When a woman is the breadwinner in a family is it true that she loses all respect for her man?I am just wondering because i know some woman who cover their men by providing for their family and they do it with love,i have never run into any woman complaining that she has lost respect for her man because she has to put food on the table.
Interestingly,i was going to do a post next week to address a woman 'feeding her man' when i ran into this facebook post by Comedian Alibaba and it was an eye opener....perhaps there are women who are frustrated by the condition they find themselves and want out.
why not end whatever it is with the man instead of bad mouthing him all over.
Men who provide for their wives without jobs,is it the same disgust they feel?
Please are you in this condition at home?can you tell us how you feel being the sole provider in your home?if you and your spouse both work,how do you swap the house keeping money?
lets go there.
see Alibabas interesting facebook post this morning.
''THE PLACE ANY MAN SHOULD NOT LET HIMSELF GET TO IS THAT POSITION WHERE A WOMAN BELIEVES YOU REPRESENT NOTHING TO HER. WHEN THEY GET THERE, IT'S USUALLY A POINT OF NO RETURN. GUYS BE GUIDED.
YESTERDAY, I MET A HARD WORKING LADY WHO HAS PICKED UP THE BILLS FOR HER FAMILY FOR 9 YEARS OF THEIR 10 YRS RELATIONSHIP. SHE SAID, DRENCHED IN TEARS, HE DISGUSTS ME, HE DOESNT TURN ME ON, I DONT RESPECT HIM, I EXPECT NOTHING OF HIM, HE HAS NO AMBITION, HE DOESNT WANT TO GET A JOB, HE BORROWS FROM ME, HE STEALS MY MONEY, HE KNOWS ALL VERSES IN THE BIBLE, HE DOESNT DRESS WELL, HIS VOICE ANNOYS ME, I WISH HIM DEAD...
SO AGAIN I SAY, GUYS, DONT LET YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS GET TO A POINT WHERE A WOMAN SEES YOU AS NOTHING... THEN IT'S OVER''
*
Do not kick a Man when he's already down.....because you're on top today is no guarantee you'll never be down - I thank God for the person I've become!*
You have never run into?
ReplyDeleteWill those women tell you?
My friend and I are in that situation i.e being the breadwinners. We compare notes and it is the same. We have no iota of respect for our husbands.
Its true. I was doing it out of love initially but after some time, the guy starts to irritate you. I have to psych myself to sleep with my husband. It does not come naturally any more, the passion don die A man without money loses his attraction.
I agree with u. Its a complete turn off no matter how spiritually grounded u may be. Am not married yet, but I have had men whom I dated, one of two of them had me tow the lane. And I realized they started to irritate me. Of cos it put an end to the union. I don't mind helping my partner financially....as a contingency backup plan, but not as a SOLE provider. Its no good at all.
DeleteThanks Stella for this post. Am a bread winner in my home as well. Its not a funny experience especially when you have tried all you can to help the lazy man.AM married for 4year and not kid yet. infact my husband has told everyone he has made up his mind to leave the shores of this country. Am wondering if he cant make money here in Nigeria, how is he going to make money in AMerican, because we all know its not so easily in obodo oyibo.
ReplyDeleteSo i ask, should leave him and for another man since he cant even pay the bills and no child yet or i should just hang in there till i get my kids. Am too tired to even speak or type.
Hmmm interesting. U are right. If a man cannot strive hard here, wonder how he's going to perform the magic outside of Nigeria. Even illegal jobs or what have u, has to be done with HARD work and common sense. Much more a legal one. He forgets he's going to be traveling to another country with the same brain and mental laziness.
DeleteOr perhaps he thinks the cold whether will fine tune his laziness? Am sorry, but I just cannot bear the thots of lazy people. Esp men.
However my candid advice to u, I won't advice u to leave ur husband, but u have to also plan yourself. If he eventually leaves without u, he'll find another hard working female in the country he's moving..to sustain him like u are doing now. So laziness continua....! While he's planning his future without u, pls do same. If in the end it works..fine...otherwise u won't lose much. Esp since u have no kids with him yet. Who knows, it may be God's way of pushing him away to alleviate ur stress. Godspeed!
Anon 10.33pm. God bless for this advice, Infact that's my thought as well. Am waiting patiently for the day so I can quickly drop him off at the airport come back home and plan my life jere. Phew!!!
DeletePls giv me ur email ur wise I want to talk to u
DeleteA woman loses respect for the man who abdicates his responsibilities as a man. You may earn less than the wife but you should be a man. Stand up for her; be a parent to the kids; be her oak tree, a man she can lean on. She knows no man will treat her with disrespect because her man will deal will him. When a man decides to allow his woman do everything as a woman and as a man. Then he shouldn't complain he is not respected.
ReplyDelete#Gbam.. Plus there a difference between a lazy man and a man just going through a down time. 9yrs? no job? Not even a business,atleast borrow some money from wifey and start something small,don't just sit at home waiting to be fed. Who does that?
Delete@ mama ijebu, my ex hubby did that.
DeleteMy dear Heavenly Father , may I not be In a position where I will have to be the one to shoulder responsibilities for hubby and kids in Jesus name. Amen!
ReplyDeleteI was a full time housewife, hubby took care of every need for 2yrs. Now I work, whatever I do with my money doesn't concern him, he still takes care of me. When we hv a building project, I contribute d little i can but he says, i dont have to, i buy food items for the house with my money and other small stuffs. But he does the bigger things. School fees, cars, renovations, vacations etc. I love it that way, cos it makes me respect him more. He hardly collects a dime from me.
Though there was a case where he was really down financially, he didn't tell me but I knew, gave him some money and life continued. Few months later, he got back and refunded me with interest. I collected o!
Madam Anon
Aren't u lucky? But be saving your money o
DeleteGod bless your good man
DeleteI tap into ur happiness as am yet to work
DeleteWow Madam Anon. thank you for.this haba you have a good man there. I laughed at i collected it oh with interest. i will do the same. Mrs Anon
DeleteIt is very frustrating when u face dis kind of challenges
ReplyDeleteI know a few women that are bread winners and their "frustration" in acquiring such a status hardly ever shows. But what we must remember is this: a man and a woman are two different beings. Different in physiology and characteristics. A woman's Nature is such that she requires protection in her life. A man, an institution, or Money, provides such a protection. The man's "duty" is to protect; that's his Nature. So when a women feels the weight of being the bread winner in a family for so long and she breaks down, that can be understood. Her Nature comes to the fore. When it happens she shouldn't be blamed.
ReplyDeleteU are right memphis. However, God created some females with extraordinary genes that surpasses any man's abilities to contend with them in all ramification. Most esp in the financial areas. These are the women who intimidate their husbands with their all round success, tho obliviously.
DeleteTheir husbands or bf can even term them "over ambitious" "arrogant" ...or worst case scenario, "prostitutes".
Why? Becos the glory God has given such a woman is not one that can live on stipends from her spouse or anyone. Such a woman has no control of her astounding success. So much that even if she decides to sell pure water, she may even earn more money than her hubby who may own an oil rig!
