This story is long and so Interesting .....
''Let me share the story of how I was proposed to last year to become a second wife to a 66-year-old man.
I sincerely do not like to share details of my dating life because I’ve made a promise to myself that the only man the public will ever know I’m with, or hear me talk extensively about, will surely be my husband. But a video I just watched this evening brought back this memory from last year.
It was during one of those periods when my videos went really viral and were flying across different WhatsApp groups.
There was this elderly man who saw one of my videos through a friend of mine who is in the tech sector, doing amazingly well and building a startup. Apparently, when they were trying to raise some funds, this man, being known for his deep pockets, was part of the people who helped them raise quite a large sum of money.
A very successful man who had worked for many years and had now become an investor in multiple startups and businesses. He was 65, married and had grown children, most of whom lived abroad. His wife, also in her 60s, was travelling across the country to care for their grandchildren.
He saw my video. My name was always attached to them, so he looked for my social media accounts himself, messaged me, and lauded my intellect and the way I treated issues and topics.
I looked at his profile and saw little to no information, but I saw his profile picture, which made it clear that he was an elderly man, so I accorded him that respect and spoke to him respectfully.
A few days later, he posted one of my videos, and someone who knew him beyond social media and also knew me sent me the screenshot, asking if I knew him.
He had sent it out of admiration, wanting to tell me that one of the successful men he knew had shared my video. He asked if I knew him, and I answered no, but told him that the man had messaged me some days earlier.
This friend began to speak about his achievements, businesses and how he was an angel investor for many businesses. He told me I shouldn’t mind his social media presence because the man was a solid man.
Everything he said was good, but it wasn’t my place to go asking this man questions about his wealth and achievements when he had deliberately chosen to live a quiet life on social media.
Three weeks later, this man messaged again to ask if he could see me and talk to me over a cup of coffee. He said he loved my mind and would like to engage me one-on-one.
It was around the time I was counting down to my resignation date at my place of work. The day came.
The conversation was healthy, wholesome and really engaging. I never told him that anyone had reached out to me about him, but from the way he spoke, his calm presence, the place he chose for the coffee on the island, you could tell he was a high achiever who also didn’t spend his time talking about his achievements.
During the conversation, I mentioned my plan to resign to go back to my business, and he asked why I wanted to leave my job to go and start tailoring.
I answered him and told him that tailoring was just the entry point. The end goal was much bigger than that, but every great vision needs an entry point, and I went further to share some of my vision with him.
That very day, we both agreed on something which was that I am very ambitious, and my definition of building in the fashion industry was way different and bigger than what he had seen or heard others speak of.
We departed on a good note after a very good cup of coffee, which I loved.
Two days later, he called and asked me to be his second wife without mincing words over the phone. I mean, baba yi pe mi to tell me exactly that.
My darling, if you’ve never been in that situation, you will never know how to answer. I heard what he said, but I was dumbfounded on the phone.
This was a man almost four decades older than me asking me to be his wife. The talk full my mouth but I couldn’t give an answer.
Since I didn’t give an immediate answer, he agreed that his request was sudden and that he would give me time to think about it, baba gave me deadline of when I should let him know if I’m interested. (These rich men cha and their pompousness, mo cha so wipe “okay sir.”)
I got off the phone that day cha but I already knew it was impossible. You may ask why?
Firstly I never want to be anyone’s second wife.
Secondly, the age gap was too much for me. I do not pray to die young or for any man to die, but I would like to raise my children with a man who isn’t that much older than me. I would like my children to have many more years of agility, strength and active presence with their father.
Thirdly, men of that age and achievements know women would never marry them if not for their riches, and this realization changes the dynamics of things in marriage. (I wouldn’t like to go into details of that) .
And finally, a man of that age isn’t looking for a woman like me who’s very driven and restless, because trust me when I say I have a very restless mind about my dreams and what I want to achieve, at his age, for a man who has already birthed grown ups, what he wanted was a trophy young wife that’ll make him look good and go on vacations and have fun with him, and someone to be with him since his wife travels a lot.
And maybe another finally, I want to be that woman who wants to have a little bragging right of building and partnership of reaching the top with my husband.
A few days later, he called again and asked if I had thought about what he said, so I told him all the answers that were in my mind. When I talked about his age and the fact that he was already married, he laughed. He said I was worrying about what wasn’t important.
He didn’t boast, but he spoke with so much confidence that if I married him, I would not regret it and that I would never suffer for anything because he would ensure that everything became easy for me. He went ahead and used the line that I should be his Shade Okoya . '
The conversation felt good for a moment but my conviction was certain.
Hear this, there are men who boast about what they have, but there are also men who speak confidently from the groundedness of what they have achieved and are therefore able to offer solid assurance.
