and touching accusations
Poster,i pray for God's intervention upon you and your daughter,I have not been a good person while growing up,I pray God help me in raising my daughter because my life style wasn't good at all,reading your post got me scared.
ReplyDeleteYour daughter’s behavior sounds like more than just youthful rebellion. It may be the result of deep emotional wounds, feelings of rejection, confusion, or lack of belonging that have been building for years. She’s been moved from one home to another, likely feeling unwanted or misunderstood each time. That pain can turn into anger and defiance. But even then, she is responsible for her choices now. At her age, she knows right from wrong.
ReplyDeleteAt this point, what your daughter needs isn’t just another home, it’s rehabilitation and guidance from professionals who can reach her where words cannot. If possible, consider seeking help from a counselor, psychologist, or a faith-based rehabilitation center for young people. You’ve done your part as a mother; now it’s time for trained hands to help reshape her path.
For your marriage, protect it. Your husband has stood by you and even accepted your daughter as his own at one point. That kind of love is rare. Don’t destroy that because of guilt. You can continue to support your daughter without bringing the chaos back into your home. Sometimes loving a child means loving them from a distance until they are ready to change.
Keep praying for her, but also set clear boundaries. Let her know you’ll always love her, but she must take responsibility for her life. And most importantly, find peace for yourself. You have carried this burden for years, it’s time to let God and time do the healing.
This here
DeleteMay God help this poster. Having a problem child is one of the most heartbreaking things in life. But usually if they can be helped to change, they become stellar people. Many great people today had troubled backgrounds but by the grace of God and destiny helpers who didn't give up on them, and a second chance or even more chances, or a life-changing experience, something changed that reshaped them for good.
DeleteYour man may not be touching her but I think she feels neglected in your home and now acting it out by being rebellious.You married two years after having her and you had other children and may not have been treating her the way you treat others and she noticed.
ReplyDeletePlease, take some time and get to the root of the matter, don't just throw her to your parents, before she kpais them for you.
Also, pray for her, evil spirit no dey listen to begging and cries o
And many of them here are single mothers looking up to simps they refer to as Real men to still come pick them and love them for who they are, and their kids.
ReplyDeletethe one here has done all he could including fighting off the wayward dad, what is he getting in return here with the comments? a phedo or rapist.
It's one of the many results like ungratefulness and disrespect you'll always get from them especially when they find their feet.
Was she also being touched at her aunt's?
Well poster, since you out of many even appreciate that man, still sit him down and beg him for the both of you to join forces once again in trying save your daughter from whatever has made her the way she is, good luck.
You’ve not done all you could if you gave up on a ten year old
DeleteHe should kpai trying for a 10 year old acting above an adult abi?
DeleteThe same type of people you find on here, are the same type you find on most street these days, who knows many of your types have already started the accusations to his face before he made the decision to send her away?
Easier said than done that most of you practice.
There are actually good stepfathers. Some are even better than biological fathers. One trait in such men is their kindness and maturity. They are usually also morally grounded and generous. There was a thread I was going through online and the people there testifying were the stepkids who were all grown and some married with kids testifying to the love and grace and help they received from their step dads. Some were not aware of their having a real biological dad, until they were told later on, but they never felt discriminated against. Kudos to good people out there giving light to this dark world.
DeleteI love the place where you called her a failed mum. That just about settles it. The non challance of the parents of today is what has ground our world. Another thing I see here is patterns. Negative patterns. She gave birth out of wedlock. Probably the mum did, and her daughter is likely on her way. Why did her own mother allow her to go give birth in the house of that boy and stay without her for over a year? That is already playing out even without her notice in her marriage. Patterns.
ReplyDeletePoster take your child to see a child psychiatrist to get an evaluation done
ReplyDeleteLearning from all the comments and I pick points too .
ReplyDeleteThe heartbreaking chronicles these days are painful. What your daughter is going through isn’t just disobedience - it’s the cry of a child who’s been bruised by instability. The fruit rarely falls far from the tree, and sometimes the pain we don’t heal becomes the one our children inherit.
ReplyDeleteAt some point, you stopped being her anchor and started watching from a distance. Motherhood is tiring, but it demands presence, not perfection. That girl isn’t fighting you - she’s begging to be seen, even if it comes out as defiance.
Before calling her stubborn or lost, ask what kind of love she grew up understanding. Who taught her to trust? Who stayed when things fell apart? From your words, it seems she was handed from one place to another, and now she’s acting out the confusion she was raised in.
She doesn’t need punishment - she needs structure, safety, and love that comes with firm boundaries. Let her know there’s still a home that can hold her. And to your husband, this is when promises matter. Fatherhood isn’t about convenience; it’s about consistency.
Please don’t give up on her. Children heal faster than we expect when love is steady and adults stop passing blame. If you can’t hold her at home now, find a safe, guided space for her - not exile, but restoration.
Healing starts when we stop choosing peace for ourselves over peace for our children. Save her now, while her story is still being written.
This is painful to read
ReplyDeleteSomething happened to that child. It might not be your husband but something went wrong somewhere. Do not underestimate the power of prayer, you can put her in a boarding school as a temporary measure to solve the accommodation issues with her.
Seek therapy for her and also take your place spiritually, you birth her, so you have a legal ground to settle things in the place of prayer.
PRAY
Maybe poster was using her as a maid. She got tired and decided to rebel. I have seen this play out several times. They use the child the had out of wedlock as maid, caring for the younger ones, hawking, cleaning and cooking at a very tender age. The smaller children get the best clothes, shoes and other treatments.
ReplyDeleteMy advice is to call her and sit down with her, assure her of your love from now on, take her shopping and buy beautiful things for her, give her good food.also assure your husband that she will change.
To the angle of being abused. Take her to the hospital, let them check if her hymen is broken, if it is broken, plan with a police woman and take her there, let her threaten her to open up on whoever has touched her. I say police because according to you, she is now a stubborn child, every stubborn child less than 18yrs fears the police. After 18, they fear no one.