Such women many atimes find it hard to even get a suitor...bcos men are usually intimidated by them, due to no fault of theirs. And if finally a man is bold enough to marry and keep her...its a struggle. Some egocentric men may want such a woman to be completely submissive n not work at all. And if by happenstance she agrees, he won't provide her needs adequately.
Hence, she may return to work, and the issues continue.
What am I saying in essence? Yes God made man the head from inception. But..that u are a man doesn't mean that automatically u'll be more successful than ur wife. It is the glory builder (God) that decides.
And in a household where a woman is earning more money than her husband, if she's the humble type, the hubby should accept it and support her regardless. Its their collective achievement. Who'll know except u announce to outsiders that ur wife is 'richer' in monies than u? Ego is the key. Every man has an ego he nurtures. Some for good, some for bad. Wherever or in whomever u find a partner, just make sure u compliment urselves absolutely before u sign ur lives away into marriage!
U are right memphis. However, God created some females with extraordinary genes that surpasses any man's abilities to contend with them in all ramification. Most esp in the financial areas. These are the women who intimidate their husbands with their all round success, tho obliviously.
DeleteTheir husbands or bf can even term them "over ambitious" "arrogant" ...or worst case scenario, "prostitutes".
Why? Becos the glory God has given such a woman is not one that can live on stipends from her spouse or anyone. Such a woman has no control of her astounding success. So much that even if she decides to sell pure water, she may even earn more money than her hubby who may own an oil rig!
Such women many atimes find it hard to even get a suitor...bcos men are usually intimidated by them, due to no fault of theirs. And if finally a man is bold enough to marry and keep her...its a struggle. Some egocentric men may want such a woman to be completely submissive n not work at all. And if by happenstance she agrees, he won't provide her needs adequately.
Hence, she may return to work, and the issues continue.
What am I saying in essence? Yes God made man the head from inception. But..that u are a man doesn't mean that automatically u'll be more successful than ur wife. It is the glory builder (God) that decides.
And in a household where a woman is earning more money than her husband, if she's the humble type, the hubby should accept it and support her regardless. Its their collective achievement. Who'll know except u announce to outsiders that ur wife is 'richer' in monies than u? Ego is the key. Every man has an ego he nurtures. Some for good, some for bad. Wherever or in whomever u find a partner, just make sure u compliment urselves absolutely before u sign ur lives away into marriage!
U are right memphis. However, God created some females with extraordinary genes that surpasses any man's abilities to contend with them in all ramification. Most esp in the financial areas. These are the women who intimidate their husbands with their all round success, tho obliviously.
DeleteTheir husbands or bf can even term them "over ambitious" "arrogant" ...or worst case scenario, "prostitutes".
Why? Becos the glory God has given such a woman is not one that can live on stipends from her spouse or anyone. Such a woman has no control of her astounding success. So much that even if she decides to sell pure water, she may even earn more money than her hubby who may own an oil rig!
Such women many atimes find it hard to even get a suitor...bcos men are usually intimidated by them, due to no fault of theirs. And if finally a man is bold enough to marry and keep her...its a struggle. Some egocentric men may want such a woman to be completely submissive n not work at all. And if by happenstance she agrees, he won't provide her needs adequately.
Hence, she may return to work, and the issues continue.
What am I saying in essence? Yes God made man the head from inception. But..that u are a man doesn't mean that automatically u'll be more successful than ur wife. It is the glory builder (God) that decides.
And in a household where a woman is earning more money than her husband, if she's the humble type, the hubby should accept it and support her regardless. Its their collective achievement. Who'll know except u announce to outsiders that ur wife is 'richer' in monies than u? Ego is the key. Every man has an ego he nurtures. Some for good, some for bad. Wherever or in whomever u find a partner, just make sure u compliment urselves absolutely before u sign ur lives away into marriage!
U are right memphis. However, God created some females with extraordinary genes that surpasses any man's abilities to contend with them in all ramification. Most esp in the financial areas. These are the women who intimidate their husbands with their all round success, tho obliviously.
DeleteTheir husbands or bf can even term them "over ambitious" "arrogant" ...or worst case scenario, "prostitutes".
Why? Becos the glory God has given such a woman is not one that can live on stipends from her spouse or anyone. Such a woman has no control of her astounding success. So much that even if she decides to sell pure water, she may even earn more money than her hubby who may own an oil rig!
Such women many atimes find it hard to even get a suitor...bcos men are usually intimidated by them, due to no fault of theirs. And if finally a man is bold enough to marry and keep her...its a struggle. Some egocentric men may want such a woman to be completely submissive n not work at all. And if by happenstance she agrees, he won't provide her needs adequately.
Hence, she may return to work, and the issues continue.
What am I saying in essence? Yes God made man the head from inception. But..that u are a man doesn't mean that automatically u'll be more successful than ur wife. It is the glory builder (God) that decides.
And in a household where a woman is earning more money than her husband, if she's the humble type, the hubby should accept it and support her regardless. Its their collective achievement. Who'll know except u announce to outsiders that ur wife is 'richer' in monies than u? Ego is the key. Every man has an ego he nurtures. Some for good, some for bad. Wherever or in whomever u find a partner, just make sure u compliment urselves absolutely before u sign ur lives away into marriage!
U are right memphis. However, God created some females with extraordinary genes that surpasses any man's abilities to contend with them in all ramification. Most esp in the financial areas. These are the women who intimidate their husbands with their all round success, tho obliviously.
DeleteTheir husbands or bf can even term them "over ambitious" "arrogant" ...or worst case scenario, "prostitutes".
Why? Becos the glory God has given such a woman is not one that can live on stipends from her spouse or anyone. Such a woman has no control of her astounding success. So much that even if she decides to sell pure water, she may even earn more money than her hubby who may own an oil rig!
Such women many atimes find it hard to even get a suitor...bcos men are usually intimidated by them, due to no fault of theirs. And if finally a man is bold enough to marry and keep her...its a struggle. Some egocentric men may want such a woman to be completely submissive n not work at all. And if by happenstance she agrees, he won't provide her needs adequately.
Hence, she may return to work, and the issues continue.
What am I saying in essence? Yes God made man the head from inception. But..that u are a man doesn't mean that automatically u'll be more successful than ur wife. It is the glory builder (God) that decides.
And in a household where a woman is earning more money than her husband, if she's the humble type, the hubby should accept it and support her regardless. Its their collective achievement. Who'll know except u announce to outsiders that ur wife is 'richer' in monies than u? Ego is the key. Every man has an ego he nurtures. Some for good, some for bad. Wherever or in whomever u find a partner, just make sure u compliment urselves absolutely before u sign ur lives away into marriage!
U are right memphis. However, God created some females with extraordinary genes that surpasses any man's abilities to contend with them in all ramification. Most esp in the financial areas. These are the women who intimidate their husbands with their all round success, tho obliviously.
DeleteTheir husbands or bf can even term them "over ambitious" "arrogant" ...or worst case scenario, "prostitutes".
Why? Becos the glory God has given such a woman is not one that can live on stipends from her spouse or anyone. Such a woman has no control of her astounding success. So much that even if she decides to sell pure water, she may even earn more money than her hubby who may own an oil rig!