He was that kind of man. My people, I will not deny that it was tempting, his words were reassuring, and a thousand and one thoughts were running through my all at the same time.
If you haven’t been approached by men of that calibre, you may not understand what I am saying. I have met quite a number due to the nature of the job I had and many other factors. It is in the moment you are confronted with some things that you can know if your conviction is genuine or not, not just by mere words.
But during our conversation, he made a statement that snapped me back to reality as my heart was busy imagining.
He said something subtly that suggested that my ambitions were much for a woman to have and that all I needed was a man who would care for me and make life easier for me, and he was that man.
Yes, you will be spoilt. You will enjoy all you need. You will probably never have to worry about money. But your commitment cannot be to any other higher purpose than the marriage.
And sincerely, a 66 year-old successful man wanting to marry a much younger woman is not necessarily looking for a woman who wants to build another enormous vision outside the marriage. In most cases, he simply want a woman he can care for, protect, spoil, care for him too as a wife, have as his baby girl, and appear at public functions with like his trophy.
And as a Yoruba man from the state known for parties the most, there will be many of those functions.
Trust me when I say there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman wanting such a life or a man wanting that for his marriage, but that woman just cannot be me.
This my interpretation was never communicated to him. I simply told him that I had an issue with his age, which I truly did, and with the fact that he was already married which is a major deal as well.
Trust me when I say it takes a different level of conviction, self-groundedness and self-awareness to say no to men of that status. Because there are one million women who would gladly be that woman.
Women whose greatest desire is to be pampered and taken care of. Women whose ambition is to marry a rich man, and there is nothing inherently wrong with that choice of theirs. But there is a difference between wanting money and having a purpose. There is a difference between wanting a comfortable life and having a vision that demands something from you including a certain type of man from you.
Some women genuinely want a beautiful marriage, children, a comfortable home and a man who provides everything abundantly when all they do is just to stay pretty, it’s a valid life and there are men providing that. But that cannot be the ambition of every woman. Many women still want marriage, children and a life bigger than just being pampered.
Nothing is wrong with their choice and nothing is wrong with mine. We are simply two different women wanting different things from life.
So, when I saw the video this evening of a lady speaking about women whose only ambition is to be married to men who will pamper them and give them a baby-girl lifestyle, the memory flashed back through my mind.
Because if money was all I wanted in life, I have been privileged to be approached by much older men who have it in abundance and who are willing to make me their wife.
But when there is something you are pursuing that keeps you restless, you will understand that getting money, being pampered with money and having access to wealth is nowhere close to having an ambition so purposeful that abandoning it would leave you feeling miserable and unfulfilled.
Money can make your life easier, it can give you options, it can give you access, it can even be the fuel that helps you build your vision, but money itself is not necessarily the vision.
And this is where I think many young women need to pause and ask themselves a difficult question: If money was already guaranteed, what would you still wake up wanting to build?
If the answer is nothing, perhaps you don’t yet have an ambition, and if you’re comfortable with it, then you are the type of woman who dill live a fulfilled life being pampered and being a baby girl to daddy. And there is no shame in admitting that.
Know where you fall as a woman and embrace it. Anywhere you fall is valid. But also be honest enough with yourself to know whether you are pursuing money, comfort, marriage, status or something much deeper than all of these.
Because sometimes, the greatest evidence that you have found your purpose is that even when an easier life is placed directly in front of you, you still cannot abandon the thing you know you were born to build.
And finally, finally, finally, the reason I said no to Baba of 66 was because, amongst other things, I was wondering if this man would still be able to give me the kind of bedroom ministry I require. He looked healthy and good, no doubt. But soldier man has been working since God knows when, and I am a young woman who will need the strength of my husband not just for raising our children, but for bedroom matters too.
Cash can give me soft life, but cash cannot give me orgasm.
Please, I beg you, let us not pretend about this aspect.
#Tad
I sincerely do not like to share details of my dating life because I’ve made a promise to myself that the only man the public will ever know I’m with, or hear me talk extensively about, will surely be my husband. But a video I just watched this evening brought back this memory from last year.
It was during one of those periods when my videos went really viral and were flying across different WhatsApp groups.
There was this elderly man who saw one of my videos through a friend of mine who is in the tech sector, doing amazingly well and building a startup. Apparently, when they were trying to raise some funds, this man, being known for his deep pockets, was part of the people who helped them raise quite a large sum of money.
A very successful man who had worked for many years and had now become an investor in multiple startups and businesses. He was 65, married and had grown children, most of whom lived abroad. His wife, also in her 60s, was travelling across the country to care for their grandchildren.
He saw my video. My name was always attached to them, so he looked for my social media accounts himself, messaged me, and lauded my intellect and the way I treated issues and topics.
