Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmmmmm.....

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED

Stella please post as chronicles
My husband and I live abroad. 

In our previous jobs I earned more than him, but we have always pooled our income together to pay bills, support our family, and build our business.

Before we left Nigeria, my husband’s three sisters were very unkind to me and even extended this behaviour to my children. They constantly reminded me that I was a “stranger” and that they would always be the real family. 

I endured a lot from them. They made sure I never felt like a true member of the family. They would even call my husband frequently, including during our intimate moments. They called me “tiny ant” and were confident that I would never amount to anything and that I would end up depending on them for my children’s welfare and school fees, especially at a time when my husband was not doing well.

Since moving abroad, my husband and I have worked extremely hard while raising our children. Things are now going well for us. We have built a growing business based on honesty and transparency.

 I handle the accounting and finances, while my husband oversees the technical side. Our goal is to send our children to university without financial stress and give them opportunities despite the challenges of being migrants.

Now, suddenly, my sisters-in-law want to be friendly with me. They present themselves as reaching out, but also suggest to my husband that I am not reciprocating. 

I have told my husband that I have forgiven them, but I cannot completely let my guard down because of how they treated me when we had nothing. they still make nasty comments once in a while but I remain polite and cordial, but I am not close or chatty with them.

Recently, I discovered that my husband discusses our day-to-day life with his sisters when I am not present. I asked him not to share information about me or our personal matters with them. He reacted angrily, called me hurtful names, accused me of trying to make him hate his sisters, and said I am bitter and unforgiving.

 He then asked that we create boundaries, separate our finances, and limit phone access.
One day, I came home early and he did not realise I was in the house. I overheard him speaking to his sisters. One of them emphasised that they are family and that their parents want them to stay united forever. She then asked him for money for a project and became upset when he said I would know about it. 

She told him not to tell me everything, said I was controlling him, and criticised me in other ways.
Since then, our new business plans have stalled. I feel betrayed and my trust in my husband has been shaken, even though I still love him deeply. He is now asking for our joint savings to be divided.

I feel angry and hurt. Part of me is considering selling our properties, dividing the proceeds, giving him what he wants and starting again independently with my children. The business ideas and processes were largely mine, and I manage the financial side. I worry that without strong boundaries, it will be difficult for my husband to save, especially with the influence of his siblings who believe he is now financially successful.

I still love my husband, but I do not know if our marriage can survive the ongoing pressure from his sisters. Financially, I know I would be able to support myself and my children, so my main struggle is emotional. I feel torn between allowing my husband to face the consequences of his choices or fighting to protect our marriage.
Do I talk to my husband about the conversation I heard or do I call them and tell them to stop stressing our marriage?

HMMMM!!!!!

You cannot do any of the two things that you suggested...Telling your husband about your hearing the phone call will not change anything, he will accuse you of monitoring him and will tell them....I appreciate that he has a bond with his sisters but it is not a healthy bond.

How dare you suggest you want to call them to warn them not to stress your marriage? They are talking to their brother who has made himself available to them with details.

Activate your plan B immediately cos if you dont he will wreck the whole business. separate what needs to be separated and let him face the consequences cos thats the only way he will learn....And please note that your marriage will not stand the test of time cos it involves his family......You cannot ask him to choose you over his sisters.

Prepare yourself cos he will give them what he has and come back to beg you when he is empty..do not let him use you!

Let me add small bad advice- Starve him of kpekus small, maybe it will reset his head.hehehehehe