Such women many atimes find it hard to even get a suitor...bcos men are usually intimidated by them, due to no fault of theirs. And if finally a man is bold enough to marry and keep her...its a struggle. Some egocentric men may want such a woman to be completely submissive n not work at all. And if by happenstance she agrees, he won't provide her needs adequately.
Hence, she may return to work, and the issues continue.
What am I saying in essence? Yes God made man the head from inception. But..that u are a man doesn't mean that automatically u'll be more successful than ur wife. It is the glory builder (God) that decides.
And in a household where a woman is earning more money than her husband, if she's the humble type, the hubby should accept it and support her regardless. Its their collective achievement. Who'll know except u announce to outsiders that ur wife is 'richer' in monies than u? Ego is the key. Every man has an ego he nurtures. Some for good, some for bad. Wherever or in whomever u find a partner, just make sure u compliment urselves absolutely before u sign ur lives away into marriage!
First off Stella, a man who is the sole provider in a home would not feel that way because it is his natural role as a man to be the breadwinner in his home. When a woman has to take care of her husband and children it becomes very frustrating, no woman enters a marriage expecting to be the sole breadwinner and when this becomes the case, she begins to resent the man, as this was not the life she bargained for. This resentment inevitably leads to disappointment, disgust, dislike and disrespect for the husband, especially if the man is making no real efforts to change the situation , or if like my dad, he spend Sunday to Sunday in various different churches, fighting enemies, both real and imaginary, while not making any physical effort to provide for his family. My mother has been the sole breadwinner for over 25 years and somehow, she still manages to love him. Yet her disappointment and resentment is evident.
ReplyDeletePs, as with cheating, abuse etc etc etc, most women don't leave because of the children.
VALERIE.
i think this is restricted to mostly Nigerian women even amongst africans.the chance and reality that a woman might at some point earn higher than the husband is accepted as normal in a western household,they are matured about it and dont see it as an issue,thats why husbands will willingly opt to be house husbands while the woman works if she is earning more
ReplyDeleteLuca u strike as one that wld conveniently sit back n let a woman take care of u. I've across most of ur comments when it cums to money ish concerning men n women, can u seriously tell what ur problem is exactly that makes u so bitter that a man shld be responsible in taking care of the bills @home. Whether u like it or not, a man is supposed to provide for his home! The useless idiots we see these days don't wanna lift up a finger to do anything but prey on ladies that r hardworking, u my dear Luca fall into dat category. Every time coming here to talk of western ways like u d only one that has gone outta d shores of this country. Stay n be a house husband n babysit while ur wife goes out to put bread on ur table. Oolee man, lazy bone!.
Delete=))º°˚˚˚°ÂºÐ½aĦaнaº°˚˚˚°Âº=)) yeeeee u haf beefed luca oooo.
DeleteHahahahahhhahahahaha@lucabree. This person finish u here..ooo
DeleteThaaaank uuuu! Don't mind luca. Always tryna talk as if he's diff from others. No women, black , white or asian can ever respect a scrub.
DeleteMy mum has been married for 33yrs. And she has been picking the bill for 33yrs.she does't respect my dad. Even my dad has is own issues. My mum. Alwaays say that u can't hold him with his word*he is nt truthful* my mum had to pick up d pants in the house, even when my dad's says he will get or do anything my mum could have done It and when he does it, it will be like a plus*expecially if it involves money*but must of the time he does nt.must women that see's themselves in these case are not always happy. I can bet it if my mum is in our present genertion she could av devorced him. She always says that she never enjoyed her marriage for one day.
ReplyDelete33 years! Jeeeeeezus!!!
DeleteAwww, women have suffered sha. Please u kids shld shower her wv luv.
DeleteI know some women who provide for there household n still respect the hubby's position as the head but at the same time the hubby does not just sit back for years without doing anytin and at those times they ensure all is ok at the home front not expecting the wife to come back n still be the one to cater to house chores.this has worked for dem cos the hubby takes it upon himself to do these tins without d wife asking. In all resentment won't come in if dey both respect eachother and the hubby tries hard to get back to his feets.
ReplyDeleteStelliz it really isn't easy n it also depends on d individuals involved..in d case of alibaba's post its unfortunate but den a man dat sits n let's a woman feed n cater for u n herself for 9yrs out of 10 pls how do u want respect wen u obviously hav non for urself....its well.....MG speaking
ReplyDeletethere are some women like that o, one of my friends sister is in such situation in the US here, for some reason as soon as she got married to that guy everything went tupsy turvy for the guy, she has a good job so she practically provides for d family even d kids knows that without mummy they r finished, i dont know how it got to a stage where she has discussed her marital issues with her friends to the extent if they are at a gathering and d man utter a word, all her friends will be giggling & squeezing their noses at the guy, all their husbands wl be pinching one another, i find it insulting and preposterous, but what do i know? if i alert her, she wl go "Aunty its because you are not in my shoes" so i just hush but its degrading on d guys part, we all know this guy is struggling but flaunting it on his face should be a no-no, they wl leave home together, pick her friends up if they have a joint outing, they will pull up @ a gas station and she wl ask d man how much gas he's buying, dip her hand n her purse and give her d dough - haba, why didnt she do it in d corner of their room? its not good sha, thats part of better for worse, if you cant take d heat u gerrout of the kitchen!
ReplyDeleteHYBunny
My dear U̶̲̥̅̊ re so right..
DeleteDoubly so! Signed:wide eyed alias ITK!
DeleteShe said he has no ambition.
ReplyDeleteSo it means is his choice to stay down, she can go ahead to kick all she wants.
Why is she holding on the marriage then? It's a different situation if na condition cause am. But trust me, there are guyz or there who want to do nothing but feed off the woman they marry
-babe
Each person (father, mother, kids) in a family has his/her roles and responsibilty. The husband is the head, provider and protector. If for any reason, a woman temporarily becomes the provider, she should support the head until he gets back on his feet. But if the husband feels comfortable being provided for and makes no real effort to play his part, nothing but resentment and disrespect creeps in.
ReplyDeleteVisit
Leyejisola.blogspot.com
A Rights, Health and Beauty Blog
Hmmm! situations differ, if the man ran into a problem and you have to cover his ass while he is trying to rise again, its acceptable but if he is a leech and low life just enjoying the bits you bring( like this guy in the story), then he is disgusting and does not deserve respect. A true and real man should provide for his family.Even the bible says a man that does not take care of his family is worse than an Infidel.
ReplyDelete1000 likes for this comment!
DeleteIt happens oh Stella, my aunty in abj is a perfect example. Shez so rich nd her hubby is very jobless.. he doesnt even want to work, all he does is stay at house, eat nd drink. Den shout at d kids. Very sad cos i know d woman will be dying inside nd pretend outside during functions..
ReplyDeleteIts important for both parties to work and share the bills. Trust me, no matter how rich a person is, he/she ll never be completely happy being the sole provider.
ReplyDeleteI know a house where d woman is d breadwinner & d man contributes nothing financially to d home.Believe me when i say d man can't even be called a man.He just has a p***s
ReplyDeleteShe married a boy, not a man. No man will ever stoop so low as to be fed, clothed and financed by his wife. She's supposed to help him over the rough patches of life until he finds his feet again. That's how it should be. But in a case where the woman is the family provider for 9 YEARS? And he's content living that way? That boy is just a piece of dead wood in that marriage. And what do you do with dead woods?