I looked at his profile and saw little to no information, but I saw his profile picture, which made it clear that he was an elderly man, so I accorded him that respect and spoke to him respectfully.
A few days later, he posted one of my videos, and someone who knew him beyond social media and also knew me sent me the screenshot, asking if I knew him.
He had sent it out of admiration, wanting to tell me that one of the successful men he knew had shared my video. He asked if I knew him, and I answered no, but told him that the man had messaged me some days earlier.
This friend began to speak about his achievements, businesses and how he was an angel investor for many businesses. He told me I shouldn’t mind his social media presence because the man was a solid man.
Everything he said was good, but it wasn’t my place to go asking this man questions about his wealth and achievements when he had deliberately chosen to live a quiet life on social media.
Three weeks later, this man messaged again to ask if he could see me and talk to me over a cup of coffee. He said he loved my mind and would like to engage me one-on-one.
It was around the time I was counting down to my resignation date at my place of work. The day came.
The conversation was healthy, wholesome and really engaging. I never told him that anyone had reached out to me about him, but from the way he spoke, his calm presence, the place he chose for the coffee on the island, you could tell he was a high achiever who also didn’t spend his time talking about his achievements.
During the conversation, I mentioned my plan to resign to go back to my business, and he asked why I wanted to leave my job to go and start tailoring.
I answered him and told him that tailoring was just the entry point. The end goal was much bigger than that, but every great vision needs an entry point, and I went further to share some of my vision with him.
That very day, we both agreed on something which was that I am very ambitious, and my definition of building in the fashion industry was way different and bigger than what he had seen or heard others speak of.
We departed on a good note after a very good cup of coffee, which I loved.
Two days later, he called and asked me to be his second wife without mincing words over the phone. I mean, baba yi pe mi to tell me exactly that.
My darling, if you’ve never been in that situation, you will never know how to answer. I heard what he said, but I was dumbfounded on the phone.
This was a man almost four decades older than me asking me to be his wife. The talk full my mouth but I couldn’t give an answer.
Since I didn’t give an immediate answer, he agreed that his request was sudden and that he would give me time to think about it, baba gave me deadline of when I should let him know if I’m interested. (These rich men cha and their pompousness, mo cha so wipe “okay sir.”)
I got off the phone that day cha but I already knew it was impossible. You may ask why?
Firstly I never want to be anyone’s second wife.
Secondly, the age gap was too much for me. I do not pray to die young or for any man to die, but I would like to raise my children with a man who isn’t that much older than me. I would like my children to have many more years of agility, strength and active presence with their father.
Thirdly, men of that age and achievements know women would never marry them if not for their riches, and this realization changes the dynamics of things in marriage. (I wouldn’t like to go into details of that) .
And finally, a man of that age isn’t looking for a woman like me who’s very driven and restless, because trust me when I say I have a very restless mind about my dreams and what I want to achieve, at his age, for a man who has already birthed grown ups, what he wanted was a trophy young wife that’ll make him look good and go on vacations and have fun with him, and someone to be with him since his wife travels a lot.
And maybe another finally, I want to be that woman who wants to have a little bragging right of building and partnership of reaching the top with my husband.
A few days later, he called again and asked if I had thought about what he said, so I told him all the answers that were in my mind. When I talked about his age and the fact that he was already married, he laughed. He said I was worrying about what wasn’t important.
He didn’t boast, but he spoke with so much confidence that if I married him, I would not regret it and that I would never suffer for anything because he would ensure that everything became easy for me. He went ahead and used the line that I should be his Shade Okoya . '
The conversation felt good for a moment but my conviction was certain.
Hear this, there are men who boast about what they have, but there are also men who speak confidently from the groundedness of what they have achieved and are therefore able to offer solid assurance.
He was that kind of man. My people, I will not deny that it was tempting, his words were reassuring, and a thousand and one thoughts were running through my all at the same time.
If you haven’t been approached by men of that calibre, you may not understand what I am saying. I have met quite a number due to the nature of the job I had and many other factors. It is in the moment you are confronted with some things that you can know if your conviction is genuine or not, not just by mere words.
But during our conversation, he made a statement that snapped me back to reality as my heart was busy imagining.
He said something subtly that suggested that my ambitions were much for a woman to have and that all I needed was a man who would care for me and make life easier for me, and he was that man.
Yes, you will be spoilt. You will enjoy all you need. You will probably never have to worry about money. But your commitment cannot be to any other higher purpose than the marriage.
And sincerely, a 66 year-old successful man wanting to marry a much younger woman is not necessarily looking for a woman who wants to build another enormous vision outside the marriage. In most cases, he simply want a woman he can care for, protect, spoil, care for him too as a wife, have as his baby girl, and appear at public functions with like his trophy.