ReplyDeleteI know a house where d woman is d breadwinner & d man contributes nothing financially to d home.Believe me when i say d man can't even be called a man.He just has a p***s
ReplyDeleteStella pls I personally need ur response to me directly. When u are spending for d family, rent,kids fees,Feeding,Health, his family needs J̲̣̣̣U̶̲̥̅̊§Ï„̲̅ to cover him up, he drives d car u bought, sometimes I̶̲̥̅̊ have to take public transport bcus he has a place to go and I̶̲̥̅̊ have to go to work, Then on ♏v̶̲̥̅ way from work inside ikeja I̶̲̥̅̊ see him driving with a woman inside ♏v̶̲̥̅ car with her hands on his neck, I̶̲̥̅̊ beg I̶̲̥̅̊ beg I̶̲̥̅̊ beg, wetin make I̶̲̥̅̊ do? Still respect him and love him? And dis has happened atleast 20times
ReplyDeleteMy dear you are gullible.....in the very worst way! I feel like slapping sense into you not even the excuse of a man tht you call "husband".....one is allowed to see tht kind of situation only once, every action gets a reaction and if u don't react accorsingly then I'm sorry you ve made yourself a footmat.....or even less, nothing wey I no go use ear hear!
DeleteMy dear you are gullible.....in the very worst way! I feel like slapping sense into you not even the excuse of a man tht you call "husband".....one is allowed to see tht kind of situation only once, every action gets a reaction and if u don't react accorsingly then I'm sorry you ve made yourself a footmat.....or even less, nothing wey I no go use ear hear!
DeleteImagine!!! Quietly go home, change the locks to the house, through hez things out and when he comes back simply collect ur car keys then tell him to get out coz he no longer lives in ur house.
DeleteMadea's daughter
Are u serious? What did u do? Pls don't ever leave ur car for him if u don't have the heart to divorce him. My God. Also have a friend who caters for her house. The hubby now has a small job but has still refused to contribute to the house . How do u expect her to respect him?
DeleteJust give him otapiapia, Τ̅☺ correct his brain.thank •̸Ϟﻉ now
DeleteTypically, a man is seen as the protector. It's normal to have low periods but clearly the man in question has no ambition and has become a burden rather than a partner. Pls tell me what if anything abt this man deserves respect. 1,2,3 years with signs of trying to change the situation... Ok.... But 9 with u laying on ur arse and feeding off a woman?! Nothing more unattractive than a lazy man.
ReplyDeleteIn such a situation, the woman would definately disrespect the man. A woman is suppose to be under the authority of her husband as the head of the house. The one who provides for the family, protect the family and guides the woman to reduce her excesses. Woman tends to do anyhow when the man loses his position as the head/leader of the home. Men work hard pls..if not..that your sweet wife, would change drastically when she become the bread winner. 2daygist
ReplyDeleteWhen it's for a period (a few months), it's understandable and the woman should bear. But 9 years continuously?!! An intervention is needed! Fast! That situation needs God. is the man in question ready to work, sef? 'cos that's another thing!
ReplyDeletewww.thisisthediaryofanotmadblackwoman.wprdpress.com
Though, it is expected that a man should provide for the family, but if thighs turns d other way, a good wife is also expected to show love, while providing. frank
ReplyDeleteThere re a certain kind of men in ds lagos(419ers) in d guise of business men or sum front. They marry unsuspecting young women(sum knw wat dey r geTting into but hope tins will improve) and become a liability. They r so lazy, always talking about their big break dat never comes and bcome dependant on ds women dat probably work cus dey won't marry a girl dat doesn't have prospect. They don't work, they can't provide and yet dey expect to b treated as kings. I don't knw how women married to ds kind of men cope but I just wonder cus I have a lot of them ard me
ReplyDeleteBut the lady in Alibaba's post said 9 out of 10 years. Abeg wetin the man dey do all these while? There is a difference in a man who is hardworking but not really making it than a total loser who is not ready or too lazy to look for a well meaning job cos the wife is catering for the family. Fate deals with some in the sense that they work so hard but have very little to show for it. A woman will be encouraged to provide and keep providing if she sees a truly hardworking man besides her, and d man must also not form a complex bcos d woman is the temporary breadwinner. Man, if u r number 2 (lazy ass scumbag) only God can save ur relationship!!!
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that some men are born lazy. I always pray to God not to let me be in a situation were a woman will be paying my bills.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that some men are born lazy. I always pray to God not to let me be in a situation were a woman will be paying my bills.
ReplyDeleteafter my last experience as a bread winner i can never do it. most of this men are ingrates , they become lazy and start to demand too much and when they meet a bigger fish they go with her cos they never love you truely but what they gain from you. Most have complex and become a big nag in the home. When its the other way round the men make it a point to remind u of how they pick the bills and even how you will have been nothing without them, but women in thier humble nature just keep quiet and swallow it. I always advise my brothers to always work hard and make sure they are incharge in thier homes .
ReplyDeleteThis is a tricky one. I'm in that kind of a situation and I know the anger in my life right now. Only God has been able to help me not say half of the things that come into my head.
ReplyDeleteHe does not make things easy, as I'm constantly reminded that he took care of the family solely for years, no mention of my part in the process. And how I have failed to care for the family, same way he did.
It hurts but I know the situation will not last and if I were not a Christian, I would seek divorce immediately, but come to think of it, when he abused me physically and emotionally, I thought about divorce but remembered my kids.
* no need to bring out your fangs, you have your ideas and I have mine.
Stella It dependsl on individual, my husband lost his job last October because he was sick and the company worked for had to let him go.
ReplyDeleteHe was home for six months receiving treatment.,the only way we could survive was through my wages and I didn't complain about it cos of the love I have for him . luckly for us after his treatment he got better and got another job. I still support with the bills because I believe a woman should help out sometimes . I love and respect him as the man of the house .I was raise to do so. He respects me too .I never let my family or friends know about it cos they will judge me.
Dee
Dee
DeleteYou are a good woman. Thank God for women like you. When your man was down, you rose up and stood by him, held the family together. That is the way it should be. Respects to you Maam.
See, your man went back to hustle and get another job when he recovered because he needed to start providing for you and the family again. That is his role as a husband/father.
He did not sit at home waiting for you to bring money before he can eat.
no b your type we dey talk about jare, 6months and he has another Job.. We are talking 9yrs and he is not looking for job also not sick o. Hian!
DeleteStella, my mum has been the breadwinner since I was in primary School, nw I am in my final year in the university and its still d same mumsy pays school fees, rent in fact everything.
ReplyDeleteAt first things where ok and she even started a business for him that was dealership in glo simcards then that gsm first came to naija the business bt he decided to secretly sell the business to his friend and carried the all the money to give his mother o (like remote control) wen mumsy found out she was mad as hell and the whole disrespect started fastforward to nw the friend popsy sold d business to is now a multi millionaire and popsy still dey find work. I rily admire mumsy cuz its nt easy picking up all the bills especially nw that her office has been experiencing challenges and they dnt pay them their allowances cuz of the crisis goin on (pdp), tho nw there is a certain level of understanding and respect(from mumsy) bt before it was bad cuz he didn't respect her and always took her for granted and as they say respect is reciprocal.
Let God just help him dats our prayer everyday cuz we r talking abt sm1 dat finishd uni 1985 o with masters and all that doesn't even hv a pin to his name.
this woman is not upset cuz she's the one providing. she's upset that the man is obviously a lazy bum who would rather live off her than get a job. i mean how can a man be stealing his wife's money??? its not a woman providing thing, its a self respect thing. even if a man was married to a woman this lazy and completely dependent on him, it would irritate him too. nobody wants a liability. funny thing is that its men like this who will be lording it over the woman at home and be yelling "submit" day and night.
ReplyDeleteThat a man doesn't have today does not mean he willnot have tomorrow as long as he is not a lazy man I have been married for four years and for all these years I have been the one Taking care of us his car was changed before mine was changed and am the one that pays for it I pay for every thing ranging from feeding to hospital bills house rent but I don't rub iton his face my husband is a good man who appreciates what am doing I took my mums advice don't rub it on his face and don't go telling people ur the one taking care of the home do it with joy you know what am haPpy and I keep praying thaT God should bless him my mum advice is working for it has made me to know that today is my turn tomorrow may be his turn in all I thank god for his favor blessings and his mercy and for giving me a good mother who will always tell me the truth and standing in the gap in prayers for us.
ReplyDeleteU be mugu. Siddon dere dey form gud wifey. 4 yrs a man neva try find work? Nd he's happy? U bera check d ting way dey corner way dey keep am calm.
Deletenever pray you are in a relationship where u get to be incharge of fending for everyone financially.I tell u from experience it far worse than having to get the mony alone.The man has a low self esteem,gets jealous for no reason and his african man mentality makes his egocentric worse.It is wrong to judge a woman that supports the husband wrongly simply because she the braedwinner.
ReplyDeleteStella, before a woman will say she is tired of carrying the family responsibilities, ask her what she has seen with the man. there is nothing wrong in carrying the family responsibility if ur husband is down financially or you both sharing it. But it becomes a problem when the man is not ready to work or struggle to get a means of livelihood and comfortably leave everything to the woman. It can be fustrating. some will even still not appreciate the woman's effort, they still nag her, talk her down, accuse her of infidelity e.t.c how can only the woman pick bills for 9 yrs out of 10 yrs in marriage without the husband looking for anything to do and you think she will not be tired? pls she is human.
ReplyDeleteIt is true. Economic power does dictate overall power. The Scriptures ( I used a terminology that covers all religious books), is replete with admonition to men to maintain their financial HEADSHIP. Infact the Christian text calls a man that cannot provide for his family "worse than an infidel" 1 timothy 5:8.
ReplyDeleteIt is understandable if the man is going thru a soft patch economically and his wife steps up to bridge the gap, but what we see is that most men become lazy. A temporary setback should never become a permanent way of life.
It doesn't matter if the woman earns more than the man but for his own dignity, he should earn a living and provide some things for his family. A broke man is like an impotent man. He is there but you wish he wasn't.
Some men that find themselves in this situation feel the need to assert their manhood in bed and as such the marriage becomes abusive as they interpret every rejection of sex by the woman as a total disdain towards them.
I know a man who used to be super rich and fell on hard times. He drove a cab While his wife was a bank manager. She had full respect and love for him because he paid his kids fees and took her out for dinner sometimes. Oh did I say the lived in the US. Today he is back on top of his game...He is my father.
AA man should step up to the plate. A woman can help out in the BAKERY but never let her be the BREADWINNER.
Respect to Mrs. Mallam, we honor you for standing by Daddy in his rough times. Today you are honored and adored by all.
Aboki, ur case is different because at least, he drove a cab...he tried...he was trying and that's what matters. A woman wants a man that can try, pay for a 5 dollar cup of coffee even if she's paying 700dollars or more for other things.
DeleteSome men r just lazy. They won't try.
It's not black and white. There are grey areas.
ReplyDeleteThe society teaches us the man is the head of the family why the woman is the neck.
The bible says a man that cannot take care of his family is worst than an infidel.[1 Tim, 5:8]
And he that does not work should not eat! [2 Thess. 3:10]
The issue is not a woman providing but the man lacking ambition to do anything! It is more manageable when a woman is not working, she is taking care of the home front and manage whatever amount the husband gives her for housekeeping and in the process her respect and esteem is also comprised.
When both couples work, resources are combined and there would be more respect, but i have seen and read situations where the man still leave majority of the expenses for the woman to bear while he saves his money!
I have experienced both sides as a non-working wife and a working-wife and i tell you, both have it's advantages and disadvantages.
Dis could be a very dicy situation. I have experienced both working and non working mum. Some husbands don't want there wives to work so they will always remain in the background thanking them for every thing (big/small) they do but u can never eat ur cake and have it. When things becomes rough, he would want her to get a job asap to help out forgetting how hard it could be to get a job and a good one in naija.
DeleteNevertheless is best wen bought contributes to the home and the man doing more of it. No matter how little, the woman should contribute, dat way she have a say and earn herself respect.
That a man doesn't have today does not mean he willnot have tomorrow as long as he is not a lazy man I have been married for four years and for all these years I have been the one Taking care of us his car was changed before mine was changed and am the one that pays for it I pay for every thing ranging from feeding to hospital bills house rent but I don't rub iton his face my husband is a good man who appreciates what am doing I took my mums advice don't rub it on his face and don't go telling people ur the one taking care of the home do it with joy you know what am haPpy and I keep praying thaT God should bless him my mum advice is working for it has made me to know that today is my turn tomorrow may be his turn in all I thank god for his favor blessings and his mercy and for giving me a good mother who will always tell me the truth and standing in the gap in prayers for us.
ReplyDeleteI personally i don't have a problem with assisting my man, where i have a problem is with some friends i know in Nigeria, when their husbands have money they go spend on their girl friends neglecting their wives , when no money they will become good husbands, if you have husbands like that it is better you keep your money for you and your children ( save for rainy days ) because a man like that will dump you one day and waka with another woman.
ReplyDeleteI personally i don't have a problem with assisting my man, where i have a problem is with some friends i know in Nigeria, when their husbands have money they go spend on their girl friends neglecting their wives , when no money they will become good husbands, if you have husbands like that it is better you keep your money for you and your children ( save for rainy days ) because a man like that will dump you one day and waka with another woman.
ReplyDeleteStella, you and Ali are mixing things up. The lady's husband is a different case. He is lazy and unappreciative of her effort.
ReplyDeleteThat is completely different from the case of a guy who has fallen on bad times,is struggling to get up and making genuine efforts to either get a job or start a business no matter how small. Such a man will take any job as long as it is legal to support his family.
The type the lady described are the ones who spend hours dreaming up exotic businesses and schemes.
We need to appreciate the differences.
In today's fluid economic state, no job is safe and you can find yourself out of a seemingly good one today and back in a better one in 6 months. The days of rigid roles are ending.Couples need to support each other and their families. As long as no party is lazy or complacent,all will be well.
#one love
Thank you, they both are mixing it up,there is a diffrence between a lazy man and a man that just has temporary issues.