And as a Yoruba man from the state known for parties the most, there will be many of those functions.
Trust me when I say there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman wanting such a life or a man wanting that for his marriage, but that woman just cannot be me.
This my interpretation was never communicated to him. I simply told him that I had an issue with his age, which I truly did, and with the fact that he was already married which is a major deal as well.
Trust me when I say it takes a different level of conviction, self-groundedness and self-awareness to say no to men of that status. Because there are one million women who would gladly be that woman.
Women whose greatest desire is to be pampered and taken care of. Women whose ambition is to marry a rich man, and there is nothing inherently wrong with that choice of theirs. But there is a difference between wanting money and having a purpose. There is a difference between wanting a comfortable life and having a vision that demands something from you including a certain type of man from you.
Some women genuinely want a beautiful marriage, children, a comfortable home and a man who provides everything abundantly when all they do is just to stay pretty, it’s a valid life and there are men providing that. But that cannot be the ambition of every woman. Many women still want marriage, children and a life bigger than just being pampered.
Nothing is wrong with their choice and nothing is wrong with mine. We are simply two different women wanting different things from life.
So, when I saw the video this evening of a lady speaking about women whose only ambition is to be married to men who will pamper them and give them a baby-girl lifestyle, the memory flashed back through my mind.
Because if money was all I wanted in life, I have been privileged to be approached by much older men who have it in abundance and who are willing to make me their wife.
But when there is something you are pursuing that keeps you restless, you will understand that getting money, being pampered with money and having access to wealth is nowhere close to having an ambition so purposeful that abandoning it would leave you feeling miserable and unfulfilled.
Money can make your life easier, it can give you options, it can give you access, it can even be the fuel that helps you build your vision, but money itself is not necessarily the vision.
And this is where I think many young women need to pause and ask themselves a difficult question: If money was already guaranteed, what would you still wake up wanting to build?
If the answer is nothing, perhaps you don’t yet have an ambition, and if you’re comfortable with it, then you are the type of woman who dill live a fulfilled life being pampered and being a baby girl to daddy. And there is no shame in admitting that.
Know where you fall as a woman and embrace it. Anywhere you fall is valid. But also be honest enough with yourself to know whether you are pursuing money, comfort, marriage, status or something much deeper than all of these.
Because sometimes, the greatest evidence that you have found your purpose is that even when an easier life is placed directly in front of you, you still cannot abandon the thing you know you were born to build.
And finally, finally, finally, the reason I said no to Baba of 66 was because, amongst other things, I was wondering if this man would still be able to give me the kind of bedroom ministry I require. He looked healthy and good, no doubt. But soldier man has been working since God knows when, and I am a young woman who will need the strength of my husband not just for raising our children, but for bedroom matters too.
Cash can give me soft life, but cash cannot give me orgasm.
Please, I beg you, let us not pretend about this aspect.
#Tad
My muse. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteA thousand women reject proposals from a thousand older rich men everyday. Must it be revealed on social media? Must people know our experience? Can't our lives be private for a while? Even if we must share, can't we do it in anonymity?
DeleteEven if a prominent person (cleric or politician) makes a general statement, must there be a reply? "Silence is the best answer given to a fool". My mother taught me that.
On social media everybody talks! It's nauseating. Arhhh.
@anon 16:17, You may not see the value in this important write-up, but believe me, there is a young girl somewhere who may read it and have her perspective changed.
DeleteWith all the wrong notions out there encouraging young girls to look for a wealthy “godfather” to sponsor their lifestyle, some of them need to be reminded that their dreams are bigger than whatever a rich man may have to offer.
Real growth comes from building yourself, developing your skills, and creating something of your own. That is what creates lasting wealth and independence, not relying on relationships with “big daddies.”
So, if you don’t find the message educative or valuable, that’s your opinion, and you’re entitled to it. But perhaps you can keep that opinion to yourself too, just as you asked the original poster to keep hers to herself......nonsense!
When you know where you are going in life, every road doesn't take you there.
ReplyDeleteVery valid points and a good mindset.
ReplyDeleteIt takes courage and I salute her for it . keep winning and aiming higher,it will all fall in place.
Your choice beautiful. I love older men though
ReplyDeleteStory like mine, turned down a lot of older rich married men to be their second wife but the irony of life. I rejected, hoping and wishing for a decent man to build life with unfortunately a lot of men out there are gold diggers, only looking for who's going to mother them, elevate them in the wrong way or introduce to the people you know. Will I say I've made a mistake or just unlucky .. oh well, life goes on. Money isn't everything for real but most men compete with each other and to them Money is everything. As women, can we ever WIN!
ReplyDelete