DeleteMy hubby is d type with "I don't want to work under anybody syndrome"he's in his fourties and our two years of maRriage has been my worst experience so far in life.things became a little easy wen I started Nysc @ least we could survive wit my allowee and the little stipend I got from my PPA. D contracts are nt coming and he seems very confortable with d situation.he believes so much in what he does.I ve' prayed and cried relentlessly . I put to bed a few months ago and my beloved hubby could nt get me out of d hospital. We were held there for 5 days. I had to call my parents to give dem tales of how he(my hubby) is being owned and how his cheque was being denied and bla bla bla. before we eventually got out. I have since finished nysc and could nt get a job immediately cos I was almost due for delivery.. Its been 8months now since I delivered and still ve' nt gotten a job. things ve' gone from bad to worse.Now My baby and I stay for days without food.. He sometimes go out to friends and relations for succour. I dnt mention anything to anyone especially my family members cos I dnt want him to be looked down onI always give dem all sort of tales to cover up for him. I find my self yelling @ him most times especially since the arrival of our baby.. My respect for him is gradually fading. its not easy being married to a broke man. God help us all.
ReplyDeleteMadam better ask for help..before hunger kills u and ur baby
DeleteSweetheart,u knew all these before married him now? Am sure u knew he depended mainly on contracts to survive... My dear,get off Ur lazy arse and start praying for that man to get more contracts..wake up and pray at. Night o,tell God u want the blessings of marriage,also package yourself and look for job too.
DeleteGet a job. There is no food for a lazy woman.
DeleteHonestly I understand your point, Ali Baba's point and also the lady that complained...
ReplyDeleteLook at what the lady said.... *he doesn't even try* that can be very frustrating.... Maybe if he was making efforts she would have still respected him...
And from your point of view to u are so right * No one knows tomorrow *
When I first got married I was working ny husband wasn't, because it was just hard to get a job but God gave me total humility, Thank God for Grace, And I kept on saying God I don't want to be the bread winner, he is the head of this house don't make him the tail, The turn around today ehn, I can't explain jt...
#WORD: A woman can help out in the BAKERY but never let her be the BREADWINNER.
ReplyDeleteI will never assist my husband! Never ever! When my husband was wealthy and was a top banker, he spent all his money on his girlfriends and vacationing abroad with different girls..... Bought economy tickets for I and my kids while him and his girlfriends flew business class..... He never bought me gifts or spent on my kids..... Whenever I asked him for money for upkeep, he would ask me what I use my salary was for. He is home now after being laid off from a bank. Everything went wrong for him from there. He lost a lot of money on bad business deals and his 22 year old girlfriend he trusted more than his own wife took his 12m and left Nigeria. I only found out cos I saw a copy of his police statement. As luck will have it, I got a high level, high paying permanent job in one of the big oil companies and left my banking job.... I never give him money o. My money is for myself and my kids. He should go to his girlfriends (they have all left him) for help. Hopefully, my transfer to Europe by the company will soon come out and I will leave him in Nigeria and move with my kids. Stupid man!
ReplyDeleteLol.
DeleteThanks for this type of mentality....God bless you....the only thing I ask of you is to feed him....all other things pls do not take responsibilty for them, let his trusted babes do it for him, men are useless!
Deletehi 5
DeleteI feel your painss dear. Can't advice you otherwise. Will probably do the same if I were in ur shoes. Life teached us a lot of lessons. I hope he will learn and pick up his pieces. A man dat neglect his kids and take care of people outside is home is worse than a devil
DeleteHigh five dear!infact U deserve an award coz that's exactly what I will do if I am in ur shoes. MtcheWwwwwwWw Unless men everywhere.
DeleteMadea's daughter
I love u so much. Its pay back time. Don't give him shishi.
Delete@Lucabree.
ReplyDeleteI live abroad and wives are readily to work while men become house husbands because of childcare.
I would appreciate it when people would stop comparing situations in both countries when the values and system are parallel to each other.
In Nigeria, apart from the wives footing all the bills, she has to find how to take care of the children, come back and do chores and cook! Combined with extended family issues!
So pleae Mr lucabree, this time i disagree with your comment.
Thank you.
When a man earning a steady income falls on bad times, it is understandable, the wife who is said to be a helpmate would assist until he gets back on his feet.
ReplyDeleteBut as per that scenario describe above, it is BADDDD! Any man that exhibit such character should not blame the wife for disrespecting him! He is a Lazy Bum!
Another scenario is where a man once had money, but spent it on his extended family and mistress, leaving the bulk of running the home with his wife, when the chips are down, the wife can never respect him!
Another scenario is the unappreciative men! These men would complain about everything, like he does not like the food prepared for him. How can such a woman respect him?
I doff my hat to women that are breadwinners, God would continue to strengthen you all.
It depends on the party invoulved and how the man presents and repects himself.
ReplyDeleteCoz , I will never find myself in that shoe, and if it happens, my wife will never disrespects me because she feeds me , 4 wetin na, she will never, as far as when I had, I took care of her, I will make her understand that we r meant to work together. And I won't jst sit down at home and watch her do everything!
I have seen a home like that and d woman is not stupid, d fact is jst dat naija gals r carried away with money, and everybody can't b rich, everybody can't marry d rich? And not every man wud b able to provide for his home, its inherent, there's nothing anybody can do about it.
Any shoe u find urself, jst manage am and try to live ur life as happy as u can, even if u leave d one dats not providing and u meet anoda dat beats his wife afta taking her out to spoil her with money. Abi hw una see am!
My husband just bought me a brand new Azera..how cool is that? Thank God for a husband that is not lazy.some men r just Lazy.
ReplyDeletei tap from your blessing , may i find a husband who will do same and even more for me. Amen
Deletestella, to be honest with u, i wanted to send uan email yesterday in regards to this . at this point in my life, am fed up. dont get me wrong , i love my hubby scatter but hes so selfish, and self centered. i will summarize my story.
ReplyDeletewe met 6 years ago, got married 4 yrs ago. from 6 yrs ago till today, i foot the bills in the house, i fed the family, i take care of the kids, school fees etc. since i have been with my hubby, he has only given me 20k. twenty thousand. my hubby lives in the uk. i will my hubbys bills there in the uk, house rent etc. even for his flight ticketto come visit us in nigeria down to sending his feeding money. i have a very good job and he has refused to work. what he waits for is end of the month when i will recieve my salary. to be sincere am done with this rubbish,i blame my self for everything, i have mothered him enough and i have decided not to take care of him again. inspite of all i do for for him, hes chases everything in skirt.
Mother Christmas! Please send me your measurements and address so I can sew a 'father christmas' costume and send to you. You may as well wear it cos you are already one. What is he doing in the Uk if he is not working there? Your own case is stupidity.
Delete*he chases everything in skirt* with your money? What is wrong with you girl? Stop being his mom. Why would he be serious when you are right there to pamper him and smooth his feathers?
DeleteMake up your mind ok? You can't go through life with this monkey on your back. Nuf sed.
B4 nko? U are his Maga now,his maga of life.. What is he doing there when he doesn't have a job? U dey pay house rent dey pay flight ticket,no be u give am d notion say he did u a favour by marrying u? Oshisko!
DeleteMaga of life. You just want to be Mrs somebody abi? You dey pay for flight ticket make he come F**k u for Naija abi? You no try at all. Once he sees a better pay mistress, he go bail.
DeleteSupport you #47.
ReplyDeleteIt is always the wives that suffer everything at the end of the day!
#44,
ReplyDeletePlease for the sake of the innocent baby let your family know and help you with feeding money for the baby.
I WILL NEVER SPEND A DIME ON ANY MAN, I REPEAT NEVER....growing up was as bad as it could get, being the first child I saw my Mum suffer and I promised myself never to make her the same mistakes she made. When they got married life was easy because she was earning more money than my Dad so she didn't really feel bad, she did what she had to do to make us happy. My Dad was a zonal manager in a defunct bank was transferred to different states, my mum got tired of moving and decided to move back to our state. She was a contractor with nepa but lost all her contacts when we moved. My dad got promoted, he started keeping different mistresses because he didn't move back with us, his mistresses moved in with him. My Dad's secretary was always calling my mum to give her different info, she had to visit him unexpectedly, she saw hell. I was in secondary school, the boarding house, going back to school was a problem , I had to cry, argue etc. He would visit for a weekend and drop just 2000 naira for my mum and four kids. she would cry and cry and cry, I was the only one old enough to understand what she was going through and console her. I told her things were going to be fine and I will always be there for her . He even refused to complete their marriage rites. He refused to get her a car, my light skinned mum turned very dark, trekking and entering buses doing odd jobs just to make us happy. Years later, his bank had problem he had to resign and got his pay-off. The first and second year wasn't so bad for him, then the third year things started getting bad gradually, he couldn't pay our school fees. Then I got into the university, very young, pretty and naïve. My dad became humble, they fought less because my mum became the breadwinner her business grew, he had to borrow money from her and all. My second year in the university, I met a Man, married and I call him my God sent. I felt guilty initially because of what my mum went through, he was separated with but not divorced, she lives in his country and never visits Nigeria. He changed my life, saw me through school, I assisted my mum with school fees and all. My dad sat home all day eating and watching TV, he didn't even bother about were the money was coming from. He didn't try to look for another Job to put food on the table. I got out of school and got a good job almost immediately courtesy my God's sent. I got my mum a car at 21, we are now comfortable. My dad now feels its my duty to wear he shoes in the house, even to buy fuel for the generator he would rather wait for me to come back from work because Titi never says no. My mum and siblings have little or no respect for him because of his non-chalant attitude. I love my dad but he amazes me I swear. Thanks to my God sent, I didn't do runs in school when it was the other of the day, I was contented with whatever he gave me.I am a very independent 23 year old with a comfortable job, please remind again why I should feed any Man. I'd rather die single, than get married to a loser or a man like my father. Marriage is not a visa to heaven neither is it a do or die affair..........EXCUSE MY TYPOS
ReplyDeleteGod bless you girl. Take care of your mum and your sibbling. Men are humble when they are broke. Pls ignore your Dad. Don't give him a dime. He should go to his ex girlfriends to help him. Keep working hard.
DeleteGod bless you girl. Take care of your mum and your sibbling. Men are humble when they are broke. Pls ignore your Dad. Don't give him a dime. He should go to his ex girlfriends to help him. Keep working hard.
DeleteStella am happy to see this. Got married 7yrs ago with 2kids. Feeding money for my children n I was between 150-200 naira a day. In time of quarrels I was reminded that my mates buy cars for dier hubby.From being a corper with 30k as salary I started taking care of my kids.
ReplyDeleteoga stopped doing anything at home. Stella we need to talk on phone.
abeb abeg abeg, deprive him of d car.
ReplyDeleteThe difference between broke and poor is the time frame. My dear you married a poor man. What do you expect? 8 years of broke-ness is poverty. It has come to stay and it has its problems. Yes I am against poverty. There is nothing righteous about being poor.
ReplyDeleteA poor man will lie to avoid his responsibilities ... Tell the landlord I no dey!!!
The poor man will steal ..Take money from his wife's purse without telling her
A poor man will so have hard on ...thats all he has.
Abeg forget breadwinner, soon na garriwinner you go be
May God help us all,We all need to pray that our marriages will not lead us to hell in Jesus name. Satan knows that God HATES divorce and so he fills marriages with all sort of challenges.
ReplyDeleteMy story is different, i am married but ........
marriage is OVER RATED but i have to make it work becuase of my fear for God, HE hates divorce and besides its not rosy out there. i guess the devil i know is better than the angel i don't know.
You are on your own. I hope he does not beat u? Dis one wey you dey code.
DeleteGod please o i want to enjoy my marriage. reading all these challenges people face i marriage makes me scared. There are so many prayer points to pray for na wah ooo God oo na hand i dey oo
ReplyDeleteNneka love please don't be scared of marriage it's a beautiful thing if ordained by God. There would be challenges can't deny that but cuz its ordained by God it makes it easier. Then comes d love (which isn't the only thing that makes a good marriage) ,perseverance., trust nd prayer. Pray fervently and God will direct u. U will enjoy your marriage in Jesus name.
DeleteWifey xxxx
If I pick the whole bills and I see you with babe o! Boy from that day no food for you after all bible says no food for lazy man
ReplyDeleteBuahahahahahahahahaha... Yes o! Cos you can't be riding on your wife's coat tails and still be forming James Bond.... Can't 'werk'!
DeleteThank you. That's when they'll say women are gold diggers.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is the best i can ask of from GOD. Today make it 1yrs since i gave birth. And am still in the house not working not receiving matanity pay from gov. Because i did not work 1yrs b4 me giving birth. But aunty stella i enjoy pass my mate when they receive matanity money. My husband have change my phone twice this year. He pays for our montage he pay my phone bills my line bills. He give me £100 everyweek. Infact he is the best. Infact when my mama come see us she non believe say na her tiny pikin come fat like adora uku. Lol. My man is the best. Glo
ReplyDeleteYou got me laughing and crying at once! God keep you! Your mum is great too! It can only get better with a mindset like yours! Signed:wide eyed!
DeleteStella God bless u o, all this symposiums really go a long way in people's lives more than u can imagine.
ReplyDeleteSeeing some of the comments makes me even scared of marriage, well I always pray that God will give me a hardworking man that will take care of things and I will only support and compliment him. The woman is never supposed to be the breadwinner in the home, hell no!
Looking at marriages these days, I can categorically tell u that abt 80% of couples I know in abj have women as the breadwinners, even though the women try to cover up and all.
Will have to blame it on the dwindling economic fortunes in Nigeria. Well I pray for every single lady reading this including me that when its time to get married Almighty God will block the eyes of the lazy men, golddiggers and men that feel comfortable for women to foot the bills will be far and very far from us in Jesus name, Amen.
Amen. Thunder fire any lazy man that comes near me. I work hard mehn.
DeleteAmen. Thunder fire any lazy man that comes near me. I work hard mehn.
DeleteGreat anonymous u need a job
ReplyDeletePeople can help you, leave a contact or send t to Stella
There is job if u want to work, but if u want to sit at home and be throwing pity party, OYO na him u dey o
My dear I want to work ooo. I ll' send details to stella asap.
DeleteI hate lazy men!!! God forbid dat I marry a lazy man... I will just put otapiapia in his food!
ReplyDeleteMy mum have been d bread winner of d house for d past 30years,we are four kids,and he is d 5th child like she alwys say,cos to her she believes she has 5 children. she tries all her possible means to make him work and even went to d extent of opening shops 4 him,bt b4 u knw it d business crumbled,she doesn't have any respect 4 him @ all and we all knw it,Its has really affected my thinking cos am of marriagable age and its scares me to start from the scratch wit any man.
ReplyDeletehmnnnn...God continue to make my man bigger and bigger cos at the moment am enjoying him big, strong and reliable!
ReplyDeleteI hate anything that puts me or my reputation down in the face of any person.I naturally find it VErY DIFFICULT to ask anyone for anything esp money related.It feels like i should die noooow.
ReplyDeletePresently,i hv financial constraint.A girlfrend was going to pay for my T.fare to & fro RCCG redemption camp today.I declined and she got furius.
It's quite shoking to me that a Nigerian lady wl want to pay my bills..I'm sori bt ladies hv lost it bcos guys generally assume ladies/women to be ''choppers'' & nt "helpers" bt this chick proof us wrong.All women ar and wl never be d same.
I declined bcos i got dignity.It feels smhw shameful.
Have was dating a guy 4 2yrs n he didnt hv a job,hv been doing it all.he will steal my female complimentary cards n call them,i guess hoping to catch a much bigger fish than me,cash wise.Steals my stuffs(perfumes,shirts,cash).It's hurts so much cus I love him but I had 2 tell my self some home truth and I took 2 my heals.Even if I was married to him,i will leave cus his MR LAZY.Trust me its annoying when they do nothing.They totally irritate.
ReplyDelete@cynthia
ReplyDeleteloool you are right o semiramis really did finish me but to be fair she didn't understand my comment and misconstrued me
@semiramis
ReplyDeletei am afraid you are wrong.my dad has the very same mindset you have laid out for a man,more than one wife and i have no memories childhood or adult when we have gotten anything from mums but always dad and he is still that way till now at almost 80yrs old.even when he travelled to canada on biz and he had to be rushed to an hospital he refused to let the women or even children know as he never liked to show any sign of weakness.the point of my epistle he was a proper african man.
the difference with me i that if you have also noticed with my comments,i believe in gender equality.i believe a man and a woman should complement each other and are partners in a marriage the same way i will not support a woman slaving away in the kitchen alone while the man sits in the living room watching tv or the woman serving her husband food or calling him daddy and such outdated stuffs is the same way i do not believe the man should be automatically saddled with taking care of the family.
marriage especially when it is with a young couple requires the financial contribution from both husband and wife.if a man is on 200k a month and the wife is on same or similar or even 100k after a year they have a child yet the man is taking care of everything with the woman only doing a bit how will he manage to save up for long term projects like owning their own home and proper investments?
the reason why i make a lot of reference to western world is because i have to comment based on my experience and where i live.for instance my experience in the western world have seen the husband and wife share properties 50-50 when they divorce.this is because they both contribute equally in finances from the start if not financially then her contributions in kind over the years has been calculated to match finances what is obtained in our own Nigeria?
a woman is pushed out of the house sometimes half naked and her box of clothes flung out after her no matter how long she has been married to the man or her contributions to his success.as a woman which scenario will you prefer?
Nigerian women in my opinion are their own worst enemies.on one hand you want gender equality,you want the man to stop treating you like garbage or a property you want freedom and respect,yet you are the ones that will kneel down in front of a man or depend on him for every financial need you can't eat your cake and have it
Lucabracee,as usual your comment is on point.Majority of Nigerian women want equal rights but they don't want equal responsibilities,they want to be respected but they also want to be treated like over-grown babies.Like you said,"you can't......"-Mightysparrow
DeleteMine is different,my hubby takes care of everything and believe me i feel bad. I use to own a shop got married left that area but planning to start another business by next year so as to release a little burden off his shoulder.
ReplyDeletewhy are people talking like this. No wonder some men are scared to marry! Is marriage a punitive expedition where a man must pay for everything. The women wanted education and they got it. They wanted equality and they got it! They are also taking jobs from men through all sorts of tricky ways! What do you expect! If your husband is down help him is it not for better for worse again. Na wa o! However if you want a rich man don't manage with a poor man wait till you get one or stay single!
ReplyDeleteExcuse me but did you just say "The women wanted education and they got it. They wanted equality and they got it! They are also taking jobs from men through all sorts of tricky ways!"
DeleteWhat a backward mentality you have! Education and equality are our God given rights. Are you Yerima's son?
My dad is the laziest man on earth, I and my siblings can stand him. D worst part is dt he carries bible and church on his head. They have been married for 24 years now, if not for my mum eh, I dnt understand how she tolerates him even tho its taking a toll on her, but I swear I can't, I'm d one taking care of myself in school,bills and all and even for my sis. ds lazy man can never call u in school to know how u r doing and surviving. Do you know how it feels that ever since u were a kid, u r on ur own.Last year he told me he can't wait for I and my sis to finish school, get married and start taking care of my odA siblings(3), I was sooooo frigging mad, my sis was more than mad. She really hates my dad.
ReplyDeleteYou know what I think? Its ok for u to take care of ur family as a woman when d purse strings of ur man has gone slack, buh when he takes advantage of that and becomes hopeless and useless, its soooo painful, women's lot in life is just too much
I tell my friends I can never marry a lazy man, if he can't move forward after the blows life has dealt him, then me and you aint gonna work
U take care of urself as a kid,take care of ur siblings! take kare of ur parents in old age, care of ur kids and hubby, hu d fuck is gonna take care of me? Its so painful
So whoever I'm gonna marry had better be making a shitload of money and be very hardworking!cuz............
Abiarom uwa a izu ndi ara nayi biko!
wher do u live
ReplyDeleteATTENTION
ReplyDeleteThe person who posted as 'GREAT ANONYMOUS' has contacted me about someone commenting and offering to get her a job.........pls if u are the one who did that,send me a private mail Stelakuko@hotmail.com so that i can forward her contact to you.
thanks
I am grateful for this blog. I am in this situation. Married for 25 years and wearing the shoes. It didn't start like this though. Initially, my husband earned more than me but even then was never giving enough. He is stingy with money and provided the barest minimum just to make me and our 3 kids survive. In the beginning,I took it all with love believing that things would get better. He always promised that he would give me more when he had more. And I believed him. I kept on hoping. Then he lost his job. I became the bread winner. The amount of money I give him is almost twenty times what he has ever given me when he was earning. I tell him now that he can never do what I do for him. And he knows it is true. I now feel hurt and upset realising now that he actually is not able to make the sacrifices I make. Every time he asks me for money to invest, I give him. It goes down the drain. But when he was the one earning, he could never give me money to invest. He now pastors a church and uses the pulpit to throw snide attacks on me or women who are holding purse strings during his sermons. I am getting tired of life with him especially as things do not seem to get any better. I wish I had seen all this before marrying. Perhaps I would have been more careful
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